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Friendships can be holy… and complicated.
In this episode of Project Sisterhood, Chrissy sits down with Evie Rodriguez-Aleman for an honest conversation about friendships: the fun parts, the messy parts, and what it looks like to stay healthy when relationships feel tense.
We talk about identity, communication, boundaries, cultural dynamics, and how to build friendships that last — not friendships that fracture.
— — — — — — — — — —
In this episode of Project Sisterhood, Chrissy sits down with Evie Rodriguez-Aleman for an honest conversation about friendships: the fun parts, the messy parts, and what it looks like to stay healthy when relationships feel tense.
We talk about identity, communication, boundaries, cultural dynamics, and how to build friendships that last — not friendships that fracture.
— — — — — — — — — —
If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend and leave a review — it helps more women find Project Sisterhood 💛
🎧 Listen to Project Sisterhood:
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/12Mzxkt8WDImuZJpu90b7N?si=a5208fcedd2c44f7
📲 Follow Project Sisterhood on Instagram:
Instagram: @projectsisterhood
⛪️ Project Church:
Website: https://projectchurch.com
— — — — — — — — — —
Creators and Guests
Host
Chrissy Cole
Chrissy’s parents moved to the U.S. from the Philippines in the late 70′s. She saw her parents both come to know the Lord at a young age. She and her family poured their lives into the local church and were changed by God. Chrissy attended Evangel University in Springfield, MO and earned a B.A. in Communications with an emphasis in Public Relations.
What is Project Sisterhood?
Project Sisterhood is a podcast for women who want to grow in faith, find healthy community, and become who God created them to be.
Hosted by Chrissy Cole and the Project Church Sisterhood team, each episode brings honest conversations and biblical encouragement centered on identity, belonging, spiritual maturity, healing, relationships, and purpose.
With a mix of humor, vulnerability, and real-life wisdom, Project Sisterhood creates space for women in every age and stage to feel seen, strengthened, and connected—because you were never meant to do life alone.
00;00;00;01 - 00;00;02;02
Speaker 1
It makes me think of the book. Have you ever read your best?
00;00;02;02 - 00;00;04;26
Speaker 2
Yes. I've read part of it. Yes, I have it.
00;00;04;26 - 00;00;06;09
Speaker 1
I have never read it.
00;00;06;09 - 00;00;16;26
Speaker 2
Okay, I think here's the thing. I lied. I have it in my bookcase, and I read like someone gifted to me as a sweet gift. It was, like, presented beautifully. I read, like, the first page and I was like, I'm good.
00;00;16;26 - 00;00;42;09
Speaker 1
This is a project sisterhood podcast for all things women. Whether you for purpose, for ministry, motherhood, or the marketplace, we have crucial and genuine conversations that transcend your season. Yet impact your true identity as a woman. From light hearted and laughable to honest, deep matters of the heart, your soul will be encouraged. We hope you and all women of every age and every stage, find life and freedom in Jesus.
00;00;42;12 - 00;01;04;23
Speaker 1
Welcome back to the Project Sisterhood Podcast. We're so glad that you're joining us, and I'm excited to introduce yet another one of my friends. I love introducing my friends of the sisterhood. My sisters are my friends. Become your friends. So, sisterhood, please welcome to the Project Sisterhood Podcast. Every element.
00;01;04;24 - 00;01;06;04
Speaker 2
Yes. Hi, guys.
00;01;06;07 - 00;01;08;08
Speaker 1
I almost said your maiden name.
00;01;08;08 - 00;01;10;07
Speaker 2
You could do it. It's technically hyphenated.
00;01;10;10 - 00;01;12;11
Speaker 1
Oh it is? Yes. Oh, you're a hyphenate.
00;01;12;11 - 00;01;13;09
Speaker 2
I am.
00;01;13;12 - 00;01;14;05
Speaker 1
I control.
00;01;14;05 - 00;01;14;25
Speaker 2
For us.
00;01;14;25 - 00;01;27;01
Speaker 1
Oh, you know what? I retain my last name, but because my second name, we don't hyphenate. We just put. Because my second name. Okay. Because you have, Latino. Well, tell me what you are.
00;01;27;01 - 00;01;29;06
Speaker 2
I'm Puerto Rican.
00;01;29;08 - 00;01;30;09
Speaker 1
I knew that.
00;01;30;11 - 00;01;32;03
Speaker 2
I just didn't want to be.
00;01;32;05 - 00;01;35;03
Speaker 1
Oh, my gosh, I almost want you to start over.
00;01;35;03 - 00;01;57;04
Speaker 2
But no bikini, I like this. Yeah. Okay. This feels like. Yeah. So we're. Yeah, I feel like we're keeping that. Yes. I am definitely Puerto Rican. Culturally, we keep our maiden names and we'll hyphenate. Or what we'll do is do what you did kind of with our kids. We'll give them the name. We'll put our maiden name as their middle, and then the last name as the spouse's last name.
00;01;57;11 - 00;01;59;14
Speaker 1
You know what? I did not pass that on to my children.
00;01;59;14 - 00;02;00;17
Speaker 2
Yeah, neither did I.
00;02;00;19 - 00;02;11;03
Speaker 1
Yeah. And you know, my parents, though, they're Filipino and Filipinos are from, Hispanic descent. Yes. And y'all colonized as well? The Spaniards.
00;02;11;03 - 00;02;12;03
Speaker 2
Did. Yeah. We got.
00;02;12;06 - 00;02;15;26
Speaker 1
To. Yeah, we all got colonized. Our little islands all got colonized.
00;02;15;28 - 00;02;16;15
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;02;16;17 - 00;02;33;20
Speaker 1
So anyways, they, I think, in their minds want to believe that we pass that on to them. So when they make Facebook posts about my children, they say, Kanan Dako. Oh, no, that's. We left it out 100%.
00;02;33;20 - 00;02;35;05
Speaker 2
My parents do the exact same.
