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Some Future Day evaluates technology at the intersection of culture & law.Â
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Join Marc Beckman and his esteemed guests for insider knowledge surrounding how you can use new technologies to positively impact your life, career, and family. Marc Beckman is Senior Fellow of Emerging Technologies and an Adjunct Professor at NYU, CEO of DMA United, and a member of the New York State Bar Association’s Task Force on Cryptocurrency and Digital Assets.   Â
Marc Beckman: [00:01:00] Good afternoon. How are you?
Drea de Matteo: Welcome to meet you.
Marc Beckman: Welcome to Some Future Day. It's good to meet you. It's good to see you. We're gonna, we're gonna rock and roll today. I'm gonna get right into it with you. I recently heard you say, This. Now with technology, we have more freedom, but less freedom.
Drea de Matteo: Oh, that's like a meme. These are like words of wisdom from China. They're so bad, too.
Marc Beckman: Words of wisdom from you. You said it. Now with technology, we have more freedom, but less freedom. And I'm curious, like, what do you think? What's, like, where, what's the, uh, what's the impetus behind that statement?
Drea de Matteo: I mean, well, for me, I can [00:02:00] go on for days about some of these things, but I, I don't know anything about technology. I'm not technologically inclined at all with anything. I could barely get on this fucking podcast today and figure it all out, but I do feel like we have this gift of information because information is always, you know, knowledge is power, wisdom, all of these things.
You have this information highway, but it is, I mean, there's so many different reasons why. It cuts off your freedom and gives you freedom, but the reasons why for me that, I mean, the thing that, the thing that it's doing to my children, first of all, is, it's creating this, like, short circuiting mind. Where everything has to be so immediate and everything has to be so fast.
and then they don't have that freedom of imagination anymore. That everything has just become so, um, boxed in. What, you have this, this big thing, this big learning web of [00:03:00] stuff, but they focus on the, on the minutia of life. And I feel like because technology has become so advanced, and because our society and the people that are in power that have always been trying to sort of take over the universe like a fucking Marvel movie, The evildoers, the money hounds, the corporate, you know, industrial fucking complex out there.
I think that they're able to really drive their agenda home now with technology. I mean, listen, I don't want to sound like a psycho conspiracy theorist, but when all the conspiracies start to come true, it's hard to unsee the reality. And that's part of technology. Like, how would I have ever known there was a differing opinion?
But then again, you have legacy media not allowing the masses [00:04:00] to consume any other opinions other than the ones generated by, I don't know, you know, the banking systems and the power that be behind the folks in the White House. You probably don't want me on your podcast. You probably need to hit
Marc Beckman: happy, Trey, I know I'm happy. I want to go back, actually, you said something very profound as it relates to your children, like how old, if you don't mind me asking, how old are your children?
Drea de Matteo: They are 16 and 12, so my 16 year old, during the pandemic, mandates all of this stuff, BLM, all of that. She wanted to understand what the fuck was happening, cause even mommy couldn't answer those questions. I was like, We need to not follow anybody because I don't think anybody should. I was not raised to follow the masses.
I was always raised to think independently. When you go to school, we were taught to do that. Always. This is new. I mean, listen, I know school's always been somewhat of an [00:05:00] indoctrination thing, but school is really for kids to learn how to like grow up and socialize and be with each other. They don't even do that now.
It's this, you know, it's this all day, all day long, all day long. And it's like, so they're not even getting, they're not even getting the full indoctrination of what is the new form of it. Um, but as far as free thinking, you know, we're not, we're not free thinkers anymore for the, for a large, well, a large degree.
Marc Beckman: I think technology really has a chilling effect, not just on teenagers. I happen to have a 15 year old son who it sounds like is similar to your 16 year old, always doomscrolling and gaming and it's nonstop. And I actually get. Physical pleasure in knowing that my son is not holding a device and maybe walking across a grass field and able to like think a little bit to like come up with ideas and be creative where he's not encumbered with messages flowing through TikTok or through, you know, [00:06:00] Minecraft or Fortnite non stop.
So I think there's this concept that I've been struggling with, Drea, that I want to ask you as it relates to not just children, but like, We, so we the, we the, we think about the, we think about, you know, We think about like us, like us as adults, the idea is like basically the corrosive effects of electronic media on democracy, on society.
So we think about, you know, you, you keep mentioning like the man, the corporation, the, the, the, um, the government, and we think about them, um, putting propaganda out. That might be negative, right? It might be bad messaging. What about this concept? The idea of, um. Pleasure, where, um, it's actually giving so much joy to your 16 year old and my 15 year old, but we're feeding their brain with such garbage that they're, they're being beaten down and not able to develop intellectually, creatively, uh, to self actualize because they're so, um, entertained and gaining so much [00:07:00] pleasure from.
You know, nonstop devices. Like what about that idea? So sometimes there's negative messaging and sometimes it's like just pleasurable nonsense. And they're, they're taking in so much of the latter, so much pleasure that it's destroying their brain and possibly even hurting our society.
Drea de Matteo: Well, I have two, I have two kids. My 16 year old won't touch. She's not a scroller, she's not a tick, she doesn't have, none of my kids have TikTok, um, because they know everything about it and they, they don't want to get it, they don't want to succumb to that. But my 12 year old son is a big gamer and he loves it and he's the best.
So, when your kid is the best at it and you tell them, we gotta put a stop on this, like my boyfriend, their dad lets them do whatever they want with the phones and the electronics cause he's, he grew up with like super electronics. Um, and he's a musician and he uses all this stuff, so, and they go between our homes, so there's a lot of um, [00:08:00] you know, we have to balance it out, big time, I think balance is a key word here by the way, I think balance is a key word for everything, it's just too bad that most people.
Want to tip a scale all the time? mentioned seeing your kid running through a field, like, I feel bad.
I mean, he'll hit me with that, too. Well, I have nowhere to go, and I have, you know, you don't let me do anything. Like, when we were kids, we used to get on our bikes and go meet up, you know? We were, I mean, even though every kid's face was on the milk carton, it still didn't feel, we were talking about this last night, like, after 9 11, it felt like that's when all the schools start, all the school shootings, like, like everything kind of just, that was the huge shift where we felt our freedom was gone, like the innocence was completely gone.
So, with all of this, and that's when I remember, it was my first, oh hi, hello, that was my first, um, PowerBook, the MacBook Pro, and they came in the big [00:09:00] colors, and they were thick and chunky, and I was telling my kids about that last night. Um, we didn't have a way to constantly be in touch, and because these kids are constantly in touch this way, us as parents are like, that's enough, because I don't even want my kid out of the house.
Because everything's so fucked up out there. I don't even want people out of there. I mean outside of the house, but when he's with his friends on Fortnite and they're on this thing called Discord and they're all walking on Discord I want to leave him there so he can hang with his friends because it's a hang room, but they're fucking destroying each other Cursing at each other, bullying each other.
He's the best at the game. They're bullying him because he's so good at it. Teenagers want to play with him, so I don't want to take that away from him, but my
Marc Beckman: that's that pleasure that I'm talking about. That's that, that's like, he's amusing, amusing himself to death. Right? Like, it's
Drea de Matteo: and quick gratification. It's
Marc Beckman: correct,
Drea de Matteo: my boyfriend wrote, my boyfriend for [00:10:00] Christmas, because we got him a new PC. And I didn't want to give him the PC, but we got it for him. Because he's the only kid in his age group that doesn't have fancy PC. And I'm just like, okay, so I'm the asshole mother. So I give him
Marc Beckman: gaming? Right? He needs the PC for gaming.
Drea de Matteo: Oh yeah, and it's like a fucking beast. So he gets a, uh, he has to sign a contract that's literally this long, that my boyfriend wrote, that's super funny, but like he really cares about this kid and his mind because he grew, he's a real creative, my boyfriend, and does all these things. Like he, we make t shirts, he makes all his music videos, he's, everything, we have a music studio, we have everything technological in this house.
