It’s A Good Title, Right?

Harley is dealing with Unstoppa-Bill and Kevin has a comic book drop today. PLUS: Kevin’s Favorite Ride and only two more to go!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is Beardless, D*ckless Me?

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

00:00:30
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Beardless Dick.

00:00:33
Speaker 2: Let's be I'm your host, Kevin Smith, and.

00:00:35
Speaker 3: I'm Harley Quinn Smith. Is that your jacket?

00:00:38
Speaker 2: It is no one old one? Or to a wedding of two cats and.

00:00:44
Speaker 3: Together no more. I think we know who we're talking about.

00:00:47
Speaker 2: It cursed wedding.

00:00:51
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that much.

00:00:52
Speaker 3: You were white to a wedding.

00:00:54
Speaker 2: I was told to. That was the whole theme. Interesting, were you about to get all like.

00:01:00
Speaker 1: You know where you wanted me?

00:01:03
Speaker 3: I was just wondering.

00:01:04
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to fucking get dressed up. They made they make it get dressed up when you go to weddings.

00:01:09
Speaker 3: Did you wear fans?

00:01:11
Speaker 2: I had a yes, white fans and I had uh white dress pants turned into shorts of sorts.

00:01:18
Speaker 3: That's pretty cool. Shorts of shorts.

00:01:22
Speaker 2: That's the name of this episode, shorts of sorts. Speaking of episodes, how many more until this fucking misery? How many more until the end of beardless stickless me?

00:01:34
Speaker 1: We're going to countdown, kids.

00:01:36
Speaker 2: And if you're watching this at that Kevinsmith club dot com, you're seeing on my countenance, my face because you can watch the show, how deeply affected I am by the end of all this B d M coming to a conclusion has really made me start thinking about my life and putting things in perspective.

00:01:58
Speaker 3: It's really gotten to you, Huh, not at all.

00:02:01
Speaker 2: I have plans for the future. But again I'm not, you know, like, I'm not using the last few shows to like rag on iHeart. But it is still mystifying to me that they're like, no, you're fired. I was like, I didn't know we were hired.

00:02:14
Speaker 3: I didn't know that we had a job in the first blue truth.

00:02:18
Speaker 2: The nice thing is when we negotiate to even go there in the first place. The good folks who look out for me legally were like, oh.

00:02:24
Speaker 1: You own it.

00:02:25
Speaker 2: You can do whatever you own wneyever you want the standard boilerplate contract. Would have like given them the show, but as it turns out, it wouldn't matter. We could have left the show behind, but it is a body of our work that will one day be valuable, maybe not to the general public, but to you.

00:02:42
Speaker 3: When I dropped dead, I hate when you say things like this.

00:02:46
Speaker 1: I no, we didn't.

00:02:51
Speaker 3: Come in, come in.

00:02:55
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, we got she opened the door such a crack.

00:03:04
Speaker 3: If you're watching on that Kevin Smith Club. You just saw a sneak peek.

00:03:10
Speaker 2: And if you're not watching on that Kevin Smith Club, I mean, apparently nobody's listening on our heart, so fucking you must be watching on that Kevin Smith Club.

00:03:17
Speaker 3: I wonder why that fire does.

00:03:19
Speaker 2: You would have seen a sneak peek at the matriarch, Wow, one of the many big air German bitches in this house. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa talking about my German shepherd, wacky wacky. That's true. If you open the door, you would have seen little Walky. She said that Walky was right outside the door. Oh but walk was playing a koy when we started the show, so she's out there. People like this, why iHeart fired you. We don't give a fuck about your dogs. Get to the fucking dirt.

00:03:50
Speaker 3: Oh you care about yeah?

00:03:52
Speaker 2: Like talk about that rabbit.

00:03:54
Speaker 1: As the show fucking spirals.

00:03:56
Speaker 4: Down the wad.

00:03:57
Speaker 3: Want to hear a story, Yeah.

00:03:59
Speaker 2: Fuck you, I want to hear story. But first before you tell me the story, can I tell everybody this is the first episode of Beardless, Stickless, mean, one of the last. When is our live show August third? Yeah, we have sold seventy tickets so far doing well? Okay, doing well, definitely be entering three digits one, but let's we can still do better.

00:04:20
Speaker 1: Kids.

00:04:21
Speaker 2: Tickets at sea smont dot com. Come and see the first and last performance of Beardless Tickless me? Do you consider yourself a ticklet whatever? Really? And you have to be there when it happens. Tickets to my birthday show.

00:04:34
Speaker 3: Sold out, So second choice, that's right.

00:04:39
Speaker 2: If you're like, fuck, I want to see them age, you could see me be fifty five in a.

00:04:43
Speaker 1: Day in a very roomy theater. Hey no, that's I'm telling you. That's good. Like we are a month out.

00:04:51
Speaker 3: How many seats are there?

00:04:53
Speaker 1: It depends.

00:04:54
Speaker 2: It could be in any theater I want. So let's say you see what I'm.

00:04:57
Speaker 3: Saying, we're moving it to the smallest is you.

00:05:00
Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying.

00:05:01
Speaker 2: We can downsize to the unty two seater and feel like kings. The scalability of having a multiplex with five different screens allows for the placation of one's ego. Oh my god, are we done this many times that we've done shows where One of my favorite fucking shows we ever did was Revenge of the Smith and Steven, Who is our You? Know, you know Vegan Steven who's always like, stop fucking serning that stupid joke you say about vegans, Dude, like you's serious, but he's like you, and he's the one back East that has all the fucking Vegan hot spots and stuff. Stephen pulled clips like I Jen Kaminski. I said, hey, man, can you go through every Star Wars movie and pull out like any scene anytime we referenced Star Wars and stuff? And she came up with this big list and I gave it to Steven. Steven went and pulled all the clips, and so we did a show called The Revenge of the Smith where I went up and like showed the clip from I don't know if we at the clip from Star Wars. I think it was both the clip from Star Wars and the clip from Maul Rats or vice versa. So you saw the clip from the movie that that I was inspired by, and then you saw the clip that inspired Does that make sense?

00:06:14
Speaker 1: Excellent? Hours long?

00:06:16
Speaker 2: Because like I get up between each clip and fucking tell a long ass.

00:06:20
Speaker 3: Story and Ord knows your stories are long.

00:06:23
Speaker 2: Twenty people, wow, yeah, yeah, but still on with the show. I went and what a great show it was. You talked to people who were there. You talk to Ryan, Gina, the two people I know for a fact were there.

00:06:37
Speaker 1: I know everyone was there by name.

