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Welcome to Healthcare Redefined: Advocating for Aging Adults and Their Families, where we empower families to navigate the complexities of aging and healthcare. Presented by Your Nurse Advocate Consulting, we share real stories, expert advice, and practical tools to help you and your loved ones confidently navigate aging with dignity.
We explore topics like creating collaborative care plans, demystifying Medicare, handling healthcare crises, and preparing for the future. Join us as we transform uncertainty into understanding.
Linda: [00:00:00] Hi. Before we dive in, here's a question to sit with. Is your loved one truly safe at home? Or are things just working because everyone is holding their breath and hoping nothing goes wrong? Today we're going to be kicking off a new series on aging in place. What it really takes, how to do it safely, and how to know when maybe it's time to consider a different plan. Welcome to Healthcare Redefined, advocating for aging adults and their families, the podcast where we tackle the real life challenges of caregiving, aging, and navigating the healthcare system. I'm Linda Kritikos.
Pam: [00:00:37] Hi, and I'm Pam Donewald. With over 80 years of combined experience as registered nurses and board certified patient advocates, we're here to help you feel confident, informed, and supported every step of the way. This week we're talking about what it takes to age in place because so many families want their loved one to stay at home, but they don't always know what safe actually looks like. And we want to say this clearly, aging in place can be a wonderful goal, but it works best when it's supported by a realistic plan. The right home setup and honest check-ins as needs change. Before we begin, a quick reminder, today's conversation is for educational purposes only, and it's not medical, legal or financial advice. So every family situation is very different. So please reach out to a qualified professional for guidance based on your own specific needs.
Linda: [00:01:31] And be sure to check the show notes for resources related to this episode. What does aging in place, staying in your home as you get older really, really mean? So it's really not just about the house. I mean, people say, I want to stay at home. I want to age in place. Well, what does that really mean for you? And that's one of the things that the questions that really needs to be answered when you're speaking to your loved ones, when they're telling you that they want to age in place, because it really involves health changes such as what is their mobility like, what is their memory like, how is their vision and their hearing? What types of daily needs do they need help with or can they do on their own, such as their meals, preparing them, taking them, eating them, shopping for them? What types of med issues do they have? Are they taking their meds correctly? Do they understand the medications they're taking, and why are they able to safely bathe in their shower or bathtub or bathroom and use the bathroom safely? And are they able to do their laundry? Where is their laundry located? Is it down 17 steps to the basement in an unlit basement? Or is it upstairs, or are they sending it out? How is this helping? What type of support systems do they have outside of you as the family? Are there neighbors that are willing to pitch in or help or call for help if there's a problem? Do they need any paid help in the home? And another thing. And the biggest issue that we see all the time is regarding safety. Are they a fall risk? What are things that make them a fall risk? Is their disease process? Are they falling a lot? Have they fallen recently? Have they needed to go to the emergency department because they've fallen and have had an injury? Are they safe driving? And that means driving to and from not just around the block, but are they able to drive distances or on the highway? Where are they driving? Are they driving during the day? Can they still drive at night? Are they really safe to be behind the wheel? Have they had any accidents recently? Those types of indicators will determine or help you determine whether they can be safe and age in place at home. And what is their emergency response? Do they have an emergency response? Do they have an emergency plan? What happens if they had to leave their home or evacuate? Is there a place that they could go? Do they understand emergency responses? What happens if there's a gas leak in the house or the power is out, how are these things cared for and taken care of in their home? So aging in place is most successful when families plan ahead before a crisis happens. So when you're visiting, talking to them about these issues, watching and observing how they deal with things is your best indicator of whether they're going to be able to age in place at home safely.
