Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Come hang and enjoy a drink of your favorite liquid with (non-famous) musician and filmmaker Ricky Mendoza as he meanders about storytelling, persuasion and life in general.
—
Ricky Mendoza is the owner of StoryMakers (www.storymakers.co), a video production company and is a working musician.
Ricky Mendoza & The Screaming Heart Guitar can be heard at www.rickymendoza.org
Drinks! Podcast with D'ann Connelly and Eva DeGuelle - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfpPNjeosoo
Transcript:
(00:00) if you're going to already spend time here on Earth you might as well spend that time doing something that you love right so what is so cool about this episode is that we will be talking with two actresses that participated in the music video in the last music video we made called I just died all right if you haven't seen it go to YouTube uh type in I just died Ricky Mendoza and watch it watch the performances that are portrayed which I just think they are magnificent and of course it was just so much fun to
(00:38) watch them perform and and do their craft and of course just watching it all come come together in the final piece of the music video is just so so cool this music video was shot in two days it was directed by Matt McCloskey who we had a conversation earlier and another drinks episode if you haven't seen that or heard it go go to it and go listen to it it's a really special episode but in this episode we have a really cool and interesting conversation about working as an actor here in Texas specifically in Austin and we talk about
(01:15) their just career in general because it's just so fascinating so damn fascinating I I don't know is it just I'm just curious I had burning questions to ask them because how do you do that how are you a working actor here in Texas and it's really interesting because there are actually a lot of productions here a lot of stuff that is happening left and right and all you have to do is just be there go day after day go to the audition and do it again and do it again and once you get the job you perform and do the craft that you've
(01:54) always wanted to do so here is our conversation with Deanna and Eva welcome to the podcast this is actually like the second podcast I've had with actual like guests all right well people might be wondering well who are these people and so it's Eva how do you pronounce it yeah all right awesome and Deanne Connolly all right and you guys acted in the music video for I just died [Music] [Applause] [Music] and Float around like a cat with a soul I saw my devastated family take video for it Ricky Mendoza and the
(02:51) screaming hearts and I was just like first off everything just snowballed from there um Matt thought of the of the idea they called me hey I want to do this music video and I know it who works in film and he does like big budget stuff and it was just fascinating to me it's like oh my god really a music video all right um so he's like let's get Logistics together I have this idea and do this and do that and then that's where you guys came in and we calling you all and then set setting you up but let's start
(03:26) with that so Eva tell me about your experience on on that it was two days that we filmed right so tell me about that how did you first first off how did you hear the song first or did you just say yes and then later yeah I mean like logistically I went on to Facebook and I'm going through like the little casting calls and I see you posted something about needing some characters for a music video and you listed that you needed two siblings either um female or male eventually to be played by um Manu and Joey fabulously
(04:04) yes and so I reached out I sent in my headshot and my resume um and I was just like hey like please consider me for these roles and then you responded and you were like well actually would you be comfortable being considered for the lead um the spirit that's right and I was kind of Blown Away when you like said that to me because I didn't even consider the spirit as like an option for me to apply for because it didn't have like a gender attached to it it just said like Spirit Alex I think was like a placeholder name you had for the
(04:42) spirit yes well Matt had yes yes but it was like Alex and and you told me it could be male female you know anything yeah like all right so so yeah we were considering several options and that's where you popped up yeah and so then then what happened in the process did you listen to the song or then what yeah I listened to the song got a feel for like the energy that was coming um I coordinated with you and Matt on like what to wear and everything coming to set ready but I got like a brief synopsis of everything that was gonna happen and a
(05:24) lot of times in film that's all you get and you just gotta you just gotta go in not knowing what you're gonna do and I feel like I had a little bit of context but I had no idea like what I was getting myself into um and so I came in and it just went really smoothly because of how professional you and your crew were and well yes I mean mostly most of it is is Matt's crew I I you know I I I did produce the music video me and Matt uh uh more math than me Finance the whole thing uh and and we did put it as
(06:05) a story makers video production company but this was Matt's ship this is I mean Matt hell it was Matt's projects from point A to the ending um I I was you know as an independent music as an independent music maker you know we don't make any money at all all right at all so I have to be uh the I guess the person who provides money to the artist to myself so so I have to make it possible for stuff to happen and so when Matt approaches me with this project I as an artist I and of course as a producer is like
