Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
South Asian / Desi dads in their 40s stumble through fatherhood, midlife, and cultural chaos — with laughs along the way.
Welcome to NaanSense! 🎙️ A podcast where dads in their 40s share the funny, messy, and real side of parenting, culture, and aging.
We overthink, overshare, and make each other laugh… usually by accident. It’s equal parts wisdom and NaanSense! 🙏🤪
What you’ll hear:
--> Honest convos about fatherhood & parenting in your 40s 👨👧👦
--> Real talk on South Asian / Desi culture, identity & family life 🌏
--> Midlife curveballs — health, aging, and everything in between 🎂
--> Humor, storytelling, and the chaos of being dads 😂
📅 New episodes weekly-ish — humor and fun semi-guaranteed.
My son has this kind of a gag reflex. He farted one time and he smells his own fart and threw up. I was just like, "What is going on?" It's a nut. [Music]
Hello everyone. Welcome to NaanSense! I'm your host Ahmed Mirza. I'm really excited for today's show and I'm joined by my favorite co-hosts Sajid and Emad, also known as Twiddle D and Twiddle Dump. As you know about nonsense, it's a place for dads to be dads. We bring a South Asian flavor on things and we try to make each other laugh, but sometimes we kind of suck at it. But anyway, follow along and stumble through. So, uh, for today, I want to talk about the joy of raising kids. I know we've typically use this show as a way to channel our frustrations, our anger, our sort of, you know, all the in between moments uh, that sort of leave things less than desirable. But I want to talk about the joy of raising kids. Some of the small moments, you know, the big lessons, the sort of chaos that makes it all worth it. Uh, and you know, the overarching question being, when does having kids stop feeling like an actual like responsibility and when does it feel like joy? I have a question for you guys. When did you know you wanted to be a dad? That's a good question. I think it was for me when my wife said, "We should have kids." I was like, "Oh, yeah. Let's have let's uh let's go. Not a single independent thought. I love it. I love this. But it's a good question though. Like I do feel like I don't know. Were both of both of you in the same page with your spouses when you were deciding because Zurish and I both started off with we don't want to have kids and then Wow. Yeah. Then one day that changed. Is that like she saw you and she's like I don't think this is going to happen. He's asking uh I don't know if she'll want me to tell this story. So, but I I'll share it anyway. That's always a good way. That's always a good reason to jump into a story. Too late now. Sorry. Like this. I think I'll go ahead. She's about to turn I think it's on her 30th birthday. Come home and she's just crying like balling her eyes out like what's going on? And she was like I think it's time we need to have kids. And that's how we decide to have kids. Um, wow. And we were married like seven years. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Like that's I think that's a decent amount of time. Time. Yeah. Before we decide to have kids. But once we decided it was like, "All right, let's do this." It was great. We were ready. I feel like How about you guys? I want to hear more about you guys. Yeah. So for me I mean there's a decision of having kids with you know your wife but like the desire to be a father I think for me was always a part of my life. Part of that reason is my brother he's 14 years older than me and he he plays a pretty big role in my life. So when I was 13, I became an uncle, a chaa. So pretty young, like a real chaa, right? Like not cousin's kid, my brother's kid. And um I think I from that age like knew that this is something I want in my life. It was kind of always in the back of my mind. Yeah. Usually it's the opposite. Like every time I would hang out with my friends who had kids, like we would delay our decision by a year or two like, "All right, we got we can't do this." Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's different because I wasn't like 25 or 30 hanging out with uh, you know, a parent. I was like 13, 14, 15, like seeing this happen. And then, you know, by the time I got into my 20s, like it was already really a part of my identity and what I wanted, I guess, in life. So, um, yeah, I was excited about having kids for for forever. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Emma? Did you did you know you're going to be a dad from, you know, young age? I think so. I can't pinpoint specifically like a a specific like point in time, but I knew, you know, I was always going to be a dad. I think when my wife and I first met, you know, it was always like, you know, there was no no point in time where we said, "Oh, we don't want kids." How did How long did you all wait before having kids? We had a while. Yeah. Our plan was three years after we had after we got married to uh have children. And um on our you know third year anniversary trip we found out that we're going to have a baby. Like it was it was like our last harrah. We're going to we're going to you know take one big trip to we went to France. Yeah. We found out there kind of messed up the trip. We were in Shamoni. You guys know where Shamani is? It's like a really good place to go snowboarding. And I was like, "So, get a We're all the way out here. I know you're pretty pregnant." She just found out. So, I know you're pregnant. Yeah. How can you go on a ski? She couldn't. Yeah. So, I went We actually cancelled the ski trip that we had coming up. But we were already We found out in France that we are pregnant.
