The Loneliness Epidemic: Identifying the Problem Affecting 94% of Young Moms [Part 1]

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If you've ever felt completely alone as a young mother, you are not imagining it, and you are not the only one. We are in a loneliness epidemic. 

In this episode, we have an open and honest conversation about this problem facing young mothers today. Backed by real statistics and rooted in scripture, we'll name what so many moms are quietly carrying and gently remind you that your longing for connection is not weakness. It is actually pointing you to God and to others.

Episode Highlights

00:00 Introduction and listener responses on loneliness
03:00 The loneliness epidemic statistics
07:00 Loneliness vs. social isolation
09:15 Technology and individualism
12:30 How Satan uses loneliness
15:45 R.A.C.E.
19:00 Closing prayer

Please send us your questions if you'd like to have them discussed on the podcast: [e-mail]

Creators and Guests

Host

Diane Doucet Matthews

Wife of Elder, Fellowship Bible Church

Host

Leslie Dudley Corbell

Childhood Services Specialist, Arkansas State

Producer

Daniel Matthews

Rockwell Productions Owner & Operator

What is The Mind of a Child?

The Mind of a Child is an early child development podcast that exists to encourage and equip parents to raise their kids to love God and love others. If you're looking for Biblical principles, practical parenting solutions, and science-backed research, our discussions are specifically tailored for you. Our hosts are Leslie Dudley Corbell and Diane Doucet Matthews, who each have a combined 50+ years of experience in the early child parenting space.

The Mind of a Child is produced by Rockwell Productions (www.rockwell-productions.com).

[00:00:00] Leslie Corbell: Hello, I'm Leslie Dudley Corbell. And I'm Diane Doucet Matthews. Welcome to The Mind of a Child

[00:00:14] Leslie Corbell: We're so glad y'all joined us today. Gonna talk a little bit more about some of these ideas that some moms have about loneliness and feeling lonely- Mm-hmm ... and seeking s- social outings, and what that really means to them. And we just thought, "You know, yeah, we need to go a little bit deeper on that." Some of the questions centered around moms being lonely,

[00:00:33] Diane Matthews: uh, needing a social life, church involvement, and even distractions, so we're gonna talk a lot about all those.

[00:00:39] Diane Matthews: And is loneliness really an epidemic in America with young moms at home? So we're gonna dig a little bit deeper in that.

[00:00:47] Leslie Corbell: There were some comments, having a social outlet for most moms of young kids is a lifeline. There's a fine line between having too much of a social life and then making your kids your social life.

[00:00:58] Leslie Corbell: Mm-hmm. And there is, and that's [00:01:00] not what we're talking about either. Some moms can't give up their kids as adults because they didn't invest themselves in anything besides motherhood. Yeah. And that's not what we're talking about either.

[00:01:09] Diane Matthews: Yeah. Loneliness is a risk factor for dementia and early death. I had never heard that before.

[00:01:16] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm. That's real interesting. 80% of moms feel like they don't have social support and are suffering from it, and that some moms, their moms just were totally enmeshed in their lives, so they don't wanna do that. Mm-hmm. So it, they, they're stepping out even more. Kind of similar to what

[00:01:33] Leslie Corbell: you're saying, that their mom didn't have a social life, and so then later in her life she, um, was

[00:01:38] Diane Matthews: lonely.

[00:01:39] Diane Matthews: Yeah. And so it's, it's made her, like we said, step out and have more of a social life. Mm-hmm. So yeah, it was real good to hear all the different comments.

[00:01:47] Leslie Corbell: You can be in a crowded room and still feel very lonely.

[00:01:51] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:01:52] Leslie Corbell: social life itself isn't going to always fill that need. Mm-hmm. And so we're gonna explore that a little deeper today too.

[00:01:59] Leslie Corbell: Our [00:02:00] heart really is to encourage women to find a community of faith and to, as you talk about in that last episode, the priorities that we have. Mm. Yeah. God, family, community. And so a lot of our heart is trying to help moms find that balance of what it is they're longing for and what it is God has sent them, what is truly fulfilling.

[00:02:25] Leslie Corbell: We do need one another, just, just like you have said.

[00:02:28] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:02:29] Leslie Corbell: Yeah, we do. We are more than moms. We're sisters, daughters, wives, friends, Bible study leaders. We are, we are many things. And so it's just finding that balance of what it is to be a mom today.

