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Dive into the joy of fitness with Lindsay and other guests exploring how it goes well and beyond the gym floor, the number on the scale, the size of your waist or the calories you're counting.
Lindsay: Hey guys.
Welcome to the Lifting Lindsay podcast.
Today I want to share a quote
from a book that we're reading,
in the Be Strong membership.
It's called The Mountain is
You Transforming Self-Sabotage
into Self Mastery.
Now, for any of you who have
followed me for a while, you know
I love a good self-help book.
I really do.
So this is a new one.
I haven't read it before.
But it, it's, it's turning into
one that I will, definitely
be encouraging people to read.
And it's just very, very uplifting and
inspiring and it's so positive and it is
not shame-based encouragement to change.
I, I think she did an amazing
job of really empowering you with
understanding and desire to change.
I wanted to share this one quote
because I thought it was so good.
I wanna speak on it a little
bit because it reminded me of,
something that happened in my
own life that I'd like to share.
And then it reminded me of a question
that I get a lot with clients when
they're frustrated because they feel like.
What do I do?
My friends, they don't encourage me.
They're not understanding.
Um, sometimes they're rude.
Uh, my mother-in-law feels the need
to make comments, about what I eat
and how I look every time I go to,
Sunday Family Dinner, that those.
Were questions that I got
a lot as, I coached people
one-on-one.
So I wanna share this quote with
you from this book, Mountain is
You and I really would encourage
those of you, it is so good.
I really like it.
And so I, this is a book that I, I do
wanna encourage others to listen to.
I really like listening
to books when I walk.
I have books that I read and then I
also have books that are on Audible
that I listen to when I, when I walk.
And part of, in the Be Strong membership,
there's the the Walking Book Club.
And every month we have a new book
and I encourage you just to walk
for 15 minutes and listen to it.
'cause I do think it's important
that as we are trying to step into
the best version of ourselves.
And I'm not, when I say that, I hope, you
know, I'm not just referring to fat loss.
The best version of yourself is fat
loss because it's not for everybody.
And for most people, the best
version of themselves looks like
building muscle and doing hard things
every day and learning how to, um.
Eat proper nutrition so that you can
just function with high energy and that,
that your sleep is good and that you
can actually think well and you feel
good and you don't have an unhealthy
relationship with food and fitness.
Like health looks so different for
everybody, and I wanna encourage everybody
to find the healthy lifestyle that, that
fuels them and makes them feel the best.
One person, the healthy lifestyle
is going to the gym six times a week
because it's their, their time and
they, they love it and they'll spend
an hour and a half, sometimes two
hours, and they just, they love it.
You know, they send their kids
to school and head to the gym and
it is an amazing time for them.
And then they feel like they
can tackle the whole day.
Other people are like, well, they
have a different life and schedule
and they have, you know, three days a
week that they can get into the gym.
And that's health for them, right?
That's what healthy looks like for them.
And, and in between, um, you know,
breaks at work, they can go and do 10
minute walks just to get their mind.
Thinking really well,
and just that blood flow.
It, it really does help with productivity
just to not be sitting at a desk the
whole time, but look for opportunities
to, to walk and move and then they
can be more productive at work.
This the, there's, there's
so much versatility.
There's not a one.
Prescription for everybody across
the board when it comes to what a
healthy lifestyle is for you, right?
Some women, a healthy lifestyle
is absolutely no alcohol.
Some women, it's like, no, it's
that one drink I have Saturday
night with my husband, right?
You have to find what health is for you.
A healthy balance in your life.
But when I'm talking about stepping
into our higher selves, I'm really
talking about health in all categories.
Healthy body mind relationships, like
when I'm saying we step into our higher
selves, I want to encourage people to.
Be the best version of themselves
and but also show up with
honesty and vulnerability.
Being able to show up and say,
yesterday my, my a hundred
percent was I went to the gym.
I, you know, got my 10,000 steps.
I hit my macros.
Today's a hundred percent for me.
It looked different because what
was required of my time and family
and other needs took over more.
Maybe I wasn't able to track everything.
I had to just kind of eyeball.
I got 6,000 steps, no biggie.
We can be flexible.
Why?
Because flexibility is a huge part
of emotional and mental health.
