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Everyone’s triggered by something — but what happens when you stay that way?
In this crossover episode of Men of Faith and Project Sisterhood, Caleb and Chrissy Cole get real about offense: how it creeps in, how it poisons your peace, and how forgiveness is the only way to freedom.
They talk about marriage fights (yes, real ones 😅), faith, pride, and why the Bible calls overlooking offense a glory.
Whether it’s your spouse, your boss, or someone online — this conversation will help you learn to laugh again, let go, and live unoffended.
What You’ll Learn:
⚡ Why offense always starts with pride
💬 The difference between reacting and responding
🧠 How to guard your heart when you’ve been hurt
🙌 Why forgiveness is the only path to real peace
Don’t just stay triggered — try forgiveness.
— — — — — — — — — —
If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend and leave a review!
🎧 Listen to Men of Faith:
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/men-of-faith/id1749620180
📲 Follow Men of Faith on Instagram:
Instagram: @menoffaith
⛪️ Project Church:
Website: https://projectchurch.com
— — — — — — — — — —
Creators and Guests
Host
Caleb Cole
Caleb, a Sacramento native, grew up in a pastor’s home and is a third generation minister. At the age of 12, after one of his grandfather’s sermons, he felt a call from God to be a pastor. He consistently pursued that call throughout high school and college. Caleb attended Central Bible College in Springfield, MO where he earned a B.A. in Biblical Studies and went on to the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary where he earned an M.A. in Theological Studies.
What is Men of Faith?
Men of Faith is a Christian podcast dedicated to calling men up and not out.
Hosted by Caleb Cole, each episode equips men to follow Jesus with conviction, character, and consistency—at home, at work, and in every season of life. Through honest conversations and practical biblical wisdom, Men of Faith tackles real issues like leadership, fatherhood, identity, marriage, discipline, spiritual growth, and navigating culture without compromise. This is a podcast for men who want more than inspiration—they want transformation.
00;00;00;02 - 00;00;22;02
Speaker 1
And I mean, to be honest, I never thought I'd dealt with unforgiveness. I've always been very quick, like, oh yeah, I forgive people. Wrong me. I'm a leader. So it's like, whatever. But it's crazy. Like the longer you lead, the more you feel, under attack or under the microscope, because people always have their opinions. And so I'll be honest, like lately, I think I've been battling more unforgiveness.
00;00;22;04 - 00;00;25;19
Speaker 1
I'll get vulnerable. Wow. We do it on the Mount of Faith podcast soon.
00;00;25;23 - 00;00;26;07
Speaker 2
Wow.
00;00;26;08 - 00;00;52;24
Speaker 1
I think I'll be back with more forgiveness because people be pissing me off lately, you know? Like, can I say that on the matter of Faith podcast, you're listening to men of Faith, the podcast dedicated to calling men up and not out. Join me as we live a life dedicated to our God.
00;00;52;26 - 00;01;11;17
Speaker 3
This is a project sisterhood podcast for all things women. Whether you sole purpose for ministry, motherhood or the marketplace, we have fruitful and genuine conversations that transcend your season yet impact your true identity as a woman. From light hearted and laughable to honest, deep matters of the heart, your soul will be encouraged.
00;01;11;21 - 00;01;12;13
Speaker 2
We hope you.
00;01;12;13 - 00;01;18;13
Speaker 3
And all women of every age and every stage buy life and freedom in Jesus.
00;01;18;15 - 00;01;28;03
Speaker 1
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the men of Faith podcast and the Project Sisterhood Podcast crossover episode.
00;01;28;06 - 00;01;28;17
Speaker 2
I know you're.
00;01;28;17 - 00;01;36;10
Speaker 3
Going to miss that noise has been made. Bless her. Has made been made known in our community because of you, Chanel. Well, yeah.
00;01;36;10 - 00;01;37;22
Speaker 4
Thank you. You can keep it.
00;01;37;28 - 00;01;38;11
Speaker 2
If you want.
00;01;38;19 - 00;01;43;05
Speaker 1
Do you want her version number? You want Mike to actually add the real sound effect?
00;01;43;10 - 00;01;45;10
Speaker 2
For sure. My version.
00;01;45;10 - 00;01;46;01
Speaker 1
Is better than the.
00;01;46;01 - 00;01;46;18
Speaker 2
Real. And now we're.
00;01;46;18 - 00;01;50;03
Speaker 3
Gonna. We're gonna take that. We're going to take that and then use it for the rest.
00;01;50;06 - 00;01;51;14
Speaker 2
Of the podcast that.
00;01;51;14 - 00;01;52;18
Speaker 5
You should know.
00;01;52;21 - 00;01;53;27
Speaker 3
She said we could keep it.
00;01;54;02 - 00;01;55;00
Speaker 4
Yeah. For sure.
00;01;55;00 - 00;02;11;00
Speaker 1
We're going to make Chanel go viral with her. Barbara Banger. Well, hey, we're excited to be together. I am, man, I'm excited to be on the Project Sisterhood podcast. I have never been on with Chrissy, Chanel, Alex, the whole thing. So thanks for having me.
00;02;11;03 - 00;02;20;18
Speaker 3
We are so happy to have you. Yes. Thank you. It's a brotherhood, love. Sisterhood here. Sisterhood. Les brotherhood. It is strong. The familia is strong. Yeah.
00;02;20;20 - 00;02;23;22
Speaker 4
And I was in a funny podcast, but here I am.
00;02;23;25 - 00;02;46;00
Speaker 1
Here you are. So, we want to talk about a a conversation on a topic that I think is, you know, normal for us to struggle with. I know that I've struggled with, unforgiveness at times in my life. And so I want to talk about forgiveness. But maybe we frame it at the beginning because I do think, like, there's some confusion.
00;02;46;04 - 00;03;14;29
Speaker 1
What is forgiveness and what isn't forgiveness. Because maybe we don't even have a good theology of what forgiveness is and isn't. And so maybe we start there and, I want to hear from you guys, you know, as your perspective as ladies, but also as just followers of Christ theologians, you know, in the room and, and podcast aficionados, these these ladies do great every time.
00;03;14;29 - 00;03;35;16
Speaker 1
I love listening. But, I do think there's just some confusion around forgiveness. I'm even thinking, like how sometimes we think forgiveness is like, we have to let those people in our lives. And that doesn't always, you know, necessarily mean that they need to stay in our lives. So. So talk to him about forgiveness. Maybe even your own journey with the struggles.
00;03;35;16 - 00;03;39;29
Speaker 1
And then what? Maybe it isn't. And where we have it twisted in the church.
00;03;40;01 - 00;03;45;18
Speaker 3
I actually wanted to start off this podcast with confessing some unforgiveness towards each of you.
00;03;45;19 - 00;03;48;05
Speaker 2
I'm just kidding. I was like, wait.
00;03;48;08 - 00;03;51;14
Speaker 1
That's real. Get authentic.
00;03;51;15 - 00;03;59;20
Speaker 2
Soon. So yeah. That's good. Yeah. I'm just kidding.
00;03;59;20 - 00;04;01;13
Speaker 3
Well, the first thing that I thought about.
