JUST MY POV

Are Adult Friendships Expensive To maintain?| Just My POV ft. PearlCardy & TheKendoll

Description:
Adult friendships: are they really worth the stress, or are they just high maintenance? 
In this episode of Just My POV, our hosts Pearl Cardy (the Millennial POV) and Ken (the Gen Z POV) dive into the ups and downs of maintaining friendships as adults.

From ghosting , defining who’s truly a friend , to the unspoken cost of staying connected. we’re breaking it

What is JUST MY POV?

Just My POV is a raw, real, and refreshing talk show where a millennial aunt and her Gen Z nephew go head-to-head on everything—love, money, culture, gender roles, and the messy parts of growing up in two different worlds.

They don’t always agree.
They don’t hold back.
But they always keep it real.

Each episode dives into the generational gap, the clash of values, and the moments that spark deep reflection—or full-blown arguments.

It’s not about who’s right.
It’s just their point of view.

Most adult friendships are not even supposed to be called friendships in the first place. How do you identify true friendships? Friendships is usually built based on mutual interest. However you treat me is how you're going to be treated. If you can't call your friend when you're down, that's [ __ ] up. If you can't hang out with your friends when you don't have money, that's [ __ ] up. But if you're caring, if you're paying attention, if you're intentional with me, I know I better be intentional with you. If I want to call you a [ __ ] up front, I will do that because a lot of people are very that they are so available to gaslight you. Every time you point out something that they've done that hurt you, they always like uh now but it's not like that. Why are you even doing like ha now? What for you? You're always so into yourself. You're always so everything is not about you. And then and all those answers too are telling me that bro, you're trying to [ __ ] with me, you know? You're really trying to [ __ ] with me by telling me, "Oh, it's not about you. Oh, it wasn't." Uh-uh. Are you crazy? Hey guys, it's that time again when we sit and chat between your favorite millennial and your favorite Gen Z. Period. Now this week has been quite eventful and I think that a lot of people have been you know into their own personal life. Some of them have not even you know remember to eat. Some of them didn't even take a good sleep. How about you? How are you feeling today? Um I think generally I'm feeling good but you know it's been work and a little bit of our rest energy but generally I'm surviving. How about you? Oh yeah I'm thriving bro. Like I'm always thriving. I'm blessed. I'm favored and everything. Yeah. But you know, every time we're right here on just my POV, this is like our little corner for us to sit, talk, laugh, you know, some people overshare a little bit. Mhm. So today, how about we just get into the topic of today? Now, this one is one that I know that a lot of people feel like making friends is very difficult. some for some people it's quite easy but genuinely I just want to ask especially for you as a Gen Z adult friendship you know adulthood friendship is it high maintenance or not like I feel like it's high maintenance but do you agree or disagree um I kind of disagree right I kind of disagree and I I kind of disagree and the reason why I disagree is because if I use myself as an example I have friends And the only reason they're your friends is be they your friends. Yeah. That's because you guys are able to connect in a way that probably you can't connect with the next person. You guys have history together. You guys have similar interests. You guys are able to connect on many things basically, right? Hence, they are your friends. And the only time that you can really be in a relationship or a friendship where it's high maintenance, then there's as real as that friendship can really be. You know, because if we're talking about about high maintenance, I'm talking about like you need to overcompensate. You need to overexlain yourself. You need to paint a picture that doesn't necessarily exist. No, that's not what I mean. Is then are you talking about finances? generally like in terms of finances, in terms of showing up, in terms of being present, in terms of Yeah. So, it's not about making compromises for your friend. It's just about being there. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's what I Okay. So, I feel like I feel like it Okay. Well, it's kind of expensive. It's kind of expensive. And it's expensive because it's expensive because what are your excuses for not giving your friend a birthday gift? what are your excuses for not showing up to probably their kids naming ceremony, you know, all those kind of things. And you need finances to fund all of these things. So that's the only time that we can be saying that okay, um it's you know, but generally I feel like if you are actual friends with these people, you don't have to you don't have to do too much. If you don't have something, then you don't have to. You know that's my question. Do you agree that adult friendship I don't understand all this English. Do you agree that adult friendship is high maintenance or if it's no high maintenance? Ah that's my question. It's kind of high maintenance. Kind of bro just say what it is. It's kind of high maintenance because a second it's kind of because my friendship in all