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This is simple faith.
Welcome back to Simple Faith.
I'm Rusty George and we're continuing our deep dive into relational apologetics.
In this five part mini series, we're exploring how connecting with people
on a human level can open doors for meaningful conversations about faith.
This is episode two, and today's focus is on developing the empathetic ear, learning
to hear the heart behind the question.
In traditional apologetics, we're taught to logically reason with those
who may disagree with our beliefs.
But this approach was used surprisingly not that often by Jesus, even when
others initiated that with him.
So while we may read books on how to engage with doubts and objections on
an intellectual level, what if the real barriers are rooted in deeper
emotional or personal experiences?
What if we are trying to answer subjective questions with objective answers?
Today we are exploring how truly listening can reveal something deeper
and potentially far more powerful.
As we discussed last time, Jesus modeled this beautifully.
Think again about the woman of the well.
He didn't start with a sermon.
He started with a simple human request.
And in that interaction, he uncovered a wellspring of deeper needs.
Would you give me a drink?
Did you hear me?
That's bad, huh?
What you a Jew?
Ask for a drink from me, A Samaritan and a woman.
I'm sorry.
I should have said please.
You know, it's not safe for you to be alone out here nor you.
Why haven't you come with others?
Why so late in the day?
Don't women come to the wells in the, the pool of the morning?
Yeah.
Well, none of them will be seeing with me, so I have to come out.
No, in the heat.
Have so kindly reminded me.
Why won't they be seen with you?
Long story.
I, I'd still like a drink of water if you can spare it.
Amazing what a parched throat will do.
Aren't I unclean to you?
Don't you be defiled by this vessel?
Maybe some of my people say that about your women, but I don't.
Yeah.
And what do you say?
I say if you knew who I am.
He'd be asking me for a drink, really, and I would give you living water.
Jesus saw beyond her immediate response, he saw her history, her social isolation,
her yearning for something more.
Similarly, the questions people ask us about faith often have layers of
unspoken emotions and experiences Hearing someone's heart truly listening is not
only a skill, but it's relatively rare.
This is because people are less likely to listen to someone else.
That they think might not be listening to them.
William Uri is co-founder of Harvard's program on negotiation.
In the following clip, he shares a story of the time he was negotiating
between Ugo Chavez, then the leader of Venezuela and the opposition.
Let's listen in.
Why is it so important to listen?
Let me tell you a story.
Some years ago I was in the country of Venezuela, serving as a third
party between the government and the political opposition.
At a time of intense conflict with a lot of people fearing a civil war.
My colleague, Francisco Diaz and I had an appointment with the President Ugo Chavez
at 9:00 PM at the Presidential Palace.
Finally at midnight, we were ushered in to see the president who had his
entire cabinet raid behind him, and he asked me, so Yuri, what do you
think of the situation going on here?
And I said, Mr.
President, I've been talking to.
Your minister's here and to the opposition, and I think
you're making some progress.
Progress.
What do you mean progress?
He shouted, you're blind.
You're not seeing all the dirty tricks those traitors are up to.
And he leaned in very close to my face and proceeded to shout, what was I gonna do?
Part of me felt like defending myself naturally.
But what good would it do for me to get into an argument with
the president of Venezuela?
How would that advance peace?
So I just listened.
I gave him my full attention.
I listened to where he was coming from, and President Chavez was known.
He was famous for making eight hour speeches, but after 30 minutes
of me just nodding and listening, I saw his shoulder slowly sag.
And he said to me in a very weary tone of voice, so Yuri, what should I do?
That's the sound of a human mind opening, opening to listen.
So I said, Mr.
President, it's almost Christmas.
The country needs a break.
Last year, all the festivities were canceled because of the conflict.
Why not propose a truce this time so that people can enjoy the holidays
with their families and after bat?
Everybody will maybe be in a better mood to listen.
He said, that's a great idea.
I'm gonna announce that in my next speech.
His mood had completely shifted how through the simple power of
listening, because I listened to him, he was more ready to listen to me.
Y and his partner were ushered into the meeting three hours late,
and then berated for 30 minutes after an innocuous question.
But because Yuri was listening, he didn't spend that time arguing, getting
defensive, or even checking out.
He was listening for Hugo Chavez's heart, and when he heard it open the
door just a little bit, then William was able to speak directly to Chavez.
Listening is such an effective bridge because everyone wants to be heard.
But so few people are actually good at listening.
Exactly.
And like with the woman at the well, someone might challenge the
existence of a loving God in the face of suffering or in light of science.
But behind that intellectual objection could be the raw pain
of personal loss, or even just the overwhelming busyness of leading an
individualistic or isolated life.
