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The Commonality Podcast explores what it means to do our best in today’s messy beautiful world. Hosted by Pilar, a personal and professional coach, we dive into it all with a mix of honesty, humor, and heart. Whether it’s solo musings, breaking down weird astro sh*t, or listening to guest stories, this is your space to remember this life is non linear and you're not alone.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (00:00.257)
It's happening.
Take a deep breath.
You look cute. You're so sweet. you love you. She's so sweet. Stop. Hey, you see my John Wick going back there? did. I didn't know if was John Wick or if it was the Joker because Joker is actually. No way. that's funny. I thought it was that Joker, too. Yes, we have quite a few pictures.
No, so we're going on a ride. Okay. God, you can see the stuff now. See, it's a mess. I'm trying to get together and now I'm just like freaking out because I'm very nervous. You look fine. Everything's fine. My husband thinks I'm a mad woman, but that's fine. He's like, you do this all the time. I'm like, shut up. Don't be irrational. Don't truth to me.
I need to cancel. was like, you're just being a normal person. He's like, stop being weird. Exactly. Is that Erykah Badu or what's on your shirt? This is Beyonce. hey. hey. Yes, she is. Love it. The goddess of the divine feminine is on my divine feminine. Yes, Beyonce. need to channel my inner Beyonce. That's right. That's right. So, okay.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:35.086)
So thank you for being here. Well, thank you for having me, Miss Vanessa. So I don't really have an intro to these things. We just kind of like get into it, which I think is a lot funner. You know, because we just hang and we just chillin'. But one thing that I definitely wanted to talk to you about is like, I'm just so in awe of your life and how much
you constantly have going on. I don't know if you can hear the dryer right now. I can't cover me and I had to finish my laundry before we came on. I'm like, let me get this situated before I can. And I even broke a nail in the process. my God, girl. I like chipped my just the the the nails there, but the chip that was like my thumb broke.
And I just got my nails done and it was at a new place. I'm like, you know, give it a try.
So I had like a mental breakdown, almost existential crisis. I can't do it. can't be on I can't be on camera. have the camcorder. He's like, it's a nail. You can hide it. I'm like, I'm going to mess around and just flick my hands up and then they're going to see, bam, no nail here. You can't see anything. It's OK. They're going to see no nail. It's like nothing. You literally can't see.
But yeah, you know, I hear that a lot about me like, how do you do it? know, everything you have going on and the answer is I don't know. I just do. I can't like. You really don't have a choice, but I don't have a choice in the matter. I know the train. I don't do that. It won't get done. It won't happen. The children need rearing. So, you know, it's just it's just a normal chaos, I guess. know for me.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (03:37.452)
You can say, I don't know if I know how to have a life without said chaos. And I'm pretty sure we've had that conversation before. It's like I drive on chaos. It's like, I don't know what to do without it. So you're like neurological pathways have like, yes, it's chaos. I can only imagine what my brain looks like. It's interesting. Yeah. That would be so interesting. Do you feel like you're good at multitasking?
Yes, I do. I now that you mention it, I you can say that like I'll be I don't know doing a work meeting or helping someone homework while breastfeeding the baby or have like the baby on my shoulder giving someone something else and like stirring the rice, tending to the dog and three other children running around and yeah on a work call. So yes. And on a work call. Yes. And I mean, I work I work from home and yeah.
That's a lot. from sun up to, you know, even after they go to bed, I'm up. So do you feel like it's you feel like it's exciting? Like, do you enjoy it? You know what? I do enjoy it. Sometimes, of course, it can be very overwhelming. what is happening right now? Literal. Well, there's been a few times it's like if you look at my living room or whatever, we're all in.
It's like a dumpster that's on fire and it's just like literally it's like it resides here. I feel like we permanent permanent dumpster fire. It's just here permanent and sometimes burning brighter than others. I mean, I enjoy it. You know, I do enjoy being a mom. I do enjoy having my children. I mean, have enough of them. So obviously enough of them. I'm enjoying motherhood in some way. So I do enjoy it and I do enjoy the chaos and I do enjoy it.
What my life is. Yeah. I love that. It was funny. We were having a moment yesterday because Athena was at the table and she was, I don't even know. She like wanted something on the TV. We didn't know what she wanted. We couldn't even understand her. And then Rafa's in the kitchen. He spilled sugar the day before and I told him, I told him, I said, you have got to clean this up because this is like, this is going to create a problem.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (06:07.936)
And the next day, the next day I was like, my God, the entire, and we have like black. Yeah, we have like black top too, like on our countertops. And I'm like, wait a second. my God. And I grabbed Rafa, I'm like, tell me what you see. And he's like, he gets close and he's like, You see, you should put a nose in it like you do dogs that pee on the floor.
Look, look, you smell it. You happy now? didn't. Because I don't know what I'm talking about. You know everything, right? Mom doesn't know. Yeah, totally. And then the whole time, he was literally too, going outside and like, you know, because he had to go outside and take trash. And I was like, go outside and pray to the ancestors right now. I was like, are massacring families.
You better feel bad about this. Look what you've done. Look what you've done. And I turned to my husband and I go, imagine if there were three. Imagine if there were three. And he was like, yeah. I was like, no, no, no. Like, don't get it. Like you said, right? Like there's always, it's always a dumpster fire. It's just what spectrum on the dumpster fire. Yeah, exactly. Like where are we in dumpster firing? Are we like stage one or stage
And with death on one or death between like a stage three to seven, myself personally, anything above seven, it's like, okay, do you want me melatonin? And we want me to go to bed right now. That's nice. can't go like, okay, candy. And I'm like, yes, yes, you do. You want all the candy, all the candy. And then, know,
Once that happens at 8 30, everyone's in bed and I'm like. Amazing dumpster fire level two. and then they have the baby. He can't have the bellatonic. Right. So then I just deal with him and then it's like a dumpster fire level two. He's great. It's fine. Okay. Yeah. He's so he's big. Yeah. I was gonna say he's cute, but like, can you say that big be cute? Like he's just huge.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (08:31.8)
He went to the doctor last week and he 18 pounds, give or take, and he's probably gained since last week and about 27 inches. That's more than half of like Athena. Athena thinks he's like finally hit 30 pounds and she's 30 years old. My oldest son is like 34 pounds and he's five and this child is four months. That's insane. And he's almost half my size because I'm five one.