honesty my friendship is not high maintenance. Y a second ago you were like no you think it's not. It's not. No, this is for people. I'm saying it because of course I'm friends with people, but these are not like my closest friends. My closest friends, if you're really really friends with people, then it doesn't have to be high maintenance cuz mine is not okay. So, so is not for you. That's not there's no kind of there's no always be straight. So, for me, I think it is high maintenance. Okay. And it's high maintenance because unlike like childhood where you don't really need to like for instance you make most of the friends that you had when you were young it's either from church or from school. So you have like a place where you guys see every day. Yeah. Regardless of your thoughts whether you want to see them or not you're going there. You're going to see them. And once they sit with you or sit beside you, that person is automatically your friend because that's the person that's in closest proximity with you in childhood, right? Yeah. But in adulthood, for you and another adult to be in the same place, it's either you guys are colleagues or you are partners. And usually colleagues are not really friends. You can be friends, but usually you're not that's not like your go-to friend when you have like a heartbreak or like something you Yeah, you can still talk to like your friend, but you get what I mean. No, no, no. So, that's what I'm saying about adult friendships. It's I'm arriving somewhere. So, comparing it to childhood friendships where you're going to school or you're going to church, it's inevitable to see each other. So, you guys have a bond every day. You grow together. Then in adulthood for you and another adult to be in the same space it means that maybe you guys are colleagues which like you know you just said it doesn't now really qualify you or necessarily qualify you to be friends but you can still have a connection in terms of okay where you now speak about certain things that affect you. Now for adults on the other hand when you're also trying to have a friendship for adults if you if like for instance like when I asked you first you were talking about oh why wouldn't you buy a gift for your friend's birthday why wouldn't you this why wouldn't you do that but often times you might not even have the resources for it you might even be so busy on that day and have something so important that you have to just be an emergency and you have to call your friend to explain to your friend that oh sorry I cannot make it and it will hurt that friend if it happens more than once that friendship is already a bit sketchy but with children whether you come you didn't come they will cry and forget about it and then it will just every the next time they see you they as excited now for me with my own friends I don't have a lot of friends at all I know a lot of people like I have a lot of colleagues acquaintances there's so many and we talk every time we see each other and we would spend so much time and be I you know talk about stuff but not those intimate stuff. Now the friends that are very few that I can have these conversations with I've built a kind of friendship where even if I don't see you I know that you are my friend here anytime you show up anytime I show up we continue where we left off 3 years 5 years 6 years 3 months 6 months 2 weeks 1 week 2 days whatever any time frame because I understand that they're busy and they should understand that I'm busy as I don't demand and expect them to always be at every function of my as high maintenance as that. So that's what I mean when I say that it's high maintenance. Like I don't expect them to do all that and I don't expect them to expect me to do all that for them because I don't hold it against you if you're unable to be present at certain times or things like that. So, and then also because you're adults now, if you check amongst even your friends, even though I don't think that you have like real friends, but anyways, I have very friends. Amongst your friends still, when you guys want to see, you want to go to like a dinner place or go to like drinks or go to like da da da, which is the same thing, you know, with any adults when you guys want to link up because you don't work in the same office, you don't go to the same school. So this is like an avenue causes it to be high maintenance because you still have to move there, spend there because you won't put your burden on another person. And even though you can even though like your friend will say, "Oh, don't worry, I got it." You wouldn't want to do I got it for like how many years. So it causes it to be high maintenance in my opinion. Adult friendships are. So I feel like for adults these days we were not very true to ourselves when we talk about friendships because you know most adult friendships are not even supposed to be called friendships in the first place. Someone who you cannot call in your time of need at your lowest times when you're broke when you don't look your prettiest when all of these things I don't think they should even be your friends in the first place. Of course you guys have history. Of course all of these things. But these people are not even your friend. Because if you can't call your friend when you're down, that's [ __ ] up. If you can't hang out with your friends when you don't have money, that's [ __ ] up. Because I feel like you guys