00;04;01;16 - 00;04;05;29
Speaker 1
I love your vulnerability.
00;04;06;01 - 00;04;06;05
Speaker 2
The.
00;04;06;05 - 00;04;34;24
Speaker 3
First thing I do think about is that, forgiveness, has to happen. I what has to happen in order for us to find freedom. Like, many people are in bondage because, they haven't found forgiveness. But then we start naming certain behaviors or decisions and actions as forgiveness when really they are just, closing us off and causing even more of a bondage in our lives.
00;04;34;26 - 00;04;55;02
Speaker 3
So that's not really what isn't, but, you know, certain boundaries that we have with people and we're like, I've forgiven them, but, I need to have this boundary. Well, the forgiveness actually didn't happen, but setting boundaries sometimes replaced it. And we call it I've forgiven them. But it's like, no, no, no, you are just burning up that wound, that.
00;04;55;04 - 00;04;55;27
Speaker 1
Offense in your heart.
00;04;55;27 - 00;04;56;05
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;04;56;07 - 00;04;57;04
Speaker 4
It's like a cover.
00;04;57;08 - 00;04;59;09
Speaker 3
Yeah. I feel like boundaries are great cover.
00;04;59;09 - 00;05;18;02
Speaker 4
Yeah. Like I did it, you know, and you're still in my life and blah, blah, blah. So it's good, but you're still fostering that resentment. It's actually building up even more because you're spending so much time around them. Yeah. And the behaviors that frustrated you in the first place are still there. Yeah. And you're like, so actually causes more problems.
00;05;18;02 - 00;05;19;07
Speaker 4
I think when people do that.
00;05;19;08 - 00;05;41;04
Speaker 3
Absolutely. So I don't know if it's like that. Boundaries are all right. Yeah. Boundaries are a replacement for forgiveness. So that's not forgiveness. When you make boundaries without even the intention or hope for, an honest conversation or connection, at least connection with other person. And and if it's. Yeah, I don't know, because you can also not.
00;05;41;07 - 00;05;43;09
Speaker 3
Sorry I'm verbally processing.
00;05;43;09 - 00;05;43;21
Speaker 2
You.
00;05;43;23 - 00;05;49;13
Speaker 5
I think I think walls are a replacement for forgiveness. I think boundaries can be.
00;05;49;16 - 00;05;50;19
Speaker 2
Boundaries are good. Yeah.
00;05;50;19 - 00;05;52;13
Speaker 5
Boundaries are good. Yes.
00;05;52;16 - 00;06;01;15
Speaker 3
But even boundaries are called people's walls. Yeah. Our we're calling it boundaries, but we don't even know the difference between boundaries and walls.
00;06;01;15 - 00;06;34;27
Speaker 5
Yeah, yeah, I think forgiveness is like coming to a place of understanding the other person and also coming to a place of still continuing to honor that person. Even if you do make boundaries or even modify the relationship. You know, because I think that there are a variety of degrees to which forgiveness can take place. And like maybe you have been extremely hurt by this person and not just a one time thing, but like it's a repeated thing where they're hurting you and you do ultimately forgive them.
00;06;34;27 - 00;06;59;14
Speaker 5
But you need to put your place. You need to put yourself in a healthy place to not continuously be hurt by that person again, especially if they, you know, repeat in those actions. And so in that case, I do think boundaries are good, but also coming to an understanding that this person has intrinsic value and just because they've hurt you in the past doesn't mean that makes them a hurtful person or a bad person.
00;06;59;16 - 00;07;14;01
Speaker 5
And so for goodness, I do think is coming to an understanding that, hey, they're a human that is flawed and I can still honor them. I can still, collaborate with them and yes, in the kingdom. But yeah, maybe I do need to, you know, modify our friendship.
00;07;14;04 - 00;07;40;23
Speaker 3
Yeah. The modification is, what an actual boundary can be, which is, limiting access to the person who has recently hurt you or has hurt, you know? So. Yeah. Boundary forgiveness. When it's done well and boundaries are in place after forgiveness is distributed, it just limits your access from the person who hurt you or who offended you.
00;07;40;23 - 00;08;02;08
Speaker 4
And it, like, closes, that space for, like, repeated behavior. Yeah. And that's where the problem will continue to like lie and faster. But yeah I agree with everything that you said. And I just think sometimes too, when we're going through the forgiveness process, were unwilling to let go of the list of offenses to at the same time.
00;08;02;08 - 00;08;24;02
Speaker 4
And that's what gets it in the way, because we're not willing to let our guard down in that situation as well, because we're so hurt. But it's like love doesn't hold a record like that. Yeah. And we're called to love everybody the same way. And if we can't let go of that, nothing will get anywhere. And something that's always helped me when it comes to forgiveness is I'm like, you know, everybody.
00;08;24;02 - 00;08;50;13
Speaker 4
And I try to keep this thought even when it seems like it's not so. But everybody's doing the best they can with the tools that they have. And like, if we get an argument, I'm not looking at you as like, Christy should know this. And I'm like, oh, there's a little crazy in there. Yeah. And like, I know this might trigger her because of this or whatever, you know, like, there's a little person there and usually the projection that's coming out and the things that upset us is coming from that.
00;08;50;15 - 00;09;07;22
Speaker 4
And it's like keeping that mindset of like, oh, I've actually, like hurt people before, not on purpose, but because it was a reaction that I, trauma response or like whatever that I just automatically did. And I know that I'm not a bad person. I didn't mean that. I didn't want to hurt them. I also created shame and guilt because I hurt that person.
00;09;07;24 - 00;09;25;02
Speaker 4
So I try to put my mind into that perspective when I'm forgiving people all the time of like this. It's not personal, but we take it very personal. Yeah, I'm they're really doing the best that they can. And there's like a little person that's inside of them that's like hurting or, you know, projecting that out. So that's always what helps me with forgiveness.
00;09;25;02 - 00;09;31;03
Speaker 4
But yeah, but yeah, we can't keep holding the records of offense and the things that they've done.
00;09;31;03 - 00;09;31;12
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;09;31;13 - 00;09;57;04
Speaker 1
Good. I think we have to understand biblically. Right. What Jesus said is if if you forgive others, like you're your father in heaven will also forgive you. So like remembering, reminding ourselves like we've been forgiven of so much and we wrong God every day, right? The broken part of us, the fleshly part of us. And so how can we not forgive other people?
00;09;57;07 - 00;10;18;25
Speaker 1
And I think that that's where you guys talk about walls and boundaries, like there is still room in space where we need to be wise and say, hey, that person maybe can't have the same level of access into my life because they continue the same patterns of wounding me or other people, and so I can forgive them because I've been forgiven of much and I can still see the best in them.
00;10;18;28 - 00;10;36;11
Speaker 1
But I also see their patterns. And that's what we have to watch, right? People's patterns. And then we establish better and healthier boundaries so that they don't continue to hurt us. And I mean, to be honest, I never thought I dealt with unforgiveness. I've always been very quick like, oh yeah, I forgive people. Wrong. Me, I'm a leader.
