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Vandal land-barges. A psychic brain in a jar. The Golgothan Wastes do not do courteous passage. Oren goes full dragon, Snot blows herself up with one of Tanhauser's old glue-bombs, and the wreckage spells it out: the Diktat is hunting Tanhauser by name.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: Pathfinder Second Edition
Creators and Guests
Host
Host
Guest
Guest
Guest
What is Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration?
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
I can summon lightning from the sky.
Bestie, you're getting better every single time I hear anything about you.
Are you two making a suicide pact?
Sorry, I was eating a cheese stick.
Yo, it's a golden shot cheese.
That's what I'm sensitive about.
I did this for the podcast listener.
Podcast listener!
I'm here for you!
Who's ready to play some Ratgrind?
You're not going anywhere, speaking.
I own you.
What?
I think he's already speaking.
Yes.
I've been thinking, guys.
I've been thinking.
Yeah.
Hear me out.
Hear me out.
New episode.
What if we start a Blood Bowl League?
Yeah, start a Blood Bowl League.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a new idea that I have not heard before.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not that we were discussing it for the past 20 minutes.
It's fresh.
It's fresh.
I give you that much.
Okay, cool.
Cool, cool.
Okay, so, obviously, Baldrick Thrower.
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
Oren, Catcher.
Veena, Star Player.
Hell yeah.
Rahua, Big Blocker.
Tree Man.
Tree Man.
Rahua is the Tree Man.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Tannhauser, the really annoying, I'm going to kill your characters unit.
He's a striker.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Snot Saugens is the cheerleader.
The cheerleader?
I love that.
Good for her.
It's so real.
I forgot.
Cheerleaders.
It's really a cheerleader.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to another exciting episode of Raw Grind, where you can also support the show and stuff
by letting people know we exist.
Hey, if you go around online on the internet and be like, hey, I'm looking for a bye-bye
new show or just a tabletop show, and I was wondering if you have any suggestions.
You just, you know, you tilt down your anime glasses or whatever, let them shine.
You'd be like, well, I know one.
It's Rock Ride.
And then you just kind of send them our link or send them to our Patreon or wherever, like
patreon.com forward slash narrative declaration.
Of course, also, if you wanted to pick up some fun merch, narrative declaration.shop.
Also, for those who are on the live stream currently right here, also, if you're watching
this in the future, they may already be gone by this point.
We have some enamel.
We literally have a handful of enamel pins left.
Literally, they are almost gone.
I've asked the merch teams to extend it by a week.
If you want the last enamel pins that exist, like several of them have already sold out,
there's a few of them left.
If you want those last enamel pins, go to narrative declaration.shop right now and pick
up some of the last ones before they go away.
Like forever.
Like they're all limited and stuff.
We don't, we're not ordering anymore.
So thank you to those who did pick up those, by the way, and picking things up.
It's Odo Roshi.
It's me.
It's Odo.
I didn't expect to immediately trans.
I gotcha.
I gotcha.
The intro.
You got guys.
Hi, I'm Odo.
I'm playing Vita, the self swashbuckler.
And this is the greatest intro I've ever given.
Probably one of those being the greatest is Hoki.
Wow, Zord.
That's so kind of you.
Oh my God.
That's the nicest thing you've said to me in probably five years.
Hi, I'm Hoki Crow.
I'm, as always, playing the Konrasu Warpriest Rahua.
And I, I'm full of so many spices.
Hoki.
What kind of spices?
Yeah.
Don't get used to it.
Okay.
You're getting used to it.
It's Speaker D.
Hi, everybody.
I am Speaker D.
I'm in charge of making sure Hoki doesn't get too uppity.
And I'll be playing Tanhauser, the android wizard.
That's what he sounds like.
And this is what Salty Jub sounds like.
Hello, my name is Salty Jub.
I play Snot.
She's a little goblin.
Like Slashy.
Speak louder.
My name is Salty Jub.
I play Snot.
She's a goblin.
So she's not a goblin.
She's an inventor.
She, uh, she has a PhD.
Uh, and, uh, a fun fact about Snot is that, uh, she killed 20 of her siblings, uh, to survive childhood.
Happens.
Speaking of not having a childhood.
Hi.
It's so tall now, dude.
What?
What?
What?
Whoa.
Whoa.
Damn.
Damn.
I need to deflect.
Um, um.
Uh, Hulky, what spices are you full of?
I'm full of you.
A minute.
Now this is your intro.
Continue.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, Paprika.
Um, um, um, hi.
It's me.
It's, it's, it's thirsty.
You're, you're on college.
I miss your faces.
Hi.
Speaking of not having a face.
Hi.
I'm Zorn the wizard.
I'll be your host for this evening.
I'm playing Oran the Strixstruid and we're all level 11.
Look at that.
Oh, and before I take it, I can't offer everybody, whoever wants to do the recap today for a
hero point or I lost.
I'm going to do it.
It's true.
I, we, we worked in a store, dude.
You can take it.
I can't remember every fucking stupid bit we came up with.
We had an average shift at the average seven 11.
That's literally the recap.
We all like after taking the air, after taking the airship, I was like, we have to get like,
like some, some, some nice adventure music, you know, like some, uh, some beginning things.
And, uh, I was like, we can, we'll, we'll do this one.
We usually do this one here, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We can play, we can play this song.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well.
Last time on Rock Grime, us and our band of charcoal fucks were able to, able to escape the horrible
walls of outside after being pursued by some remnant remnants of the, uh, tyrant skilled
after we have been able to hijack Sandal Declan's airship after figuring out how it flies.
And as Baldrick has been working tirelessly to maintain the ship and get it up, up to
Spig and Span internally, we found our way all the way to Golgotha.
Is that right?
Thurston?
Yep.
Yep.
We found it all the way over to Golgotha.
We were able to park our airship on a convenient airship tower.
And one of the promises that we made before we left, after kind of making a slight pit
stop on the conveniently built tower in the solitude, uh, is that we promised to take care
of one of Blotus's shops.
Blotus the Scarab merchants, uh, over in Golgotha.
And after we promised to take care of a single days of work in retail, um, he would, we would
be able to kind of securely put our ship there for free and he would help us out if we needed
it.
Uh, after arriving at the, at the tower, we did so after a horrific day of retail, which
I can only glance over, which you have to watch that episode to understand just how absolutely
bonkers it went, uh, full of eldritch horrors, terrible business management, and misunderstanding
of customers.
We were able to finally finish the shift and meet up with a goblin named Snot.
Snot.
Yeah.
Snot a goblin.
Snot a goblin.
Snot a goblin.
Middle name, comma.
Snot a goblin.
Yeah.
During our time in retail, we also met up with a freedom fighter who heard some of the loud
cries and demands that Tanhauser was making.
And I think they pointed us to a way that we could find some more resistance members.
Uh, with that, with that in lead, we were able to, uh, try to get a ride that Snot was
able to provide, which Snot has a walking mech, basically.
And we all clambered inside and began our journey towards one of these hideouts.
Was I correct on that one?
It's been a while for us.
You're missing a very important detail, actually.
Probably am.
During all of this, one, the resistance fighters are specifically attempting to take over one
of the citadels of Golgotha, but two, and more importantly, Tanhauser was thrust back
in time and created the first ever society with dinosaurs that was a leftist paradise
that fell apart during the dinosaur extinction event that occurred on DICE.
We also have the bit where, um, the team received the strongest boon known on time, a rattle point.
That's correct.
Yep.
Is there any point during the campaign?
Yeah.
At any point.
Cash it in.
Yep.
The rattle point.
So I think, Thurston, if I got everything, um, we are currently riding in, in Snot's, uh,
mech going, going to our next destination.
Yep.
You are heading off in to the Golgothan Wastes.
Yeah.
Salty did such a good job in this art, everybody.
Sorry, podcast listeners.
Yeah, you should just watch podcast listeners.
Yeah, you should, you should do what this one guy did when we went to, uh, to a convention
where he just had the entire football game playing in our Uber ride.
We just kind of looked at it and I'm like, hey man, who's winning?
He's like, oh, you know.
Oh, you know.
Miles.
The guys.
The smiles.
My guys.
The home team.
The team.
My team.
My team.
Hashtag my team.
And you, you better hope they win because otherwise this, this ride's going to be awkward.
You're not cheering on the other guys, right?
Don't, don't do that.
You start swerving.
You, you're on my team, right?
Cars, cars, cars.
Yeah, well, what, what's Snot got on the, uh, uh, the, the iPad in your, in your whip here?
Uh, well, uh, there is no such thing as an iPad, but instead, uh, when we drive by,
um, in this mech that looks like Snot's face, uh, just driving, uh, the legs have crumpled
together into a set of wheels as it traverses the dunes.
And you can hear, uh, from a little speaker going, and here on the right, you can see the vast dunes
of Golgotha.
And on the left, you can see the vast dunes of Golgotha.
Truly a remarkable place.
What about ahead of us?
You're not going to believe this one, Oren.
Yeah.
It's the dunes of Golgotha.
Whoa!
I know, right?
Bear quite as vast, Ed.
That's the only thing.
Yeah.
Now and then, you can spot something, like, right here, on our right, you can spot a dead guy.
And, uh, Snot, like, points at a corpse of someone who has trashed their, uh, like, their buggy
against a rock or something.
And, uh, you can see, like, a picked clean corpse, uh, against the rock as she points at
it.
Aren't shakes, Vena.
Can we feed it?
Feed it?
Like, I think the vultures have already got it, man.
They're ahead of you.
Oh, okay.
I know.
It's all right.
You can feed the next one to the vultures.
Blah.
So, is there anything here, is there anything here that's not a dune or desert in nature?
Oh, yeah, below.
Like, nature?
Below, above, over the air.
And she points at, like, in the far distance.
You can see a, see a roiling, maybe, like, dune of, like, thrown up sand that looks like
if you were there, you could probably, like, it would be, like, blot out the sun or whatever.
Like, don't go there.
What's, what's over there?
Sand.
Is that it?
Just sand?
Yeah.
Yeah, just sand.
Doesn't seem that bad.
No.
Sand, industry, what little you find in the ground.
But don't worry, Rahua, it's not just sand.
Sometimes, it's just wasteland.
Oh, that makes me feel better.
Yeah, sometimes it's even clay.
Oh, I like clay.
It feels good in between my teeth.
Yeah.
Mr. Tanhauser.
This is where you're from, right?
Indeed.
What can you tell us about it?
You know, he kind of sets down.
Golgotha is not a happy place.
It is here we dwell under the rulership of the dreadful tyrant, Lord Golgotha himself.
Once, long ago, he and his fellows saved the world from a great crisis, and his prize was this wasteland.
And he made it his own, crafted a society to his liking, one of complete and abject oppression.
Those on the Wastes suffer and toil.
They are either bandits, eking out an existence on this lifeless and heinous plain.
Tribesmen scattered, often in supplication of the Golgothan diktat.
Or corpses.
That is, uh, all of it is nice.
No, by all means, you go.
No, no, and the things, the things out in the dunes, she just points out towards the horizon.
There are things in the dunes that didn't exist here before Lord Golgotha got his ways, and now they're here.
No one really knows why.
Well, you, it was like an awful place, but why were you in Outset?
I know you're a bunch of revolutionary.
I figured your efforts would be best here than Outset.
Because Lady Zayl rescued me.
Once, long ago, I did not have the principles I cling to today.
I was a madman, the right hand of a powerful Vandal Lord, and at the will of Golgotha, I and many of my slave-soldier fellows would rightly plunder and kill and despoil in his name.
I did it with great talent.
At the moment, I was exceedingly good at brutality.
But then, one day, my troop and I had captured a strange woman here to study the Zeskoran ruins.
The only thing of value here besides the Black Papacy's earthblood.
She changed my life.
She made me realize that what I have done, what I have defined myself as, it was nothing.
It was a juvenile fantasy.
I was being puppeteered, oppressed.
All potential that lied within me was being squandered on this, this madness.
So, myself and many of my closest companions, rather than deliver her to the Warlord as promised,
We rode on the Wastes, and we rode for Outset.
None of my fellows survived.
I only did so based on what little could be salvaged of their blood and bones that kept me stable enough
so that way I could be returned to Outset and fitted with this metal body.
Even now, this place seems like a long-forgotten memory to me.
The feel of the sand, of the wind before my hair, that's here.
But as I reach out to grasp the breeze, I do so with hands that do not feel pain.
That do not feel anything.
Do you, do you at least feel home?
I have no home.
I have purpose.
That is enough for me.
Hmm.
Bummer.
Someday, this tyrant will be dead.
All tyrants will be dead.
You cannot suppress the human spirit in such totality to think you can with any amount of power.
It is hubris.
We shall first teach the people of Outset this lesson.
And then, maybe someday, I will be able to teach the people of Golgotha as well.
Sounds to me, from some of the stories, that you were regrown.
In part.
My head trace parts of my body.
They could be preserved.
But, most everything you see is mechanical.
Now, I think there's a lot more than your body that got regrown.
There's a...
There's some...
Some folks who live over in the mountains back at home,
whenever they go through great strife or...
Whenever...
It's some parts of their lives that go into the great trees and...
When they come out, they find themselves regrown.
With either a new purpose, new hindsight, and everything else.
And...
Here's a lot more brutal than probably with their journeys, but...
I think not just your body yourself, but I think your mind is...
Yeah.
Definitely changed.
Oh, certainly.
Without Lady Selle, I would be...
One of the many corpses you see littering this road.
Or worse.
I would have survived and become a tyrant in my own image.
That...
Can no longer happen.
I am reborn.
Oren...
You have a sensitive soul, and though you embrace the brutality of nature, it is nothing compared to the brutality of man.
This place...
With that red sun hanging above, that black smog, the ever-flowing wind carrying not a drop of moisture...
But hard and...
Hot sand...
This place...
I think...
Will reveal its true ugliness to your eyes.
Veena, do you hear something on the...
On the sort of winds?
Uh, like a...
Gasping...
Cry-shout.
Like...
Um, just from over one of the dunes you're approaching.
Sounds like we've got, uh, more than just dunes on our hands here.
Everybody look alive.
Hmm.
Um...
As you kind of crest, you see that further up ahead, there is...
A humanoid figure that is atop the dunes.
Like, in a...
In a dark brownish cloak.
Um, the glint of blood-stained metal.
The blood being more from the red of the sun than anything else.
Reflects off of bits and pieces.
There's what appears to be, like, a broken staff weapon beside the figure.
Uh, the...
The sort of midpoint cracked in half, and, uh, like a metal point, making it like an impromptu pike beside it.
Uh, one part of it seems to have been placed into the ground.
One to the other has now just broken off and is partly obscured by the dunes.
The figure itself seems to be crawling.
It's the same.
Let's pull over.
Hold on.
We need to see it first.
Could be a trap.
Yeah, it could be bait.
Take a look around for an ambush.
Damn, you're right.
Orin likes to peep around.
I will do that.
I will also peep around.
Hey, give me a perception check.
Orin got a, uh, six for a total of 25.
Okay.
33.
Okay.
Orin got a 15 for a total of 32.
Okay.
Um, you get the...
Impression that there does not seem to be anyone.
What you do note, however, is that this, this area sort of sections off.
There's a path that leads kind of southwest.
You're currently on a westbound, uh, bearing.
Um, the southwest path seems to have some worked stone.
Uh, and it, like, leads off towards some other, uh, location of note.
Uh, that you can't tell what exactly it is, uh,
without going to explore that more.