00;02;35;05 - 00;02;36;11
Speaker 1
Oh, my gosh, I love it. Yeah.
00;02;36;11 - 00;02;57;03
Speaker 2
So he, my my dad teaches all of his grandchildren okay. That their last name is that so he'll say the spouse's last name. So they'll say your name is blank blank blank. Rodriguez. And the child at to grows up and tells people and I think either Liam or Landon went to school and they were like, this is my name, and presented them as a such.
00;02;57;03 - 00;02;57;22
Speaker 2
So it worked.
00;02;57;27 - 00;02;58;22
Speaker 1
Well. Yeah.
00;02;58;22 - 00;02;59;21
Speaker 2
They worked. Oh, way.
00;02;59;21 - 00;03;00;21
Speaker 1
To go, dad.
00;03;00;21 - 00;03;03;00
Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean, I see what he did and it worked. Yeah.
00;03;03;03 - 00;03;05;08
Speaker 1
That that's a way to really force keep it.
00;03;05;08 - 00;03;08;11
Speaker 2
Keep it going to culture. Keep it, keep it going.
00;03;08;14 - 00;03;27;22
Speaker 1
That's hilarious. Okay, I am so glad that you mentioned your boys names, because that's actually would you say that was the inception of our friendship? I would say so that our kids went to private school together totally. And then we when did we first meet? Was it from Charlie and your little guy? What? Tell me. Tell. Tell the people how many children you have.
00;03;27;22 - 00;03;43;23
Speaker 2
I have four kids, okay? I have two boys, a girl, and then a two year old boy. And yeah, our kids went to the same private school. And I want to say your youngest and my either oldest or second were in the same kinder.
00;03;43;27 - 00;03;46;03
Speaker 1
Yes, Miss Hellgren.
00;03;46;06 - 00;03;51;05
Speaker 2
Yeah. So, no. So it was pre I was it okay. Me was all right.
00;03;51;08 - 00;03;52;14
Speaker 1
Yes. Okay. I love her.
00;03;52;14 - 00;04;04;20
Speaker 2
But, they were in a class together and. Yeah, I think we met there and then I can't remember. I feel like we would like, see each other and be like, hey, you're hey. And we would like, interact that.
00;04;04;20 - 00;04;25;27
Speaker 1
Way, right? Yeah. I think that's how a lot of friendships start. Yeah. And I want people to not underestimate those little moments. Yeah. Where I think God is building something. Even in those little moments, and especially if you're lonely or if you feel like you need friends, or are you even looking for friends and you feel like the Lord hasn't blessed you with those friends yet?
00;04;25;29 - 00;04;27;28
Speaker 1
Those little moments are building moments.
00;04;28;01 - 00;04;53;29
Speaker 2
I feel like we underestimate community. Yeah, we want that to be a bigger word than it actually is, because community is literally whoever is that you are communing with and that could be your everyday life. And I feel like sometimes I meet people who are like, I just don't I don't have a community. And I'm thinking like, well, if your kids go to school and they do soccer and your daughter does ballet and you go to a church like there's your community, it's the people you interact.
00;04;53;29 - 00;04;54;25
Speaker 1
With so good.
00;04;54;27 - 00;04;56;22
Speaker 2
Like you can build on that.
00;04;56;25 - 00;05;16;08
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. There's always some something to build on because it's our, design. It's God's design for us to be in community. So we almost have to just, not make it bigger than it is. And, want the deep, deep Bible study. Yeah, I want the deep. Like, our families are so interconnected that we go on vacations together.
00;05;16;08 - 00;05;31;07
Speaker 1
That's so much pressure on friendships. And I feel like people are, Yeah, they're they're missing out on these small moments. But we did get intentional. Yeah. And then, we we decided to go to coffee together. Was it like 2020 was.
00;05;31;07 - 00;05;33;00
Speaker 2
A it was a long time ago.
00;05;33;02 - 00;05;34;05
Speaker 1
Yeah. Or 20 19th.
00;05;34;05 - 00;05;36;00
Speaker 2
May have been 2019. Yeah. Yeah.
00;05;36;04 - 00;05;41;07
Speaker 1
Yes. It was before Covid. And we talked and you were a part of our congregation.
00;05;41;07 - 00;06;07;08
Speaker 2
Yeah. So I as a pastor's kid. My husband and I, we were like let's take a minute because I, I've never, not been a part of my parents church. And in the Hispanic culture that's normal. That you like just kind of grow and you evolve and all of that, whatever that looks like. I went to college not far away so I still like wasn't fully involved, but I stayed connected for sure.
00;06;07;10 - 00;06;27;25
Speaker 2
And there just came a point where it was like, we need like I need like a minute. And we would go to like larger churches like Bayside and just sit at their conferences and be anonymous for a little bit. Like, that's really nice too. But like, we needed like a season where we weren't involved, where we got to sit, where it wasn't assumed the was assumed upon.
00;06;27;25 - 00;06;47;05
Speaker 2
You walk into a room, not everybody knew who you were and you could just drop off your kids, that kid's care, grab a good coffee and sit down. And I have to say, Sacramento has some great churches. And we were like, where is good for our season? We live like nine minutes away from here and even like the location your kids ministry is so amazing.
00;06;47;05 - 00;07;10;20
Speaker 2
But also seeing like youth speaking was a huge part of that because I love how your husband speaks. But a female preacher is super rare, especially one that's consistently on stage. You'll see, like churches be like, we have women preachers and that happens like once a year at their women's event and like, and I'm like, well, what about your Sunday?
00;07;10;20 - 00;07;15;27
Speaker 2
Right. Yeah. And so like project offered that and I really that that was really one of the big draws for us.
00;07;15;27 - 00;07;19;12
Speaker 1
Oh I don't think I actually knew that. But yeah. That's so great to hear.
00;07;19;12 - 00;07;24;05
Speaker 2
This is a good space to do it. Recorded. Yes. Feels genuine.