But it's all being used towards, Creativity and not just because when blackjack is my son when he's not gaming He's watching YouTube videos of people gaming and that is that had to stop. So now he has an
Marc Beckman: himself, this is, this is the whole, this is my whole idea. So like the
Drea de Matteo: He's not [00:11:00] amusing himself to death. He has nothing else. He doesn't focus and if you take it away They have to use their imaginations. When he was gaming for six hours a day, he was burnt, he was fried, he acted like an asshole. There was something wrong with him all the time. Everything hurt. It's that generation.
He was acting like a pussy all the time. Everything hurts. You ask him to open the door for some fresh air, and he's like, but my wrist hurts. I'm like, no, fuck this. That computer goes off in an hour and a half, you are done. You are going to find other ways to get happy and to, because you're not even proud of yourself when you're looking at a screen all day in that capacity doing that.
There's no real
Marc Beckman: I think it's depressing. I
Drea de Matteo: Me too!
Marc Beckman: it's depressing. I think it's
Drea de Matteo: Any!
Marc Beckman: I, I think like now we have like mental illness in our nation at all time high, and it seems like children are mentally ill. More so than ever before. And I think that gaming has a lot to do with it personally. I understand where you're coming from because I actually feel [00:12:00] liberated.
Jude, our son Jude, got into gaming during the pandemic and now he has friends all over the world that he's been gaming with since then. So it makes me happy that he's engaging, but at the same time, um, you know, I think it's creating this, what I call the age of dumb and, um, where, where essentially, you know, Because he's so amused and he's having so much fun.
He's not getting the time to perhaps educate himself. And maybe this is like, I guess, like, let's, let's go beyond the children now at large, perhaps it's your peers in, um, like social circles or from your industry, from acting and whatnot, like they're not educated. They're not taking the time to do the work.
They're not taking the time to read, to have applied deductive reasoning. Um, to understand just the truth and what's right and what's wrong. And perhaps in this age of dumb, it's hurting our society at large.
Drea de Matteo: I think so. I think so in, in a huge way and I think people are relying so much, especially the adults when they're, when [00:13:00] they're going through what, what would show up in their feed, say, They're sticking to what the narrative is of their own algorithms, and they're not looking outside of it. They're not even trying to find the truth anywhere, and, and I don't know why anybody trusts their government to the level that they're trusting it right now.
Especially after the entire world managed to shut down the entire world for the first time in mankind. I want to understand that shit, and so do my kids. So my daughter, she spent all her time during the pandemic researching what the truth was here. Try and uncover the truth. So in that way, there's beautiful freedom in the internet, but then there's censorship, and you can't possibly censor everything.
However, when some of the truth does seep out, you start to question even the truth, because if the overlords really are controlling all of this, how does it even get past them? So it's this, it's a moment of full brain chaos. We
Marc Beckman: So it's [00:14:00] interesting this week, I don't know if you're aware, but just this week they're arguing about there's a censorship case, in front of the United States Supreme Court and the issue is whether or not the United States government, by the way it was both Trump and Biden administrations, used too much coercion to shut down the free, Flow of information across social media platforms and um, that's actually a case that the Supreme Court is listening to this week right now as we're.
Drea de Matteo: Kennedy's? Is it not Kennedy's? Kennedy's been suing the Biden administration over it. Is that, is this the same case?
Marc Beckman: He might be a party to it. I'm not sure if this
Drea de Matteo: He's full on suing for his own They've been censoring him way before he started running for president. He's been banned all over social media because of children's health defense.
Marc Beckman: yeah, I, I, you know, he says a lot that's interesting, but then there you go again, like Kennedy is an interesting situation because he's, he's, you know, to a certain extent, a cult of [00:15:00] personality, but yet why doesn't mainstream media, Drea, give him the opportunity? To speak, you never see him on any of the major network channels, right?
You don't ever see him, mostly his campaign, his campaigns on, on platforms like this, right? You'll see him on Joe Rogan and, and other platforms. But in your opinion, I mean, you really know the entertainment industry. Why do you think that you won't see him on, you know, NBC News or CBS or MSNBC?
Drea de Matteo: I mean, his, I don't know that a lot of people know about children's health defense, and I don't think a lot of people know how many great things this man has actually done. I think that if liberals found out that he is exactly What their old sensibilities would have latched on to, if they would actually give him a chance to be heard, it would be over.
And this administration is hanging on really, really tight because they've managed to do, they've rolled out [00:16:00] this agenda in that pandemic. In my Personal opinion and not just mine. I think a lot of people will agree with this, but no one will speak out. I'm now now I'm out there. Like everybody, I've been so afraid and quiet for a long time, with Kennedy, listen, everyone's gonna hang their hat on his anti vaxxer stance. He's not an anti vaxxer. That was never his stance.
He just happened to sue, some pharmaceuticals over certain kids. That developed, um, that developed issues after their vaccines, and he stood by those parents, and he took a deep dive, and today he's also a health nut, you know, some, I know a lot of super crazy healthy people, that it's just not their bag, it doesn't have to be everyone's bag, you know what I mean, if you're not, and it was clear that we weren't hurting other people, I mean, I guess if anybody really researched it to the degree that And me and my kids and a lot of other people did during that time, but they're going to hang it on him being an anti vaxxer.
And that's kind of that he was [00:17:00] spreading misinformation. And look, Rolling Stone just interviewed me and I took the, I took the bait on that interview. I knew that I didn't really want to. The interview by Rolling Stone, even though that's everyone's dream in life when you're young. And, you know, we were on the cover of it when we were, we were on The Sopranos, but I never gave a personal interview to Rolling Stone Magazine.
Why the fuck are you interested in me now? I mean, this is 20 years later. You still want to talk about The Sopranos? Like, what do you really want to talk about? What are you really looking for? I don't read any interviews that I give or, or I don't watch them. but it was a bet we had going that they were going to fucking destroy me.
Because we've been promoting this brand and we've been promoting it a lot and a lot of people are seeing it as this right wing thing, but then a lot of people, yeah,
Marc Beckman: brand, ultra free?
Drea de Matteo: It's on streetwear, Bram, but it's not right wing anything. It's no wing. It's, it's not, it's not right. It's not left. It's, this is about righting the middle and for [00:18:00] people to start coming back together and unifying people.
But um, but this is, but they, but it's a smear campaign and Kennedy's whole fucking message is we have to unite everybody again. We can, every, it's we
Marc Beckman: I hear him. I hear him talk about that.
Drea de Matteo: Yeah, and I know people have issue with him, some people want to call him a fucking PSYOP at this point, and you know what? Who the fuck knows what's real and what's not real anymore?
His messaging is the right messaging, so was, so was Vivek's, Vivek's message was the right messaging, but then people said he was a young global leader and that we shouldn't give him any, any um,
Marc Beckman: So, Che, like, what, like, like, when you talk about the truth and, and, and freedom, and then you talk about, um, people, like, not willing to understand that, um, that those elements, like the truth and Freedom. It's interesting, um, when you talk about Kennedy because Kennedy is also part of the LA community, right?
His wife is connected. So are you [00:19:00] seeing other celebrities now, endorsing him and supporting him or are they shying away and they, and for the most part they go to, they go to Biden?
Drea de Matteo: Listen, there was a fucking party. They were having a birthday party for him. That was a fundraiser birthday party in Palm Springs. All of us were going to it, I believe, and they, they called it off. They called it off. The people on the list were Martin Sheen and Andrea Bocelli and some others. And then the next day in the news, Martin Sheen came out and said, I was never endorsing Kennedy.
I was always endorsing Biden. I didn't know that I believed that. My, my, my initial instinct was to, was to say to myself, well, Wow, someone got blackmailed, because what the fuck is that about and why wouldn't people of Hollywood that are so tied up in Bye In human rights, in [00:20:00] justice, and you have the most like, he's got the perfect messaging for you.
His track record, like if you look at, do you know who Jessica Reed Krause is?
Marc Beckman: I do not
Drea de Matteo: She's a journalist, so she's the only person out there right now. She was this woman who out of nowhere covered the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial.
And people went fucking bananas over her on Instagram. She became like an Instagram sensation.
Marc Beckman: Okay, I think I know who you're talking about actually.
Drea de Matteo: yeah, her, her, her web, her um, Instagram is called Haus Habit. Women fucking love her. She stopped covering entertainment stuff. And decided to get completely, she became so immersed and so enthralled in this campaign
Marc Beckman: She's following him, right? Isn't she reporting back from the campaign for RFK?