(07:00) I I what do I do like what do I like Logistics is there anything where can I serve to make this happen you know this can't be I don't like you know projects you know sometimes fall off the cliff and fall off the radar because people don't follow up or they're like no no how do I make this happen and and so me and Matt in again more Matt but I just want to facilitate every single step of the process so there is no hiccups and there's no like ah I didn't have enough help or or anything like that you know like does
(07:37) that make sense and uh and so so it was just ah this is fascinating so how just Matt took this from from script and I can only imagine that like also the confusion that y'all might have felt you know with that was like like you're handed a brief synopsis or yeah he texted me a brief synopsis of it and then um before each shot we'd kind of review um the direction that we needed to go in um and execute it from there yeah and what about your experience Deanne with everything very much like Eva's um found it the the casting
(08:22) casting submitted my work and got an email saying I was cast and um yeah you sent the synopsis and the uh song Yes to listen to and I was very excited so and then so well I I guess we can touch back on on the music video itself and the process but I am just fascinated by what you all do as actors right and one because there's like this balance where you're thrown in kind of like the music video where like oh yeah you you know you got the job and you're thrown in but a lot of the times it's just a lot of waiting
(09:09) I don't know like what is that like what is that life like like then feel free [Applause] um I think that's pretty typical though I mean we pretty much um when it's so this was for us for us this was b-roll which means there was no dialogue because the song was obviously going to lead the music video right so we just kind of go in and really just do what we're told I mean we're prepared to some degree but we didn't know what the shots are in advance um we really don't know what's needed
(09:43) right and we kind of have to access it as it's being set up talk the director about each shot find out what he's looking for and do it hmm so is that what happens in the process you know you go up to the director what are you looking for and then you just like like just do it yeah like it and what's fascinating to me is how as an actor you access your emotions like like I don't even know how that that's that's even possible like what like so what happens in that plus like okay you're gonna be very sad or what I
(10:23) don't know like I though the funny thing about this shoot was the first half of the day while we were shooting at your house right in the bedroom yes I that took the whole bedroom living room scene took a half a day so I cried for half a day and then we went on to the church and we did some of the church stuff okay I only worked one day Eva worked both days but I went home emotionally exhausted really yeah I called a friend I'm like yeah I cried all day so my daughter died and I cried all day oh so I mean how does that work like are
(11:01) you like that's gotta be insane that's true I never even thought of that like like it's a matter of like all right let's do it again and then you wipe tears off and then let's do it again and do it again like let's next let's get a close-up or whatnot like then what you just do it on command or well you pull from emotion and when that runs dry there's a thing called a tear stick and what is that or what it's just like a Vapor Rub kind of a stick that you kind of put near your eye another way to
(11:36) go is just putting a little Vapor Rub underneath your eyes which makes them water a little bit and then you can kind of pull more of the emotion out yeah and what were you thinking throughout that day of shooting that my son died really I mean you have to dig deep to get this you can't just think you know of something that happened that wasn't fun I mean it has to be something that ashay produced tears and I'm not a huge crier I don't cry very often so it had to be something you know what was your process like
(12:11) throughout the like throughout the shoot like what were you thinking what was your headspace like yeah it was really exciting for me because I had been learning like a lot of new techniques in college for like acting and really that was my first time like experimenting trying them out and like seeing them successfully work for me like it was great to see like my progress as an actor um and so with Matt's idea and the synopsis basically we just have to accept what's given to us and take that and play the role
(12:46) um and so you know reading that synopsis going into um Shu I'm like okay my family is mourning I'm dead I don't know it yet you know these are all like circumstances that I need to accept in order to play the role and from there um uh like the scene where I'm accepting death and walking into the casket it was like the hardest day ever because leading up to it like being told okay you're gonna walk in that casket now I just felt so many emotions about it and uh having like taking in the character
(13:29) and everything getting a sense for everything um I like to personalize things to myself so you were talking about imagining like your son dying um and so I imagine like some personal things in my life too and just trying to like heighten my senses so while I was in a corner alone um like feeling my breath pick up kind of like trying to psychologically like feel my emotions um to get me into this state of being that I'm supposed to be in it's a very vulnerable and difficult thing to do but I think the key to
