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Created by Roselis Cortez • Co-host: James Stanley
Seam Notes explores luxury as behavior
How you think, how you move, and the standards you hold when no one is watching.
This isn’t about status or appearance. It’s about composure, discernment, boundaries, and self-respect. The things that quietly shape how you live.
Through lived experience, we talk about growth, outgrowing environments, and learning to move differently without losing yourself in the process.
No performance. No exaggeration. Just real conversations about what it takes to hold your own.
New episodes every Wednesday.
Roselis (00:00)
So what are we talking about today?
James (00:02)
The unanswered text.
Roselis (00:05)
Okay,
what do you mean by that?
James (00:08)
The event is not a wound. It's our perception.
Roselis (00:18)
okay.
James (00:18)
So we're talking perception versus reality.
Roselis (00:25)
You perceived whatever the action of the other as intention, the intention of somebody else's or whether there was an intention or wasn't.
James (00:35)
Absolutely. This is the biggest question. And I think mind blowing and I don't say this lightly to really change our lives. Right?
Roselis (00:46)
Yeah. Really. Yeah, absolutely.
James (00:48)
So you know how they say and it's and I'd say it and it should be printed on a t shirt, change your mind, change your world. Sure. We're talking perception.
It's all perception. And what that means is if we can really examine the perception of something and see that it's not fixed, we are not fixed, we are not stuck in suffering, like I cannot shout this or get more excited about it or want to talk about it more than this subject, right? So let's dive in, right? Perception versus reality. So someone texts you.
This is a very light one, right? We're gonna start light and not get too deep, but we're gonna get deep. Someone texts you. We all get a phone, we get a text. And we think that they left us on read,
Or they never responded. Or they did capitals. Like I had someone call me out today because I was in caps. I didn't realize I was going so fast. I didn't realize I was in caps.
Roselis (01:52)
What did they say? Don't yell at me?
James (01:54)
Somebody said, Why are you so upset? And I'm like, Well what are you talking about? And I look down So in
Roselis (01:58)
Yeah. Yeah.
James (02:01)
that moment the mind perceived
Abandonment, rejection, all what it perceives, right? But none of it was reality because the person let me know that I sent everything in caps, and they thought I was yelling at them, and I had no clue, so it was not reality, I was not yelling at them at all. Right?
Roselis (02:33)
But the person let you know that they felt that you were yelling. Right? What if they had not responded and they had kept the perception that you were yelling?
James (02:47)
Totally.
Roselis (02:48)
Because they verified the text, right? Right. What we tend to do is we tend to read into what people say without even asking the question.
James (02:59)
One thousand percent.
Roselis (03:00)
We interpret and feel anything based on what our experiences are, not necessarily the truth of that moment.
James (03:12)
Right, correct. Correct. Exactly. So, you know, and it it's so simple and so profound. We
Roselis (03:20)
Yeah, yeah.
James (03:22)
can examine our perception of things. We've all had this experience where something happened and then we realized it wasn't that at all. But we went through the emotional trauma. Mm-hmm. Yeah. My boss said the email came through. It didn't come through. And I'm gonna lose my job.
My partner doesn't like love me anymore because they didn't respond, or they're acting this way. And already the mindset, okay, this, this, and this is happening, and it's a fire alarm, right? Right
Roselis (03:53)
Right.
James (03:54)
in our perception. But in reality, none of those things are true. So the beauty part of this, and this is major news, headlines.
Headlines.
Roselis (04:04)
Headlines people.
James (04:06)
Okay. It's not fixed. So in that freedom comes.
Roselis (04:12)
Right. So why don't you expand a little bit on it's not fixed, right? Because what you're talking about here is impermanence, right? Or something that's ever changing or that mutates or that can adapt to a thing. You know, sometimes when we hear fixed, some people don't really get the interpretation of fixed as being like in one space only. So
Lightly touch on that if you can.
James (04:42)
So a good example I think is self, right? And this all starts with self, not other self. We're doing this podcast right now, and you have a perception of James. You are perceiving James in a certain way. James is X to you. So you have your version of James. And our viewers and listeners have their views of James.
Roselis (05:08)
Right.
James (05:09)
Which kind of scares me, but we'll go with it.
Roselis (05:13)
Which is going to be different than what mine is.
James (05:16)
One thousand percent and then I have my version of James inside right and I guarantee you they're all different
Roselis (05:25)
Of course they are.
All of this. But we are deviating from the subject here.
James (05:31)
We really think, if we were to be honest with ourselves, we have all had an experience of self being something. Right? So I can tell you that I've had fear come over me and and saying, I'm an afraid person right now.
