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Imagine if you had a backstage pass to go behind the scenes and learn the secrets that worked for veteran coaches who’ve been right where you are today. That’s exactly why we created Coach Factory, a podcast for coaches at every level who are seeking to elevate their practice.
Guests pull back the curtain on their coaching journeys to reveal how they approach coaching, how they run their business and work with clients, why they do things the way they do, and what’s worked. We also flip the script to talk candidly about obstacles, challenges, and what they’ve tried that didn’t work, so you can avoid making the same mistakes.
Whether you're refining your niche, mastering client acquisition, or looking to develop your coaching skills, join us for expert interviews and the tools you need to thrive in today’s competitive coaching landscape.
Lauree Ostrofsky: Fear facing is something that came to me because I was forced into it. And I would say most of us have that relationship with fear. When I was 28, I was living a very A student life, I would say. I had the job that my parents were proud of. I was dating the guy that my mom loved. I had a 401k and I was climbing the corporate ladder. And I was unhappy, but I didn't know what the next thing was. And then I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And when something gigantic happens, it was going to be really scary. But also as I moved through it and healed over time, I realized that this was an opportunity for me to face fear of other things in my life, like the fear of what would happen if I quit my job. What would happen if I disappointed someone gasps, "Oh my gosh, I disappointed people I respected." That fear of doing that was so less scary. And I think that was the moment when I'm scared and doing it anyway really came to me.
Shawn Hesketh: Welcome to this episode of the Coach Factory podcast. In this episode, we're talking about coaching with confidence and how to overcome fear and self-doubt in your coaching practice. In our own journey as coaches, it's not always about empowering others. Sometimes it's also about navigating our own fears and challenges. Today, we're expLaureeng the inspiring journey of Lauree Ostrowski, a woman who transformed fear and uncertainty of her own into a powerful coaching practice. From facing a life-altering diagnosis to now being an author, a speaker, a coach, and a hugger, Lauree's story offers profound insights for every coach. So let's dive into how she leveraged her experience to foster growth, not just for her clients, but for herself as well.
Lauree Ostrofsky: You know, the things make so much more sense when we look back at them than when we're living them at the time. So what had happened was I was being praised for things at work that I wasn't being paid for. I was being praised for reading a room, for being able to understand what clients and customers needed, even if that wasn't what they were asking for. I was being given, even at 28, I was being given team members to manage who were one step out the door, who they thought we might have to fire. But let's put them on Lauree's team and see if she can do something with them. These were so natural skills to me, but totally not the marketing business that I was in, the PR business I was in. That wasn't what I was being paid for.
And then this brain tumor happened. And gosh, I don't wish health issues on anyone. But what happened when I was in the hospital was that it was a reckoning of my A student self saying, if I do all the right things, then nothing bad can happen. I did all of the right things. I ate all the vegetables and I still got a brain tumor. And what had happened in the hospital was that I also really learned what healing feels like on the inside. And I had a major moment in there that I talk about in my first book where I realized how much power we have based on what we think about is possible, how we talk about it, and ultimately the actions we take on it. But our words and our thoughts have so much power.
And it was in that moment I said, if I could do anything, I want to help people recognize that they have this power within them. They have this power to affect major change in their lives based on what they think is possible, the words they use to talk about it, the people they surround themselves with, and then ultimately the actions they choose.
And what I was being praised for and not paid for at work actually coincided with the "gosh, I want to help people recognize they have this power." Oh, I'm really good at helping people already because that's why I was being given the tough team members and being able to read a room and what our clients were really asking for.
And then this little memory happened because I had worked with a coach a year or two prior and she'd said at one moment, "No, Lauree, I think you'd be a good coach. You should think about that someday." And I got out of the hospital and as I was healing, I was like, these three things came together. And one year after my surgeries, I started taking a coaching program to see if this was it.
Shawn Hesketh: Transitioning into coaching often comes from a place of seeking, seeking more fulfillment, a better understanding, or a way to share the lessons we've learned. Lauree found her calling in coaching, merging her innate talents with the hard-won life lessons. It's a powerful reminder that sometimes our professional paths are not about finding something new, but recognizing the value in what we've always done.