Um, this person clearly was heading in that direction and was dropped off.
Uh, we got some potions and some water.
You're gonna waste water on that guy.
Well, think about it this way.
It's more information.
Figure out what he was up to.
Besides, I mean, do we really have any leads on, you know,
a nudge Tanny with my elbow?
Well, where we're off to?
Bring him on board.
Sure.
I don't know how much room we got this...
With my entire plus one strength.
I don't know how much room we got this mech.
Well, yeah, it's more like, it's more that you're, like,
holding on to the sides, kind of.
This is a convenience.
This is not actually, like, a super usable vehicle.
Uh, this is like a two-seater golf cart that five people are on.
Yeah, we're not a Toyota Sienna or anything.
We, uh, we already established it in the last episode
that the mech is dragging a wagon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
All right, yeah.
I'll jump out.
And I'll, uh, putting on my diplomacy hat,
I'll get down and, from my pack, offer him some water.
Yeah, as you get close, you can see that the man's face
has been replaced with a grill of metal.
Hey, bud.
You need some water?
Or, uh, one of these?
I'll pull one of the potions from my pack.
Water.
Water, there we go.
I'm going to hand it to him.
Like, there's, like, this weird suctioning sound
as the water skin is placed, uh, over the grill,
and, like, it's clear he's trying to get the water through
in a non-efficient manner.
Or some of it even splashing off to the side.
Water!
All right, all right.
I'm going to, like, prop him up and try to efficiently...
Now that I see that he kind of just sucks the water in
like a vacuum through this grill,
I'm going to start pouring it onto his face.
I think we've already gone past that, but thank you.
You all right?
No, I'm dying.
Happens to the best of us.
Here.
And I'm going to hand him the healing potion now.
Uh, one of the minor healing potions from my bag.
Closer to the mic, Therson.
Wasted on me.
Wasted on me.
Well, if I thought it was a waste,
I wouldn't be giving it to you.
Come on.
Oh, wasted.
I can't.
Won't make it.
You.
Why are you here?
This place is abandoned.
Um, oh God.
How do we explain that we're looking for the...
It's in my notes.
Which...
The protection of fire.
Just telling me we're passing through.
We are passing through.
But, I mean, we're looking for...
We're looking for weird things having to do with fire, aren't we?
Yeah.
Or did we already...
Did we already spot where it is?
I don't recall that from last session.
No, we...
I was in the 7-Eleven hell.
As far as I'm aware,
we are heading to a rebel base
that we've been intimated on the location of,
but we don't currently have a lead for the protection of fire.
Right.
Indeed.
And so I...
That's what I want from this...
Uh, poor dying native.
Uh, we're...
Off exploring.
Intrepid adventurers.
You know how that is.
So, um...
If I give you this...
Will it get you to your destination?
I was left here to die.
My destination is that.
Okay.
They left me.
Flora, be it for me to stop me...
Left me...
Before the heretic's path.
Heretic's path.
He, like, points over to the...
To that path to the southwest that you...
You're kind of, like...
Where it branches off to.
Why do they call it that?
Yeah.
They've took refuge here.
The heretics.
I see.
So they were hoping these heretics would pick you off, or that the desert would do that?
Yes.
Okay.
Well?
You are not from here.
You should not be here.
They will use your blood to lubricate their machines.
They wouldn't be the first ones to try.
Or succeed.
We're talking about that right now, Rahua.
Rahua, that's what I'm sensitive about.
Crackle pop.
I know he fucking got me, dude.
Ooh, you got...
You got pizoned.
The figure sort of, like, starts to turn over on his side, and there is some creaking.
And you see some of, like, even the metallic bits seem to be sloughing off of the flesh now,
as though, like, he's been left out here for some time.
As he adjusts around, you then sort of hear him say,
They'll come.
Your wagon isn't fast enough.
They'll ride you down.
I think they gotta worry about us more than we gotta worry about them.
If you seek to live, you should go to the heretic's path.
There's refuge there.
And there's, like, a gasping exhalation,
and the face just falls into the sand.
Ugh.
I'm gonna listen for a heartbeat.
Is he gone?
You hear nothing.
Must have been out here a while.
You were wasting your time with that madman.
No, I don't think so.
Any lead we can get is a lead we should take.
Hmm.
Snot leans over to Oren and goes,
Is she always, like,
really brave?
Or is she stupid?
She's really cool.
The answer is stupid.
Don't listen to her.
My friend's beating up my friend right down.
I think she's really cool.
Okay.
Okay.
So brave.
I see.
He nods.
It's a very small difference.
That's my captain.
You're a captain?
Uh, that I am.
She does a little salute to you.
Captain?
Captain?
Captain?
Still feels weird.
Justvina's all right for now.
Okay.
Captain Justvina.
Um.
That guy.
She points at the corpse.
Permission.
Yeah, we're not going to let him.
To take everything he has on him.
We're not going to let him go to waste, are we?
Yeah, exactly.
Permission granted, I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's not using it.
So me and Snot, like, hop off.
Yeah.
With two different purposes.
Yeah.
No.
She has a rock in her hand and starts bashing his, like, body to get loose any piece of metal.
No, no.
Don't hit it like that.
You'll poison the meat.
What?
No.
See, you need to hit it really hard.
I appreciate that Oren is the more fucked up in this situation.
It has been established.
Oren eats people.
Yeah.
You need to cut up the abdomen to see if they have any internal parts.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Pulls out a pair of scissors and starts just sniffing.
Oh, there we go.
Rahua leans over to Tannhauser.
So this is...
Is this the bar of a reason you were talking about out here?
Well, no, honestly, but...
I feel like Oren is here after all.
Ayo, vulture boy, shit this out.
I'm not a vulture.
He says covered in gore.
Prisky, but a man's gore.
Looks at camera mouth.
It's just covered in blood.
Looking like that one picture of the creature with the big wet eyes covered in blood.
Oh, my God, yes.
Shaking it out, vulture boy.
His liver is okay.
A little yippy creature.
Got to preserve that.
That's a snack for later.
Yeah.
Or wraps it up.
Damn, this guy is not...
This guy is just skin and bones.
Barely any bolts at all.
Wow.
You never turned down a free meal.
What's the opposite of Pog?
Gop.
Gop.
Gop.
Gop.
This is getting Gop chat.
Wait.
Hello.
My name is...
My name is Gage.
First time watching.
How are you guys?
No problem.
We're eating a guy right now.
Thanks for watching the stream, man.
I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks for watching the stream.
Welcome, Gage.
Thanks, gamers.
This is what we do, apparently.
They find a man's, like, last, you know, moments in the deep red desert, and then they're
like, oh, man, monster hunter cooking session.
How can I?
Yeah.
Yeah.
How am I, Gage?
I mean, how good is the meat?
Like, how does, like, I bet.
How does it taste?
Is he jerky?
Oh, like, yeah.
Like, he's also mostly, like, synthetic components, so the meat you're getting off of this is, like,
not good meat.
Hmm.
That corpse is full of bad meat.
List of Rotgrind player characters confirmed to have microplastics in their brain.
Tannhauser.
Snot.
Now, Oren.
Also true.
Paper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You wanna?
She pulls out, like, the heart of this entity, and she, like, like, rips out the tube that
was attached to it.
He still has his human heart.
You want it?
Oh, Pong!
We're best friends now!
Kalima!
We're best friends now!
Yeah!
High fives.
High fives, snot.
Yeah, high fives.
That's my little guy.
That's my favorite little guy.
He sure is eating a bunch of gore.
Takes a bite of the heart.
You know, the soul is stuck in the heart, so we need to eat the heart to make it become
stronger.
Whoa, for real?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're my new best friend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She just eats it in one bite.
I remember when I ate my first human heart.
They grow up so fast.
You know, I gave someone a crisis of faith and, like, did a whole thing with that.
This is a bit much even for me.
Like, I get the whole move life on to death and vice versa, but what the fuck?
Oh, we're just getting stuck.
Mm-hmm.
Or Oror turns back to the cart.
Ted Ozer, don't fucking say that to me.
Let's wait till we go underground.
Oror turns back to the cart and stuff and, you know, wiping, wiping, you know, food stuff
off his face and, uh, food stuff.
And the man before him, the food in question.
He sits down.
He says, it reminds me of the invaders back home.
He's just happy.
Invaders?
Yeah.
Sometimes people come up and attack the mountains.
Sometimes people try to, like, poach some of the eggs and some of the other animals on
the mountains and, like, and my dad gets really upset about it and stuff, uh, but my mom
thinks that we can, like, make a peace thing with, with people, but my dad doesn't agree.
So, you know, just to ride with the fitness, really, like, sometimes food gets really low,
so we eat them.
Well, yeah, of course.
Sometimes the lizard people taste really good.
Yeah, why wouldn't you?
That makes sense to me.
Nature is beautiful.
Yeah.
I guess.
Sure.
You know, why not?
Pack it up quick, though.
We've got a, we've got a, we've got a rebel base to worry about.
I have lunch for everyone.
Right here, he pats a bloody mass of rags that's packaged up.
You know what?
I'm not, I'm not really all that hungry anymore, as it happens.
Oh, okay.
At least you're okay, though.
You know, at times, at times like this, I'm really glad I only have to eat because
of the system.
Now, I put my, I put my hand on Oren's shoulder.
Now, Oren, make sure you don't eat any of the brains, because that's how you get prion
disease.
No, the brains is the best part.
You gotta cook it, right?
Oh, that explains a lot.
Vina, you hear the revving of engines in the distance.
Hey, guys, not to, uh, not to spoil anyone's fun here, but I think I hear engines revving
in the distance, and I have now been led to believe by the man who is currently, um,
lunch, that that is a bad sign.
Oh, yes, it is.
Prepare yourselves, battle stations!
Get back onto the mech!
Yep.
It's not Scampers up on it, like a beetle.
Oh!
We hop in.
Beetle?
All right.
Let's ride!
Can I potentially try to identify what sort of machines are approaching us?
Uh, well, they haven't reached line of sight yet, so you have time.
It's more, what are you doing?
Um, this person clearly, like, said you could go, like, find some, some shelter, or at least
some kind of defensible position if you go down the heretics path, uh, or you could continue
in the open desert.
Captain, which plane, which, which direction?
Which direction?
Go down the heretics path.
That way?
Yeah!
Yeah!
Floor it!
And, um, Snot will just click the mech into gear, and it starts moving at 120 feet per round.
That's a lot of feet per round.
It is a lot of feet per round.
That's a little faster than me.
Most machines are.
You can run as fast as, as a dune buggy.
Well, I get 45 feet per action.
So if I move, move, move, that's, uh, 90.
I can see why you're the captain.
Are you some kind of legendary hero?
Uh, um, no.
I mean, you do feed random strangers water in the desert.
You have a cool sword, a big hat.
You're the captain.
I'm just assuming you can run as fast as a dune buggy.
She holds up her hands from, from the controls as the mech keeps on going.
I'm just assuming.
I, I, I, you know, I'm flatter.
I'm, I'm, I'm just fast.
That's Vena the captain for us.
Yeah, fast as fuck.
Good old captain Vena.
Vena's gonna sit down and put her face in her hands.
Are the engines getting closer?
Um, you're, you're, you're keeping like pace ahead.
So like, you're telling you like they're following or at least coming in the direction of, but you're, you're, they're not gaining on you with this speed down here.
Just, um, you're guessing they're also probably not pushing.
If that makes sense.
It's like they're, they're following, uh, but they might be keeping their distance or, you know, doing checks around.
Yeah.
Now as, yeah.
Now as, as you get down this path, um, a couple of things, you see that there's a stone walkway that you've, you follow along on your mech.
Um, it eventually leads to a collapse of rubble, uh, particularly, um, you can see that there's like crack stone, uh, a big chunk of stone that has collapsed over and then several ruined buildings.
Um, I am going to do a thing here, give me a moment to elucidate this cool scene.
I think that's everyone will try to see.
Remember, if they come to surround us and try to get us all, remember no survivors.
Oh, that's, I can fuck with that heavy urine.
Yeah, he fist bumps Brehua.
Yeah, let's kill him.
Are you two making a suicide pact?
No.
No.
Only for the enemy.
It's a homicide pact, Tadhauser.
It's totally different.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's all right.
Yeah.
But how did I take damage?
You took convulsional embarrassment damage.
Yeah.
Correct.
Me not know me.
Not sure.
All right.
So in this position, I'd like to use, um, time sense.
Okay.
And I'd like to get an idea about how long do we have before they're on us?
Uh, you're attempting to, oh, go ahead.
One day Thursday, I want you to, when he casts that, like, hey, what time of this is, oh, well, I think it's time for you to get a watch.
I don't need a watch.
I'm a time magician.
I also really appreciate, like, speakers just, like, innate inability to, like, use rules as they were ever intended.
Like, the spell is literally, like, it'll just, like, tell you the, the, the exact time down to the, to the year.
The speaker's like, I would like to use this level one cantrip to tell the time to give me a precise approximate position of the enemies rolling up on our combat.
Excuse me, Thurston Hillman, plus one status bonus to an attack roll, perception check, saving throw, or skill check.
I take on the same turn.
I cast time sense.
Huh?
Okay.
Rules as written and intended.
Thank you.
I'm glad you did.
What skill check?
What skill check are you, uh?
Um, well, that is something that I could ask you.
Um, I could use, I could make an argument, a really long shot argument, for, like, fucking crafting shipbuilding for my knowledge of approximate ship speeds.
I could do lore engineering, lore warfare.
Um, I could use perception.
Whatever you feel appropriate.
I think, I think warfare is probably reasonable here.
Okie dokie.
So let's see.
About how long until they are upon us.
Uh, that is going to be a 37.
Cool.
Uh, that's enough for you to know that what they're doing is they're probably, like, giving wide paths and doing, uh, concentric circles to, to box you in.
Um, you're lucky you reached this area before that, because if they got you on the open dunes like that, it would be a very, very bad time.
Um, this is all very tactically relevant information as you're kind of figuring out what to do next.
Um, but what takes you back a moment, as you're guessing, they're probably, gosh, no more than 30 minutes, at least from, from an advanced vanguard that'll probably find you.
They're probably spread out into groups.
One of them will find you, and then from there it will escalate quickly.
Um, as you realize all of this, you recognize that the structures to the southwest, you definitely have seen these shattered runes before.
Uh, in fact, this was the place where you and your companions that you mentioned had basically hidden during those, those darker times.
Your outpost.
Was this during the escape, or during my time as a vandal soldier?
Uh, this would have been just prior to the escape.
This would have been during the, like, the, that moment where you had made the decision to escape.
Uh, you hadn't quite enacted.
This would have been, like, the, the moment of rebellion sort of sparked here.
I recognize this place.
Quickly, let's find refuge there.
We can hold out to get to the oncoming vanguard.
They're going to circle us.
Goodness knows for how long.
Better starve us out.
Uh, okay.
Either way, Mr. Tannhauser.
I don't move that fast.
I do move that fast.
Yeah, the structure itself is sort of sandstone exterior with some tower walls, most of which have collapsed.
There's a couple interior areas.
You can see a pile of, like, debris and metal junk bits that have been stashed up here.
Uh, there's what appears to have been some kind of meeting area in the northwest here, but that's long since been abandoned.
Um, this, this place hasn't seen use in a very long time.
Can you do the camera?
There's, uh, yeah, let's see here.
There we go.
Thank you.
Yes.
