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Step into the dark side of public speaking with “The Public Speaking Horror Show,” where we expose the chilling fears and epic stage fails of speakers who’ve lived to tell the tale. Join us as we dig into their nightmares and discover the killer tips that turned their terror into triumph.
Laura Reid: [00:00:02] Welcome to The Public Speaking Horror Show, the podcast where speakers share their worst onstage nightmares and how they lived to tell the tale. Because let's face it, if you're not bombing once in a while, you're probably not saying anything worth hearing. I'm your host, Laura Reid, and today's guest is a total badass with brains, heart, and maybe even a little Holy Ghost. Today's guest isn't just business savvy, she's got soul, strategy and serious street cred in everything from neuroscience to forensic investigation. That's right. Think CSI meets spiritual badassery. She's also a bestselling author, a sought-after business consultant and spiritual practitioner who helps people build businesses rooted in self-love and soul alignment. She's lived through chronic illness, navigated high stakes boardrooms, and now leads with humor, heart and straight-up divine downloads. Honestly, she's like, if Brené Brown and Sherlock Holmes had a love child. With a PhD in badassery, please welcome Arliss Dudley-Cash to the horror show.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:01:22] Thank you. It's such an honor to be here. I am so thrilled. Thank you.
Laura Reid: [00:01:28] I am delighted to have you on. As we were just discussing before I hit record, I knew as soon as I began this podcast that Arliss would be a guest. Like, absolutely. It's just like a no-brainer. She's so filled with wisdom and insights and authenticity, and her story is incredibly empowering. But before we get to all that, you know what's coming. It's the killer 13. Arliss, these are 13 rapid-fire questions, and I did not give these to her in advance, just so everybody knows. Are you ready for your killer 13 questions?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:02:06] I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
Laura Reid: [00:02:08] You are? That's right. All right, number one. What's scarier? Zombies or vampires?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:02:17] Zombies for sure. I definitely remember spending nights in the coroner's office because I didn't have time to go home in-between shifts and being afraid of dead people coming back to life is a real thing. I would totally rather have vampires as my best friends instead.
Laura Reid: [00:02:36] Yeah. I mean, vampires are sexy, and just, like, they're kind of cool, and they like. I love, like, I've got such a thing for vampires, honestly. But, yeah, zombies. Quite terrifying. And I can't imagine, I want to hear more about your stories of late night working in the morgue. So what's one surprising fact about our brains that most people don't know.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:02:59] They are beautifully colorful. So if you were to dissect a fresh human brain... arrr... I'm not a zombie, people, I promise. But if you were to dissect a fresh human brain, there's bright pinks and just gorgeous colors inside the brain that we don't really think about. And, yeah, I think it's really amazing. I mean, that's structurally what would be interesting. But I think another fact is that we have a lot more control over what goes on in our brain than we think we do.
Laura Reid: [00:03:33] That is amazing. I did not know that. I always thought brains were beige. Like, they're just like basic kind of beige color. And I didn't realize they're actually colorful. And that's really cool to know. That's so beautiful. All right. Number three, you're on a deserted island. What's your one item?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:03:52] Gosh, that's a really great question. I would choose probably a huge plastic tarp because I could use it to distill water. I could use it to make shelter. I could use it to make clothes. I could use it to make a sail or, you know, a flag of some kind to get somebody's, you know, attention. So a big, big tarp.
Laura Reid: [00:04:22] That, I think that is the smartest answer I probably ever heard. I mean, most people say like a book or something, and that's not going to help you with survival. I, my favorite show is Alone and yeah, the tarp. I mean, I see what a tarp can do. That is just like a game changer, right? So I love that so much. All right. Number four. Neuroscience or prayer? What saves you faster in a high-stress moment?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:04:47] Prayer.
Laura Reid: [00:04:49] Prayer.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:04:50] Yeah. Easy. Easy answer. I can give myself all the logic I want, but that doesn't necessarily reduce stress. And I think that a lot of people find that. We want to tell people, oh, but this is what's actually happening. You're fine. And our brains are like, we're not fine. We're not fine. But when I tap into prayer, I know that I'm one with something greater and that I'm being held in that divine energy. And I no longer feel alone. And I think that when we no longer feel alone, things get less stressful.