(14:12) getting yourself to a point in front of people whenever you're acting so emotionally exposed I think you just have to accept that you're going to be in that state and I felt very supported by you and everyone and so I was able to get into that state easily oh that's cool wow that's crazy especially you know with does a camera person and then there's a director and then there's a the focus person and then there's a a sound like it's crazy there's a lot of people there and it's it's just I don't know we block
(14:51) that out yeah really yeah yeah definitely because it just becomes more about what we're doing in our process so we're in our own heads and we're not really not paying attention I don't think to this other things that are going on we're so in tune with the characters we have to play and that we are in this world that I don't know every like you said everything around it kind of becomes muted when we have to perform our part yeah I I mean there are times when it's difficult I was doing a film in an
(15:30) elevator and I had two background people with me standing on either side of me who had never done it before Oh who were talking right well I was thinking about my lines and preparing and then the PA who's holding the elevator the door kept opening and shedding opening and shedding opening and shutting the PA started talking to the background people and I'm trying to tune it all out and stay in character and think about my lines so in those kind those are extreme situations where it's hard but right
(15:59) right but on a normal you know that the set was so mellow okay I mean working with Matt is so amazing yeah I mean nobody's I mean you just everybody's doing their thing and I loved that and I made lifelong friends out of it I know oh you've got you and and Eva is like I think everyone is my surrogate daughter and William done projects together since with Matt yes I heard yes and that's one of the things that I also like absolutely love with capital letters and emojis like absolutely love about doing
(16:40) art product music projects music video projects uh and especially getting out of your comfort zone and doing something that you wouldn't normally do and doing projects like this is really I've my metaphor is that I go to war with people and working on a project that I'm kind of pushing and we're all pushing uphill make just like do it let's do it and we went to war and we won yeah and so y'all are my War bodies because because we went through this experience all of us together and it and it happens like really
(17:24) frequently I bet it must happen with y'all and well Austin is a really small thumb community so we all kind of always stay in touch and every you can go on to any set and know at least two or three people oh that's so cool it is very cool so tell me about like oh well okay first off you Deanne uh we were talking earlier about but but tell tell us uh everybody and Eva like when was the first time you were interested in this and and not only the first time you were interested in but how did you make it
(18:01) happen like oh I need to move to a city oh I need to apply this or I need to or I'm already living in the city and I need I don't know well he wants the long or the short answer um I'm 60 years old there's a lot of lifespan in there well you look great you do not look 60 at all and and and but like okay like you were a kid and you you were or how does that yeah I was the kid on the weekends that would just sit in front of old movies for hours um and so it was I don't know I think we were talking about that earlier what age
(18:41) are you actually cognitive of of yourself and what you want to do things you want to um you know achieve and I guess for me it was like six seven eight I knew that I wanted to act dang so about 10 I started taking classes and did plays wow and um I modeled and I kind of did that until I fell into location managing and where were you at this time when all this was happening I was in LA I'm from L.
(19:14) A oh okay so from The Source yeah yeah so I was I was plugging along and plugging along and doing little gigs here little gigs there little modeling jobs ended about 24. I was bartending like we all have a set we all had a second job and uh a location manager doing pre-production on Terminator 2 walks into the bar lays his photos out and this is how old long ago it was you know this was what 1989 maybe and I said you know he said you know oh your bartender I'm the ab I you know act and model and he said how about a location manager and he hired me
(19:56) on the spot so I did pre-production on Terminator 2. wow became a Union location manager because I think my thought process was I just want to work in film this is a sure thing so I'm gonna take it for now and I did that for 20 years 25 years something like that a really long time but like acting and no I no location manage just location right oh gosh it was a seven day a week job I was doing film and television wow so I went on from Terminator 2 to Disney and then I worked at a universal for a long time and then I would do features over
(20:39) the summer and then go back and do you know one hour you know television for Universal wow and then I had my son and started doing car commercials um but it wasn't until covet hit that I was like wait I'm at the age where if I don't do it now and really start acting because it was always a regret then you know it would I would have taken it to the Grave so I moved to Austin which is the funniest place in ballet but in L.