00;07;24;07 - 00;07;29;02
Speaker 1
Oh no I love that. But I did love our families. Got to interact during that season of.
00;07;29;04 - 00;07;31;28
Speaker 2
Mila for love with Charlie. She thought she was the coolest.
00;07;31;28 - 00;07;37;26
Speaker 1
Oh, I love that. And your children. By the way, ours are our models. All of them. Our little czar.
00;07;37;26 - 00;07;39;03
Speaker 2
We feel the same about your children.
00;07;39;03 - 00;07;39;24
Speaker 1
Oh my gosh.
00;07;39;24 - 00;07;42;10
Speaker 2
You're like, what are the girls wearing? Perfect.
00;07;42;10 - 00;07;56;26
Speaker 1
Okay, listen, we, on Project Sisterhood podcast. Like to love fest. Like, I just want to, like, pour out my love on you, so. Okay. These are, all the thoughts that I've ever had about you that, I mean, I've told you, which is, I love the way you.
00;07;56;26 - 00;08;02;18
Speaker 2
Dress your children, and that is such a compliment. It's not you. That is a compliment. I will take.
00;08;02;18 - 00;08;22;06
Speaker 1
It. Yes. And then I've loved the strength that I've learned about that. That's in you. Thank you. And it was very much separate from your family. Although I always honored your family. So, if you didn't. And now, Eve has, some giants in the faith currently that are her parents.
00;08;22;08 - 00;08;22;17
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;08;22;17 - 00;08;45;02
Speaker 1
And, just leading a fabulous church. Sammy Rodriguez. Yeah. In case people know. Yeah. And that. But but I got to know you. Apart from that. Yeah. But I think something that we always connected on was the fact that there's this big, giant of the faith in the Sacramento region in your family. But I married into one of those.
00;08;45;02 - 00;08;46;07
Speaker 2
Yes.
00;08;46;09 - 00;08;57;12
Speaker 1
Giants of the faith, in the core family. And it was so interesting that even that similarity, brought us lots of commonality. And it was so great. Like, are.
00;08;57;12 - 00;09;01;13
Speaker 2
You do you feel. I do feel the same. Yeah, a lot of that.
00;09;01;15 - 00;09;15;15
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. I loved all of our interactions, just even after church and getting to see each other and being like, hey, I see you, I see you. Yeah. But then no extra pressure to be anything deeper. Yeah. Because sometimes you can force. If we're talking about community, I don't even think we're going to, but I do.
00;09;15;15 - 00;09;42;05
Speaker 1
Sometimes we try to force community, and we actually set ourselves up for disappointment. And so I've so appreciated you not putting extra pressure. Yeah. I so appreciate you also still seeing me. I always felt seen by you. Love that you got to speak to our sisterhood. Yeah. One time. That was beautiful. But then it was like years later, after you transition back to your family's church, years later, we end up at an event.
00;09;42;05 - 00;09;43;09
Speaker 2
Can I share that story?
00;09;43;09 - 00;09;43;28
Speaker 1
Yes, please.
00;09;43;28 - 00;09;51;07
Speaker 2
Okay, so I get invited to we Get invited. So, like I was telling you, I'm in a season of.
00;09;51;07 - 00;09;52;26
Speaker 1
Yes, yes, I'm no.
00;09;52;26 - 00;10;17;12
Speaker 2
Like, I taught high school for a while. I have four kids and for the most part, the jobs I do have our home. So I'm a teaching pastor at the church. I help run a mental health initiative for the Spanish church in America. Beautiful. And, do photography. But there's this weird, not weird. The Lord's like setting up these situations where I feel like he's just like, say yes to like, doors that open.
00;10;17;12 - 00;10;22;25
Speaker 2
Yes. Including like this. So, like, just say yes to say yes. So that one of them was. Can you say what it was?
00;10;22;27 - 00;10;24;22
Speaker 1
Yeah, I think so I think so okay.
00;10;24;24 - 00;10;43;22
Speaker 2
So empower 21 which is an organization of evangelical churches and people, if you are spirit filled, you believe in the Lord. You believe in the move of the Holy Spirit. You're invited to come in. Those are the only stipulations. And they do like, gatherings. They do connect things. It's a collaborative effort to connect the church, and they do a fantastic job at it.
00;10;43;23 - 00;11;01;17
Speaker 2
Beautiful. Well, we were invited to the women sector of that that's run by Christine came. And when I got the email, I was like, what's happening? Yeah, yeah, because I felt like this was for it was very much invite only. These are for women who are making it impact or waves wherever they're at. And I felt like I didn't qualify for that.
00;11;01;20 - 00;11;02;12
Speaker 1
Oh.
00;11;02;14 - 00;11;10;25
Speaker 2
So when I saw the email, I was like, do do I say yes? I immediately thought of like, what do I wear? Like, these are women who are doing the thing.
00;11;10;25 - 00;11;11;12
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;11;11;14 - 00;11;24;17
Speaker 2
And I said yes, because the Lord told me to say yes. So like, okay, let's go. And I'm like, I'm not going to let anybody. I walk into this giant room and immediately are seeing women that I admire. And we could talk about those specific ones.
00;11;24;17 - 00;11;28;22
Speaker 1
But the fangirl moment I fangirl hard.
00;11;28;24 - 00;11;46;00
Speaker 2
There's tons of women we admire and I'm an introvert and she's an extrovert, which works in our dynamic because I'll let her talk and I'll just sit there, wave. But, I like they sit you in anonymous tables and the whole point is collaboration. And they want you to meet other women who are doing great things.
00;11;46;03 - 00;12;10;12
Speaker 2
So that's the whole thing. So I'm in a table with anonymous women, and I sit in the moment, I sit down, I look across the table and there's crazy cool. And like, I literally like, did it like a, my body did like a physical sigh, like, you know, somebody and then like you at some point you look over and you're like, double take like, what is happening?