So yeah, whenever I carry any of the children, like their ankles are basically just gonna hit the floor because I'm so short. Yeah, story of my life. yeah, he's a big one. He is them and they're cuddly and loving and.
We did talk about that. Yes. And you said to me, you like he's just going to be a pleaser. Always trying to please me and make me happy. And this is very true. is very pleasant. And I feel like he's just, yeah, just perfect. it. I love it. I think even, I mean, of course, when it's a fourth, right? When it's the fourth.
You're like the fifth with the fifth. Sorry. I was just there was like, yeah, because, know, I was thinking of that a dash of when they say like when you're a parent of four children, they say that you all of a sudden you're like, like it's just like nothing faces you. Right. Yeah. What happened after the past that third person and your house?
They're screaming. You're like, is there blood? Right. Is there blood? They're screaming. I'm going to tell mom. Don't tell me. I don't want to hear their blood. We need to go to the hospital. I'm looking around like, no, no. Shut up. There's nothing that's here. Just.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (10:37.838)
Don't tell mommy anything. No, don't bring me into your squabbles. Okay. But yeah, like once you surpass that, feel like at that point it's just logistics. Like how do we get all of them around? But that's really it. and how to afford vacations for 80 people. I mean, at this point, I'll probably be able to get like a discount for great travel for a travel broker, but yeah.
No, and I heard a rumor that if you have a certain amount that you don't have to pay Like taxes anymore. Is that true? I don't know. That's something we know. Well, I'm just gonna keep popping them out and I'll let you know what happens I feel like having like 15 children might be a good that's the other thing solution to separate problem, but you know We'll see so fee is adamant she's like I want to just throw one another one
As soon as I came home with him in like July, they're like, so where's the next baby? The kids are asking. And my lady bits are like.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (11:45.911)
Excuse me, we're not healed. We're still assessing this previous situation. Situation of shedding out this eight pound child. We don't know about that. And then my oldest son, goes, another boy, you keep having these boys. He wanted a sister. he's like, where's my little sister? my goodness. She's not here. I'm sorry. Like, don't know. Go get another one.
Sophia was like, we need another one because my sister, my oldest, she's like, Sophia's like, she's too emo, I can't. I need someone that's a little bit more colorful and vibrant and cheery. I'm like, well, I'm sorry, you have to talk to your dad, you know, about the situation of why you keep getting brothers. I'm like, it's the man who decides this. And she goes to him, she's like, dad, just tell it to have a girl or something. Like, what's happening?
And I'm like, it's a bit more complex than that. But yeah, so they're looking for another girl. And my husband is like, what's one more?
So, stay tuned. And you're just sitting there like, as if they could, or just putting in an order from Right, I feel like this is an order. It's pretty custom, so it'll take some time. It'll take Nine months to a year, depending on how everything goes. But yeah. Do you know I haven't tried to create the order yet. No, scared, please. Scared. my God. so don't know. Maybe there'll be a sixth one that rolls on out of here.
What? this point, I don't know how to just walk out. Like a giraffe. With a briefcase like boss baby and just, I don't know. That'd be great. Be self-sufficient, have teeth and be potty trained. That'd be amazing. my goodness. It kind of would be. Normally babies with teeth creep me out. You some babies with blomber teeth. Yes, that's really weird. It's like they're so cute and then... They're little fangs.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (13:51.502)
Like I'm not ready for Jason to have teeth yet, but some babies are born with them. But you know, that's a benefit because then that cuts down on teething time. That's true. That's true. So my child comes out with a mouthful. It's like.
We're like, they still a pair of dentures again in Boss Baby that had happened. we'll see. Just kind of roll with the punches. I learned that you can't have too strict of a plan. You have nothing ever goes according to plan. So I'm just keeping my option and my legs open.
That's all I can do. Just be ready to just. Yes, just ready. Ready to be inseminated and.
It was so funny. There was this family in Texas. My sister was visiting. It was like whatever they're selling, like artwork and stuff. They were on this really nice piece of land where this family was just right up the road. was a really small town. I forgot what it's called in North Carolina.
But basically like just once a year or twice a year or something like this, this super desolate land becomes really popular and a bunch of city folk come in and they do like selling artwork and furniture and all that much stuff. Yeah, Craft brew and beanies and plaid. Well, it's like really, really, really wealthy hipsters.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (15:46.862)
those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those. Yeah. Those those people who have I feel like haven't really discovered the internet yet because it's like why aren't anyways, that was a whole other conversation. I didn't miss out with my sister, but there was a family who came over and they were helping kind of coordinate some things and folks who needed like directions for local places and stuff. Anyways, they find out that this family has
14 kids and the woman is like this and The You know like my sister and who we go away the hard they go with it's this whole like Mexican It's a Mexican owned company. They're super close with us. They're hilarious. They're homegrown you know what mean like they come for money, but They still have all the sense humor intact anyways. They're they're like talking. They're like wait
you've had 14 children. She's like, yeah, she's like, you know, we just leave it up to God. And then turns to those legs up to God. That was an air to she turns to the husband and she goes, leave her alone. My stepmother said the same thing to my husband. And I actually went to elementary. No, not elementary. It was middle and high school with a girl.
I think she was the second of either 14 or 15 and they were like back to back to back. It was like bam, bam, bam. So it was like 10th grade, ninth grade, eighth grade, seventh, sixth. It was like every year they had a child. And I think the youngest one graduated from high school has to be about four or five years ago now. Like boom, boom, boom, boom. They were very close in age, same parents. The mother, I believe was.
She was Taiwanese. remember she was Taiwan. She's about four, 11, five feet and like 90 pounds. my And I just couldn't believe that she's shooting babies out like a t-shirt cannon at like a NASCAR race or something like that. are they shooting these? You know, like, just shooting out babies on her baby cannon. And she's like, you know, just tiny, just still walking normal. Like everything's intact. Still walking normal.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (18:08.302)
I don't know how those kids are like, she's not walking like Like, know, like the joints and Barbies. I don't know. I don't know her situation, but I was very impressed. And then we met a family while we were trick or treating and they had eight children. And I was like, wow. You're like, okay, you one up me, two up me. did. I'm like, and I'm like, where do you put them? know, so logistically, it's not like we have one, where do we put it? Like, so we go to IKEA and get some storage and like kind of just drill holes in it.