Lauree Ostrofsky: My coaching practice today is I coach mainly women who are A students. And by A student, I don't necessarily mean the grades. Third grade, I usually go back to third grade because it was true for me. Third grade is often a really comfortable period in time because we know exactly what's required. The rules are on the board and construction paper written out. And it's okay if I do those things, I'm going to get an A or a gold star or a pat on the back, or I'm going to know that all is right with the world.
And that kind of comfort and security does not always exist in adult life and, or we go searching for it. So as an adult A student myself, I go to the dentist and feel like I've gotten an A when they say, "Oh, I can tell you've been flossing." It's like I got the A for flossing.
So those are my A student clients. We see each other in that awkward, honest place of, gosh, I'm still looking for A's as an adult. And what we do in our coaching sessions is find ways to give ourselves A's and give them A's now in our adult lives. And specifically making sure that we are the ones that are giving ourselves A's and that we're less searching for it from everybody else or giving so much external weight to folks, customers and clients and bosses and family members that they don't have all the say if we're doing something right that we do, that we deserve the A's and can give them to ourselves.
And also to choose things, to choose our career paths, whether it's being an entrepreneur and owning a business or working in a corporate setting, making sure that we're choosing our own paths and not just what we think is the next thing we're supposed to do or what we should do.
I tend to work with A students who are mid-career and there's usually a good number of us who have made it partway through our careers doing exactly what we should do and what the next thing was in front of us. And we go, oh, oh, no, this isn't satisfying anymore. And how do I possibly figure out what's next if I don't go by what somebody else said or what I think I should do or the title that's right in front of me?
Shawn Hesketh: Identifying and resonating with our ideal clients isn't just good business. It's also about creating meaningful changes in lives that echo our understanding and our experiences. Lauree's approach, focusing on connecting deeply rather than broadly, teaches us the value of being very specific in our coaching practice.
Lauree Ostrofsky: When I first started coaching, when anyone first starts any business, try lots of things. You are throwing spaghetti at the wall. And back in my throwing spaghetti at the wall days, I tried to host lots of events myself. OK, so I'm going to pick a topic and, you know, a vision board session or envisioning your next your new year. And I would bomb and bomb like three people would sign up. And well, I can't host an event that way. So I tried to host them in person and I tried to host them online. I even did like back then. I tried on the phone, you know, and what I realized is that my network was so small at that point that I just didn't reach the amount of people that made an event worthwhile. And so I switched immediately to I'm going to do events or podcasts or speaking opportunities within networks that already exist. This is going to be easier for me to market myself because I don't have to go out and beat every bush to try to find people. I'm going to go to groups that exist that already have members or interested audiences and speak there.
Shawn Hesketh: Marketing, especially in the coaching world, thrives on authenticity. Lauree's journey from hiding her story to using it as a powerful connection tool embodies the shift that many of us need to make. It's not about broadcasting our offerings. It's about sharing our journey in a way that resonates and invites others into a shared space of growth.
Lauree Ostrofsky: I learned how to market myself by getting it wrong, which is probably how most people learn. I thought I had to present a perfect image out there. And I had this moment.
I was on a bus between New York City and Washington, D.C., and it's really boring in New Jersey. Nothing against New Jersey, but it's a long state. And I got bored and I was staring out the window and I realized I had this moment of I need to be on stage. And as an introvert, shy person, I never want to be on stage. But I realized in that moment, oh, I need to be on stage and I need to be talking about how my brain tumor can change your life.
And up until that point, this is a couple of years into my business, I had never mentioned the words brain tumor to anyone. Even new friends didn't even know this had happened. And because I didn't want to be pitied, I didn't want people to pity me because they have that terrible look on their face when they feel bad for you. And that was part of my healing journey.
But what I realized in that moment while staring out the window was that I was doing a disservice to myself, to my business and to other people by not talking about this incredible experience that I had and the lessons that I learned from it. And that when you say something big like heart attack, breast cancer, brain tumor, you get an extra couple minutes of someone's attention, like they have real attention for what you have to say and what you do with that minute to five minutes extra is really powerful. You could change someone's life. You could help them. You could expand your business. Even if that feels selfish, it's true. You have that time. And so that was the realization.
And then a month later, I had the opportunity to be on stage in front of 400 people as an introvert. I thought I was going to throw up. I hid in the bathroom because I was so afraid I was going to throw up before I got on stage. But what happened that night when I was up there? There was this moment in my speech about how my brain tumor will change your life when I said I'm on stage tonight because I'm scared and doing it anyway. And I like did these like big arms up and I was like, roared and the crowd roared back to me.