00:06:40
Speaker 2: You talked to Dan oh let me tell you those these kids were there for something to story. But even Steven is like what a great show man, like, I wish there were more people there. But sometimes you just do the show for the sake of doing the show. It sounds like a cool idea, but we're you know, we're not walking into like a house of shame or some shit like. No, we have the ability to put it in to like a two hundred and thirty seater or a two hundred seater or a one eighty seedter or a one twenty seater or the very cozy, very intimate Airbnb cottage not abb what do they used to call it before Airbnb when he went to a place.

00:07:24
Speaker 3: Vacation?

00:07:25
Speaker 2: No, yeah, well that is a word, but there was a name for like when you you went and stayed in somebody's house and it was all before Airbnb, and they made you breakfast in the morning, and should a bed and breakfast, Yeah, I guess I would be it. I just left out the bed pars, like you'll sleep there and they gave you a breakfast. Yeah, like a bed and breakfast. What was my point about that?

00:07:46
Speaker 3: I don't know. Oh, the ninety two seater is is the.

00:07:50
Speaker 2: Bed and breakfast of Smart Castle, of smot Castle. Of course, everyone remembers every show, and honestly, he wouldn't put you in the ninety seater. Ernie always goes for the the one twenty, which is not the one twenty. I guess that is the one twenty because the nineties in the back. It's the one we call the kids theater. That's the one where we do all the kids' birthday parties. That's where like they go fucking sugar crazy and smash the cupcakes into the fucking cloth seats. Little jerks, animals, animals, savages. But I can't say nothing because I made clerks and they can be.

00:08:24
Speaker 1: Like, oh, you fucking sell out? What happened to Just because they serve you doesn't mean they like you.

00:08:29
Speaker 2: Having a hating on the boss and shit, I'm like, you're right. That's why I can never yell at the staff at Smadcastle. They sit around on their phones and shit and I'm like oooh inside. But outside. I'm like, I gotta play it. Clerk's cool man, I gotta be silent, Bob, and shit literally by not saying the thing I want to say, which is like, get off your fucking phone, pick up that popcorn on the floor. Can't be that guy, you know. I got fired from a job once for not picking up a salad bowl that I left on the floor and stared at it, and the manager of the place was just like he walked past it. It slipped off the bus bucket. You you clean a table at a restaurant, shit, well, the one I worked at, Like the tray wasn't hidden. The bus bucket was at the bus station, so it sat on like a side little table like a luggage rack that you put your luggage on at a hotel, opens up folding rack and so it was very full. Should have been taken into the back. And that's also probably part of the story. Salad bowl, like those fake wooden looking salad boles, slides off onto the floor. Me and Mike Bellicos leaning on our station, and we both saw it fall and we didn't move. And then our waitress, we saw her talk to Alan, our boss, and she came over. I was like, what Alan's say, and she goes, he couldn't believe that you two watched that salad bowl fall onto the floor and neither of you moved to pick it up. So when Alan every twenty five minutes, as the manager, would do his rounds in the restaurant, so he did a complete round at all the tables, checked in, how's everybody doing, if somebody needed something, blah blah blah. Good manager, kind of good for the people eating there, kind of an asshole to the staff. But this was my dick move. So Alan's coming up to do his round and I took a salad bowl and I put it on the floor and I just stared at him. And Alan comes up to me and goes, all right, Kevin, you can go home this evening. I was like, are we slow? And he goes, no, you know what you did. I was like, at my fire and he goes, no, you're not fired. Call me in tomorrow and we'll talk about it. And when I called in the morning to talk about it, you were fired. I was fired. He did the smartest thing because I would have been like, oh.

00:10:46
Speaker 3: You're gonna fire me, Like the restaurant.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: Salad bowls all over the floor.

00:10:52
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

00:10:54
Speaker 2: Admittedly I'm fifty four year old man. It was a dick move. But in any event, I have to say, that's why I can't fire. Can ever say to my crew like be better, you know, because I wasn't. Wow, that's paying it forward in the worst possible.

00:11:08
Speaker 3: Way, in the least effective way.

00:11:10
Speaker 2: You had a story to tell. It was about let's hear about the bunny.

00:11:17
Speaker 3: Bee and you already know the story, actually, but they don't. So bill Be has started going on my bed.

00:11:27
Speaker 2: Going on the bed, meaning like I'm on the bed, I'm on the bed, bounce, bounce on.

00:11:31
Speaker 3: But I have to put some like pillows on the ground so.

00:11:35
Speaker 2: That he starts there. Yeah, he can't quite make it.

00:11:37
Speaker 3: I think he could. I've seen him do it one time.

00:11:40
Speaker 2: But with a pillow he's making he's unstoppable and unstoppab.

00:11:49
Speaker 3: One night Be has to be let out to run around at least once a day. He gets he gets the zuomies, and he he has a little house, a two story house. Yes, But then we let him out for like a few hours a day in but does the zuomies, yes, zoom. We have to put up little little Bill Walls because yes, he does very bad things in the back.

00:12:18
Speaker 2: Room wires and doing such bad things.

00:12:24
Speaker 3: So the other night I thought, I'll just let Bue room while I sleep. Austin was not going to sleep at the time I was going to sleep. Did stay up all night, I'm pretty sure, but I wanted Bew to roam around while I slept, and I kept waking up in Bue would be on.

00:12:45
Speaker 4: Top of me on the bed.

00:12:47
Speaker 2: He got on your chest, like nose to nose, or just like he.

00:12:52
Speaker 3: Would be running around on the bed and he would hop on me and then hop off, and he would be so cute. And then eventually Austin did come to bed, and then be was like sleeping next to him, and it was It was very exciting. It seemed like the start of something brand new, an era lived ever after was an air of Bew on the bed. And then we woke up and discovered Bew had peed all over us and the bed.

00:13:22
Speaker 2: Bill was just a pissing machine. Was he staying in one place and pissing?

00:13:28
Speaker 3: No, he was run around and pissing many spots of peace.

00:13:32
Speaker 2: Is there a chance, as I suggested yesterday, that he laid on his back, spun around, just pissed in there and that's how the streams went all over your bed. My mother found that notion hysterical. That really captured imagining what is wrong with you? Why?

00:13:48
Speaker 3: I would be that would be a really wonderful image if that is what happened.

00:13:55
Speaker 2: But what's being communicated with all that urination? What is Bill trying to tell you? Marking you your mind?

00:14:03
Speaker 3: You marry you? May could be maybe I don't know what was trying to tell me YouTube, No, I don't know what he was trying to tell me.

00:14:18
Speaker 2: But I really thought I'm going skat games. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Golden showers bitches, No, no, please, And you're going to be in the tues no please.

00:14:28
Speaker 3: I really thought we were going to enter an era of sleeping on.

00:14:31
Speaker 2: The bed and I can't think of no more pillows on the floor. From now, it's time to build a motor around the bed. Mote filled with bill urine would be okay to swim in you? You know you you? That sounds like a kid's book if I ever heard it. You be you The other day I was I don't know if I should share this then don't. It's not even like remotely scandalous. It's more about if I share it, then the idea is no.