Laura Reid: [00:05:28] I love that. That's beautiful. All right. What's a song that always hypes you up before speaking?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:05:35] Amazing Things by Michael Gott. Oh, I invite everybody to listen to it. It's probably a song you've never heard of, but basically it says you will do amazing things.
Laura Reid: [00:05:49] Oh, I'm gonna listen to that immediately. That sounds awesome. Okay. Number six. Yes. What's your spiritual guilty pleasure? Like an astrology app, tarot deck or saging your Wi-Fi router.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:06:04] Yeah. Crystals. I like, I have a crystal for everything. I don't believe that crystals intrinsically do something by themselves. I believe that it, they are like totems of the energy that I want to experience in my life. But I have crystals in every room and every shape and size, from three foot tall down to tiny, tiny things. And I love crystals.
Laura Reid: [00:06:30] That is so cool. So in my little town, Honokaa, have you been to see, like the giant, it's like the world's largest crystal is I think here at that little crystal shop. Yeah, they have to haul it outside on a cart or something to see it, but it's so cool, I love it. All right. What's a pet peeve that you have when you hear other speakers?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:06:54] When they tell on themselves. When they're like, oh, I didn't have enough time to practice. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not going to give such a great talk. Oh, I just messed up what I just said. Let me say it again. Oh, I just, blah blah blah. I'm like, shhh, nobody knows. Nobody knows, nobody cares. You're doing great.
Laura Reid: [00:07:13] Yeah, right. I know that gets me every time too. And it's like they're trying to kind of lower the bar, maybe. But... And I kind of get that. But it doesn't get that energy up. Right. And like instill like the confidence that I know they want. And yeah, no one would even notice or care. And yeah, right off the bat that's just yeah, it's a really good one. What's, speaking of that, like what's the worst advice that you've ever heard when it comes to speaking in front of people and presenting?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:07:49] You know it in your heart, go up and wing it.
Laura Reid: [00:07:52] Yeah.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:07:53] We do not know it in our hearts, speakers. I love you, I love me. I think there is a comfort that can come after years and years of practice, where you feel like you've done it enough that you could speak on a topic without much notes or things like that. But it's after years and years of practice. If you're just starting out or you have a big event coming up, even if you've done it for years. Practice, practice, practice, practice more than you think. You need to practice in all different kinds of ways. Don't get up and wing it because we're long-winded and it's hard for us to get to the point or we can't think of anything to say.
Laura Reid: [00:08:36] Yeah, I love that. It's so counterintuitive as, like people who come from self-love and coaching, but basically it's like, don't trust yourself. Like, don't believe 100% in yourself, right? Because, yeah, you've got to do the work first and then the trust comes, right? You put in the work, you put in the time. And you're right, if you're giving the same kind of keynote over and over, eventually there gets to a point where you, you got certain parts of it down and you can trust yourself then, but that's because you put in all those years of blood, sweat and tears into it, right? So no good speakers get out there and wing it. They just never do. They just, it does not happen. I love that advice. That's so good. What's a mantra that always resonates with you?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:09:21] You are enough. You are enough. We are all enough. What we have within us is enough. We have enough to give. And what we give is enough. I think that so many, myself included, I've spent so much time trying to be more or different or better in some way. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to better ourselves or get better at a craft like speaking. And I'm much better at it now that I embrace who I am and I'm okay with who I am than when I was trying to be something other than who I was.
Laura Reid: [00:09:57] That's so powerful. Thank you. You just published your memoir. What's the title? A working title.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:10:07] Normicles. Everyday Miracles.
Laura Reid: [00:10:10] Oh, I love it. Yeah, I can't wait to read it.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:10:15] Me too.
Laura Reid: [00:10:19] What's more dangerous? A toxic person or a toxic belief?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:10:26] I think a toxic belief because it brings in more toxicity. When we have beliefs that lead to us abusing ourselves in some way, then we normalize abuse from others. If we have beliefs where we don't take care of ourselves, then we don't allow for or expect others to care for us either. So I think toxic people are a lot easier to identify and let go of than toxic beliefs and toxic beliefs are much more insidious.
Laura Reid: [00:11:02] Yeah, I love that because it's also kind of like, don't blame the person, blame the beliefs or the experiences and values and beliefs that led that person to be toxic, right? Because they weren't born a toxic baby.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:11:16] No.