You're too rigid.
You break, we've got to learn flexibility.
'cause that will give you
overall healthy mindset, right?
So, so that's what I'm talking about.
Let me, let me share this quote from
the Mountain is You, she said Your new
life is going to cost you your old one.
I'm just gonna pause there.
The quote goes on.
I love that.
I love that because I don't, I think many
times what we try to do is we try to build
a new life and a new, higher version of
ourselves, but we are trying to carry
all of the old habits and who we are into
this new life, but we cannot do that.
There is a cost.
To becoming the best version of yourself.
And that cost is our old self.
We cannot bring those old habits,
those old negative mindsets into this.
Now.
Now keep in mind I look at this as,
as it's not just one big payment
of, oh, the old self is gone.
The new self is here.
No, this is something we slowly shed
our old self one scale at a time.
That's how it goes.
She goes on to say, so your new life
is going to cost you your old one.
It's going to cost you your comfort zone.
Your sense of direction.
Have you ever felt that before
you move into this new plan?
That's why people are always
trying to say, trust the process,
and you're like, this stupid.
I actually kind of hate that saying.
I, I think it's annoying sometimes,
but that's why what they're, they're
talking about when you, when you
are shedding your old self, you are
in a way stepping into the unknown.
Right.
So it is gonna cost you your comfort
zone in your sense of direction.
It's gonna cost you
relationships and friendships.
It's gonna cost you being
liked and understood.
It doesn't matter.
The people who are meant for you are
going to meet you on the other side.
You're going to build a new comfort zone.
Around the things that
actually move you forward.
Guys, I can testify at that one.
When you first start, and me included,
when I first started trying to
build new habits, I, I was a mess.
I, I didn't have a ton of direction.
Um, I, I tried coaches, but
they, they just taught me to.
To track macros.
They didn't teach me a new lifestyle
of, and that's actually one of the
reasons why, and, and I think when
I first started being a coach, that
was something that I did wrong.
I just would give people a
macro, um, macro numbers to hit.
I never took the time to say,
we are shedding your old self.
We are, we are showing you now step
by step how to create a new lifestyle.
We're gonna start with breakfast
and we are going to find, you know,
these breakfasts that you just love,
that match your nutritional needs and
your protein and, and I wish so bad
that I could go back and change how I
coached those first few years because.
I could have made a much
more powerful impact.
I, I could have really shown step by step,
this is how we build a lasting lifestyle.
And this was something that I, I learned,
you know, as I continued to coach and
I realized what was really important
and what really mattered, right?
But at first you have this, this comfort
zone and when you step out of it and
you're trying to build this new family
food culture, 'cause that's what we're
really trying to do, is establish
a new food culture in your home.
And that is, they're
going to be growing pains.
There's going to be a lot of
tension as we're trying to figure
out what works, what doesn't,
what you like, what you don't.
You're gonna be stepping out of
your comfort zone, but the longer
that you do it, and the more that
you get this entrenched lifestyle
established, that's e it becomes easy.
And all of a sudden you have
this new comfort zone and it's,
it's unbelievable how what was so
hard for you now is so easy now.
Not th not in three weeks.
This new comfort zone isn't built
in three weeks or three months.
This is something that continues to become
ingrained over time, and we get better and
better, and it becomes easier and easier.
So for those of you who are
in this journey right now, and
you're like, oh, that's me.
I'm feeling the tension, I'm
feeling the frustration, I'm
feeling that this isn't gonna work.
Like remember, you are
building a new comfort zone.
It is going to stretch you, and then you
will be amazed in two years to look back
and be like, why was that so hard again?
Sometimes I think coaches forget
and they're like, well, just do it.
I hate that word just
because it's so easy.
Just do this.
Just think this, just do that.
It's that that just word
holds so much weight.
It's like it is not just that easy.
Right?
So it's a process.
I love how she said it.
You are building, well, think about
that word, building something.
When you're building something,
does it happen in a day?
No.
You actually need a lot of
tools to build things, right?
If you're gonna build a house, you need
to gather as many tools as possible.
And you'll need help from people
who have built a home before you.
This is how you do this.
This is how you do the framing.
This is how you do the plumbing.
