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Join me for an expansive journey of coaching, conversation, and guided meditation as we unpack what it means to heal and step into your power.
What's up? Beautiful humans, Abigail Moss, here i'm here to share with you guys a personal journey today, a journey that has been seven years in the making, for me almost eight, and it is one that had brought me the biggest heartache and the biggest freedom all at the same time, and this is my journey of healing, my body, not knowing what the hell was going on for most of the last seven years and just recently getting clear, and what I did with that clarity and how I worked with it to heal myself and get my life back. My journey is not all done and tied up in a beautiful bow, but I have come so so far from where I began and I'm so grateful and I know I'm going to continue on this path of healing and feeling so much better.
So this is for everyone out there who has or is struggling with a chronic condition, be that physical, mental, emotional or life situation that you've felt stuck in for a long time. I want to share this with you with the intention that it will help to inspire you to realize just how powerful you are and that the most profound, deepest medicine that exists is inside of you. It's simply a matter of recognizing it, unlocking it, believing in it, and this is my journey of doing all of that. So I'm going to take you back to almost eight years ago now, when I went back to Peru. I'd been there two years prior to my first time experiencing Ayahuasca, the Master Plant. The plant teacher that woke me up, opened my heart, helped me to release so much pain, showed me a world of magic and aliveness that I would never be the same after and ever since I had gone two years earlier. There was nothing I wanted more than to go back. So I had gone back and this time I was staying for longer instead of a week. I was staying for two months and I would be volunteering as a photographer, capturing the moments and the magic, which was super fun for my artist's soul and as a facilitator to support people on their healing journey, to support the guests and their experiences with the Shamans, helping people with whatever they needed in and out of ceremony. And it was amazing and beautiful and profound and way more than I was ready for or could even have expected, because I had no idea what to expect beyond magic, because that's what I had found the first time I went there.
So I got there and I had posted after a few weeks I had posted a photo of my legs on facebook because they were eaten alive. I must have had over 200 bites all over my legs and I had not prepared with proper essential oils and loose fitting baggy clothes to protect my skin and I just got chewed up. And one of the women who owned the retreat said, oh, this is your jungle initiation and I thought, well, I guess that sounds like a good thing, and I had heard stories of other people saying they had different issues, different, you know, things happened to them in the jungle and that was their jungle initiation.
My initiation lasted the whole first of two months, where I was just being devoured by all of these insects and, I'm sure, wakened and whatever else that were eating my flesh. But it was definitely a challenging part of the experience and it did go away. After about a month, the mosquitos and the bug started attacking the new people that joined and I guess how climatized my energy had shifted. Maybe my blood flavour had shifted a combination of things, but I had become someone that belonged in the jungle for that second month because I was no longer being attacked the way that I was the first month, towards the end of my time there, my very profound, beautiful, magical time for which I will probably speak about more on other episodes. But today, when I keep it to this healing journey I've been on with my body. So towards the end of my time there I had gotten sick, flew fever, food poisoning type symptoms and I did recover. But when I got home I noticed my digestion.
It just was not what it used to be. I was more sensitive to different. Things wasn't working as well and it just kind of got progressively worse year after year after having gotten home and with that I was getting progressively more and more tired, more and more anemic, and it just really became a struggle and I did try to find help. What the problem was, I didn't know what help to look for. So I had worked with my family doctor. He could find nothing wrong with me.
I had worked with different alternative health practitioners and they didn't know what was up, and I eventually found a functional gut health clinic online, bellalindemann.com, and they were really really good. I've been working with this woman for a year now. They started last year and she helped me do more thorough testing, called a map test. And there we found Hilary and and we've been working with diet and herbs to gradually shift these. But I was still very, very tired and the symptoms were kind of persistent and she didn't know what the tiredness was coming from.
But I did have this question she'd given me for the root cause of Cibo, because CBO is symptomatic condition where bacteria kind of crawl up from the large intestine to the small intestine and hang out where they don't belong. And that happens because there's some sort of issue with the motility in your track, and so something has caused that to not work, be that some other infection or an injury or something else going on. And in that question there was something that asked: do you have? And I had worked with one practitioner the year prior and she had something called bio meridian scanning, that it takes a hair sample and it tests the energy in it to give a reading on different infections and sensitivities and conditions happening in the body.