should be able to stay. Even if it's closed doors, you guys should be able to stay indoors. I mean, even if it's indoors, you guys should be able to stay together. You don't need to you don't need to have walked hard. No, but you can come there, you know. No, that's an instance. I said an instance where you guys have to meet out but it doesn't mean that you can't visit your friend and stay with your friend. So like in adult friendship for adult friendships I feel like I wish more adults could be true to themselves with the title anybody who you need any any relationship that requires more than what nature has to give then I don't see how so so hang on a minute. So you feel so while you say that while you say that oh why wouldn't your friend send you a gift on your birthday da da da da da that's the effort we're saying oh I hope you know that so while you say that and then you now come around and now say oh it's only what nature has to give now your friend is how is the person your friend with without the effort so that's the point when you're saying only one nature the effort. Okay, so now let me explain this, right? Imagine my friend's birthday is coming up and I would normally get her a gift or something like that and now I'm unable to get her a gift. Well, I'm unable to get her a gift. That doesn't mean I can't call her on the phone. That doesn't mean I can't spend time with her. That doesn't mean I can't pray with her. I shouldn't have to care about whether I can give her a gift today. Nobody is saying that you have to, but that's the effort that I'm talking about. what you're saying, nature has to give. It's like you can just keep quiet and then go figure, but you can't just keep quiet and go figure. You have to at least put in some effort like calling or like saying, "Oh, send a message or repost the person." That's the effort. It's not about nature, what nature has to give. If you say what nature has to give, then it means that you're not putting in any effort whatsoever. The fact that it feels like an effort to me makes me feel like it's not real. So then that brings me back to why should it be an effort for you to call your friend if you're unable to buy a gift? Like why should that be an effort? That shouldn't be an effort. That's just what you do because you love your friend. Now that's why I say that maybe that's why I don't really believe that your friendships are like real real because if it's an effort for you to call or be present then it's not real. It's supposed to come to you naturally because you love your friend. I don't think like I stressed it here. I said that if you calling your friend is an effort, then it's not real. I made it clear and I said that relationships should be like if you're in a relationship with someone, you should be able to do things that nature naturally permits you to. You should naturally do things for your friends. If you're unable to give your friend a gift, then calling them is another option. There are so many more options. Calling them, spending time with them. These are just natural things that you should be able to do. And this is because you you feel somewhere in you that oh my god, I want to give my friend a gift and I'm unable to give my friend a gift. Now, the reason you're doing this is because you care for the person. So, you're naturally supposed to move towards doing anything that's going to make the person smile on that day. It's not about, oh, just if you can't if you can't take what nature has to nature is on its own. you are the other person who has to put in the effort that now makes it different. I mean I just feel that adult friendships as much as they are often times superficial because you have so many colleagues. You have so many acquaintances. You have business gatherings where you have to be at and make an appearance and smile and be talking to those people and say, "Oh, this is my friend. Her name is Da. We went to school together." And then you have to do all that stuff. Yeah, there is that. But that's acquaintances. That's why I said at the start of this conversation, I said I personally don't believe that I have a lot of friends, but I know a lot of people. I have so many acquaintances. That's there's so many and I'm really great with them. And I would most times in a gathering I'll most times refer to them as friends, which I don't have any like there's no backstory or like any suspicious or guilty part of it when I say that this is my friend. I really genuinely mean it because at that moment that's who you represent at that time. But then I also know that to actually maintain a friendship in adulthood because everyone is busy. Everyone is trying to make money. Everyone is trying to figure out this thing called life and find out how to navigate it. You it takes a lot for you to now say, "Oh, this other person I'm going to take my time to focus on this other person as well as me." Because building a friendship, you have to have a little bit of focus. That's that effort we were talking about where if the person is feeling bad, you drop what you're doing and you say, "Oh, so what's wrong?" And then even though you want to tell the person, "I told you so." You're like, "I'm so sorry. You lived your I told you so." on the side. And then you just Those are the things that come with adulthood, but I can't deny the fact that it actually takes that the person has to be special to you for you to show some