Pam: [00:04:18] Why do families want it? Or why do your our aging parents want to, you know, age in place or, or stay at home as long as possible. And, you know, home often represents independence and control. I mean, think about it, you know, and all of us are in some level shape or form of this, especially if we own a home. You work so hard, you work so long to pay off your house and then you get to enjoy being in your house, without having to pay a mortgage. And aging adults really dig in when the thought of them having to leave after they work so hard to pay off their home and they have this. It's now theirs. The bank doesn't own it anymore. And now you're saying they've got to move. And maybe that means having to sell their home that they've paid for to support a different type of senior living arrangement. So it really represents independence and control.
[00:05:12] And with our aging adults, they're going to dig in if it affects their independence, they're going to dig in and they're going to dig in hard because they know that once they lose their independence, they're kind of at the end of the line in their mind. So this is a really tough and a sensitive issue. Home also represents comfort and familiar routines. I mean, they know their house, they know the layout, even if they have a little bit of forgetfulness. I mean, they've possibly been in there for years and they know where everything's at and everything is familiar for them. And we often see when we remove an aging adult from a familiar surroundings into another home setting that's not familiar, they seem to struggle more. The next thing is they've got community and neighbors. Maybe their next door neighbor has been there for 20 years. And they know that if they need something from the grocery store, Sally next door will run and get it for them. And maybe they have a card club or maybe there's a local senior center that they go to for some kind of activities. And so they've built kind of their village, so to speak, that will support them. And so leaving that support system can be really scary for them.
[00:06:24] And the other thing is privacy and dignity. And you may notice that a lot. We're going to talk a little bit more about this, but that's one of the reasons why sometimes they really dig in about getting help in the home because they want their privacy. They want their dignity. Again, having people come into the home, having strangers come into the home to help them do things that they used to be able to do on their own, I mean, they really see that as a violation of their privacy and another indicator that they are not maintaining their independence. So this is a common caregiver stress point. Adult children may be long distance juggling work and kids and trying to patch or put together problems from long distance. So the goal isn't to stay at home, no matter what the goal is quality of life and safety.
Linda: [00:07:14] Yes. So let's go ahead and start with safety. So we've got some tips for aging safely at home. So let's start with some simple things. And one of those would be making sure that the walkways are clear, such as removing throw rugs and having cords kind of pushed away and out of the walkway areas and clutter. Those are huge fall risk items, along with making sure that we have some type of improved lighting. Look at the lighting. Is it dim? Do we need to replace bulbs, especially in hallways or on stairs and in bathrooms, making sure that the lighting is appropriate, especially if they get up during the middle of the night to use the bathroom. You want to make sure that the hallways and the bathroom are well lit. So that doesn't add to being a fall risk. And then adding grab bars to the shower and to the toilet and securing handrails are another way of keeping them safe at home so they can age in place safely, and possibly considering a shower chair and non-slip mats in the shower so that they're not trying to wash and slip on a soapy floor and fall and hurt themselves. The majority of falls for elderly individuals do occur in the bathroom and in the shower, so another way of reducing the fall risk would be making sure they have some supportive shoes inside the house, not socks. So look at what they're wearing on their feet. A lot of times their shoes become worn and they get stretch out, especially slippers. And a lot of times they're very comfortable to wear but not really safe to have on. A lot of times the back slip off or they get too big, especially if they've lost weight and they become more hazardous than actually safe. So good supportive shoes with some type of gripping rubber soles are really the best way to go for them to be walking around in the house.
[00:09:08] Review their medications for dizziness and sedation risks. Do they know how to take their medications? Do they know when to take their medications? Do they know how the medications affect them? Are they talking to their doctors about it and do they have a current medication list? Vision and hearing checks are really important. So making sure that they have a vision check every year and a hearing check because a lot of people say, "oh, it's just aging, I'm okay, I'm okay. I don't need a hearing aid". And they've got the TV turned up to volume 70. And basically that's all they can hear. They don't hear the fire trucks outside. They don't hear a fire alarm going off. So hearing checks are really important. Along with one other thing that actually will help reduce falls is strength and balance exercises. And they can go to a community center to get some of these classes, like Tai Chi is very good for flexibility, physical therapy, and ordering physical therapy through their physician. Having outpatient physical therapy will help improve their strength and balance, because that's really important for them to be able to age safely in place. And making the home easy to live in. So I guess that means different things to different people, but basically put frequently used items at waist level. I am short, so when somebody puts something up on a high shelf now, I have to use something to grab it. So as I age, it's going to be more important for me to have things at a level where I can reach it easily, so it doesn't increase my fall risk as I try to reach things up on a high shelf that I would use every day, such as a measuring cup or a coffee cup.