[00:02:44] Diane Matthews: Yeah, and I think what we felt was the real, um, pull back and forth with the women that we heard from, you know, what's the balance?

[00:02:53] Diane Matthews: And there's wise choices that need to be made. And, and it's really hard in today's world. You [00:03:00] know? There's a lot of lies out there. There's a lot of, um, different emotions that are pulling distractions that we're gonna talk about too. So yeah, priorities are, are important, you know, to think through that, talking to wise counsel and your husband.

[00:03:16] Diane Matthews: Yeah, we're gonna visit a lot of that, but the priorities that you mentioned, that, that's an important framework. But loneliness, there was, um, a big test from the, uh, National Institute on Aging that found out that chronic, I'm gonna read this, that chronic loneliness increases a person's development, uh, or a person's risk for developing dementia by 31%, which really shocked me.

[00:03:42] Diane Matthews: Mm. I had no idea. And then the reason is it triggers that fight, flight, uh, response in the body and then the, the, the body is just flooded with cortisol. And then your, um, your inflammation goes up, and then your brain, [00:04:00] you know, shuts down. Mm. The neurons aren't developed, the new ones. And so it's just amazing what loneliness can do to us as individuals.

[00:04:09] Leslie Corbell: Yeah, 'cause you're right, 'cause we, we are spiritual beings in a physical body, so our physical body does respond to loneliness. But I think that kinda gets us going to, what even is loneliness? Mm-hmm. Let's talk about a definition of loneliness. It's subjective, would be one thing that I would pull into a definition of loneliness.

[00:04:27] Leslie Corbell: It's not one thing that's true for all people. It's very much based on your perception of your circumstances right now. It's almost a disconnect between maybe the connections that you would like to have versus the connections you seem to have.

[00:04:46] Diane Matthews: Yes.

[00:04:46] Leslie Corbell: Or that you perceive to have. Maybe that's a better word.

[00:04:48] Diane Matthews: Well, and like, I, I, I've looked it up 'cause I wanted to know exactly what are- Mm-hmm ... or the medical, what's the medical profession saying about loneliness? And I like the [00:05:00] line that they drew between social i- isolation and loneliness. Social isolation is, you know, you can be around a lot of people, or just social isolation is just being around just a few people.

[00:05:14] Diane Matthews: I, I think of the elderly a lot of times. They just isolate and they may see, you know, just maybe one or two people a week. That's, that's isolation, social isolation. Loneliness is that painful, subjective feeling of being disconnected. I think that's the word. Mm-hmm. The disconnection, and that's what, um, like moms feel, or the unmarried seem to feel it more than married people, just that disconnection, and I've always...

[00:05:43] Diane Matthews: I've said this so many times. We as Christians, we can feel lonely, but we're not alone if we have a relationship with God.

[00:05:54] Leslie Corbell: We kept talking about, "Well, I wanna find some statistics." Yes. Because, you know, is there an epidemic of [00:06:00] loneliness? Is there not? What does it look like? What's a snapshot of the way people feel?

[00:06:04] Leslie Corbell: And so I did a random Google search, and I did not look into any of these statistics to see their method or who they- Yeah. Mm. Mm ... who they interviewed or anything like that. But I just wanted to get a snapshot that someone used to capture loneliness. So I'm gonna read them. I printed them out. What stood out to me is that these were some studies that focused on moms.

[00:06:26] Leslie Corbell: Yes. Because they pointed out that there's a lot of research about people in general, different age groups, but not a lot about moms, either postnatal or, or ch- mothers of children under the age of five In this study, it found that 66% to 82% of mothers experience frequent loneliness or isolation after having children.

[00:06:49] Leslie Corbell: They also went on to say that 69% of mothers report feeling mom loneliness at some point, compared to 62% of fathers.

[00:06:58] Diane Matthews: Now, I wondered if, if, 'cause when [00:07:00] I read that, I thought, well, yeah, dads are normally- Mm-hmm ... going out to work and, you know, moms stay home- Yeah ... right after they have their baby, so, you know, interesting.

[00:07:07] Leslie Corbell: But, but that's really close. Yeah. 69%- Still is ... 62%, that's not a great, great deal of difference. Yeah, that's

[00:07:12] Diane Matthews: true.