Where are we shoving these children? And then there's the car situation. It's like the car, I want a suburban or an Escalade. A suburban Escalade, they don't want me because. You know how much it costs to lease a suburban now? It's like a grand a month. That's crazy. I mean, the whole car situation right now is Can I offer you children?
exchange, you know, black market here for babies. But I'm like, what? And then we actually found something it's called. So you know me and these two things normally don't come out of my mouth. I know you're looking. It's not a minivan. It's a multi-purpose vehicle. shut up. It's a minivan. No. Okay. It is not. It is a MPV. I want a minivan.
such as myself, am an MP, no, it's MVP, but it's not my purpose vehicle. I am not an MPB, I'm an MVP. But, and it's my Kia. If you look it up, look up the Kia Carnival, we'd have to scratch that name off, because that's ugly. I don't know what they were thinking about that. Is it Carnival? Carnival, like, ew, but look up Kia Carnival, and you're gonna see, it looks like an SUV. It looks like an SUV, except it's door slide. Look it up.
He and Connor will look it up and you will see that it does not look like a minivan. they definitely, they tried with that one. Right? That definitely. That is the minivan for those who do not want a minivan. That's me. So I've always said I've never had a minivan. Someone just can't go. Imagine me pulling up somewhere at an event and hopping out of a minivan.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (20:32.888)
You're like, no. I think the not. No, ma'am, no. But do you see that vehicle? It's like, okay. Did you do the black on black? Absolutely. That was the only way. Yeah. You have to get in that edition because if you got blue or red or whatever or anything else, even white, it would look like a minivan. Right. The black out. Exactly. You see my vision.
And those things are backorder. Some people have to wait like eight months to get one. It's Girl, we were trying to get one of the new Broncos like two years, like a year ago or whatever. Those things are like two year backorder. We were like, no. Yeah. And it goes like, but why? Why exactly? It's like it's going to be obsolete. You put something in an order and it's already going to be two years old by the time you get it. Like. That's like a.
pre-ordering an iPhone and getting it in two years. iPhone is not going to come out with two new iPhones. No, it's pretty ridiculous. No. I think the whole car situation right now. Yes, it's insane. It's really weird because I don't understand how people are getting anything new if they don't have to. You know what I mean? And people are like, I just want to know. It's it's FOMO. It's FOMO.
Like it's crazy how FOMO is really jacking up people's sensibilities. Yeah. wouldn't have bought a $60,000 car before. Like why are you doing that now? Exactly. And the car I currently have, I'm going to probably end up extending my lease because the rate, it's insane. I'm like, just keep stuffing us in here like little sardines. A little thug. Yes. Until the carnival comes to town, I guess.
I'm not going to wait. is it coming? We didn't put the deposit down. You know, we can't even test drive it yet. They may even available to like to test drive. We actually saw like a like a model that we really didn't care for, but we just wanted to see what it looks like in person. They come. we have one on the lot. It's about to go though, because the person's about to come pick it up. They placed the order about seven months ago. Like, OK, we're going to run down there and see it. God. I damn care. You have me making haste.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (22:59.886)
Or a damn Kia. This is we've come to. This is what we've come to. my God, there was this hilarious YouTube video. was like going through up. They were guessing the price on used vehicles. It was like a Kia Telleride or whatever. And they were like, okay, okay, we're learning our lesson, right? Because as they were going, they were just like shocked at all the numbers. And they were like, okay.
45,000 right like they were like 45,000 like that's absolute max. It was like a used. Yeah Telluride and It was like 60,000. Yes But the thing is with Kia they're smart they actually They have people that used to work at out boarding outing coming over and doing their designs
That's why everything starts to look so much better. That's why their logo was different. Their Audi workers that came, like the head of Audi or something went over to Ikea. I mean, not Ikea. Ikea has infiltrated my brain too. What is it with the Kias? Whether it's the eye? It's Ikea. They have a strong hold on me. So yes, Audi, like people are in Kia now. So that's why it's starting to look like a little different. You know, the logo is not as corny.
Right. yeah. I definitely would have plucked that shit off. was like, nothing a chiseled a husband can't handle. It's 3M tape. It's fine. Yeah, they're definitely turning over a new leaf. So, right. Okay. Keys really stepping their game up. And I didn't know they were South Korean. So it's like, you didn't know that. Now that I know that I expect so much more from them. Like you've been South Korean this whole time and this is what you're giving me.
I have high standards. Because, you know, South Korea is really nice. That's right. Have you been? No, only in my dreams and only when I listen to Psy's Gangnam Style. Athena loves that music video. Gangnam is like the Beverly Hills of South Korea. really? I didn't know that. Yes, it's like, but it's richer than Beverly Hills. that's why. Okay. That's why. got a lesson on Gangnam Style and what that means. And that's why Athena loves it.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (25:23.534)
She knows she's, I don't even know. She's definitely your daughter. I've said it before. I'm gonna say it again. When I walk out of the car with her, you drop her off at school. She is like head to toe almost in pink. She's got her braids, got like all her, she's got all her accessories. And then there's me and I'm just like in a hoodie.
And that means something to her. I'm like, this will be fair when I dropped them off, like when I dropped Aiden off in the morning, I don't. I look like I belong in like a cave or a den somewhere. usually I have like my little Stella McCartney cap on with my big glasses. And I'm just like, I look like the guy from Mean Girls. She doesn't even go here. I'm like, go Aiden.
You know, like, kind of like just drop them off and kind of go, but that's totally what happens. I don't know what just happened. With like a freaky Friday thing. That was like a hello? Yeah, like you were gone. Can you hear me? Can you see me? I hear you and I see you again. Before it was just me. OK, you frozen. I was frozen. Hopefully it wasn't. You're frozen right now. I'm frozen right now? Mm Like let it go? It's literally, let it go. my God. Can you see me moving and fixing my hair?