Or I am a hurt person. That's what I'm identifying with. The hurt.
We feel I'm hurt. Right? And we can get stuck there and think this is permanently who I am. How many times do we say, I'm angry?
I'm hurt.
Roselis (06:05)
See, but I think that these are two different things. Even though they're very similar, I think that they're two different things, at least for me. Like so what I hear you say, right, is I'm angry. So now I'm this angry person, right?
James (06:16)
Correct.
Roselis (06:19)
And I am, you know, whatever another emotion may be identify with that.
James (06:28)
I'm an angry person, I'm a lonely person.
Roselis (06:31)
Okay, so in my experience I had many years of anger that I didn't know were anger. I knew there was anger, but I never saw myself as an angry person. I never saw myself as that. I'd had anger at something and about something.
James (06:52)
When you were sitting in it, when you were sitting in the anger.
Roselis (06:56)
I wouldn't think of myself as an angry person. I'm I was angry in that moment, but I didn't label myself an angry person. So that's where I see it as different, right? But how
James (07:09)
People don't do that.
Roselis (07:11)
right, but what I'm saying is is that they're they're they're almost like halves of the same fruit here, or you know, globe or box or whatever, right? Because I heard you say that.
When we have an emotion, we attach to it, we internalize it, and we label ourselves as such. But I don't think that all of us have to.
James (07:37)
No, we don't have to at all. That's the point.
Roselis (07:38)
No, no, no, no, no, But when we're saying it's fixed, right, is because we have now put that on there, But
If we think about the fact that there are so many parts to who we are, right? So there's that angry one, then there's the happy one and then there's the lazy one. If you want I don't like to use that one, the one that likes to rest and have relaxation time. But I literally was really angry for many years, but I never considered myself an angry person.
Right? Because that was not where I functioned from in the whole of the world. Was there an angry side part of me that was angry about certain things? Absolutely.
James (08:30)
Carry it with you in the other parts of you? How long did you carry that anger?
Roselis (08:36)
Oh, that anger was around for decades.
James (08:38)
So my point
Roselis (08:39)
Right, but I was never I never labeled myself because you're now talking about labeling yourself as well. You're saying that if you're angry you're gonna tell yourself you're an angry person. No. Because that was not the dominant
James (08:55)
But carried it for years.
What if you could realize instantly this is just a perception, and drop it?.
Roselis (09:03)
Yeah, but you have to process all of that. You have to be able to process that and understand that that's what you're doing. Right? I mean it's
James (09:12)
But we can do that and it's just as simple as I mean yes it's it's a lot this is a big subject right and it's a lot to take in at once but the simple fact is what we perceive to be is not the reality of the situation the thing, self...
Roselis (09:30)
And again, that's why I think that it seems a little bit of a deviation from where we started, because we're talking about how we are labeling ourselves versus how we're interpreting the thing. Right? So what do I mean by that? If a person doesn't answer the text immediately and you know, and I go, my God.
do they not want to hear from me? Are they not interested in this? Did I say this incorrectly? Let me take a look at what I said. This is what I mean. This is not what I mean. Da da da da da da da. You know. I have actually a perfect example. The other day I was having a text conversation with a client and I brought up a legal situation within the text. I said legally
Da da da da da. And the person said, Well, who is it that you work for? It's blank company, isn't it? I'm sure I can also tell you what legal things you are encroaching on. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is that these are the laws and we need to obey them.
I'm not threatening you. I'm just presenting you with the facts and letting you know what we need to do. How do you want to do it? Correct. In no way was I trying to threaten you, right? But the person immediately went on the defensive, right? Mm-hmm. It was after a few more texts that they were like
okay, I get it that you weren't trying to do that. Now I get it. But the immediate interpretation was the I'm a victim, right? That came from that space. Or something similar to that. I'm not saying that that's exactly what it was, but it was that thing, right? And so are you saying that because at that moment he was the victim and
Seeing themselves as that person, that's why that reaction was there. Is that kind of what I'm
James (11:43)
Absolutely. Absolutely.
In the moment we believe we are sitting in the victim, the anger, the uncomfortability, whatever the feeling arises, we attach to it and immediately feel in that moment, this is who I am. Right. We're not labeling ourselves that, but this is we truly believe that because we're acting on it. Had he not felt that that was or this person had not felt that was the truth and that's what they were feeling, they wouldn't have got defensive with you.
Roselis (12:12)
Right.
James (12:13)
If had we had known okay my perceiving what she's saying is not this, they wouldn't have went there. Right? And the only reason we act on it is because we believe.