[00:07:13] Leslie Corbell: Uh, 73% of mothers feel lonely at least a few times each month. 94% of mothers are affected by loneliness overall according to recent advocacy and parenting reports. So I think we can see there's a general prevalence.

[00:07:26] Diane Matthews: And they're high.

[00:07:27] Leslie Corbell: They're high.

[00:07:28] Diane Matthews: I mean, yeah. Yeah. And then the lacking support. Yeah. 50% of mothers cry weekly because they lack, lack a strong support system. 70% feel like they are parenting alone. 75% to 77% feel they have less of community, of a community village than their mothers or grandmothers- Mm-hmm

[00:07:50] Diane Matthews: did before.

[00:07:50] Leslie Corbell: And I would say that's true, Diane. Oh, yeah. In, in terms of the responses and comments that we get and direct messages that we get from- Yes ... young moms out there, that there are a lot of moms who [00:08:00] are feeling that loss.

[00:08:01] Diane Matthews: Only 14% live near family, even though 65% want internat- uh, international Intergenerational help.

[00:08:11] Leslie Corbell: Yeah.

[00:08:12] Diane Matthews: You know, that was me. I didn't have any family here. Did you? Wendy? I did not. Yeah.

[00:08:16] Leslie Corbell: None.

[00:08:17] Diane Matthews: And nearly 90% rely, this is scary, rely on- Mm ... digital connections instead of face-to-face support. Hey, real quick, I wanna let you know that Leslie and I made something that we wish we had as young moms. It's a daily prayer calendar with a character trait, a scripture, and a prayer that you can recite over your children, your family, and yourself.

[00:08:46] Diane Matthews: All you have to do is go to the show description below, click where it says prayer calendar, answer a few questions, and we'll send it over to you absolutely free. We know that prayer changes things, [00:09:00] and we're praying that this gift does the same for you

[00:09:07] Leslie Corbell: And we're not interacting face to face as much anymore. We're in a waiting room and we're on our phones. We're not talking to the person next to us.

[00:09:14] Diane Matthews: I read something, uh, recently that we pick up our phone, like, every two minutes- Mm-hmm ... to check it during the day. Every two minutes.

[00:09:22] Leslie Corbell: And then this was a troubling or concerning part where they pointed out high-risk groups.

[00:09:27] Leslie Corbell: 77% of single parents struggle with chronic loneliness. 70% of parents raising a child with significant physical or health needs report isolation. And up to 43% of young mothers under age 30 feel lonely all of the time. Oh, yeah. That would... That's a troubling number.

[00:09:47] Diane Matthews: Yeah, so what causes... I mean, we're just- Mm-hmm

[00:09:49] Diane Matthews: talking about causes of loneliness. Yeah. We touched on the technology. Yes. Um, but what are some other things?

[00:09:56] Leslie Corbell: And you had some statistics that talked about [00:10:00] 73% of people that were surveyed. Now, this is are some separate surveys. Mm-hmm. These are not the same surveys. Yeah, this is different, yeah. But 73% of the people who reported loneliness pointed to technology as- Yeah

[00:10:10] Leslie Corbell: being one of the drivers.

[00:10:11] Diane Matthews: Yeah, they felt like that was- Mm-hmm ... the, that was it. And insufficient time with family. And, you know, we were just talking about- Mm-hmm ... living away from family. Even though we have, you know, FaceTime and I don't know if people do Zoom as much anymore, but we have all the, the technology- Mm-hmm

[00:10:28] Diane Matthews: to talk, but it's not that face to face. Right. I thought that this

[00:10:32] Leslie Corbell: was really interesting that having no religious or spiritual life- Was chosen by 50% of the people who participate in the surveys.

[00:10:44] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:10:44] Leslie Corbell: And so I think that's an important statistic.

[00:10:48] Diane Matthews: I mean, that's huge. That's gonna be a big one. Yeah. And another, living in a society that is so, or they said too individualized.

[00:10:57] Diane Matthews: We live real selfishly. Mm-hmm. You know, that [00:11:00] it's just all about me instead of the teamwork. I think of, this is kind of a random thought, but like- Mm ... other countries, they do things in team, teamwork, where we're much more individual- Mm ... even in business. You know, it's more individualized than team.

[00:11:17] Leslie Corbell: That's a good point, because I mean, when we think about American society, that's one of the pictures of American society.

[00:11:21] Leslie Corbell: We're very individualistic.

[00:11:23] Diane Matthews: Yes.