Yes, this place will do nicely.
I, I will cover our tracks.
Can I roll a survival to cover our tracks?
Yeah, absolutely.
Watch them.
Uh, here we go.
I roll a seven for a total of 23.
I will keep that, because that's funny.
Uh, as Snot, uh, you know, walks backwards and just sweeps up any, any prints without realizing that where else would they have gone?
Yeah, I, I gotta fix it.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
I trust you.
I trust you with my life, Snot.
Thank you, Captain.
Aye, aye, aye.
All right.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna give this ruins a quick, quick glance.
Uh, uh, do I sense anything, like traps or that somebody was here before us?
Yeah, give it a perception.
Okay, not bad.
34.
This area has not been used in a long time.
Um, the last, the last, the last sort of sightings you can see here are more people who've likely come here to scavenge.
You see some foot traffic by some of the piles of, of debris and refuge, but yeah, realistically, no, there's been no active use of this location.
If you had to, like, put a, put a, put a statement on what happened here, the word that comes to mind is shunned.
Hmm.
All right.
Well, uh, looks like this place is pretty, pretty abandoned.
So we should be good to hold up here while our friends circle us.
Yes.
Perhaps if we're lucky, we'll catch a sight of them, know what they are.
I'll tell these.
They might wait until.
Go ahead.
Oh, they might wait until nightfall when everything is dark.
I'll tell all these towers, Mr. Thurston.
Um, so the towers themselves are about 15 feet up.
Uh, they are super tall.
This is more of like a structure meant to be in a depression than anything.
Um, so it's not giving you like massive vantage, but it's enough to, to look around the immediate
area.
As I roll a perception check, I would like to look for a nice vantage point in which to
be a scout person.
Yeah, for sure.
Well, the 12 for a total of 31.
that is a 31 is very pog that's enough for you to have a position you can go into absolutely
pick one of those towers and set yourself up i was meaning you say was there like a better
vantage point than the towers or is the towers it like the tower would be the best nearby your
other option would be to go up onto some of these rock faces up here to the northwest but it would
really like yeah limit me and respond from the rest of your yeah art flies up from your allies
it flaps up onto the towers like i'll keep watch
good goal i'm gonna climb up this uh bit of scrap and i'm gonna hopefully be able to if a fight comes
like take half cover from the top of this wall if you need me to make a check or anything
uh no you can just climb up it it's it's fairly like stacked stuff there's nothing of
of of real value anything that's of proper value has been taken most of this is just like rusted
cast-offs um you can see you're probably literally climbing on the rusted cast-off equipment of some
of your former companions here all right um yeah i probably recognize like i remember we had to haul
that out god that sucked um uh taking a look at that um another thing i'm going to do is i'm going
to be spending a minute so everyone else will get to do their business but i'm going to cast
clairvoyance um 500 feet in the air
okay and i'm hoping from that ideally is that i can get a bird's eye view of like the the surrounding
area so that way we have a a means of maybe seeing where these fuckers are um or otherwise like
catching sight of them do you think that's reasonable or do you think that's maybe yeah
absolutely absolutely um you can shoot that into the air um it it begins tracking you can see that
there are dust clouds and dust storms uh that are that are moving about here um what you're seeing
is smaller dust dunes i'll need a perception check from you to kind of identify some of what's going
on with those dust dunes and dust storms absolutely here's a perception yeah all right that's a seven
on the die for 25 okay um you are able to catch several vehicles uh it looks like there is a group
there are several dozen and there's probably more further beyond the site but you catch a group of
four vehicles in particular that are making their way from the east towards your position
um they peak they appear to be you know similar on scale to snot's mech but more
more constructed with an intent um particularly the intent of you know actually um carrying people
made made for the dunes not for all terrain yeah do i guess and not necessarily for like one inventor
but they they have very like buggy ish sort of um build up here okay yeah so no no telling who these
guys are until we until they get a bit closer but i get a sense that we're dealing with around uh
12 uh 12 rigs would penthouse or know the names of these things well um you're really again with
the the viewer you're not able to get a good idea of what they are like you can see rough shapes but
you guess that these are some of the desert vandals exactly what the the individual makeup of them is
you're gonna have to wait till they're a bit closer to see um just because you're basically using a
giant like sensor in the sky you're getting like vague impressions of shapes um that being said
um you can tell that only only the four of them are sort of making their way to your position
all right i'll call out and i'll just say four of the twelve are breaking off pursuit coming our way
assuming the best case scenario there's at least eight of them
no sign of the warlord
if only it might be with a larger group who knows
can't wait to to pluck his skull from his dead body
are there any traps we can say
cool um our trap guy is usually baldrick
yeah who's that
he's a wonderful alchemist who is our dear friend and he decided perhaps for the best that he was going to stay on the ship
oh not a dunes guy huh
not really a dunes guy he hates sand
uh it gets everywhere i get him
yeah it's it's course it was more battlefield earth than dune
yeah true
my ability to lay traps is a bit limited most of my spells only have a lasting time of minutes
i'll have to wait until we're in combat before i can start laying them
yeah i just got a gun
so no blasting at all
oh i've got blasts
i could blast i could summon lightning from the sky
it's true
oh he can he certainly can
bestie you're getting better every single time i hear anything about you
orange blushes
bestie
thanks bestie
i'm gonna go
i'm gonna go and look for things that can burn
and then she wanders around and looks for anything that is available
should the plan be if they ever come after us we funnel them into this building and then we start blasting
yeah
into this kind of hallway
ideally yes whatever you can do to stay in there in advance
they're not going to be able to use these vehicles inside of here unless they are
incredibly destructive armaments
i could do that
i get ready to tango vine the shit out of that place
yeah yeah
yeah
uh
can i search for flammable objects
such as with this little up this tent uh next to the building and whatever
yeah of course
awesome perception
survival
crafting what do you want
crafting is probably the one i'd want here
heck yeah
that's a two
uh i will reroll that using my daily hero point
okay
hero point
it's a two
put it on the docket
now you got 35
yeah that is the cool rule that you is utilizing rockride i forgot you guys utilize the plus 10 rule so
she gets a total of 34 to try to find these things
noise
noise
noise
yeah
noise
yeah
um
yeah
yeah
by the way one thing that is pretty cool
uh when you have been traveling with snot is that all of you me and up to five allies
uh so that includes all of you plus gorgamonger
um
uh
treat the natural temperature effects of an environment as one step less severe
uh so things like food um
vision being like
uh
uh
in
in
like anything being lowered by like bad rain or severe heat blurring the vision line on the horizon
all of that is reduced by one step
uh because i have this i have defeat environmental guide
hell yeah
uh
yeah
uh
but yeah what do i find with my 34
34 is enough for you to find that there is an old an old gas drum here that has some of the
the the liquid of the earth that could be repurposed
um
probably be like a one and done thing but you could probably jury ring something with it
mm-hmm
hey i found a tank
of earth blood chicken
and she dunks it down
the rusted just canister in the middle of the room
good find
you haven't told your friends about earth blood at all
they haven't asked
well
the part of me
i'll remember next time
most things in golgotha runs on earth blood
it's fuel created by the black papacy it's how it defines its existence and its usefulness to
the diktat
yeah highly flammable
uh
if i could i would also like to take the tent tarp that was outside there as well because that is tarp
and that can be soaked in gas in the gasoline that's true yeah
all right so as you are as you were prepping that give me a
give me a crafting check for that heck yeah dude why is zorn rolling me a bunch of d
ignore that i'm rolling dice because the foundry roll audio wasn't working and i was fixing it and i
have to roll a dice to make a noise so don't worry about that okay so if you ever wonder in our
production why when we roll a dice there's not a sound it's because for some god forsaken reason either i
have to use all three browsers either google chrome or microsoft edge or whatever will just not
produce it will not send the freaking audio even though it's playing it it won't send it so i have
to mess with it so weird i fixed it understandable uh snot whips out um the big tube on their back
uh and it clicks out into a various set of small tools i have a thing called a traveler's any tool
that works as as its namesake is i can spend two actions to just tap it and now it is the tool that
i want it to be uh so it's a blacksmithing tool it's a tailoring tool it's whatever i want it to be
um as she prepares to fix this uh giving me a plus one item bonus to check uh as she attempts to do
this and she points at tannhauser and goes you handsome man get over here and help me do some
great warfare very well i will tend to it quickly and i'm gonna go down and i'm gonna help uh snot
uh i will roll i roll a 17 for total of 39. awesome and then should i roll to assist yes indeedy dandy
doodly doodly nice i have rolled a 38 one less heck yeah that will be a critical success so that'll be a plus two
so we are at 41 worth of guerrilla warfare yes hell yeah so we so we could take over a small city
state with this one gasoline tank it's a very good gasoline tank now that gasoline tank you're really
good at this well you're really good yes well thank you don't say don't say that in front of the captain
what you're in front of the captain oh my god oh my god you should be at full hp by the way you should
be fine oh i should i i don't know what hit me upon the uh upon the uh beautiful city destroying gas can
i will climb the mountain of scrap again and i will uh keep my lookout hey you tree man
yes it's not oh it was rahua right yes it was i am rahua you're the only one that has told me
your name oh my god okay so i'm gonna level with you here yeah if you call them just about whatever
you think that their names are usually they don't notice but for your reference the blue one is vena
the red one yes yes yeah the red one is tanhauser the green one uh the green the one with
bird boys yes the bird boys my best friend and that dragon is gorgamonger doesn't we have
another friend who's involved yes it's dragon whoa it's pretty cool it's pretty cool yeah it's pretty
cool yeah real uh as the one person that told me their name directly do you want the honor to tip
this big gasoline can on someone earth club burns real good and i would like you to have the honor
to kill as many people as possible i would love to return as many people of many of these horrible
bandit wasters into raw materials for creation once again that's awesome and then she takes out her
foldable ladder and extends it so that rahua can get up on one of the towers and just dip the
gas tank over someone whenever it's needed for who will climb up the ladder okay see this is the power
of good equipment chat you need a foldable ladder otherwise you're not a real adventurer
i take out my butterfly net to get ready to catch our wannabe tanhauser
and oran you spot something i spot something to the east to the east a bathtub approaches a bathtub
approaches uh what what so how do you even know what that is best way to describe this is a bathtub
where like a cast iron bathtub where the feet have been replaced with mechanical limbs that smoke
uh some sort of earth blood concoction um there is a man inside of it who is dressed in all black and
has a top hat the notable thing is is that the man is not like lying in the bathtub but like clearly
appears to be standing but the only way that this man is standing is in in the bathtub is if he does not
have legs okay so it's the bathtub it's howl's moving castle if howl survived the vietnam war whoa
i'm i'm so excited to see the art of this bathtub man there's no art there's no art for this particular
npc no i know betrayed betrayed you couldn't have notified me i would have 100 drawn the bathtub man
i know i know i know missed opportunities missed opportunities look i'm trying to give you a few
more role play opportunities here so look at how cool that bathtub man looks you know what you know
what no no no you know what fuck this i did this this was intentional i did this for the podcast
listeners
this was gonna w this time fuck you video yeah you know what podcast listeners everyone gives you
shit i'm here for you podcast listeners by doing that gm thing where i make up an npc on the spot
and you get to have it so anyways the bathtub man
he sees the bathtub man who is best described to have legs like that are puming smoke or something
it looks like he doesn't have legs and he's just as if he's standing but wait wait he doesn't have
art he stepped on the landmine and exploded oh that's a shame sorry sorry video listeners
we didn't have time i'm going to move here
i'm going to take out my grappling hook i'm going to grappling hook over here
uh-huh is that allowed do i have to make a check no you're you're batman you're cool cool all right
all right epic all right whereabouts is the bathtub man
i'll i'll like the bathtub man is approaching from far over here i'm just gonna put a circle
i'd find like some bad stock out of a bathtub and have a token but we'll just say bathtub man's over here
all right and he's he's coming alone yeah it's just just him in the bathtub
i'll call out stay your purpose
why hello there it appears you are surrounded
so it would appear
we are in one of them situations
i have been sent to negotiate
what are your terms
we want the goblin first and his machine her machine their machine very ambiguous to us
we want the goblin and the machine yender is a construct either way
um we would also settle for your tree
why do you want the goblin
well i didn't do anything
kicks cut to cut to like yeah cut to like a week earlier like this this machine tearing through
like four dune rigs just like we we do like still shots of people in terror getting like
by the giant mag yeah and it's not eating one of their faces and going
exactly
that's pretty cool
well you can't have it's pretty cool
i believe we can
we are currently sitting on tons of earth blood ready to blow at any moment
that does not sound good for your position or yours
good job mr townhazer you pull out the uh
i'll fucking kill us both i'll do it
great negotiation mr
yes the negotiator
actually this makes sense this makes sense what is ten houses diplomacy again
oh it's i think it's like negative two
yeah give me that diplomacy check
yeah yeah you got it um yeah if i have my high high fashion clothes on i could make an impression of
oh boy
it's not like we have anybody here trained in diplomacy all right that's a free
ten house took the lead like you let him basically say we're on a pile of gasoline and we don't care about our lives
like no i think he's on to something
do you push him away gently like is there like the equivalent of like the cane is you just like
all right tan hauser backs off like hey if i was a bad land if i was a bad land savage
and i was going on a slave raid and the slaves held themselves hostage with a warehouse full of
gasoline i would maybe not go in there i would consider i would consider leaving oh wait doesn't
change the fact you got a three yeah
okay but consider the counterpoint consider the counterpoint speaker yeah in that sure you're
presupposing that a bunch of yahoos with a warehouse full of slaves and gasoline is a dangerous place to
be consider though you currently have none you either attempt to enter the warehouse and it blows up and
you have no slaves or you go in you win and you come out with more slaves infinite risk is infinite
reward you know you might be right but we have a can of gasoline that is so deadly and powerful
it could conquer a small city state
hey game master quick question uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh to try to save face can i argue can i argue that these
are war raving vandal and therefore tan hauser could arguably roll warfare for their social interaction
um you know i i i i i can understand that but also but also there there are other people who could be diplomatic here if that's like the solution we're going for so
so i kind of like more than half of it and the oh it makes his way yeah i was going to say i want to hand the baton on here
and then aaron makes his way to tannhauser and he whispers he's like mr tannhauser i have an idea
sorry i was eating a cheesesteak god damn it
i pay you fucker
tannhauser's sucking down a cheese sha boing boing in the middle of battle
he's gonna have his cheesesteak yeah mr tannhauser it's a golden shot cheese i i recommend
we we send we send vena to negotiate a little bit but if negotiations fail uh we could we could say
that we have a dragon
and it'll eat them all if they don't listen that's a good point but these degenerates they might just
enjoy the challenge we'll have to see we're not sending vena outside of these walls but she can call