00:15:02
Speaker 3: Longer okay mine only you can share it.

00:15:07
Speaker 2: No, well, that's the thing. If it's if I share it, then other people can google it and it'll create a thing and it'll go because I I came up with a term where you know, I was in conversation with your mother and I used a term where I was like, oh my god, that sounds very cool. I wonder if anyone's ever use that term? Is that a thing? Is there a book called that? And I looked it up and there was none. It's rare when you can look up something on Google and there's no previous entry or use. So I was like, maybe I should call my book that, But I'm like, that's a It would have nothing to do with anything. But it is a cool title. But I'm not going to share it. I'll tell you afterwards. Tell me after you know, I'm going to write it down.

00:15:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, let me see.

00:15:49
Speaker 2: This is just not for the audience to hear, like, you know, because I might it might, I might could be a thing.

00:15:57
Speaker 3: The book is titled Abuse Grandpa, I Abuse grandpappy.

00:16:05
Speaker 2: Taking crewd from a pisson rabbit and ship that ain't marketable.

00:16:08
Speaker 3: Hello, I abuse grandpappy.

00:16:11
Speaker 2: Get him to do funny things like fucking ducks, fucking funk around with redheaded long mustache dudes, little dudes. Get him to like, you know, fucking I'm trying to think, who else bugs bunny and face down the mafia? Oh that I was like all things bugs bunny, selection or you pulling from I'm only fucking pulling from the most famous rabbit whoever didn't really live. Almost there with this title, almost done writing it, I'm ready. I'm gonna text it to you. Oh yeah, that's right. Technology all right, read it, don't read it aloud. It's a fucking fire title, isn't it.

00:17:04
Speaker 1: Oh my gods, I looked it up.

00:17:07
Speaker 2: Then that expression doesn't exist anymore.

00:17:09
Speaker 3: That has nothing to do with it anything, I think so, But I love it.

00:17:14
Speaker 2: It's a good title, right. I was very proud of that, and the fact that it hadn't been used anywhere. Are you googling it now? I double checking my work or something that.

00:17:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just had to fact check.

00:17:29
Speaker 2: And it didn't come up right. No, it's tough to do. I did that a couple of times. Last week. I was very proud of myself coming up with shit don't exist. Good you tough on the Sick World?

00:17:40
Speaker 1: All right?

00:17:41
Speaker 2: How many episodes left?

00:17:44
Speaker 3: I believe two?

00:17:46
Speaker 2: Are you serious?

00:17:48
Speaker 3: We had five left? We've done two of said five.

00:17:52
Speaker 2: So three, well this one, oh, and then after this one, and then after this one, so then the one after this and that we can literally do like you know, to home shows and then have the well the last ones that are always going to be the live one, So you want to be there for it. Kids, Man, you're going to see You're going to see a motherfucker act her dick off.

00:18:22
Speaker 1: Give me back my name moment you're going to.

00:18:25
Speaker 2: See it, And she had to actor dick off because she's playing a man, so true poetic. That's what I would have wrote in the in the critics notes. If I was writing for the schools. Your school paper called the Archer school paper the Oracle, So if I was reviewing the show for the Oracle, that's what I've said. She Harley Quinn Smith in.

00:18:48
Speaker 4: The role.

00:18:50
Speaker 2: Explosive, in the role of John Proctor, acted her dick off. You know what, thank you and everyone, and I er would have been like, well, number one, I would have been called to the principal's office. But like, what you can't say that?

00:19:05
Speaker 3: Are you thinking it's.

00:19:06
Speaker 2: A gear on your mind? We're in an all gar school. I can say that, like number one, you're a forty five year old man.

00:19:12
Speaker 3: Well, why are you writing for the Oracle?

00:19:13
Speaker 2: Yeah? Because my daughter's in the show everything.

00:19:16
Speaker 1: She acted dink Off, she was playing a man.

00:19:18
Speaker 3: How did you get out the Oracle because.

00:19:20
Speaker 2: Nobody else is doing shit with it?

00:19:23
Speaker 3: Do you want to know something?

00:19:24
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:19:24
Speaker 2: I do deeply.

00:19:26
Speaker 3: It's really embarrassing.

00:19:28
Speaker 2: I want to know a secret.

00:19:30
Speaker 3: What it's really really embarrassing for.

00:19:34
Speaker 2: Me or you? For me? It comes from the Archer days. It's an Archer memory. Yeah, now, ladies and gentlemen, an Archer memory with Harley Quinn Smith.

00:19:47
Speaker 3: I never wanted to say this, but since we're in the final days.

00:19:50
Speaker 2: Of Archer reflection with Harley Quinn Smith.

00:19:54
Speaker 3: Okay, So here's the honest truth for those that are like, what.

00:19:57
Speaker 2: The fuck are they talking about? Archer was a all girls' school that Harley went to over in Brentwood, and you went there from grades six to twelve, Yes, six spectacular years. Of the best education one can get in the la based area. Harley's take on it slightly different than.

00:20:23
Speaker 3: The brochures six seven, six, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleven, twelve, seven years.

00:20:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, well they've taught you something because.

00:20:33
Speaker 1: You knew you know math far better than your father.

00:20:36
Speaker 2: So you know, I know you don't like the place, but they've fucking done good because something. Although one could argue you learned basic math at the Little Red Schoolhouse?

00:20:45
Speaker 3: Do we do Wade Schoolhouse in.

00:20:48
Speaker 2: Your scholastic career? We know how you feel about Archer, It's on record. Did you like the Little Red Schoolhouse?

00:20:57
Speaker 3: Loved it?

00:20:58
Speaker 2: So if the Little Red school House what went to twelfth grade?

00:21:02
Speaker 3: I would have stayed you think so? Mom probably wouldn't love me, but I loved it. It was great school, nothing but good memories.

00:21:09
Speaker 2: That were still friends with? Motherfuckers? Who you were friends with? Hell?

00:21:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, am my friends with anyone from Archer?

00:21:15
Speaker 2: No?

00:21:16
Speaker 5: Is that right?

00:21:16
Speaker 2: Not a single Archer, buddy.

00:21:18
Speaker 3: There's like a few that I that I stay in loose contact with. Hey, Hey, I miss you, but didn't hate you too much. No, you never finished.

00:21:29
Speaker 2: So what's the embarrassing thing? Oh?

00:21:33
Speaker 3: Get ready to make to make matters worse.

00:21:35
Speaker 2: See, this is what happens when our heart cancels the show.

00:21:39
Speaker 3: The truth comes out. Yeah, the truth calms out.

00:21:43
Speaker 2: Yeah. I watch the ratings go through the roof and then we get a call from mister the president.

00:21:47
Speaker 3: I heart mister Hart.