And one of the things that it tests for is lime. Now this is not a 100% system by any means, but that practitioner had suggested I do a lime test where I send bloodwork to Germany, where they can test for it and find it because a lot of the clinics, if they're not highly specialized, it's only about 50% accuracy rate, so people can get a false negative diagnosis. I had originally thought I don't want to do this. I don't have lime. The test is really expensive, it's like $800 and I just was really resistant to doing it at that time a year ago. But I saw that in the question and I thought you know what. Maybe I should do this and we got the test one and it came back with the results fairly quickly that we're positive for me now. At this point I had already started feeling better. So in the past year, about five months ago, I started going to hot yoga because the fatigue was so profound and my functional gut specialist she recommended that I do some yoga and so I thought, oh my god, with what energy will I do yoga? But I did find a hot yoga studio near me and I really love hot yoga and they had a lot of classes, which are the lie down, resting, sleepy time kind of yoga where you hold a pose for a long time. It's gentler and it goes deeper into the milpas and it goes deep into the tissues to release tension. So it's more of a restorative practice than the intense flowty classes can be.
So I've been going to yoga and while I was going to yoga I have been doing a lot of inner healing. So I would go to this. What would become my ritual of this room? With a beautiful energy, with darkly lit candle light, music, playing, warmth, radiating and I would lie there and I would be opening up my body, releasing tension and allowing my heart to feel. I would drop into my heart, into different things happening in my body, into my spirit and from that place I use the tools that I teach my students to connect with my inner child and bring healing to her, to connect with my past lives, bring healing to them and learn from other aspects of myself in those past lives who brought healing to me and speaking with my spirit guides and my higher self, my soul, and going on these incredible visionary shamanic journeys, I would just drop into them in yoga class and I would cry and cry and cry and release and release and release all of the stuff that had been held in my body throughout the years, throughout many lifetimes. And as I did this I started feeling a little better. I started getting a little more energy until eventually went to on yoga class that I thought was another class. It was on a different day. I wasn't normally available but I went to this class and I was excited. I was lying down before the class began and I was excited to start my cozy, relaxing ritual of the teacher, walked in and tried the lights up bright and started yelling at everybody.
And the way that they talk when they teach is through yelling. It turned out it was not a-class it was what is called traditional baptist yoga, which is a very set form of sequences, and they were like drills that were being yelled to us. It was very, very hard, but I did my best to keep up, which was poorly, and sweat my. But through that class and I did all these poses and I twisted my body and I did all of these things and I was thinking, oh my god, what have I signed up for? This is the worst, but the end of the class, I was lying there in savasana, the best pose, if you ask me. I just thought to myself: what the hell was that? And I heard my body reply.
My body said that was amazing and I thought I was not expecting that from your body. You liked that and I replied, yes, that was amazing, and so my mind had believed I wasn't capable of it. But my body was delighted to be able to push itself like this, to sweat in the heat, to move all of the energy and what I had realized activated an internal fire, because I have been doing all of this in yoga and is one side of the and the then is the quiet, feminine, inward receptive. It is the essence of dark night, Winter Earth, whereas Yang is doing outward, fiery, active sun, summer day, and I've been doing all of this is sinking deeper and deeper into myself, which I needed. I needed to cry, I need to go on all of these deep inner journeys, but the fire wasn't igniting. I wasn't getting that energy to move into my day with clarity and with bigger, if you will, until that class, where it lit a fire inside of me, a fire, and I felt amazing. The next day I had more energy than I had in years. I felt phenomenal, and so I started doing more classes that were arter. I started doing flow yoga classes and I would sweat and sweat, but my body loved it and my spirit loved it, and something that awoke inside of me as I was doing these classes was a warrior part of myself. I would become focused and clear and I would just feel this fire burning away. What no longer serve me? As my spirit pushed through into these movements that reminded me that I am a warrior and while I was in classes I had this realization and this knowing in my mind, my body and my spirit, I can heal myself. I can heal anything because I am strong and I am powerful, I am made of energy and I know how to move energy, my thoughts direct my body and I know how to shift my thoughts. And as I was doing this, as I was stepping into my warriors self, the sense of hope and possibility and faith permeated from myself and I started getting more and more energy and feeling better and better.
And by this point I was already feeling so good, and so when that lime test came back positive, I was ready to see that the because the year prior was not yet in a place where I felt powerful. I was not yet in a place where I felt like a warrior. I was sad, I was overwhelmed, I was angry and getting news. At that time it would have been harder to process and I may have spent more time feeling like a victim of life, feeling like an injustice had happened to my body. But when I got this news, after having done the inner work, after having worked so hard but come so far in my health and my physical, mental, emotional health, I was ready to process that information. I had Lime and I would love to say that I stayed perfectly unwavering in that warrior state that yoga brought me to. But realistically I didn't I processed, went to yoga that night and I did a really hard class and I sweat a whole bunch and was focused and driven and angry. But I was the warrior and I was moving through and on the drive home I would play destiny's child. Survivor really loud, ranked high in my car because I was determined to be the warrior. I would not be a victim of this. I would not be a victim of this. I did cry on the way home to process, to move a motion through my body to acknowledge this, and then after that I began researching.