Drea de Matteo: So now Trump, Trump and
Marc Beckman: article about her recently. Yep.
Drea de Matteo: in the Washington, in the Wall Street Journal.
Marc Beckman: Mm hmm.
Drea de Matteo: Yeah, [00:21:00] yeah, so, this is fucking so bizarre and these are the times we're living in. So, she's lost a lot of followers, but she still has a huge substack. So, she follows Kennedy around, she did her first real profile on Kennedy.
Like a, a full written video on Jacque, she did, I think she did her second one on me, which we have, it's not out, but um, she did this whole thing on Kennedy, Trump's campaign people saw that what she's doing with Kennedy's campaign, they invite her too, so now she's covering both, from the inside, not from, not on the outside, no fake news, All on the inside, and really, I mean she probably is a little more, um, she's a little more intimate with the Kennedy camp than she is with the Trump camp.
The Trump camp is just a big, he's got what he needs, you know what I mean? Kennedy, he, here's the thing, I feel like he and Trump have a lot of the similar, They have a lot of similar goals right now, which is defeating the globalist agenda is the main thing, because we don't matter anymore, unless you're a [00:22:00] super millionaire.
We really don't matter, and they just want to kind of crush the middle class. the difference between Trump And Kennedy is that Kennedy comes across as kind, and he defines every single thing. Trump spews stuff like, we're gonna get China, we're gonna do this, so we're gonna, you know, he's got his fucking, he barks out what he's, and no one knows even what he's talking about, mainstream, except for the people that really follow him and understand what's happening behind the scenes, but Kennedy defines everything.
Everything for the everyday person to understand exactly what they need to do to dismantle the system, which
Marc Beckman: he's a great orator and he thinks in a very cogent way, but do you think he has a chance? Do you think he actually has a chance to be president? Or do you think it's really Biden Trump?
Drea de Matteo: it's important to have him elevated and to have his voice out there as much as possible because it is Biden Trump. I do think it is. I think he's too. I think that he's getting in there and a lot of [00:23:00] people that refuse to, people who have like the Trump derangement syndrome will not look at Trump.
There's a lot of. You know, people are just not looking at policy like you are. No one, I don't, at the end of the day, I'm not even going through every policy. Even though I know some stuff, I'm not smart enough for a lot of that. For
Marc Beckman: Jay, do you think most, do you think most people are, are, are, like, do you think that we're so extremely separated right now, the left and the right? Or do you think most, a majority of Americans are actually in the middle and looking, you know, Kennedy does give a unifying message and in many cases he has, um, policy that falls to the left.
Um, and in some time, some cases, um, some might argue his policy falls to the right, right? Like he went down to the border. Remember he posted that social media clip of like why we need to close the border right away. People might say that's more of a conservative Republican perspective. Do you think a majority of people are actually centrists today?
And it's the media perhaps that's spreading everybody apart?
Drea de Matteo: [00:24:00] you know, I live in LA, you live in New York. You know that there are certain people that are just fucking so brainwashed still. There's definitely an unraveling that needs to be done. But see someone like Ethan Christie, she's like, well, where are you getting your information from? Why are you like this now?
You've changed. And I'm like, no, I haven't. I'm the same. That shit changed. I was like, and I can't call him. I cannot put a label on myself anymore. I don't associate with this side, that side. I am right here in the middle. And I think we all need to fucking fall there. But yes, I do think that Or more, you're starting to hear people coming around,
Marc Beckman: Elon posted something that showed like the Democrat party kind of moving away from him and, and just with the name Kennedy and, you know, top of mind because we're talking about it like, I don't think JFK would fit into the Democrat party today, right? Like he was pro second amendment, he was about trickle down economics, lower taxes.
In many cases, John F. Kennedy, our [00:25:00] former president, would not be a Democrat today.
Drea de Matteo: no, it's funny, my son's doing a whole piece on him right now, and he's spewing Kennedy stuff at the dinner table. He's 12, and the waiter's like, I love this conversation. But um, I watched the debate between he and Nixon,
and um, it was so interesting, because it's a lot of stuff that we would disagree with now, and that Nixon was, He was right.
But back, but Blackjack, my son, they were talking about the school system being, um, being government, government run, that the schools should, that the government should have a hand in the school systems. And now I would not agree with that. I don't agree with those, with these sentiments, but Blackjack was saying, but back then they were deferring more to the state and the state was having more responsibility.
And it's true. And that's why
Marc Beckman: of Education. I think the Federal Department of Education came right around that time period, maybe a little bit later, in fact, but you know, how does it make sense, Treya, that a [00:26:00] federalized policy applies into second, third, and even fourth tier markets, right? Like what I need in New York City or what your children need in Los Angeles certainly is not the same as what somebody might need in a rural part of New York.
you know, a mid Atlantic state or a rural part of, you know, the Midwest. So why do you think we're like moving as a culture so closely towards federalized education and federalized programs in general?
I think it's control. I think that there's a narrative, and I mean, I could be really wrong about this, because I've never really I just took my kids out of the public school system. I couldn't take it anymore. They also were becoming increasingly more and more, um, frustrated themselves, because they weren't learning.
Drea de Matteo: They weren't getting the kind of education. They come home and talk to me and there's, and they don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So they wanted to elevate a little bit. They, they were learning nothing. I hate to say it. They were learning, um, they [00:27:00] were learning about, you know, I don't want to sound like an asshole, but A lot of talking about this sort of equitable math, and critical race theory, and whole English class rooms were about, they were, they were using this poetry that was some of the worst poetry I'd ever heard.
If it was good, and you want to teach this, this subject of, You know, if you want to get into these like amazing conversations, political conversations, but it's an English class, like let's just get through English right now. These kids are little and they should
Marc Beckman: Where was this in, was this in LA, Treya?
Drea de Matteo: Yes. And then they're handing out hangers in front of the schools before the kids go in In what
saying that motherhood is, um, motherhood is indoctrination and all this stuff.
Like, uh, I mean, motherhood is enforced slavery. they were handing out hangers on her way into school and her way out of the school. So she'd get in the car and some days she'd have like four hangers. I'm like,
Marc Beckman: that was to [00:28:00] symbolize, that was to symbolize abortion.
Drea de Matteo: They were protesting abortion.
It's like these gay boys outside protesting abortion, and I'm just like, first of all, I hate when men deal with abortion. Could we just leave fucking abortion alone? Let the women talk. This is a female conversation. I, you know, I understand if the Christian conservatives want to deal with it, because for them it's more of a God issue, and it's less of a, you know, a woman's body issue, but when the liberal men do it, I'm just like, come on.
You know, you're really gonna get out there and fucking fight for women's rights? Let the women fight for the women's rights. Maybe I'm an asshole for saying that, but it's always just a little funny to me. It's like a man virtue signaling you really care about the fucking woman's reproductive system and them having their rights, but whatever.
That's just my opinion. And I come from a family of abortionists, so this is coming from, not from somebody who is, um, I'm pro choice all the way. But when I hear like these, when these matter in [00:29:00] the street, but anyhow, my daughter came home, and this is technology again, the kind of information you can learn on the grand old internet.
This is not deleted from, from people's minds, but other things are, like important medications that you might be able to take to heal yourself. Those things might be censored. But having three women debate in a courtroom why third term abortion should be legal or why post term, like, she would bring me these videos, my daughter, she was 15 at the time, and she would say, Mama, what do you think about this?
And I'm like, is this real? Is this a deep fake? Like, what are they talking about? And then I would have to now research all this stuff because At school, they're teaching them that this is good, this is great. Not only are they teaching them this is good and this is great, but they're also, she brings me another video where you have these young girls.[00:30:00]
You know, piercings everywhere, the fucking crazy hair, and they're saying, I wish when I had my abortion, that I could have, I could have ripped the baby out, limb by limb. I'm like, what in the fuck is happening? So I do feel like, with technology, Things have become so aberrated, like the things that we fought for, the things that were somewhat meaningful, that gave you a little bit of liberation in life.
Like if a woman really couldn't deal with a certain way of life, like, look, I wish when I was a kid that I knew that I could have kept a baby. I've had two abortions. I wish that I knew that I could have this child and somebody might help me, but I never even knew it was an option. I was never taught that.