00:21:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, mister Hart himself. He's like, I heart. I was like, I Kevin, thank you, and he's like, I just called to say that I Archer show. Will you please come back? And I was like, only for double what you paid his last time? So he's like double zero. Fantastic, welcome back and welcome back scene. Anyway, there you are an archer, all right? Here I was, and you had to make a farcher.

00:22:17
Speaker 3: So I don't know if you recall. I don't know why you would recall. But the Crucible Yeah had two casts. Yeah, there was, Well it was.

00:22:27
Speaker 2: Really the b cast. Is this what that story's bout?

00:22:31
Speaker 3: I mean, in the story, you're gonna find out something.

00:22:35
Speaker 2: Oh ship, were you an understudy? I was not.

00:22:38
Speaker 3: It was two shows understudy.

00:22:40
Speaker 1: What it's not an understudy? What the fuck do you think?

00:22:43
Speaker 2: I am? Dad?

00:22:45
Speaker 3: It was two and two shows?

00:22:47
Speaker 2: Okay, but we did the other show. Who was the other John, who is the lesser John Proctor.

00:22:54
Speaker 3: The John less Apparently it wasn't. It wasn't lesser, but her name was Tolly. I can't remember her last name. And there was an alternate Abigail as well. So Gracie was my Abigail, mamily.

00:23:10
Speaker 2: My mom, your that would have been a memorable show.

00:23:13
Speaker 1: Give me back my name woman.

00:23:15
Speaker 2: And she's just like, hey, Harley Cooky, It's just like, now this is experimental, worthy of.

00:23:25
Speaker 3: This black box theater, pushing the narrative.

00:23:30
Speaker 2: So Gracie Abrams was your Abigail. You're John Proctor. Yes, so she's the one that you're bitching.

00:23:36
Speaker 1: That give me back my name name. Literally, in the plot of.

00:23:42
Speaker 2: The Crucible, this bitch Abigail steals John Proctor's fucking name.

00:23:47
Speaker 3: Is that what happens?

00:23:47
Speaker 2: And he spends the whole movie fighting ninjas to get it back. I believe that's the version I saw. That was pretty big. There is a play, a musical, or just a show. I'm Broadway right now on Proctors The Villain, the musical or just a play.

00:24:03
Speaker 3: I think there's music in it, but I can't be sure. I read a review yesterday that said it has pop music in it.

00:24:08
Speaker 2: I want to see it. Oh, so it could be a jukebox music.

00:24:10
Speaker 3: It could be and my friend is going to be starring in it.

00:24:14
Speaker 2: Get us tickets, brah. And can you ask her for cheap hotel rooms while we're in the city.

00:24:20
Speaker 3: Could you get us a deal at a hotel?

00:24:22
Speaker 2: New York's fucking expensive? Man, You say that as a kid from Jersey because it's doubly insulting because I'm like, look, I don't want to be here in the first place, and you charge me this much money to be here. I come from right over there.

00:24:36
Speaker 1: I could go right the fuck back there.

00:24:38
Speaker 2: The thing about New York is like, and fucking go back there with your fuck go back to Jersey. Oh my god, that's where I grew up. Jeez, I grew up in New Jersey. Really, yeah, we only have It's the state with two eyes and Italian.

00:25:07
Speaker 3: AnyWho.

00:25:08
Speaker 2: So that's how they talk. That's how my relatives spoke. I had relatives that spoke like I wish I wish like that. No, we don't.

00:25:17
Speaker 3: It makes us. It makes us cool.

00:25:19
Speaker 2: You know who? Uh, your buddy Jess Vegan street Fair Jess. She has a bronx accent. She does, and it sounds perfect on her, But that on me.

00:25:29
Speaker 3: No, I wish no way, I wish I had that going for me.

00:25:36
Speaker 2: I wish you had it and you had a chance. Bitch, you grew you were born in fucking Jersey and you turned your back on it. You were like and you went west.

00:25:45
Speaker 3: Yes, when we moved when I was one and a half, you could have put.

00:25:50
Speaker 2: Your baby foot down and somebody would have had a piece of paper with a footprint on it and then put it up on the wall. Because you were so cherished in loved. Yes, you easily could have been fucking so Jersey. No, your mother never would have let you be like true Jersey, like the girls like I grew up with, like Jersey chicks, Jersey girls, if you will, wow, where would she have sent you to school over there? But you don't. I mean you're obviously I'm Central Jersey, so you can't really hear it in my voice.

00:26:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't have a.

00:26:23
Speaker 2: Accent. South Jersey has a kind of Philly adjacent accent, and North Jersey has New York Staten Island Long Island accent. But civilized folks who live in Central Jersey, we're our own people. We sound like ourselves, unidentifiable. You couldn't pick us out. You don't know if I'm from California, Iowa, Rhode Island, Hawaii.

00:26:52
Speaker 3: Until you start speaking for one second and mentioned Red Bank, Atlantic Highlands, Moncastle Cinema's clerk Jersey girl, and then people are like, oh, he's that guy. He's a quick stop perhaps m.

00:27:12
Speaker 2: Congratulations. We haven't gotten to the end of the story, and we will get there, but congratulations, you're you're in a comic book that came out today.

00:27:21
Speaker 3: Well, congratulations, you had a comic book come out today.

00:27:25
Speaker 2: And Archie meets Jane Silent Bob Millie plays a big role, and she and they rendered you in the Archie style, which is like, fucking adorable.

00:27:34
Speaker 3: That's so excited.

00:27:37
Speaker 2: And Millie's narrative has moved forward because it's in it's in cont new it's cannon as far as I'm if.

00:27:44
Speaker 3: Only Riverdale was still going right, Oh my god, we can.

00:27:47
Speaker 2: Segue you over to that show. Jesse over at Archie is just like, would you do this animated? If I get the money? I was like, fuck, yes, hopefully we're gonna track down loot. Fucking would have a voice job, and shit, okay, imagine because everyone loves my voice, we want we want a different voice. I'm like, but she is the character and I'm like, yeah, but we want like Elf Fanning to play her. I'm like El Fanning, like the girl from Super eight. I'm like, oh, I know who she is, but she you got that kind of hel Fanning money.

00:28:22
Speaker 3: You can get me for real cheap.

00:28:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, Harley will do it for like scale scale minus ten. She'll pay her agent.

00:28:31
Speaker 1: Finish your tail.

00:28:32
Speaker 2: So you were, as far as I was concerned, the lead along with Gracie Abrams in a production of the Crucible. But what you're throwing on the table now is there was an alternate, a multi versal production of The Crucible in which neither of you essayed those roles.

00:28:50
Speaker 3: We were in the ensemble during those shows, so.

00:28:54
Speaker 2: You had to watch somebody else be like give me back my name. Woman in the background. You were like, I was like, you're saying along way was?