No, I literally it's frozen on on hold on. Let me see if I can you're doing this. Okay, let me fix my lash. Can you me now? No, I might need to. wait, hold on. Let's try this. No, hold on. We might need to reconnect. Can you disconnect and then hit the link again and I'll edit all the time? can. I'm going to leave, but I'll be back.
I like it.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (27:24.184)
Hi. Shit. I'm back like I never left. Meow. Meow. Meow. yeah, so what I was saying is when I dropped my son off in the morning, I looked like the guy from Mean Girls, the hood, and the glasses. Like, she doesn't even go here. Like, I'm not cute.
You know,
Your bummy and my bummy are two different things. But I'm like sunglasses and a hat make everything better. It makes me look like put my eyebrows on. Without my eyebrows on, nobody really knows what I'm thinking anywhere. They're like non-existent. So I'm like, I'm going them on. And he goes, I can't tell if you're mad or sad or upset by your eyebrows. You just have to look into your eyes because these are missing. You're just raising up your eyebrow, your forehead. I can't see your eyebrows.
I don't have time for my Do you do Botox or anything? Do you do Botox or anything? No, do I need to? No, not at all. You know what? feel like it's so nice and smooth. I feel like my forehead is large enough and then the skin is retracted really tight on my forehead. Right? It looks really smooth right now. It's nice. No, I don't Botox. I am not against it. No. I mean, who's against? I'm not against it. I have kind of liquid I'm not against.
What is it like just You know What is like body modification? I'm not against body. no, not at all. I've had a Like let's get excited now. Yes. I've had a liquid nose job and that's when they do hyaluronic acid which sounds Bad, what is not we actually make it naturally in our bodies and that's how right, you know our skin looks young and
Pilar Lyutfalieva (29:46.272)
Alas, the size. And they could actually do it in like contour in a certain way. It was going great until I banged the shit out of my face. I don't even know how. Wait, with my nose. It was like, my nose. I feel like Jen. Like legit. No, Marsha. was Marsha. Marsha. With the footbal. I don't know what I was doing. I think I went to bend down and pick something up and like, who hits their nose? Like me. Wow.
And it hurt like way more than it should have. And I think it's because I had the filler, I swear. And then my nose job dissolved. Wait, hold on. Okay, so I know hydrochloric or whatever it's called acid, because I actually have a serum. Yeah, you can put it topically. But like the fillers that you see people getting, like when they get, like sometimes they get lip fillers, you can use it. Or when you like contour your face. Or like when you fill out this.
You can use hyaluronic acid. And what's great about that is when you use the hyaluronic acid, like let's say I put it in my lip and I ended up looking like I tongue kissed a beehive and it was like, like really huge. I don't like this. I can get it dissolved. It's reversible. How do you dissolve it? You go back to the doctor and they inject it and they can basically just dissolve it, the hyaluronic acid. That's cool. So how did you know it was in nose?
What were you doing with the nose? You can do it under here, like the bridge in certain ways around it, or just kind of like shape it. Or some people may have like a bump on their nose. It'll fill it out and shape it, like it'll sculpt it out. What you trying to do with your nose? Just like shape it more like contour. I just wanted to see what it would look like. I was bored and it was like a Botox party they have at my own, my beauty bar. Yes, she had Botox parties. Like every couple months. People get lip fillers.
They get their vajayjay done. Yes, that's how you win your vajayjay done. It's called like a vajula, vajinal rejuvenation. I've heard of this. I don't even know what it is, though. Yeah, so they can go in and kind of tighten up those walls again. You know, really, how do they do that? I think it's with a laser. So, you know, it kind of like it only takes one. Great again. I mean, look, I asked my husband, I'm like, do I need that? He's like, no, you know.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (32:13.134)
You know, it's not like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. You can have all these children. It's great. It doesn't echo. Hello. Nobody's like hello. But yes, they have the Vatna rejuvenation. You can get done. I mean, done is an amazing thing because it really does like, it's kind of, it's absolutely, like, I think it's the greatest technology ever. Peoples can only get you, but so far sometimes. Sometimes it's got to
Yeah, I mean for sure.
You know, gotta tweak the bed. So tweaking here, a little tweak there. Yeah. mean, you still have to like, you know, like you have to work it. You know, at it. You know, you got you know, protect your investment and work it out. Yeah. Well, I guess kegels are working out other ways to work it out. I'm sure. I don't know if that. It's kind of productive. I've heard of those muscles. I've heard kegels are.
No joke can be very, actually can do them too much to the point where, like if you, while you're having sex. You're gonna snap it like a glow stick? Whatever's up there, snap it like a glow stick?
Pilar Lyutfalieva (33:45.134)
That's, I'm going to try that because so far my Kegels aren't kegling, but it's probably me. I'm going to, I'm going to work on that. Yeah. realized when I was pregnant with this last one and I sneezed and I'm like, I'm like, you never had issues before? No, I think it started with the fourth or fifth one. At that point, my body was like, how much longer? So wear and tear on this thing.
If this is a used car, think you'd get a warranty. It's like a Porsche. It's like after so many years. it's still it's still got to depreciate. yeah. And I'm like, look at my like, I did a trip on me. Look, thank goodness it wasn't like an onslaught of P. Right. But I'm like, I choose.
think that's also because it's only been four months. Like I feel like for sure for me and Athena's only my second, hello, but I feel like that has a lot to, I think it also has to do with age. Because we're the same age and I feel like after I had Athena for sure, it took like a year or two before I started feeling like I could fart without feeling like I was gonna shart. yeah, no shart. You know what, that actually happened. The sharding? I'm candid here with my
I'm like, I was holding camera. It was like three days old while I just got home. know, my organs are settling back down. Just a little gas. It's just air. You're very gassy after you have a baby. Yeah. Everything's moving and shifting.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (35:23.33)
I like just supposed to be air. It doesn't. You don't hear a splat, you know, it's gas. I'm like. And I'm home by myself holding a baby, so I'm here I am just like, it's all right, the clean up woman, it's fine. It's OK. I can't believe this just happened. It just it is one of moment he's probably judging me. He's like. I should have stayed my ass inside.