00;12;10;15 - 00;12;27;26
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was such a sweet moment. And I feel like that even deepened us. Not just friendship, but even purpose. Yeah. And ministry. And I think each of us, I think I've always seen God's hand on each other's lives. So. Yeah, I'm just excited to see where that goes. But I really want to dive into.
00;12;27;27 - 00;12;38;00
Speaker 1
Yeah, a little bit of your yes season. Yeah. You're telling me about it. Can you share a little bit more about what a yes season looks like? It makes me think of the book. Have you ever read your best? Yes.
00;12;38;03 - 00;12;40;03
Speaker 2
I've read part of it. Yeah, I have it.
00;12;40;03 - 00;12;41;14
Speaker 1
I, I had never read it.
00;12;41;17 - 00;12;54;26
Speaker 2
Okay. I'm like, here's the thing, I lied. I have it in my bookcase and I read like someone gifted to me as a sweet gift. It was like, presented beautifully. I read, like, the first page and I was like, I'm good. Yes, I struggle with reading self-help.
00;12;54;28 - 00;12;55;23
Speaker 1
Okay. Got it.
00;12;55;23 - 00;13;00;17
Speaker 2
Even spiritual ones. Okay. And that's like, I probably shouldn't say that because. Yeah, yeah.
00;13;00;19 - 00;13;01;28
Speaker 1
But I asked her what?
00;13;01;28 - 00;13;10;00
Speaker 2
Yeah. Like, it's, I like devos, I love podcasts. Okay, so give me your book content in podcast form.
00;13;10;08 - 00;13;11;16
Speaker 1
Wonderful. Okay. Sure.
00;13;11;16 - 00;13;23;03
Speaker 2
Like it may be a mom thing to like to just say it. Like, if I'm going to sit and be alone with the Lord, I'm going to read scripture, I'm going to hear a podcast, I'm going to worship, but I'm not going to read someone else's journey of what the Lord did like.
00;13;23;03 - 00;13;23;17
Speaker 1
Got it.
00;13;23;17 - 00;13;29;25
Speaker 2
That's more like, I want to hear it quickly. Go to your conference, hear you say it live. But like the book, I struggle. Okay.
00;13;29;25 - 00;13;46;21
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah, it might be. Also, could it be the way you learn? Could be. And it could be the season two. It could be. So I, I love to read. Yeah. I'm visual. I'm not audible, but I actually read books and have the audible playing at the same time because I also feel like I'm in a distracted.
00;13;46;21 - 00;14;08;08
Speaker 1
Yeah, we are all in a distracted world. Yeah. And so I feel like I can't always focus with the children, with responsibility. So I have to activate all senses, touch the book, see the book, listen to the book. Yeah. So anyways, but I digress. Yeah, let's talk about the best. Yeah. The best days I have that neither of us have read that book.
00;14;08;08 - 00;14;17;12
Speaker 2
Yeah. So we're not. But I'm sure it's a great book. Yeah, I'm sure it's fantastic. They sponsor this podcast today. It's a great book.
00;14;17;15 - 00;14;18;18
Speaker 1
Okay, so tell me more.
00;14;18;18 - 00;14;20;09
Speaker 2
She might have been in power 21. We like.
00;14;20;11 - 00;14;21;21
Speaker 1
Yeah she's actually I think she.
00;14;21;25 - 00;14;24;12
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. So, tell.
00;14;24;12 - 00;14;26;02
Speaker 1
Me about what yes is looking like.
00;14;26;02 - 00;14;45;14
Speaker 2
Yeah. So, like, coming out of teaching, I got my master's degree in educational leadership. I fully thought I was going to be only in education for a very long time. And, well, in 2020, I got Covid like everybody else did. But I was in the ICU for eight days.
00;14;45;19 - 00;14;46;00
Speaker 1
Oh my.
00;14;46;00 - 00;15;03;11
Speaker 2
And, parents and husband were informed to prepare for the worst to start making arrangements. They called dad and husband said, you can begin to make arrangements like we don't know. So I was in a induced coma for six days in on high flow on the ventilator.
00;15;03;11 - 00;15;03;27
Speaker 1
What in the.
00;15;03;27 - 00;15;06;02
Speaker 2
World? Yes. And.
00;15;06;02 - 00;15;07;04
Speaker 1
I knew all these details.
00;15;07;05 - 00;15;28;19
Speaker 2
Maybe not. You know, I haven't talked about it much. Yeah. But. And for no reason other other than I have just haven't talked about it. But from that, that started a trajectory in my life where I felt like the Lord saved me. And I remember laying on the bed and and just saying, like, I want to make sure if I'm alive, I'm living well and I want to live honestly and truthfully.
00;15;28;26 - 00;15;46;12
Speaker 2
And that meant for me, confronting things like even in my own life, like how I handle things, traumas in my own life, things I've kind of like swept under the rug because I felt like there was no time. Yeah. Like, Lord, like we can go at any second. And what a disservice it would be to not fully live while we're here.
00;15;46;12 - 00;15;46;27
Speaker 1
Yes.
00;15;46;28 - 00;16;08;20
Speaker 2
So I began therapy. I've had hard conversations. I worked on my marriage. I worked on myself, which like led to a bunch of things like resting. Yeah, like I project church. And, for me going to say I would be consistently in that season and, figuring out what I wanted to do and how to love completely and like, what were my yeses.
00;16;08;20 - 00;16;31;09
Speaker 2
Right. And anyways, that snowballed. And I just kind of have that perspective now. And when I took on teaching out of high school, it was such a sweet season. I know some people I like high school, like I loved it like those I because I worked at a private school, it was more like mentorship. And I taught a subject I wasn't qualified to teach.
00;16;31;13 - 00;16;42;02
Speaker 2
So it very much was about mentorship because I had very much little left to talk about. Yeah. So I'm still close, actually. We ran into each other at a coffee shop when I was meeting up with one of my girls.