(21:14) A you're a grain of sand yes Austin is a smaller Community there was a lot going on when I moved here film wise and I jumped in I got an acting coach how long ago was this just curious so this was two two years ago two years ago two years ago and even two years ago it was awesome yeah yeah it was yeah it was just starting but um yeah and I in two years got an agent here an agent in London a full resume that I'm having to drop things off of because I've done so much work and and it worked out exactly the way I wanted wow I couldn't
(21:51) be happier congratulations I'm so happy for you that's so cool thank you and that it's almost like an uphill battle right it was see there was a long journey to get here but I am like I said I'm at that age where it's like bucket list time oh that's so cool so and and what about you Eva like when like when did that start when did that little acting bug yes yeah um I think Middle School is when I really got into it like you similarly I loved watching like TVs and movies um but I don't know I was drawn to the
(22:30) stage I did theater in middle school all through high school and I don't know like ever since I started doing it I knew because before that I did soccer boxing Girl Scouts a bunch of like other extracurriculars but like first week of doing it I was like I know I want to do this for the rest of my life wow yeah but then what and then like how was that like oh okay I want to do this and then what you started like Googling like how do I get my first acting so I don't know I I don't even know like anything like how do you get a
(23:11) job or what yeah um or one of like gigs or I think getting into gigs was more so about establishing myself as an artist first so first you find the passion for it you have to Foster that passion and really solidify your knowledge and then I feel like after that it's done its best to start reaching out connecting with other like-minded people that share that passion and trying to get gigs from there so that's kind of how I went about it so first I got training um and then around my sophomore year of high school when I started to feel more
(23:49) comfortable that's when I started you know applying for accounts on casting agency websites and this and that um and how do you do training yeah and you're here in Texas right you're here in Austin yes all right so how do you get training in Austin yeah so I trained to Zach theater ever since like seventh grade um just doing their um acting classes and I met a bunch of amazing teachers that really helped me through my process that's so cool and yeah I had no idea that way I feel like yeah interesting yeah and is that like a like
(24:28) a course is this like or just a two-day thing is it a six-week thing years I you know I'm going it's ongoing oh really you're always learning everything and there's so many so many facets to acting um it's very like build your own path um so if you want to be more film acting you have to learn the technicalities of that whereas if you lean more towards stage then you have to learn a lot um just about like you can learn Shakespeare more contemporary stuff get trained per stage um and then like going into that like
(25:09) you have to learn about your breath work and the way um like you can articulate your words um all of that and a lot of movement to you have to learn how to use your voice and your body as an academic weapon I'll I'll use that word okay it's your artistic weapon well give me an example of that okay so if I'm working with Matt and he gives me direction to be loud then I have to know how to use my voice to be loud and tone it back when he wants me to so if he's like that's wait that's a terrible example no no I
(25:53) think that's a great example no no my next natural question would be what if you're like an introvert like yeah I assume that you have to like know yourself and if you're given this role of playing like this very extroverted person you have to play I I assume or yeah or what happens there if it's written that the character is extroverted you have to look at it and take it and say yes the character is extroverted like this is a given fact that was given to me from the director of the playwright whatever and
(26:33) you have to take that acknowledge it it is your job to take it you you can't be like oh well I'm not an extrovert so I'm not gonna do that no that's you have to do it and it's also not one tone you're just not extroverted through the whole thing there's got to be variances to keep it interesting right huh and then you have to hit marks and I mean it's it can get complicated I know I know oh like dang like that is insane like as I mean especially like you have to like I don't I don't know it's just it's just
(27:09) fascinating to me and again I don't know so please like if like explain it to me like I'm a five-year-old because I have no idea about anything about this world but that that's fascinating was it was there like a like uh a movie an actress or an actor that you saw that you went like oh wow that is calling me is there a uh like a person or a movie that would no maybe for me it was the oldies which ones um well they weren't oldies back when I was a kid because like movies that they did like I know five ten years ago or oldies now I
(27:56) was like well now people can they're almost silent movies you know before that back then they weren't but like Susan Hayward and some of the old you know actresses um Ginger Rogers um the musicals that's so cool yeah Frank Sinatra and you were seeing this as a you know as a little girl and we're like wow just wanted to do that yeah Shirley Temple oh yeah I remember talking a long time ago you know this was the 60s right you're right so I'm watching it on a black and white television I'm watching a black