[00:11:23] Leslie Corbell: We follow our path- Yeah ... that we think. You know, we hear that in the media a lot.

[00:11:27] Diane Matthews: Yeah.

[00:11:28] Leslie Corbell: Uh, we do the things that we, we reach, we work for our goals, we live our life- And we're- ... live our truth.

[00:11:33] Diane Matthews: And we're responsible for ourselves.

[00:11:35] Leslie Corbell: Yeah.

[00:11:36] Diane Matthews: You know, instead of for a group or, yeah, for

[00:11:39] Leslie Corbell: each

[00:11:40] Diane Matthews: other.

[00:11:40] Leslie Corbell: That- Yeah ... that can definitely lead to isolation and loneliness.

[00:11:44] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm, yeah. Mm-hmm. Which can lead to even more loneliness. So we definitely are dealing with loneliness in our society. Did we quote the, that the US Surgeon General officially [00:12:00] declared loneliness a public health epidemic, with about half of US adults responding measurable levels of loneliness?

[00:12:09] Diane Matthews: So that kind of groups all of this together. They have identified it as an epidemic. Mm-hmm. So all the things we've said, bottom line, yes, it's an epidemic in the United States. So when we feel lonely, what should we do? I think

[00:12:25] Leslie Corbell: that one thing about loneliness is that it, it can, like we said, it's subjective.

[00:12:30] Leslie Corbell: It's based on our perception of our circumstances, maybe a perception of, again, the connections we wish we had th- versus the connections that we have. So however, obviously there is some level of, of reality to it that that is people's experience right now. Mm-hmm. And so we wanna talk about that a little bit, and then we're gonna really go into it more in part two of this exploration of the idea.

[00:12:57] Leslie Corbell: But when we feel lonely, [00:13:00] we are, it by definition then, since it's subjective, I'm focusing on my experience of this moment right now. Right. And the more I focus on my experiences of this moment right now, the more that does become my reality. Mm-hmm. And it can, at that moment, with all that cortisol flooding into my system, as you're saying, overwhelm me and cause me to look even more inward, and also

[00:13:26] Diane Matthews: isolate myself more.

[00:13:28] Diane Matthews: We're, while we're recording right now, there's a lawnmower right outside our window. So if you hear some rumbling, that's what's going on. But Leslie, this is great.

[00:13:36] Leslie Corbell: Well,

[00:13:37] Diane Matthews: well, we're not alone right now,

[00:13:38] Leslie Corbell: right? Yes,

[00:13:38] Diane Matthews: please keep going. We've got a- We're not- We've got,

[00:13:39] Leslie Corbell: we've got a neighbor

[00:13:40] Diane Matthews: outside. Yeah, we're not alone.

[00:13:43] Leslie Corbell: But yeah, I can start... You know, the more I look in- inward at myself and my experience- Mm ... I can start being more isolated and lonely. I mean, if the enemy, if Satan can get us off mission, off task- Mm-hmm ... what we are here to do, he [00:14:00] will consider that a win, right? Right. Because now I'm more vulnerable. Now I can, might start feeling more anxiety.

[00:14:05] Leslie Corbell: I think moms, young moms can start feeling more anxiety just because they're starting to feel less supported, less connected to others. They might feel worry, sense of worry might go up. Depression might go up.

[00:14:18] Diane Matthews: Yeah, doubt. Uh, you start comparing yourself. I mean, and then throw in technology and... Yeah, there's a lot.

[00:14:26] Diane Matthews: I wanted to read the scripture. Yeah, yeah. Uh, th- this one's pretty interesting. 1 Peter 5:8, "Be sober-minded, be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around, uh, like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." You know? Mm-hmm. And I've seen, at church, they've showed the video of a lion waiting until the prey is off to themselves, and when they're off to themselves, then they'll go and attack them.

[00:14:52] Diane Matthews: Well, and that's like us. That's what the enemy wants to get us off to ourselves. Mm. And then just dropping [00:15:00] lies into our heads and our minds. I mean, we know that we're supposed to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Our mind's the battleground, so when we start thinking all these lies, all that floods in when we're by ourselves and when we don't have people to encourage us and, uh, speak the truth, or we're not even in the Word, and it's so easy to do, to do that, to just pull away.