I was just, I came from a family of, you know, my great grandmother was the only abortionist in Harlem in the 1950s. And she was an amazing person. Amazing. And she delivered more babies than she, because they would come to her, all these [00:31:00] mafia guys with women that were pregnant in the third term, and say, get rid of this fucking baby.
And she would be like, I'm not a murderer. And he, and, because they thought she was a murderer, even though they were murderers, you know?
Marc Beckman: The mafia.
Drea de Matteo: Yeah, they hated her for years until they needed her for their Gumars And then these women would come and they were like about to have the babies. And he's like putting a gun to her head, like, you have to get rid of this baby.
So she would hide them. She would hide these women. And she would deliver the babies and place them around Manhattan and around, you know, America. But anyhow, with
Marc Beckman: That's your grandmother.
Drea de Matteo: That was my great grandmother.
Marc Beckman: Your great grandmother. Wow, that's an incredible story. You, you had, you personally had two abortions when you were growing up in, in, as a kid in the city.
Drea de Matteo: Yep, 17 and 21. I wish I had all those babies.
Marc Beckman: yeah.
Drea de Matteo: look, my daughter always says to me, because my kids are, it's just crazy, because my kids come from me and you know, in a whole liberal world, um, they're both pro life, [00:32:00] but they, but they have no problem with people being pro choice. So they're pro choice for the
Marc Beckman: So they could respect an
Drea de Matteo: but for them, They, they would never, they would keep their baby no matter how ridiculous it might have been.
I was like, Blackjack, if you're 15, like say you're 15, you get some girl pregnant, what are you gonna do? And he's like, it's my responsibility. I'm gonna keep that baby and I'm gonna figure it out. And I'm like, you know, mommy's gonna keep that baby. It's gonna be my baby.
Marc Beckman: it's kind of comforting to me though to see that the next generation, your children specifically, can, respect a, an opinion that they might, that might not be theirs. And, I wondered in, in getting ready to speak with you today, like, how has your Peer group in Hollywood, been to you as it relates to respect of your, of your opinions.
And, you know, your opinions aren't just political, they're cultural, right? These aren't just like political issues. These are also topics that are very personal, very, you know, you're being very personal with me [00:33:00] today talking about your experience having two abortions and how
Drea de Matteo: I'm an open book, man.
Marc Beckman: Keep those children.
So like, do you think anyone in Hollywood, like have any of your friends, um, I'm sure you've lost, like, have you lost friends in Hollywood, actually?
Drea de Matteo: I never had friends in Hollywood. I don't have, I don't have many friends here. I really don't. I stayed here because my, my baby daddy lives here and I wanted my kids to have a relationship. Otherwise I'd be back home. I'd be back in New York. I don't even relate to this place, but I will say that after the pandemic, I was so grateful to be here because we had a backyard and we had sunshine.
And, and I, and after that, I really grew an immense appreciation for California while the rest of the world despised it. And it is the most expensive place in the world. You are paying for that sunshine. And yeah, and I almost lost my house twice and we went into foreclosure once. And then, and then the real estate company that we got to sell the house could have put a lien on it in [00:34:00] the end.
And that's when I started the Only Fans page. Technology again.
Marc Beckman: I didn't really want to get too into the only, uh, fans
Drea de Matteo: don't need to. I'm just telling you, you know, that was, I, I almost lost everything.
Marc Beckman: I, you know, I don't really care honestly about the OnlyFans thing. What I care about though, is what you just touched on the issue of financial hardship and overcoming adversity. Like we're living in a time period right now because of inflation, um, coupled with the fact that if you're the average Joe worker, you're not getting more money to pay, you know, for more expensive eggs or more expensive milk or more expensive.
You know, gasoline for your car. So you went through this really difficult time, as it relates to financial hardship, right? It's very scary. Can you explain a little bit, like what you, what you went through, what you were thinking and then how, like other than only, maybe you could end with the only fan story, but like other than only fans, like mentally you had to be strong.
So like, how did you go [00:35:00] through that? I think people could. Be inspired by you and, and get strength from, from that experience.
Drea de Matteo: I mean, I, I grew up with money. My parents were always well off. I mean, you're in New York, or, or, our, our stores were all over Manhattan. Carlisle Convertibles, like, really high end,
Marc Beckman: I remember
Drea de Matteo: furniture company. I went to Marymount, I went to Loyola, I got driven to school in a limo. Like, I, I was not Someone who ever worried about money.
I became an actor, the money was like monopoly money to me. I never thought about money ever in my life. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but whatever. I grew up where I had, I was taken care of. When my dad passed, um, I knew I was by myself. I knew I was on my own. He would always help me if I needed help.
We weren't rich. We were middle class, but my dad was a poor kid from the Bronx. So for him, you know, he was always driven around. He was an Italian. He always had a driver, whether he had money or not. I don't drive either. So I'm driven around now. Even, [00:36:00] even now.
Marc Beckman: You drive. Do you know how to drive? Do you have a driver's license?
My boyfriend got
Drea de Matteo: me to drive the kids to the bus stop only in the morning, but I'm petrified to be out at any other time. I don't drive. I have, I have, um, I
Marc Beckman: Like a real New Yorker.
Drea de Matteo: Yeah, I'm a real New Yorker, and I never planned on staying here. I always thought I was coming back home, and then my house burned down there. My, that
Marc Beckman: I want to get to that too. So, so first, first get me through this first phase. Like, so with the foreclosure, like, what did you, like, what were you thinking? Like, were you actually in a situation where you couldn't pay your mortgage?
Drea de Matteo: I took a forbearance, and I shouldn't have done that. I didn't really need to, I was okay. When I took that forbearance and wanted to go pay it back, the price, To put to pay it back, which they told me they were going to defer it and they didn't do that. They promised me. I called the mortgage company every time I got a foreclosure letter.
I was like, why am I getting these? You guys, we had an agreement like with this forbearance and it, it, it was not real. And I kept saying, don't [00:37:00] worry, you're fine. We have you. We got you. We got you. You're good. You're good. I was not good. And now the house is almost in foreclosure. I have to hire a lawyer.
My house flooded in that same month that the house was dipping into the foreclosure. When I was in the Hamptons moving my mother out of her house because she was losing everything, and she had a caregiver because she has dementia. So I'm dealing with like a million things. I come home, this house is totally flooded.
An old 1920s home. So I have to do all this reconstruction to the house. Insurance. I've never dealt with insurance in my life. and when I'm dealing with the forbearance and hiring, it was like a storm, like so many things. It was very scary. I've lost my mother. I have two moms. My nanny raised me. She was dying in this house when I couldn't take any jobs.
So right out of the pandemic, there started to be some work brewing. The jobs that I had to turn down would have taken care of me. I only work to take care of my [00:38:00] kids. I don't work to be in Hollywood. I don't work to have a career. I don't care about my career. I never came to this planet to be famous or to be a career oriented person.
I know I came here. To be a mom. I didn't know that when I was younger, but I knew it after I had my first child. That my life would be devoted to my children and that's it and nothing can get in between that. Because I was raised by a nanny
Marc Beckman: So, Dre, though, like, when you had all of that pressure, as it relates to, your mom and your nanny mom being sick and the house being foreclosed upon, the flood, like, what did you do? Like, how did you get over that? Like, mentally, like, what was going on in your mind, emotionally? How did you find the strength and the courage to fight back?
Drea de Matteo: My boyfriend, my children, were all Unbelievable. My boyfriend was really, like, one of the most unbelievable human beings ever. He's uh, he's uh, his name's Robbie, I'll just give him a name, and he's the drummer from the band All Them Witches, and the co founder of Ultra Free with me. [00:39:00] But um, this guy
Marc Beckman: I understand he's a very talented drummer, actually.
Drea de Matteo: He's an insane drummer, but he's, he's also one of the most generous people.
And he really took care of us and just helped me navigate through stuff that not neither of us had ever experienced. So with the forbearance, nobody would help me, no family, no friends, nobody wanted to help pay, help me pay back anything, even though I've, you know. Done my fair share of using my money on everybody around me, which was not an easy pill to swallow and to have to be kind of forgiving about it to everybody, because they were really the only people left in my life at this point.