00;16;42;02 - 00;16;43;05
Speaker 1
Yes, that was beautiful.
00;16;43;05 - 00;16;44;26
Speaker 2
We run into each other all the time.
00;16;44;26 - 00;16;48;22
Speaker 1
Yes, I love it. And we live really close to each other. We do. I love that.
00;16;48;24 - 00;17;02;16
Speaker 2
And in our in our defense, we do. But yeah. So, when I stopped teaching high school, I, I had a baby, I was postpartum, my husband got hit by a semi, but I was eight weeks postpartum.
00;17;02;16 - 00;17;03;00
Speaker 1
Gosh.
00;17;03;04 - 00;17;23;23
Speaker 2
And all of that. Like, I wasn't able to recover. Like, my brain couldn't recover, even physically, like I am in the process now of, like, gaining my body back, my brain back. And I chalk it up like I say, it was postpartum depression, but I just feel like it was just postpartum mixed with much. Yeah, like carrying the load.
00;17;23;23 - 00;17;39;20
Speaker 2
My husband was in the academy while I was eight months pregnant on low iron, teaching full time with my three kids and then like baby and then accident and then like I felt like I have a a friend of mine that I worked with. And I would tell her, like, I feel like I need like a minute, like, don't you just feel like a minute?
00;17;39;22 - 00;18;00;06
Speaker 2
Like for real? Like the burden that I feel right now. Just give me, like, a minute. Give me a day or two or just breathe. And what that really was was my body being, like, completely exhausted and, like, depleted. So all of that snowballed. I ended up talk to my husband. I was like, I think I need a minute for I'm not working at the school.
00;18;00;08 - 00;18;23;13
Speaker 2
Like, you know, the Lord kept opening doors. And so finances came in and that was able to work out. Yeah. But in that I did feel like this next part of life where I'm done having kids, which is a big thing for me because I loved being pregnant and I loved having babies. When I'm done doing that and I feel so whole in my relationships with everybody, I feel so at peace at where I'm serving at church.
00;18;23;13 - 00;18;50;01
Speaker 2
I feel at peace with my family. I feel like peace in my marriage and and who I am as a person. Yes. Like, what do I do with this peace? And I just felt God say like, just start saying yes to things because there is like a with being the daughter of somebody who is known for being an evangelist and even like all the spheres that he breathes into and walks into, there are opportunities that come up just for the sake of being the daughter.
00;18;50;03 - 00;19;20;08
Speaker 2
Yes, that, like in the before me, would have been like, no, that's like entitlement like. Now me, I am so honored and proud to walk in steps that were laid before me. Like, I can't wait to do that and represent who I, where I come from. Yeah. Which is a whole different perspective. Yeah. And so yeah, just started saying yes to random things like the empower 21 thing and now I'm in rooms and I know people and I'm associated with people in power.
00;19;20;08 - 00;19;40;04
Speaker 2
21 reached out and we're like, hey, can you represent us a step further? And I was like, sounds good, let's go do that. There are a lot of like, opportunities both outward and like private. We're like, do you want to do that? Yes. Like yes yes, yes. So it's been really, really fruitful. And I actually shared on this two Sundays ago.
00;19;40;04 - 00;19;59;27
Speaker 2
But it's really odd to be in a season where when other people are in a season of yes, and when things are growing, you almost feel like you have to dim the season you're in when it's good, because it's a lot easier to preach about how bad things are going, the Lord will come and rescue. I know you know you're burdened and that.
00;19;59;28 - 00;20;17;03
Speaker 2
But like, that's not all the time. And like when I like refer right now where I feel like things are fruitful and I know because of life that it will always be this way. But right now, in this season, the work that was put in is now coming to light and there's like fruit from it. It's a really good time.
00;20;17;06 - 00;20;36;16
Speaker 2
And in the beginning I almost felt like I had a dim that down to not offend others who weren't in their season yet. And like the Lord, how to just be like, what are you doing? Right? Like the work? Like maybe they'll comment and maybe they'll say, but they don't know the work and they don't know what you sowed and they don't know, like what you had a pool.
00;20;36;16 - 00;20;57;16
Speaker 2
Like where do you how to come out of that. Right. Okay. Like visual learning, maybe it is a visual thing. Like like I'm clawing myself out of this thing. Yes. And I'm breathing. It feels good. Yeah. For so long, it didn't feel good. And. And. Yeah. Like Jim lowing lowering yourself, dimming yourself for the sake of not of not offending.
00;20;57;19 - 00;21;14;10
Speaker 2
Is so dishonoring to what the Lord has done. And so like what I'm doing now is just trying to like whatever I'm doing is like look how God like, look how good God is. Like, look at the glory that God has through this. And like, how can I be better in this? And so that's kind of where I'm at.
00;21;14;15 - 00;21;32;29
Speaker 1
So would you say that you saying yes is a result of, seeing where God has brought you from? Is it like, response to him? Is it just or is it it's this is how I'm going to keep on moving forward. This is a step of faith. What is how would you define your.
00;21;32;29 - 00;21;39;14
Speaker 2
Yes, I would say is coming from a place of I feel strong enough to say yes.
00;21;39;15 - 00;21;40;20
Speaker 1
Oh, okay. Wow.
00;21;40;20 - 00;22;05;13
Speaker 2
Whereas, like, there is an unhealthy reality of what this is that would have found excuses to say no. So I feel like it's like it's, it's for me it's all about capacity. So like in motherhood when you have children you have your capacity starts to dwindle. Right. And as a pastor your capacity to like what do you have capacity for like even with girl friendships.
00;22;05;13 - 00;22;23;18
Speaker 2
That's like the thing in like talking about community. Absolutely. I am still at 34 figuring out as a pastor's kid now as like a pastor and leading in spaces. Not everyone has the same capacity in every season, and it does shift in season.
00;22;23;18 - 00;22;25;14
Speaker 1
Yes.