00;10;36;11 - 00;10;59;18
Speaker 1
So it's like, whatever. But it's crazy. Like the longer you lead, the more you feel, under attack or under the microscope, because people always have their opinions. And so I'll be honest, like lately, I think I've been battling more unforgiveness. I'll get vulnerable. Wow. We do it on the Faith podcast soon. I think I'll be back with more forgiveness because people be pissing me off lately, you know what I'm saying?
00;10;59;18 - 00;11;02;17
Speaker 1
Like, can I say that on the podcast?
00;11;02;20 - 00;11;04;19
Speaker 3
I mean, we may bleep it out.
00;11;04;20 - 00;11;09;14
Speaker 1
We can say no, but if we beep, then it sounds like a worse word. No. But here's what I realize.
00;11;09;20 - 00;11;10;22
Speaker 3
So don't believe it out.
00;11;10;26 - 00;11;33;24
Speaker 1
Here's here's what I realized I realized that I felt attacked right? When people are questioning me or saying I'm doing something wrong, or they think I should do it a different way, and I was turning a couple people into it's perspective. You guys were just talking about it, a couple people into like, every everyone's attacking me.
00;11;33;26 - 00;11;34;06
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;11;34;13 - 00;11;56;14
Speaker 1
And then when I like made a list, it's like, oh, it's like 2 or 3 people. That's actually not that big of a deal out of a church of hundreds, you know. And so then I was like, hey, I gotta have a better perspective here. And the reality is, our humanity doesn't like being attached to, you know, like, my flesh doesn't like people questioning me.
00;11;56;16 - 00;12;17;13
Speaker 1
And sometimes there's justification for their questioning. Sometimes I don't think there is. But ultimately I have to have a better perspective of, look, this is a couple people. And number two, let me get to the root of why they feel this way. Not take everything so personal as like a personal affront, a personal attack, that there's something wrong with me.
00;12;17;15 - 00;12;45;17
Speaker 1
But maybe, maybe there's validity to. And what they're saying or seeing. And so I've had to step back a little recently, which has helped me to probably forgive more, because how easily I it was for me to be offended and take up an offense when it's like, Caleb, there's nothing for you to be offended by here. In fact, maybe there's validity, or maybe they're struggling with something else and they're bringing it into this conversation, and you need to dig in to that and ask more questions.
00;12;45;17 - 00;13;02;11
Speaker 1
My wife's really helped me because I'm very quick to just be like, no, shut it down. You need to do this. But right. And my wife's like, you need to ask more questions. And I think that with people who have hurt us or wronged, that sometimes we ask more questions of them. We get to the root of why they're doing the things they're doing, or coming out.
00;13;02;11 - 00;13;23;22
Speaker 1
It's the way they're coming at us. And then I have more grace and forgiveness in my heart because I understand them better. And ultimately, I think a lot of our hurt and unforgiveness is a lack of understanding of who the person is, what they're experiencing, why they're bringing, what they're bringing to us, and maybe even why they're they're processing the way they're processing.
00;13;23;22 - 00;13;35;15
Speaker 1
And so, so much has helped me is so much of what's helped me with forgiveness is actually like, man, you just got to understand people more and not try to be right all the time, which is what we do.
00;13;35;16 - 00;13;37;28
Speaker 3
I thought you were going to say what helps you is me.
00;13;38;00 - 00;13;39;07
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah.
00;13;39;10 - 00;14;05;15
Speaker 4
But that also shows the importance of like expeditiously having the conversation. Right? Because when we avoid and we separate like that and we take time apart, it gives more time for misunderstanding, for us to be in our head and start to concoct like a different story and like, fester on things more when we're actually biblically called to come together, when there's a grievance or a disagreement or an offense or whatever, and just talk about it.
00;14;05;15 - 00;14;27;06
Speaker 4
And it doesn't always have to be the sake for like, we're going to be friends and we're going to work this out or like whatever. Sometimes it's literally just to hear the other person and understand them, and then you can move away cordially from, from the situation. But when we take that space apart from each other, we're just like stewing in like the bad emotions and the bad feelings and everything else.
00;14;27;06 - 00;14;47;12
Speaker 4
And it makes it more impossible. And honestly, sometimes I think psychologically we just lose track of what we're even mad about the first place, because we start putting pieces together that aren't supposed to go together to and building a new, a new narrative. And that's when it starts to get really dangerous. And so, yeah, the conversations and the understanding and asking questions so important.
00;14;47;12 - 00;15;10;05
Speaker 3
And I like the word that you use expeditiously because I think as Christians we should always we should always, try to live unaffordable because if we get to the place where we see Christ as our Lord and Savior, not just our Savior, but our Lord, when we recognize that we have a Lord's and we are, his slave, we are his.
00;15;10;05 - 00;15;31;20
Speaker 3
And so, like, we have no rights. The things that we get offended by are the things that we are holding onto are the rights that we're trying to hold on to that we don't have. And so it's it's I think the greater thing is to not even wait to have a situation where you're you have to forgive and it doesn't have to be a struggle.
00;15;31;20 - 00;15;59;01
Speaker 3
It can almost be like, let's live unavoidably, and then we won't always have to access like, oh, I have to forgive that many times now, unfortunately, life isn't that easy and we can avoid being offended. And we will have to forgive, even if it's forgiving ourselves or asking God to remind us that he's forgiven us. Which is another big thing, because I think we can even get to the point where we are distributing forgiveness.
00;15;59;01 - 00;16;12;06
Speaker 3
And some of it is like, oh, maybe I just need to receive the forgiveness that the Savior has for me so that I can continue to walk unaffordable. Yes, because his forgiveness is enough, you know?
00;16;12;08 - 00;16;13;14
Speaker 2
So, yeah.
00;16;13;17 - 00;16;24;00
Speaker 3
I'm just like seeing things right now very clearly. I love it, but it's like so many people are in bondage to unforgiveness. And yeah.
00;16;24;03 - 00;16;40;17
Speaker 4
Yeah, definitely. I even think back to going back to, like, truly forgiving someone and having the heart posture for that, because I've done it with the wrong heart posture before, because it makes me feel like I'm in control. So I'll get vulnerable too. Since we're getting vulnerable.
00;16;40;18 - 00;16;41;20
Speaker 2
Let's go.
00;16;41;22 - 00;16;43;13
Speaker 3
Can you tell us who your,
00;16;43;15 - 00;16;46;04
Speaker 2
I don't like? I mean, yeah.
00;16;46;06 - 00;17;02;17
Speaker 4
But when I, you know, you know, when I was younger, I was in a really abusive relationship, and I was, like, so scared of this person. And I would always forgive them and bring them back into my life because it made me feel like I was in control, because it was someone that I was in bondage to, like, you know, like they controlled me and everything else.
00;17;02;17 - 00;17;20;20
Speaker 4
And I was like, And I was so scared all the time. But I was like, if we can get in a good place and I can forgive them, and then we get in this good space, then I feel like I'm in control again because I hadn't done this whole time. Yeah. And I think that that happens in relationships, but it also happens in friendships when they feel like they're run by like another person in their friendship.