(28:35) and white movie on a black and white television that wasn't really that long ago back then I know but like I said now it's practically a silent film [Music] um yeah my kid asked me about like VHS tapes and how how like did you like rent them and then put them in and it's like how do they work like I I don't know I just was like okay I turned my 24 year old onto all the oldies like Frank Sinatra is like one of his favorite artists oh that's awesome yeah yeah I made sure I love It's a Wonderful Life I don't
(29:11) know what what about that film I just love it Jimmy Stewart is amazing how about you Eva like was there like a movie or something that like caught your attention yeah um I guess just growing up like all those Disney and Nickelodeon shows I don't know growing up on the Internet like having early internet access as a kid I feel like our my generation is very different um like I feel like so many people want to be actors because of like they want to live a world that they could never live in their real life and so everyone maybe
(29:54) gets that passion from like a young age at least that's kind of how I felt like watching these these Disney Nickelodeon shows as like a fourth grader because I was like oh my gosh like they're living these big fabulous lives and that glamor is what draws so many people into acting at first is because people only want to do it for you know like money Fame glamor all of those things well ah which is not the reason which is not the reason to be an actor yes at all I mean it's not the motivation hard man like it's
(30:29) hard uh like and so what was the first time or I know probably happened a lot of times but for y'all because there's always that high um you know as a musician or a video production person of course I'm attracted to the glamor but then there's a lot of work that's like people don't realize like actually you have to do it like all day long or you know whatever you have to be sad for like all day and and it's hard and so when was that point where like oh this isn't glamorous this
(31:06) isn't like was there a point were you realized or you just just hard work or I guess I did realize that early on like even when working um like on stage in like Stage Theater um having to work with like an ensemble full of people you're gonna get like a lot of different personalities and a lot of different like people coming to contribute to the table and immediately having to work with an ensemble of people is gonna slap you back into reality and it's gonna be like oh this is a team effort this isn't about me
(31:46) um so if you haven't done Stage Theater you need to because yeah and for film I think the most humbling thing is being an extra I think if you're I think if you're new to the industry it's a great thing to do because it gives you a sense of what production is well what about you Dean like like when was that experience for you like uh like when you started doing acting especially like in in you know 2020 and all you know and all this was was you were here and you said like I'm going to be an actress and was
(32:22) there a point where like oh crap this is hard no because from early on that was never what I wanted um was that side of it I wanted to be other people [Music] and and create characters and um not be myself I guess if that makes any sense yes so I went into it and because I was a location manager I knew the business inside and out behind the scenes in front of the camera so I already knew what I was getting into and it was never ever glamorous I mean maybe the parties and the premieres and but um most of the time you don't even want
(33:08) to go to the premieres because honestly you don't want to see yourself on the big screen anyway um wow so yeah I just never decide that interested me it was always the becoming somebody else wow that's crazy well I mean and and I I mean I assume that you all y'all have done all sorts of work from being an extra to being like a character on film like what is it like to be an extra like I don't know I don't know anything it can be fun yeah it can be really fun oh really you can make really close friends
(33:42) yeah but what is that day like you go on set and then director says action or like all right everybody in the black dress is over here or what they're 12-hour days 12-hour days minimum generally wow generally it depends on what it is though okay um yeah yeah yeah I mean that's pretty much what it is you go on set you're told what to do where to stand and you do it well I heard this rumor where they're you know where people are acting and it's like a disco or a loud bar or whatever and the actors are doing their dialogue
(34:23) and the background actors which I assume are extras is that the same thing or no yes okay and they look like they're talking but they're not talking is that true they're just mouthing mouthing to just do you get trained to mouth or is this you just no or you can just say watermelon over and over that's like watermelon watermelon watermelon and you can't really tell just looks like you're talking you have to like right yeah yeah Ah that's crazy that is fascinating wow I'm sorry I'm just like wow this is this
(35:07) is all uh I don't know I and I've done some Independent films myself um and I I told Matt you know ever since I met him he was the the first drummer that the screaming Hearts ever had and uh and it's just a fascinating musician and artist uh you know just as an overall person and and he while we were talking it says hey you know I've done some Independent films and but nothing at the scale of like these are like uh like ten thousand to twenty thousand dollar Independent films you know just like all right stand there you know get
(35:47) there you know probably maybe two to three extras you know like super Independent films and um and like while he was telling me on the stuff that he worked on was like these huge you know big budget right everything and that that's what's cool about it is that and I bet this probably happens to y'all I mean working in this music video which had a budget of like very close to zero and and you know work on on you know but like on theater with Bigger Productions then of course feature films with huge