French accent. Not even not even an accent. Just just a hate crime. It was a hate crime. That's what it was. How dare you? I don't commit hate crimes. I'm Muslim. We get hate. Oh, right. Crime. Yeah. Hate crimes directed towards us. Yeah. Yes. Don't hate your crime. Crime your hate. You know, your hate. Look at you. Wait. So, three years for you. How about you, Emma? We waited six years. Six years. So, it was like five time. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, it was six pretty much time. So, there's got to be a time, at least yours, maybe you can relate where the parents start to like start questioning what's going on. Oh, all the time. That was like day two after we got married. Oh, everybody was questioning. I was wondering. I was like like, you know, a few months passed by and whatnot. And then like I think my mom jokingly like said something like, "Oh yeah, you know, you should think about or something." I'm pretty sure it was in front of my wife. I'm 100% sure in front of my wife. And we just like looked we just like looked at each other. We smiled and nodded and that was it, right? Um but then after a while like then we started like my um my nani and like other like extended families started tell like talking to my parents like like what what does that mean? like problem you know like all this stuff like dubious kind of problem definitely problem but like mental problem it is definitely the lurka
um but like it it was crazy you know and then after a while you know my mom would you know always ask us and stuff and then we just said look we're like focused on other things like we're traveling we're doing like couple stuff or we're doing like weekend trips. Um, you know, we're focused on our careers. So, eventually, I think she got it. Uh, and she would push back to the rest of the family, but it was it was at one point, I do remember it was very awkward and very contentious and people were just like all eyes on us. Mhm. Yeah. I think they families will leave no chance that if they have an opportunity to like nudge you, they'll take it. They're coming like they're coming at you. professional nitpicking, right? I I think I I I heard that from like a famous person once that daisies are professional nitpickers. I mean, I don't know if this is nitpicking. This is like it was straight up like let us tell you live your life. Yeah. Getting in your business straight up. It sounds like for for everyone obviously emotions involved in conceiving kids, having kids, but yeah, at what point does it change from going like this existential dread to like joy or does it not change dread? I'm waiting for the dread. I don't know. Well, just like the burden of responsibility like hey you have this little being you're responsible for. I think that's, you know, an, you know, that is like not a burden, but it's a responsibility that's placed on you and you got to think about it all the time. Well, I mean, you have a lot of kids you don't think about. So, I mean, I don't think about it. I'm like, you know, they're going to they're going to raise themselves. They're out there somewhere in my backyard. No, I think uh I don't think the dread I don't know if I can relate to dread, but the the the concerns of having to support an entire family definitely weigh on I think everyone but especially as the dads and you know providers and all that stuff. Um but for me that came later. I think initially it was just all like euphoric and like when my life I feel like kind of started in in many ways. So very very exciting very happy like I don't do you guys remember those first few hours are just like like did it is that when it hit you for me for me like the first moment was like actually being in that ultrasound room and that's like the moment you're like whoa there's a human there like that's crazy. Yeah, that was wild, right? Yeah, it's a wild moment, I think, where you're like, "This are you serious? This little thing is going to grow into a a human?" Like, it's just in this strange emotional moment. I'm sure every OB does this, but ours was like writing little messages on the ultrasound, as if it's from the from the baby. And it was like so like I don't know, it just like got me. And um it was uh for my for my uh uh second child, we decided that we wouldn't figure out, you know, if it was a boy or girl in front of the uh doctor. We had this uh envelope that we took home and I remember we opened it up on our porch like on the steps. We were sitting out there. I opened it and so in my family we have a lot of boys, you know, my brother has two boys. Uh, I'll have a lot of other cousins. Two boys. Two boys. Two boys. So, um, so in my mind is like I'm probably going to have two boys, you know. And then I I saw that I'm having a girl and I was like over the moon. Like, oh my god. Like I'm like the first one in like three generations in our family to have like a girl. So super super like over the moon excited when when I when I found that out. I remember that feeling of the second one because like you're like, "All right, I have a boy already. nice if it was a girl, but I don't really care. Then you got, oh, it's a girl. Like, oh, mission accomplished. We're done. Let's go. I kind of did care.