Laura Reid: [00:11:17] Yeah. So... No such thing. All right. Almost there. Number 12. What's your, or do you have a go-to ritual before stepping on a stage virtually or in person? And if so, what is your ritual?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:11:32] I take a deep breath. I make sure that I've eaten food and drank water. Not having enough food in our system, being dehydrated, can feel a lot like a panic attack, but it's actually not. It's just our body like, oh my gosh, I don't have enough sugar. So I eat food, I drink water. Look over my notes. Take a deep breath. And I express gratitude. And every time I get the opportunity to speak about almost anything, I am just so grateful for the opportunity. It's, it's such a gift. It's such... And this is something that I think speakers lose track of after we've done it for a while is this is rare air. I mean, it's like being on Mount Everest or, you know, going on a safari or deep diving the Barrier Reef, getting on any stage in front of other people is rare air. It's something that not many people do, and it's worthy of having gratitude for, whether it's in front of five people or 500 people.
Laura Reid: [00:12:34] I love that so much. I love that the expression of rare air, that's beautiful. I've heard that before. And also just the practicality, like taking care of yourself physically too. I think sometimes we can get so in our own mental game, kind of building up our self-esteem, confidence, rehearsing, you know, making sure we have it all down, that we forget to just take care, drink water, eat a banana like, you know.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:13:01] Go to the bathroom.
Laura Reid: [00:13:03] Yeah, go to the bathroom. Right. Are your shoes comfortable? Like, make sure, like, all the kind of practical things. I've had, my old, my old thing that used to come up as just a physical manifestation of nerves was a super dry mouth. And I realized, like, if I drank any alcohol whatsoever or didn't, just didn't have enough good water, like, if I drank the night before or something, would add to it. And just knowing that, like being aware helps me so much. Like make sure I'm drinking some tea and some honey, getting my voice like ready and just keeping everything so it doesn't just dry out while I'm speaking. It was so embarrassing when that would happen. So yeah, really good advice. Thank you. Last one. I always keep this one a little lighter and easier, since you've already made it through a lot of these. So. Arliss, what do you believe happens when we die?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:13:57] I believe that our energy is conserved. Nice light, easy question, by the way, I love this. I believe, I believe that our energy is conserved in what most people call our soul, and that our soul goes on to live again in some way, whether that is here on earth or in a different universe, or as a celestial being or what that looks like, I don't know. But I do believe that our soul's individuality is conserved and that we go on.
Laura Reid: [00:14:36] Oh, I love that. Beautiful. Congratulations. You made it through the killer 13.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:14:41] Woo!
Laura Reid: [00:14:42] Yeah, but that was the easy part actually. Now we go a little deeper. So I mentioned in your bio that you had a chronic illness, but actually that's not really true. I mean, it was much more, much more serious than that. Can you give us a little bit of your backstory and what led you to really be where you are today and to own your story the way that you do so beautifully and in so many ways that you communicate it. But give us a little history of that.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:15:13] Thank you.
Laura Reid: [00:15:14] You're welcome.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:15:15] I grew up as a chronic over-doer, and I always felt othered growing up, I always felt like I was different than everybody else around me. And I was bullied very heavily from the age of maybe eight until high school. I had my first major health challenge when I was ten years old, and so, and I didn't know at the time that I, what was going on. But I continued to have health challenges throughout my life that got significantly worse. So I knew my health was a factor and I did not take care of myself. I did not take very good care of myself. And I overdid. And when I say I overdid, in undergraduate, I graduated with twice as many units as you need for an undergraduate degree, because I was taking like 34 units a semester.
