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Each week a discussion guide is published for the latest sermon at North Coast Church (northcoastchurch.com). The discussion guides are based on the study questions that are available for each sermon. We hope these guides help facilitate the discussion for your group.
Imagine that you took a bunch of time
off of work, spent a lot of money for
outfits and wedding presents, all for
your friend's wedding, and then the
groom shows up eventually and suddenly
says, "Wait, I don't know half of you."
Hey, leaders and hosts.
Welcome to week three.
I'm your host, James Browning, the
new global adult ministries pastor
at North Coast, and starting this
week, I get to be one of the voices
you hear on your way to group.
A lot is changing around here,
including the format of this podcast,
the leader guide, and the website.
I think you're gonna like it, but if
you don't like it, there's gonna be
plenty of ways for you to let us know.
Head to the leader guide page, and there's
a couple places where you can email me
directly, or you can just reach out to
me, uh, jbrowning@northcoastchurch.com,
and let me know how much you
hate it or love it or, uh, if
you just wanna hang out sometime.
I'd love to meet you.
Let's get into this week for group itself.
Chris preached Matthew chapter 25,
verses one through 13, the The parable
of the 10 virgins or the 10 bridesmaids,
depending on your translation.
The title of this week's sermon is
If Heaven Is Real, Am I In or Out?
So, you know, light stuff this week.
The warm-up section in the leader
guide is actually pretty light.
What do you find yourself
constantly checking?
Your phone battery, your fantasy
football score, Life360 on your
teenager or parents, whichever.
No judgment.
Then what are you counting down to?
Christmas Vacation, whatever.
And what stuck with you from this weekend?
The know it section asks the
difference between knowing Jesus
is coming back and living ready.
And then there's one that you might
wanna camp out on a little bit, which
is, if someone said to you, "How do
you know Jesus actually knows you?"
On what grounds would you answer?
Comes with five passages on assurance.
Hang on to that one.
will come back to it here in a second.
The next section, share it.
This starts hopeful.
Have you ever seen God change
someone you never expected?
Uh, hopefully, this will get some
pretty good discussion going.
Then it gets personal.
Is your faith running on
your own oil or borrowed oil?
Live it asks, what changes if
grace can't be transferred?
And it lands in Galatians six,
"Don't grow weary in doing good."
Oh, and new this week, right
under the warm-up, there's
an optional kinship question.
Who in your life are
you becoming more like?
Are you glad about that?
Uh, this is not the opportunity
to tell your wife that she's
becoming just like her mother.
Uh, we're looking to build
relationships here, not tear them down.
But if someone does ask
that question, let us know.
We're thinking about starting a
marriage ministry, uh, marriage
recovery support ministry soon.
Good luck.
Uh, it is a bonus question.
It's not homework, it's just
to build some conversation.
If you try it, tell us how it went.
There's a link in the guide
to email me or message me.
I'd love feedback on all of this.
You can also email me directly at
jbrowning@northcoastchurch.com.
I'd love to hear from you and meet you.
Okay.
Let's move on to a new section
called The Rabbit Hole.
So I'm reading the story, and the first
thing that bugged me was the lamps.
In my head, it's always been
those little clay oil lamps,
kinda like from the movie Aladdin.
You set it on a shelf, it
glows all night, very peaceful.
And if that's the picture, the foolish
bridesmaids don't seem so foolish.
They seem fine.
Who packs a backup bottle of oil
for a lamp that lasts all night?
But the word Matthew uses here is
lampas, and it turns out that's the
same word John uses for the torches
the soldiers carry when they come
to arrest Jesus in the garden.
Torches, a stick wrapped in
rags soaked in oil on fire.
A German scholar named Joachim
Jeremias dug into wedding customs
from that area and made the case
that this is what they were.
And a rag torch doesn't burn all night.
It burned for not actually that long.
You have to keep soaking it.
So extra oil isn't overpacking.
Extra oil is kind of the job.
All right.
So why all the waiting?
Well, here's how a wedding worked.
First, the betrothal.
That's a legally binding.
You're legally married, but
also not actually married.
This was same as with, Joseph and
Mary, , before Jesus was born.
Then the groom goes away to
prepare a place for the bride.
That sounds familiar.
It's because Jesus says almost exactly
that same thing in John fourteen.
"I'm going there to
prepare a place for you.
I will come back."
And then at some point, with no date
on the invitation, He comes, often
at night, torches, a procession,
the whole town in the street.
We see this sometimes with funerals
in the Bible as well, when Jesus was
coming into a town and happened to
run into a whole funeral procession.
This was not uncommon in that time
I tend to think, you know, like an
hour and a half of appetizers at
a modern reception where everybody
waits for the couple to finish photos.
It's like that, but could be
months long instead of two hours.
And I get annoyed if that's too long.
I, I recommend doing the photos before
the wedding, but that's probably the
efficiency in me versus the romantic
Now, here's what gets me though.
All 10 of them look identical.
Same invitation, same torch, same outfit.
All 10 fall asleep, all 10 of them, and
Jesus never says a word about the nap.
Nobody gets in trouble for sleeping.
The difference between the two groups
is unnoticeable right up until midnight.
Then the shout goes up, the groom is
coming, and five of them go, "Uh, hey,
we can't-- can we borrow some oil?"
