Go and Be Reconciled | The Rev. Cn. Oliver Lee

Conflict is an unavoidable part of life together, even within the Church, but Jesus gives us a distinctly Christian way to meet it: not by avoiding difficult conversations, gathering others to our side, or seeking to win an argument, but by pursuing truth, forgiveness, healing, and reconciliation. In this sermon by the Rev. Cn. Oliver Lee, we are reminded that the Church is a family of redeemed sinners, and that what distinguishes Christian community is not the absence of disagreement but the grace with which we respond to it. Jesus calls us to go privately, personally, prayerfully, and lovingly to a sister or brother when there is hurt or wrongdoing, always with restoration as the goal. And when we ourselves are confronted, we are invited to listen with humility and examine our own lives. The purpose is never simply to prove that we are right; it is to regain one another, trusting that wherever Christians gather in Christ’s name seeking reconciliation, Christ himself is present among them.

What is Sermons from Church of the Incarnation, Dallas?

Weekly sermons from the traditional and contemporary worship services at Church of the Incarnation in Dallas, Texas. Rooted in Scripture and the Anglican tradition, these messages explore how the gospel speaks to our faith, our everyday lives and the world around us.

I'm going to start out with a true story.

Two ladies in the church, Ms. Agnes and Ms.

Mabel, had been feuding for 20 years.

Nobody remembered what started it, including Agnes and Mabel.

Finally, the priest had had enough.

He called them into his office and said, "Ladies, Jesus commands us to forgive one

another. Before you leave this office, I want you to make peace."

Dead silence.

Finally, Agnes looked at Mabel and said,

"Well, Mabel, I hope when you die, you go to heaven." Now Mabel was

stunned. She said, "Agnes, after all these years, that is the sweetest thing

you have ever said to me."

And Agnes replied,

"And if you don't,

you can go right back to where you came from."

My sisters and brothers, Jesus understands something about the Church, that

sometimes there are things that we would rather not admit.

Church people are going to get on each other's nerves.

Put enough Christians together long enough, and sooner or later, somebody is going

to say something, do something, or forget something, misunderstand

something, or get offended by something.

The Church isn't comprised of perfect people.

It's a family of redeemed sinners, and families sometimes

have conflict.

Lest we be mistaken, biblical peace is not pretending nothing happened.

It's dealing with what happened in a way aimed at

reconciliation.

This is one of the most practical teachings Jesus ever gave the Church, and perhaps

one of the most frequently ignored.

In Dadeville, Alabama, back in 1996, Gabriel Taylor

and another man got into an informal contest to see who knew the Bible

better.

Back and forth they went, one quoting scripture, then the other answering with

scripture. Finally, Taylor proved to be right.

The other man checked his Bible, discovered that Taylor knew the passage better,

and became angry.

Listen to what happened next.

The man who lost the Bible contest left, came

back with a gun,

and shot Gabriel Taylor and killed him.

Now think about the terrible irony of that.

He knew enough Bible to argue about the word of God, but not

enough to obey the word of God. He could quote scripture,

but scripture hadn't taken root in him yet.

There's a world of difference between having the word in your head and having the

word in your heart. It's been said that it's possible to know the book

and still not know the author.

And notice that Jesus assumes that conflict will occur.

He doesn't say, "If somehow Christians ever disagree." He says,

"If another member of the Church sins against you."

Listen, in Christian community,

it does not eliminate conflict. What distinguishes

Christian community is how we deal with it.

So the question isn't, will Christians ever disagree?

The question is, what do Christians do when we disagree?

And Jesus tells us, "Go and point out the fault when the

two of you are alone." In other words, solve the problem at the lowest

possible level. And to do that, we need to give some serious thought

to how we will approach the other person.

And as we need to give some thought to our intervention,

we need to pray for grace.

What I'm really saying here is that before we confront our offending

Christian sister or brother,

we need to do our homework. We need to prepare.

So first and foremost, we need to pray.

And if we have a problem with another person, we need to pray for that

person. Our prayers might change that person.

Our prayers might also change us. Our prayers might prepare us to

confront the other person in love rather than anger.

And having prepared, Jesus tells us, "If

another member of the Church sins against you, go and point out the

fault when the two of you are alone." And notice the instruction. Go.