Simon Sinek, the author of Start With Why talks about the very same
type of listening that William Uy practiced in negotiations.
He calls it emptying the Bucket.
So even if we find what they're saying, just reprehensible, right, you're
never gonna be able to actually have dialogue until at least one of the
parties gets the opportunity to say everything without judgment and, and
as she calls it, emptying the bucket.
And once person, somebody feels like they've completely said everything.
Then they're more apt to listen to you.
But usually what we do is we defend or we litigate or we interrupt.
We point out flaws in logic, which is just frustrating.
And when you point out some flaws in somebody's logic, 'cause we're all
imperfect when we speak, and we all choose the wrong words at various times.
And that's not what I meant.
You know what I meant?
This is what we have to say.
Well what if you know what you meant, then why don't you say what
you, you can see how this spirals, but it's things like when somebody
says something, you know, and there there's really easy ways to do it.
Things like, go on, tell me more.
What else?
And they keep talking and you go quiet.
They feel the space and tell me more.
Go on.
And eventually it's all out.
And then there's a safe space for you to respond or to and express
yourself in a constructive way.
There is value in letting someone get it off their chest not to vent and not
in a more malicious way, like to give them enough rope to trip themselves up.
But to empty their bucket so that they are ready to listen.
This was exactly what happened with Yuri when he was being
yelled at by Hugo Chavez.
But if someone isn't actively emptying their bucket, what should you do?
It starts with the power of asking good questions, questions that
invite someone to share their own perspective and the why behind it.
Mike Sherrard and his work on relational apologetics emphasizes that
the goal isn't to win an argument, but to understand the person.
He says the best questions are those that prompt the other person
to explain their own position.
Instead of jumping in with our pre-prepared answers, we need to become
curious Listeners, imagine someone says all religions are basically the same.
Our instinct might be to list the core differences.
But a more relational approach would be to ask what makes you say that?
Or what aspects of different religion seem similar to you?
So by asking open-ended questions, we can create space for them to share their
voice, to articulate their understanding.
Even if it doesn't align with textbook definitions, their view might be shaped by
cultural influences, personal encounters.
Or even misinterpretations.
I think this highlights the crucial role of listening with empathy.
It's not just about hearing the words, but also paying attention to the tone,
the pauses, and the nonverbal cues.
Mike Sherrard wisely points out that when we truly listen, we can
often sense underlying emotions.
Is there frustration in their voice, sadness in their eyes,
bitterness in their tone?
What is their body language saying?
And these are clues to the deeper issues at play.
And speaking of body language, it's important to pause
and take note of your own.
Is your heart rate going up?
Are you feeling attacked or defensive?
If you do notice that you're starting to exhibit symptoms of defensiveness
or frustration, extend that pause.
Try adopting a posture of listening.
It might even be wise to, as Lee Strobel puts it, try to
make a personal connection.
When someone feels genuinely heard and understood, it will build
rapport and it lowers defenses.
They're much more likely to engage with what we have to say when they
feel like we've really heard them.
Empathy requires us to try and see the world through their eyes, even
if we don't share their beliefs.
People don't need you to believe what they believe, but they do need you to
see why they came to that conclusion.
It's about acknowledging their feelings and experiences as valid,
even if we interpret them differently.
All of this makes it sound like relational apologetics is simple.
All you need to do is to invite someone into community and listen to them
until they run out of things to say.
And then share the gospel.
And in some ways that's, that is true.
That's what makes relational apologetics and the Celtic way of evangelizing feel
less like it's going against the grain.
But what do you do if you can't hear someone's heart?
All you can hear is just the regular stuff.
So how do we move beyond those surface questions when it isn't coming naturally,
when you can't hear their heart?
Listen for the Holy Spirit.
Instead, here, T Wright shares about the role of the Holy Spirit
in uniting us into holy community.
Wherever they go, the spirit goes with them, which is why, in fact, most of the
controversies and difficulties in acts arise in relation to temples in Athens, in
Ephesus, and finally in Jerusalem itself.
The point seems to be that the community of Jesus followers is a
kind of movable temple movement with God's spirit going with them, leading
them active in their midst and through their witness wherever they go.
The New Testament seems to indicate that we should expect the spirit to
be constantly at work, continually challenging believers to new tasks,
to fresh holiness, to deeper and more searching prayer to a boldness
of witness and a patient resolve in building up Christian community.
It sounds like that what T Wright is suggesting here is that the role
of the Holy Spirit is to unit us.
In holy community bound together with Christ and with each other
like it says in Ephesians one 10.
And if it is the Holy Spirit that calls unbelievers to Jesus, then
the Holy Spirit truly is our great helper when it comes to both living
in community and in evangelism.