[00:15:25] Diane Matthews: We need others, but it's so easy when you feel lonely, and then I know for me personally- When I don't feel good about myself, I don't wanna be around people. I mean, that's when I- Mm-hmm ... wanna pull away, and I just, it makes it worse.

[00:15:42] Leslie Corbell: I can think for me, speaking personally, whenever I feel overwhelmed by my- Mm.

[00:15:47] Leslie Corbell: Maybe I, maybe there is a lot on me. I am busy. I have so many things that I'm doing during the day that require my immediate attention. Mm. And maybe I don't have as much time or opportunity to do things with [00:16:00] other people because I am so busy. And the moment that I can shift my perspective from being, rather than being inward and thinking, "Oh, I have all this to do.

[00:16:10] Leslie Corbell: Oh, I'm so busy. Oh, these other people went and did that lesson, and I wasn't able to go. I can never go do stuff. I'm always alone." "I'm so busy. I'm so overwhelmed. Why won't anyone help me? I don't have any support." Mm-hmm. I can think those thoughts all the time, but the moment I take those thoughts and direct them into thankfulness-

[00:16:26] Diane Matthews: Mm

[00:16:26] Leslie Corbell: and I know I will h- have time to do things with other people later. Right. I will see someone on Sunday when I go to church. You know, to me, it's something as simple- Mm ... as that, is our first step.

[00:16:37] Diane Matthews: Yeah, and sometimes it's hard to do it on our own. Mm-hmm. That's why we need others. I think it's Hebrews 3:13, "Encourage one another daily, least you become hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."

[00:16:48] Diane Matthews: And you think, well, deceitfulness of sin sounds so, you know, terrible. But it's just that- Mm ... being caught up and just swept away in those, that... I, I think of, of it [00:17:00] almost like a snowball effect. Mm-hmm. Because when you were talking about it, I can just feel that feeling. Even just yesterday morning, I, I woke up, and it was like I had so many things to do, and my mind just started racing.

[00:17:11] Diane Matthews: And that snowball effect, before I even knew it, I was, like, anxious, a ball of anxiety. It was like, "Okay, no, no, no. Time out. I need to stop and write down these feelings and what I'm thinking and the things I have to do." And Hank helped me. He prayed for me, my husband. Mm-hmm. And just, he encouraged me. So I think the accountability of other people, even when we can't do it ourselves- Mm-hmm

[00:17:37] Diane Matthews: is so necessary to bring us to God for us. I think of that story of, um, when Jesus was talking to the people inside of a house, and there was a sick person. And remember the friends came and put a hole in the roof and brought their friend down? Because he couldn't. You know, so we need our friends- Yeah

[00:17:54] Diane Matthews: sometimes to do that for us. There's definitely purposes for loneliness, for us to [00:18:00] run to God and to run to others when we can, but sometimes we can't even do it on our own. Mm-hmm. We need others to help us. One thing I thought of when we feel lonely, the acrostic RACE. Oh, no, we've debated about this. Is it called an acrostic or a- Acronym

[00:18:15] Diane Matthews: acronym? I- There's- We, we go back and forth about this. I've already forgotten. I've al- And we look it up, and then we come back, and we still say, "What is it?" But RACE, R-A-C-E. Uh, remember it's normal. A, admit that you need God's presence. You need to be in the presence of God. C, uh, community. Church is designed to help one another.

[00:18:38] Diane Matthews: And then E, encourage others who are lonely. That really helps me when I think, "Okay, God has a purpose for all of us, and maybe today is a purpose to encourage somebody else that's lonely."

[00:18:52] Leslie Corbell: We've hinted at some of the purposes of loneliness, what that purpose might be, and the role of community, so we're gonna explore [00:19:00] that in the next episode

[00:19:06] Diane Matthews: Lord, thank you for reminding us that, uh, loneliness is there in us and, uh, wanting to consume us, but you are so much bigger and stronger, and you want us to depend on you, and you have even designed your church and your people to, uh, help us and help one another to be a body of believers that love one another and help each other and glorify you.

[00:19:40] Diane Matthews: And so Lord, we thank you for the reminder today. We pray for people out there right now that are feeling lonely, Lord, that you would help them move and reach out to you and others, and that you would heal that loneliness in their heart, and we pray all this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

[00:19:59] Leslie Corbell: [00:20:00] Thanks for listening.

[00:20:01] Leslie Corbell: Check out our Instagram at themindofachildpod, or you can email us at [e-mail]