Linda: [00:10:53] So step stools removed or replaced with a safer option. So a lot of times, some of these steps that their individuals are using are actually the kitchen chair and they're standing up on the kitchen chair that's wobbly trying to reach things that they shouldn't. So removing them and placing them with solid metal type of step stools that have handrails on the sides will actually make it easier and safer for them to reach objects out of reach. And simple labels and reminders. If memory is changing, like a post-it note or a label on their medications of when they take it and how they're supposed to take it, it's actually actually a very good reminder. And then one of the other things that's really important in regards to aging is medical alert systems or wearing it, such as a life alert. If someone falls, and this happened to a colleague of mine a few years ago, I'll never forget this. She lived alone and she did not take her cellphone with her as she went down these dark basement stairs to do her laundry, she slipped on the third stair going down, and she fell onto the cement floor of her basement and laid there for three days until somebody found her.
Linda: [00:12:10] This shouldn't happen. Things that can be put in place proactively, such as a life alert, could have saved her from laying on the cement floor for three days because she didn't have her cell phone with her. So plan also for who is going to be called first, call them. Set up a weekly phone log for your family to call each person, each sibling. Take a day to call. Make sure you have a correct list of meds and diagnosis and allergies and providers all in one place so that you know how to help them if they're not able to make decisions or provide history to a provider in an emergency department, and make sure you have a go folder for like appointments and ER visits that actually can help make the visit more productive and effective and more valuable to that individual.
Pam: [00:12:59] And, you know, those are really good points, Linda. And just to, you know, let our listeners know too, we do have an emergency to go folder. We'll put that information in that link in the show notes. And, just listening to some of the things that Linda was mentioning, I had a friend of mine that worked in the hospital with me, her dad, you hear about the proverbial broken hip and you're never going to come home. His wife had passed away and he kept his litter box down in the basement, and he went down the basement stairs to change the litter box and to clean it out. And he slipped down the stairs, broke his hip, and that gentleman never was able to return home again. So these things can happen. So think about the day to day things that they do. Another thing Linda was talking about Tai Chi, and also another thing we could put in the show notes for you is another exercise that's simple for aging adults, but will also help with balance is chair yoga. And the nice thing about chair yoga is that you do everything with a chair. You're either holding on to the chair or you're sitting in the chair. You don't have to get on the floor. You don't have to get into these crazy positions. And I do have a video with a free chair yoga session that we can also put into the show notes for you. So thanks for that information, Linda.
Pam: [00:14:17] And moving on to support systems that make aging in place work. So what does it take? We all talk about, oh, it takes a village. Well, it does take a village and it requires a team. Even if it's small. You need to have like a primary person who, this is often the adult child who's going to kind of man the ship, so to speak, and not that this person has to do everything but someone. And this could be a non caregiver in the family, someone who is good at organization, someone who's good at keeping a schedule, someone's kind of good that's just keep all the balls juggling in the air. And again, they could be a caregiver or they might not, they might be a caregiver that's not comfortable with doing hands on care, but is willing to do some of the behind the scenes things. So a local eyes and ears, a neighbor, a friend, a relative, someone that can check in on them. Like Linda mentioned before, check in calls. That's one of the simplest things that Linda and I recommend for a family is to schedule routine check in calls. And this also will help keep you being interrupted at work. Maybe when it's not an appropriate time for your parents to go. And sometimes they're just lonely and they want to just call and talk. So this also can help you avoid interruptions when it's not a convenient time. Paid support. That's one of the things that Linda and I do a lot is we work with our clients to look at their needs, you know, look at their preferences and help them find information or find an agency or support system for paid help.