Roselis (12:23)
Uh-huh. I mean like like, you know, when you see the little three dots coming up and then brr and it goes away, and you're like, wait a minute, are they not responding to my thing? Am I not? Wait, wait a minute. I thought we were in a conversation and brrrr. Nothing.
James (12:37)
So the feeling that comes up whatever it is.
Roselis (12:39)
And then you realize, shit, they're probably talking to somebody else and they haven't even seen my message.
James (12:44)
So if we could take a breath every time we have a perception of anything, and just sit with the mind and say, wow, maybe it's not like that. Right?
Then you let those things go and the world becomes so much better, right? Like, you know, we talked about New York City. We're in New York. And it's a massive it's a massive town, right? Big town. And there's what how many million, I think we're eight, nine million okay people on this island. Yeah. Right? And all of them have a different version of New York City. All of them have a different perception. Your New York City's different than mine.
Roselis (13:24)
Mine is lovely, opportunity, beautiful, enchanting, safe, you know.
James (13:29)
Yeah, mine is kind of the same
I love the energy. I I get off on it, right? But I've had people that come in into this town. I have an assistant right now that yeah, it's not he's not in love with New York. He doesn't see New York as that. And which kind of I go, wow, really? So
Roselis (13:43)
Oh really? That's really interesting that he does
James (13:45)
So, so does that mean that New York is any of those things? Is New York beautiful and lovely, and charming?
Roselis (13:52)
For me.
James (13:53)
for you? Your perception that's what it is.
Roselis (13:56)
Absolutely. It is and it always has been
James (13:57)
But that reality shifts for everyone. And if the reality is shifting, this is beautiful because it's not fixed and we could make the reality what we want. Right? So if reality doesn't suit you in New York City, then you can remove yourself from New York City.
Roselis (14:18)
Okay, but here's the other bit. So if you're saying that are we also saying that we that there is a part of this that's denial,
James (14:29)
How so?
Roselis (14:30)
well, how do you remove yourself from that? If you're are you just saying you physically get out of New York City because your interpretation is that.
James (14:42)
It's a lot deeper than that. We can change the mind's perception.
Roselis (14:45)
You know. Of course we can we train it to do that.
James (14:47)
But, do we?
Are we aware that we can have that we can switch the mind, change the mind?
Roselis (14:56)
So yeah, you change one thing and everything changes. Right.
James (15:01)
Of course.
But that's what we're talking about, perception versus reality.
Roselis (15:04)
so for us in this it's like if we think about of a of a very famous book that you know, it's thinking fast and slow, right? It tells us that we think with that fast brain and we respond like this, right? And then when we do this slow thinking where we are able to take that beat of time to
really kind of digest what it is that we've activated, right? Then we're able to give a better response because we're not reacting, It it kind of negates a little bit our intuitive actions, Meaning the book does.
Because it says that you don't necessarily you know, that that you need to kind of bring in both sides where I think that for many things you need to follow the instinct, But it's also the beat after the instinct. So it's not saying don't use your instinct, it's saying take a beat.
James (16:06)
Yeah, step out of it for a second.
Well again, that's what we're talking about, you know, perception of reality, because we're perceiving this moment, this thing, this self, and yet we need to take a beat and then see that that is really not reality. Right? And we do this constantly, guys, constantly. You think, I thought I had this way, and you were all riled up about it, and then all of a sudden you realize that wasn't you got the voicemail, you did get the email, you got the text right, and you're like, oh Okay.
Roselis (16:33)
And we get we do it with the guy at the pharmacy or the the guy in the token booth or what used to be a token booth, right?
James (16:41)
Yeah, exactly. No more token booths.
Roselis (16:44)
Yeah, the subway or you know, the whatever, the taxi driver we're in constant perceptions, right? Exactly. Of the reality. And so we for me, for me, the idea of creating a beautiful, positive, upbeat reality is always better than the alternative that we all jump into. Yeah.
James (17:11)
Exactly. And we're not talking rose colored glasses here. I'm not saying you're not saying, let's just paint everything rosy.
Roselis (17:17)
It's horrible. No, right? No. But I don't attach what I could feel to the lack of response from a text. If there's a lack of response from a text and I really need an answer, then I'm gonna hit up again. And say, Hey, maybe you missed this or, you know, I didn't hear from you or whatever it may be.
James (17:36)
But how many people don't do that?
Roselis (17:38)
But I'm not gonna be sitting there thinking that they're doing something to me or doing something because they don't like me or whatever. It could be such a variety of things for which they haven't answered the text. It's not mine to know unless I take the action step to find out, which is exactly what happened with you this morning with your capital letter text.