Cause like I you had a rock solid, your, your, your closest people, your boyfriend and who's also, you know, it's, it sounds
He's the only one that helps me.
Marc Beckman: and your children. And you knew if you had, if
Drea de Matteo: to help me. Uh, a friend, my daughter, not a stranger, but someone who I haven't known in a long time. One of my kids [00:40:00] moms, she's another single mom, doesn't have much in the bank, but she offered me everything she had in the bank to save the house.
Because she was in real estate, and she knows the house is worth a lot of money, but if I lost it That's my asset. That was my only asset. I drained my 401. I drained the IRA. I drained the kids 529s.
Marc Beckman: did you go to OnlyFans then as like a last resort? Like how did that idea even come in, pop into your mind? Yeah.
Drea de Matteo: mind when I went into foreclosure. At that point, I didn't even know what it was. This was the second time I was about to lose the house from the realest. They couldn't sell my house. We tried to sell the house for almost two years. Nobody would buy it. The house is not meant to be sold.
I get it. Like it has a, it has a hold on me. And I know that house has its own fucking energy. it was Mary Astor's house, like this. Very troubled actress, and she built this house as a safe haven, so I think she might have been in this house keeping me [00:41:00] together. Um, but anyhow, the only thing,
Marc Beckman: Astor.
Drea de Matteo: I think the ghost of Mary Astor saved my soul, I swear to God.
Marc Beckman: I love it.
Drea de Matteo: But I don't know that much about her, but I didn't want to know because I've been here, been in this house for a long time. But, uh, the OnlyFans thing was a suggestion by my kids friends as a joke. And then Robbie and I, my boyfriend, we were gonna do a podcast. We said, let's do it on OnlyFans. And we won't get censored and no one will hear all the controversial shit we're talking about.
So I went through the motions and I set up the OnlyFans page. The kids hit me to it about, you know, put your feet on OnlyFans and we'll be fine. Because I take all the kids on all these vacations, even my daughter's friends, and like, they don't want to see me, like, lose my home and have to leave California and take the kids with me and All that sort of stuff.
I just did it as a fucking fluke, kind of, and we were going to do this podcast up there. I put one picture of myself up on Instagram, and it went [00:42:00] viral. For, viral for, you know, a 50 year old person, as viral as things can go. It, it became such a, like a hit thing. Um, I gave one interview just to mitigate what was going on, and that was it.
After that interview, it just took on its own. It took on a whole,
Marc Beckman: how much money you made?
Drea de Matteo: mean,
Marc Beckman: Is it okay to ask you how much money you made on OnlyFans?
Drea de Matteo: it's not a lot. It's, that's the thing, like, it's temporary. It was a temporary fix.
Marc Beckman: The reason I'm asking is
Drea de Matteo: I think so.
Marc Beckman: there's like, you see these young women on OnlyFans driving around, you know, in Ferraris. It seems like everybody's making so much money. Like, is that real? Is that reality? Like, are people generating millions of dollars so quickly because of OnlyFans?
Drea de Matteo: it depends on what your platform is like and what you're doing. You know, for me, a lot of people just come because they want to see Adriana in underwear. I've never been in underwear on Instagram. I've never taken selfies before in my life. [00:43:00] So now you can go to Instagram and I'm fucking selfies galore, man.
Marc Beckman: Do you think that's a bad thing for like, um, you know, like going back to like, the southern border and, and, you know, all the, you hear all about the sex trafficking and all. Do you think like OnlyFans is exploitive? Like, do you think it's a bad thing for, you know, the next generation? It's not the only platform.
And I'm not suggesting that you're, uh, You know, you're doing anything, um, you know, along that line, obviously, but do you think, like, what kind of a negative impact do you think that has on, on culture and society? If at all, maybe not at all.
Drea de Matteo: I mean, I have a 16 year old, you know, so as far as, uh, how And listen, I've become the elder spokesperson of OnlyFans. I mean, there's documentaries coming out. It's all I've been talking about lately. And I'll take it, because this is what I have to do right now. To do what I have to do.
And OnlyFans funded UltraFree. So, for example, I just did a photoshoot with [00:44:00] um, with this girl, Abella Danger, who I think has done She I think I don't I don't know much about porn world at all I really don't but I think she's what she's like a like a really like followed Check, you know, but she's putting herself through law school So I feel like when you're doing something of that nature and you have no other recourse and this is where you're at But what I don't love about it, I mean Adam Carolla asked me the same question and I was like, I'm old Who gives a fuck what I do at this point?
It's not like I'm not trying to exercise my The muscles that I still have, because I'm doing everything in my power with that money to take care of everyone around me, build a company, and you know, probably gonna end up having my own show again at some point, another podcast, because all I do is talk about trying to find your freedom in any corner you could possibly find it in, and if it was OnlyFans [00:45:00] for now, then so be it.
I'd rather, and all the hate and the desperate people calling me desperate, I'm like, you're right! Hate on me all you want. I was desperate. And I'm not afraid to say it, and I would do it again. And I would tell you to do it, if you had the opportunity. And I'm sorry for all the frontline workers that didn't have the fucking opportunity to go and have a splash with an OnlyFans page after they were fired for being fucking heroes for a while.
Like, you go from being Some great, you know, person in society to being this piece of shit because, because you joined a fucking OnlyFans or because you didn't get a vaccine that you were supposed to get. Like, no.
Marc Beckman: So, so, Dre, it seems like, um, again, like, I don't know you, it's the first time we're speaking, but it seems like you have, you live your life with this code of virtues and then if you're willing to do something that perhaps the masses might frown upon, you know, Trade the Mateo on OnlyFans or perhaps not taking the [00:46:00] vaccination.
you actually have like a code. Like you, you have a certain level of integrity that you live by and all of these elements and policies that you believe in today fall into that code. Am I right?
Drea de Matteo: I mean, listen, we all have to pivot to what's happening around us, within us, everything. My code would have never taken me to a place like OnlyFans, but my financial situation was also stable.
Marc Beckman: that's what I'm talking about. Here's what I'm talking about. So, so you're in a situation where, because you're prioritizing the fact that you take care of your children, financially, economically, and you want to make sure that you can keep the roof over their house, you're willing to do something that you might not subscribe to, but you're prioritizing taking care of your children, and therefore you're not being hypocritical as it relates to telling your daughter she should never do it. That's what I'm talking about. You have these system of
Drea de Matteo: Yeah, no, I mean, I do. I don't think about that. I [00:47:00] don't, I don't really think about myself in any of this. There was a moment in the very, listen, I sit these kids down, I show them every picture that goes up. My daughter even edits some of them. Um, they know that, you know, There's a lot of nudity and they, they know what's going on.
They see it all. My daughter was my assistant on my last photo shoot two days ago in Joshua Tree. We were like, look, you might see buttholes. It's a possibility. Um, but it's so ridiculous. But she was, you know, we had a blast. It is what it is. You can't take life so fucking seriously, number one. And I'm not like, I'm not an anti porn person, but I'm also not someone who frowns.
I just, I don't, I don't judge people, like, if you're someone who sits at home and jerks off all day to porn, like, you're probably not doing the right thing, buddy, you know what I mean, like, I think it's time for you to, like, try and figure something else out, but who am I to tell people how to live their fucking lives, you know what I mean, like, I, it's not, [00:48:00] it's not my MO, and with my kids, all I have to worry about is is Will My Kids Be Embarrassed and Will My Kids Be Proud of Me?
They have been with me every step of the way. I mean, they think mommy's a warrior. They don't think that I'm a
Marc Beckman: I do too. I actually think you are too. Like again, in researching this, I actually think that you are, you've gone through a tremendous amount of adversity and, and have overcome adversity in several ways. I actually see that. I agree with your children.
Drea de Matteo: Okay, good. still hard to read stuff like that when you see it every now and then. I don't read it, but sometimes if it catches my, and I'm sure my kids look at some of it, but it's not an easy, it's not easy to hear people just, Fucking destroying each other and I think that's another issue with technology in the world right now and these kids are really susceptible to it and so are the adults.