Pam: [00:15:52] They can do light housekeeping, they can do meal preparation, they can assist with bathing and dressing. Some agencies can even assist taking them to their doctor's appointments. So it all depends on what your aging loved one needs. So we want you to consider some practical support medication set up and refill system. Linda talked about medication safety. There's setting up a pill box. Maybe that's all they need. There are actually more sophisticated devices like the hero device where they actually will talk. Okay, it's time to take your 9:00 your morning medications in the drawer pops open. So depending on how much support your aging loved one needs, there are devices and systems in place to help support them. If you live in an area, unfortunately, a lot of people like myself, I live in a very rural community. We do not have the option for grocery delivery, but if you live in more of an urban area, that's another option is can you have groceries or meals delivered for your aging loved one? Transportation can be a big one. Your local ADRC or aging disability and resource center, every county and every state in the United States has one. Sometimes they have a different name, but it's your county resource, your county government agent agency on aging.
Pam: [00:17:08] They will have a list of transportation availability in your area for what will accommodate maybe wheelchairs or other things. So they're a good resource for your specific area. We talked about regular check ins by phone, but regular check ins in person is also a good idea because when you're seeing them in person, That's often a time you, if you're talking to them on the phone, they can give you the proverbial, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. But when you get into the home, maybe you see a stack of bills on the table that's not been paid in the last couple of months. Or maybe you see things unkempt or, or maybe you're concerned that they haven't had a shower. So make sure you're regularly having someone get some eyes on your aging loved ones. And if family dynamics are hard, and Linda and I have seen this with clients, not all families are all hands on deck. Everything's hunky dory. Everybody works together like a well-oiled machine. It's not always like that. Oftentimes it can be. But again, you want to keep your decisions focused on safety and needs, not old family patterns, not digging up old sibling rivalry things or family drama that's been in the past. If you keep things focused, okay, this is what we have to do for mom and dad, or this is what we have to do for Grandma and Grandpa. That will go a long way to try and keep everyone on the same page. Linda, I'm going to turn it over to you for our next section.
Linda: [00:18:37] Listening to what what Pam is saying, one of the other things in regards to medication safety is pharmacies now have if you talk to your local pharmacy, they actually will have and set up delivery for your medications and not only with the hero system, but they also. If you don't need something as advanced as that, they can prepackage your medications and label it AM meds and put in what it actually is, PM meds, afternoon meds, night meds, and they actually put in times and actually send it to you for a month's supply. So that actually is another way of getting and keeping medication safe and compliance with medications. So contacting your local pharmacy and finding out what they can offer you is a great way for keeping medication compliance and safety at the utmost level for your loved one. So one of the signs that you know your loved one may no longer be safe at home. And this is why, as Pam was talking, it's so important to have someone place eyes on them that you know, when they feel like it, but actually placing eyes on them, seeing them, looking at them, observing their environment, observing how the house looks or their apartment looks, because those things will tell you that they may no longer be able to do things at home anymore.
Linda: [00:19:55] So any fall with an injury or repeated near fall, and just know that sometimes they won't tell you that they've fallen because they don't want you to worry, and they don't want you to remove them from their home. So they may not tell you they've fallen. But if you're noticing any bruises with no clear explanation or cuts along their skin, like what we call skin tears, where and where they've fallen and they've torn the skin. So those types of things actually can identify that they may have fallen or had some type of a near fall. When they have trouble getting up from a chair or a toilet. Those things tell you that they're having problems with mobility and function. And in regards to their medication and health management, if they've missed doses, if you're seeing that you're filling their medication planner every week and there's medications that are still in there that should have been taken two days ago, that could be an issue. You need to investigate that. Double dosing, taking medications more than once, or confusion with pills. One of the things that I like to do with clients is actually have all their pill bottles in front of me and actually take a pill out and put it in the cap and say, do you know what this pill is and why you're taking it? Do you know how often you're taking it? How does it make you feel? So getting an idea of their knowledge of the medication that they're taking tells me whether they need more help with managing their medications at home.