Laura Reid: [00:16:08] Wow.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:16:09] So really, really pushed myself really hard. And it caught up to me. And I was in graduate school at the University of Iowa studying neuroscience after leaving forensics because my bright, shiny personality wasn't a great fit for death investigation. And I was working 90 hours a week in a lab and my health totally crashed. I got what everyone thought was tonsillitis, which was tonsillitis, and I had a tonsillectomy and five days after the tonsillectomy, my throat opened back up and I was hemorrhaging and I had to go back in and have emergency surgery, and my health significantly declined at that point. Like I could barely walk. I was on, like, clear liquids for almost a month. And when I finally did start to eat food again and all this stuff, my health just wasn't recovering. And I finally went and saw a doctor who said, I think you have a Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. At the time, he wasn't a specialist, but he was, I was so glad that he had any knowledge of what was going on at all. He said, you know, this is a really rare condition and you're really, really sick. And I would be surprised if you live more than a year and you need to leave school and go live with your parents or family. And I don't, you know, I think you're going to be really sick for the rest of whatever life you have left.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:17:36] And so I moved to Hawaii at the time. I ended up getting a referral to a specialist who happened to be in that town that I was living in before for my graduate degree, one of only three in the country in EDS. And I went and saw that specialist and she said, you know, I think you can actually heal from this, but it's going to take you some time to do that. And I don't, and I don't know what healed will look like for you. And I worked really hard in a lot of different ways to take care of myself. I had a few major surgeries and changed every aspect of my life. And it's been 12 years now since I was originally diagnosed, and I'm the healthiest I've ever been. And I, and I'm continually learning what it looks like to take care of myself in a deeper and deeper way, and how non-negotiable I have to make that in order to have health and experience that in a real way. And why do I share this story and why do I talk about it? Because one, I was so ashamed of being been sick throughout my most of my life, that I didn't talk about it very much. And it also meant I didn't get help. I didn't get support with it.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:18:52] And number two, I think a lot of people with conditions like EDS, they think that when they're in the worst health that they are experiencing, that that's how it's going to be for forever. And it doesn't have to be true. There, it might be true, but it doesn't have to be true. There is healing, whether it's actual physical healing in the body, healing better, or it's mental healing and just coming to peace with what's going on. Both of those are possible, and I want to give hope to people that have chronic illness, that it's not something to be ashamed of. That being a spoonie, as I like to call myself, is okay and beautiful in a lot of different ways. And we still have gifts to give to this world. And even if it doesn't look the same way as it looks like to other people. As a speaker, my speaking looks different. You know, I would love to travel and speak to crowds of thousands of people, but that's not really supported by the level of health I want to experience. So I don't travel that much. I do most of my speaking online or close to home. And I try not to speak for more than an hour or two at a time as a way to take care of myself. And that's really lovely.
Laura Reid: [00:20:15] Wow. It's such a powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing it. And I'm so happy that you're alive and that you defied the odds. 12 years and counting. And I can't imagine, like, being told, you know, you have a year to live. And then, like, what went through your mind, if you don't mind sharing, during that time when maybe you didn't see the hope that was eventually, you know, you eventually found and you found another way, you know, to begin to heal yourself. But what, like in that moment, like, what are your first thoughts, like, running through your mind?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:20:57] I was so fucking angry.
Laura Reid: [00:21:01] Oh, wow.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:21:02] I was so angry that I had worked so hard. Well, now I know that I worked so hard that it actually contributed to my negative health. But at that moment, I worked so hard and it was all going to be taken away. I was so angry. I was so angry at the health care system. I was so angry at my previous doctors for not figuring it out. I was angry that I couldn't figure it out. I was just, and I raged. I raged at everyone around me. I'm like, I live with my parents now. We all cohabitate. We love each other very much. I'm so glad they still speak to me. I mean, I, I'm so glad that the person that I was dating then, we're still friends. I'm so glad that I still have my friends. I was just so angry.