00;22;25;16 - 00;22;28;23
Speaker 2
So that's like a big thing for me. So right now I have capacity to say yes.
00;22;28;23 - 00;22;29;05
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;22;29;05 - 00;22;50;14
Speaker 2
Like I feel like I've done the work to clean up this stuff so that there's space. Yeah. To fill it in with like the good things and the yes things. Whereas before with newborns, with nursing, with things that were, I mean, a bunch of the word unrequited, you know, like things that aren't yet revealed, like things you're holding on to that hasn't been exposed.
00;22;50;17 - 00;23;08;00
Speaker 2
I feel like there was in the capacity to say that. Yes. Yeah. And I feel like now that those things are kind of like dug up and I know who I am and I know who I am, and I know why I'm doing this. And just like as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a leader, like, I'm pretty sure of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.
00;23;08;06 - 00;23;14;22
Speaker 2
That leaves so much room for activities. Yes. Like there's so much, yes that can happen now from being in that space.
00;23;14;22 - 00;24;02;08
Speaker 1
I'm saying yes so much. And I'm not trying to be that annoying podcast person who's like, yes, yes, yes. But I really I'm saying yes, because what you're saying about capacity is that sometimes in order to build capacity, you have to restrain in the right seasons. And I think restraints, anonymity, even in your case, being a part of a family that's very much in the spotlight, like globally, I, I feel like you've done a great job of stewarding your life, prioritizing your family, prioritizing your marriage, prioritizing any, rifts in your, you know, greater family, like, because you did that privately and you didn't exploit sometimes ministers, leaders, we exploit the things that we
00;24;02;08 - 00;24;24;05
Speaker 1
are going through as a lesson and a teaching moment for other people. But sometimes we have to wait and allow God to really do the work in us. So we can speak out of a place of victory. Not to say that you weren't being vulnerable. Yeah, you're being vulnerable with the right people. Right. So I feel like this restraint has given you the ability to grow and capacity.
00;24;24;05 - 00;24;46;10
Speaker 1
And I think that we are meant to, have more capacity. And it's not in a way of achieving, but it's in the way of saying yes to the right things, because God has always built us to do more than we can do in our own strength. Yeah. So it doesn't mean doing more. It doesn't mean filling your calendar.
00;24;46;10 - 00;25;21;09
Speaker 1
It means doing more. And the purpose that he has for you is going to give him glory. And the weight of that glory is sometimes really heavy. But God wants you to carry it because he wants his glory. Yeah. So I guess I just think that it's so important. I love the book anonymous. Alicia, virtually. I recommend it to everybody, but I just feel like what I've seen in your life is this pull back, this anonymity, this restraint, allowing God to do something in you, heal you, prepare you so that you could carry this greater glory for him.
00;25;21;09 - 00;25;26;09
Speaker 1
Yeah. It's just this beautiful expanding of your capacity.
00;25;26;12 - 00;25;47;06
Speaker 2
Yeah. I think, having the view that I have, I've seen a lot of ways this could go, and the whole, like, church hurt thing. I have an issue with it because I feel like I can't even talk about it without first addressing how I've contributed to the hurt. And I feel like I don't hear enough people say that.
00;25;47;06 - 00;26;04;24
Speaker 2
So they'll lead a conversation with, like, this is how why I'm hurt or why this and why that. And I'm like, I would love for the conversation to start with. Like, here's what I did. Here's how I contributed. Well, I'm not dismissing anything. I'm not dismissing your trauma. That's not what I'm doing. But there is like other there is it?
00;26;04;24 - 00;26;32;10
Speaker 2
The conversation shifts when there's ownership in the room, of like, here's what how I contributed, here's what I did, here's how I pivoted, here's how I adjusted. And, and even with the whole like, capacity thing, like you were saying, when, when I, I, like, did this leadership thing and I just, I liked people were sharing things and I said, here's the thing, because they were talking about the burden of, of volunteering at a church, right?
00;26;32;10 - 00;26;51;03
Speaker 2
Because all the churches need more volunteers, project church needs. If you are involved in kids care in any way and you can be background checked, they need people in kinsman new season as well. Every single church, probably not Bayside, but every other church. We need volunteers. Thank you. Oh my gosh, this is.
00;26;51;04 - 00;26;52;08
Speaker 1
Gonna be the best clip of this.
00;26;52;08 - 00;27;17;24
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's. No, it's, but it there is a difference is a shift that happens when there are people who get to do things because they can and that includes volunteer. So that includes being a friend when you when you get to serve at your church, because you get to serve at a church, not because you feel inclined, pushed, or like it's a checklist, but like it's comes out of overflow.
00;27;17;24 - 00;27;34;14
Speaker 2
Like I not only do have the capacity in the space, I am so full of what the Lord is doing. I get to serve at my church. And it's the same thing with girl friendships. Like I get to be your friend out of overflow. Not because I need you to fulfill anything, and not because I need you to occupy X amount of space.
00;27;34;20 - 00;27;45;18
Speaker 2
But I get to like, I get the privilege of being in your space in this time, at this capacity, and it changes the way you handle things when you come, when you flow and you act out of that.
00;27;45;25 - 00;27;47;09
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;27;47;12 - 00;27;48;26
Speaker 1
Yeah. We have to be filled up first.
00;27;48;26 - 00;28;10;19
Speaker 2
And we have to be emptied out of the stuff and, yeah, filled in with the good. Yeah. And like that way you have enough to, like, pour out and to the pastor in the room to the ministry lead in the room. There is a distinction between girlfriends and a friend from church.
00;28;10;21 - 00;28;11;09
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;28;11;11 - 00;28;35;13
Speaker 2
And I, whenever I talk to friends like this, who they run their own thing and a lot more often they're not, they're lonely. And they the conversation of like how do you get female friendships in the spaces you're in for me what's worked for me is that is the distinction of people you lead and people you grow with your sight of.