Linda: [00:21:24] If they've had frequent ER visits or hospitalizations based on their disease process, that means that they may not be able to be safe at home any longer. Unmanaged chronic symptoms such as shortness of breath, a lot of swelling in their lower extremities, any type of chest pain, where they're having problems just managing being active in their own home. One of the big things and the easiest thing to identify, and Pam and I look at this all the time is if they've had notable weight loss, if their clothes are no longer fitting them, whether all the way on to the last belt buckle and their pants are still falling down, or their shirts are falling off of them. If they have an empty refrigerator or their spoiled food laying around, or if there's a lot of dishes in the sink, or there's a lot of cups with half drank water and juices or coffee in them laying all over the place. Those are signs that they're not able to manage their nutrition and or their hygiene. If they have personal hygiene, say, if they haven't had their hair cut for a while, or they haven't had their hair washed for a while, if they've been wearing the same clothes for days and they've got a lot of stains on them, or they're torn or ripped, or there's buttons missing on them.
Linda: [00:22:39] Now, I know a lot of people have these very familiar types of flannel shirts or robes and things that they wear, and they love wearing them, but we're not talking about that. We're talking about things that, their pants or their underwear or things that they would have on them in normal daily living to go out or to bring company in. So those types of clothes being on for days is a problem in stating that they are not taking care of their own personal hygiene. And then dehydration signs such as cracked lips or dry mouth, or just being tired all the time, or being dizzy or confused. Those could be signs for dehydration. And then one of the other things that we look at in regards to being able to safely stay at home is if they have cognitive and judgment changes, such as getting lost when they're driving or walking, or if they leave the stove on and forget or forget to turn the water off if they leave the stove on and what's in the pan burns and they burn the pan, or they set up the smoke alarm, or they forget to turn off the water and the bathtub overflows or the sink overflows.
Linda: [00:23:54] And then scams. Elderly are the victims of scams all the time. So being victims to scams and unusual spending, like if you look at their bank statements or their credit card statements, if they've had a lot of unusual spending on there, or if you see, as Pam talked about earlier, unpaid bills laying around, or when you walk in there and there's no power or there's no electricity because they haven't paid the bill in 4 or 5 months. Increased confusion at night is also very common with a lot of our elders, especially if they have diagnoses such as Alzheimer's or some type of dementia. So increased confusion because of the change from day to night actually will also indicate that they no longer may be safe at home and the environment itself, if they have a lot of clutter or blocked pathways or unsafe stairs, or strong odors from pests or mold, or poor cleanliness of the overall inside of the home, along with the outside of the home, could indicate that they're no longer able to manage the daily tasks of living alone or living in their home anymore, and may need more help. So, Pam, I'm going to turn it over to you.
Pam: [00:25:09] You know, Linda, those are really great points. And, you know, as you were talking, you know, of course, you know, I'm thinking too of the things that you were mentioning. And one thing I wanted to say about dehydration is what a lot of people don't understand, as we age and in older adults, they lose their sense of thirst. So we would think that that would be, why would we have to worry about them being dehydrated, if they're thirsty, they'll drink, well, aging adults don't always feel thirsty. And if it's a hot day or they've been outside for a while and they're not drinking, they could easily get dehydrated. So again, just a reminder about that. And the other thing is a couple of times now we've talked about life alerts. And I just want to say that when Linda was talking about falls, some of the life alerts and again, the ADRC or the Aging and Disability Resource Center in your county will also have a list for you of the available emergency alert systems in your area. And they've gotten pretty sophisticated. You could have watches, pendants, some of them you can use outside of the home, like if you're out in the yard or out and about, they will still work. Others don't, and some of them also come with fall detectors. So if you were to fall, the device would automatically activate the emergency response system.