00;17;20;20 - 00;17;38;23
Speaker 4
They forgive them because they're like, I want to feel like I have control in this situation too, or I that I have some power. And by them coming to me for something and I need to forgive them, that puts me in this, in this hierarchy. Right? And it puts them back on top. And I think, again, that's not the right heart posture for forgiveness anyway.
00;17;38;23 - 00;17;42;20
Speaker 4
You're just continuing this same cycle. Yeah. Because the same thing is going to happen.
00;17;42;21 - 00;18;05;18
Speaker 3
It's not forgiveness. It's fake forgiveness. Yeah. You know and and what I actually I don't know if you did you asked this question. But I think what keeps us from forgiving people is our desire for control. We're not we're like, well, if we can change them, then I don't have to forgive them. Or if we can change them and identify the things that they've done wrong and act like it isn't hurting us.
00;18;05;19 - 00;18;11;22
Speaker 3
We're just going to, we have control. It's a control issue that we have that keeps us from forgiving others. Yeah.
00;18;11;29 - 00;18;31;25
Speaker 5
I also think, too, we need to be very careful that we don't only forgive when we receive an apology. I think a lot of times, and I've been like this, even with my husband especially, I mean, we're still early in our marriage, but in our first year, it was like I would only forgive him if he told me that he was sorry.
00;18;31;28 - 00;18;58;20
Speaker 5
But to be honest with you, like my the emotions that I felt, the hurt that I felt weren't always because he was acting with malicious intent. Yeah. And so I came to realize that, like, some people's actions don't actually need an apology. Like, they don't need to say, hey, I'm sorry that I did this, because let's be real, a lot of times, especially with people who have good intentions, they don't mean to hurt you.
00;18;58;20 - 00;19;16;28
Speaker 5
They don't mean to be malicious. It's just emotions happen to us, right? And so I think we do need to get to a place of not expecting an apology before we forgive. And, like, just like you were saying, Caleb, we forgive because we've been forgiven much. But also, Scripture tells us that we aren't to forgive seven times.
00;19;16;28 - 00;19;21;03
Speaker 5
Yeah, we're to get it to forgive 70 times. Seven times. And so.
00;19;21;09 - 00;19;21;22
Speaker 3
Yeah, that.
00;19;21;22 - 00;19;31;15
Speaker 5
Scripture, these scriptures aren't saying, hey, forgive this person if they do this, forgive this person if they apologize to you, it's just point blank. Forgive them. Yeah.
00;19;31;17 - 00;19;50;20
Speaker 3
Conditional forgiveness is also fake. Forgiveness is what you're saying. And what I see happening is, expectations were like, well, we have this expectation because we just feel like they need to live to a certain standard. You're still trying to control the situation and evade forgiveness. So and I mean, the fact of the matter is people are going to hurt us.
00;19;50;20 - 00;20;11;05
Speaker 3
People are going to wound us intentionally, unintentionally. And if our expectation is higher of the other person to be and made found right. And then we are trying to become the judge. We're trying to make them do something right. And we have to just forgive because again, there's only one judge.
00;20;11;08 - 00;20;11;28
Speaker 4
Yeah.
00;20;12;00 - 00;20;12;29
Speaker 3
Our Lord and Savior.
00;20;13;02 - 00;20;25;28
Speaker 1
It's interesting, all the scriptures, you know, that you're referencing. If you think about Matthew six, Ephesians three, I think it's all like, forgive one another and there's no stipulation to that. Yeah.
00;20;26;01 - 00;20;49;22
Speaker 1
And how many times in the New Testament Jesus teaches on it, Paul teaches on it, that forgiveness is reiterated in Scripture over and over. And the only reason it is, is because we are affordable, you know, like offense is real. And so I know, Chris, you, it's great to say like, we should be unaffordable, but we should strive human nature.
00;20;49;22 - 00;20;50;17
Speaker 3
Right? Right, right, right.
00;20;50;19 - 00;21;13;07
Speaker 1
Like, the reality is, I actually think the older I get, I'm like, man, I think I'm getting more affordable. Am I not becoming as much like Christ? No. I think I feel it more because for my whole life as a man, I just stuffed every emotion. So the human side of me, the fleshly side of me. And we know if you've ever been through connection codes, emotions happen to you.
00;21;13;10 - 00;21;34;15
Speaker 1
And so I, I think you can't control these emotions happening. I think that there is times, no matter what we do, how close we are to Christ, things are said done in our flesh and our emotions say, oh, that hurts. Oh, I'm offended, right? It's now our response to that. That is how we obey and please the Lord or not.
00;21;34;15 - 00;21;49;29
Speaker 1
It's not that there was an offense in our heart, or that our emotions felt hurt. Yeah, it's what am I doing with that? Right. Because an offense can hurt and act can hurt, but I can stop it from becoming an offense.
00;21;49;29 - 00;21;50;15
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;21;50;17 - 00;22;13;06
Speaker 1
By my response. Right. And so if I choose immediately to say, hey, I'm not going to hold this against this person, love keeps no record of wrong. As you said. I'm going to forgive quickly, despite the fact that they're not apologizing and they don't even feel bad about what they've done. Right. So it's it's taking those thoughts captive that follow the emotion.
00;22;13;06 - 00;22;36;05
Speaker 1
Right? We're not called to take our emotions captive, which is what I thought my whole life I was supposed to do. That's not biblical, right? We take our thoughts captive. The emotions happen to us now. What we do with them is our thought life, our actions. And so I think we just all have to do better at saying, all right, Lord, that hurt me, but I don't want to hold this against this person.
00;22;36;05 - 00;22;57;01
Speaker 1
I want to forgive this person. I want to have unity with this person. And that means having, like you say, quicker conversations. I think maybe the reason I've been and I use strong language about how people are making me feel lately is I'm just feeling more, but what I'm doing better as people make me mad, right? Hurt me is I'm going right to them.
00;22;57;02 - 00;23;03;18
Speaker 1
Yeah, I just sent the text. I was telling them before the podcast, or I just sent the text to a couple people and I'm like, hey, I'm hurt.
00;23;03;21 - 00;23;17;02
Speaker 1
By what is what I'm hearing, what has been said by you about me. Can we meet? I just laid it out there. I'm hurt like that. Hurt, and I'm hurt by it. But I don't want to hold an offense against you.
00;23;17;02 - 00;23;17;13
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;23;17;15 - 00;23;35;16
Speaker 1
So can we meet this week so we can talk about it? And they were like, oh, we're like, yeah, you know, they want to meet with me. Yeah. And I think there will be healing and health that comes out of it. But what I could have done was just stood on it, held it, and got more and more bitter and mad in these people.
00;23;35;16 - 00;23;52;16
Speaker 1
And I start talking about them to everyone else. And it's like, no, I'm going to tell them straight up, this hurt. Can we talk? I want to forgive you. Maybe I'm hearing this wrong because sometimes, right things come to us and it's not even correct. Yeah, yeah. Let me hear your perspective on on what's going on in this situation.
00;23;52;18 - 00;24;09;21
Speaker 1
And so again, it's all Matthew 18. We're building relationship. We're fighting for unity. We're addressing our brother sister. And if we need to draw boundaries, we do. And I might need to with these people, I don't know. But I'm going to at least give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to take the opportunity to to meet so I can have forgiveness in my heart.