The lady shits herself and she's looking to taking care of me. How's she gonna take care of herself? She can't. She can't clean her own ass properly. She's supposed to be taking care of me. This is who I picked to be my mother. This is my mother. You're like, this is what I signed up for. This is what I signed up for. This is why he's a Pisces, I feel like. And he's like just judging me. This is the fourth one. The third one is the Pisces. He's the fish boy.
Yeah. Yeah. Pisces, you know, I think he was joking to me. It's hard when you've had bad experiences with certain signs and then you try really hard not to like impose. Yes. Yes, I try. I'm trying, but it's hard to that Pisces embodiment.
It's hard. Pisces, Pisces up and over again. feel like like love Pisces. like alone when you leave him alone. That's when you get a school of them. Or when you're just like in their space, right? All of a sudden, it's just like this doesn't this doesn't it's not like an awesome stream. Well back.
I'm gonna fish like you're whatever you came from. Okay
Pilar Lyutfalieva (37:11.182)
He's very smart. That one. He's very smart. Sometimes me about all the planets and everything and everything he's learning. He's five. Yes, he's telling me what a dwarf storm is and how the sun is going to become a red star. Wow. And how white holes create energy and things in the black hole that collapses in on itself. Yes. And he's telling about Andromeda. Yeah. Yeah.
This is just starting. He's really young. This started maybe last week. found out about Andromeda and how Venus is the hottest planet and Jupiter is all gas. It's not solid. So you can't stand on it. Yes. Wow. You're like, I only know the thing about him. Yeah, he's schooling me. And I mean, like, I know general things about the planets, but he was letting me have it. talking about Kepler and all this. Wow. There's hope for you.
There's a whole group you've got to... I'm like, you know, they say, you know, serial killers, paces, burgos. And I'm like, I started giving him like the side eye a little different, but I'm like, okay, maybe he'll be, you know, to NASA and not into, you know, other things. Stabby, stabby. Stabby, stabby. He'll be into the grabby, grabby on the moon. He said that's his dream to go on there.
to discover different galaxies and go outer space. I'm like, you like it, I love it. my God. Yeah, I was like, that is so cool. He likes science. And then the other day he told me, he's like, I like animals. I don't like insects. They're gross. They're different. I'm like, you are correct. I feel like I do not like insects either.
We were at the park and he saw like a wasp nest. I don't know if it was an old one, but it was the size of like a soccer ball that was hanging in the tree. He would not. He was like, no, not going up there. I mean, clearly it was a high tree, like, I mean, really big one, but he didn't even want to go under it. He said, Like, I know how physics works. And if it happens at this moment to detach, it is going to fall right here. We don't know if it's a live one, but he, sir, was having none of it. He was like, no, we're not. had to leave the park. He was like, no.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (39:28.076)
He like, no, we're not doing this. I'm not playing there. Self preservation. He was the type like if something happened, it was like a fire or something. He'd bolt, haul ass and leave. He was the first one. Self preservation. Running out of, that'll be him. He's like, I'm out of here. You know, that's true. That's it. And I love him for it. I'm like, run. Be free. Be free of us. Be free of all of this. But yeah, that's a good segue from shit and myself to planet.
Yeah, that's just this way to life goes sometimes, you sometimes you shit yourself. I'm sorry about that. At the same time.
Nobody else will learn that in their house and shit themselves. I feel like shading yourself is actually more common than people admit. I'm telling you, I'm like, we've all had the time, it's just gas. Wrong. You now have the telespread. Yeah. And it was not gas.
But I'm going to chalk it up because I just had him like literally a few days before. It was back in what, 2017. I was like, I can't believe this happened. I was like, I don't remember the last time this happened. I mean, when I was an infant. Right. Totally. Even when I've been drunk, I've never shit myself. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. So I tell people all the time, you don't force love, ponytails and farts. Never, it turns out well.
Well, you don't force ponytails. No, because, you know, like some kind of ponytail. it's a little tiny one. Little tiny little, let's say a little oxtail. Well, you actually making food. Oxtail is like a little tiny little something. And it's not good for your edges. You know, it's not good for anything. Don't force love, ponytails and flatulence. The more you know.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (41:33.91)
It's just it doesn't end well for anyone. Yeah. I have to avoid that, especially with farts. Can you turn on the audio on your side a little bit? Yes, I can. Good. Good. Yes. Good. Do your kids ever ask you if you have a favorite? A favorite child? Yeah. Funny you say this, my husband and I, go through this all the time.
And parents don't want to admit it, but. I wouldn't say I have a favorite, but I have a child that I may connect more with. I like that. like that. That's a one. I love them all and they're all so different. You know, but I have. Like one I really connect with, and that's Sophia, my second. She's a lot like me. much like me. Yeah, she's definitely your mini wing.
She is. Yeah. Miss, can I get my nails done like yours and look like this? I need to pick out my prom dress. What time is prom in the fifth grade? Sophia, you're in third grade. I don't know what time your prom is. This is last night. She's like, well, you should know these things. I'm like, Sophia, you're still in third grade. I don't know what time your fifth grade prom is. And she's sitting here looking at her prom, like, well, she wants to wear for prom. Yes. Yes.
Yeah. She also had to wear a gown and the gloves to her end of the year class party this past June for second grade. I'm like, Sophia, nobody's going to be wearing that. She's like, well, they're basic and I'm not. yeah. She loves throwing that around. She's like, look at that. Did she wear heels too? Yes. Yeah, she had little, tell her anything with these little tiny black heels. She tried to wear her sandals the other day with the heels.
My Sophia, it's 33 degrees outside. It's fine. I'm just going to the bus and I'm just going right inside. I won't be cold. my God. I don't need a coat. It's going to ruin my outfit too. My Sophia, it's cold. You can't wear that. I'm really sorry. She had attitude too. I messed up her outfit that day. This is Kate. And then she's upset with me for messing up her outfit. It's not fair. This doesn't even go. It doesn't even look right. Storms off. Sophia, you can't wear that top. Your stomach is showing.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (44:01.614)
It's crop top. It's cute. But Sophia, it's not appropriate, but I like it. That's like in people in hell on ice water. Here we are. You cannot wear that. She is so much like me. She loves the makeup. She loves the fragrance. She'll come down like, ooh, I want to wear your Chanel or this or that. You would never think she would be eight years old. She's been here before. I say she's a very old soul.