Pam: [00:26:34] So depending on the needs, there are a lot of alert devices available for you. So in moving on to the next section, we've talked about Linda's done a great job about talking about these red flags. What do we do when we notice them? What do you know about our next steps? So one of the things that we want to not do is just say, oh, well, if this happens again, or one more time and we'll do something. Use what you're seeing is information, start with a calm and specific conversation. Oftentimes if you start that conversation by saying, I'm concerned, I'm afraid, I'm worried about you, that goes a lot further than saying, you know what? You can't drive anymore. That's it. I'm taking away the keys. I can't have you getting lost or, you know, once you start giving them ultimatums, then that that wall is going to go up. And so you've got to really try and choose your words to try and acknowledge their desire for independence. But at the same time, do it with love and understanding that you're only wanting to look out for their best interest. And you don't want anything to happen to them or someone else. And so those are some examples of leading with love, so to speak, versus accusations and again, focused on shared goals.
Linda: [00:27:55] Mom, I know you want to stay at home and I'm willing to support you to stay at home for as long as safely possible. But we've noticed some of these things. And in order for you to continue to stay at home safely. We need to make some changes. Are you okay with looking at A, B, C, D? So again, just choosing your words carefully and focusing on those shared goals, acknowledge that you want to help them age in place for as long as safely possible and, and help them feel like they still have some control. Get some input from them, ask them, what would you like to see happen? We've noticed X, Y, Z. What do you think? What do you think we could put in place to help you with this? What would best help you so that this doesn't happen again? And when you go to your primary care doctor, bring a list of written concerns, maybe something as simple as a physical therapy or occupational home safety evaluation that the doctor can order. That's something provided by a Medicare certified home care agency would be covered under the Medicare Part A. Sometimes it's getting those professionals in the home, and maybe they can identify equipment.
Linda: [00:29:04] They can make recommendations. Sometimes it's just as simple as that. Again, medication review with a pharmacist or the doctor, if they're having symptoms that you can't explain or they're complaining about feeling overly tired in the afternoon, maybe you can look at medications, what they're taking and maybe when, and maybe some adjustments can be made. Try to increase support in layers. And what do I mean by that? That means just don't hit them hard with everything at once and overwhelm them. And then they're going to say, that's it, I'm done. This is too much. Just try and gradually add in a few hours of help per week. Maybe it's meal support or maybe it's having groceries delivered, or maybe it's someone coming in once a week to do some housekeeping and maybe some laundry. Just start gradually. A lot of these agencies will allow a caregiver to come in, like for a visit, just like a meet and greet type of a visit, so they could see if they make a connection, if they think their personalities will jive. So it's so we can do these things gently without them feeling like we're shoving them down their throat, so to speak. And again, daily check-ins to monitor the plan and maybe this just needs to be a phone call.
Linda: [00:30:20] And then maybe also visits and a combination of both. And then over the next 2 to 4 weeks as you identify, maybe gently and gradually adding some services, track the pattern for 2 to 4 weeks. Have they had any more falls or near falls? Near falls as maybe they caught themselves or maybe they went down to their knees and they were able to stop themselves from getting injured. So that would be an example of a near fall. Missed medications, looking at their planner or the punch cards like Linda was talking about from the pharmacy. Maybe you see that two days in a row they didn't punch anything out. Well, there you go. Even though you've tried to set up their meds for them, they're not remembering to take them. So you might have to go to a more intense intervention. Their confusion, have you noticed any confusion or again, addressing your driving concerns and, and sometimes providing transportation, taking away that need for them to drive would also be a gentle way of getting them to acknowledge, you know, mom, if we could have transportation come take you to the doctor appointment, you wouldn't have to worry about driving, you know, how would you feel about that? Would that make it maybe easier for you? You don't have to worry about getting gas, you don't have to worry about feeling confident in driving and just having those conversations.