00;24;09;21 - 00;24;19;07
Speaker 1
I don't want to. I don't want honestly just sending the text. I felt 100 times better. Hey, I'm hurt. Can we meet and talk about this? Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. I feel better already.
00;24;19;07 - 00;24;19;18
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;24;19;18 - 00;24;25;03
Speaker 1
You know, I feel like I let go of offense simply by telling them that I was offended and hurt.
00;24;25;05 - 00;24;47;19
Speaker 3
Right? I, I think there is a we do have to distinguish hurt from offense for sure. So I do think it's possible for us to live closer to unaffordable, but acknowledging our hurt because I think sometimes we can walk around, be like, I'm not hurt, I might offend over. I'm great. And it's like, no, you're fake. Like you're just trying to, you're you're self protecting, you're being defensive.
00;24;47;19 - 00;25;08;27
Speaker 3
And and your defense mechanism is just you smiling and acting like you never get hurt. So it's like, acknowledge the hurt, but you can be un offended. Yeah. It's when you hold on to the hurt and stew over it and then invite the, the wrong, yeah. The wrong thoughts according to the hurt where you do get offended.
00;25;08;29 - 00;25;12;18
Speaker 5
And I think a lot of us are offended more.
00;25;12;20 - 00;25;13;06
Speaker 3
Because not.
00;25;13;07 - 00;25;22;22
Speaker 2
Me. Not just none of us here. None of us. Christy. It's unavoidable. Being unavoidable.
00;25;22;25 - 00;25;42;02
Speaker 5
But I think a lot of us struggle with being offended because we don't know how to forgive. Well, we don't know how to fight well, because we don't know how to communicate our emotions. Or even maybe we've been taught that communicating our emotions is a negative thing. Like you growing up, right? You were holding your emotions captive.
00;25;42;02 - 00;26;04;07
Speaker 5
And I think that's true for many of us. In fact, I've had a couple of conversations in the past week of kind of teaching people the connection codes because they were in a conflict that was going nowhere, and I just was like, what are you feeling during the times where you're hurt or you feel unseen or you feel lonely, like what what emotion is coming from you?
00;26;04;07 - 00;26;32;19
Speaker 5
And like, how does that emotion get triggered? Yeah. And they both were like, I've never learned how to do that before. And like a conversation that they tried to have alone was maybe like 15 minutes long. And they both texted me, they were like this was not good. But then when we begin to like share our emotions together, it was like an hour long conversation of like them ending it and saying like, oh, that went a lot better than I thought.
00;26;32;22 - 00;26;45;25
Speaker 5
And so I do think that we need to start teaching people a little bit more about what it looks like to feel your emotions. Yeah. And then also to process that emotion with the Lord and also with the other person with.
00;26;45;25 - 00;26;54;08
Speaker 3
The Lord is the big oh, go ahead. I don't want you miss your thought. I'll remember what I'm going to say because it's just a book. Recommendations. Oh, I love it.
00;26;54;10 - 00;26;55;11
Speaker 5
Wait, we haven't done that.
00;26;55;13 - 00;27;01;05
Speaker 3
Every every podcast episode for sisterhood. There's a book recommendation, but don't lose your fat go.
00;27;01;08 - 00;27;21;19
Speaker 4
I think that that that's what causes a lot of conflict. Right. And that's where empathy comes in, is I think that people get frustrated all the time because they don't know how to properly communicate what they're feeling. Yeah. And there's frustration in that and not being able to articulate things correctly. And then that's when people kind of like lash out and yelling starts happening and disrespecting starts happening and name whatever.
00;27;21;25 - 00;27;35;12
Speaker 4
All that starts happening out of frustration. Yeah. I do not know how to articulate what I'm feeling. Yes. And then that's when empathy comes in on our role too, of like, I can tell they're struggling to just communicate this right now. Like, this isn't even about me.
00;27;35;12 - 00;27;36;00
Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah.
00;27;36;00 - 00;27;51;11
Speaker 4
And taking yourself out of it. But that brings me back to to what you're saying about like, expectations that we have. Because I even think about, like, my siblings with my dad, you know, and even me and my dad, me and my dad probably have the closest relationships out of all my siblings, but it's because I went to my dad.
00;27;51;14 - 00;28;04;22
Speaker 4
Of course, everyone's like, he's the father. Like he should, you know, come to you and like, talk to you. And bottom line is just like, again, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools that they have. Yes. And and everything else. And it's like, I know at the end of the day, I want a relationship with my dad.
00;28;04;22 - 00;28;18;16
Speaker 4
So I'm going to go, let's go. We're going to go talk about it. And not all my siblings have done that. I'm like, and I know a lot of people who struggle with their relationship with their father and they're like, well, my dad should talk to me because he's the parent, or my mom should talk to me because they're the parent.
00;28;18;16 - 00;28;26;21
Speaker 4
And it's like, sometimes it just isn't that you can't have that expectation. If you want relationships, someone has to go first.
00;28;26;21 - 00;28;27;08
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;28;27;08 - 00;28;42;23
Speaker 4
And that can just be sometimes. And that's again the empathy and the forgiveness. And it doesn't have to start with them apologizing. It's like I require deeper require I want a deeper relationship. So if they're not going to do it I'm going to go do it. And then also not holding offense because they're not doing it.
00;28;42;23 - 00;29;05;19
Speaker 3
Yeah. So that that makes me think of kind of going back to what you were saying about. No, you were saying this about how people will lash out and when I think of lashing out emotionally, I think about my children. They have not yet discovered how to control, how to control themselves, self-regulate. They don't know their bodies well enough.
00;29;05;19 - 00;29;30;17
Speaker 3
They don't know their thoughts. They don't. They have not lived on this planet long enough. So it goes back to what you were saying about even when you see people acting out and they're causing even more, conflict, division or acting out even by outbursts or sarcasm, that's all the little the little person who has not forgiven, who has not known how to regulate their emotions.
00;29;30;23 - 00;29;53;00
Speaker 3
And so we could have more empathy and compassion for them, because you do see them as like, oh, that's probably your younger self. And sometimes we have to manage our expectations because you expect more from certain adults. You expect more from your parents, you expect them to act wiser and but then again, that's just your expectations. You can't control them.
00;29;53;03 - 00;30;14;22
Speaker 3
So your part, our part in this whole thing of forgiveness is to love. And forgiveness is probably the most loving thing we can do. And that's being like Christ and not expecting anything in return. He forgave us all. He forgave every single person, all of humanity. And not everybody is yielding their lives to him or loving him back.
00;30;14;22 - 00;30;37;18
Speaker 1
So can I just bring a scripture that I don't think we always reference? But I think this is a key, in forgiveness. And so it's Luke 17 three through four, and Jesus is speaking about, when people sinned against us and he says, if your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them. And if they repent, forgive them.