specialy to the person. That's really how I see it. And I know that when we were young, it was more of as you're here now, we're having fun and that's that now at this moment. We don't have a later thought of our friendship as kids. But as adults, you have a later thought. You're hanging with somebody and you're like, hm, I kind of like how this person dressed when I invited him. So I think tomorrow I'm going to invite him out to Suzu place. And I know that you do it because And I know that your friendship exactly. So you see what I'm talking about when I say that the friendship is questionable, but it's okay. So people actually do that in adulthood. They're like, "Oh, I think I like how this person carries herself or carries. I think that your energy or your vibe can naturally assess where they think you would, you know, classify." And guess what? That thing is 419. It's 419. The biggest scam. I was like, I imagine you call me like 10 more times. I will come. I'll dress up. Yeah. It doesn't mean honestly. I see. So, yeah. So, that's where the adulthood friendship gets a little bit tricky. A little bit tricky. But the problem I have, like you said, that you think that adults should like classify their friends much better like not everybody is your friend. Absolutely. Not everybody is your friend. And and those people, they even know that they are not your friends. They wouldn't even refer to themselves as your friends. When they want to talk about you, they're never going to say, "Oh, that girl, she's my friend." No, they're going to say, "I know her now. That pale girl, I know her." And then that's that that that and then they now follow up with whatever it is that they want to say. They're not going to refer to themselves as your friends. So yeah, 100%. I feel like adults we just throw away that we throw around friends and friendship so frivolous so frivolously frivolously period frivolously we do that a lot but we kind of need to check that but in checking that people are so emotional people are really emotional so when you now don't call them your friend like outside I can say oh meets xyz I know the babe I have a crazy guy that I was trying to introduce to people and I'm like, "Oh, meet XYZ person." He's like, "Yeah, so who am I?" I'm like, "Where? Who are you?" He's like, "Yeah, I know you just said my name." I said, "Yeah, who are you?" And he was trying to guilt trip me for not saying my friend XYZ. So people get to do all those crazy crazy things even when they know that they're not your friend. So in adulthood, you kind of want to avoid all that [ __ ] Yeah. So if we're talking about like friendships, friendships, let's call this thing adulthood friendship going. not real friendship, right? Where you meet people like you know them and now you're supposed to identify as friends with them is very high maintenance. So that one the maintenance is like at the highest is at the highest because you need to look the part. You need to come financially ready. You need to come mentally ready to fake a smile till the end of the day. Yeah. Okay. That's it. So I want to talk about this part of friendships. Okay. So, there's this thing here that says that um not every loss is romantic. Losing a friend can hurt just as much. Not every not every loss is romantic? Lost. Okay. Losing a friend can hurt just as much. Have you ever been ghosted by a friend? And which hurts more? A slow fade or an abrupt cut off? Um I think a slow fade is good. Is it that one that do you like? um snake is painful and I'm such an emotional person. I'm very emotional when it comes to my friendship because I feel like if you're going to um rate it relationships over friendships, I'll pick friendships over relationships any day, anytime. I love my friends. I don't even play with them at all. Right? Because we've broken up and we got back together. Yeah. But relationships once you guys see relationship I beg come out to yourself another person can fill in the gap but true friends it's very hard and even those true friends is as true as they can even really be you know so those ones if they eventually just cut you off in a blink of an eye it's very painful because you don't have any time to you know mentally process the whole thing you're like huh you call around but you won't know first yeah you won't know first no now so you have pity PTSD, friendship for um PTSD for friendships, I have it. Yeah, I do too. I have it. And that's the reason why I'm as transparent as possible. If I want to call you a [ __ ] up front, I will do that. I'll do that. I would rather apologize later. But my dear, I will wash you because I wouldn't even have anybody try to make it look like I'm going to your back to talk. No, I don't even rate you that much, you know. So, I for friendships that they just cut you off, I would die. Simple. Yes. And people do not know, but it's going to kill me. I I'll act enough to not show it, but believe me, I'm dead. Now, for those ones that fade off gradually, I know a particular friendship of mine that is fading currently, and bye, girl. Yeah. Okay. So, you're comfortable with it? I'm comfortable with it. If it gradually fades, I'm I'm preparing my mind for it. Like, I've already seen the nonsense you're doing. I'll definitely try to reach out once or twice. You will pick your call. You will do like a nuisance and then I don't care again. Simple. It's better. It's better you f though cuz if you