(36:23) million dollar budgets and whatnot and that's what's so cool and I guess that that keeps things versatile and at least for for me as an artist and what I impart whenever I impart advice I guess to Young Artists is is like to take anything and like to just work and just work and just keep working is that a factor like um or how do y'all like what what is the process in that like like what do you I guess what I'm trying to ask is is that would you take the zero dollar paying job or I mean uh you
(37:09) know the minimum paying job to just to keep working or what is that process like I always say that it takes at least a hundred dollars to get me out of bed right especially as a woman I mean we have to we have to put our makeup on do our hair pull our wardrobe together I mean it's a lot of work and then drive the set so it's going to at least be making a little something of course but yes definitely work is better than no work especially at the beginning you know at the beginning you do the student films
(37:51) for free you know you you do whatever you need to do to pull your wheel together and then you know you start to become a little more you know um choosy about what you take on and that's fascinating yeah that's so cool well I have an idea um we're going to see the music video and then we're just gonna chat and we can pause and we can you know do whatever we want but I want y'all to just see it and then just comment it see while the video is running I love this right sounds fun right yeah all right let me pull up YouTube
(38:36) I don't want y'all to see my YouTube algorithm yeah it was so surreal watching you get into that coffin it that was hard for me too like I was standing there and I was just kind of yeah I could feel the tears kind of start to end on my face it was just too much you know all right you guys ready yeah all right you want to scoot over sure I love your costume I never got to tell you that but the black on black just looked really good thank you so when I came out and did the scene I actually didn't realize at that moment
(39:27) that Eva was a ghost I remember being in that room and I looked at her sticking on my daughter my sons my husband and then after um I'm like was I even supposed to look at you was she not supposed to be there oh yes yeah I bet it worked out okay all right yeah yeah and I also remember when we broke your windshield yes oh my God how do we take off that rear view mirror we had to replace the whole windshield but hey it was okay it was worth it oh my gosh he felt so bad [Music] and I'm still in touch with everybody oh
(40:16) that's so cool outside my devastated Joey and like for example like over here Eva like there's like a pep in your step right there right there yeah was that on purpose yeah Matt was like [Laughter] he was like be ready to go like you're ready to walk in like a few days after right yeah I can't even feel the fear of not knowing [Music] just peace what were you thinking there I was like I love that I I was thinking like going on with my family
(41:20) [Music] and then yeah that was the big oh moment where I had to run and then you run and we just they just capture you running I had no idea yeah I had to drink a lot of water because it was a lot of running yes and this was filmed in the summer yes [Music] my friend extra shout out manga [Music] and why isn't she singing oh I love the Sahara line it's such a great space right like shooting here was so much fun yeah I was sorry Mom wasn't in this I know because I would have loved using her dance [Music]
(42:20) wow yes excellent job Eva excellent job yeah this part was surreal I love how the camera just stays there so I started to cheer up he had to put his arm around me [Laughter] wow yay oh my God we went to Warren we won that's so cool well anything else you guys like to share no no I don't think so I'm just so happy that I made friends look like you guys and and I'm just so humbled and so um appreciative deep with gratitude that that y'all are like super beautiful human beings
(43:24) that I get to call my friends and uh and trust me like anything that y'all might need um music I don't know how I could be of value yes um but you know consider me my friend consider me your friend yes yes so thank you so thank you all thank you so much for being here and uh I hope that oh uh Instagram that the like do you want people to follow y'all or you don't care or so it's Diane C Connolly okay so d-a-n-n and then Connolly C and then Connolly all right Eva my Instagram handle is Eva to go Eva
(44:11) d-e-g-u-e-l-l-e beautiful all right cheers thank you so much Eva thank you so much Deanne um I I just love the fact that I get to work with people from other fields we it's almost like I get to go to war with them it's the war it's a battle against life and we're all in this together in this project and we have to get it done and we have to get it finished and in this case it was and it was magically done masterfully done and what's cool about it what I take away the most [Music] is this beautiful friendships I get to
(45:05) be friends for life it is so damn cool it is so damn cool I don't know I I just feel it eternally grateful for everybody that came together to make this music video [Music] that I thought I did I see and Float around like a cat with a soul I saw my devastated family and unpleasant scene of despair yet I can do anything I can't touch or say I'll be okay cause I don't even know that I can't even feel the fear of not knowing no I'm gonna smell no longings just peace
(46:10) just be just be I feel the love of love from you you miss me you missed my smile like humor my death my weird everyday I buy and all of that all the money [Music] photographs and our jokes live down deeper than you deep within you [Music] then yeah I'll live with you now flowing through your blood and your heart and your feet I am everywhere because I [Applause] [Music] was I am everywhere because I was life and now I just blown
(47:20) flower [Music] [Music]