out as i have yeah trust me it's great it's how we do things here remember if we need to intimidate him
vena who's sitting there eating a cheesesteak
like where didn't you get these okay there's a there's like a box like just says gold goat and
preserved cheesesteak
i took shelter in years ago i hid my lunch there and now i just unpacked it and i'm sharing it with
me that's that's what you're all disappointed about not about not getting the the tub person like art
piece but the real thing is that golgothin cheesesteak is what you really yeah no um
that lunch is golgothin cheesesteak that's what the rationale in golgotha is it's a cheesesteak
don't ask where the steak comes from true true vena you want to try to convince the person and
do not send the people so we don't have to kill them all yeah i'm coming to help i'm coming to help
thank you captain you're welcome oren
i'm gonna vena's like clambering up like hold on i'm i'm very diplomatic and sober
right just why hello is there anyone there
hi what my friend meant to say is that we're not handing over the goblin
what oh
almost had you or the tree i'm afraid you're going to have to negotiate for something else there is
a lot of really good scrap in these ruins things you could likely use and earth blood it's valuable
so wouldn't that incentivize them to come after us more
maybe or we can trade it for them to leave maybe because we'll blow it the
fuck up maybe there's you know you see me you understand me i'm gonna eat them okay so
you can come for the stuff peacefully and be on your way or we light it all up
or that now don't get too hasty don't get too hasty
what about the bird the bird no no you can't have any of the people captain i think we might be
best off just murdering all of these people hold on i have an angle okay all right whoa
in this pile in this pile of scrap sir we found something incredibly rare and powerful a weapon that
can be affixed to your machines we're happy to destroy it we did unless you want to play nice
well where will hold on now hold on now uh give me a deception check vena yeah
okay that's a 36 hey okay okay we uh
we could be convinced i think to only take one of your people but it must be one of your people
uh no no this magic mcguffin you have
yeah no you take the mcguffin maybe a barrel of earth blood for your troubles and you head on out
how's that sound
i do not think i can negotiate with that my superiors will not be too happy i shall relay what
you have offered all right wait hold on the bathtub turns
orin can you resummon gorgamonger seriously yeah why if we if we if we pretend to hand over gorgamonger
and you just like bamf him back is that possible is that a thing well just give him the dragon
the best all right uh orin gets awfully awkward and he kind of grabs on his arm and he's like i
uh no okay never mind then see in my in my mind he works like a carbuncle you can just kind of summon
him wherever
damn i think we have no choice but to prepare for battle
i guess so we'll see if they're willing to uh come to take the thing we don't have
i mean let's assume that we've successfully
trick them all we're going to have to do is fight another beat and fight another retreat
we're going to chase after us
hmm you think we should just uh blow this guy up while he's alone
no i think we need to prepare for them to send in their reavers once they've lost enough men they
might view this as too hard a target to assail with their current numbers
as though on cue cresting over the ridge to the east are three wheeled vehicles
oh um yeah that looks sick hell yeah each like bedecked with almost like
over a half over a half dozen people crammed into the space um perhaps more probably even
closer to like a full dozen it's hard to tell with the plating but they're sticking up the side
some of them having um ranged firearms some of them having uh like just bludgeoning instruments
you can hear like ululating howls as these these vehicles move uh in sort of a strange order uh then
they have like near the center is a smaller vehicle but notable for its like this is more akin to like
i want to say like a like a a racing car that's modified to have one driver someone sticking out the
side and then what can only be described as an immense brain in a jar oh
oh that's all oh good job on these soldiers yeah yeah then those are coming over the bend
and i think uh we'll take a break here break time break time gonna have a great time
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okay okay let's close a road rage incident okay time to play gorka morca time out time out before
we play gorka morca that's something very important yeah something very important to say as we come back
welcome hi chat hi everybody hi hi hi it's gas kind of gorka morca yeah um so previously i maybe um
gave some preferential treatment to the podcast listeners because you know audio listeners yeah um
salty said fuck that so uh here have some uh some tub guy
so uh audio listeners sorry here uh you're uh you're just you're back
because you get nothing special apparently well it will be in the discord so do that well i did it
for you stream i haven't seen you in so such a long time i thought you needed some special treatment
sorry podcast listeners yeah sorry podcast listeners you're a side girl yeah sorry
anyway thanks for watching our show uh right now we're mad maxing it
yeah yep yeah we are so uh since uh
they're over there they're driving over there they're being led by general
they're driving over there they're they're no no they're they're tub guy tub guy is an emissary
he's an emissary
he is uh inspecting to the advisor class
i wish that class was real
the advisor class yeah i know it's just investigator but yeah
yeah yeah envoy envoy is pretty dope too you know that'll that'll they love star find a second
edition that's right it's pretty it's pretty cool all right so uh i'm gonna allow everyone to roll
uh their preferred skill for initiative based on you know what they've been doing because
that one um can i roll deception yeah absolutely that's that that's just the last role that i made
oh wait uh hold on i just rolled regular style i need to roll initiative
going never mind
oh no second to last
i don't know if i rolled too well by initiative but the zero one was sucking it more
also there you go oh you said i roll i'm rolling for you
tub guy is on my screen he won't go away hold on
there we go uh you are trapped with
on the die for 38. all right before we do everything let's go ahead and go down the order
uh just say yours again one more time for rahua you got a 38. then snot a goblin got
uh 32. and then seven enemies got 31 29 28. then oran got a 23. then vena got
way two and then tenhauser got 20. and then there's one other guy who got 19. that's the turn order
combat has started we have shot ourselves and it's time to begin
well you can put the camera to combat mode please and we're good
don't don't oh wait what
do you broke you break it already
wherever goes first anyway so it's not that bad
i know i've just got let me put it back in since he broke everything put me put me back in an
initiative 500. there you go i plan let's try this again let's try this again roa all right you see
that that three of these bar like these these barges are coming forward and then with the brain guy on it
is awesome so seeing all those people there however noting that they are all very much
outside of my ability to handle right now uh who is going to hold an action actually i'm not gonna
hold anything yet i probably have at least a turn to pop that next turn uh i'm gonna preemptively cast
bless bless on us whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
blessing to your powers no it is only 15 feet but i will move up if need be
do you know how uh bless works yeah 15 foot emanation you all allies gain a plus one status bonus but i
do have to sustain it yeah but but you can slap the r on you yeah yeah so uh how
bless works is that it lasts for a minute you don't have to sustain it but every time you choose
to sustain it you increase his emanation by 10 feet ah gotcha you're that's correct that's right
there in the description cool cool uh that will be my turn whoa whoa whoa whoa i passed the football
whoa the football's passed it's not i i all right i will uh
i will command my my great mech uh giving it a few actions so what i will do is that uh all i really
will do is that i will move this mech uh into a slightly better vantage point by moving it behind
this wall and that is it that is the end of my turn uh but uh you know what before doing that
thurston i would like to use uh if i may i would love to use lore golgotha
uh to identify at least one of these enemies with our recall knowledge check if that is available you
may pick one and it can be either the barges or the brain i will select the barges since they are the
ones that are most common okay let me check heck yes uh i will roll my lore golgotha which i am a
master in i rolled a six for a total of 28. is that a failure uh that's enough for you to succeed so
you can tell that these are our land barges these are um kind of strange in that um they are especially
unit type called a mob not a troop in many ways they act like troops just without um just without like
like yeah without having like like a whole bunch of like like component parts to them they are more
like in this case a vehicle with a bunch of guys on it so it counts as both a construct and a um a
humanoid they're they're like rather than just vehicles a bunch of guys it's more like a bunch of
guys who are just piloting this this vehicle but the vehicle gives them hardness in this case you know
that the vehicle is giving them a lot of uh cover and protection so in many ways the vehicle
acts um like something salty you've dealt with pretty recently yeah deals with something like
construct armor which was totally a fun encounter you just had where if you can actually get a
critical hit off on these guys uh you can break that armor off otherwise you have to damage through
it it gives them hardness as they're behind snot will call out that but yeah i was gonna say uh the
other thing you know is that these are vandals like these are essentially like desert nomad raiders
of the the ones who survive and do the best they are often picked up by the the golgothan armies
the generals of the citadels and whatnot will actually acquire them into their their armed forces but for
now they are kind of just um really really dangerous groups of people who form together into these
mobs so that they can overtake you know more competent prey yeah if you break down their plating they get
really easy to trash so make sure to team up and crush them okay
and that that is the end of my turn
okay vandal brainburster that's a great name
sorry i've just got one thing i have to do here
the brain goes
if only we had caltrops
whoa i know but you but but instead you used them on a tree
i did um you did okay what if you cast a spell that is akin to cal
it's it's true uh that'd be a fun idea yeah and you theme it as you throwing caldron
i spit my caldron drives up oh it as it drives up
uh it's it's driver unleashes a um synaptic uh pulse that like goes along it uh and it casts a spell
of some variety oh shit uh-huh psychic power
it's like a blast it's just wow we gotta take that thing out
around it is rippling as it like drives up and the brain begins pulsating and as this like
somewhat exposed like brain head begins to pulsate the air around it seems to pulsate um sympathetically
sympathetically yeah it's bending reality to its whim like an asshole
oh no oh no it's bending the narrative
uh land barge heads up
uh land barge drives up
oran your go oran looks at tanhauser and goes do you have that spell that that makes people big
not on me at the moment no god damn it well how much time i used it everyone
bitched at me yeah because you did it wrong now was the time
you did it wrong
the last time i used it you know everyone got mad and said oh i mean you mean the last time you used
it the 20 minute encounter turned into an hour and a half yeah oh my god i didn't prepare it today i'm
sorry god damn it
looking at my back if you miss what we're talking about right now uh that's our that's our paizo con
special which you can go see on paizo's youtube channel it's great and speaker did nothing wrong
that's definitely shouldn't feel bad about himself
didn't that didn't that result in giant women though well big big blue lady yeah yeah that is
true you know many people are saying this so it's pretty cool it's impossible to tell whether it's
good or bad yeah okay well big woman you have anything in which to um
um then to to to assist orders i i need your help mr tanhauser do you have any buffs in which to
help because i i'll go out there and run interference i don't know if that's a great idea i've got something
but i feel like i might want to prepare for the incoming dune buggies yeah i'll he said he looks at
the brain i'll eat the brain all right yeah in which case i will commit to uh i will i will cast a buff
on my friend oran because it's it's it's not your turn yet though yeah it's still oran's turn yeah i know
when it becomes okay uh so what i'm gonna do man i wish haste wasn't too anxious it's like
oh if you move away from me if you move away from me you're you're fucked on that yeah yeah yeah that's
what i was like oh man i'm trying to trying to see what i could do here because because we only have
so much time before the guys are here uh i mean i highly doubt the car is going to go in the melee
range like some warhammer dummy and start bumper carting us they're probably just going to start
strafing around and shooting at us i mean maybe it crashes through the wall like a monster truck yeah
they got my truck i mean i was kind of planning on going for the wheels
if i can make a cold shot vena takes out the stick and shoves it in in the bicycle wheel
and the person just falls over and dies
i'm trying to oh my god i'm so sorry to take the time i thought tan hauser had the large thing because
that would have done everything not to rethink everything wow god damn it speaker why didn't you
take it this is all your fault you take the spell i need you to take it it's my fault because it's it's
all of my fault because i should have um i should have coordinated i should have coordinated so it's
in our reality it's actually my fault i should have sent him a message saying you should get the
alarm spell oh my god this brings us back to the yep from earlier
so so what i'm going to do i'm going to extend boost i'm going to extend boost and gorgamonger
uh that's that's going to take me an action to do as he goes like gorgamonger he's like
he's like uh gorgamonger protect protect and everyone else and he'll uh he'll cast that basically
i have to do a special macro to make that work and i will be casting reinforce idolan upon him so he gets
all his awesome defenses let's see if this works and i've do i did he get a hero point for recapping
thurston or no uh yeah yeah yeah yeah i give you her a point sure yay i re-rolled that
ah it's even worse uh that doesn't happen uh at all but wait wait what about the plus 10
all right you are right actually uh yeah i did do the hero point roll thing because uh i was going
real fast yeah with the plus 10 that would be that would be a success so what i will do just just to
make that work is that i'll just do the macro again real quick just to make sure because it automatically
does all the math for us oh my god whatever it does it now all right he now has it
he now has it he now has it for three rounds uh that can be rolled at 29 and so that's one action
to do that and for his other two actions he goes like and i cast dragon form
well what does that do that turns me into a large dragon hell yeah or a large dragon battle form rather
uh basically you choose the type of common dragon another time for which your gm allows access on
this farm begin the dragon trait you have hands in this battle form they can take manipulative actions
uh so i am going to go with let's see let's see re-raiser
demon fiend not a dragon
fortune is the classic green dragon that breathes like magical breath attacks and stuff yeah let's go
with that let's take that in terms of a theme so i'll do fortune uh drag that over on orange so he'll
turn into a dragon oh my god and so that should i should turn him over drag on dragoon and that'll be
the end of orange turn oh my gosh actually it actually know that there's one thing one thing
no gorgomarker still gets one action gorgomarker's going to uh actually just sidle over to this wall
so he doesn't get shot super easy uh and get in position so with that it is now venus turn
okay so let's see uh range increment on my gun is 60 feet just out of it uh so what's the penalty for
shooting outside of the first range increment minus two minus two okay thank you um yeah i'm going to
i'm going to spend my first action um i'm going to aim specifically at the uh uh front tire of the
approaching um buggy here and i'm going to specifically try to damage the tires to reduce their mobility
uh i'm going to use one action to aim one action to fire
aiming is not an action but i'll i okay you're trying to do do i do i have to uh do i do i have
to i i could have sworn aiming was an action am i am i dumb you're thinking of world of darkness
yeah where it is in action all right well never mind i'm going to shoot it uh with my with my action
my first one that one i'm gonna hit it with a minus two circumstance bonus
all right here we go
please there we go you all right that does whiff um i'll go ahead and spend a hero point on that
oh that's a critical okay all right well 20 sheesh okay
uh now you get to see the cool thing that happens when you shoot the heck out of a construct
hey discord decided it didn't like me and kicked me out oh no it was literally it was as you like
failed the role and i'm like oh you you you fail and then then i saw you like re-roll but there was
like no reaction and i'm like oh i'm in the shadow realm oh no yeah we're all just dead silent to
fuck with you but you're gonna quit on a construct yes uh i will roll damage it's not a lot for my