Laura Reid: [00:21:58] Anger makes sense to me that that would be like your first reaction, and that would stay with you for a while, especially as someone like you is like, just achieved so, worked so hard, achieved so much, see so much of a future ahead that you're working towards, and to have that suddenly kind of taken from you out of the blue. And of course, you know, struggling with healthcare system, all of that. What changed? Like, what was the catalyst that eventually diffused your anger and led you to such a state? You're one of the most just, like, soulful, you know, people that just exudes like that self-love and models that for people and just how to live a more spiritually grounded life. So what? Like what is it, a catalyst that defused that anger and transformed it to love?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:22:46] Yeah. I also want to add in, I was very angry at my body too. I didn't say that, but I was very angry at my body. I'm going to say something that people are probably really not going to like to hear, because when I say it to people, they don't like to hear it. And when I was told it, I did not like hearing it either, which is there was a huge payoff to me staying in that situation, and I had to be willing to let go of that payoff. Now, what do I mean by that? Being angry allowed me to justify treating myself and others really shitty and getting away with it. Being sick allowed me to justify treating myself and other people really shitty and getting away with it. Being sick, the payoff was that I knew I would get care. And I knew I would get help and I knew I wouldn't be alone. And in order to be in a healthier place, and I'm saying this harshly for a reason. Because it's, I want to be real. I don't want to sugarcoat this. But getting to a healthier place and being willing to let go of that anger and also being willing to be okay with being healthy again, which is not something that is really talked about at all.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:24:08] I had to let go of those payoffs. I had to get to a place where I was willing to have self-regulation and self-awareness of how I was treating myself and others, and have empathy for other people and compassion for other people and myself. I had to get to a place where I could trust that the people around me would love and care for me, whether I was healthy or sick, and be okay with shedding that feeling of needing to be sick in order to get help. Realizing that even when I was healthy, I could get help from others or get comfort from others or whatever. That doesn't mean that I have perfect health now, or that I don't get angry now, or that I don't have instances of going back into old patterns like all of us humans do. But I do talk to myself a lot about when I am seeing a negative pattern in my life. Like, what's the payoff for that negative pattern? What am I getting because of the negative pattern? And am I willing to let it go in order to step into something different? And it's not an easy conversation to have, and I think it's a worthwhile conversation for all of us to have.
Laura Reid: [00:25:29] Wow. I mean, that hit me so, like, rough. Like, I, I get that people's reaction to you sharing that might, because it like something just in me, I was like, because it's so true. It is so true. And I think we often don't think about the payoff of negative behavior patterns that we're in or, you know, or how we treat ourselves like that there's a payoff to it. And you're so right. I hadn't thought about it in terms of just being an angry person. But I always say, like when someone's, you know, a real asshole about something, I'm always like, well, they have to, they have to be an asshole, you know? It's like they, like that's their, you know, they have to live like being in that all that anger. Right? So that's enough punishment for them, right? I don't need to be confrontational to that person. But really, like they're getting a payoff for that behavior too. They get to kind of isolate themselves in a certain way. Right? Justify things in a certain way. Maybe they don't want, you know, they just don't want to welcome in, although there's a certain fear.
Laura Reid: [00:26:31] So it's almost like an armor, you know, that's a payoff to that. It's so interesting. I could yeah, it's so interesting. And it also got me thinking, just relating it to speaking, that there's a payoff to staying silent or deciding you're just too scared of public speaking to speak. And I know when we first met and you knew that there was a story inside you that you had to tell and it was going to help others, and there was a sense of urgency suddenly in you getting it out there. But there was a lot, you had a lot of fear and some nerves around it. But you were willing then to kind of break through that. But can you tell us more about was there kind of a payoff before to kind of staying silent and everything's fine and, you know, the work you're doing was fine. And then what, like how you kind of got through that to be where you are today and your level of speaking, which is phenomenal.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:27:27] Thank you. Of course, there's a payoff to playing small. There's less responsibility. There's less, there's less work, there's less visibility, there's less vulnerability, there's less self-compassion that is needed. There's less effort that is needed. There's, I mean, I could probably sit here for the next hour and list payoffs to playing it small. One of the huge benefits of going through the health challenges that I've gone through is that I've gotten to the place, for the most part, where I don't allow fear to dictate my choices. And I know that I'm going to be scared of some things, and that's okay. So I was terrified to speak the first time, and I kind of went kicking and screaming and running at the same time, like, I'm going to do this and I really don't want to do this, and this is going to be the only time I do this. And then of course, I did it, and I was, I felt like this is who I am. Of course I'm doing this. I still get scared. I still get nervous. I teach at the University of Hawaii at Hilo, I give workshops probably 4 or 5 times a month, either virtually or in person. I teach other classes through Center for Spiritual Living, and I will say at least a third of the time before I walk into speaking, I am pretty freaking nervous. The other third of the time, I'm kind of nervous, and the last third of the time I'm a little bit nervous. Now, I know Laura loves to say that's excitement and I am freaking excited. And you guys, what? I'm scared pantsless too. And that's okay, because it's okay to be afraid of something and still do it anyway. It's okay to get nervous. It's okay to fear screwing it up and to try anyway. And I would rather keep trying than to not do it. And I've literally had a panic attack in the middle of giving a talk before and I, and had to like, turn off. And I'll tell you guys this story. Do you want to know the story?