She's the one I connect with the most. She's the one that'll come spend the most time with me. Drew, my oldest son, the Pisces, astronomer, he'll come down here and there with him and my oldest daughter, Sarai, she's 13. They're like recluses, kind of hermits. She's very quiet. You'll forget she's even there. You'll forget to meet her, kind of quiet. She was like that since birth. She didn't even cry when she was born.
very quiet, but Sophia, you know, she comes down. She's just, I don't know, we just click. Like I love them all very dearly. And I try to impose my will on Sarai sometimes like, you know, want to get a facial or don't you want to exist some those talents on your feet? No, I'm okay. So I have to kind of impose my will on her. She'll thank me later. I'm like, let me give you a facial because...
Pilar Lyutfalieva (45:32.622)
She'll walk around. I'm like, you don't see this unicorn horn right here? She's like, what unicorn? I'm like, okay. We know we shouldn't pop pimples and stuff, but my Sarai, it's white and it's screaming at me. It's ready. believes me. I don't think your skin can hold it in much longer. I went like literally like, know, things like that. And meanwhile, Sophia, she gets like,
Like, I'm like, it looks basically like a goose bump. That's how small the bump is. It'll be like right here. She's like, need the cream. I need it. I need to go get, I need to go to the anesthetician. We have to fix this. I'm like, fix what? Fix what? She's like, damn, you don't see this? And I'm like, get real close. And I'm like magnifying. I'm like, the tiny, tiny little bump. Like it's not tiny.
It's huge and everyone can see it. And she won't want to go to school because she had the pimple. She's eight, mind you. But my oldest, she's like, so I will go to school in a hefty bag and like not bathe for four months. I'm like, this is all fine. is fine. Sophia is the total opposite. Drew is my little astronomer. And then we have Aiden. Aiden is very close to my husband. He's my fourth.
He's very loving though. We do spend a good amount of time together. I love him dearly. We have Jason, of course. And I feel like I'm super close to him just because it's babies. know, you're really, know, they need you like I'm his food source, like I'm the fridge for him. Like, you know, I have his food on tap, you know, so I feel that some parents do have favorites, like just in general, they do have favorites. No, I love them all the same. No one's my favorite.
And I feel like there's that there's that that saying too of like, if you have no favorites. Wait, what is it if? If you have no favorites, then it's like if no one's if everyone's special, then no one's special. Yes, I've heard something like that, and it's true. And I mean, don't treat them differently, you know, at all. At least I don't. know, there are shit parents out there that do. But I love them all. Like, I love them all the same.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (47:53.164)
It's just Sophia and I connect a little bit more. And that's now, because she's only eight. Who knows in five more years, she might have me like snatching myself bald, which I totally foresee happening. And then I might become, you know, more, have a better connection with you. You know, I just try to keep her. I try to make sure I have enough time, you know, for all of them. You know, encourage that connection. Even my oldest who had this not want to set a connection. She's like, I'm fine. I'm going upstairs.
I'm okay, I'll be here. I feel like that's the age. And then when she does come down, I'm like, my gosh, I think I just saw a pig flying. Like I did, I saw it. You talking to me? She's like, yes. I'm like, do you want something? I'm like, what is this? Like, what is the meaning of this? And she just laughs. You know, she hangs out with us sometimes. But you know, I like to try to establish that connection with each of them. And you know, I have a lot of them.
You know, so that way they still all feel important and value. And that's a lot. And I always say like my main goal of parenting is to make sure that none of them end up in therapy because of me. I mean, but they're all going to like therapy is just the thing. Like it's just going to. But I mean, from like a trauma induced childhood. Right. Like the super. But I think there is that part where you have to kind of accept the fact that like. Like.
Humans are insatiable. yeah, for sure. Somebody's going to be in therapy. Yeah, it'll be there. yeah. I tell Rafa, I'm like, when you're ready, I'll pay for your therapy, because I know I have the therapy fund set aside and it's totally ready to go. I guess fine. It's totally fine. But it's just like I want to make sure they don't have like childhood trauma. You know what I mean? Like like severe.
Yeah, like severe stuff they need to heal from and that like really like impacts like their relationships and I get a bad way, you know, I just Would it make sure that they had a happy that's normal though. Yeah, that's true
Pilar Lyutfalieva (50:07.47)
In some sense I just like you know, I just I just hope they look back and just You know think that I was a good mom, you know, mean like that's you can sure all that stuff Yeah, all that I think is can all like multiple truths can exist Yeah, right. This is true Because the way you think of something they may be like, she never made time for me But in my mind, I'm like I'm making time for them. You know, I mean well and they might
appreciate you and be like, I know my mom did an amazing job, an amazing job, but also being third and dealing with my brothers and sisters, right? Like that naturally is going to create something. That's true. Right. Like it's just like take that the normal order of things of being human is like we're insatiable. Like there's always going to be something that we feel like could have been better for us.
And you know, I'm the ringleader of that one. Something that we have to me lesson. Even when we're chatting, you're like, yeah, humans, not Vanessa, are insatiable. And you know, they can always say Vanessa, but human wanting more because they're never satisfied. Vanessa, you know what they have in the moment and just happy with that and just.
appreciated Vanessa. You know, it's fine. Okay. She comes to me all the time. She comes to me all the time. It's okay. I take the lessons and it's very true. But yes, that's absolutely correct. It's like everything, know, it's subjective, right? Well, we think maybe enough might not be enough for someone else. Vanessa.
And I think that that's the real lesson that looking at a woman like you gives because you're like, it's like true resilience, you know, is how, at what point do you just accept? Right. And I feel like you did that really early on and you embraced your blessings and you can look at things as in like, my goodness, I have four kids. my God. Now I'm going to have a fifth kid.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (52:32.854)
And instead, right, you've cultivated an environment where you're asking for more kids. Yeah. I never looked at it like that. Apparently something is going on. They're happy some way somehow, right? I mean, I don't know.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (52:51.298)
I don't know what they're trying to get at. feel like, I don't know, we need to start a band or something. The McDonald's family, I don't know. Little Partridge family, just go and start playing something. I don't We need a show. I mean, there's people that have way more children than us, but they're gonna be too young. It's never a dull moment here. And that's the truth, right? There's always gonna be, like you said, it's all perspective because of what you guys are experiencing, what you guys are going through.