00;28;35;16 - 00;29;00;28
Speaker 2
And there is a distinction. And when the lines get blurred there, that's when there's like a bit of an issue. Because then when the humanity comes out, what you've now done is torn down, not only a friend, but something when someone you were mentoring. Yeah. And then that's rough. But I healed a friend, has healed friends and knows which season, which capacity to fill in each email.
00;29;01;02 - 00;29;24;06
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. Oh that's so good. Female friendships do get tricky. I just read this quote by Daniel Danielle Bear Jackson. She wrote a book fighting for friendships. I've recommended it here before it. It's a brilliant book. And she's a researcher. She's an actual friendship coach. I'm actually left another field that she would call more serious to other people.
00;29;24;06 - 00;29;47;13
Speaker 1
Yeah, like, help them understand mental health and all that stuff. She's like, well, I think I need to be a friendship coach. So she says that, if you have, you go with two months without seeing a friend in person, that the closeness level decreases by 30%. If you go six months without seeing a friend. Yeah, that closeness diminishes by 80%.
00;29;47;20 - 00;30;02;04
Speaker 1
So intentionality in face to face time, seeing one another is huge. And in our case, we text a lot of intentions. Yeah. And sometimes, yeah, it doesn't work. But even just knowing that you reached out, we reached out and we tried. Yeah. Is enough for us.
00;30;02;06 - 00;30;15;10
Speaker 2
Right. Was it I was gonna say when you're in motherhood. I feel like that may work the whole three months six month thing. And I see a value in it. Of course. Yes. But that may work when you're single or posts or kids are at school.
00;30;15;10 - 00;30;15;25
Speaker 1
Yes.
00;30;15;25 - 00;30;21;23
Speaker 2
But in motherhood for me like the way a girlfriend says like I'm alive. Are you alive? Is that.
00;30;21;23 - 00;30;22;25
Speaker 1
Yes. That's you.
00;30;22;26 - 00;30;36;06
Speaker 2
I get texts or like, I have a really solid community where it's like, we'll get five, $5 for coffee today or like, thought of you $10 for this. Or they'll see that I'm like, on a date night, like, here's this for apps like.
00;30;36;06 - 00;30;36;15
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;30;36;15 - 00;30;42;25
Speaker 2
Or it's just like the intention, like, I'll see you even if it's not physically seen, but same. Yeah. What?
00;30;42;27 - 00;31;14;01
Speaker 1
She also goes on to say that 30 ages 3544 are where people lose most friendships because they're aren't able. They don't have the capacity, yeah, to pour into them. So all the more reason to be intentional. However, I think what you're talking about, yeah, is not just intentionality with, friendships in general, but identifying and delineating what friendships, in a way, compartmentalizing totally and identifying that some people, yeah, some friendships have different goals and other friendships.
00;31;14;01 - 00;31;31;26
Speaker 1
Totally. And in the case of ministry, in the case of leadership in the marketplace or in the case of motherhood, in whatever you're walking in, there's different friends that you need at different times one and which ones are which and which deserve your time, which what, what?
00;31;31;26 - 00;31;36;08
Speaker 2
And if she can't handle being compartmentalize. She's not meant to be there.
00;31;36;08 - 00;31;38;27
Speaker 1
Yeah. That's a good word.
00;31;38;27 - 00;31;52;20
Speaker 2
Just like if they can't handle the space, the boundary then that they were wanting that friendship to receive something that you no longer have the capacity to give out. Yeah. And then that's when the insecurities are coming in.
00;31;52;22 - 00;32;15;17
Speaker 1
On the flip side of that I've been in relationships where on both sides actually I just had I did not think I would talk about this. But we're talking about friendships. Are we getting serious here. Love this. So, I had, a month of two friends letting me know that, I was not fulfilling, expectations.
00;32;15;17 - 00;32;20;29
Speaker 1
And I want you to know that I. They aren't needy friends.
00;32;21;06 - 00;32;21;23
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;32;21;25 - 00;32;42;23
Speaker 1
They were honest friends. Yeah. And they shared that with me and love. And then I had another friend where I felt like I was not receiving reciprocal love from that friendship. Yeah. And I was like. It was sad. It was so weighty. Yeah. For I, it was like boom, boom, boom, like, hey, I want to meet here with me.
00;32;42;23 - 00;32;44;12
Speaker 1
And I'm like, hey, I need to meet.
00;32;44;19 - 00;32;45;04
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;32;45;07 - 00;33;10;21
Speaker 1
It was crazy. But I just think that there's when we do friendships well, it unlocks something in the kingdom and when we can share honestly in our relationships what our needs are. Yeah, what our expectations are. Or on the other side, flip side, our boundaries are and have to be in our realistic capacity. Oh my gosh. When we can do that and and remove offense and forgive quickly.
00;33;10;24 - 00;33;38;04
Speaker 1
Oh wow. Unity is built. Yeah. The presence of God dwells. Peace is restored. It was a hard and weighty season. Yeah. But again I was I talking about this with you just now. Like the weight. Yeah. Of what God wants to the weights of these circumstances are just an opportunity for his glory. Yeah. To remove that weight and he becomes glorified.
00;33;38;04 - 00;33;43;26
Speaker 1
Yeah. But yeah, it was a hard month. The friendship month. Yeah, that was really vulnerable. I'm not sure if.
00;33;43;26 - 00;33;48;21
Speaker 2
I want that to go. How I can share vulnerable to you. And then we can decide it.
00;33;48;21 - 00;33;48;26
Speaker 1
Okay.
00;33;48;27 - 00;34;17;23
Speaker 2
Because so I feel like in my life I've been asked like, you know, is it like, based off your life circumstances, is your view of female friendship skewed in any way? And God's been so gracious in the women I have in my life, like to this day. I just went to I went out to dinner with my high school best friends and, my college ones, like we check in at like they don't live here anymore, but we check in on each other and childhood from church friend.