00:29:05
Speaker 3: They were like, can you stop, You're distracting us.

00:29:08
Speaker 2: I can't concentrate on any of the action. I was riveted by the actress in the back who There's a clip in E T which did you ever see E T. Yes, I don't know, like kids weren't you know, I don't remember forcing you to watch that and stuff. But I don't even know if kids engage with ET anymore today.

00:29:25
Speaker 3: I would definitely say so.

00:29:27
Speaker 2: Little kids, I don't know.

00:29:29
Speaker 3: I guess I mean little kids.

00:29:30
Speaker 2: I don't know what the hell they're doing they're watching? Was that zooma boom? What was that thing that you were like? Oh? La boo boo? Yeah, that's it. They're all about la boo boo and whatnot. Oh my gosh, they the wait, what was my point?

00:29:49
Speaker 3: Got lost in the boma fo kids?

00:29:54
Speaker 2: Oh?

00:29:54
Speaker 3: Et?

00:29:56
Speaker 2: So in E T there's a scene thank you. In E T. There's a scene where the sh around the table before they go out to the shed where they hear noise, and young Henry Thomas plays Elliott. He's barking at the kids at the table, one of whom is a young C. Thomas Howel the other kid who plays his brother. And then there's another guy at the table and I can't remember if it's young Seen Thomas Howl or the other boy at the table. But when he when you know, Elliott goes shut up and everyone looks at him. And he goes, nobody go out there. If you watch the scene, the boy who's back is kind of a camera, but it's more of a three quarter. As Elliott is saying it, he goes, you can watch him say, that's so goofy. He's very silly.

00:30:42
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Does the et Ride still exist in Florida?

00:30:48
Speaker 2: In Florida, I don't think so. Don't exist up in Hollywood? Oh yeah, they killed that long time.

00:30:52
Speaker 3: I think it exists in Florida.

00:30:56
Speaker 2: No, I don't think it exists anywhere. Yeah, God, if I'm we know only there was a way to find out. Me me me yam me me me good Bye Hardly, Oh my god, bye kid, Then goodbye birdie lady. I think good bye you.

00:31:27
Speaker 3: Really is et though? Is the t Ride?

00:31:33
Speaker 2: That's why I canceled the show, Like this ain't fucking entertainment. Nobody wants to watch you fucking bitches, Google stupid ship.

00:31:40
Speaker 1: Nobody fucking cares about memore.

00:31:41
Speaker 3: Leave me alone.

00:31:43
Speaker 2: It is open at the universally.

00:31:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, still exists et Ride.

00:31:51
Speaker 3: Let's get our asses about there.

00:31:53
Speaker 2: Why it's the fucking worst there. There's my hot take. This is what's going to get us picked up again though. Oh wait, what a fucking thirty year old theme park dark ride.

00:32:05
Speaker 1: That's his hot take. He's standing on business.

00:32:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, that ride sucks. No one fucking doesn't. Dude. It's trash.

00:32:12
Speaker 3: Are you fucking kidding?

00:32:13
Speaker 2: Total trash?

00:32:15
Speaker 3: I look it, but you're on a little bike, ratchet, You're on your own little bike.

00:32:19
Speaker 4: Look it.

00:32:19
Speaker 2: I'd rather go to Keensburg Amusement Park. Oh my god, one of their fucking rides.

00:32:24
Speaker 3: Please put some goddamn respect on the eut rides.

00:32:27
Speaker 2: Now. You put all the respect in the world on the movie. But that ride, even for its time, was.

00:32:31
Speaker 3: A big letdown, all right, And what's your favorite ride in the world of all times? The Simpsons ride a universal.

00:32:39
Speaker 2: I mean, I did love that, but that's not my favorite ride in the whole world.

00:32:41
Speaker 3: What's your favorite ride in the whole world?

00:32:42
Speaker 2: If I had to narrow it down.

00:32:44
Speaker 3: You're probably getting rid of the Simpsons right by the way, Yeah.

00:32:48
Speaker 2: That makes sense, right, Like, at the end of the day, Disney owns the Simpsons, so they're like, we'll do it.

00:32:52
Speaker 3: That made me so nauseous.

00:32:54
Speaker 2: Love that ride, but it was you know, that replace Back to the Future, which was a fantastic.

00:33:01
Speaker 3: I don't think ever you were on it.

00:33:03
Speaker 2: You just don't remember because you were.

00:33:06
Speaker 3: Right, of course, his child.

00:33:12
Speaker 2: What was that before?

00:33:14
Speaker 3: Your favorite ride?

00:33:18
Speaker 2: My favorite ride? I think it would have to be like Hauna Mansion. Excuse me still to this day. Really, it's my pace, my speed. I don't need it to be thrilled. I can throw myself and I'm thrilled enough to see the ghosts and ship like that. I don't need it to go super fast and down fucking slopes and ship which you know what? And also the voice, I'm your host ghost hoast that is? That's Paul Freeze. Oh is it? You know Paul Freeze also played to.

00:33:55
Speaker 1: Oh he smokes Bullwinkle.

00:34:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, whoa, that's cool.

00:34:03
Speaker 2: He did a lot of vocal work back in the day. He had that voice. He's also the voice of the Pirate turn Around girls show him here. Well they probably took that off the Pirate Ride, right they the women.

00:34:15
Speaker 3: For the best, for the absolute best.

00:34:19
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I can't fighting you by a stretch of imagination. I'm just trying to think of his voice. I think he's also Blackbeard or whoever you know they got two pirate ships or pirate ship and a fort fighting. I think he's the lead pirate as well. But he does a lot of vocal work for Disney so did.

00:34:37
Speaker 1: Back in the day.

00:34:38
Speaker 3: You have your voice and a ride at Disneyland.

00:34:43
Speaker 2: Right, Oh my, I'll I'm your host, ghosts and they will never get rid of that voice. I conic read this voices now ghost actually read this. Al Disneyland announced his closure a beloved ride a seventieth anniversary celebration a kicks off, so they closing it temporarily to.

00:35:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, but doesn't that seem so misleading?

00:35:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, they put up a picture of the of the of the.

00:35:16
Speaker 3: Haunted mansion saying it's right, but it ain't. But no, but this is the New York Post And I found that so misleading.

00:35:27
Speaker 1: What that's like saying like I went to the beach and there was sad I didn't know that.

00:35:35
Speaker 2: It was like a New York Post invented bait and switch before there was an Internet.

00:35:40
Speaker 3: That it's that was crazy to me.

00:35:43
Speaker 2: My friends just described the opinion of most New York Post readers since they started publishing.

00:35:49
Speaker 3: That's I didn't know.

00:35:51
Speaker 2: I'm your Post is the home of the most famous fucking headline in headline history.