I've had breakups over people reading comments. And it's like, I tell every guy I'm with, I'm like, you've got to stop reading this shit. This is not real, like, reality. These are fucking [00:49:00] keyboard warriors, like, this is bullshit. And people just hate each other, and that's sort of, you know, that's our whole branding mission too.
It's like, everybody get out from behind your computer, face each other, and let's try to find what we have in common, not what we disagree on.
Marc Beckman: I love that. I love that. I think that people are, like, we've, um, defaulted into this world of, like, sensationalism and shocking so that people could click more, and it's become a corrosion on culture and society and relationships, and we're devoid of respect, and, you know, something that caught my attention along this line is, you know, obviously you're an Emmy award winning.
Actress with, uh, regards to your role on The Sopranos, which is incredible. But something that I thought was really lousy was this guy recently, Mark Carmine came out with this On Locations book. And I, I didn't even know the book existed, but I heard you, this is where I'm saying, like you have integrity. I heard you, um, kind of, kind of [00:50:00] like rage against him in defense of James Gandolfini, the late James Gandolfini.
and I, I was like, wow, you know, Jay, I didn't have to do that. I didn't even know the book existed, but you, during that, um, comment that I saw, you referred to, uh, James Gandolfini as an angel, and you didn't really, like, open up about why you thought he was an angel. And I'm curious, like, what was, what, what did the public not know about him that made him so special to you?
Drea de Matteo: Well, first of all, I probably said James was an angel because he's fucking dead and in heaven, you know what I mean? But, um, when that,
Marc Beckman: Oh, boy.
Drea de Matteo: ran thing, the post ran, uh, I don't know Mark Carm Carmine, Carmen, I don't know him. Um, I don't think I was on the show anymore when he came around. but we are still close to a lot of different, um, crew members.
I am. And I'm also the person I'm closest to. I was never close to Jim. I don't know Jim that well. I worked with him, but that was a hundred [00:51:00] years ago. I'm not one of the actors that likes to pretend I was tight with Jim because everybody, you know, when someone passes, everyone's got their fucking, you know, I was close to him.
I was with him when that happened. It's just like, shut the fuck up. But, um, I am tight with his wife. His, his widow. And I became tight with her after his death because she lives in my, in my neighborhood. So I'm close to his daughter as well. And so, so she sent me the article. production coordinator from Sopranos, my friend Chris, sent it to me.
And it was the post, and I said, oh, perfect, guys, I'm actually going to New York next week, and I'm doing an in house post piece on this whole mob wife bullshit and promoting UltraFree. So, I'll make sure to get that in there. I'll dispute it. I'll be an asshole for all of us. And that was it. And I did it.
They said, is there anything you want to promote? When I was done with my interview, I posed in their office. And I said, oh yeah, there's one more thing. [00:52:00] And I fucking gave them that little piece. And apparently it's all over the place. And now I'm supposed to talk to some other guy from Vanity Fair about Jim as well.
But I won't do it until I speak to Debra, who's his wife.
Marc Beckman: Yeah, that's nice. And
Drea de Matteo: friend Chris said to me, look Dre, I said, who is the guy? Cause I don't even know who I'm talking about. And he said, it doesn't matter, it's not his story to tell. And that's the truth. It was never his fucking story to tell. So, if there's anything that people didn't know about Jim, What do we all need to know?
We were all fucking wild. We were on the biggest fucking show in the world. No one fucking knew what was happening. We were like, what is happening to all of us? It wasn't just Jim. It was everybody. But Jim's not here to defend himself. And he was never big in the press. And he was always very sort of in the background of everything.
So people made assumptions about who he was. And this guy Picked at the 25th [00:53:00] anniversary to write his book, to publish it, which we all knew was going
Marc Beckman: it was like perfect timing, right? He like timed it specifically.
Drea de Matteo: just a fucking opportunist and again, not his story to tell, not someone in the inner circle, not someone who should be given the graces of telling this man's story.
So that's just sort of my, that's
Marc Beckman: again, like, I felt like that was like another example of, of you stepping up with like this, this code, the system of integrity. I'm curious, like on the show, obviously I was a fan, everybody was a big fan, like, congratulations. I like all of your work, honestly, like you've been great. And I'm not just saying it because we're speaking.
I know, I know you believe it. who would you say is the most underrated on The Sopranos?
Drea de Matteo: Well, that's a good question. Oh my god. I mean, look, for me, no one's underrated because they were all, every ingredient that went into that show was just a little bit of magic to make the whole. Um, [00:54:00] but one of my favorite actors when I was doing my podcast a while ago and watching her work was Aida Turturro.
Holy fuck is she one of the greatest actresses that have ever lived. She really is, I mean, she's a Turturro man. Those Turturros, they got it going on and she is, she's a shining star, so for me, she was definitely, people hated her character, but you can't deny that that's not some of the best acting, playing Livia's daughter, I mean, and playing Jim's sister, uh, 40's sister,
Marc Beckman: It underscores your point. The fact that people hated that character shows that she was an incredible actor.
Drea de Matteo: she's so good.
Marc Beckman: I would see her. I would see her, my
Drea de Matteo: the show yet? You know that I told you about my great grandmother who was an abortionist?
Marc Beckman: Yes.
Drea de Matteo: HBO bought a show from me when Sopranos ended, and they held on to it for a while, and it's about my great [00:55:00] grandmother, and it's amazing, and the story is fucking wild.
It's about my whole family. They made Boardwalk Empire instead, and they gave me back the show, which was nice of them. but Aida, I should be playing my great grandmother who was an abortionist in 1950s Harlem.
Marc Beckman: Ayuda, Ayuda used to live.
Drea de Matteo: role,
Marc Beckman: Aida lived in Gramercy Park for a while. She lived right near us and I would see her regularly. She was always, I don't know like how we became like, you know, like the people in the neighborhood that you become friendly with. You see them
Drea de Matteo: you know her.
Marc Beckman: She was the one, she, I, she was such a wonderful, kind person, like always stopping to say hello, like super cool. Like just a wonderful, warm individual. It didn't matter that she was, she was living there during the Sopranos. It didn't matter. Like she was just always saying hello, stopping around like
Drea de Matteo: the greatest. The friendliest, the greatest. She's a pain in the ass. I'm not gonna say she's not a pain in the ass too, but she's the greatest pain in the ass. You know, she's the most fun,
Marc Beckman: so you [00:56:00] think she's the single most underrated actor on the show?
Drea de Matteo: I think so. I don't know what she underrated. She should have been nominated.
Marc Beckman: do you think, do you think,
Drea de Matteo: I don't know.
Marc Beckman: Like, I heard you once say that David Chase would, um, be the only one to bring, quote unquote, bring you out of retirement. Those are the words you used. And I'm curious, like,
Drea de Matteo: was recent.
Marc Beckman: it was recent?
Drea de Matteo: Yeah, because I was just with him at the 25th. He was doing a panel and he was asking me questions. What are you working on? I was like nothing. First of all, he doesn't know what my life has been. He has no idea what's been going on. But I was like, yeah, I don't really act anymore.
Marc Beckman: Chase? Like, really pro would you categorize him as prolific? I mean, I understand that he was so detail oriented with that show and everything. Is he, like, when you say he would bring you out of retirement, I know maybe you were being a little cheeky, but how prolific is
Drea de Matteo: I pee in it.
Marc Beckman: It's
Drea de Matteo: Um, well he said to me, he goes, He goes so you're [00:57:00] not working on anything, I said no, I don't want to ever do anything ever again, actually, in Hollywood. he goes, I bet I could bring you out of retirement. And he's right. I would rather play an Adriana like role, I said only if it's like Adriana.
I prefer playing a victim, um, I don't need to be some strong beast of a human being, that's why I never had interest in that role of my great grandmother, I have interest in playing her daughter's role, the daughter role, So, yes, I, I, I don't really care about acting as much. Look, I don't have representation anymore.
Everybody just fucking left, you know, dropped me and shit, which is, I don't really, it's not where I need to be right now. I don't think it's meant for me at the moment. You know, I think TV's very saturated anyhow. There's not anything that really interests me. I don't want to audition and jump through hoops for shows that I don't care about.