So, okay. So, so talk to me talk to me about now like, okay, your kids are born. You're you're going through, you know, the grunt work of making sure that their physical needs are met, right? And the especially in the early days. At what point, like, did you take joy in that? Did you take pride in that? When did that turn into joy? Talk to me. Imana, do you want to take this first? I mean, I think the first thing that nobody ever tells you is when the babies first come out. I haven't seen any baby yet that like is like newly born that doesn't look like an alien. You're like, whoa. Yeah, this looks very strange. Hopefully hopefully it doesn't stay this way. Well, I think I read this somewhere where most other like animals in the animal mammals in the animal kingdom have four trimesters to have the baby. So basically humans are the only one where the gestation internally is for 9 months. So three trimesters and then technically the first three months outside the womb is like the fourth trimester. Yeah. Okay. That's another great piece of science from, you know, the non the non-d doctor. Yeah. The non-d doctor marketing major from a party school over here.
No, but that's going to your question, I saw my brother really a hands-on dad. So, you know, it's like who are the models in your life? And he certainly was one of them. Some of my other older cousins, I saw that, too. Some of my older friends. And day one, I knew I I wanted to be that type of a dad. Like I I tried to be involved in everything. Obviously, in that first year, like the dad is relatively useless. But you can make yourself in your case, you've been perpetually useless. 11 years. 11. My oldest 11 years old. It they just actually got me a t-shirt. Useless. It is what it is. Um, but you know, like I kind of don't agree with that argument that the first year like the dad can't do anything. It's like, yeah, you can't you can't breastfeed, but you can do so much like to be involved and help out and like be a part of the child's uh experience. And yeah, not that I say I did I was, but like you can I think the can is there for sure. The potential is there. the potential is there and and you guys know this first few weeks actually months is a sleep deprivation and like when I think back on that that is such a wild time it's like a boot camp for parenting all of a sudden totally because you just like you you just don't know like you know night from day and everything is just crazy and then you know if you're on your second or in my case your third one like you have the older ones you're taking care of and is this is this like and if you have to go to work in addition into all that like I'm like work yeah you got other responsibilities but you know one thing I I truly believe in is the best things in life uh take a lot of hard work when you're a dad it's it's super hard but it's also quite literally I think the most rewarding thing that I've experienced you know as a human at that moment your your spouse has just gone through this like massive physical trauma that their body has like undergone. They're having to go through insane sleep deprivation, especially going through the breastfeeding. The two-hour cycle is nuts. And in that moment, like if it just feels like this is the edge there. I was like, "Oh, this is rough." It's boot camp. It's literally boot camp for parenting. And that's where I think you have to figure out. And we don't have a village in in the US the way that we might in other places. I I do again feel really supported by a lot of people in our community and my my my in-laws and my parents and other family members. But still like you're up 1:00 a.m. 2 a.m. 4 a.m. like and then you know the whole thing of the day. It's it's just a part of it. You know feeding the baby, burping the baby. Every time you try to burp, there's like a like a throw up that you have to clean up afterwards. It's just nuts. Did you guys ever get [ __ ] on? Huh? Look, I've been shot on. I've been shot on. Not at work. Not at work or not at that special you go to on Wednesday nights. I'm talking about like when you're changing diapers, you know? like makes me like every now and then I'll like meet these young kids who are like, "Yeah, I don't have a baby, but I have I have a pet cat." I'm like, "Dude, you have no idea what you're talking. Get out of here. Get out of here. Out of here." When I hear I have a I'm a I'm a dog dad. I'm like, what? That's my get off my lawn. Don't give me that [ __ ] So, so on this note, I just learned that it's inappropriate to call like pet owners a pet owner. It is more appropriate to call them pet parents. No, that's some [ __ ] Melrose stuff. Where where is it? Where are they saying that? They're saying that that's like the because like you can't own an animal and you want to but that's that's what that's what I've heard. There is no comparison. That is all right. the messenger. I am the messenger. I know. I'm just speaking to those folks who might be listening who might think that parenting has something to do with pet ownership. Well, this cat for dads, please. So, just uh real dads, not pet dads. It's crazy. Okay, so I just quickly back on your little thing. So, I've been peed on. I've been shhat on. I have no issues cleaning up that, right? And even back when my son was, you know, in diapers and stuff. Yeah. The one thing for the love of God that I can