Pam: [00:31:47] So those are some of the things that, that you can do when, when you start to notice red flags and if it becomes too unsafe, you know, we have these conversations about maybe having a plan B, so I'm going to turn this over to Linda so she can talk about having that knowing that they want to age in place, but still at the same time preparing that plan B for those what if situations. So Linda, I'm going to turn it over to you.
Linda: [00:32:14] Yeah. Plan B is important because it's not a sign of a failure that you fail to be able to put things in place. It's a safety net. So plan B are options. So what can you include in some of these options? So one of them would be moving in with a family member with clear expectations and boundaries. And what needs to happen and what not. Sometimes that's not always feasible. Sometimes your loved ones don't want to do that, but it may be the safest way for them. The other would be moving them into a senior living, independent living environment where the environment is more contained. It's smaller, but they have a lot of external resources and people there to kind of assist them if they need it, but overall, they're pretty independent.
Linda: [00:33:08] Then there's assisted living where they get more intensive type of assistance as they need it, more intensive assistance with their what we call activities of daily living, such as bathing, dressing, grooming. They get their meals prepared and served to them in their dining room or in their room. They get help with bathing and also possibly physical therapy if they need it. Transferring techniques. The other area would be memory care. If their dementia has progressed to the point where they're forgetting where they are, or they're wandering and they're becoming unsafe to stay at home because of the wandering, a memory care environment would possibly be the best choice for them to live safely. But again, that doesn't happen right away. It happens once you start seeing that these changes are no longer keeping them safe at home. It's a plan B. So adult family homes and smaller residential settings are another option as a plan B. So again these are things you want to keep in your back pocket as things change or as your loved ones decline. As your age, you're seeing more and more decline. These are options for care and planning this early gives you a lot more choices, and it provides you more to be in a proactive phase than a reactive phase. So it's less rushed decision making. So you can tour these places.
Linda: [00:34:32] You can see where they're going to stay, you can see what the options are. You can include them in the input, take them with you and say is, would this place be somewhere that you would consider living mom or dad, if the time came or if the need be that you can't live at home anymore? Make them part of this decision making. Make them part of this plan B. So the other area that we look at also is financial and emotional preparation. How are their finances being handled? Is there a power of attorney in place? Is there a will in place? Is there a financial power of attorney in place? How are their bills and finances being managed now? And who would need to take that over if they could no longer safely and actively participate in taking care of those types of things? Because if you wait until there's a crisis, you become reactive and then your options shrink because now you're acting in a reactive phase because something has to get done right now. So the stress level for your loved one goes up a lot of times and decisions then are forced and reactive and may not be the best decisions. So planning ahead is always the best way of dealing with these types of plan B options. Don't wait till it becomes a crisis. Do it ahead of time and include your loved one in the planning process.
Pam: [00:35:58] You know that brings to mind too, so how do you build a plan B without all the stress, without the panic, without being rushed? Like Linda said, when it becomes a when you're in a crisis situation and I just want to just as a teaser, just as an FYI, our next episode that will follow this. Stay tuned for that. We're actually going to have a couple nurses that are associated with running an assisted living community, and they're going to talk more about plan B and how you approach assisted living with your aging loved one. So that's going to be a really great episode. So I just encourage everybody to stay tuned for the episode that will follow this one. And you know, to get back to building a plan B without all the crisis or all the stress, you know, started as a research project, not a decision. And I think that's really a good way to look at it. You're doing your due diligence. You're just checking things out, so to speak. You're not making any decisions. They're not making any decisions. You're just looking for what they like? What's on their wish list? What would they want to have in a senior living community that may look at choosing one versus another. Location, if they don't drive, but they can walk and they're very alert and cognitive, maybe they want to be close to a little shopping center or something, start this wish list or this dreaming, mom or dad, if you couldn't stay here anymore, what would be your ideal place? What would you want in a place and like Linda said, involve them in the process.