00:35:57
Speaker 1: What what is it? Headless body found in topless bar?

00:36:04
Speaker 2: WHOA, It's true headline, I mean one of the other ones. Cop gives waitress two million dollar tip. And they turned that into a movie. And that was the name of the title of the movie when they were shooting it, and then they changed it right before it came out, and guess what they called it now. I'm gonna give you that title again, Cop gives waitress two million dollar tip. Memorable, isn't it? Yeah, you would never forget the title of that movie. It was that and I came from a New York Post headline, but it got noted and exect to death with people going, I don't know how many people understand that. And so they changed the title too, the very generic, very vanilla milkshake. It could happen to you. Nicholas Cage Bridget Fonda went from fucking a movie with a killer.

00:36:57
Speaker 1: Title, no doubt.

00:36:58
Speaker 2: That's the whole reason they opened a script. If they were handed a script at that point in their careers, they're both like maestros of their craft and commanding huge salaries.

00:37:08
Speaker 1: If somebody handing them a.

00:37:09
Speaker 2: Screenplay on covers that it could happen to you. They would not even open the fucking script.

00:37:14
Speaker 1: Well gotten to open the script? Was that cool? Last title?

00:37:16
Speaker 3: It's a good point.

00:37:18
Speaker 2: Then the student thank you.

00:37:19
Speaker 3: Mistakes were made.

00:37:20
Speaker 2: I just wanted to say that my whole life, and I finally said it. There you go.

00:37:25
Speaker 3: Great job.

00:37:25
Speaker 2: Maybe the show coming to it and is for the best, because now I'm starting to say all the shit I never said before anything else.

00:37:32
Speaker 3: I didn't finish the Crucible story.

00:37:33
Speaker 1: I'm waiting.

00:37:34
Speaker 3: Okay. So here's where it gets a little scandalous.

00:37:38
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:37:40
Speaker 3: There was a school theater yearly award show of all the schools.

00:37:48
Speaker 2: So not just Archer, no, of all the schools, all what schools called private girls schools or schools in the district or schools in America, schools.

00:37:57
Speaker 3: In the district, I'm assuming, and critics of the sort high school theater reviewers so oh.

00:38:05
Speaker 2: Like people that wrote for the Oracle and shit, no.

00:38:08
Speaker 3: No, these are full adults would come.

00:38:11
Speaker 1: It was adult and for the Oracle until.

00:38:13
Speaker 2: They threw me out.

00:38:14
Speaker 3: They would come and watch the performances, and then at a certain point in the year there would be nominations announced four different categories.

00:38:25
Speaker 2: This is part of the story where you present the one that you won your certificate.

00:38:31
Speaker 3: I was not nominated, however, the other John Proctor.

00:38:40
Speaker 1: Was, and I believe she won for the whole school world.

00:38:47
Speaker 2: Yes, the Interscholastic John Proctor Award went to the John Proctor.

00:38:54
Speaker 1: Who was the other John Proctor?

00:38:57
Speaker 2: To you, Yeah, the kmart On Proctor became the Tiffany John Proctor.

00:39:03
Speaker 3: Apparently I was the kmart.

00:39:06
Speaker 1: That John Proctor was.

00:39:10
Speaker 2: Tasha Leone? Who was it?

00:39:13
Speaker 1: Something?

00:39:14
Speaker 2: Did she go on to act?

00:39:15
Speaker 3: I don't think so. I don't know what. I don't know. As I said, I can't remember her last name.

00:39:20
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not like it ain't like in your fugging face. But you may not have won, but you've been in movies like Quentin Tarantino puts you in a movie.

00:39:28
Speaker 3: But I didn't win that award for my role as John Proctor.

00:39:32
Speaker 2: Yes, he won in life, and I would say that being in the Quentin Tarantino movie, particularly that one which is fucking beloved. They're making a sequel. Do you think you get to be in it?

00:39:43
Speaker 3: I don't think so.

00:39:44
Speaker 1: What what if Brad Pitt's coming back? They gotta bring you back? All the once is who's directing it.

00:39:54
Speaker 2: It's a Fincher.

00:39:55
Speaker 1: I'm calling my boy Fincher, who I only met once.

00:39:59
Speaker 2: Ironically, I was wearing this jacket when I met it.

00:40:03
Speaker 1: So everything's coming whole circle. On the third to last episode, a beardless, dickless me. Why our hearts getting rid of it?

00:40:12
Speaker 2: I got no idea.

00:40:13
Speaker 3: Lousen's finally being tied up in the in the third.

00:40:16
Speaker 2: Last episodes, right, just like any good fucking mini series. And should problem is, we don't know it was a mini series. We thought it was a Maxi series, and we're for thinking that we are Neo Maxi Zoom Dweebees. What was that? Neo Maxis and Deweebees?

00:40:33
Speaker 3: The boomfoo the boomoo?

00:40:35
Speaker 2: What is it really called? The boo boo? The boo foo boo boo la foo boo boo. That was our name for you when you were a little boo boola foo. There was an award in this house that says the boo boo la fool. That's well, you didn't win the interscholastic contests. And I'm honestly glad I didn't know that until now because it would have changed our relationships.

00:40:59
Speaker 3: You would have disowned early on.

00:41:01
Speaker 2: To your face, I would be like fucking the loving dad I was, But inside I'd be like.

00:41:08
Speaker 4: Only one daughter and the shame she has brought to this house by not being the best job progg in the Interscholastic contest.

00:41:19
Speaker 1: I just found out about in the Year of My Lord twenty twenty seventeen, I was invited to.

00:41:30
Speaker 2: Do a thing, and I'm gonna tell you what it is, but it was let me see. It's an awards ceremony for little kids. Okay, it's called I guess, let me see if you've ever heard of it? The Young Artist Academy, Hollywood's longest running youth awards, established nineteen seventy eight. You ever win one?

00:41:55
Speaker 3: That seems a little rude to see.

00:41:57
Speaker 2: A nonprofit organization dedicated to drinking young artists. Memorandum of understanding the Young Artist Academy. Kevin Spit hosting the forty sixth annual Young Arts Academy Awards on July nineteenth, twenty twenty five.

00:42:16
Speaker 1: Problem is, I'm not hosting. They sent me this thing, and I was like, my fucking hosting. I read it the other day.

00:42:23
Speaker 2: I thought I was presenting again an award and I was like, yeah, I'm over present it's only at the DGA.

00:42:27
Speaker 1: I can roll down there. No, because I got this thing and I'm like hosting.

00:42:34
Speaker 2: What the fuck? So I called up Jordan and I was like, I ain't hosting anything. I said yes to presenting. She goes read the document and I went back and looked at the document and it does say they were offering me the hosting duties, but I just assumed they had had other names, and I thought it was just like here's the other presenters.

00:42:51
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, great.