00;30;37;21 - 00;31;05;23
Speaker 1
Even if they sin against you seven times in a day, forgive them. And so this scripture, I think, is just a reminder that, like, we have to have the conversation, especially if someone is in sin. Right? And I think so often we avoid people who and sins are small or big, right? Like someone can sin against us. That means, maybe talking behind our back, which is the conversation I have to have.
00;31;05;25 - 00;31;24;17
Speaker 1
And I feel like I've been sinned against. So I'm going there honestly, to rebuke, like, straight up. I'm like, I'm showing up here. I want to understand. But I also feel like there needs to be a rebuke here. And if I'm wrong because maybe I have the wrong information, then tell me either way, I'm here to forgive you.
00;31;24;24 - 00;31;49;02
Speaker 1
And then he goes on, right? He says if they repent, forgive them. But then he says, but even if they sinned against you seven times in a day, they haven't repented, still forgive them. And so I think it's this again, it's reiterating what we've been saying. But ultimately, like we have to talk to the people that are offending us now, some of us, there's people who've hurt us, wounded us, we have unforgiveness towards them, and they're gone.
00;31;49;02 - 00;32;17;02
Speaker 1
They're dead like we can't have that conversation. You still have to forgive. Scripture's clear. We forgive, but we can't avoid the hard conversations because ultimately, we're missing an opportunity to help people grow to to have true unity, which only comes with repentance from that person like they have they if they're in sin, they do need to repent. And if they don't and we don't give them an opportunity, we're actually like stunting their growth doesn't mean we're better.
00;32;17;02 - 00;32;34;00
Speaker 1
It's not putting me on a high horse. Even the conversation I'm going to have, I'm not saying I'm better because I've definitely sinned against people too. But in this situation, I need to have a conversation and there may need to be a rebuke or I need to say, hey, okay, I had the wrong information. I need to let go of any hurt offense and I need to forgive regardless.
00;32;34;02 - 00;32;49;19
Speaker 1
But this scripture to me, and this is Jesus talking is like, bro, we got it. We got to have our Matthew 18 moments, which is like, you have an issue with your brother. You go to them, your sister and if you can't do it, then you bring in a third party, right? As the Scripture tells us. And that's what Alex became for these two people.
00;32;49;22 - 00;33;06;13
Speaker 1
But it's the only way for us to have unity and forgiveness in the church when we will be hurt, sinned against, and need to forgive. But we can't have all this like, oh, it's just I forgave with the Lord and I'm good, you know? No, we got to do it with them.
00;33;06;13 - 00;33;07;03
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;33;07;05 - 00;33;07;16
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;33;07;16 - 00;33;09;12
Speaker 1
Which is way harder, to be honest.
00;33;09;15 - 00;33;35;26
Speaker 3
It's way harder. I mean, there's like, not just theologians, but there's doctorates, doctors in this world and in the, in the marketplace that are they're heavy on conflict resolution and learning how to have contentious conversations. And their goal in the world is that there would be success, right? There would be success in their organizations, success in their, whatever academia, a world that they're a part of.
00;33;36;03 - 00;33;59;27
Speaker 3
But for Christians, it is the demand. It is a call on our lives to be united. And it's not because we're just trying to achieve, it's because the goal in this life is to be connected to the Lord and and connected to Jesus, and forgiveness is keeping us from that full. The fullness of connection that we can have with him and our mission is love is for us to be united in love.
00;33;59;29 - 00;34;24;28
Speaker 3
So I just think that we have to get better at it as a church. We've got to champion it. We've got to, oppress, impress upon, our ourselves and upon our congregants that we are after unity because that it's not even so that our church can grow healthier. It's not so that our church can grow. It's so that we individually will live out what God has called us to.
00;34;24;29 - 00;34;42;04
Speaker 3
Yeah. And so I'm I'm actually really excited about some of the things that we've experienced in church, the things that you're experiencing, as a leader, because it's just going to get us right aligned with the Holy Spirit and, yeah. And we'll be more effective as a body.
00;34;42;06 - 00;34;42;24
Speaker 4
Yeah.
00;34;42;27 - 00;34;43;03
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;34;43;03 - 00;34;45;07
Speaker 4
I think we just are so scared of conflict all the time.
00;34;45;07 - 00;35;04;12
Speaker 3
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Conflict? Yeah. What is the book? No, no, no, it was, it was another it was another book that I was going to that I'm talking about all these other people and business leaders and CEOs and CFOs are like, sharing. And it's like they're trying to get better at conflict resolution so their organizations are more effective.
00;35;04;12 - 00;35;13;05
Speaker 3
It can make more money. Yeah, but what about the church? We should be resolving conflict better. Yeah. And forgiving one another so that we can love.
00;35;13;06 - 00;35;13;24
Speaker 5
Yeah.
00;35;13;27 - 00;35;40;24
Speaker 3
Until unity. That's the book that I would recommend until unity by what's his face? Francis Chan, Francis Chan and my, my favorite thing about it, that book, is he just spills all the scripture on Christ's heart for unity. And he's like, I pray that you don't even have to read the rest of this book. I just gave you every single scripture practically in the word that talks about unity.
00;35;40;26 - 00;35;46;28
Speaker 3
There should be no other conversations if ifs, ands, or buts about whether we should be fighting for unity or not.
00;35;47;05 - 00;35;48;05
Speaker 5
So non-negotiable.
00;35;48;05 - 00;35;49;21
Speaker 3
It's a non-negotiable.
00;35;49;26 - 00;35;49;28
Speaker 2
All.
00;35;49;28 - 00;35;53;05
Speaker 4
The time though. Like about how conflict is price.
00;35;53;05 - 00;35;53;21
Speaker 3
We play.
00;35;53;24 - 00;35;54;20
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;35;54;22 - 00;36;02;11
Speaker 3
For a deepening level. So we laugh about it. This it's like it's it's a part of our, premarital counseling. Yeah, yeah.
00;36;02;14 - 00;36;21;20
Speaker 5
But it's true. I mean, like, it's it's inevitable. Yeah. And it really is the price we pay for deepening levels of intimacy in relationships because it's in conflict when you do it. Well, when you're vulnerable, when you share your emotion, where the other person is able to understand you and you're also able to understand the other person.
00;36;21;20 - 00;36;30;22
Speaker 5
Yeah, to a greater level. And so it's like, I don't think that, you know, I mean, we're actually talking about this yesterday. She was like, Alex, we need to get into a fight.
00;36;30;24 - 00;36;34;07
Speaker 2
So we can do whatever I'm trying to say.
00;36;34;09 - 00;36;53;07
Speaker 5
And I was like, actually, I don't think we need to because we know how to challenge each other. Well, we know how to like, call the call each other higher. That's a benefit of podcasting, right? Calling, calling each other up. Come on. We know how to call each other up. And so I think that's why we don't have a lot of arguments.
00;36;53;09 - 00;36;56;22
Speaker 5
Because we are all of us are in conflict.
00;36;56;28 - 00;37;01;16
Speaker 3
That's all I can say. The misnomer is that it's an argument. Yeah, like our fight.
00;37;01;17 - 00;37;13;24
Speaker 5
Even this conversation. Yeah, I mean, conflict, like. Yeah, I think all of us have come to moments where we're like, oh, you know what? Like, how about this perspective? How about that perspective? But like, we're in constant conflict with one another. It's just not an argument.