And the whole rest of the night, even though I said a lot of other things, people kept saying, "I'm scared and doing it anyway, too."
And as a marketer, I just heard that was market research. I didn't know I was even doing. And it was that I said I first because I owned something. Everybody else in the room felt like they could own it, too. And that's when I realized why people do so well in marketing very personal stories is because our ownership opens the door and gives the permission to other people to own the stuff that maybe we're uncomfortable owning.
Shawn Hesketh: 'No' might just be the two-letter word that we fear the most. And Lauree shares an interesting perspective on seeing rejection as data instead of defeat. And that offers a liberating way to navigate the uncertainties of growing your coaching practice because it's about learning, adapting and finding paths to yes that feel authentic and aligned with your vision.
Lauree Ostrofsky: I hate hearing 'no.' I hate the thought that I might get a 'no.' I'm saying that first because I want you to know that you are not alone and that you don't have to be totally brave all the time and totally confident all the time.
But I think that 'no,' if we think of it as research, it's really helpful that you are collecting more information. So what I try to do is hang in and pay attention to what comes after or before the 'no' and write it down. If I'm writing something down, I am taking it less personally because I'm busier with getting the words right and getting the words down the words that they use. The specific words is really important for research.
So when I'm on an exploratory call or a sample session with clients, I will do two things. Something I learned in taking a sales class was that you have to ask a yes or no question. You have to ask a specific question because what do you think really isn't what you think of that? It can be a useful question, but you need to follow it up with I'd like to work with you. Would you like to work with me? The very specific question you have to get someone to yes or no so they can really answer. And ultimately, let's hope commit to working with you, commit to investing financially with you. So one, you have to ask the specific yes or no question.
And two, when they say no, we need to understand why. So what is it about this opportunity that you're not interested in? That might be a question that you ask. And the two main ones that I'm trained to listen for is about time or money, because those tend to be the two big ones. I don't have the time or the time isn't right for me right now, or I'm not sure I can spend this much or this wasn't a number that I wasn't really expecting or, you know, that kind of thing. And both of them, I think you can prepare for in advance.
And what I would do is not have whatever the potential clients say be the first time you've heard or thought about this answer. If you prepare in advance for someone could say no, write it down. Someone could say 'no.' What are some of the reasons that they could say 'no'? Price is too high. This is the wrong time. I need to ask my spouse in order to do this. I am not interested in this right now. You can come up with a number of different reasons why you think someone will say 'no.' You're probably right with some of them, the ones that you're going to hear and then come up with.
And this is before you get on the phone with folks, come up with what can you say about that? I can say, how about we start on November 1st if you need some more time or what about a pricing plan or even head that up in advance and say clients sometimes are uncomfortable with that number that I just quoted you and that's okay. If you're uncomfortable about that number, I also offer a pricing plan. So my point is think about in advance what the kinds of nose that you're going to get and be prepared in advance so that way you're not trying to figure it out in the moment.
Shawn Hesketh: Building confidence isn't a one-time event. It's a practice, a habit, a way of being. And Lauree highlights that confidence comes in many forms, often quieter than we expect. In coaching, instilling confidence is as much about listening and understanding as it is about advising and directing.
Lauree Ostrofsky: Yeah, confidence is one of these interesting concepts because I think in our culture and through social media, we can think that confidence is extroverted, is loud, is I'm going to climb a mountain, is the peak of your performance and whatever skill or industry you're in. And confidence is also quiet, introverted, authentic. It's saying no. Confidence isn't always just saying yes.
Confidence is also knowing when to say no and being yourself can be quiet. I say quiet because introversion and being quiet are really important to me. But I'm saying that confidence is something that says I am who I am and I love and accept myself as I am and that I don't need to go prove it externally.
And what I'll say is for the majority of us, I believe that isn't a constant. That is a moment to moment, depends on the day, what level of confidence you're in. Am I okay with being me today? That conversation I just had didn't go so well, so I'm feeling a little less. But maybe I just made this great apple pie and I feel confident about myself now. Or maybe I am really clear on saying yes or no to this opportunity that has just arose. And I think that knowing that it doesn't have to be a constant, knowing that it can shift, knowing that it can be whatever feels authentic to ourselves is so important, especially when we're getting so many messages from social media and our culture in general.