Laura Reid: [00:29:45] I do, of course.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:29:47] Okay. So I was giving a workshop on I think it was like emotional intelligence, or maybe it was like personality types and communication. One of those two.
Laura Reid: [00:29:56] How long ago?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:29:57] It was in 2022.
Laura Reid: [00:30:01] Okay.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:30:01] 2022, 2023, something like that. And it was virtually, it was for a Rotary Group, and I had like 20 people in the Zoom room. A talk I had given many, many times before, not something new. I get in, I'm giving the talk, and I had a full on panic attack out of nowhere.
Laura Reid: [00:30:21] Wow.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:30:22] For whatever reason, I knew that as it was building in me, I could feel it. And I was talking to myself like, we're okay, we're all good. We're in. We're in a Rotary Club. It's fine. We've given this talk. Totally could feel the panic attack coming, right? I was like, okay, so I pivoted and I asked the group a question and I was like, hey, I'd like you to discuss what you think your personality type is based on this chart and what you think each other are. And I said, I think my monitor is kind of screwing up. I'm going to try to check that. And you guys have this discussion. And I turned my camera off, and I turned my sound off in the middle of this workshop. And I sat there and I breathed for three minutes, and I just breathed. And I drank water, and I had an applesauce and I just breathed. And they were having a great discussion. And I came back on and I said, hey, I think I figured out my monitor, are you guys ready to continue? And they were like, yeah. And so I continued. But instead of giving the presentation where I was doing most of the talking, I continued to ask them questions the rest of the presentation. And I had about ten minutes left because I breathed for so long, it probably was longer than three minutes. But anyway, we got through the presentation and at the end of it the president came and they were like, that's one of the best presentations we've ever had. And I was like, thank you so much. And I have to say that after that experience, I was like, it really doesn't matter because it's not about me. It's about them and what they're getting out of it. And if I have to, and I've had talks where I've been really not feeling great for whatever that day, doing a workshop in person for 30 or 40 people. And I sat the entire time. Guess what, they had a great time. So as long as I'm willing to show up and do my best, it's good enough.
Laura Reid: [00:32:32] And, well, it's more than good enough. Obviously, it's so good. Because you're, you're brave enough and kind of self-loving enough too, and present enough to see that your body needed care and to figure out a way on the spot to allow yourself, like to have that breath, have that water, that applesauce, right, and get back to it. And then the lesson, like I'm learning from you too, right now is when you're flexible enough, when something does go awry when you're speaking, if you just think about them, ask them questions, have them talk more. It ends up being better than probably if you had, like stuck to your script or memorized it and said it perfectly or whatever it was anyway. I've had moments where I've totally blanked out and then I have like go-to questions. And so instead of saying what I'm supposed to say, supposed to say next, I just start asking questions or put it on them in some way and ends up being so much better, right? So it's like such good lessons for us with that. Thank you for sharing that. So. Yeah. So good. And you never know when things are going to creep up, right? And I mean, sometimes it's just things are baked into our nervous systems. We don't know it's still there. And something just, it just comes up. Right? And so I think just allowing grace and flexibility with yourself. And then the more present you are in those moments, the more you can respond in an authentic way and still keep going. And yeah, I do like to think that nerves and excitement are very similar.