Jesus doesn't say, "Tell everybody else." He doesn't say, "Form a

committee." He doesn't say, "Call six friends and make sure they agree with you."

And he certainly doesn't say, "Put it on FaceChat and SnapBook and let the whole

world click on who was right."

Jesus says, "Go." Go to your sister, go to your brother.

Talk to the person before you talk about the person.

That simple, but it's not easy. Because when somebody is hurt,

our natural instinct is to find somebody who agrees with us.

And once we find them, we tell them.

Then they tell somebody, and that somebody tells somebody, and before

long, everybody knows there's a problem, except, that is, the person we're having a

problem with.

But Jesus says, "Go privately, go personally, go prayerfully, go

lovingly."

And then Jesus tells us why.

"If the member listens to you,

you have regained that one."

There it is. That's the heart of this whole passage.

Jesus doesn't say, "You won the argument." He doesn't say, "You proved a point."

He doesn't say, "Now everybody knows you're right." He says, "You have regained

that one. You have sutured the wound." Because in the Kingdom of God,

winning the person is more important than winning the

argument.

And if that private conversation doesn't work, Jesus says, "Take one or

two others along with you." But don't misunderstand him.

Jesus is not saying, "Go get reinforcements." They're not your posse.

They're not your legal team. They're not there to gang up on somebody.

They're there to bring wisdom, accountability, objectivity, and hopefully,

reconciliation.

And notice how Jesus expands the circle.

One to one,

two or three, and only then the Church.

Jesus expands the circle only as much as is necessary.

Now, we sometimes reverse the order.

We tell everybody first, and the person involved last.

But Jesus says, "Protect the person's dignity, even while confronting the

problem."

The matter begins privately because reconciliation is more

important than embarrassment. The goal is not punishment, but

reconciliation. Not humiliation, but restoration.

Because Christian love doesn't mean pretending nothing happened.

Christian love doesn't mean sweeping everything under the rug.

Christian love doesn't mean smiling across the aisle on Sunday morning while

resentment eats us alive Monday through Saturday.

Sometimes Christian love has to say,

"Listen,

we need to sit down and chop it up."

Sometimes love confronts. Sometimes love corrects.

Sometimes love tells the truth.

But scripture instructs us to speak the truth in love,

because truth without love can become cruelty,

and love without truth can become sentimentality.

But truth spoken in love can become the path to

reconciliation.

Then Jesus gets to the difficult part.

"If the offender refuses to listen even to the church,

let such a one be to you as a Gentile and tax collector."

And that sounds pretty ominous.

In other words,

there are boundaries. There are consequences.

We cannot pretend everything is all right when something is amiss.

And there's something we need to remember.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.

I can choose to forgive, but reconciliation requires both of

us.

I can open a door, but I can't force someone else to walk through it.

And yet Jesus says, "Treat them like Gentiles and tax

collectors."

Well, just how did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors?

He talked with them. He ate with them. He sought them out.

He loved them. He called them to repentance.

He even embraced a tax collector named Matthew and said, "Follow me."

All that is to say that even when boundaries become necessary, grace

does not disappear. There can be boundaries without bitterness.

There can be discipline without vengeance.

There can be consequences without hatred.

And always

leave room for grace.

Leave room for repentance. Leave room for forgiveness.

Leave room for somebody to return to the fold.

And then Jesus says, "Where two or three are gathered in my name,

there I am in the midst of them."

We love that verse.

But focus on the context. Jesus has been talking about two or three people

gathered together trying to heal a broken

relationship. So this promise is even more powerful than we sometimes

realize because Jesus is saying, "When you sit down with somebody who hurt you,

I am there.

When you swallow your pride and say, 'Can we talk?'

I am there.

When you stop preparing your rebuttal and actually listen,

I am there. And when you finally say,

'I was wrong. Please forgive me,'

I am there.

And when two Christians choose reconciliation instead of retaliation,

I am there." Listen, the Christian life is not about keeping score.

How many times they hurt me, how many times I forgave them, how many times I

apologized first, how many times I was right, how many times I was wrong.

Jesus says, "Put down the scorecard. Forgive one another.

Bear with one another. Restore one another.

Love one another." Why?

Because that is exactly

what God has done for you.