never do that I can never do is throw up. Throw up and vomit. I cannot deal with that was a dingly. That's the main deal. Like that's like 80% of like daddy. No, I will I will like like throw out the child. Like have you seen that meme? Have you seen that meme where like the lady's throwing the child? That's that's that's me. Why is it is it cuz you have a gag reflex? I have a gag reflex. Severe gag reflex. And oh my god. Personally weak. Personally weak. My son has this kind of a gag reflex. He farted one time and he smells his own fart and threw up. I was just like, "What is going on? This is nuts." This thing's coming. [Laughter] Okay. Bad. I don't even know how to respond to that. That's just so I I literally remember this moment where he just like starts yelling poop and and just throws up like what's going on? But like long way of saying like those moments where you're doing the grunt work is where a lot of joy takes place, right? Like there there is like something joy in that. I don't remember. I don't remember a lot of joy. I remember bits and pieces maybe, but I don't know if from the vomit. The wife does the feeding, then it's like, "Oh, can you burp the baby?" "No, I can't. I have a gag reflex. Can you take care of it?" No. No. Spit up was fine. Spit up was fine. But vomit, no. Not doing that. So, so my general theory is that you go from physical exhaustion from at the early ages of your children to mental exhaustion as they get older. So I think this is like not this is like not a theory that you're not like some sort of like you know oh my god like mind magician here like this is for me this is only me this is like established I wrote a research paper on this you want you want me to um you know okay I can say the other thing I didn't find joy in those like physical hard laborious things but I think there's like a sense of satisfaction that came out of it and maybe that's what you're getting at Emma or Maybe you actually enjoyed poop. But being a part of it, I think really like creates that bond, that connectivity. You feel something and and then in the middle of those moments, something really sweet or cute will happen, right? When they're little, they'll coo and they'll, you know, just melt your heart. As they get older, they might say something. That's one thing that I think nobody tells parents that no matter what, kids know exact. They are like the best reinforcement learning algorithm. They know how to like earn their spot in your heart and in your life like immediately they figure that out. Yeah. They wedge themselves in. They really Exactly. And you think about that a lot when you're having your second child or or in my case my third like how I am like at capacity with love right now. Yeah. with this one the first one but then the second one comes and wedged in third you know third one wedged in and it's it's crazy but so I mean when you when you become a parent I think it really occurs to you that like essentially this this new little being or like a piece of your heart outside of yourself right and like you are constantly trying to um connect with that heart or like you know nurture it and as they get older like protect it. Yeah, for sure. Protect it. It just like hits in a way that's that's so wild. And you know it was one one other emotion I felt at that time is I had some new found appreciation for my parents because all I could like relate to how they must feel. Yeah. Right. Towards us even though we're older. Exactly. Like the way you feel about your kid might never change. That's what they say, right? Is when when you become a parent is the first time you can really appreciate what your parents did for you. When my son was born, I was just like, "Oh [ __ ] this is what it means to be a parent. Now I get why my parents were a certain way or why my parents did things a certain way." Um, it all started to make sense. So, I had newfound like respect, appreciation, gratitude, all of that stuff for them. uh sort of all within like a few months of my son being born. I think about my whole childhood differently because now I have children. I'm like, whoa, I can see what kind of childhood my parents gave me and I really appreciate it. I had like no barometer to compare it to before, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So, okay. What about now that your your kid is in full bloom? It's sort of at times it's kind of weird because you're watching Mini U, but also not a Mini U. So scary, man. like first kid my first kid a replica of my wife so I'm like ah this is great like all the great qualities very like emotionally aware kid second kid is my replica and scary like I'm like this this and she has no like emotion like or maybe she's either not emotionally aware she's like or or just a psychopath sometimes whatever I'm like she's like talking about my parents she's like oh yeah Like we were talking about what future might be like and she's like yeah and my she's like grandparents are going to be dead right and like she doesn't even like skip a beat. I'm like no like you can't say that like take it easy. When when did you first notice that personality like of hers or or even your first kid? I think it's pretty early. I don't know. I want to hear you guys like Emmed what do you what's your experience been like? So I think I think I saw my son's personality very early. He was always sort of a jokester