After doing
Marc Beckman: you have a favorite,
Drea de Matteo: I I achieved what I needed to in that area of my life, and I was okay
Marc Beckman: do you have a favorite [00:58:00] show right now? Are you watching anything interesting?
Drea de Matteo: My son likes to watch Grown ish, so we watch Grown ish together at night. It's like our guilty pleasure show.
Marc Beckman: Are you,
Drea de Matteo: Mixed ish and Black ish, now we're on Grown ish.
Marc Beckman: are you
Drea de Matteo: think he has a crush on Anna.
Marc Beckman: Are you Adriana for the rest of your life?
Drea de Matteo: haven't been, but I prefer to play that role. You know, when I was young, I didn't want to talk with that accent anymore. And now, I would really prefer only to play Cat McReel. Like, I just did a movie called Nonas that's going to come out soon with Vince Vaughn and, um, and Lorraine Bracco, Talia Shire, Susan Sarandon.
Like, it was all Italian. I was so happy acting again, I can't tell you, because I love playing a New Yorker like that.
Marc Beckman: Did you, were you on the set, on set with Susan Sarandon?
Drea de Matteo: Yes.
Marc Beckman: Did you have any choice words for her?
Drea de Matteo: Um, no, no, I don't, I don't, you mean because of her [00:59:00] politics and stuff? Um, you know, I used to always laugh at, at, at her and Tim Robbins and always think to myself, Why are they always talking about politics? And then I love when Team America did a whole spoof on them, but no, like, Everybody's entitled to their shit.
Like I never liked when celebrities were outspoken about stuff. I don't feel like I'm an actor who's outspoken about stuff. I don't feel like I'm an actor anymore. Now I'm just a fucking human being and this isn't about politics anymore. This is about humanity. And I created a clothing brand that caught people's attention and they wanted to talk to me.
So I'm, I'm, I'm taking the opportunity. I never thought I'd be outspoken. I'm too shy. And I also don't think I'm smart enough to carry the weight of any of these. Sort of deep conversations, but here I am fucking doing it and you know, I don't know I don't feel like it's me. Honestly, I feel like I have some sort of weird fucking maybe I don't know Just I'm being pushed into something that I'm sort [01:00:00] of like me and my boyfriend look at each other and we're like What the fuck are we doing?
Marc Beckman: It's
Drea de Matteo: did we end up here?
Marc Beckman: It's Mary.
Drea de Matteo: Mary Astor. It's fucking Mary Astor
Marc Beckman: Treya, I gotta ask you another question about The Sopranos. It's so, I'm so curious, did you and Michael actually smoke weed in that scene? I heard you talking about it, but did you guys actually say, let's just smoke weed, and then you, and and then you acted afterwards?
Drea de Matteo: It's a scene with um, it's just the whole cast is there, and Michael and I are sitting on a couch, I think it was when Livia died, and everyone's talking about having a little brief moment doing a speech on Livia, and then Michael gives the speech, Christopher gives a speech, and we were so stoned.
I remember when the makeup artist put the red in our eyes to make us look stoned, and Michael and I were like, We're so stoned. It did not work. We were too paranoid. And like losing our shit. I barely remember that story. I know it's true. I don't even know if Michael would remember at this point. It's so many fucking years ago.
But I do [01:01:00] remember that we smoked weed for that scene. I mean, we did a lot of shit. I'm not gonna lie. Like if we were drinking on set, like in a scene with dinner, we were eating the food, we were drinking the wine. Um, you know, we fucking partied, man. We had a, it was, it was all lit up.
Marc Beckman: when I look at your life, like you've had these tremendous victories, but when, before we got on air, I was talking to you about like overcoming adversity and I like charted out some things in your life where you, you mentioned the financial hardship with foreclosure and you mentioned divorce and.
Um, you've had, you know, obviously like all of us at this age, death in your life with, you know, various people, your fire on second Avenue. I think that was not too far from, you know, where my wife and I were living on in Gramercy Park. And, you know, you've gone through a lot to overcome adversity. And I'm wondering like what, just generally speaking, like what techniques do you, do you use to like overcome adversity?
Um, one thing that I was thinking about as I get older, I kind of go back to [01:02:00] my roots and something that you and I have in common is like, I, I hear you talking about it. I'm curious, like a love for music. I've heard you say that you're a music freak. So do you ever just like hide from the world by going back and listening to like great music and like, does it give you some sense of, you know, does it recenter you and bring you back to, you know, a little bit of nostalgia, bring you back to like a safe place in your mind?
Drea de Matteo: I think, yeah, yes, I do, I do. I still love music. We've been definitely schooling Alabama, my daughter, on like heavy, deep Sabbath cuts right now. Black Sabbath is probably my favorite band.
Marc Beckman: Black Sabbath is your favorite band. I love that.
Drea de Matteo: yeah, Black Sabbath was always my favorite. I just always felt like, and I love the Stones, and you know, that's just a different vibe, but as far as like real, anyhow, I mean, I think the way that I overcome, though, all of that stuff is, Even when you're, when you're in it, it's so serious and so heavy and I swear losing my house.
To me, it was worse than losing a family [01:03:00] member, because my family members were meant to go, but my safety net, my, the walls that hold me, were never meant to go. Like, my parents who would hold me and be my fucking number ones, yeah, but I also had to, knew that I had to let them go. To think about letting go of your home, like, what is the, what does that mean?
To let go of your home, or where do you go? What do you do? All that sort of stuff. So it definitely, um, I'm feeling like you have no, no where to turn. And there's nothing to do, I couldn't even go work in a bookstore if I wanted to. It wouldn't have helped me in my home, I would have lost this anyway. Um, and I also, you know, had to have a vaccine card to do a lot of things that I needed to do during, during that time.
I think my kids are my number one healing component, and I think my gratitude, no matter how fucking dark it gets. The gratitude that I feel that it's not worse, that it's, that it could be so [01:04:00] much worse than what it is. and to always remember that there are no problems, there's only solutions and And then there's that stupid fucking thing that's all over Instagram where it's like this, I don't even know what it is, but it's some guy saying, I asked God to make me stronger and he gave me this.
Like, you know, and I lost my hope. I asked God to make me do this, have me do this. I just, I have to say, I guess my relationship also to God, but it's a hard thing for me to really talk about because it's not a, um,
Marc Beckman: Are you, are you
Drea de Matteo: not, it's not textbook. I'm not religious. I'm not religious at all, and I just,
Marc Beckman: believe in God
Drea de Matteo: I question everything, I still question everything, but I always end up, and I look around my house, and my house is covered in crosses. And I never, when I was going to sell the [01:05:00] house, I'm looking around and the realtor's like, maybe you want to get rid of some of the religious stuff. And I'm like, so weird, I'm not even religious.
Like, why do I collect crosses? I have them everywhere. And saints. And I was raised Catholic, you know, like a New York, Italian American Catholic girl, school girl. But when it got really dark inside my head, and like I couldn't stop the fucking movie of negativity going. Really, the only thing was to just talk to God.
Not all of the things that come with God, the Bible, Jesus, you know, all of these things because my kids are always trying to school me and tell me I'm wrong about everything. My son, not my daughter, my daughter's really open and accepting and is open to learning new things. But my son is like, he was born.
into God's world and he will talk about the Bible and like he is really into [01:06:00] it, you know? So he's always like, well, Mama, you don't understand. I think we should read the Bible together because you don't understand what's going on. I'm like, look, I question everything. And I still think that you at 12 need to question everything.
Otherwise you're going to be another radical just on that side. I was like, we can't have any radicals in this fucking house, period. Everybody needs that balance. Ride down the middle. Accept everybody's beliefs. That's just. But for me to overcome things, my relationship to God has definitely helped me quiet the negativity.
I know it's crazy, but, and I know, and I, and again, I'm a cynic, but every time I go into that space, things get better.
Marc Beckman: Trey, do you think, um, you always come back, so it's interesting, you're like, leveraging religion, you're leveraging your family, safety of religion, safety with your family. Is motherhood the big, like, you've accomplished so much in your life from, you know, Phil Marr to now Ultra Free, [01:07:00] to your acting career, Emmy Award winning, but is your biggest, victory, like, is, is, is motherhood?
Like your biggest accomplishment in your opinion?