James (18:08)
Yeah, correct. Exactly. And so point being, right, that you are looking at things in a more positive light,
Roselis (18:16)
Exactly. you know, and that's where I often think that, my luxury, my personal luxury is that I have this ability to do that, right? And I have mentioned it here before. It has also been denial, right? It has been denial at times of danger. It has been denial at times where I've been in risky situations, Did it serve me well? Yeah.
James (18:43)
That you thought everything was okay when it wasn't? Is that what you're talking about?
Roselis (18:47)
That I made light of a situation that was much riskier or that was much more pervasive. But that's where I was using the rose colored glasses, right? So at times in my youth where it was less cemented, where it was less internalized, if you will, it was also a form of avoidance.
But I embrace having that. I embrace being able to take a look at the stuff and be on that positive side of things versus catastrophizing or feeling a victim or thinking that it's comes at me.
James (19:37)
Well that's using wisdom.
Roselis (19:39)
Because it doesn't happen at me.
This is life. Life happens. We are traveling in it. And whatever we encounter and we bump into, we have to deal with. It's not why me, it's what do I do with this now?
James (19:59)
Correct. That is exactly it.
Roselis (20:00)
How do I deal with this now?
James (20:02)
And I think a key word you said recently that keeps coming up for me while we're talking right now is wisdom. If we have the wisdom mind, meaning some kind of wisdom, the way we're thinking, and wisdom in the sense of some thought process that's guiding us, that is clarifying everything, we're able to navigate this. Right? With wisdom. Like in your youth when you were maybe a little bit rose colored glasses and you were weren't facing
As much of the what could have been a devastating situation.
Roselis (20:32)
Right.
James (20:33)
but with a wisdom mind, as an adult, we can really navigate that and kind of decipher, is this a perception or is this the reality of the situation? Right. Right. Right? Right. Because sometimes it is the reality of the situation, right? Sometimes someone not someone not answering a text or being curt or et cetera, et cetera, is the reality of the situation.
Roselis (20:55)
but the beauty of being able to take the beat and then going back and saying, Is this what you're saying? Are you, or re-texting or doing whatever?
Clarifying your perception
James (21:09)
Really guys, just letting go of our perception of a thing. Realizing staying in the moment, yes. But the perception is not the reality. In most cases. With self especially. Forget others and things. With self.
Roselis (21:22)
Right.
James (21:23)
Right? Because if we can really learn to do that with self, which is where we need to start doing it, where I've had to do it, right? Because I question myself when I go into this place, whatever it may be, I'm like, why am I here? What's going on? Is this really happening?
Or am I just doing it in my mind?
Roselis (21:40)
I do it with work and then I check and double check and quadruple check and you know, check and check and check and make sure that all of the checks are rechecked. And I waste two hours making sure that that's correct when it to begin with it was, you know, and it's and it's a fear of not
Not being correct, guiding my people in the wrong direction. That to me is because, when people are buying a home, it's a huge deal.
James (22:05)
Yeah, one of the biggest things.
Roselis (22:06)
So I wanna make sure that all the numbers are correct, that everything is right, that it's all you know, that they can really see all the angles of this thing.
So... The luxury. This is always the same. The bottom line, everything equals internal dialogue equals the luxury. being in a space of peace within yourself and your surroundings equals the luxury, right?
And so When I think that when we find ourselves in that situation where we are assuming and we're questioning and we're jumping into conclusions that what's happening around us, the first thing that we need to do is really check, isn't it?
James (22:51)
Check in with self. Where is this coming from?
Roselis (22:54)
Right. And then also check with the other person.
James (22:57)
If you can, if you have the opportunity, for sure. Yeah. If you have, you know, why is this feeling coming up in me and where am I going?
Roselis (23:03)
Well no, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, you know, if you stay if the text remains unanswered or the email remains unanswered or the whatever it is that is the the event that you perceived in a way that is not necessarily correct, verify. Verify if what you felt, what you perceived was the intention of the person.
James (23:31)
Absolutely.
Roselis (23:31)
we're not saying don't have a perception because you're gonna have it no matter what.
James (23:34)
And if there isn't someone, something to verify one must verify with self.
Roselis (23:39)
Right. With self. Right.
James (23:42)
Take that beat and really sit with self and say, Okay, what's going on here?
Roselis (23:46)
Right. What an interesting subject.
This week, notice a moment between what happened and the story you attach to it. That gap is where everything changes.
Thank you for being with us. We'll be back next week. See you then.