00;34;17;23 - 00;34;53;25
Speaker 2
We see each other at least twice a year. So I've had like, rich, deep, well, like ministry friends that I'm still friends with. They're now pastoring, which is so cool, but like deep wells. But that doesn't mean I've done things right. And it's wild when you it's almost like, I, I said this on Instagram, but what I was this came from seeing an old friend whose friendship ended poorly, which was it was a it ended poorly for both like I messed up to.
00;34;53;28 - 00;35;11;16
Speaker 2
And I didn't handle it the way I should have. And I wasn't like a healed person when I was in the relational dynamic. And I thought to my like, when I see these women that I'm no longer friends with, but that I love, that I loved you intimately. That sounded weird. But you know what I mean.
00;35;11;16 - 00;35;35;14
Speaker 2
Like vulnerably. Yeah I loved them vulnerably. Yes and I will. And there is like it's okay to still cheer them on even from the other room. And I had a woman, I had a friend say that to me, a friend who, like is like one of those soul friends that like, in another life, we would have been best friends, but just live life circumstances we can't be.
00;35;35;17 - 00;35;59;25
Speaker 2
And she shared that with me, and that stuck with me and I. I think about it constantly where she's like, like, just so you know, I will always be in the other room cheering you on so loud. And I'm like, there's so many women that I know that we ended our relationship, but not now. There's some women that in your 30s, it's weird, like you have these deep wells and then sometimes they just disappear like we are.
00;35;59;25 - 00;36;09;13
Speaker 2
We not okay. Because I because I think it's that like when you're not seeing them face to face or when you have a culture of like, we don't get to see each other all the time, you just assume everything's great.
00;36;09;14 - 00;36;10;00
Speaker 1
Yeah.
00;36;10;02 - 00;36;28;22
Speaker 2
And I and there's like a lack of communication, then you're in your 30s and then, you know all of that. But the ones that where you've messed up too, and it's not the space to apologize anymore like that. We're not living there. Like we're not going to, like, dig that up. Like there's none of that. But like, I would I can be doing is very much cheering you on.
00;36;28;22 - 00;36;47;20
Speaker 2
Yeah. And like, when I see you when like be happy for your when the same way would have been if I was actively in your life. And I feel like that's helped me, kind of like restore the years of friendship. I felt like I lost because of how things end. Does that make sense?
00;36;47;20 - 00;37;01;08
Speaker 1
Yeah, absolutely. That's beautiful. I think that there's such what you're talking about is restoration and what the restoration can look like. Yeah. And it feels much more peaceful. But does it mean that the relationship has to be what it was before?
00;37;01;08 - 00;37;10;07
Speaker 2
That's okay. Can we talk about that for a minute? Like restoration of forgiveness does not mean full access and it does not even mean relationship. And that's huge.
00;37;10;07 - 00;37;23;29
Speaker 1
It's huge. It's also breaks my heart. Yes. And so it breaks my heart. It makes me I've had so much sadness. And such great joy when it has come to some of my female friendships.
00;37;24;01 - 00;37;29;01
Speaker 2
And grieving a girlfriend is like grieving. It's sometimes felt worse than a breakup.
00;37;29;03 - 00;37;55;09
Speaker 1
100%. Yes. And and that author actually talks about how, people and men and women will view women. Friendships are so fragile and almost, pointing to the weakness. And as I go, I don't think it's the weakness in us. And she says this, it's our ability to get so deep and vulnerable. So once something breaks, it's not that it's fragile, it's just that so much trust.
00;37;55;09 - 00;38;00;20
Speaker 1
Yes, was given and it can that easily be broken if you went that deep totally.
00;38;00;22 - 00;38;01;08
Speaker 2
So okay.
00;38;01;09 - 00;38;07;27
Speaker 1
Yeah. I mean, I think I could talk to you forever, Evie, and I'm so glad that we did our date.
00;38;07;29 - 00;38;08;13
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;38;08;13 - 00;38;33;03
Speaker 1
In front of the cameras, because this is like, it where I 100% know that we would have. Yeah. And private. But, yeah, I appreciate our friendship. I love our friendship. And I believe that all the things that you are going to do in this next season, yeah, are going to be fruitful because of the way that you have sowed faithfully and allowed God to do the deep, deep healing work in you.
00;38;33;06 - 00;38;37;27
Speaker 1
So I can't wait to see the fruit in your life. And I am that friend in the other room.
00;38;37;27 - 00;38;38;14
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00;38;38;17 - 00;38;39;13
Speaker 1
Cheering you on.
00;38;39;13 - 00;38;40;09
Speaker 2
Totally same.
00;38;40;09 - 00;38;45;22
Speaker 1
Always same. And then I'll probably have you speak out stuff. Yeah. And probably have me back on the podcast. So we'll.
00;38;45;22 - 00;38;47;06
Speaker 2
Probably run into each other at a coffee.
00;38;47;06 - 00;38;53;12
Speaker 1
Shop and the kids will probably want to hang out if they end. Yeah, at the same school, because that could happen too. Hey, we could talk about that.
00;38;53;17 - 00;38;54;00
Speaker 2
Later.
00;38;54;02 - 00;39;04;25
Speaker 1
In private off. But thank you so much for being here. I love you so much, Evie, and I'm proud of all that you're doing. And thank you for being a leader in the city. Yeah, I love you.
00;39;04;25 - 00;39;06;23
Speaker 2
I love you, too. Okay. Thanks for.
00;39;06;23 - 00;39;27;26
Speaker 1
Having me. That was such a great episode. I hope that you were able to grab some nuggets there. I think we had another book recommendation. So, we will see you on the next sisterhood podcast. Make sure that you subscribe. Follow us on Instagram and let us know if there's any other topics that you want to talk about, but stay cool.
00;39;27;26 - 00;39;31;05
Speaker 1
Writing sisterhood. This is my Asian heart for you.