just do me like this, God will punish you. Simple. You know what's making me laugh? The way that you've been lamenting. I know you know that I cut people off immediately. I don't you do that. I'm a quick cut off. So the thing is although I am that I don't particularly um I don't make it so obvious to you that I'm cutting you off. You get me right? I cut you off and I cut you off immediately abruptly quickly because that's my intention to do so and I'm free to do whatever I feel like doing at any point in time about my life. Okay. Like friends or relationships? Friends. Friends. Okay. Now, the thing about when I cut you off is that I cut you off and I'm completely silent, but you know why I cut you off. It's an obvious reason. Like, you know, I would never deliberately just cut someone off or just ghost a friend just randomly like that. No, it's because you've done something and you did it and you know that you did it. I don't need to tell you that you did it. So the time so the time I cut you off even though it's abrupt you know you yourself you probably wouldn't even try to reach out because the guilty come the guilt will finish you will not bother to try the shame you just hide they will just hide because the thing about me is I take my time with my friends I'm a loyal person even with my relationships with work with whatever I'm straight to the point and I'm doing exactly what I need to do at the times I need to do it Yeah. I know. It's like a silence. Yeah. But you know, it's funny. It's funny how if I get cut off, I feel really bad. But with my friends, I eventually cut you off. But I've never cut someone off without having a conversation. Well, that's good because you like to speak. always have conversations like I'm going to call you on a random day and tell you hey what's up you see this thing you did at this time this time this time this time like I really would tell you everything because if I don't tell you I might be the one who you would have to cut off do you understand because I will do you very bad no you know so if I pile those things up it's bad for us moving forward the moment we have that conversation I'm starting on a clean slate or cutting you off from that day. Well, I think I think that so personally I'm not one to be talking a lot to be calling you. Yeah. But I feel like if I ever call you to speak about a situation that happened with you, Yeah. is because I really like you and I want to mend fences with you. That's the truth. If I don't if you see me call you to say oh this thing but why did you do this is because I want to mend fences because I still want to cure the situation. Let everybody move on. But if your attitude is really so questionable and I just keep quiet and I just snip just know that I'm not trying to get it back. I'm never trying to recover from like I'm I'm not even available for any lies. I'm not available for you to lie to me, for you to try to gaslight me or for you to try to pretend that that's not what's happening or that's what's happening. No, no, no. Because a lot of people are very they are so available to gaslight you every time you point out something that they've done that hurt you. They always like uh now but it's not like that. Why are you even doing like ha now? What for you? You're always so into yourself. You're always so everything is not about you. And then and all those answers too are telling me that bruh, you're trying to [ __ ] with me. You know, you're really trying to [ __ ] with me by telling me, "Oh, it's not about you. Oh, it wasn't. Uh-uh. Are you crazy?" So, if I speak to you, it's because I'm trying to reconcile. If I'm not speaking to you, don't worry about reconciliation. Now, that now brings us to the next question. You know, our guy, our camera guy was saying that he wanted to know something about friendships. Like how do you identify true friendships? Okay. And is there a way to maintain a friendship when you have identified the person or like the union? So, so basically you're asking like how to find a true friend, identify a true friend. Oh no, no, you know that you don't really go out to like be finding friendship. It's not like and how you sustain the friendship. How do you identify that this person is actually a friend? So I feel like for friendships or my friendships is usually built based on mutual interests, right? So you randomly meet someone on a random day, you guys exchange pleasantries or not, but some way somehow the world has a way of aligning things when it comes to friendships. These are not things you do by yourself. You don't get to actually fingerpick your true friends, your encounters together, your encounters together, and your experiences moving forward, how you both looked for a way to manage situations. That's how true friendship is. There's no there's no lookbook on how to treat your friend, how to find a friend, how to these are just things that nature does for you, you know. Now sustaining the friendship is not what nature is going to handle for you. When it comes to sustaining your friends, you're sustaining your friends by you know cbing your excesses. There are certain things your friends like your friend likes that you don't like. There are certain things you like and your friend does not like. you guys both coming together and you know finding a common ground where you both can stand on keeps the friendship for the longevity of the whole thing you know so basically