Pam: [00:37:39] So getting their buy in goes a long way to make the decision when, when necessary. So the other thing is, is what can they afford, as you're doing and we know we want to involve them in the decision making, but maybe in this research process, maybe on your own, just research some of the costs and some of the things like that so that you can avoid the, well, this is what I want, but obviously I can't afford it. So try and weed out some of the things that would not be an option so as not to get their hopes up and then, you know, tell them, no, they can't go there. And so make this a part of your research and maybe make a short list, you know, maybe, you know, once you've talked to them and what they would like, mom or dad, we've put together this for assisted living or senior living communities in our area that everything you said, they seem to have a lot of what you want.
Pam: [00:38:38] You know, I think it would be a good idea for us to just go take a look, they look good on paper, but we'd really like to know and have no commitment. We're not signing any papers, we're not doing anything. We just want to make sure that this would be something that that if you could not stay at home, you'd be satisfied with and then see if they will go on a tour and check it out, you know, talk about, and keep your notes and backing up just when you're doing your research, keep your notes, keep it all in one place. A lot of times, just a simple spiral notebook with all the things that you've done because you know, you're going to forget and they're all going to blend together. So just a simple notebook would suffice for that. And then talk about when you're asking them what's on their wish list or what they would like in a community, ask them what matters most to them. Privacy, having your own private apartment, social life is activities. Do they have a bus that will take people to different social activities outside of that? Do are they heavy? Some assisted living or some senior living communities are heavier in activities than others.
Pam: [00:39:42] Do they offer any faith communities? Is that important to them? Do they allow pets? Well, we're researching assisted living for one of our clients. She has a small dog and they even had a dog walking service. Obviously it was an extra charge, but they would walk her dog for her in the morning. So these are some of the things that are important. And and people don't realize that they're available. And again, we talked about location. Do they want to be in a more rural setting? Do they want to be in the middle of the action, like close to that shopping center? Do they want to be more where they can take a walk and enjoy nature? So find out what's more important for them and then create a trigger list, something that they can agree on and that you can agree on. For example, if you fall, if you continue to fall weekly for the next month. And we've tried everything, we've tried physical therapy, we've tried tai chi, we've tried, you know, we've tried all these things and it's still not working, then we're going to revisit the plan. Or, you know, if they're not taking their meds appropriately, they keep forgetting or they're having memory issues when this happens. Mom. Do you agree? This is going to be time for us. So Let them buy in and let them have a say.
Pam: [00:41:06] So in knowing that, this is what they can agree to. If this is happening, okay, we're ready to take the next step. So, caregiver burnout, not only your parents needs can be on this trigger list, but also you as a caregiver. If you're having to go to the house repeatedly and you're getting interrupted at work constantly and things just aren't working. Just say mom or dad, I'm going to do whatever I can or are our family going to do whatever we can to keep you safe at home. But if it comes too much for us and we can't keep up, we need to look at in stating our plan B. So these are just some examples. So if you have these listed and they know when this happens we have to consider it. There's no surprises. And they've had a say so in that. So this has been a lot of information for you. We're going to have some resources for you in the show notes. And really to sum it up, today, we introduced to you what aging in place really means and why it works best when it's supported by safe planning, the right help and honest check-ins as needs change.
Linda: [00:42:19] Yes. And we also shared red flags that may signal it's no longer safe at home. And why having a plan B, an alternate housing option you've already explored can reduce stress and protect your loved one's well-being. So again, thank you for joining us. We're grateful you spent your time with us today. Our goal is to make your caregiving journey a little easier and a lot less overwhelming because it definitely can be. So please don't forget to check out the show notes for helpful links and resources relating to aging in place. And if this episode helped you, please share it with a friend. Like it, subscribe, and leave us a review. Your support helps us reach more families who need our guidance and hope.
Pam: [00:43:05] As we mentioned before, in our next episode, we're going to go deeper into this topic and talk about some practical home setup. We're going to talk about plan B is going to be a big part of our next episode. And so we look forward to inviting you to share that with us. And so it's been great to be with you today.
Linda: [00:43:23] So until then, take care of yourself and your loved ones. One step at a time. See you next time.