Drea de Matteo: That is my number one. I'm a really good mom. I'm not perfect, but I love being a mom.
Marc Beckman: Which part, which part of, um, I think it's funny like realistic parents look at, if you look at a line, like nobody's really perfect. Like there are some things I'm sure you're very good at and some things you really stink at. So if you're going to name one part of motherhood that you're just exceptional at, what would it be?
Drea de Matteo: Love. I mean, loving them and I, and understanding them, but I'm really fucking strict, really strict. And people don't expect that from me. Um, there's a lot of this new age parenting, huh?
Marc Beckman: The Italian in you.
Drea de Matteo: It's not the, it's, it's the way we're being, it's the way kids are being raised today [01:08:00] that I was seeing too much weakness in a lot of these young kids, too much complaining, My son can be one of those guys, you know, he's also used to that immediate gratification.
My daughter fights against the machine all day, so she, I don't worry about her as much. But, she also judges herself too much, because I think that society's been teaching kids to dislike themselves. That they're responsible for the plight of mankind at this point. Whether it's, you know, sociological issues, or environmental issues.
These kids are being taught it's their fault, so they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And a lot of them are very weak in spirit. And, but a lot of these parents, like I remember with my daughter's young friends, We don't use the word no and we don't say can't and we don't say don't.
Fuck that. Fucking no, you can't do that and don't fucking talk to me like that. We're going to use all that shit. Your kid comes into this house, you better fucking watch out because no one's going to be [01:09:00] a disrespectful asshole in this house. So, my kids are really good kids, and all my friends are obsessed with my kids, and strangers who meet my kids are like, you know, what the fuck?
Are your kids drinking? Why aren't my kids like this? I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. You probably don't say no, can't, or don't.
Marc Beckman: So, so would you say then love and being strict are where you're like exceptional as a parent?
Drea de Matteo: I'm not gonna say I'm an exceptional parent. At all. What I am gonna say is that my kids are pretty fucking exceptional, and they have taught me More about being in this world than anything else. Um, I feel like I'm just here to guide them really. I feel like, and I do feel like I was chosen by them. You know, like when me and my ex broke up, it was such a hard time for them.
It was really hard and we overcame so much in that experience alone and [01:10:00] I could have been a lot more like other women that I know that have to talk to their husbands through like Ex husbands through court appointed acts and all that stuff. And as hurt as we both were, like, we still found ways to stick together.
And I think a lot of people don't do that today. Like, and I can be, I can get pissed off and be like, no, fuck you. I'm putting my foot down. I'm angry. You did me wrong. But I think trying to, not necessarily have to forgive people, but just to sort of accept. Accept why we all arrived at this place making all these fucking mistakes.
Because we all do it. And I think understanding each other is kind of the key more than just a straight off judgment and I don't know I guess that's where I'm good at being a parent and my daughter says this to me too because she's like she's like super goth right now but she goes [01:11:00] to this crazy Christian school and she reads the bible every night before she goes to bed but she listens to like death metal and she paints her face like a vampire like she's got all these things happening you know and She's like, you don't think that I'm demonic, do you?
And I'm like, no, I think you look like a demon right now. But I don't Demonic. Love you, and I really love, she never really, she's very kind of closed off, she's cool, you know? But she's like, I love that my parents are so, like, you have a little bit of everything. Like, everything is, like, all of your cylinders are sort of firing.
Like, you accept everything. There's no one thing that's not okay, unless I'm hurting myself, or hurting other people. Like, that's really it. And,
Marc Beckman: honestly, that's so fantastic.
Drea de Matteo: we talk too much. As you can see, I talk too much. I talk too much.
Marc Beckman: So let's wrap, so let's, so actually, since you mentioned Demonic, I got, can I ask you two more questions and then I'll let you go?[01:12:00]
Drea de Matteo: You can ask me whatever you want. I'm here. I mean, I have another meeting in a little bit. I'm for ultra free. We're good.
Marc Beckman: I was gonna ask you, like, in, in, um, do you think Hollywood is like, for most people, a deal, like, literally a deal with the devil?
Drea de Matteo: I
Marc Beckman: saying you personally, just generally speaking, like,
Drea de Matteo: Listen, if I made a deal with the devil, you think I would have lost my fucking house? Nope.
Marc Beckman: but do you think it is? I mean, would you say that Hollywood culture is like, when, when people sign up and they get into Hollywood, they're signing a deal with the devil?
Drea de Matteo: I think that anybody who focuses on power and money, To any degree, whether it's in Hollywood, politics, banking, anything, I think that that's where you make a deal with the devil. If you're not willing to, to honor the person standing next to you and you think that by fucking stepping on them you're going to get to where you need to go, [01:13:00] that to me is, that's Satan.
Like that's, that's the evil in the world. To be ambitious is not evil, I don't think, but it's at what cost, I guess, really, at what cost.
Marc Beckman: Are you still into Ram Dass?
Drea de Matteo: Um, yeah, I, I, uh, where is that book? Blackjack used to read that book in the pandemic. That was, um, that was cute. I love, I love a lot of his book, the pages and that. I do. I like Ram Dass. Yeah.
Marc Beckman: So, so we, um, when, when a guest comes on my show, the show is called Some Future Day and it's inspired by James Joyce. And, um, we have this kind of, um, every guest does it. I hope you're willing to do it too. Basically, like I start the beginning of a sentence and incorporate the word some future day. And then I asked my guest to finish them.
And I wanted to reference something Uh, surrounding Ram Dass that if that would be okay with you,
Drea de Matteo: I don't know if I'll remember. I've been on some other shit lately. I've been in survival mode. I'm like not about [01:14:00] meditating right now. I am fucking in massive survival mode.
Marc Beckman: well, you're doing great. And here's what he said. He said, we are all just walking each other home. We are all just walking each other home. So what I thought I would present to you is in some future day, our walk together will get us to a place which in some future day, our walk together will get us to a place which
Drea de Matteo: Where we can sit around the dinner table and not argue with each other. And share food. Life. I mean, that's not really, I'm not good with on the spot stuff, but that, um, that quote is my quote to everybody who loses somebody. Every time. I always say to them, as Ram Dass says, we're all just here walking each other home.
Because when my friends lose their loved ones, and it's new for a lot of them to start losing people, I've lost so many people. That is it. And I am, they call me the Grim Reaper. I like to sit with people as they're leaving the [01:15:00] planet. I'm good at it.
Marc Beckman: Who have you done that with?
Drea de Matteo: My dad, my grandmother, my nanny, um, all my animals.
Marc Beckman: Wow.
Drea de Matteo: I'm not, I'm always, the strange thing is I'm afraid of loss more than anybody and people would always try to keep me not knowing that my parents were sick. Don't tell Dre she's too sensitive. Don't tell Dre she'll freak out. And then I always end up being the last one awake with everybody taking their last breath.
Marc Beckman: What's that like? What, like, what do you, um, like, do you grow from that experience or what's that like?
Drea de Matteo: I was accused of not having any feelings when my dad died by, uh, by my housekeeper. You don't know what it's like to lose a parent. You didn't care when your father died. I was like, no, I was with him through his entire life and I watched him fucking suffer. And I was with him in that moment. That he took his last breath, and I told him he needed to let [01:16:00] go.
And that moment, I made my peace with him because of that. This was coming from somebody who I couldn't judge because she wasn't able to be with her dad when he passed, and she hadn't seen him in 20 years. So, it's different when you get to have that closure with somebody. So I felt everything, but I felt so strange that I put it away after he left.
That I was able to put it in the drawer that it was meant to go into and move forward. Same with my nanny. Well, I lived with my nanny for my entire life. We lived with each other my whole life. So that's, you know, that's a, I didn't live with my dad my whole life. You know, we separated, but my, but my nanny was my number one.
Marc Beckman: Is Trez, is your, um, biological mother still alive?
Drea de Matteo: Yes, and she has dementia, and she's in New York, and it's been a [01:17:00] fucking nightmare, and I need to get back home, but I can't afford to
Marc Beckman: um, a lot of friends too, but you know, I'm here in New York City and I, as a new friend, As a new friend, you're, listen, offline we could talk about it, but you're more than welcome um, to always let, if you need anything, we're here. So
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