little baby gun that's six yeah it might hit the engine i'm going for the wheel i'm trying to trying
to get that wheel what edition is this you know see what's the hit table this is weird why did you
roll us why did why is it just a six that's weird yeah did you hit critical instead of damage
oh yeah hit the clear button there we go yeah guns have failed 27 there you go
and they're going to do a fortune save ourselves stunned yeah which they will be stunned oh
you hit the wheel bang all right this is the first time my guns have been really useful um
i i i'm like a living god uh anyway uh and you tear off their their hardness on that one so
nice as you break off the front plating uh allowing this one to be more effectively hurt
all right um and then god this guy's really far away i could try to do the same to him
but i don't know if i'm gonna get lucky twice do you have to reload oh i do have to reload i do
uh so yeah i'll spend my second action to reload um and then i will take my third action
uh i'll hail mary take a shot at this guy i don't think it's gonna happen but it might
who has been chewing on the wires who's been with my rolls i don't trust like this
i don't trust like this you do you remember uh that one amazing patron which uh i have to bring
up their stuff here real quick but um the one patron who graciously followed all of our roles for
rockrime and to see who was the average person who was the most unlucky luckiest it was not vena
it wasn't actually yeah apparently or it has the worst luck out of the entire campaign
i think i i think it is the feast or famine with my roles where it's just like oh that's really good
that's really good or i haven't hit a single thing this entire session yeah shout out to that uh
picture remember sorry i don't have my stuff up to get your name immediately but like we appreciate
we love it when people do that so thank you so much it is very fun i love math all right i guess i'll
roll that yeah i'm popping tires it's not very much
it will not um what the why did tanhazer okay that was weird i i shoot tanhazer in the back
oh wait let me double check and read what stunt does and it uh popped out sorry yeah basically
action basically yeah it's really good yeah it is absolutely uh but alas the other one makes
say but you also managed to um break off the uh the armor on that one so both of those two uh uh
land barges no longer have their front armor plating all right that that worked i'm gonna pass my turn
i'm done all right tanhazer all right so what's really ironic here is that uh vena stunning this guy
actually with what i was going to do with my turn um because i was going to buff orin and
then cast a spell that's stunned yeah i get fucked yeah literally no remorse no fucking remorse
so um oran you still you still want to get buffed yes please all right then oran now that you're a
dragon bring them death unseen and i'm going to cast you can also ride me
that's really cool and also invisibility by well it will protect me for a bit until i start hitting
them well no it's heightened at level four oh yeah yeah that's right yeah they're all now thank you
yes i will hit oran with a level four invisibility turning him invisible for the next 10 minutes and
offensive actions will not fuck with uh things um additionally since i have one action left um i am
gonna go ahead and uh i want to know what exactly this brain burster is doing um i'd like to recall
knowledge um what would you have me recall knowledge with thurston helmet uh cultism all righty then let's go
oh
ah that is a two on the dice i will re-roll that with a hero point okay
that is a two on the dice uh however plus 10 would be it would be plus 10 it is not enough for you to
know what this guy has just done still with the plus 10. confound it all and that is some kind of psychic
effect but you're not sure what exactly maybe it was made after you left perhaps so i will pass my turn
okay
that brings us to the next uh let's see here
oh for context for you thurston just um yeah and then we picked that one of the dragon form i picked
the other one that gives me mental 10 resistance i just wanted okay just make sure because i i knew i was
gonna have to the brain the brains are gonna do something to me and the way that dragon form is kind
of weird i'm like if you're this you get these additional i could i just kept switching forms
i couldn't figure it out so i'm like ah did this one because that's what i wanted anyway i i just want
to say that so i'm not bullshitting you so no sounds good okay it's going to move up to there and
that's going to be that one all right he's driving up oh sorry he's driving up oh i can't hmm
so let's just uh let's take a look there a little look see uh i'm gonna sustain for one action and
bump my ore out another 10 feet okay i can just grab that oh
please let me can i can i grab my word no can i wear a farm no no no i guess not okay uh that being
said uh there's uh there's there's no way to really tell if there's an object there is there just you
know just uh just uh just a little something i can cast a spell out of a range 120 feet whoa
we're not 20 feet uh i i i really there this wall's there i yeah i don't know if this is like
a fully enclosed or it's is it a turret or is it like fully enclosed the turret is accessible it's
just the walls like here and here are are solid walls oh that's fine that's fine i'm i'm looking
over here okay yeah you'd be fine to get to your allies here okay i i mean
more of what i can see
because i would love to dispel magic oh oh okay uh on the brain guy
uh you definitely can't see it from there
because the only one who's had a magic effect that you can tell is the brain
uh what it yeah yeah i wanted to spell orrin actually hear me out just as a bit
what if you don't sustain your aura but instead spend one action to move upward and then do it
see that's what i'm i'm kind of oh wait no i have to move i would have to move downward
though because i have i'm gonna yeah your aura will stay on like you don't have to worry about that
yeah oh yeah no that's what i'm worried about what's the range of it oh it's 120 feet
okay so the only one is the brain who is in the back and he is currently with you like just that
is about 170 feet away yeah you would have to i don't think i don't think there's a way that you
move this turn and cast a spell on it you know it was worth a shot i've i was gonna try i was gonna
try it's okay though yeah i have a second unless you like run all the way up this way and then try
but you'd be open straight through here then i do have a means to help
because this this is there's no like occlusion here correct
like from where uh i always gotta pee on the mat there we go like around here i can see from the
turret down there well okay so i should i should clarify this area here is the tower that is risen
like there is a raised area here that that oren flew up to um this building itself unless you're
going on to like like there is no roof actually so it's just these two turrets here um otherwise
this is ground level like this is just the interior here yeah what i'm saying is if i'm at roof level i can
see past like because there's no wall here correct um here i will you know what i'll do just to make
this a bit easier i thought because i see the walls i see the walls but there was not one between those
two it's like is there i i thought i was being all kind of smart and cool by not having the walls be
locked in just because then it would give you a bit more tacticalness here see that that is fine that
is exactly like they're they're the walls here and i'll just do this one yeah i am gonna see that
works that's fine now we're cooking with marbles now we're cooking with marbles speaking of marbles i'm
gonna you shouldn't cook with marbles all right let's say about well here the edge of the square
i'm gonna just go ahead and drop one of these i'm gonna pop stagnate time whoa that's a 20-foot burst
okay so
were you dropping that i'm gonna drop that right here okay you should be able to place it if you click the
place button in the middle of the desert wall perfect perfect let's put that castle oogly spooky magic
right there okay and i will still sustain the aura because it's all i'm gonna do this turn so i just
need to get that bumped out so to do that top right uh you'll see your uh that bless thing uh left click it
and there you go there you go okay pass the football cool the sand slows a little bit more
that hangs in the air for a little bit longer as this aura this slow zone manifests uh do we need to
uh figure out stagnate time resolve that for the car uh it doesn't happen until a creature starts their
turn oh okay my bad yeah cool uh i presume that it's my turn yes awesome super cool i will spend um
one action to command my construct to move uh allowing me to uh spend one action and therefore it will move
a total of let's see here we will move uh uh 15 feet over here x for a waypoint yeah yeah yes uh and
then we will move 20 over there that is 20 out of um 20 out of 80 which is awesome i love having a fast guy
um uh uh let's see here uh uh uh total 70 75 80 so we will go over here a total of over here
uh and now i have two actions left uh for one action uh snot is going to activate a really
cool ability that is a part of being an inventor um she's gonna um crank up like uh just grab
onto a big lever and just pull it as i activate overdrive overdrive allows me to roll a funny check
for one action and uh i get to see if i get to buff myself
uh except i have a construct so i get to roll and apply it to it instead which is awesome
here we go
okay that's a natural one
that's not so good
uh boom boom boom boom uh so i explode uh oh my god you have a hero point no i don't i have
spent it oh okay i didn't hear that my bad yeah but looks at you can you can i i get down on my knees
i have no no freaking like pride please give me a pity point
have you prepped your complications i sure have uh do you want me to pick up which one
oh yeah the pliers yeah okay okay
okay okay
uh what's the yeah what's the complication you're gonna pick so i have between um gift from above
uh no just pick one and go through it don't tell us your choices oh cool cool cool you just pick one
we don't care in in that case and suddenly explosions and also be sure to say whatever
the patron's preferred name is so i know yeah yeah i am i i am um so and suddenly explosions will be my
pick so we can still thematically make it an explosion um that was submitted by cora and uh
the description is either by stepping on a hidden bomb or from another creature lobbing one at you
i'm gonna make a little bit of a thematic that it's just me exploding
oh it could be like an old mine tanhouser put forever ago
oh that's awesome thanks tanhouser
it's my fault yeah
uh the situation literally blows up in your face the pc takes damage from an alchemical
bomb of the game master's choice basic reflex save
uh okay so i i will attempt a basic reflex saving throw for my level i assume
uh and i rolled a eight for a total 25 presumably failing uh game master would you like to give me a bomb
to explode yeah let me uh let me uh thanks so much cora
the old bombs here you know i i wouldn't i wouldn't ever you know go to a go to a bigger bomb that would
be mean also with the pity point stuff uh it's basically like you re-roll out of your natural one
so you still take that complication so you get to also re-roll your overdrive there yeah um yeah you
know what i'm gonna say and be sure to re-roll out using a hero point yes
yeah
oh no that's not a good tackle yeah yeah yeah yeah you know what i know exactly i'm gonna have it be a
greater glue bomb oh that's awesome thank panhauser for putting this greater glue bomb here wait snot i
believe that once someone put it huh i'm just gonna get the little i'm gonna get the little debuff for
you because you know it's pretty it's pretty cool you don't take any damage no that's awesome
that's not no don't die in the glue trap
no i've applied the glue the glue for those of you wondering the the glue uh the the may the yeah
yeah the greater glue trap applies a minus 15 penalty to movement speed oh no slow goblin
i mean this sloblin okay let's me re-roll this one yeah yeah you can re-roll now now you can this is
this is your fight yes exactly nothing worse can happen here exactly except i roll and i get a natural
critical failure again no i rolled 12 which is a success awesome that allows me to apply the overdrive
benefit to my mech um for anyone who doesn't know what that is i just get up my mech is now cooler it
is sparking and it is cool and uh a big cool thing clicks onto it and we are good and lagaming this next
turn uh it's also covered in glue yeah it's also covered in blue sparkling my last action is to uh
enter crane stance because this goblin knows kung fu yeah what your goblins don't know kung fu
you know i can't say that they do but i think they really should she knows the
ancient martial art of beating someone to death with a rock that is the end of my turn
it's good it's a good turn yeah yeah yeah i i'm sorry to do this so you can tell me to stop
fucking around um i changed the dragon thing to be fire thing because i thought the mentality was
gonna be fucking stupid if you want me to revert back just yell at me i'm sorry i'm sorry for being
difficult as fuck i know it's annoying are you also satanic dragon now i i i did because i was like
it makes no sense for me to do mental damage to a brain because i love the breath of the weapon i'm
like i need to read and i'm just being stupid so i'm this is me going hey sorry i'm a moron if you
need me to revert anything let me know i'm just being i'm just letting you know i just assume until
it's your turn you're just constantly changing dragon forms yeah this is my mental image this is
what this is happening it wasn't prepared i'm just saying i apologize it's rude of me and i'm super
sorry you're fine you're fine no that's that's cool um okay
what that brain thinking what that's gonna do he's gonna shoot mind bullets at us
actually he might do that yeah i know i know the brain is gonna be smart and delay
uh oh yeah he knows what's coming yeah i think the brain should be dumb thurston
it's cool yeah some brains are dumb you know i'm not speaking from personal experience
i am there um it's going to then fire out a fuselade uh which is gonna hit gorgamonger
so i need a reflex save from gorgamonger sure things everything for me to click you want me to roll
it uh just roll it sorry i don't have all the automated stuff set up for some of these ones uh 28.
uh that will pass
uh so gorgamonger will take half of this so gorgamonger takes seven points of piercing damage
as a just like a volley of bullets and such comes uh from this advancing land barge you can hear the
again hooting and hollering the ululating cries as they uh manage to to nick some uh
nick some some blood out of the dragon across the corner there uh that's that one yeah he'll resist
three and take only 11 because of the reinforce i don't like uh this one here the has to make a save so
hulky can you uh just repost that spell for me so i know what the dc is yeah absolutely let me
repost that for you here we go let's drag it into chat
what do you mean i i got you there you go yeah there we go thank you if you just give yourself
uh the spell slot black could just catch that's what i was gonna do next i got you thank you
okay so that'll be a failure so they are slowed one so they will have a grand total of one action uh
which they will use to get out of the area of stagnated time
and that will be there go oren you're up uh right it's like you hear out of nothing i want to go eat
that brain i'm scared i fall off i die how high am i in this tower there's an like initially ah like i
said it's not that tall it's at 15 feet so if you're up top on it it'd be 50 now i was making sure i get the
height correct uh i am going to fly a total because i can go 100 feet of flying i'll do one action to
here as i begin to fly over for one action and for the second action i will go uh all the way
basically behind him okay i'm 15 feet up in the air i have one action left
in which i will spin to basically get behind him because i'm not in range of him technically
um so i will basically land behind him okay so real real real move uh move yourself back a bit
uh i would like i'm gonna put up a little emanation off of this dude right here okay
specifically and apologies for this i don't have a good marker so um basically based on your trajectory
and approach i need you to go let me just pull this up here
just put a radius around him you can make that in the mission uh how big is it it's it's a 40 foot
emanation though that's the oh that's easy so it's yeah you just do that so okay there we go
uh here so put yourself at the border of that
your thing um and then i need you to give me a will save absolutely i'll put myself here
yep all right we'll make his will save which i think he's very good at these
you know i've never never failed a single one in his entire life i rolled a three
i will i will hero what hold up i'll hear a point this yeah you get me one so soon as
i have my personal yeah yeah we're all using the hero point don't fail these 10 on the die for total
uh 40. okay uh so that is is a um success so that just means every square in that emanation you now
treat is difficult trade oh that's fine yeah all right so uh i'll help out with the second action
then uh will be i'll just get right up to here then okay uh for second action then third action
we'll just basically just go down and land you know just get all all the way down there um
actually you know with that i can get there then second action still get there with the hundred
movement and i will i'll just go horizontally down sir i'm flying is weird uh i'll have one action left
and which i will use to basically try and what's the highest damage that's 2d12 3d10
3d10 okay we'll go jaws i would try to bite him go
ah okay i hit with a 14 plus 36 my invisibility stays and i roll a whole bunch of dice uh only 18
points of damage okay uh six of that is fire and six of that is piercing i bite into the brain