My husband began researching, because he loves doing that more than I do. To be honest, we were researching. Okay, what do you do? What's next? How does treatment work? Because I have been getting so much better, but I still had issues that I was experiencing with my digestion, with my balance with neurological stuff and fatigue would be unpredictable. It was much better, but it would still come, and so I was working through this and we had found a few different options. I found a couple of clinics in the States and I discovered their pricing was between 50 and 100000 for treatment and we had found this clinic in Germany. That does hyperthermia, where you get really really hot in conjunction with antibiotics and other treatments, and it had worked really really well for some people. So I got really excited about that and I thought: okay, I'm going to sign up for this, I'm going to do this.
This is what's going to heal me and as I had made that decision, it was almost as if my symptoms got three times worse because all of a sudden there was someone who could just take this away for me that I could just take this off and give it to someone else to heal for me, and that was so tantalizing and seductive. The louder the voice got that said someone can heal me, the quieter got the other voice that said I can heal myself and I was preparing to go and I was getting very stressed and very anxious as I was getting close to booking flights and booking this treatment. And we did some more research on this clinic and discovered, after digging deeper, that it didn't work for a lot of people and there were some risks involved because for the hypothermia bodies will go into shock, so they sedate them and one person has actually had a stroke, and so we decided. You know what I don't think this risk is necessary and I pulled back from that. I did some more researching of local treatment of what people do locally to treat this.
There's a few different line specialists in my city and I was looking up treatments like hyperbaric oxygen chamber treatments there, all of the various testing to detail, all the various infections, and I was adding all the numbers up in my head. And for a typical treatment plan it looked like it was hundreds, easily thousands of dollars every week, and I have this delightfully pragmatic mind. Who said: you know that's free, all of your tools, all of the things that you know how to do, that's free breath work, oxygenates your body, yoga cleanses your blood, gives you energy, speaking to your body, speaking to the symptoms, connecting with your heart, feeling worthy. These are all things that are available to you, and so I thought, why don't I try my tools too, and with that there are some different protocols that you can find online for treating line.
One of them is the Cowdan protocol. I believe it's called, and there is a supplement that we ordered from Samsara herbs called Time Support, that has, I think, all of the herbs in the Coin protocol and these in a single pill, and so it makes it very easy. And so we ordered some of those, and they have actually very good reviews of people working with them, and so I was doing my own work that had already been helping. I started taking these supplements and feeling worse at first, which was actually a good sign when you're killing off bacteria. And that's what lime is. It's borrelia before it, the bacteria that causes it and typically other bacterial, bacterial and viral and parasitic co infections that can be transmitted along with that bacteria when you are infected by whatever insect bit you which, by the way, can be a mosquito or flees or anything that draws blood.
And by the way, most people don't notice a busy rash when they get infected anyway. I've been taking these supplements and I started feeling worse, and this is called a Herxheimer reaction, or hers for short, and this is when the bacteria in your body are dying off and as they die they release toxins, and so your body becomes overloaded with toxins temporarily as these bacteria are being eradicated. So I was noticing that fairly intensely for the first week. Since then I've increased the dosage, gradually increasing or what we call titrating it up to almost the full dose now, and I notice little to no symptoms now, which is amazing. My body is adjusted to. Oh and another thing I did was I got a son rap, so research the internet, the wonderful, delightful place of the internet, and read it. People who were having a lot of success said that Infare sons have been phenomenally helpful for them because the lime bacteria does not like high heat and it dies at 41°C so if you can be in a sane that reaches that temperature, especially an infrared sona, especially good, then it is very, very good for treatment.
But I didn't want to have to drive to a sauna multiple times a week or every day and I didn't want to have to spend thousands of dollars to get one at home. So I went on Amazon and I got this little 200 and $50 Sonora. It's like a little sleeping bag, that plug-in and it heats up and sweat my butt off. I'd like to go in for 45 minutes because I'm intense, but you can do 15 or 30 minutes and that with my hot yoga, with my Samsara herb supplements, with which I'll get into next the inner work, the mental, emotional, spiritual component, has been so so incredible. That voice that had gone into the back of my mind was that I had been slipping away when I was looking for all of these answers. Outside of me has come back in full force and it says you can heal yourself and ultimately I believe we are always the ones that heal ourselves. I work with many different practitioners and healers and specialists and coaches who've helped me phenomenally to see things.