A community that is capable of listening, a family or a group of friends that all
practice hearing hearts of each other, and even those who don't yet believe in God.
Boy, that's a pretty unstoppable community.
We know that God is there.
Wherever two or three are gathered, we know that we are more likely to
hear the Holy Spirit through the Bible and through spirit-filled believers.
Now, imagine putting all of those things together, how powerful
and effective would that be?
Imagine having a community of believers who listen to you, who
hear your heart, even when it might not have much good to say.
Now, imagine introducing a lost friend or son or daughter you care about
to that community of spirit-filled listeners, even when you don't know
what's going on in the heart of this person you love despite trying to hear it.
Imagine instead, when two or three of you are listening both to this person's
heart and to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, that's life changing stuff.
Okay, so pause.
Let's revisit the potential concern.
Does focusing on empathy mean we neglect the intellectual substance of our faith?
Like does it mean we just give up the truth and the reason behind it?
Absolutely not.
I recall preaching a message on relational evangelism one time only to get negative
emails from people because I didn't talk about all of the logic I needed to share.
But relational apologetics recognizes that hearing the heart and understanding
the emotional context actually increases our ability to engage intellectually.
It helps us tailor our responses to them and the specific needs and
barriers of the person we're talking to.
It also enables us to know when they're ready to hear.
Just as when Peter told Jesus at the last Supper that he was ready to die for Jesus.
Jesus hurt his heart and knew that Peter actually was ready to die for him, but
he wasn't ready to live for him because Peter wasn't ready to hear that yet.
Jesus had to wait until after Peter had denied him three times
to ask Peter if he loved him.
Even then, he had to ask him three times until Peter was ready
to truly hear Jesus' profound offering of forgiveness and purpose.
When he asked Peter to feed his sheep, that's when Peter finally
heard that gospel, even after seeing his resurrected Lord.
So knowing the heart of the issue allows us to be more relevant and compassionate
in our intellectual engagement.
If someone is wrestling with the problem of evil because of a personal tragedy.
We might wanna start by acknowledging their pain, sharing how Christian
faith grapples with suffering, rather than immediately just launching into
abstract, philosophical arguments.
The goal isn't just to win a debate or present a flawless,
logical argument in a vacuum.
I mean, it's really not about to make a point.
It's about to make a difference.
It's to connect with the whole person.
Their intellect and their emotions in a way that allows them to genuinely
consider the claims of Christ.
This is how we as a community can create soil that is more fertile.
This is like the parable of the sower, but with a twist.
We know that it is the Holy Spirit that germinates the seed and reveals the truth
of Christ redemptive work, and we know that it is an act of faith that allows
someone to grow in the light of God.
But we are the harvesters Together as a community, we can
clear the rocks from the soil.
We can create an environment where the listeners are able to hear that truth.
This is often what parenting is.
It's presenting truth and knowledge, as well as preparing
our children to be able to hear.
So this aligns perfectly with Greg Coco's concept of pre evangelism.
Before we can effectively share the gospel, we need to prepare the ground
and a vital part of that preparation.
I.
Is by understanding the individual right in front of us.
It's about removing the stones from the field and identifying the stones
in their shoes, the obstacles, the hurts, the misunderstandings that
are preventing them from seeing the relevance of the Christian message.
By truly listing with empathy, we can begin to remove those stones when we
understand what it's like to walk in their shoes, their experiences, their doubts.
We can then communicate the gospel in a way that speaks directly to their
specific context and their personal concerns, showing them how it addresses
the deepest longings of the human heart.
The empathetic ear is not just a tool, it's an expression of Christian
Love and Christ-like humility.
It's about seeing the image of God in every person and valuing their story
even when it differs from our own.
Let's consider together think about a time when you felt really
understood by someone truly and deeply understood, especially when
you were sharing something vulnerable.
How did that experience impact you?
In our conversations about faith, how can we be more intentional about
creating that same sense of being heard and understood for the other person?
What are some practical ways we can show empathy even when we don't
fully understand or agree with someone's perspective on faith?
Take some time this week to practice active and empathetic listening.
Pay attention not just to the words, but to the heart behind them.
And as we look ahead to our next episode, let's consider this, how do
we maintain empathy and understanding when someone's worldview or experiences
seem completely opposed to our own?
How do we find common ground when it feels like there's a huge gulf between us?
That's a critical question, and it's what we'll be tackling in episode three.
Join us next time on Simple Faith as we explore the art of finding common
ground in relational apologetics.
Thanks for being with us on Simple Faith.
Connect with us@pastorrustygeorge.com
for more resources.
Until next time, let's keep it simple.