oh man okay and uh it will not technically be the end of orange turn i want to have gorgomonger just
basically sidle into the tower itself basically uh should be all protected
all right that is the end of my turn now it's venus
uh well actually no oh now i'm gonna come off delay uh-oh
whoop just uh put this guy back up just gonna put this guy back up here for a second uh since the
brain man delayed um i think the first thing we're gonna do because you are all invisible like which
uh you know what uh he is going to drive away a bit uh let's do this don't leave me don't leave me
my call no actually what am i doing here let's do this
this okay there for you there you go yeah um however knows where you were last so
we'll uh cast a spell
yeah i think i think this is the i think this is the play um
now you know i'm just gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna redo this slightly i'm actually gonna pull him back
to just there uh and then he's going to unleash a pulse a synaptic pulse
um oop i could do that beforehand too but whatever um wait i don't know hey hey one sec
one sec there we go uh wait no that's not the right throw the right spell close that you didn't
see that that'd be silly um he will drop down a synaptic pulse um he's just gonna be only be able to
tag you in it or and so just give me that uh we'll save please good thing as the brain might
uh i got a natural one oh and i i set that here a point earlier which i now mark myself down
dearest of thursons yes may i push heads ask the four pt points all right i will allow it you know what
oh this thing's a stun fuck that i ain't tanking that i hate stuns
uh-huh take the pity i i so take the pity point let me just re-roll it real quick to see
if my my fate is still worse okay i got a 14 to die for that for critical success so won't be messed
up but i still i shall now have to go through the thing
they go through what patrons can do at near to deklar or patreon.com forward slash near to
declaration and you too can submit your own complications and messes up
and really make sure that we want to go forth and expire uh
uh i am going to take this one from baron
uh varlo is known as leggy who says not dead yet although through a horrific
bunch of magic science or comedic string of coincidence your failure has brought an
enemy you thought was was dead back to well not life but a weird undead state they're not powerful
they're not powered up in any way and depending on the death for no real i don't think that was
going to work in this position uh yeah there's no one who's dead here yet um what we're going to do
is then go
here we can do this one heck yeah
sorry we're having to read through some of these because some of the ones i have selected don't
work very well for these the curse of the complication
that one doesn't work here to figure them out okay that's i've i've had a game master
raccoons all through this so i know the pain because we try to we try to ask people to do
these as broad as possible um uh this this one will work on a tuesday tan hauser's shoes must be
wait a second
yeah we'll take this one from ironclad golf uh who snorges declaration a goblin hand comes out of
nowhere and slaps you you feel as if the gods have insulted you it's just not it's not runs over
there slaps once runs back yeah uh you want to do a melee strike against or an arm strike
you uh you won't like this you won't like this yeah sure it's my preferred weapon sec
yeah yeah you know what you know what sir give me a melee give me a melee strike don't do damage just
give me give me give me the the snorke goblin uh attack yeah yeah yeah okay okay
and she goes hi best buddy and she
whiffs uh whiffs yeah invisible to attack her
she just thought that you were next to her uh thurston i am i am acceptable of just having it
auto hit and just do normal damage just to roll the normal damage on me just to get the punishment
oh no no no it's not gonna do any damage to you yeah it's not gonna do any damage to you zorn yeah
it's not gonna do any damage no snot is gonna slap you so hard please don't stun me avoid that
you know what i wouldn't stun you stun you would deprive you of your choices and you're
gonna need them because he slaps you into being visible okay i'm fine with that
there you are i miss you for a bit
i was scared and then she runs back
you yes the the goblin uh across time and space snaps you into corporeality uh but luckily that
happened at the end of the the brain's turn yeah thank goodness that's true that's true
vita you're up all right um so this this little rampart i'm on top of how tall is it
15. uh 15 15 15 okay uh i'm going to
two action i'm gonna bamf out the wings
bamf my my wings of air we so i am flying uh and i will add the 15 feet
uh please let me elevation one 15 so i'm 15 feet up and i'm gonna go
uh toward five oh please oh oh you'll apologize corkermonger disappears
i'm gonna go oh did you fly far away yeah oh yeah that was intended so it's fine yeah
uh huh they they shoot the dragon the dragon disappears yeah the guys on that land barge are like
the runes are haunted there's ghost dragons
seven damage that he mostly absorbed we did it yeah all right and this turn will mostly
be spent repositioning and i'm gonna end it now wow heck yeah tanhauser all right i'm really mad
not because anything bad has happened to me why because i prepared a fourth level of visibility
and now it's gone you know shut up you're a level 11 caster go for it speaker think of it this way
that thing was prepared and if if i just went in there just raw dogging in the air it could have shot
me out of the sky which could have been a lot worse so oh trust me trust me the spells it could have
cast on you if it could have seen you are way worse yeah so you gave me time can i ask a quick question
um these dune buggies would they count as artifacts
but okay okay sorry sorry sorry like like like not like artifacts as in like the mechanical like
definition of artifact which is a bespoke magic item um are we talking like magic the gathering
like their color like what are you looking what are you looking for out of this well i just need to know
if if these dune buggies are um artifacts or similarly powerful
uh no because these like not in terms of game mechanics no that's great news because like an
artifact in in game mechanics would equate to something like the hammer of dwarven lords type
of thing yeah thanks calmer and shit all right so here's here's the play then uh i'm going to begin
by casting time sense ooh would you say it's been an hour since i last cast it
uh give or take sure okay well that's very kind of you doing that together you would know about that
if you had time sense but yeah i would yeah i mean i can't sign sense i'm supposed to know
yes damn it i love like i oh god i love your like hinging all of these plans of this cantrip that i swear to
god everyone would read and be like whoa cool i have a stopwatch guys like i want to know where
this goes please continue please you're not gonna like where it goes so this this guy right here is
the is the only dune buggy that doesn't have a damaged front is that correct correct all righty then
um i'm gonna roll an attack now on it uh i am going to roll um disintegrate
like a pig noise uh so that hits on a 34 uh it's destroyed
it must make a saving throw no if i hit an object or force construct such as a wall of force
it's destroyed with no save unless it's an artifact or similarly powerful it's oh it's a construct not
an object it's yeah it's it's yeah it's not an object well yeah well it's you know it was worth the
shot but you you will still do disintegrate levels of screw you to it yeah disintegrate damage that's
fine let's rock i i enjoy the looney tunes image of these guys going like whoa then their car just
disintegrates so i i have the more important question uh huh yes how does the disintegrate
spell manifest from tanhauser and is it him pulling out a gun and shooting it once
so it's tanhauser pointing his finger and then a horrible green laser just
just just fires out and hits the target and we're gonna see if it does nothing or if it just
illuminates them for three seconds heck yeah illuminate to them see back to the horror seriously
no uh can you uh can you put the spell in there for me i'm not oh yes yes my mistake
it's gonna make uh it's gonna make me a dc 30 fortitude
it will fail oh no excellent 633 oh actually a real idea oh did somebody d8 the ball do a 56 damage
it will take um it's actually gonna take 10 less than that but it take wise
uh hardness is that is hardness it got critted right no no no no no no i mean this is the
this is the only one that has not been crit oh yeah so yeah i was targeting because i was like
technically i can destroy the car instantly yeah but instead you sheer off most of it now the alternate
thing which you would also know is uh in the case of these things once you get through half their health
which this is done close to um once you do half their health then that armor goes away as well
so you've basically broken off the armor in in most sense but not quite just yet yeah it's like a
it's like a like a little finger sized tripod laser just cutting a line through the through
the machine regardless yeah i think you did well thank you good play good job good blast okay okay
well this this is awkward this gentleman's gonna go oh she is sad the wrong why are you in here dude
you were in here two seconds ago how did you get here he wanted to say hi the door was closed
10 10 hazard you're getting shot at give me a reflex save i really can't blame them
uh that is going to be a 29. okay
so you will take half of this
what is this there's some you'll take seven points of piercing damage as a hail of gunfire
comes towards you sorry my thing is always to resolve it then i describe it um so they will
like cannonade you with gunfire and you will manage to kind of duck around the corner of the
the walls that you're at blocking some of the fire and after that the the the land barge begins to
turn around away from you tan hauser making its way kind of closer towards where orrin was um
yeah kind of coming in between and that'll be that one rahua you are up i am up and i also have
nothing i can really do right now because my spells are fairly short range yes
i don't salty i i put my big wooden fingers together
i don't think i should run into the flotilla of armored armed vehicles that are just run and hit
the car dude just run and hit the car just run and hit the car run and hit the car with my 25 feet of
movement yeah just start running yeah start running oh you know what i can actually i can kill
those mans what an idea an idea is formed idea has formed it has crystallized in my head
who is going to betray the party right now grapple a car
would you would you of course the car suplex the car suplex the car suplex the car suplex the car
mmm chieftain uh i would like to so maybe i should sustain actually hold on
i don't i don't actually i never played final fantasy thursday didn't give me this
you what just any of them oh i'm sorry um oh rahua has to go back to his home planet now okay
so uh if we can mute hulky crow ru is not here anymore understandable but they kill them
okay okay okay i'm gonna i'm gonna go right here to the edge of the tower huh
i am going to sustain for one action are you gonna suplex the canister of gas onto it
that would be so cool if i wasn't afraid of dying
you can heal yourself it's fine
many people are saying this
i don't think i can heal the amount of damage that thing could crank out considering it's a city
it's a block leveler who cares well trees traditionally i do what do you mean i don't
want to die come on dude sounds like coward talk i clearly whatever kind of tree who is he's not a
eucalyptus tree you need all you need to channel golgotha yeah speaking of me i mean you're not
golgothan but like it makes sense no you're lucky you're not channeling any spells mister
uh i don't know but i'm gonna move here i'm gonna sustain for one action uh
actually no i'm not gonna sustain i'm gonna use my actions to object interaction drag the gas tank
over to my position with me sedated okay okay you give a gas can
and
i would like to if possible
delay until the car is closer so i can push the gas can onto it with my final action
if it gets closer see so so i'll let you i'll let you like narratively ready the action so if it gets
closer you can like send the gas can to it that's your plan okay that's my plan okay cool it's not a
goblin yep it's me uh hey thurston uh-huh how what would i have to do to remove the sticky
an escape dc check please that is awesome do i perform it or does my mech perform it
uh in the case since it's your mech it would be your mech who has to perform it that is awesome
the dc for the greater the greater glue is 28. that is super cool i roll to escape
i rolled an 11 for a total of 32. yeah so you spend an action ripping off the glue
yes uh or well uh it's one action command it now has actions it then spends one of its actions
to uh rip it out of it rip it off the glue yeah and then i uh it will uh
shmove over here uh as i i select myself and then i will shmove uh let's see here uh 40 feet
uh uh uh i dare even move next to the captain um which makes me dishonorable and i should be put to
the gallows as um it's not drives in at i'm supposed to supposed to be over here stupid foundry um
as she drives after this barge and she screams hey hey come back um and my last action thurston
is to hold my action because i have only spent one action uh this is the cool part of readying yes i am
readying an action my action that i'm readying is to leap and strike this thing with my awesome super
cool mega super attack that i have um yeah yeah i have a mega cool super duper attack uh i i literally
do when this thing is in reach i wish to jump and do my super cool mega attack at it that is my held
action um if you are not allowing that i will hold an action to smack it when it is near me i'll allow
you to to do the cool thing i think that's fair that is awesome uh that is the end of my turn
we're gonna come to this guy okay yeah okay not that good southern car chat chat chat um everyone else go
away chat chat we're talking right okay okay so okay i want to i want to i want to set up the the scene
here now rahua has taken a barrel of gasoline and has it by themselves which they're hoping to
throw out towards this target if this target moves closer right that's that's that's kind of the
so that's the scene that's this where we're at okay okay okay okay so so now now we know that these guys use
guns and have been shooting for a lot of their attacks so far i don't like where this is going
yeah um well i think it's going to go in a very funny direction very quickly
hulky we're friends right yeah we're friends thurston yeah okay okay okay okay okay so
so here's what's gonna happen i'm going to give you the um the benefit of the doubt in that uh them
shooting at you is kind of like them moving closer but not really um so i'm gonna have this thing shoot
you now my understanding zorn is that gurgamunger shouldn't be there right that should be yeah he's gone
i'm you had yeah okay yeah okay there we go um so um rua my friend yeah i'm gonna need you to
make a make a reflex save for me because they are gonna shoot you now now again i'm i'm gonna say
you know what as long as you succeed this you're you're gonna be able to get this barrel out of here
just fine okay
what's that who winked on a 3 33. oh it's pretty good that's pretty good that's pretty good okay so
cut
that's some decent damage i guess you're gonna take half of this you're gonna you're gonna take
eight points of piercing damage is more hails of bullets come come come sprawling
uh with that you you realize that they don't seem to be getting closer like this seems to be kind of
an optimal range for them um so if you would like i will allow you to make a melee attack on them
from where you are um you don't have to move closer and we'll see if you can actually hit them with a
barrel i'll give it a shot yeah right uh what's the worst that could happen oh so true so true bestie
just one unarmed attack target them
let's find out what that's a crap baby
i pick up the barrel i see this i see the lines visions of a time gone by a universe that may or
may not come to pass flashes in my mind i can't make sense of it because it doesn't look anything
else well it makes sense in this world but the only world that i can see is football and i pick up that
gas tank and i rocket this thing towards the car okay roll me 12 d6 damage oh my god absolutely holy
damn 48 okay it will take 48 points of damage as this rolls towards it and then
explodes um there is a like geezer the the vehicle like kind of turns up is tilted away they're still
able to maintain control of it uh actually they take an additional 10 points of damage because they
have a weakness to area effects i'm just gonna say that's an area effect uh and they see this happen
and their next action is to 40 feet the back
um as you cause this massive geezer of flame to burst underneath them and force them to pull back
from your uh your cunning advance the gas lord gas gas gas gas gas gas
bro does a little dance on top of the tower he show votes a little bit
yeah uh okay so
um
i think i'm going to
actually yeah it's no no you know what that's silly that's ignore this uh it is going to shoot
snot it is going to that this this this second land rate of their crew is gonna get their rifles
up and begin peppering you and your robot with shots uh that'll be reflex saves i think from both
of you because yeah you technically expensive yeah if it's an armor yeah absolutely yeah yeah
so give me two reflex saves one for you and one for the big the big robot okay there's my reflex saving
for all seven for a total of 24 is pursue a failure and then uh my big super cool mega robot that is so
cool rolled a 13 for a total of 34 which means that since it looks like me i succeeded on both
oh right it looks like me so i succeed on both right that's logic is that right no no you're not
you don't have the the summoner thing i'm sorry okay i know um so snot is gonna only take 12.