what I'm saying in essence is you meet someone friendships you do not get to decide who your friends are you don't get to decide how good your friend is going to be all those things are on your friend and your friend can only be as good and as loyal to you depending on how they feel about you know so it's just The thing that God gives to you. That's funny. Sustaining the relationship is left to you because you're not going to have someone who you know has worked so hard to keep you guys together. You now fumble in the person's face. That's [ __ ] So I feel like how you identify your friends because you don't go out looking for them. you just stumble on people, you just meet people and then so I feel like how you identify your friends usually is with how they treat you. I understand that you say that, oh, when you have common interest and whatnot, common interests are nice because at least you guys have something to talk about, something to do together, but personally for me, I pick out my friends based on how they treat me. However you treat me is how you're going to be treated. So if you have like if you're caring, if you're paying attention, if you're intentional with me, I know I better be intentional with you because I'm not trying to flop that friendship. I already see the value in you. I already see that this person is a straightforward, put together person regardless if the person has a different interest from Yeah. or not or the same interest. Like I just know that the way that you treat me is how I already know that oh this person holds me in high esteem. This person has some respect for me or this person has you know some decency or this person was brought up the right way to be able to to know how to handle people. So first of all that's how I identify the people that I call my friends. Then how do I maintain friendship? I just do what you do with me. So the catch here I know it's so funny but I'm just being for real. I'm being straight up for real. Like I'm not trying to sugarcoat nothing. I'm not trying to be funny. I'm just saying it as it is. So the energy that you give me today is energy I'm giving you today. If tomorrow you decide to switch up on me, [ __ ] I'm switching up on you twice as much because I need you to understand that if you do not like this treatment, don't bring it to me. If you bring it to other people or if you take it to other people, that's fine because I would never even judge you based on who you are with others or what I've heard about you or what somebody says about you. That's not my own business. My business with you is your business with me. So I start to create a story and memories with you from the moment I meet you. And it's between you and I. And I think that that thing has kind of a lot of people have this fake friendship where they bond with you based on that interest that you said common interest and usually that common interest with a lot of toxic people is another person that they hate together. So like now you know somebody like Yeah, I'm trying to explain. I'm trying to explain. You see somebody, you know that this person and this person don't talk together or like they don't blend. You two, you don't blend with this person. You now create a friendship with this person based on the fact that both of you don't like this chick and then you sit down the whole hours talking about this chick based on the hatred of someone else on another person someone else's hatred or like someone else and that's what I see that a lot of people do and a lot of people have friendship and they build on that friendship based on ah two of them will sit down and talk you not see how she did that day you not see how and then they say okay see you tomorrow they call each other and then they continue with that kind of conversation issues and gossip about oh why are you talking about and try to defend the person I probably wouldn't but I won't just answer you because I have nothing to say I'm sorry I have nothing to say about someone else and I'm not going to bond with you based on you speaking about someone else because tomorrow you will decide to speak about me with someone else and And the and the ripple just for me I'm not about that. I'm not down with that. Those fakery done. Yeah. I think I think you can always discuss people with me. Yeah. It's okay for you to discuss people with me but I'm not your friend though. Will you answer? If I don't like the person and the person is not my friend, I will answer. So that's the thing with me. Even if I don't like the person, I'm not going to put salt and pepper. I can laugh. I can because I've laughed before and that you know is adding extra to I would laugh or I can humor you and be like yeah but after some time I'm one of those people that will be like I be oh everybody's just trying to figure this [ __ ] out like everybody's just I'm that person who just be like everybody's but I find that a lot of people get uncomfortable once you become like once you say that yeah or once you say that they start to get uncomfortable but the funny thing is you would never see me go out and tell anybody that you said whatever it is that you said. It's none of my I don't care about the conversation that seriously that I will remember it and carry it in my head and then go to another setting and start to pour it out. I don't have the in I'm not interested in all that talk. That's cute. It's none of my business. I'm