Maybe that was a really complicated
example because I dunno if I
would dive into building a home.
But anything that's new, I had
this moment in time that it was a
moment in time where I was really
inspired by my neighbor's garden.
So what do I do?
Well, I don't have the tools.
I don't have the knowledge, I don't
have, and I also don't have the time
under my belt that my neighbor has in
studying it out in trial and error.
She's done a lot of that
and I don't have that.
So what do I need to do?
Well, I wanna learn from her,
so I'm gonna reach out to her.
I'm gonna find out what are the tools that
I need, what are the books that I need?
What do I need to know?
What can I plant?
What am I not gonna kill?
Probably everything.
Yes, like there's so much, but I, I need
somebody to hold my hand in some things.
'cause I just, I've never done it before.
So as you're building something
new, keep that in mind.
Be patient with yourself.
You've never really.
Built it and, and you could
say, well, no, I did one time.
I lost weight and then I regained it.
So you didn't build a new lifestyle.
You didn't, you had a quick,
you got into a diet and then
you went back to your old self.
You, you hadn't yet put the time into
building this new comfort zone around the
things as Brianna the, uh, author says.
That actually move you forward.
So going back to this quote, I'm
gonna kind of take a step back 'cause
I'm sure you've forgotten that, what
I've even shared about the quote.
But she said, the people who
are meant for you are going
to meet you on the other side.
You're gonna build a new comfort
zone around the things that
actually move you forward.
Instead of being liked,
you're gonna be loved.
Instead of being understood,
you're gonna be seen.
All you're going to lose is what was
built for a person you no longer are.
I just love that.
I thought that was so good.
So let me share a personal experience
when, when she says it will cost
you relationships and friendships.
So when I first started getting into
fitness, one thing that I noticed was
how me choosing to change certain things
about my lifestyle and habits, which then
had a direct impact on what I looked like
that seemed to threaten other people.
Some people were inspired.
It was interesting.
People who didn't really know me
seemed more inspired, people who
knew me and had spent a lot of time
with me, kind of, I, they tended
to be a little bit more threatened.
Kind of interesting how that worked.
So me choosing to change my life
and find this new fun goal and
success was really exciting for me.
I quickly learned that it was
not exciting for everyone.
Some people seem to take it very
personally, almost like they felt like
because I decided to change and I was like
them, but I decided I wanted to change
and have a different outcome in my life.
They felt like it was a direct
attack against them and their
life choices and how they lived.
The truth of the matter is I
wasn't judging them at all.
To be honest, I was, I was a
little bit more caught up in the
excitement of the changes that I
was seeing in my own life to really
look around and judge anybody else.
And if I did look around, I was excited
because I, I wanted other people to
rise up with me and feel good the
way I felt and feel more energy and
lose that, you know, postpartum 30
pounds that I had put on with Hazel.
I just wanted other people to.
Feel good.
So I actually did lose
one close relationship.
Um, I couldn't hang out with her
without her making some jabbing remarks.
And the remarks were
over and over and over.
Like at first it was
kinda like, haha, funny.
And then after a while I'm like,
Alex, are you kind of noticing this?
He's like, yeah, it's uncomfortable.
Like.
Why does she have to say anything?
I'm like, okay.
Like it's not just me.
I'm not overly sensitive.
Like, he's like, no, it's pretty obvious.
I'm like, okay.
Thank, thank you.
I remember one time it, it, it had
finally gotten to the point where they
weren't just like sly little jabs.
It was very direct.
It was very much.
I, I actually made it a point to
avoid all conversation of body,
of working out of nutrition.
Like I wouldn't, I wouldn't even like
talk about like, are we gonna go to lunch?
Like, I didn't even wanna
talk about food at all.
I would try my hardest to avoid it.
Unfortunately, this individual,
um, always wanted to talk about it,
but if I ever said anything, then
she would get annoyed and upset.
It was very uncomfortable for me,
so I would do my best to avoid any,
any, any conversation about that.
And there's definitely more
to me than health and fitness.
So there were other things that we
could talk about, but there were,
there was one day that it was just,
it kind of got to the point where
I just, I couldn't take it anymore.