um your machine will take half of that
uh and then this will trigger a hee-hoo-haha that they have oh no uh yeah yeah you have a goblin killer
move kind of why um i don't think it's only going to trigger off this one it's going to trigger a reaction
off of this one and this one which is um any time a creature uh fails a save they get a free stride
so both of them will proceed to stride he's running and they will stride tactically backwards
fine cowards they are cowards um and then for its last action uh because that was a free
thing it will actually just stay there it's happy where it is okay that's that oren you are up
all right let's go half the speed
he's there for one action uh for two actions uh for his other two actions he is going to try
in a bit of the thing i have failed with the four on the die uh and then i shall try to cloth
uh and try to actually when i'm interested i can't i can't trip or uh grapple this thing right
uh you can't trip it no you could try grappling it that's fine but just not tripping it
treat it like a troop so it's kind of like anything you can't you could do to like target one thing is
kind of difficult on it so yeah it's just the rules that i'll i'll just say just for
if you say what should i claw and i miss god i'm wrong terrible today yeah no damn oh that's it all
i can do time for it to blast me in the face
it it it it's gonna blast you in the face uh
for context for the dance my roles i roll a 26 and a 20 of which were like
a two and a four so oh it's good it's not a good spell on you orin i'm gonna cause a spirit on you
yeah uh can you give me that will save please can you strive with the spell that there's
yeah it's casting a spell called spell rack on you which is um you cause any spells cast on the
target to spill out their energy and harmful surges you make a will save if you you know it's and then
depending on how you do uh you become affected by persistent damage as long as you have buffs on
you and um and every time you take persistent damage it lowers the like the duration down by an
extra round nice all right it's real good really specific for me uh will save go i'm good at these i'm
gonna be a failure uh i'm gonna take it i'm gonna tank it okay okay we can't be asking for pretty
points all the time i'm gonna tank it oh my baby boy okay so you now will take i'm gonna prove this
on you uh 2d12 persistent damage each time you take persistent damage it reduces the remaining duration
of spells affecting you by one round only a successful
arcana check uh against your spell uh dc can help the cover or target uh recover this is a curse and
uh ends after one minute except on a failure where it does not end yep
critical failure is 4d12 by the way you know i i thought i thought i was playing orange today not
a fucking victim this sucks and then it's gonna drive up this way oh sorry thurston sorry sorry mike okay
you got it i'm back here i was gonna move here grace's radius away
michael as the brain like locks eyes with you starts crackling and you feel your draconic form
like almost begin to immolate you auren as like psych like psychic backlash overwhelms you and then the
brain like the face of it staring at you like goes into reverse and you can like does it make up like
the group oh yeah yeah and like in fact in fact one of the guys just like like looks at you and it
opens his mouth and the beep goes just as it finishes you as it like pulls back um fena you're up
oh god for once in my life everybody is so fast and i cannot get into melee range stop doing that
i'm sorry i made you fight monster trucks i know that's fucked up in a roundabout way it's kind of my
fault and it's true you can actually blame speaker for a lot of this yeah this is true beside that
tennheiser came from matt maxwell i'm having a good time as much as i'm getting oh i love monster trucks
uh i love monster trucks i'm just obeying these enemies i will point out that thurston is a big
final fantasy fan and almost all final fantasies have at least one nation where cool airships and
cool mechanical things are so exactly this makes uh time secretly a final fantasy uh fandom world
yes you go are are we in god damn it way way way to fucking reveal that the thing the promissories
are crystals salty way to go way to go yeah no i am the weird optional recruitment character so it's
fine you are you are the hero of this campaign um now i'm probably gonna do something that's gonna make
this zone a bad touch zone so if you want to get into melee you might want to get into melee with
one of these fucks just a humble suggestion all right um i i will i will do that then um because
i could shoot at the brain but the thing is unless i'm critting with the gun it's not gonna be doing
much and the brain for reference does not have the same plating like the brain doesn't have hardness so
it's not okay good to like crit fish to break off the plate or anything
good to know uh so yeah i'll go 5 10 15 20 20 45 here
and then
yeah right there like here yeah if i were to tumble from yeah if i were to tumble from here
i think i make it with my movement because i am 15 feet up how tall are these things or well
this gets me to 30 so i would be able to go down yeah you can go down easy triangle it uh so yeah
i'm gonna try to tumble through this car
it's a great idea i think it's a great idea yeah
uh that will
all right i'm fast as hell
uh so that'll put me right there
um and i'll use my final action to hit it with my sword just kind of hit it with that plunging dive
do it up uh the dragoon dive with a sword instead of a cool spear
another crit
something horrible is about to happen to me my captain something really bad is about to happen
that's my captain by the way that was a natural 20 for 77 damage
all right
yeah vino will dive down from overhead and just
bing bing bong i don't know what that means
what does that mean it critically failed and is slowed because of your cold weapon oh yeah my
also it is now off guard because you tumbled yeah i'll dive down from above just stick the sword
through the neck of one of the people hanging off of this car and get ready to get uh uh trampled next
turn all right i'm done this is the coolest shit you've done all campaign in your and your
description of yeah so vena jumps up and goes like bing bing bong and uh yeah
i was i was making the crit sound
you just did she did a cool thing i
bing bing bong i mean everybody oh man okay there's the next slew of uh complications bing bing
bong we're just gonna have like complications did nobody did nobody else hear the crit fail sound am i
going insane i heard it i heard it if you lean heavily into it into the final fantasy bit you
just did omni slash true very true orange orange crit failing so vena can shine
all right here's the play tan hauser sees that these two have been engaging in outrider tactics they've
been attempting to uh retreat backwards but now they've made the foolish assumption of thinking
they're out of range i am going to spend an action to engage in reach spell adding 30 feet to the range
of one of my spells and i am then going to cast corrosive muck which now has a range of 150 feet
which should be more than enough to paint right there i am now going to drop two 10 foot bursts
i will drop one here okay and one here
i can't i actually can't go past this so i i will drop it
here okay
um and uh these these lovely individuals are going to have to make me some saves come their turn
um yeah that is that is the end as tan hauser summons forth industrial waste and pollution this
horrifying disintegrating miasma below their feet prepare yourselves and uh that's his turn
i thought he didn't like their greater difficult terrain i mean tan hauser loves industrial waste and
pollution oh okay he does he's a slime sucker whoa yeah he's a slime boy yeah happy pride i mean
don't get me wrong tanhauser loves the fact that there's smog and an industry and like all that other
stuff in golgotha he just doesn't like the slavery part okay yeah yeah yeah get a shot
uh oh my gosh okay orad give me uh give me give me a reflex save
start getting a riddle with bullets yup i'm already a loser actually no actually yeah do that do that
first do the first it's fine it's fine okay so you're gonna take yeah that's good you'd succeed
so you're gonna take half of this
now give me a will save as they start like letting out their war chant allulating cries
i wrote four on the die for total 24. oh that's fucked up
uh so you're gonna be frightened one no are they screaming eat the dragon
no they're just more like shouting they aren't saying anything in particular they're just like
as they're like firing their their guns at you um and yeah there you go cool
oran's crying no my baby boy no
i put on sea shanty too i'm ready to lock in
that
and the likelihood of him being an actual football prodigy feels compelled to go all
the way to the end zone again uh i'm gonna do myself a solid and oh never mind i actually can't
do that well whatever i'm just gonna move anyway uh i'm gonna descend how many feet up am i
uh if you were on top it'd be 15 up oh but i think you were ground level because you were kind
of like hucking the bear like rolling the barrel and stuff right so i think you're ground okay
okay then in that case i'm gonna use all of my movement
to move this far oh i i can't i lied there we go here is adjacent yes thank you very much sir
see i can get it right there okay
and i'm going to end my turn there
okay you know vena vena did you see that did you see what i just did that was sick as hell
it's so cool let's kill this guy yeah
whoo all right yeah i think i figured out why vena is so strong now
she's sober true i was gonna say because it's pride oh yeah that's true
yeah i guess i
you're the rotation of the rabble sun
uh oof uh
i a difficult terrain inside the thing you have to do a save and so yeah it's your problem uh
uh so let's see here real quick
uh yay super cool uh okay cool uh thurston yeah i am going to command my duder uh to move in a
straight line uh down here uh towards this guy who is about to flee away from us uh as um she sees a
explosion of muck and gunk and industrial waste
explode near the two individuals that she's chasing she goes like
no and uh just drifts her mech uh so that it will intersect with this other guy
um so i will move over here uh with my cool mech uh and then thurston i'm gonna do my cool thing
okay i'm gonna do my cool thing i'm i'm finally gonna get to do my cool thing thurston
uh i will perform the dual dragon kick whoa
hell yeah my god so my mech leaps five feet
and then i get to leap myself here's the cool thing thurston i have picked feet so my leap distance
thurston do you want to know how far it leaps tell me thurston i can leap 20 feet
hell yeah so i am so snot did essentially dismounts yes as this happens and just when her mech stops she
uh like just keeps on flying uh past this big vehicle and drops down on the other side
um it's probably better if it's there uh because my goal was to flank it with my own mech
uh as i i get to hit it i get i get to hit it it's no it's actually no big deal it's literally just that
i get to leap and then strike and combine her damage uh cool i get to strike it wow let let
let's hit it thurston let's hit it uh go here we go so here's the first strike wow
that's a turn okay it's sadly a miss um there are pretty points well actually uh
uh yeah that is that is sadly yeah yeah i don't know broken one so yeah so sadly i don't know if
i can take a pity point i took a pity point last time you can yeah anytime you need to re-roll you can
take it here anytime you just ask thurston for it rot grind easy mode huh can i please have a
pay the point game master you just have to take a complication though you need it you gotta take that
complication though okay cool i love this complication so i'll take it uh from salt seeker
there is uh their awesome complication gift from above in a moment of duress something falls from
above wherever there's a ceiling or not it doesn't matter this thing might not even be from this
dimension why it falls or what it is determined is determined by the game master or player but it
causes a minor negative effect on a member of the party okay can your mech like as it was jumping
fail or just keep going up and it falls on something i thought you were gonna say just keep going up it
just doesn't stop it just keeps going up and then falls back return to my home planet no it's up to the
game master uh who submitted that complication uh i've already said it it's from salt seeker all
right thank you yeah i saw it and i was like that one that one looks awesome all right all right okay
one sec well no first of all it's a glue bomb one two three
three four roll me a d4 to see what what player is gonna get smacked by this please i'll be a three
oh no yay
leave him alone who is three leave him alone that's that's that's zoran sorry it's the three
zoran got run over here you go bestie so um so uh here's what's gonna happen i'm gonna i'm gonna allow
this yeah however however the complication is really supposed to be on on you i can't have it
just like mess up other players that would be wrong yeah i think so i i accept it falling on me i'm go
with the bit oh i yeah yeah yeah what i'm gonna say though is is that i actually think sata goblet is
has to spend an action to basically alert you of what's going on like oran watch out like i have
no action after this then you're gonna eat one of your actions for next round as you haste i'm all for
that oran um and you may continue on and get your reroll uh so that oran will not be smacked directly
by debris and have a bit of a like a freedom from that but that will eat one of your actions
for oh easy i'll take it uh i will reroll with the hair point as
yeah i get a hit in and then my cool mech also gets to do a cool awesome strike against this stupid
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid big car who is some really cool person drew um uh
pretty let's see here pretty fog i i i missed with that one um i will not ask for another hero point
uh uh cool i'll still i'll still get one awesome cool hit in and let's go yeah
i do 19 damage on the funny thing uh as the both of us try to punch it from two different sides and
be like yeah and as we both hit it for the rock uh that is the end of my turn you'll do nine points
of damage to damage to it they trust him okay awesome all right
this guy's gonna move away
it's gonna pull back from rahua you bitch do you have any reaction strikes for who
no okay this is one does it not provoke reactions i actually love the fact that we're fighting
vehicles because it suddenly just reminds me of uh reading about like romans and their heavy infantry
having to fight the parthians every time they'd be like come over here and fight us the parts would be
like no and they'd be running away and doing horse archery and get so mad and
and i'd love to see the party becoming that rula give me a reflex safe okay
her attack for opportunity okay well she doesn't uh her her attack is uh if if they critically miss
her she has the opportune repost right uh i or do you have reactive strike too yeah i have reactive
strike as well i believe oh okay sorry double check for you no no i think you do i think you do yeah yeah
yeah wait do you do i actually that's a good question yeah you have it here you have a type of
opportunity yeah you have a type of opportunity you took it at eighth level okay cool uh yeah i'll just
i'll just hit him normal style he oh yeah okay you took it yeah okay damn oh that's a crit it doesn't move
at all okay yeah why does this keep happening you're welcome and hitting and you're a marshal
bless my curse oh that is true it's bless all right uh no funny finisher damage so oh only 55 points of damage
yeah only 55 as a treat 55 yeah uh we'll have to look at your character sheet because that attack of
opportunity is in a weird place it's in your archetype feats oh and it's not an archetype feat so but why is it
there i have no idea we'll figure it out in the wrong place you probably did ah yeah but but then
you also have like an eighth level class feat so you've you've kind of got like two class feats going
on there so that's oh we will figure it out later but yeah i mean it's cheating uh yeah
well our cheating kills this thing so it's dead as it attempts to get away it does not even get away
it dies as you manage to uh stab the remainder of the crew quite dead before it can execute or turn away
from rahua yeah that's what i fucking thought good job vina yeah
oh you're so good at killing they're gonna have to name a tributal after you
what gonna make a save for this guy in the muck
it's gonna fail one shy of a crit fail but you know uh
julie 86 yeah yeah please please please
yeah that's a lot of ones unfortunately still 20 20 20 in total
cool it will take its damage there uh and then it will
sorry i have to just kind of move up to your spell here uh and then
it will move one two three four
so it'll get out um to there and then it will use its last move just to pull back to there
uh and that's it's go oren you're up let's see if i can do anything
i've tried to come on buddy i believe i fly four five feet to where i should definitely be able to
get up to this guy within the one move because i have a hundred and even with all the half stuff so
i'm not going into the muck because it went just a little bit high um go up over to him please for the
love of god please you get a plus one plus 21 to your jaws attack just just hit something man
let's go ideal that's a lot higher than the damage i 72 points of damage to the brain
change chunk a section out of the brain i go forth for the second attack with the claw
i missed with the claw that's fine well it can't always be good unless unless unless
thurston oh god you you yeah you can do it go ahead go ahead take it i will steal the last
peachy point thanks chad for submitting that yeah in which i will uh we're all using a hero point first
to see what we get but hmm i click the button try again there we go okay i do i do hit now with the
30 with the 36 of the plus there we go 3d 10 plus 6. oh that's not great damage i'll be 16 to it uh now
now to see what the horrors you guys have done which you can submit all your stuff over at
narrative dictionary uh patreon.com forward slash narrative declaration yeah oh oh this looks this is
great oh no this this is called back to yesterday oh ninja charles complication name hostile gm
game master standing or gm standing instead of game master it says our hostile gm is what it says gm
standing for garden gnome comes out of nowhere it is the root cause of the player's critical failure
uh perhaps it is shouting profanities at the player perhaps it nixed something or simply untied their
shoes point is a hostile garden gnome messed things up for the player and is also made of painted clay
i i think narrative wise thurston it could be that gnome that they that were who was sent in time
oh my god oh my god and i i will accept any punishment you have for me for that critical
failure like even even if it sucks with the debuff like i'm go at it man yeah okay okay you die yeah
you you you bite you take a chunk out you oh it's it's such a good moment you're you're feeling
you're feeling you're feeling so good i was one of the naughty brains too right right
i'm gonna be bad for me but then tumbling out from the sky
the gnome and you know what the gnome does what's that he lands on your back okay and normally
this wouldn't be such a thing but somehow this this gnome perhaps it's the coronal energy it's really heavy
he pushes you down uh-huh down into the it it's the it's the it's the it's the it's the muck
i don't know there's no one had doors fucking hammer
well look like this gnome has had a journey you don't know that he's he said that entire
tumble through time bill and ted's like you know amazing adventure and then with all that
force he hits your back and pushes you down into the muck i accept my fate you wanna you wanna you
wanna scroll up and uh you know how do you want better can you just give yourself the spell slot
back and recast it so i can just see in the chat please oh sure yeah well i can just uh i can just go
ahead and uh post it hold on give me a second yeah you can do it real fast uh here we go thank you
uh i'll make that reflex save that's a 10 on the die for dola 29 just because
because we're frightened it's one all but i fail because they frightened you i like
oh oh buddy
welcome to orange the gnome like turns and like looks i don't know how far is it like 125 feet to
the southwest staring at rahua who like as you just hear oren's like draconic cries and the gnome's like
head just like kinks to the side slightly and then he winks out of existence
oh my god
time will return um you want to do the damage spell rack on me yeah i think i got you i think it's
too actually it should be at the end of your turn i think it should did it not or no it did i i manually