Think about it. When humanity sinned against God, God did not stay

the distance. God came to us. When we wandered away, God came

looking for us. When the relationship between God and humanity was broken,

God didn't wait for us to figure out how to get back to Him.

He came to us in Jesus Christ.

And on the cross, Jesus stretched out His arms to

reconcile us to God and to reconcile

us to one another. So when Jesus says, "Go to your

sister or brother," He's asking you to do for one another what

He has already done for you.

God came looking for you. Now we go looking for one another.

God forgave you.

Now we forgive one another. God reconciled with you.

Now you become a minister of reconciliation.

Listen. Anger in, anger out.

What I mean by that is if we lash out at someone else in anger, they will usually

respond with anger, and we all will get into a shouting match

or have hurt feelings, or even worse.

And mark this well,

conflict in the body of Christ destroys the body.

Make no mistake. Satan longs for the day when we're at odds with one another.

He lives for the day when we speak ill of each other.

He waits for the day when the rain and winds of disagreement and anger beat

against our houses. Houses built upon unsteady foundations, houses built

on troubled relations, houses destined to fall.

He waits for that day, but this day is not that day.

Satan lives for the day when division is among those cleansed by the blood of Jesus

Christ. The day when division is among those who live in the power of the Holy

Spirit. The day when division forms clashes among God's people,

God's chosen people, God's redeemed people.

Clashes that divide the faithful in Christ.

He lives for that day, but this day is not that day.

Satan yearns for the day when we are so mired in our own personal pride, when we

are so selfishly focused on ourselves, that we totally ignore God's call to

love. We ignore His call to love His sons, His daughters, His

children. God loves you, and Satan doesn't want that to be the

case. He lives for the day when there is dissension, but this day is not

that day. This day is a day of promoting reconciliation.

This day is a day of hope in the body of Christ.

This day is a day of communal commitment to our fellow Christians.

This day, we choose to renounce Satan and all the spiritual forces that

rebel against God. This day, we choose to renounce the evil powers of the

world, which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God.

This day, we choose to renounce all the sinful desires and discords that

draws us from the love of God. So let us mark this day in love.

Let us mark this day in solidarity.

Let us mark this day in unity, no longer on the beaches of conflict, but

rising from the rock of harmony because we are one body in

Jesus Christ. Amen.

Amen.

So when somebody offends you,

go.

When misunderstanding separates you,

go.

When resentment

begins to take root, go. When pride says,

"Let them make the first move," remember, Jesus made the first move

towards you, and go. Go privately, go humbly, go

prayerfully, go lovingly. But don't go to win.

Don't go to prove a point. Don't go looking for victory.

Go looking for your sister or brother, because the goal of Christian conflict is

not proving who is right. The goal is restoring what

is broken.

You see, Jesus does not teach us how to get rid of difficult people.

He teaches us how hard we should work not to lose them.

And when we do that, when two or three gather in his name seeking truth, seeking

forgiveness, seeking healing, seeking reconciliation, Jesus says, "There I

am, smack dab in the middle of you."

And understand this clearly.

If Jesus in the midst of us,

grace is in the midst of us. If Jesus is in the midst of us,

forgiveness is in the midst of us. If Jesus is in the midst of us,

healing is in the midst of us. And if Jesus is in the midst of us, no matter how

deep the hurt, no matter how long the disagreement, no matter how broken the

relationship, reconciliation is still possible.

So don't just win the argument. Regain your sister or brother.

And this is crucial, because in the Kingdom of God, winning the

person is more important than winning the argument.

Now, before I conclude the sermon, let me make one more point.

What happens

if you

are not the confronting person,

but the person being confronted?

What happens if another Christian comes to you saying,

"I have a problem with you,

and I think we should sit down and talk about it."

What happens if another Christian decides to confront you with your own sinful

behavior? How will you respond?

Will you listen?

Or will you tell the other person to mind his own business?

Will you examine your own life, your own behavior,

or will you lash out in anger?

If another Christian comes to you to resolve a conflict between the two of you,

or if another Christian comes to you to confront you with your sinful behavior,

keep in mind that they are just doing

what Jesus told them to do.

So give them a hearing. Consider what they're telling you.

Pray about it. Keep in mind that the purpose is not to win the

argument.

The purpose is to resolve the conflict.

In the name of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Amen.