Like you're not the only one to have four or five kids, right? Like what's Kim K on? Is she five yet? She's on four. She's at four. I think she's gonna stop at four. I think so. Yeah. I think that was like her goal. Like she wanted four kids, I think. Yes. She has two boys and two girls. yeah. So she's an even spread, even spread. Steven, I can see that. She's very planned out, meticulous, calculated that way. If only we could all be that organized.
She's insanely organized. Well, and Courtney, or no, not Courtney. It probably is Courtney. She's the one that married Travis Barker. No, not Courtney. Chloe? Chloe, yes. She's the queen. She's OCD. really? Yeah. She's worse than Kim? Yes. She actually has like a, I think, and I won't.
course you and I are the same. Like we haven't watched the So we know about them and I heard about her. Yeah. There was a therapist who came over and opened up her fridge and everything's even color coded and organized and like even the juices. And the therapist said, what would happen if I switched these two around and she could break your fingers. She was like, honestly, she's like,
I'll just wait for you to leave and then I'll fix it. Right. She might like twitch. Yeah. She was like, it's going to bug the shit out of me, but I'm going to wait until you leave and then I'll wait. But just know that it's going to be bad. that would bug me too, because if everything is color coded and then you just take it and shove it somewhere else, it's like, why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? I do have my closet kind of color coded though. that's I, you know, I don't expect anything less. I mean, it's mostly black.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (55:19.23)
I have a light black, dark black, mid black. And don't, you know, mix match, mismatch the black. It's like, man, have a light black sweater with a dark black skirt. It's like, mm-hmm. Yeah, no. Failure. It's a failure. But yeah, I take my closet pretty seriously. My shoes, my clothes. He told me I have too many clothes. I'm like. Well, men are going to say that. It's not such thing.
because I have more than one pair of underwear, forgive me. Who? Okay. And I'm like, I was like, there's not an empty space. I'm like, we just need a bigger house to harvest my closet. I feel like if you got the house of your dreams, you would be able to, you would just start looking at like a bigger house. You know, I look at them all the time. I have a wish list.
of houses of home and I go back and I check to see if they're still available. You know expensive houses don't really sell all the time like so I'm like my home is still on the market it's been here for 40 days. know in the next year like even less than that you know the recession is gonna hit the housing market real hard. Yeah it's gonna crash yeah and I hope I'm in a space in a year to scoop that up.
Like I'm really sorry that your life has imploded and that you're selling this house with pennies on a dollar. But maybe if it's any consolation, I will be very happy here. I will make this a home. I'll make it a home. I'll send you a postcard. See what I've done with the place. And then yes, I totally would have to buy more things to fill up the closet. yeah. Lord. Obviously.
Did you watch Love is Blind? I did see the first. I think the first he's not seen its entirety. I did see some of this is the third one I just finished, right? my God. The third one is absolutely bananas. This Cole, right? Cole is one of the guys. Cole is one of the guys. Yes. And he was with Zanab. Zanab. Zanab. Zanab. Her. Lady Z. Girl. That wedding was interesting.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (57:46.254)
I was like, she waited. She went dormant. She didn't say shit from what I saw the whole time. All those episodes, like, you have broken me as a person. She was cutting shit. She did not. Just like Fruit Ninja. It was Kill Bill. He was like, The moment when he lets go of her hands, he's just like. Yes.
He was just like, have something to say. And she was, he was holding tight and she started spewing. We just prayed with God. He was like, I'm gonna take my hand. I'm gonna take this. Continue. And she was just reading him from bills. was like, wow. I was like in front of the family. mean, did you watch the, the what's it called? The regroup.
at the reunion, I saw some of it, but I don't know if I, don't think I saw the part. No, I only got up to the part where I saw that the Pilates instructor and the guy I think had, they rekindled their romance or they kept dating or something like that. That was it. I didn't get to Colin. I feel like this season, the post drama, like the post season drama, post season, have actually almost
Trumped the Drama and excitement and like of the actual season itself Yeah, cuz there was a lot to watch it now I'm gonna watch it. I really don't remember the second Season that much I did enjoy the first one and not a bad Gia Nina girl. She's actually on a different reality show now. She's new. She's a new man. Yeah, okay. Go for her not that not love guy from home
Yeah, Brody, right? was his name. That reminds me of like a knockoff homeland guy. my God. I can kind of see that. Brody? That's so... I can't like him much. Yeah, I feel like, can't imagine being in those situations and then trying to make like honest decisions. There's only... Right.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:00:11.598)
of couples where I'm like, okay, like that feels super genuine. And in fact, like SK and Raven, I actually loved them. But they were my favorite couple and they seem like the realest. Have you heard that? Have you seen any updates on them? No, I can't check their Instagram. I like to do that.
I have seen the updates and I'm trying not to spoil it for you. Let it out. I'm okay. Is she pregnant? No, the opposite. Apparently SK, who was like, to me, I was like, this dude is like the divine masculine. Like he's, you know, he's creating space for her. He's like, they didn't even have sex until afterwards. Like they just been like on the same page with each other and she, this.
goddess who's very particular and he just, and for her to bloom and they have a relationship, you know what I mean? And he's got a career and a girl.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:01:22.082)
He's been dating.
other girls.
I'm pretty sure my faith in humanity is broken. no. How could...
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:01:39.615)
Yeah.
I'm glad actually that you haven't been super inundated because it's so disappointing. It's so disappointing. And then when you watch, mean, because you watch it, you're like, this dude is so genuine. so like, my goodness. Like, wow, he's actually real. And it's like, wow. It was actually really funny because it was like the one that everyone thought was the only good one was actually the worst. Yes, that happened a lot. And I find myself getting really
invested with these couples. People I don't even know. But like, I'm just so invested, like, with their story. It's a show for them. Too hard to handle. Yes! The second season was my favorite season. really? and Emily, and Marvin and Melinda. Hold on. No, Melvin. Melvin's his name, right? Melvin? No, it is Marvin. No, Marvin. Yeah, from France. And Melinda. Cam I just feel great.