actually here for the tea. FYI, I'm here for the tea. If you feel like you want to discuss people like you want to gossip, bring it here. I'm actually very ground. I will gossip with you. No, no, no. If it's someone who I dislike, I would say exactly what the person did. Oh my god, this what this person did to you. That person is so horrible. But you need to know that while I'm having that conversation with you, I'm looking at you because you can't be my friend. Because I wanted to say that don't you think you're trying to bond with a person on another day? I'm having a very temporary conversation that satisfies something in me. Okay, that's different. I get that. I've done that before, but I don't do that now. I'm too grumpy for that. But I have one last one last part about this friendship thing. And this thing is so serious that I find that it happens a lot if you're in a group of friends, like a group of friendships, and then you guys have been friends together, but then you're now in like a WhatsApp group, but you still feel left out. Um, okay. That's a friend group on a WhatsApp platform. Even if it's not WhatsApp, like just a group chat basically and then you feel left out like nobody's talking to you. Nobody like it's not even just nobody. So like even when you write a comment, oh nobody's really Yeah. Nobody's saying anything but they're answering the next comment that's coming after. Um that's a very awkward situation to be in, right? And it happens a lot. But I know that I know that I know that I've made someone feel that way and it's because the person just messes up. That's different. Like if you're somebody who is on a group and you do not interact with people on the group, you don't engage when they send stuff there. You just ignore them. I don't see why you should expect anybody to speak to you whenever you now finally want to speak. No, I'm that particular friend who is not going to respond to you. But you know that, hang on. But you know that it's also possible that that person is just not available when the thing comes. I understand because because I've been in a group chat and this was a walk group chat by the way. So there's no need of feeling left out or left in I don't I don't really care about that. But what I'm trying to say is often times when they put out like a post or something is maybe like at the end of the day because I'm a phone person but I'm not really a phone person. I'm a phone person in the sense that when I have something to post I'm right there and I'm posting the thing but then the only time I'm really on the phone is like later in the night. I feel you. So it's like later in the night that I get to see these comments that are on the group chat but everybody has spoken. Please, I even want to ask you guys post your comments underneath. If you think that if you're in a group chat and they've already talked about everything in the morning, you now see it in the evening, should you still respond or should you just walk up past respond? Respond though. If you like see a message I drop on a group chat 10 years later, you did not respond. I give you like this. That's you. That's Are you all right? That's better respond. But see, there was once that I responded and it was in the evening and I'm like, "Oh, guys." And the only comment I got from one person was like, "Lasma." And nobody said anything like you're the last. Yeah. To see the So from there, I'm like, "Guys, I'm sorry. I'm never going to lie. There's no point bothering me. I won't talk again. Besides, they've gone past." That's what I'm saying. They've gone past me last month. Thank you. How dare you? That's exactly what happened. And because of that is still because of that till today like this if I'm in any chat you guys I know some of you guys will be watching this and you know that I'm in your group chats the only reason I'm not answering is maybe I saw it later and after that incident of last month I've been traumatized I have PTSD honestly chat and he did and this person didn't put any laughing emoji or anything last I just looked at my phone that's insane I I no blame because I carry my finger to honestly to answer next time you will never see my comment and I've just stopped commenting or like answering you know me I said it but you know what's funny mine was 10 a whole 10 period and you see how she's the eight that's how they were hot they were all hot too but friend groups can't even work especially in adulthood you definitely going to have that one person who you like out of the other one and you see me in your friend group I'm sorry I make it so clear that I love this particular person out of all of you and if you cannot deal with it get out of the friendship and that's why we are here you people wanted my friendship to destroy look at how we are driving and enjoying look at you boring you didn't come for our birthday I just had to say thank you so much I've cleared my chest with all that's been said adult friendships to be honest require a law that require intention, effort, and even sometimes forgiveness, you know, but it's it's worth it. Actually, at the end of the day, it's worth it because, you know, you're going to be needing these friends in the chaos of adulthood. Mhm. So, yes, we also want to hear your comments. Send us a voice note, a DM, or even in the comment section. Post your posts. Period. And until next time, take care of yourself and your friendship.