00:42:52
Speaker 2: So I had to be like, bro, look I love to help out, but I got build boundaries and shit like that, like I got no ties this organization. I'm happy to present, but like I'm not your host or anything. And so they came back and said, can you do the opening two minute speech and present the first award? And I was like yeah, okay, and they're like all right, we're gonna call that host though. Oh my god, So I'm hosting, uh open the show with the one to two minute speech and introduce the first awards. Category script will be provided so.

00:43:25
Speaker 3: I don't have to like you're not gonna say it.

00:43:28
Speaker 2: Let me tell you some someone gives you a.

00:43:30
Speaker 1: Script, don't no script, Oh no no.

00:43:34
Speaker 2: If they need me to stay on script, I will. It's a young Person's award, So I'm not gonna get up there and be like you motherfucking little cutlets have not understand that like this, Fuck yeah, I can't.

00:43:46
Speaker 3: I mean, I could foresee you doing that of that before.

00:43:49
Speaker 2: I'm not saying like, what are you dumb? I'm asking have you ever heard.

00:43:52
Speaker 1: Of that before?

00:43:53
Speaker 3: Say it again?

00:43:53
Speaker 2: The I didn't memorize it, Well, you are the host.

00:43:57
Speaker 1: I'm on record, Harley on record.

00:44:01
Speaker 3: I'm posting on Instagram.

00:44:03
Speaker 2: I mean, they're they already said, They're like, we're putting this up, you know, in the world tomorrow. And I was like, okay, I guess the Young Artist Academy.

00:44:13
Speaker 1: They're doing it at the DGA, which is for.

00:44:17
Speaker 2: The uninitiated, the Director's Guild of America, which is not far from where we live. And as a DGA member, I know exactly where the places and it's right across the street from where we used to drop Harley off.

00:44:30
Speaker 3: To go to school, where I went to school to play a role that I would did not get a word nominator.

00:44:36
Speaker 2: The school that was like nominator dominate the other one, the other one.

00:44:43
Speaker 1: Proctor number one, Wait what nothing.

00:44:48
Speaker 3: Nothing, I'm propter number two, Proctor B.

00:44:53
Speaker 2: Was that dude involved, mister fucking Skanky or.

00:44:56
Speaker 3: Whatever his name was, mister Farley, y'all'll name him.

00:45:05
Speaker 2: He was not. Oh, so you can't blame this on him.

00:45:08
Speaker 3: Now look at that.

00:45:12
Speaker 2: Now the healing can begin.

00:45:15
Speaker 3: And just now the healing can begin twenty twenty five.

00:45:18
Speaker 2: You can reach out to old Fartley and be like, you know what, man, you were like that fucking dude in the Drummond movie. You pushed me whiplash, You're my whiplash, and you give him a big hug. Credits Oh my god, title iHeart Fartley. Yes, now that's a script that Bridget Fauna and Nick Cage at the height of their careers, would open up title. But if it then became the blandly titled Friendship, I forgot.

00:45:50
Speaker 1: They just did that movie. Wait, take a podcast. Was no slam on that.

00:45:56
Speaker 2: Movie, but I think with a bland title on purpose. But if they went with a it happens all the time, that's kind of bland.

00:46:07
Speaker 3: What was the other article.

00:46:09
Speaker 1: Called Headless Body found in Topless Bar.

00:46:13
Speaker 3: And has no one made that movie?

00:46:16
Speaker 1: I know, you would think, because I believe they.

00:46:18
Speaker 2: I believe for some reason in my head, I've connected David Spade to a movie with that name. But I don't know they ever made it. Maybe I read an article about they were talking about doing it. Headless Body Found in the Topless Bark. I think we found the new episode title. My heart's like, that's a little disturbing. Now. I'm like, hey man, we're on our way out the door.

00:46:45
Speaker 3: Oh my god, just let it ride, Just let it ride, please. Nineteen ninety five, a comedy crime movie with a four point seven out of ten rating on IMDb.

00:46:56
Speaker 2: Is David Spade in it?

00:46:58
Speaker 1: Am?

00:46:58
Speaker 2: I correct?

00:47:03
Speaker 3: David Selby? No, Paul Williams, no, April Grace, No, Jennifer McDonald, no, Raymond Berry. No, I'm not. I'm not seeing David Spade.

00:47:22
Speaker 2: It's called The Headless Body Found in Topless Bar. Yes, who directed it? It's a great headliner.

00:47:32
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Ten years ago, the genius behind Headless Body in Topless Bar, the headline died.

00:47:42
Speaker 2: The copywriter who came up with Headless Body Found in Topless Bar?

00:47:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, read his name?

00:47:48
Speaker 2: Give miss Proppers.

00:47:49
Speaker 3: Gives his name.

00:47:52
Speaker 2: Oh h vincent A Masuto, Oh Vince Masudo.

00:47:59
Speaker 1: That's quality writing like Shakespeare.

00:48:02
Speaker 2: That will live forever.

00:48:03
Speaker 3: We'll never forget you.

00:48:04
Speaker 2: How many words headless body found in topless Bar?

00:48:09
Speaker 1: Six words that tell a very specific story that ever.

00:48:17
Speaker 2: Almost anybody who's been alive for like at least twenty years, maybe even ten can get their head around there it is? What year was the date on the headline? So I want to say I was working on really read it.

00:48:34
Speaker 3: Here I can tell you is this say.

00:48:41
Speaker 2: Let me see.

00:48:44
Speaker 1: Bh baye blah blah blah.

00:48:45
Speaker 2: Headless bought atoms Bar forty years later, So I should tell you the story right there, let's see.

00:48:52
Speaker 1: By nineteen eighty three standards. There you go.

00:48:56
Speaker 2: That shit happened in nineteen eighty three.

00:48:58
Speaker 3: I was around for it, man, and it really left an impact.

00:49:02
Speaker 2: Captured the captured the nation's imagination. Because again, evocative as fuck, Like that's.

00:49:11
Speaker 1: Some tabloid headlining.

00:49:12
Speaker 2: If you ever fucking once in a lifetime headline, you know what I'm saying. It really is a headless headline.

00:49:19
Speaker 3: No less, Wow, thank you that was a good one.

00:49:24
Speaker 2: Well, I could have worked in the post, but I had lower ambitions. Indie film, I says to myself, could.

00:49:30
Speaker 3: Have been headless, body phone.

00:49:33
Speaker 2: Indy film is the place to be. Farm living is the life for me. You didn't grow up with like Green Acres, did you? You would have loved it. They had a pig named Arnold. He became so fucking famous people tuned in to watch that pig. Really, it's a simpler time. Yeah, there were like three channels. It was very easy to impress people. Very much harder now and now they got an AI. You can tell a fucking thing to create a thing from scratch and they would will. God, entertainment, that's the future. That's the future, and I have no part in that unless I can get people to pay me to type into an AI what they want to see.