like he would always laugh um you know like he would do something what that he thought was funny and expect a reaction from us and generally it was laughter um and he sort of maintained that now now he's just so sarcastic and I'm like you know you're only eight you you you shouldn't be this sarcastic but you know I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Um, but it is it's kind of cool. I think it gives insight to like what your parents experienced in some ways when they were raising you. Um, how does that like feel in terms of protecting them from certain missteps that you might have taken? It's hard because like you know as a daisy you know you are accustomed to nitpicking and you know you you're you're it's a it's a careful dance. You don't want to nitpick too much because that's their way of learning and that's their way of like seeing the world and experiencing it for the first time. And that's what I constantly try to tell myself is like, okay, he like he's just going through this for the first time. And if I nitpick, it creates a negative image and a negative experience for him that he may carry uh for for, you know, forever. I think it's just try to go where he's going and and course correct as it happens. Yeah. or let them make mistakes too, I guess, right? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's so scary, right? Like because I, for example, I like for the longest time time I was like, you know, it's cool. I'm a rebel kind of a guy. I I don't need to like follow the rules. Like I And now like that my daughter is doing the same thing to me. I'm like, "Oh jeez, this hurt. This is so painful." Give you guys a story. So few days ago, she's like just yelling the word fire, fire fire and like just bothering uh the older one and eventually my wife shows up. It's like here's an ultimatum. You say it one more time, you're going to be grounded and I hear the word fire one more time. You're not only grounded, no more TV time for you. Blah blah blah. And she's like, you could see her like seething and she go she goes like fire. You're like what? Oh, she did that. How did you even And then like she did it. She did it. Like she's like, I will cross the line. No problem. Yeah. So problematic. It's like extra punch because it's an F-word. Yeah. Really hear it. Problematic. So, okay. So, I do how do you let go of like course correcting and controlling that in the moment and or just like enjoying the difference and accepting? So, enjoying that difference. I'm like, what am I going to do? This is this is going to be trouble. I I you know, so I I've come to like this realization is that if you want like good disciplined kids, you kind of have to be a jerk to them every so often. You can't be can't be like just roll over and like give them what they want. Like yeah, you you can't you can't be steamrolled. Um yeah, you just got to be a jerk. Just got to be a jerk. I mean, I don't know if it's being a jerk as much as just being a parent. You can't just expect to be their friend all the time and you just have to balance. You have to be objective I think is is what what it is. And sometime it's like being a coach. Sometimes you have to be hard and sometimes you don't. Well, that's the best when you have a tough moment but then you can laugh about it later. Yeah. With your wife. Those are like Okay. Those are those are the best. When do you let go of that control? When do you like enjoy the, you know, sort of the moment? Yeah, my daughter, the second one, is like really earnest and has emotions kind of on her sleeve. So, the high moments are really high and the lows are, you know, we got to like kind of sit down and really work through them with her. You kind of have to code switch so fast between each kid. Yeah. To figure out, you know, what's going to resonate at their frequency at any given time because the thing that we do with our first child doesn't work with our second, won't work with our third. So, I think that is probably the hardest part for me is to make sure I'm always like responding to each child based on where they are rather than trying to, you know, force this like one-sizefits-all because it just doesn't work. One of the things that we have gleaned a lot from is this book called Siblings Without Rivalry and it talks about um you know how to like manage rivalries and a lot of it comes down to having that interpersonal connection and time spent with each kid one-on-one independently. Yeah. Like Immad, how do you guys think about that in terms of We really like that book as well. And what we've tried to do is where each parent does some some time independently and I think those are the moments that we've found to be like the best moments. So like I remember taking our older son kayaking u just him and I so fun right like the best day of his life. Um similarly like just spending the day with u my younger one and she's like has this favorite park like hey can we go to our favorite park and just do a spend and just loves it right so but you know one thing that I do remember and I feel like this is going to go away and I don't know if you guys do this pretend play with the kids where it's it's so fun and I have one rule for my kids if we're going to do pretend play they can't call me baba they have to be called me by my first name and it just makes it hilarious is it just makes it so hilarious because they're