Laura Reid: [00:34:05] Right? So we can kind of repurpose our nervous feelings for excitement. But sometimes we're really we're just nervous, you know. But we can still, that's still, that's energy, right. Like when your nerves are, it's energy. It means you care, right? I mean, I still get nervous before I do stand-up comedy, which I haven't done in a while. But even last time I did it, I remember just telling myself, okay, I'm just excited. I'm just excited. But every bone in my body was screaming like, you need to puke right now. Like you were just going to puke. And I'm like, I could be as excited as I want, but my body is still telling me, like, I am incredibly nervous, but I do it anyway. And then once I'm up there on stage, I do kind of, an excitement does take over, you know, once the people start laughing and I didn't throw up yet. And so things are like, I'm killing it because I didn't throw up. So sometimes you got to lower the bar for yourself too. But before we go, I did want you to touch on neuroscience and forensic investigation. And how, because you've got a background in that which is so fascinating. And does, do any of you, does your background in that and your knowledge of our brains and just your, you know, your closeness to like understanding the human body, like after death, all of that. Does any of that training that you had and experience sneak into your speaking style in an unexpected way or how you approach that?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:35:35] Absolutely, absolutely. One, I'm pulling from science all the time in my talks. I don't care if I'm talking about prayer. I will still talk about like the law of conservation or whatever it is. I'm always pulling in some form of science because I'm a nerdy nerd that likes to nerd. So bringing that in is very natural, and the neuroscience aspect really lends really well to bringing it up and speaking because people are fascinated by the brain. They want to know what's going on. And so much of what I am talking about is really a product of how our brain functions. So I definitely bring that in. I think the death investigation allows me to not be afraid to talk about those hard emotions or those hard situations that people are in. I do a lot of workshops for caregivers who are caregiving for a loved one who has dementia or Alzheimer's, and is in the process of slowly passing away. That's a really, really hard situation to be in, and it's okay to talk about the hard things. In fact, I encourage them to do that. I'm okay with crying. I'm okay with crying myself. If the emotion is there and feeling really deep empathy and compassion. And I learned that from doing death notifications, which is one of the most horrific things I've ever had to do in my life. And just being there with somebody when they just found out that their loved one passed away. I will also say that there's lots from my forensics days that give some really great humor, because I've seen all kinds of wacky, wild things of, you know, flies landing on dead bodies and pathologists whacking the heck out of them and, like all kinds of, all kinds of things that are pretty funny. And being able to bring that humor in a little bit, I think lightens things up for people, too.
Laura Reid: [00:37:45] You have a lot of material to draw from in your life, and that memoir has just, you know, it writes itself basically. Let's face it. Thank you so much. You're just an absolute like you're a force of nature. Like, truly, truly you are. And such a warrior and just, you know, love. And because to me, like, you really embody what you, what you do, right? How you help people by living it yourself. And I just think it's so powerful. Can you please share with our listeners all the ways that they can follow you and learn more about what you do, and maybe Arliss is a most gifted business coach like ever and, or book you to speak, all of the things. It's so cool that you teach at UH too. I forgot to mention that you're a professor as well. Of all the other things that you do. So. Yeah, where can we, where can we follow you and what's coming up for you?
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:38:44] The one place that people can find me is my website. I really don't do social media and that sort of thing anymore.
Laura Reid: [00:38:49] You don't do? I'm always looking for you.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:38:52] I know.
Laura Reid: [00:38:53] I want to know what you're eating for lunch. I want to know what's going on.
Arliss Dudley-Cash: [00:38:56] I basically eat a lot of fruits and vegetables all day long. So, you know, soullutions.com is where I'm at. And people are welcome to email me Arliss@soullutions.com. I want to let everyone know the only reason that I'm a speaker is because of Laura Reid. I would have never considered it. She and I met and she said, I think you have a story to tell. And I went, you know, fighting tooth and nail and dragging my heels and crying and screaming, literally crying and screaming, to my first speaking engagement that I vowed would be my last and only. And Laura Reid has totally changed my life. I am the speaker I am today because of her. I model everything that I do in my speaking world based on what she has taught me. And if you are looking to book a speaker or work with a speaking coach, she is the only person that I would ever recommend that you work with. So, you're welcome to reach out to me. But if it's about, and I'm happy to do a workshop for you, but if it's about learning how to speak, I'm going to send you Laura's way.
Laura Reid: [00:40:07] Okay? I did not have Arliss on for that plug, but thank you so much. That's the most beautiful testimonial ever. And I'll, yeah, I'll never forget, like, working with you at first and just how brave you were and hearing your story and just, you know, I knew I had to get out there. Like, obviously you're meant to be a speaker, and you were. And I mean, my condolences for it didn't work out the way you intended that that would be your last, you're only going to do this once. So, and I knew that wouldn't be the case because you're just, yeah, you're meant to shine like you do and shed your light on so many others so they can be lit up as well with your words and your stories and your insights and your wisdom. Thank you so much, Arliss, for being a guest today. And to all of our listeners, remember, the scariest thing is not telling your story. And if you love this episode because I know you will, like, make sure that you do all the things so you can keep watching, keep watching, and keep hearing other stories. I'll see you next time on The Public Speaking Horror Show.