I have been missing to grow much faster, to go much farther, but they are the guide, they are facilitator when who is doing the actual healing that's happening within my mind, within my body and within my spirit, and I do want to give a lot of acknowledgement, the plants too. So all of these various herbs that are in my supplement, my Samsara supplements, there is, I believe, an energy and consciousness within every plant, within every being. This has kind of been my experience within Waska, within all things, because everything is made of energy and consciousness. I've spoken with the spirit of these plants, I've felt when they're working in my body, I felt things shifting and I thought to ask them one day: hey, how's it going? How is how is the job going? And they said these plants kind of collectively said phase one is going well and to which I asked great. What is phase one? And they replied: we are cleaning the blood and I thought, very cool. Thank you, keep doing what you're doing and you know there is this intelligence within everything that we consume and the relationship we have with that which we are working with.
Consuming that helps too. So, as I am grateful for them and thinking you know, these plants, these supplements that are helping to heal my body, I believe that it helps to open me up to the power that they have to heal me and it sets us up for a relationship built on respect, because it's nice, when someone comes in to do all of these things, for you to acknowledge and appreciate them. With that I have been doing a lot of inner healing work, a lot of spiritual work, and I know the power of belief. Belief can create and end wars. Belief can direct our body and mind towards living or towards dying, and I wanted to direct mind towards living. It was really time to turn the boat around into being more alive, more plugged into life through the senses of my body.
I wanted an example, I wanted an example of what was possible to be my role model, to help my mind believe more firmly and consistently that I can hear myself. So I giggled, heeled myself from line and I found a woman's story. Her name is Amy Share. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. It's and she talks about how she spent so many years feeling sick and then finally getting a diagnosis of Lime seven years later and then spending so many years trying to get better and not getting anywhere. And with Lyme disease it's interesting. So if you get it early on, you can typically take a round of antibiotics and you're usually fine. After that it's totally eradicated. But when it's been going on for several years, that's where it's called late-stage line, where it's had more time to get into the organs and systems and nervous system of the body and create more problems, and for a lot of people they really struggle to heel from that fully and consistently. And so I found this woman who said that she had healed fully and completely from Lime 10 years ago.
After spending so many years trying so many treatments and spending so many thousands of dollars, she finally got to one pivotal change within her cell. That changed everything, and it was when she realized that she was worthy and deserving of healing. I know first-hand in working with myself and working with my clients that this is legit, because I've seen it time and time again. If we don't believe that we are worthy or deserving of healing growth change, then the mind will sabotage it over and over again. It will cause us to play small, it will cause us to not feel motivated to take action, to do the things we know we need to do, to feel better, and it will hold us back. And it is this invisible force that can really direct the show and can really make our break someone's journey. And when I learned this, it resonated with me and I thought: thank you, Amy, I'm going to take this wisdom. I'm going to use it to save myself years and several dollars, to skip the parts where I spend so much time going back and forth and not fully healing, and to jump right into that part where I know I am worthy and where I'd continue doing the work consistently, continued caring for myself consistently, and I've given my body the command that it's time to heal and so integrated that into my own journey that I reminded myself multiple times a day: I am worthy and deserving of healing.
I am worthy and deserving of healing and even just knowing this, there may have been a part of me that didn't feel that way was very free. It allowed me to recognize that belief and in that recognition pretty much dissolved in that moment, because I had already been doing a lot of work and speaking with the Lime bacteria, speaking with the symptoms, the issue, speaking with it and asking it: what is your purpose here? Why are you here when I ask it its purpose? It tells me consistently: I'm here to wake you up now. I need to give you a little background on my relationship with what I mean by waking up. So I have been a seeker most of my life, always seeking something more, always feeling like there was something just beyond the veil that I couldn't quite grasp yet. And that seeking brought me to Iowaka, brought me to training in shamanic, chinese, medicine and hypnotherapy, medical, chicag and linguistic programming, and it brought me home to myself, to all of these incredible magical things.
And it also brought me to India to do a yoga teachers training, and in one of our yoga philosophy classes the teacher was speaking about enlightenment as an island and how some people are not interested in going to that island. Some people will paddle around, not really directing straight towards it, or other people will swim right for that island. And we all have our own pace and way of getting there. I believe we are all destined to just which lifetime it maybe varies for each of us. But anyway, as the teacher was telling us this, I looked to my friend and I said: I want the speedboat to that island, I want the speedboat to enlightenment, I don't want to paddle around it, I don't want to waste any time. I want to get straight to that island, to be careful and mindful, rather of what you ask for, because while I was envisioning this glamorous speedboat, my boat actually came in the form of a chronic disease, a chronic disease that then motivated me to instill and integrate a powerful practice of self-care of going deep within myself, regularly, of loving myself and, as I've been doing this work, with going to yoga, stepping back into my bar yourself, tending to and caring for myself, creating establishing and enforcing boundaries to give myself what I need to rest when I need to rest, to pull away, to step into more healing I've been seeing.