00;37;13;24 - 00;37;43;11
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah. For years you've probably heard that said like conflict is a price that you pay. So I'll have a moment where we kind of had a very honest conversation. It wasn't like we're in argument with each other. It was just like emotions were high. And there was, I would say, two different perspectives on a situation and the way it was perceived from one another brought conflict, and it was addressed right there and then.
00;37;43;11 - 00;37;46;21
Speaker 3
There were tears, and then there was the.
00;37;46;21 - 00;37;47;00
Speaker 5
And then you.
00;37;47;00 - 00;38;05;15
Speaker 3
Got to saying, and I go, how are you feeling after all that? You know, and then we both got, yeah, we both got sick. And then, gosh, everything's worse when you get physically sick. And then we came back a couple weeks later. Right. And I was like, how are you feeling about all this? And then Alex looks at me very serious, and I think she's going to give me a serious answer.
00;38;05;15 - 00;38;07;14
Speaker 3
But she says conflict is a.
00;38;07;14 - 00;38;09;25
Speaker 2
Price we pay for a deepening.
00;38;09;25 - 00;38;22;24
Speaker 3
Level of intimacy. So, it was like practicing what you preach. Yeah. And as. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. High five. We did it. Conflict.
00;38;22;26 - 00;38;46;09
Speaker 1
I want to give us a call up. I mean, this is a crossover, but for the men of Faith who are listening, a call up. But I think what's interesting is the Lord gave me this perspective a little while back because I've been in a season of feeling, like, more challenged than I've ever been by people. And I don't like that, you know, I don't like when people challenge me.
00;38;46;11 - 00;38;48;09
Speaker 1
Question me. What did you say?
00;38;48;16 - 00;38;49;14
Speaker 2
I like, like that.
00;38;49;19 - 00;39;09;18
Speaker 1
I like that I don't like people challenge me, question me, and I'm like, what's going on? Like, am I giving off vibes like, come challenge me? And the Lord was like, yes. Oh, and I was whoa. And I was like, what does that mean, Lord? Because I was really wrestling with it because I felt like most of my leadership in life, like people just wouldn't challenge me.
00;39;09;21 - 00;39;42;14
Speaker 1
And I felt like the Lord said, as I've softened you and made you more emotionally aware and vulnerable, it's made you more approachable. And for a long time you were unapproachable. And I do think I have a level of that with people still. But I felt like the Lord was, was telling me like actually this is a good thing because even though you don't like it, because, you know, my pride doesn't like being challenged or people questioning me or whatever he was saying in the past.
00;39;42;16 - 00;40;01;02
Speaker 1
You know, I felt like the Lord was just saying to me in the past, they wouldn't have ever come to you. They would have said it to someone else. But now, because of some level of vulnerability that you're having and a softening of your heart and spirit, they're more apt to actually say, I think I could say this to Caleb, and he'll receive it.
00;40;01;05 - 00;40;24;16
Speaker 1
And so that means me staying postured humbly so I can receive it, and not getting offended when actually it may be from a good place, even if I disagree. And I do sometimes disagree with people when they come to me and challenged me, I'm like, hey, actually, that's not for me. That's for you to figure out, you know, like, or I don't feel like that's something that I need to change.
00;40;24;19 - 00;40;40;03
Speaker 1
But ultimately it's like seeing it as a good thing that, hey, they're going to you like, would you rather than talk behind your back or come to you directly? And I think that's helped me to stay in a posture of less offense.
00;40;40;03 - 00;40;41;02
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;40;41;04 - 00;40;46;22
Speaker 1
Where I carry and walk in a state and spirit of forgiveness is actually seeing the good even in the challenging.
00;40;46;22 - 00;40;47;13
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I know.
00;40;47;13 - 00;40;56;26
Speaker 1
You guys used the quote a million times, so we're not going to say it again. But shout out let's and Leslie parent. Yes. Which how is a husband and wife named less and Leslie. That's weird.
00;40;56;27 - 00;40;57;09
Speaker 3
Yes.
00;40;57;09 - 00;40;58;11
Speaker 5
It's very weird.
00;40;58;14 - 00;41;17;15
Speaker 1
I think one of them changed their names, but, but but I just think, like, wow. Actually, it's a gift. I think maybe the harder conversations that we're all having that are uncomfortable, that I think is actually the heart of God that we're going to people is a gift. And the Lord's going, man, I'm actually maturing.
00;41;17;15 - 00;41;18;20
Speaker 3
You. Yeah, I'm maturing.
00;41;18;20 - 00;41;38;07
Speaker 1
All of you. And that's why you're able to have these conversations. It makes forgiveness harder. Yeah, because now I'm face to face with you hashing it out, and it's much easier to not talk to you about it and respect. All right. Lord, I forgive them in my prayer time when I got to actually talk to you here, your feelings here, your emotions here, your thoughts, it's harder, but.
00;41;38;07 - 00;41;51;19
Speaker 1
So my call up, I'm gonna give him a call. If you guys want to give a call up and the sister can receive the call up to, I think my call up is just have have the harder conversations, you know, go to people if you're if you're hurt, if you're offended, if you got something on your heart, man, just go to the person.
00;41;51;19 - 00;41;53;13
Speaker 1
Don't talk behind their back.
00;41;53;13 - 00;41;54;16
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;41;54;18 - 00;42;12;06
Speaker 1
Not that you can't get wise counsel. You can. So you handle it correctly. But do that with, you know, one trusted person, two trusted people, and then go have the conversation. And, I think that will have greater unity, more forgiveness in the church if we're just talking about it. Yeah, that's my call. It.
00;42;12;08 - 00;42;17;02
Speaker 3
That's very good. I have two call ups. I have two, but only have one. Oh, come on, babe.
00;42;17;04 - 00;42;19;13
Speaker 2
This is just the right.
00;42;19;15 - 00;42;28;03
Speaker 3
Dang it. All right, well, you because your guys's that's not a word you give yours and then. Oh, because you I don't. Maybe one of mine is yours.
00;42;28;03 - 00;42;31;03
Speaker 1
Man of Faith podcast. I set the rules around here. Chrissy.
00;42;31;05 - 00;42;32;18
Speaker 3
Wait. This is also the is.
00;42;32;24 - 00;42;34;03
Speaker 2
No, that's why it's funny.
00;42;34;05 - 00;42;36;28
Speaker 3
Don't want to be telling you. You don't like to be challenged.
00;42;36;29 - 00;42;41;23
Speaker 2
Okay, friend. Crazy out here.
00;42;41;25 - 00;42;58;04
Speaker 5
Okay, so my call up is to give yourself grace to experience your emotion. Who don't? Once you feel it, don't try to stop it immediately. Yeah, but allow yourself to experience your emotion. God created emotions. Yes. And then communicate your emotion.
00;42;58;11 - 00;42;58;25
Speaker 3
Yeah. Good.
00;42;58;27 - 00;43;01;04
Speaker 5
It's a great way to grow in emotional intelligence.
00;43;01;04 - 00;43;01;27
Speaker 3
Very good.