Yeah, they had season three. Season two was like the best season. my God. Yes. And Cam and Emily are still together. Really? Yes. They're together. I follow them on Instagram. are together, together. They're so candid. They have a YouTube channel together. They move into their new apartment. Like if they don't work out, I'm not going to be fine. They were together. She had an ectopic.
Pregnancy she posted about he was there with her. I will not be fine if they're not fine like Kamali I will not like she invested in us like they're meant to be together and I don't want to see with anyone else and she can't be with anyone else either like Yeah, it's it's it's definitely you know, like what like my husband he's like
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:03:40.206)
He's like, cares no more. I'm like, because you can see just when people are genuine and when people connect and you can like read their body language and you can like learn and all these things, right? Like there's just so much in there that you can just empathize with and connect with. And one of my favorite, like with SK and Raven, think one of the most underrated little 10 second scenes with them was when they were both cleaning the up.
apartment together. And it was actually really hilarious because she's there. The apartment's clean. But they're cleaning with like, later, I don't know what. And she goes, I'm going to be checking with the know, with with a black light, like you better not be skimping. And it's like, you know, like there was so they were so on the same level. Yeah, they're cleaning together, wanting everything super clean. Being on OCD about the same thing and just it's like,
cleaning like something like that. You're like, is meant to be that's all beautiful. Yeah, that's how I felt with Kevin. I'm like, look at that. It's just. Yeah, it's just. The fact that they're still together, though, it's like, feel like that's my dad getting married. That's going to be It's to be OK. It's everything is going to be fine. like. Everything will be OK. I mean, we'll be OK. I just know that as long as they together, everything will be OK.
We should maybe do like a whole other little series where we just recap on. Real live watch party girl. Yes, like while we're watching it, like giving out feedback and commentary like examine the moment. Let's do it. I do like the fashion and stuff like you know how I do. yeah, totally, totally.
And I'll support, I'll support, because I'm not good at it, but I can tell. I can be like, you have eyes? You can be subjective. You'll be the nice person. And I'll just be like, and Sophia will be like, try to. Because she always pops in.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:05:47.758)
Like, did anybody even try to do your hair? Like, girl, so this is that wig, it is stiff. Like, do you remember that thing with the Gorilla Glue girl? Like, when she Gorilla Glued her hair? my God. So when Sophia sees the stiff wig, she goes, girl, her wig is so stiff, it don't move. like she said in that video. I'm like, Sophia, it doesn't move. She's like, I know, Mom, like that's the way they said in the video. I'm like, I'm fine, go ahead. She's like,
It don't move. She's like, you see this? You see my hair? You see like the little edges and the baby hair? Where is hers? did they get that from Party City? And she just goes off on a tangent. I she will read them for the film. She will let them have it. If you want to know, ask that one. You don't trust an edgeless. Don't trust the stiff edges.
Don't try to party city wigs. Don't trust the wigs from she and she said, Julie, that they get them from she and the party city. That's so funny. I love it. So definitely should do one of those things. But we do like a live watch party. I be watching. I love it. No, this is I feel like we've just stumbled upon our destiny. I'm for it. Definitely. All right, girl, this is fun. I know you got to go. I do. And I don't feel like.
I have to shit myself out of nervousness anymore. It's great. Are you able to trim down my arms? Like you should just roll. Thing in that's happened. Hold on. No, during this entire time, I've been going like, she's always complaining about her weight. You look skinny. Like your arm black. No, I'm talking about your arms too. no, do you see the back of the elbows? Like you know, the elbow fat here. I like how you just have to like emphasize.
It's like that fat southern mama that can cook and bake and they have like that roll. That looks strong. It's okay. I think I'm about to hike a football, but it's all right. I'm working on this new FODMAP diet. My stomach doesn't hurt today. I'm getting this situated. Girl, it's all about the FODMAP diet. I really think I have IBS. And I realized that after we had dinner the other night and my stomach was hurting when I had something, I had like the mashed potatoes and cream spinach. It was like
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:08:06.668)
really unhappy because during that day, throughout the day, I didn't really eat anything that was considered like high FODMAPS. I'm like kind of checking just to see and I'm like, I'm bloated and it hurts. Right. But I don't know if that's going to make me change completely because
The low FODMAP diet is like, it's a game changer. It's heavenly, but then it's good about a low. It's like, once you do low FODMAP for a while, you can start to slowly introduce normal foods. Yeah. I'm gonna need some of that stuff. Yeah. I'm gonna need that. I'm gonna need that. I'll just take a laxative. I'm gonna that. Girl, that was me all freaking.
weekend. was just like, and of course, all we got on Thanksgiving was Russian food, which is like all high-fot. You got cabbage, you got pickle, you got onions. It's right. That's my favorite foods. Of course. And I'm sitting there going, I'm eating too fast. I'm trying to keep up with my husband because he's all excited. He's like, and we're food. my God. I was like, this is not good. I could already, it just wasn't even going down.
Like I could feel it stomach. It was like, I know it even make it to my intestine yet. And all my cyst hurts and I'm already starting to bloat. This is going to be a problem. I'm just going to drink some tea and take some Swiss Chris. It's okay. Swiss Chris will save me every time. Chris will save me. Chris Chris. It's Swiss Chris. It's St. Swiss Chris. Like I have an altar with Swiss Chris. It's totally fine. was St. Swiss Chris and St. expedite. Just put it together. Just expedite the Swiss Chris. Like it works. That's it.
my god, I can see you with the incense. It's like this was so much fun. It's what's fun. I know you gotta run. Okay, I love you. You're amazing. We're gonna do. yeah, it's just like the readings divine light. Take it in. I'm taking these affirmations. Send them back my way. I accept. You're amazing. You're awesome. You are perfect. You are worthy. You are worthy. I love when you say that you are worth it. accept. You're like damn straight.
Pilar Lyutfalieva (01:10:19.278)
feel like it's good to hear it. Good to hear it. I'm gonna have my little backdrop set up. I'll be a fish you next time. I like it. like it. yeah. No, we're gonna do this. It's gonna be it's gonna be real good next time. All right, girl. I love you and I'll talk to you later. Okay. Bye. Love you, too