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A refreshing and clear review of each Parsha in the Torah presented by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe
0:03 You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Parsha Review Podcast.
0:11 Welcome back, everybody, to another installment of the Parsha Review Podcast. This week's Parsha is Parsha's Chaye Sara. So we know that the beginning of this week's portion, we learn that Sarah passed away. She lived for 100 years and 20 years and 7 years.
0:28 And the Talmud goes through and all of the commentaries explain why does it need to be said like that. But we have an amazing story that follows that. And that is, Abraham is looking for a plot to bury her. And he goes to Hebron.
0:46 And he negotiates. Now, if you open up a Talmud, the Talmud says that how do we know how a wife is acquired? Okay. How do we know about the word acquisition? So the Talmud says we learn it from Abraham, that Abraham acquired the property from Ephron.
1:07 He acquired the property, and just like we see acquisition here, we see acquisition here. In marriage, he buys the rights to his wife's...
1:19 commitment, so to speak, or to her being only married to him. That's what she doesn't acquire. She's not a piece of a vegetable. She's not a fruit.
1:30 She's not an object. He buys the rights to her exclusivity. So now she's only married to him. Okay, that's what he acquires.
1:38 So to go through, it's like, this is, where's the example? The example is from Stéphron. Stéphron. Now let's look at this.
1:48 field of Ephron. That Ephron sold the field to Abraham. Now let me ask you a question. If there was ever a scam in the history of mankind, it would be the scam of the purchase of the land of Ephron.
2:02 And this is the source of what is... It's like you look at this and you're like, what? That is your... Again, it's like, that's what we're learning about marriage.
2:18 We learn about the acquisition of the exclusivity of marriage from the field of Ephron. What happened in Ephron? So Abraham comes to Ephron, he says, I want to purchase the field so I can bury my wife. So he says, between me and you, what is it?
2:35 It's nothing. Go. He says, no, no, no, I want to buy it. Do you want to buy it? Nah, just take it.
2:41 No, no, I want to buy it. He says, no problem. You know what? Give me 400 coins.
2:50 400 gold coins. Like imagine, I say, how much is the lollipop? You're like, just take the lollipop. It's fine.
2:55 Take the lollipop. No, no, no, no. I want to pay for it. Okay, you know what? It's $3,000.
3:00 Like this is not what I got. It's like, it's imagine. And what does Abraham do? He gives the 400 coins and that's it.
3:07 And he buries his wife. He buries Sarah. This is a scam. This is a scam.
3:14 How could this be? the source that links us to understanding about marriage. There's got to be something to this which teaches us something unique about marriage. So I heard this idea from the chief rabbi of Be'er Sheva, Rabbi Derry.
3:33 He was here in Houston and he said this beautiful idea. He said the reason why our sages bring this as the example for us to learn about marriage. is because look at how each party responded to the acquisition. They were both thrilled.
3:52 They were both thrilled. Abraham is so excited. He says, yeah, I overpaid, but I'm so excited that I can bury my wife, my beloved Sarah, in this treasured land. What is the other guy, Ephron, the scoundrel?
4:07 He's so
4:07 happy. Look at me. I got
4:09 my 400 gold coins.
4:13 Every side felt like they got the better half of the deal. And in marriage specifically, every side needs to feel that they got the better half of the deal. It is so fundamental in how we look at marriage. Sometimes couples will come, and I've sat with a number of them, unfortunately or fortunately.
4:43 They come and they're complaining. My wife doesn't do this. My husband doesn't do that. He's a good for nothing.
4:49 She's a good for nothing. Each one has their own perspective on what the other is not doing to cover their responsibilities. The Torah teaches us, you have to realize how blessed you do have it. And I think it goes even more than that.
5:07 When you are focused in your relationship about the flaws, it's going to be flawed. When you're focused in your relationship about the blessing, you'll see how blessed you are. And not only that, it will bring about that that relationship will flourish. The way in which you approach it is the way in which it will perform.
5:31 When you approach it and you say, you know what? I know she's having a tough day. I know she hasn't cooked dinner in six months. But you know what?
5:37 I love you. And you're so beautiful. And you're so perfect. And you're so incredible.
5:42 You know what that does? That builds a person up. And by the way, it's not only about marriage. It's also about raising our children.
5:48 It's education. There are parents who can fight with their children all day. I got a phone call last week. I was overseas.
5:55 I get a phone call. He says to me, a friend of mine, he calls me. He says, I saw this person was fighting with his child. Fighting with his child.
6:07 What do we do? I was like, why are people fighting with their children? Why? It's because we're picking on the flaws.
6:16 We're picking on their deficiencies. Point out their qualities. See how great they are. Show them.
6:23 Let them believe in themselves. But no, people prefer to fight. So you know what you're going to get? You're going to get a fight.
6:32 But when you see the goodness, you're going to get the goodness. You know, it's an amazing thing. I saw this when we checked in for our flight. So, you know, you have those people at the counters when you check in your baggage.
6:48 They have the people like, sir, your bag is supposed to be 50 pounds. It's 50.1. Please take out 0.1 pounds out of your bag. You know, you'll have those sticklers who will do that.
7:00 But then I realized something. I realized something really incredible, and that is that when you come there and you're kind and you're friendly and you put it on the scale and it's 52 pounds, you're like, oh, perfect, perfect, this 52, that's excellent, right? They're going to have a much harder time saying, sir, you need to take out two pounds, right? You're like, I thought it was going to be 58, this 52, it's great, it's so great.
7:32 is they can't, you can't fight with positivity. You can't fight. And I saw the struggle the woman had with those few bags that were a little bit overweight. Like, because I was like, oh, that's great.
7:44 I thought it was going to be 60 pounds. It's only 51 and a half. It's like, great. She would have been a stickler for it, but she couldn't, you can't fight the positivity.
7:53 When you tell your child that they're awesome, they're going to be awesome. When you tell them that they are so smart, they're going to be smart. When you tell them that they're going to be able to succeed in basketball and they're going to be able to succeed on the test, they're going to work
8:10 harder to succeed.
8:12 But when you're negative, it's going to be all negative. And they're not going to be able to believe in themselves. And they're going to go the opposite way. What we see from Abraham and what we see from the whole transaction of stay Ephraim, of the acquisition of the land, is that both sides felt that they got the better part of the deal.
8:39 Abraham, he said he was going to give it free.
8:42 And now he stole, he gave, he charged you an extraordinary amount of money.
8:48 But you know what? Abraham says, but I got to bury my wife in my desired land. He saw that he got the better part of the deal. He saw the good in it.
8:58 You know what? Ephron goes back to his family and they're like, I told him he can have her free, but then I ended up charging him like an insane amount and
9:05 he paid it. I got the better half of the deal. What's that land? What is
9:09 it? Everyone felt they got the better half of the deal. We always need to feel and... Infuse the environment around us with that positivity.
9:22 I got the better half of the deal.
9:25 And when we do that, indeed, we
9:28 will get the better half of the deal. This is the key. I thought it was such an important thing for us to draw out of this week's Torah portion. Don't sit there with regret.
9:39 Oh, if I would have invested, if I would have done this. No, no, no. You got the better half of the deal. We have to remind ourselves this constantly. My dear friends, have an amazing Shabbos.
9:51 You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by Torch, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.