a little awkward. They're like, "Ah, should I really do this or not?" Yeah. And then mom walks in and they're like they're like, "What is and then like then stuff they come up with like the when the world building world building. Yeah. Like he they're playing like hey they're playing pretending that this was a boat we were on and I'm like hey like what is this?" He's like oh this is our ship. I'm like what's the name of the ship? And the name he came up was like membership. I'm like, whoa, where is this going? This is like a joke or what is happen? Amazon kid kids of Amazon, I'm with you, man. The whole imagination and that world building, the storytelling, the creative like like taking something so obscure and turning into something so dynamic. I hope they hold on to that some part of that forever. It's hard like you want to live in the moment and you want to enjoy the moment but then obviously as your kids age you think back to these moments and you can only you know you start losing some of the memories right like you're like oh yeah you know that happened that happened or it just gets fuzzy how do you like how do you retain to I think about this often there's big pockets where I just can't remember it or a picture will show up and I'll be like oh man this was so much fun we had we were so invested in this and spend so much time on this and like I almost have no memory of this anymore. It's like one of those things where the accumulation of the stuff is what life is and you know it's it's okay that I remember some stuff that I don't remember and we have pictures but every moment should doesn't have to be captured. It's like the connection that you build with your with your kids that's like the the thing you know like you don't remember. Don't you feel like what's happening now with us is, and this is what's convinced me why people have more kids. They have pictures of their kids as they're growing up, but the pictures are only of the happy moment. So, you you forget about those like crazy nights and all that. They're like, you're like looking through pictures. Ah, they were so cute. And then like, oh, let's have one more. No, that's for sure a thing. For sure. Yeah. I do I do remember taking pictures of the crying moments too a little bit here and there kind of for that reason. Yeah. Let's document some of the tougher moments as well. Yeah. But I think the hard part related to this is overdoing it on the on the cameras, you know, like seeing everything every seeing everything through the lens versus just living in the moment because are you really going to go back and see, you know, millions of pictures at some point? We do. Really? Right. We do. We do. I mean, my wife So good, dude. We I mean, my wife's really good at that and like she'll randomly send me some older ones. I'm like, "Oh man, I can't believe that happened. That was such a good." So, like like the Google memories that'll come up like that type of thing. No, like literally like she will sit down and just be like, "Let's go through old photos." Oh, wow. Okay. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. I think pictures is one way. I think like being present and just enjoying kind of what you're saying Sajid like enjoying the moment for what it is, the time you're in, the space you're in. I think like the other thing like I've like stopped like in the beginning. So, I I coached my son's basketball team. In the beginning, um you know, when I was going as a fan before I was coaching, I would try to record the g like games and you know, take pictures and stuff like that. And what you realize is like instead of your your view being this, it just becomes this out of like a phone. And it it kind of sucks, right? Because like you're almost taking it in as like a third person or like a fourth person narrator. You can do a plug for the Apple Vision Pro or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there was that sad ad when they launched um on the Vision Pro. Yeah. The birthday, right? They're celebrating the birthday and the dad has the Vision Pro on and he's taking a picture. I'm like, this is the saddest, most dystopian Black Mirror episode, right? It felt like an episode of Black Mirror. So bad. But I've been actively trying to not document things for the purposes of just trying to enjoy them more. Trying to be, you know, in the moment more. I think I I can do better about being in the moment. I think even worse than that is like being on your phone around your child. Yeah. And that's a foul. That's a foul. It is so hard. And so, you know, talk about being in the moment sometimes I remember, you know, even now, but especially when my kids were were really young, I would be on the phone just kind of waiting for, you know, let's say this one-year-old to fall asleep while while he or she is in my arms. Just kind of like just like waiting waiting, waiting, waiting because I and I'm like distracted by something on my phone and I'm thinking, okay, as soon as they fall asleep, I'm going to go do this thing. And I would have to and I wasn't very good at it, but you know, I would try to check myself and be like, "No, no, this is it." Like this is the thing. Like this is what life is about right here. Like why am I so obsessed with this device, which like in in the most optimal scenario, it's something important at work, but more than likely it's some garbage