Shawn Hesketh: Self-promotion and marketing can feel like a daunting task, especially for those of us who identify more closely with the introverted side of the spectrum. Just the thought of selling ourselves, our services can sometimes seem at odds with our nature. So Lauree shares some invaluable insights for all the introverted coaches listening, debunking the myth that introverts just aren't cut out for sales and marketing.
Lauree Ostrofsky: I hear marketing isn't my thing almost every day from clients who are intimidated by it, afraid of it, feel like it is against who they are or inauthentic to who they are. And what I say is that you are marketing every day. You are marketing every time you put on or choose to put on one sweater or one outfit over another. You are saying something about yourself based on the choices that you're making every day. So marketing is in small moments, too. It happens all the time and it doesn't have to be a gigantic billboard that counts as marketing.
It could be I'm choosing to talk to this person at that event rather than this person. That is a choice and that can be a marketing choice. I'm talking to the person that I feel more comfortable approaching. That actually could be part of your marketing. I mean, I keep going back to research, but you could be learning really good research about who feels comfortable for you. And ultimately, what does that say about your ideal client and customer? There's something about them that feels comfortable.
So I would say the other thing about getting more comfortable with putting yourself out there is that there are a lot of ways to put yourself out there to, quote unquote, put yourself out there can be speaking in front of a bunch of people. And it also could be online. So the thing I learned about myself as an introvert is that online people think I'm outgoing. People think I'm an extrovert because, you know, it is so easy to be in my pajamas and be like responding to comments and generating posts and being responsive to emails. I look like I'm the most extroverted person, but I don't have to be in a room with people because to be in a room with people, I've got to work energetically to prop myself up and pep talk myself to be in the room and then pep talk myself when I get out of a room. And that's fine. And I do those too as a speaker, but recognizing that as an introvert, I can be really effective if I'm doing stuff online.
The other thing that I'll say about being an introvert or being shy is that if you look at statistically, actually, introverts and probably shy people as well are more effective salespeople than extroverted people. The reason why introverts in particular are good salespeople are that they listen and they take in information. And guess what? Most of us want to be listened to more than they want to listen to somebody else. So if you're in a group and you haven't told the most fascinating story, but you've listened to what someone else has said about their work, about their family, about what's important to them, and you can repeat it back to them and you can say, "Gosh, it sounds like this is really important to you."
You have created a stronger, lasting connection that can lead to sales. And oh, by the way, that's marketing. Then someone who has worked the room and told great stories because you have created a personal connection. When you follow up with them, you'll have information about that person because you listen to them and you took in those details. And we feel so welcomed, so special when other people hear us and really acknowledge the person that we are and the person that they've met. And so I want all of us to know that what we're doing when we're making individual connections online or in person really matter more than the big shows.
Shawn Hesketh: As we've heard from Lauree, the journey to confidence is deeply personal and varies from person to person. It's about finding strength in our stories and the quiet courage to be authentically ourselves. For Lauree, this journey took an unexpected but heartfelt turn, one that illustrates beautifully how simple gestures can have profound impacts.
Lauree Ostrofsky: Years ago, I was living in Washington, D.C., and I was really down. I had just had a really bad breakup. I was literally alone in an empty apartment. And I decided to do something to thank and show love to the people in my life. And so I reached out on Twitter and said, I'm going to walk around Washington, D.C. And if I know you, I will come and visit you and give you a hug. And so I launched Hug Tour that day with the hashtag #hugtour, which still lives on now. And I walked around Washington, D.C., stopping to see friends at their offices on a Tuesday afternoon. And now I have a hug wall on my website and Hug Tour ambassadors around the country.
Shawn Hesketh: Thank you so much to Lauree Ostrofsky for reminding us of the strength in vulnerability. It's not just about overcoming our fears. It's also about embracing them as integral parts of our story and our practice. And thank you for joining me on this episode of the Coach Factory podcast. If you've got questions about this episode or just want to let us know you found it helpful, go to CoachFactory.chat and let's start a conversation. To listen to more episodes, get the show notes and learn how to start, run and grow your coaching practice. Visit CoachFactory.co