And, um, she had made a remark saying,
well, I'm focusing on my family and
what's really important in life, not
like you, and just focusing on muscle.
And it was just the weirdest
comment and so outright jabbing.
Anyways, I don't, clearly,
I'm still a little sad by
those remarks and it, it just.
Just came to a head where I was just
like, I can't, I can't do this anymore.
I don't want to.
This isn't fun anymore.
You're not fun anymore.
And I knew it wasn't about me.
I knew that this person had deep
heartache and insecurities and I
just was a trigger for all of that.
Somebody who.
Decided to finally do it and change
and, and really put my head down and,
and hit my goals, and, and I, I know
it wasn't about me so much as I was
a reminder of what she really wanted
and was frustrated and very resentful.
That the choices hadn't been made to
get there, but as much as that was
a, a, a heartache to kind of just
have to take time away from that
relationship, um, because I loved it
so much, I, I knew I had to step away.
You know, I'm so glad I changed
my life and my habits and my
routines over the past eight years.
I have grown to really respect myself
and actually be proud of myself.
I was showing up in my life in
ways of discipline that I hadn't
ever, and, and as I showed up for
myself, not every day was perfect.
Not every day is gonna be, but, but
I was noticing this pattern of, I
was showing up more consistently
for myself, disciplined over time,
more and more and more and more.
And it got easier and
more fun as time went on.
And it did it, it made me respect
myself and pretty soon, I've talked
about this before, my self love.
Blossomed and it was an intrinsic thing.
It came from within and the deeper and
more internally rooted that became,
the more I realized and now know, I'm
actually the only one who can disrupt
my peace because it comes from within.
Now I can choose to hand
that over to other people.
I'm not perfect.
I'm human, very human.
Just this week I decided to hand
that piece over to somebody who
didn't deserve to have that control.
But it's good to know
and to remind myself, no.
I chose to let them disrupt my peace.
So here's my advice about people
who you think don't understand your
goals and you're frustrated by it.
One, we usually are frustrated by it
because we feel like for one reason
or another we feel like we deserve
to have this individuals respect.
Um.
Understanding, encouragement.
We feel like because of the
relationship we have, it's what we want.
We want that from them,
but we're not always going to get it.
And I know I've spoken on this before,
but I do believe that many times we just
have to release ourselves of the desire.
Because we can't control other people,
and the more we try to control them, the
more that they're going to strong arm
us and not want to actually understand
or respect or encourage or whatever.
Where I think we go wrong is we,
we one, expect and think that
everybody should understand us.
When the truth is they're dealing
with their own stuff in their life
and maybe we're not seeing them as
real people, but as an it a means for
us to feel validated when validation
should come from within ourselves.
If we truly believe that, that
the path that we're choosing is
right, then you don't need the
validation from other people.
To constantly seek that out and need
it is going to give you none other
than heartache, and you're not going
to experience true joy in your life.
We cannot place that on other people.
They're dealing with their own stuff.
They're dealing with their own
insecurities, their own pasts.
Their own heartaches and scars and hurts,
and we may think that we know what they're
thinking, but we actually probably don't.
I mean, that's just something
that I've kind of over time
and experienced realized.
I, I've never been that person.
I don't have their mind.
I don't have their history.
I don't have their heartaches.
I don't have their experiences.
They're probably just trying to survive
the day, and I'm over here upset
because maybe I've triggered them and
then they triggered me, and I think
it's all about me and what I deserve.
Instead of kind of turning around and
looking at them as a person and being
like, you know, it's actually okay.
I'm not gonna place this on you.
You don't need to be my cheerleader.
I'm gonna be my own cheerleader, and
I'm gonna have the same grace for you
as I would want someone to have for me.
That's, that's kind of where I've landed
as I've gone through relationships.
Lost some, not been, encouraged,
cheered on, validated by others.
That actually really hurt, and I had to
change me and I had to change my outlook
because I can't change anybody else.
I, I'm, I am gonna say one other thing,
and this is going to be, this is, so, this
is gonna be hard to hear and, and maybe.
You'll say, but I can't have
that conversation with my
mother-in-Law, Lindsay or whomever.
So one thing that I've had clients
say to me a lot is that can be very
hurtful is either their mom or their
mother-in-Law or somebody at family dinner
always has to make a comment, right?