online, right? Like I use whatever I'm looking at. I feel like once our second kid was like about maybe around two years old when she she could like actually make make good sentences and talk, we turn we started doing this thing called the gratitude journal where every night each kid we would ask like hey what are three things you're grateful for today? What made you what was tough about today? How did it make you feel? How are you feeling now? like literally those five questions and man that changes our world because every night doing that just in it just got us such a deeper conversation going with them. I love that I love that. Yeah, we we don't do a great job again documenting it but we do similar stuff. Um, and I don't know if you guys heard about this MIT study that came out recently where it said that most bedtime routines, you know, good parent bedtime routines is to read some books and spend time and, you know, stuff like that. Um, but it's even better if you can to just talk to your kids and in particular talk through like emotions or talk through how you handle situations. for example, you know, I got really upset that somebody cut me off on the road the other day, but then I took a deep breath and I handled it or and I managed my emotions, you know, something like that. Um, and that has such a huge impact, positive impact on your child and social emo child's social emotional development and other things like that. I think what you're doing, Immad, is like right in that, you know, right in that wheelhouse of like having a conversation with your child. The books are great, too. You know, I think I love story time at the end of the day with with my kids, but you know, at night, they're really decompressing and right before bed, they like want to talk and they want to share, you know, even even if they're quiet earlier in the day. What are your moments where you're you were as a parent where you're like, "Oh, somebody might call the child protective services if they found out I was doing this." I don't I don't know what picture you were looking at to find the story. There have been no moments where you're like, "Oh man, this uh maybe I went too far. I need to Do you want us to get cancelled?" Like, I'm trying to maintain a household and a livelihood. There's got to be something that like is at the edge, right? Like I mine is like one of my vices is having Flaming Hot Cheetos. Like I am a sucker for those. And those things are the worst. Like they're like terrible for you in every possible way. And Flaming Hot like obviously too spicy. And I my son who was like five at the time like, "Hey dude, you should try one of these." I not only gave him one, as he's crying, he's like, "This hurts." I'm like, "You can you should have more. The more you have the it feels better." He's just like, "It's not feeling better." He just keeps having Okay. So, so, okay, that's that's a funny story. There's um we were vacationing I think in Mexico somewhere and our little guy was probably around five six years old. So at this restaurant they brought out some hot sauce like it was really spicy habanero like some special hot sauce and he he took a full spoonful and what's hilarious is in the moment he picked up the camera and he started recording himself. He's like I just had some hot sauce. It was really spicy and I'm like ah it's the I have favored that video. It is at the top of my favorites and every now and then I watch it. It is amazing. It is just absolutely pure joy. But Emma, I want to come back to your bedtime routine because I derailed it. What we were doing a while back is we'd make up stories, but the way we would instead of me telling the full stories, I would say a sentence and then he would have to build on that sentence and then I would and we'd go back and forth and it was just, you know, it's just like a fun way to build a bond and you can see how their imagination works. And the story is absolute like garbage. It is hot garbage, but it's hilarious. I think the the imaginary stories are the funnest. Like I mean we have the story that we've built by all of us where it's like about a monkey named Mattto who lives in the jungles of Indonesia. Like this story would never work. Dude, you always end up there. You Indonesia Bali Bali. Oh yeah, that's right. I didn't realize jungles. Somewhere in the jungle. Subconscious. Yeah. I don't know. This was this was good. You know, I I think a lot of times as dads in particular, we don't take the time to share our emotions. I think a lot of times it's just frustrations. It's rants. It's rages. Uh I do think it's a really important part of male psychology to open up and to share these joyful moments with friends, with family. So, uh really good work. Thanks. Thanks for uh helping me go down memory lane and and recall some stuff that was uh that was hidden for a while. Yeah, it's like our main gig. Yeah, I love it. Um, well, once again, thanks for joining me on this lovely episode. To all of our followers, thanks so much for listening in, tuning in. Uh, as always, you can find us at Nonsense Show on YouTube and Instagram. Please rate, follow, and subscribe. It really helps the algorithm. It's helping our momentum. And also write to us naansenseshow@gmail.com. We want to hear from you. We want to talk about it. uh whatever you have. Until next time, nonsensors. See you later. Bye.
I hate you.