did a thing let's see if it does or not um it's the end of my turn it does i did explanatory effect
it didn't apply any effect to me so you need to okay 2d12 yeah okay uh here i got you
uh you will take 13 points of force damage which i will apply and then the duration on your two
spells okay for a year one spell right right yeah uh i'll keep a track of it yeah okay it says eight
rounds i should be at six now yeah cool cool cool cool as it like eats your own spell against you
okay um and you're in the muck excellent uh the brain burster is gonna go
yeah you get in the muck it is in the muck it also has to make the save which is why it was so useful
for tanhauser to repost that uh me well that'll be a success at least so i'll take half damage
ache if you can roll it for me roger roger and it won't take it won't take the persistent either
it's the other thing so not bad though so take off that um it's watching take talk that's why it's
dissolving yeah um
i really just
yeah okay um
it's going to spend its like actions to basically pull back 10 feet which is one action as it spends
all its movement to get through the crater difficult um actually it can move like that
that's the better play okay uh and then when it does that it's for a second action it's going to
cast a spell it is going to create visions of the dead uh and apparitions uh and then cast invoke
spirits on you oran so ragged apparitions the dead rise to suck living um they do uh some damage to
people in area i'm gonna drop this area down by the way one sec uh we're just gonna put that right
there poop it's poopy uh okay so that will fail so before on the dive yeah um so basic will save so
you'll take 2d for void 2d for mental damage
ah my mental damage uh-huh
uh-oh um
and then he can basically sustain it and move them around so that is that uh that's his go
wow i thought that spell was a bit better black last night uh vena you're
okay okay oh buddy it's all right hang in there you got it
i do got it vena as i yell you from across the desert
we just have that kind of connection all right i'm gonna go five to
45 action one second action i'm tumbling through
are you doing the as the samurai thing where you draw your blade and appear on the other side of the
vehicle and kind of have yeah well we'll see how well i roll for the acrobatics check and then um
oh yeah let's go
i i don't in fact do the cool samurai thing i jump forward as if i'm going to and then i face first
hit the front of the car
but the natural one you still gotta take a complication and there are no more
hit points right now uh and am i i've used a hero point haven't i oh yeah uh did i get another one
if you use one i didn't know about it so i have assigned no additional hero points so
okay i'll take yours away then so uh let me get the complications pulled up
i was doing so well i was doing so well
chat did vena use a hero point at all during this session or am i just i'm pretty sure i did
yeah chat you guys are more on top like i'm i got like a billion windows in front of me and if i
don't hear it i i don't notice it so you guys are probably more on the ball regardless keep on
keep on going okay dude yep yep yep yep um okay here's what i haven't used this one from goth moth called
funny to the bone the character hits their funny bone and lets go of whatever they were holding
additionally they have issues using their hands for a short amount of time
excellent okay so you drop your weapon and in order to pick it up you have to make a dc5
uh flat check to do anything interacty or attacky with your weapon
all right yeah vena's riding high she just like omni slash the last vehicle she comes charging at this
one goes into a somersault and just hits the wheel at full force uh and i'm gonna have to spend my
final action to try to pick up my sword i do you pick it up and vena picks up the sword dusts herself off
and goes you know what i'm just giving you that one come at me
oh god you're so cool thank you snot you're my favorite that was intentional
oren hears the whispers on the wind of you're my favorite you're my favorite you're my favorite and
he looks down he's covered in acidic muck a big brains just blasts it up he's just like i don't want to live
anymore man
i love every time i turn the sad hulk you're like actually no jurassic park
actually right now i like it i like it um i look at or and then i look at gorgamonger they do move in
herds me true i hate this i hate this all right well you're gonna hate this even more um good these
guys are out of my range uh i'm just gonna go ahead and uh i'm gonna go ahead and use my magic wand
and i'm going to cast fireball at third level okay which has a range of 500 feet which is a lot of feet
um where are you gonna hit where are you gonna are you gonna right here okay uh okay
i'll uh do the brain you can do it
this brain will succeed it's got a faster smaller car the the back guy
see their car is nowhere near as good you may roll me damage very good
that is going to be 24. okay so you do 24 to the back one then you'll do half to the brain
as the fireball goes out and continues to add to the damage of both of them but they are
they're still up and about
anything else tennheiser
tennheiser anyone
tennheiser oh yeah tennheiser they killed him oh my god can you hear me yes yeah okay we can hear
you now oh my god i've been clicking on the thing hold on let me refresh but okay
can we add another point just back to orem i was found i was just gonna
fuck it up on me sorry just gonna ask if you had any uh anything after the fireball
yes i i absolutely did i've been talking did no one hear me nope no no we did not oh that's epic oh
that's awesome so you fire your fireball then what then i'm going to quickened cast gravity well
okay um why that's right i can cast a spell that is usually two actions for one action with quicken
cast now
am i am i not mistaken can you guys hear me then keep keep going you're fine keep going
okay okay great i cast gravity well
and i'm going to go ahead and put a 130 foot burst and i'm gonna have to close all these tabs
i'm gonna put it right here describe here right there that is not there so the hell for the podcast
those years it's further in the desert pretty much under the brain right by oran and nowhere near uh the
northern car and this range is 120 feet i think that is slightly out of range i was about to say 120 goes to
like here oh you're right if you if you maneuver it up to here
then you'll you'll be more in business probably center point here yeah if i could hit it there
no i still can't get them all right yeah gravity well then maybe i i i can help you out here um
just just to save us time it will not tag any of the enemies at 100 yeah that will it will only
tank yeah i would say it's a hundred oran it's 120 feet 30 foot range would be able to get me but
no oh well i'm not gonna it's a 30 foot burst but it's yeah like your your max point is like to
there in which case instead i'm going to change my action uh i'm just going to drain a bonded item
i'm going to touch to my uh quantum singularity engine and i'm going to regenerate a casting of
disintegrate okay all right and that's my turn yeah okay all right
the the guys on the land barge by vena um snot and uh snot's machine they're going to use the most
effective option available to them they're going to take all of you to they're going to spend three
actions to pummel you um so each of you give me a reflex safe please okay as all of the crew
start like bashing at you with like with the butts of their rifles and other such things get away get
away yeah dang it uh 41 they you you they nothing nothing bad happens to you vena i'm nothing ever
will be bad to you reflex saving yeah it's not a goblin will succeed i i sure hope i will
i get a 33 and your machine boy uh if foundry will reload for me thank you uh i get a total of
drum roll drum roll drum roll drum roll oh 40 okay so snot a goblin is the only one who gets hit by
this and you will take 11 points of damage that is awesome that is their attempt to keep you pushed
back away from them ruhu you're up cool uh who's going to ignore the corpse that is there move up 50 feet
that's measuring 50 feet yep you better not fucking run away from me this time well you didn't run away
from me at all but that last guy did either way uh hi pro me hi i'm rahua nice to meet you
30. that'll do it the damage this oh that's terrible damage holy 30 it's nine damage this is
it does no damage to this thing oh well because the hardness is still up on this one
30. you know i tried my best right through the heart and it's not one of my actions to call out
best buddy watch out and then he gets dunked on either way and the gnome then the gnome breaks his back
you were trying to warn him about the gnome holy yeah exactly and the gnome kills him almost so
she is super afraid that she just got a new best friend and he's about to die
uh so she needs to destroy this entire car in less than six seconds um so in true fashion uh i will
now have two actions left i spend one action to command uh and one action to strike uh i will strike as
normal uh on this funny car um as i do this little hee hee hoo hoo i smack it i roll a 13 uh which is a hit
i smack the car
it takes 14 damage uh and uh then my uh so uh thurston yep uh
i'm gonna make a five foot emanation okay uh pop out from my mech as my mech uh clicks back one of
its arms and then you can see snot do like the same motion and then she just pulls out what looks like
a big ignition cord like just a trigger like an explosion trigger and then this mech will punch
this car
i need you to make a dc uh 30 reflex saving throw as i activate explode
oh no
please make a reflex saving throw
it fails nice here's 11 d6 worth of damage
destiny takes 44 damage as this does a explosive uppercut with a stick of dynamite
uh yeah it it it's armor now cracks off with that as well uh it is unarmored
uh blow off the front the front plates of it and like the crew is now panicking yeah the snot is laughing
like a maniac uh and now i'm gonna do the most scare the scariest check that all inventors have to do
the flat dc 15 check uh oh
uh oh i fail i can no longer perform super cool abilities
that that is the end of my turn as i have now successfully performed a sure you can
in rock group grind and rock goons hell yeah that's what it's all about it's power it's a powerful
point it's a powerful point okay
how's it going over there this guy this this guy in the far back but behind the the brain
burster who is like wounded and heavily mauled uh retreats
he drives out of there he drives to the east away from the group uh at full tilt
or in europe i want to eat this brain it is the first ass i have a mod that
delete stuff in the chat once it gets too long to save for performance
uh so i can't scroll up again so tan hauser could you could you roll that good did the stuff real
quick for me i i i will say technically it's like the start of your turn so i think we already
did it like you don't get double dipped on okay um yes so orton all right we'll spend his time then
to get out of dodge then um look at this thing and then jaws attack no i'm sorry i've been wanting
to do this the entire time because it's not gonna let me do it i i know i just rolled i'm a piece of
shit i wanted the breath attack i'm sorry will you allow me or you want me to take that loss
i will allow it okay i'm sorry i'm a piece of shit um no no because i was thinking about the entire
time i'm just gonna breath attack this thing and kill it uh i did it wrong it's it's a scum thing to
do and i apologize but stop saying that you're a piece of shit just breathe fire dude all right
so uh it needs to make me a dc 29 reflex save
darn it it makes a 35. it will pass it does a crit so it does 10 d6 fire as orton goes
just to burn this brain uh he'll take 15.
and still there okay well actually now roll 2d12 actually i'll just roll it that's right yeah
the hawk of course you're all high damage it's a 21.
um on its turn the first thing it's gonna do is it's going to sustain its spirits
uh which let's see here it's just gonna move its spirits back to haunt you again
no just repost it in chat so you have it um so if you can uh give me that give me that save again
sure thing that's a 13 to die for a 33 i sexy okay okay um
so i want to take half of this yeah it's good it's good it's good it's good it's good
um and then for its
next action it will
cast a noise burst so it's just gonna tag you in the noise burst
uh give me the fortune save please no as it's like like ghosts are haunting you the grounds melting
you you're like racked by spell energy uh and then it like blows up the air around you i'm gonna take
four actions though uh it literally just sustained the spell from last turn to move the ghosts okay
that i just reposted the spell yeah i'm done so i'm double turn uh yeah i fail the other one with a 30.
okay so on a failure you will be deafened for one round so there's that uh and you will take
full of this you will take 25 sonic damage
and that's the brain's turn vena you are up
all right let's do it who it let's do it let's do it i'm gonna i'm gonna attempt to tumble through
once more hey you'll never see this coming
i can do it that's not very good but it just succeeds you're so good at it who cares i'm so good
fighting and killing them i'm um i'm smooth with it and i'm gonna be uh flanking with rahua
mm-hmm uh and i'm going to attack with my sword
do it do it do it uh and i whiff uh but that is just going to be the finisher damage
yeah let me check something you're actually going to hit it you are gonna hit it um you because i
just it doesn't decrease the armor correctly because it's not stat up but when you when you
damaged it last round uh when or when it was damaged last round it's armor it's ac oh it's ac reduced
oh okay so just regular damage did you know that things are less stable when you blow up dynamite on it
it's true i've never heard of that before whoa uh 29 points of damage okay he's not looking good so
all right all right stab last action uh map minus five i'm gonna attempt to
stab him okay okay regular stab uh i should not have panache anymore there we go
and then regular damage oh it's still applying my full i'll just roll from there there we go
16 points of damage it's pretty good it's pretty good it's looking not great all right yeah like
most of the crew are dead now yeah venus slides underneath the tires and then pops back
up and just skewers a couple of them through the back seat uh and uh it's gonna be my go
all right brings us to tanhauser okay tanhauser tanhauser tanhauser all over the place
i i actually am uh this might be slightly overkill but i this grain has caused too much damage to my
friend oran i think or like wipes blood off his jaw i could take him i could take him here's here's
what i'm going to do right i want to use brain don't kill still does the dragon just turn back to
tennis don't you dare kill steal for me if i killed the brain would you consider that kill stealing i
will go elsewhere i'm just trying to i got this all right in that case tanhauser is going to jump
from his building perch and i cannot move tanhauser for some reason might be because you're on a wall
i can move him like that
all right and now i need to check the range here 90 feet it's not ideal but i think was it 90 feet or 95
feet it's around 90 feet i'd say um all right
i still got nothing um i mean i've got some stuff but i'm i'm uh my my big things at long range
are like huge aoe's um so what i think i'm gonna do is i'm going to
oh hold on yeah this is what i'll do this is what i'll do holding holding holding hold my
cane because i moved i'm so sorry i keep i keep fucking saying i'm about to do something and i don't
hold hands holding hands so true waiting for your thing um surely he will do something cool surely
um no i don't have the range actually to do anything cool besides uh disintegrate but then
i'm like kind of using a six level spell on the guy that's almost dead come on dude you have to use
force barrage i don't have that prepared today what kind of wizard are you you don't got enlarged
you got no fucking force barrage your spells are whack your scrolls bet you ain't even got fly
billy's whack can i undo that move action yeah sorry sorry sorry sorry i'm a little i'm like
i'm actually trying to apply like i'm trying to find the sad condition and just apply it to your
character after that verbal beating don't worry i'm not gonna be sad for very long
i'm gonna teach you a lesson
your friendship gone if i if i did a jump could i get five more feet of movement
you would just walk you know what you know what just to spite zur and i'll give you that extra five feet so
you thank you so much why spite me i'm already getting roughed up here man don't worry don't worry
orrin i'll save you how mr tannhauser the person i trust disintegrate on the big break
god please please you i knew it no i fucking knew it
i want you to rebel in this you piece of
that's a natural one hey chat has tails ever used a hero point during the entire session
i need you i need you to confirm i did i used it on a uh all right i miscounted you then you don't
have a hero point supper you use it on the recall knowledge on the um yeah yeah i did yeah what what's
the closest attack target to the brain
yeah can i hit orange well wait wait wait you did roll a natural one so regardless this complicates
yeah you gotta complicate that's true okay uh let's see what is my complication um i've got one here
from the cobra operative oh there's a glimpse of reality a nearby reality engine gives off a pulse
of reality warping power offering the player a brief glimpse into an alternate reality players
unable to tell if they're in the current timeline anymore remembering noticeable but ultimately minor
differences between reality examples being different fashion choices different hair colors and the
like everything else that has happened is exactly the same
oh my god yeah okay all right all right all right all right you're in the reality where everybody
in the party treats tanhauser with love and respect
i like this reality we saw we said measurable like it shouldn't matter please mr tanhauser could you
please finish this brain monster i'll never be able to feed monsters as cool as you
i will lauren i will that was big d oh my god i will lauren i will
in front of me oh are you pleased my god tanhauser you have to defeat this monster
you're not mr tanhauser that you know back of that back of the depth connection we wouldn't tolerate this
this being a take your attack of opportunity on this thing um okay cutting in half right now
i'm gonna hit him i'm gonna hit him normal style i miss it it it it's running away that would it hit
if it's off guard uh no sure or if it's armor's down 27 last time i rolled up five oh sorry sorry the
the armor sorry yes yes that will hit it sorry the arm thing yeah all right roll damage regular damage
that's not very good that's a 14. ha it lives and it's like gas buttering
come on it's not it's it's not gonna make um i really hope he doesn't i'm not gonna sugarcoat it
it's not gonna make it yeah oh
why the fuck didn't i use gravity well oh why didn't you
please tell me we're always not like we're who and snot just like take a smoke break and
we cut to oren to see if oren can actually hit this frame and end this cop delay till after orange turn
yeah sure yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna do that i'm gonna hold my action i'm gonna delay all right
all right all right if oren fucks up and doesn't hit it i'm gonna cast loose time zero
all right oren don't fuck this up it's my triggering action no pressure all right
all right all right i'm gonna jaws attack it and it better hit
all right
god damn
i got two more actions
we're targeting you got two more actions yeah you i believe you i got two more yeah okay i got a claw
attack i hit with the claw okay okay hit it with the claws the clock gonna be enough plus six
do 32 points of damage the claws enough
vendication let's go
into this thing claiming it's all of this work
and i'm pretty sure at the end of it when he's walking back
he's he's no longer a dragon he's just himself and he's fucking
miserable
does he have a big round tummy and goes i'm so full no no
it is nothing but sadness and depression and just anger
that's that's rock right for today everybody
all right lightning around where they can find you oh no
uh you can find me on blue sky you can find me in the discord okay
find me on blue sky twitch discord and uh shitty twitter whatever just find me there i love you all
speaker
salty yeah the trash website and blue sky salty job also support narrative declaration
hi i'm sorry i'm your husband this evening it's on the wizard.com thurston
i'm gonna call gm all the things you can find me at i'm called gm yay
i love you all very much we're fucking tired we're gonna go to bed now
we'll see you all next time
can't wait to loot those cars and make a bigger
are bigger car