00:50:14
Speaker 3: Oh God, let's not spiral out of control here.

00:50:20
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something. If we're gonna talk about the future, I ain't gonna fight the future. I'm gonna fucking look forward to the future. Because me and Harley had a meeting about the future the other day, which is bright.

00:50:36
Speaker 3: It is bright like a phoenix.

00:50:40
Speaker 2: What's gonna rise from the ashes of this fucking burnt, crispy little show? It's gonna be something worth see. Yeah, burn to a fucking Chris Burnt Crispy is gonna be worth watching. It really will watch us grow.

00:51:04
Speaker 3: I truly think we're evolving in the right direction.

00:51:08
Speaker 1: Look, I'm gonna look forward to it because the hook is good.

00:51:14
Speaker 2: It is, it's satisfying, you could say so least. Yeah, So it's a good thing. We got plans, big plans, big fucking plans. We were fired, but now they didn't throw us overboard. You know what here, let me put it this way. I stole this from Ralph He he used this in reference to he'd worked at k Rock for years and then one day they fucking fired him. That was it, because they were doing cutbacks and shit. And you know, then he went and because we've been doing Hollywood Babylon for a while, he was like, oh, I can fucking make my own podcast. And so he started the Ralf Report and he lives on the Raff Report man his Patreon right so beyond. And he did that years before anybody else, years before the rest of the cats who were at Kevin and Bean got fired and had to figure out how to do the same thing he had to figure out years before, so he put it thusly, and I think it's I think it's works in reference to iHeart as well, Ralph said of k Rock, I thought they threw me overboard, and then I realized they'd thrown me into a lifeboat.

00:52:30
Speaker 3: Right, okay, right, so true.

00:52:35
Speaker 2: We could be you know, it could be a case of, well, we're making it a case. I heard throw us overboard, But we fucking we tumbled into a lifeboat, speeding away from this fucking sinking wreck of a podcast.

00:52:54
Speaker 1: Beardless, dickless me. There's only a few left. You better fucking enjoy him.

00:52:58
Speaker 2: Kids, And if you're.

00:52:59
Speaker 1: Listening and you'd never seen it before, you want to lay eyes on it.

00:53:03
Speaker 2: Go to that Kevin Smith club or come to the live fucking show.

00:53:08
Speaker 3: You gotta come to the live.

00:53:09
Speaker 2: Charlie's bringing every dick lit shirt she got left in the world.

00:53:12
Speaker 3: You better sell them out, Yeah, man, you.

00:53:14
Speaker 2: Gotta buy them shirt. She needs it, and shit, she can't afford to fly that shit back home.

00:53:18
Speaker 3: I can't once it gets there.

00:53:22
Speaker 2: Whatever she don't sell, she's just thrown out in the dumpster and back anyway.

00:53:25
Speaker 3: So you better buy them, or you could just wait to get them for out of there's that.

00:53:30
Speaker 2: If you want to go dumpster diving for some pretty nice shirt, it's fair enough. Beardless Dickless Me Live Kids Sunday, August third. Tickets at c smot dot com or some Mydcastle Cinemas website s my Castle Cinemas dot com. You're not gonna want to miss it, No, come see it live.

00:53:50
Speaker 3: And if you miss getting tickets to my dad's birthday show.

00:53:53
Speaker 2: Well well well that's the next best way to celebrate. We're having a Viking funeral for our podcast.

00:53:58
Speaker 3: We really are.

00:53:59
Speaker 2: Come watch us burn the show to the fucking ground.

00:54:01
Speaker 3: It's already crispy, and.

00:54:03
Speaker 2: Watch it with the burnt crispy show that it is. Watch what comes out of it? Watch what happens copyright keV. Watch what happens live there copyright keV in that show.

00:54:14
Speaker 3: That's the show.

00:54:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's your beardless dick.

00:54:21
Speaker 2: Let's meet for this week. Man. People like shows are getting shorter.

00:54:25
Speaker 3: Yeah we're fired.

00:54:28
Speaker 2: Yeah I'm gonna hear like it. There's a goddamn show. We literally got fired and we were like, uh should we finish? Like oh thanks, so so two more after this, two more and then the live show. I mean yeah, technic could be anything.

00:54:45
Speaker 3: It can be anything.

00:54:46
Speaker 2: Two more home shows and then the live show, or at the very least one more home show and then the live show.

00:54:51
Speaker 3: We'll see what We'll see what we got.

00:54:54
Speaker 2: Are you going to San Diego?

00:54:56
Speaker 1: Kids?

00:54:58
Speaker 2: I don't even know why I'm doing this. Only person who watches the show and listens is Virginia, and I know she's not going to San Diego. If you're going to San Diego Comic Con, there are some live shows happening down there, kids. I'm doing Hollywood Babylon with Ralph, I'm doing Me and Jay are doing Archie meets Jane, Sound Abob Live. Gonna read it? Don't you come down and read Betty and Veronica? Do it as built? Do you know what? Can you find out who played the other John Proctor? And I could put in a call and see if that person will come down and read Betty and Veronica too soon?

00:55:32
Speaker 3: I was very vulnerable today. Hey, I told you the truth.

00:55:37
Speaker 2: You won. You don't need that award.

00:55:39
Speaker 1: You got the Award of Life again. And it's so weird that I'm like, you weren't a Quentin Tarantina.

00:55:44
Speaker 2: I mean, you were also in many Kevin Smith movies bariently that means nothing but Kevin. You know, people could be like, oh, Vulgan is your dad, but Quentin Tarantina went your dad as far as I fucking know, So him casting.

00:55:57
Speaker 1: You in a movie is all merit faced.

00:55:59
Speaker 2: Ship. What the fuck You're like? I got a surprise for you. I wasn't the best John Proctor. I was like, well, I'm going to ship and you're like, good, here's the real surprise.

00:56:09
Speaker 1: Quentin tarantine is my dad?

00:56:10
Speaker 3: Like, what the fuck?

00:56:14
Speaker 2: There it is? Kids, there's your beardless stickless me for this week, and we're gonna go do beardless dickless plus behind the club wall Man at that Kevin Smith club.

00:56:23
Speaker 3: For the third to last time.

00:56:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's ending to people like, what the fuck? It's all coming to clothes? But wait, doing you see what fucking comes after it? Oooh, all right, there it is kause, there's your beardless stickles's me for beardless stickless me. I'm Kevin Smith. Go have a beardless stickless day.

00:56:51
Speaker 5: This has been a podcast production some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey, kids, did you like what you just heard?

00:57:03
Speaker 2: Well?

00:57:04
Speaker 5: Guess what we've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that kevinsmithclub dot com.

00:57:11
Speaker 2: Go sign up now,