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Adaptive Humans™ is the podcast for real talk and intentional growth. Hosted by Jami de Lou, each episode blends meaningful stories with practical tools you can use in your next meeting, tough conversation, or high-pressure moment—and just as easily in everyday life. Together, we’ll explore how to work with emotions instead of against them, bridge differences with respect, and steady ourselves when stress runs high. With signature segments like Beyond the Bio, Brave Enough Moment, and Just Be Reset, this podcast invites you to practice adaptability in the moments that matter most.
Adaptive Humans — Episode 2
Grief Part I: Navigating Loss Through Purposeful Vulnerability
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Jami de Lou (00:09):
Welcome back to Adaptive Humans, the podcast where we engage in real talk and intentional growth. I’m your host, Jami de Lou. If you caught Episode 1, you know this show is more than leadership tips or surface-level conversations—it’s about being brave enough to show up as our full selves, across differences, and in the messy realities of life.
At the heart of this podcast are three anchors I’ll keep returning to: how we handle emotions with clarity, how we bridge differences with respect, and how we steady ourselves when stress runs high. If you missed it, check out Episode 1 for an overview.
Today’s theme is a tender one: grief anniversaries. But before I go there, I want to talk about something that matters deeply to me—purposeful vulnerability.
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(02:00) Purposeful Vulnerability
Purposeful vulnerability means choosing to share openly—not to overshare, but to create connection. We hear that vulnerability is a leadership superpower, and it is, but with boundaries we define for ourselves. What we choose to share may shift over time and across seasons of life.
This is a value I hold for myself and for guests on this show. As we talk about grief, I want you to remember—you always have the right to choose what you share and what you hold.
Grief anniversaries can be difficult. Sometimes they’re collective, like 9/11. Other times they’re deeply personal. How we acknowledge or ignore them says a lot about how human we allow ourselves—and others—to be. If today isn’t the right day for you to listen to a conversation about grief, that’s completely okay. Please come back when you’re ready.
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(05:15) Beyond the Bio
Beyond the Bio is where we go deeper than titles and résumés to the stories that shape us.
I’ve had a lifelong connection with grief. As I sit here, I’m just weeks away from one of my biggest anniversaries—my mom’s passing. She lived with multiple sclerosis for nearly 20 years and died at 60. I was only 32.
For me, grief anniversaries aren’t just about her death. They’re about birthdays, holidays, even random Wednesdays that knock me off my feet. Anniversaries are anchors—but grief is something you carry in many different ways.
Simple words like, “I know what today means for you. If it’s hard, I’m here” have meant the world to me.
Grief also carries through generations. My grandmother died the day before my mom’s 12th birthday, and my grandfather called every Good Friday—the last day my mom had with her. As a kid I didn’t understand, but now I see it was his way of honoring and connecting.
We often underestimate the generational grief and trauma we carry. It can rewire us and compound our own experiences of loss. And grief isn’t just about death—it can come from caregiving, job loss, or the end of relationships. These threads shape how we love, parent, and show up in the world.
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(12:30) Brave Enough Moment
This segment is about times when we step forward, even when it’s messy or uncertain.
For me, one of those moments was moving to New York for grad school at NYU. I was teaching high school at the time, and many people thought I was crazy to walk away from a job to take on student loans. But in Washington Square Park, I had a moment of clarity: If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
I called my mom from a payphone and told her. She gave me both roots and wings, saying: “Okay, then this is what you’re going to do.”
New York was hard and exhilarating. And in many ways, it shaped me into who I am. But what I didn’t know was how my story would intersect with one of the greatest collective grief anniversaries of our time—September 11th, 2001.
On that day, I was teaching in Boston. An administrator asked me to read a note aloud to my students. As I read, the news unfolded in real time. My students looked at me and said, “Miss, call your friends. We’ll be quiet.” Their compassion was unforgettable.
Later, I reached the last of my friends in lower Manhattan. They were safe. I called my mom and collapsed on the floor with relief. I had lived just two blocks south of the World Trade Center. If I’d stayed in New York, I would likely have been there.
That first year after 9/11, I dreamed constantly of the faces I saw daily in my neighborhood—neighbors, subway workers, people I never knew by name. On the first anniversary, when every name was read, I watched them all, searching for the faces from my dreams.
Grief can be personal and collective. There’s no one right way to process it. Sometimes a Brave Enough Moment is simply honoring your own grief while respecting how others navigate theirs.
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(26:50) Just Be Reset
Our Just Be Reset segment is about grounding and renewal—taking small actions to support our nervous system when stress, grief, or anxiety build up.
A book that helped me is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Their core idea: stress isn’t just in the mind—it lives in the body. If we don’t complete the stress cycle, it lingers and stacks up.
Ways to release the cycle include:
• Movement—walking, dancing, shaking it out.
• Creative expression—journaling, painting, music.
• Connection—long hugs, laughter, tears.
Here’s a simple reset to try:
• Plant your feet firmly on the ground.
• Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
• Exhale slowly for a count of 8.
• Repeat twice.
Those longer exhales signal your body to settle and reset.
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(33:20) Closing
Today we explored the quiet weight of grief anniversaries—how they ripple through our lives, families, and communities. If there’s one thing to take with you, it’s this: purposeful vulnerability creates connection.
Your invitation this week: notice, breathe, and reflect. What grief anniversaries shape your story? How might you honor them in ways that connect rather than isolate? If grief isn’t part of your story right now, how might you support someone else?
Remember, adaptability isn’t built in theory—it’s built in everyday choices to show up in our conversations, our teams, our communities, and in ourselves.
Join me in the next episode for Part II, where I talk with Kerri Soukup, creative leader and founder of The Sentiment Project, about using creativity to process grief.
Until next time, remember: I am brave. I am enough. I am brave enough. And so are you.
This is Adaptive Humans: real talk, intentional growth.