And the other five say, "No,"
which sounds kind of rude, right?
These are bridesmaids.
They should share.
That's the point.
Some things can't be loaned, though.
You can't hand somebody your
relationship with Jesus at midnight.
So the foolish ones head off into
the dark to go buy oil, and the story
never tells us if they found any.
They're just gone.
And while they're gone, the groom arrives.
Everyone goes in, and the door is shut.
That phrase sent me down another
rabbit hole because we recently heard
someone reference the story of Noah.
And in Genesis chapter seven, verse
sixteen, after everyone's in the
ark, it says, "The Lord shut him in."
Same image.
The door stays open a really
long time, and then it's closed.
Okay, and this is the last one.
Jesus' first big sermon, the Sermon
on the Mount, ends in Matthew seven
with the words, "I never knew you."
And the two houses that look
exactly alike until the storm hits.
This Matthew twenty-five is
basically His last big teaching.
It ends with, "I don't know
you," we're gonna see this in
two more parables following this.
So this is the beginning of a larger
conversation about this topic.
So three moments to be ready for.
Let's get a little serious about this
here because this is the part that
can be the toughest part of the job.
First one, am I actually saved?
This is for the people who are doubting.
If they are feeling convicted,
this is your opportunity to tell
them what they can do to be saved.
Again, speaking of doors that are
opening, uh, this is Paul and the
Philippian jailer who rushed in after
the earthquake and said, "What, uh,
what do I have to do to be saved?"
For someone else, they may already
be saved, but they're having doubts.
This is a great discussion opportunity
to share doubts that you've experienced,
to open it up to the room, to allow
other people to share times that they've
doubted and how they were, uh, confirmed
and, uh, persuaded through the Holy
Spirit, through something they read in
the Bible or a sermon or a friend to know
that their salvation is secure it's God
who does work in our salvation, not us.
It's God's love.
It's God's mercy.
It's God who seals us
with His Holy Spirit.
John five verse thirteen, it says, "These
things were written so that you may know."
Assurance isn't arrogance.
It's something God actually
wants His children to have.
If somebody says, "Honestly, I don't
know if I'm saved," First, thank them.
That's a brave thing to say in a life
group A lot of us have felt this way.
If your group knows each other well,
tell that person the fruit you've
actually seen in their life, the
patience, the kindness, the faithfulness.
Sometimes we can see it in each other
before we can see it in ourselves.
And if you're honestly
not sure that they've ever
trusted Jesus, keep it simple.
We've all fallen short.
Jesus died and rose again for us.
Romans 10:9 says that if you declare
that Jesus is Lord and believe God raised
Him from the dead, you will be saved.
And then ask them if they
want to pray that with you.
If they do pray that with you, encourage
them to write it down somewhere.
Sometimes people need a concrete reminder
of when they made that confession.
Not always, and not everyone
has a particular moment in time,
but for those who are prone to
doubting, it's very helpful.
All right, share it number
two, ask whether your faith
is your own or borrowed.
Go first and be honest.
And if someone in your group says
borrowed, this is a great opportunity
to have others in your group share
what they did to make it their own
Number three, grief.
Somebody in your group is going to
think about a dad or grandmother or
brother who died without Jesus, or
who's alive and nowhere near him.
This is a tougher conversation.
You don't have to explain it.
You can't.
None of us knows what happens
in someone's last moments.
We trust a God who's perfectly
just and perfectly loving,
so we just sit with them.
I've performed a lot of funerals where
people have gone through things like this.
It's a tough spot to be, and the
only thing that we can offer them
is the hope of salvation, the hope
that maybe Jesus did know them, maybe
they did confess in the last moments.
Again, none of us know what is in
that, but we all have that same
hope And for the people who are
still here, remind your group Jesus
loves them even more than you do.
He wants them home as
much and more than you do.
So take this opportunity to lift them
up in prayer so that those people
aren't carrying that burden alone.
You can carry them.
You can carry it with
them Okay, one more thing.
This podcast and the new leader newsletter
are going to have your voice in them.
Send me questions, wins from your group,
weird or funny group stories, tough things
about the group, and I really wannaâ¦
And I'd really love for
you to tell on your people.
Who in your group is quietly
amazing and needs a shout-out?
Why?
Tell me their story.
We'll always ask before we share anything,
and every question gets answered here in
the newsletter or on the podcast or on the
website, or from me directly via email.
And one tiny practical thing.
You might wanna consider not only
having snacks out, but a box of tissues
within reach before people show up.
Don't make a thing of it.
It just tells everyone that it's
okay if people cry or sneeze.
It's allergy season.
Last thing, and this one's
for you in particular.
Before you check anyone
else's torch, check yours.
Leaders can run on borrowed oil too.
The momentum of the role, the
responsibility of trying to have
all the answers, and the fact that
you're the one holding the guide.
So before group this week, take five
minutes with Jesus, not to prep, just
to be known by Him and to spend time
in gratitude for His mercy and love.
You're not the oil for your group.
You just get to point people to where it
comes from, which is a pretty great job.
Thanks for loving your people.
If this helped, send it
to your co-leader or host.
They can subscribe on the Leader website.
We'll see you next week