And I would always encourage them to lay
down the boundary and we want to assume
that everybody's going to treat us the way
that we would treat them, but once again,
that's kind of forgetting that everybody
has their own triggers and their own
hurts and heartaches, and scars in life.
And maybe you being mindful
about what you're eating.
Losing weight, maybe that's
triggering someone else and
they're dealing as best they can.
And maybe they're kind of, I don't wanna
say failing, but struggling because
they say things that make you feel hurt.
And I actually did in the, in the,
the relationship that I shared
about previously, I did finally lay
down a boundary with that person.
And so I just wanna encourage you,
if you have somebody in your life
who is constantly making those, those
comments, I would just encourage you
to pull them aside and be like, let's
just say it's your mother-in-Law.
We're just gonna use that example.
Just gonna encourage you to pull
'em aside and be like, you know,
you are such a loving woman.
Even if you don't feel it, um, you.
I know that you love me and my family.
I know that you wouldn't intentionally try
to hurt me sometimes when you say X, Y,
and Z, it does hurt my feelings though,
and I realize you probably just don't
know it because if you knew it, I just
don't think you would ever say anything
to intentionally hurt my feelings.
But can I just ask you to be a little
bit more aware that those, those things
do sting me and I, and I just love you
and, and I, I just think it's important
that, you know, you know, too often
we don't have the hard conversations
and we, we think we are being kind by
not having the hard conversations, but
we're actually not, because we drive
away from their house and we complain
about them and we build resentment.
We're not being kind at all.
That's not kind to build that
resentment and that hate and
let it fester and say all these
negative things about the person.
And this is, this is, this is hard guys.
This is like, this is big kid stuff,
relationship stuff, you know, having
the courage to, to lay down a boundary.
Loving yourself enough to be like,
I'm gonna release myself of this
resentment, but in order to do it,
I need to lay down this boundary and
let them know, and then let it go.
That's, that's hard.
I do wanna strongly encourage, and
I want to encourage you to think
about this and not just jump to
the conclusion that you can't.
Hard conversations.
Well, they're hard, right?
They are.
But whenever I go into a hard
conversation with real love in my heart.
Not looking at them as an it, as a means
to just give me what I want, but looking
at them as a real individual who must
be hurting because that's why people
treat people bad is when they're hurting.
I always have great conversations.
Well, I shouldn't say always.
Most of the time I have
great conversations.
I can't control when I don't.
I can't control the way
the other person takes it.
I can only control my heart and
express myself with kindness, but
also with love and, and self-respect
to put down that boundary.
So I just wanna encourage you to do that.
If you cannot do that, you have to still
work on releasing yourself of the build
to up resentment and just accept the
fact that, you know what, this person
is just gonna make these comments.
This person is just not going
to understand, and that's okay.
I don't need them to understand, for me
to keep pursuing my goals and hitting
them because this is not about them.
It's about you becoming the
best version of yourself.
Hopefully this, this,
um, episode was helpful.
I really do love this book and I just
wanna encourage you guys to read it.
The Mountain is You transforming
self-sabotage into self-mastery.
I love, as I'm working towards
self-development, stepping into
my higher self to constantly be
listening to podcasts and books
and people who are uplifting.
And so this is just one of
those that I really wanna
encourage you to, to check out.
Thank you so much for joining
me today, guys on this episode.
If you have any questions at all, shoot
me a DM on Instagram at Lifting Lindsey.
You can always go to be strong dot lifting
lindsay.com and sign up for our training
program, be part of our membership
where we do the Walking Book Club.
We have, uh, weekly, monthly challenges
where you can win some fun stuff.
Today, one of the app users won, uh,
Reebok Nanos brand new lifting shoes.
My favorite ones, actually, I just
wanted to share those with people.
The giveaways are usually some of my
favorite things that I just absolutely
love, whether it's cooking supplies, or
leggings or shoes or equipment in the gym,
I just absolutely love giving those away.
So if you want to join us, you can go
to be Strong dot lifting lindsey.com.
We actually have a new program, a
Glutes and Dealt emphasis program
that is starting April 8th, and
we'd love for you guys to join us.
You have a wonderful week.