00;43;01;27 - 00;43;04;08
Speaker 1
I great word.
00;43;04;11 - 00;43;05;09
Speaker 5
Yeah.
00;43;05;11 - 00;43;06;12
Speaker 1
Emotional intelligence.
00;43;06;15 - 00;43;07;09
Speaker 2
I was like when.
00;43;07;14 - 00;43;10;23
Speaker 1
She goes die. No.
00;43;10;26 - 00;43;13;23
Speaker 2
Yeah, I go to the next podcast.
00;43;13;26 - 00;43;18;10
Speaker 1
Listen, I was the only white man on this podcast, but I'm the only white person on this.
00;43;18;10 - 00;43;19;16
Speaker 2
Podcast after me, bro.
00;43;19;17 - 00;43;23;13
Speaker 1
Okay. You have, let's talk about diet.
00;43;23;16 - 00;43;23;28
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;43;24;00 - 00;43;31;02
Speaker 4
Well, my call up is. It's such a challenge. I know, but, man, try, try really hard not to take things personal.
00;43;31;02 - 00;43;31;21
Speaker 3
Yeah, because.
00;43;31;21 - 00;43;39;15
Speaker 4
It's really not even when it feels like a personal attack, man. Like, oh, that person really went out of their way. But why did they go out of their way? It's because. So, you know.
00;43;39;15 - 00;43;40;06
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
00;43;40;07 - 00;43;51;01
Speaker 4
So my thing is always just man, don't take it personal. Really take the time to really try to understand that person. It will help you. So it's honestly probably the only reason I can forgive people for the most part.
00;43;51;01 - 00;43;51;08
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00;43;51;08 - 00;43;58;06
Speaker 4
I'm going to lie. Like, on a logical level, it's because I don't take it personal and I try to understand. So yeah. So the biggest hack I can get.
00;43;58;12 - 00;44;03;19
Speaker 3
No, that's so good. I still have to. It's okay. You know what my.
00;44;03;22 - 00;44;05;22
Speaker 2
Zoom in on Kayla. Hey.
00;44;05;25 - 00;44;07;28
Speaker 1
Okay. One for the men and one.
00;44;07;28 - 00;44;08;15
Speaker 2
For the sister.
00;44;08;20 - 00;44;10;06
Speaker 3
And they're actually two.
00;44;10;07 - 00;44;12;05
Speaker 1
And 27 bucks to recommend. Yeah.
00;44;12;06 - 00;44;35;29
Speaker 3
They're two they're actually two book recommendations that that are connected to, the call up. So my first call up is to take your emotions to the Lord first. Too often we try to do the act of forgiveness and have the conversations before we've taken it to the Lord. But Jesus wants to disciple us through our emotions. That is the experience that we get to have with him and Him alone.
00;44;35;29 - 00;44;58;15
Speaker 3
Because if emotions just happen to us, then Creator God has emotions and he wants to make them righteous. He wants to root out anything that's causing the motion to turn into offense. So, a book that will help us with that is cry of the soul. I cannot think of his name. But anyways, cry of the soul.
00;44;58;17 - 00;45;21;13
Speaker 3
And second, try softer. We've got to keep our hearts tender before the Lord. Which I'm super blessed that the Lord. I'm not going to cry. But the Lord spoke that to you the way he did that. He's he's made you more tender. And when we stay tender, then our goal is not to be right with our knowledge, with our pride, with our distractions.
00;45;21;18 - 00;45;46;03
Speaker 3
I mean, there's so many things in our life that are keeping us from allowing the Lord to really mold us and shape us. So try softer is my other book recommendation by I can't say her name and, color, but it's try softer. She's also both of the books are written by therapists and it really just it helps you to be an individual who's connected emotionally, with God so you can connect well with others.
00;45;46;05 - 00;46;09;19
Speaker 1
I mean, it's so good to think about people and loving them well, you know, and not demonizing them even if they're broken and hurt us and wound us and, it's like, man, God still loves them. I still have a responsibility to love them. Maybe I need boundaries. Yeah, yeah, but but if I'm keeping my love on. Yeah.
00;46;09;20 - 00;46;13;15
Speaker 1
Another book. Now I'm making book recommendations.
00;46;13;15 - 00;46;16;13
Speaker 3
Danny. So. Right.
00;46;16;15 - 00;46;24;13
Speaker 1
Going into every conversation with the goal of, hey, this is a son of God. A daughter of God made in his image.
00;46;24;13 - 00;46;25;21
Speaker 3
Yes.
00;46;25;23 - 00;46;39;04
Speaker 1
With some brokenness. And I want to love them well, in this conversation, not just be right. Right. Like I'm even going to this meeting soon. It's like, I don't want to go there. I'm a rebuke and be right and put people in there like, man.
00;46;39;06 - 00;46;39;24
Speaker 3
Yeah, I want to.
00;46;39;24 - 00;46;46;20
Speaker 1
Love them well. And that may mean that some of that takes place, but ultimately it's like I want to connect.
00;46;46;22 - 00;46;47;03
Speaker 3
Yes.
00;46;47;03 - 00;46;50;11
Speaker 1
You know, heart, soul and leave in unity. That's my.
00;46;50;11 - 00;46;51;07
Speaker 3
Goal.
00;46;51;09 - 00;47;10;08
Speaker 1
And I think if that's our goal, you know, it's much easier to walk in forgiveness. But a lot of us just want to be right. And I'm guilty of that. You know, I can confess that here. So thank you guys for, letting me be on the sisterhood podcast. And thank you for being on the man of Faith part.
00;47;10;11 - 00;47;11;04
Speaker 3
So thank you.
00;47;11;04 - 00;47;12;12
Speaker 1
You guys are now MLF.
00;47;12;20 - 00;47;14;26
Speaker 5
Were women of faith.
00;47;14;29 - 00;47;18;00
Speaker 2
Well, men, you're w MOFs.
00;47;18;02 - 00;47;19;20
Speaker 3
Why does that sound like.
00;47;19;23 - 00;47;20;06
Speaker 1
Faith.
00;47;20;09 - 00;47;24;02
Speaker 2
From woman? What? Yeah.
00;47;24;05 - 00;47;29;00
Speaker 1
So how do you guys send them off? I always just go say, hey, we'll see you next time. Grace and peace. What do you guys say?
00;47;29;05 - 00;47;30;25
Speaker 2
Stay cool.
00;47;30;27 - 00;47;34;15
Speaker 1
Stay cool.
00;47;34;17 - 00;47;37;01
Speaker 1
Faith?
00;47;37;03 - 00;47;38;07
Speaker 1
Guys really say stay cool.
00;47;38;07 - 00;47;39;07
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;47;39;10 - 00;47;39;19
Speaker 1
No you.
00;47;39;19 - 00;47;45;12
Speaker 2
Don't. Yeah, I finally did it. One time, and that's cool. So now we do it every episode.
00;47;45;19 - 00;47;47;16
Speaker 1
Stay. Stay cool. Stay. Grace and peace.
00;47;47;20 - 00;47;49;14
Speaker 3
Yeah. Grace and peace is my brother.