My mind has been seeing the evidence of how much I care for myself and realizing that I love myself because of how much I've been showing that through my actions and in realizing that I love myself. Therefore, I must be worthy of love, and that I really believe was another piece that Lime has been there to teach me to wake up, to awaken, which I have definitely been doing, especially in those first few months of nowhere was connecting with my past lives, with my soul, my spirit, my higher self, and going far further than I ever had before, in a very short period of time and learning to love myself through my actions, learning that I am worthy and deserving of that, and so I had already been going quite far in this. I had already been shifting this belief by proving it to myself, by giving myself what I need. Yet I was motivated with pain, with fatigue, but I refused to let that beat me, because I am a fighter. So I thought for myself. I went to yoga, even when I didn't want to move my body. I dropped into my heart and I let myself feel my emotions and I let what no longer was serving me be released. I let myself receive support from different healers and specialists.
I found, and my husband helped find different tools and herbs and ways to treat this that have already worked for so many people. And then reading amy's story and what shifted it for her was knowing she was worthy and deserving of healing. It was like the final clarity. It was the fruition of all of this work I'd already been doing, affirming that this is powerful stuff. This will heal you, this is healing you and it has been, and it is.
I have consistently weigh more energy than I've had in years, and supplements the Samsara herbs have been a wonderful help with that and the inferred sana rap has been an incredible help with that. The yoga has been amazing and the love and care I've been giving to myself has been amazing. I feel so alive and so connected to my body and so full of energy. I still have some work to do on my digestion, my gut, and there's still some more layers to release with that. But I know it will continue to get better because I found and addressed the root of all of that stuff: this deeper infection that was here to cause me to love myself, to cause me to get still and be with my spirit and be with my body and be with my, and I am truly grateful for that. Well, it's been a frequent hard journey. It's so amazing to see how far I've come from not being able to get up off the couch multiple days a week to now growing my business, serving more clients in a bigger way than I ever have before and having more energy than, honestly, my mind knows what to do with.
Yesterday I felt this tremendous surge of energy in my body and my mind thought: oh my goodness, what am I going to focus this? Use it most efficiently, and so now I'm training my mind to block out time. Let's listen to the intuition. What are we being guided to do next? What is it that we need to do? What are we avoiding? Because my mind hasn't been used to having so so much of a resource of energy to work with before, and so usually I would be able to pick. Maybe one thing I'd do that day, but now I can do so much more and build so much more momentum. So it is like a very different world. If you are someone who has been struggling with a chronic issue, know that you can heal. Healing is always available. Our body is made with the encoding of its highest health, its highest vitality, and we can heal.
We can detach from what we collect in our environment, in our life, growing up in our ancestry and the womb in past lives, all of the stuff it builds up and it piles on and it weighs us down. But as we release that, as we shift the energy, we release the emotions and bring love to the pain. Things can shift really quickly and it's been amazing to witness that in myself, because this has been an invitation for me to integrate the tool that I teach others in an even deeper way and, working with energy, mind and spirit. I've been giving myself energy treatments as well, and that's been amazing. There's just so many layers that have gone into this and in every way I've learned how to integrate what I know and it's been beautiful and it really helped my mind to see. Look.
This works, because there is a part of my practical, rational mind that used to doubt these shamanic magical tools, these shamanic practices that I do, even though they would be so incredible and people would get these amazing results so quickly and come back and say: look this this and this has shifted, I would think, because my mind didn't understand that it could be that simple, but now that I've done it for myself, I can see the process of truly shifting the belief that I can heal myself the moment it shifts, it becomes simple. There's been a lot of layers getting to that point, but it shifts in just a moment when I remember that I have the capacity to heal myself, that I'm worthy and deserving of that, and that's been a beautiful thing to witness and to realize it's been an incredible journey to be on, albeit challenging. I'm really truly grateful to be on this side of it now, where I can continue on this mission, that I am here to serve and support the healing and awakening of life on earth and help others step into their medicine and their magic and realize just how powerful they are to heal themselves too. Thank you for listening. I hope you've got some takeaways from this and if you've been struggling with a chronic health condition, know that you can heal.
You absolutely can, and if you have been struggling with lime or think you might have it, then I encourage you to get tested. There's some different places in the states in Germany that are more accurate and for most people who become healers it is through having to heal themselves. There is a couple of terms: there's one called the wounded healer and there's one called shaman sickness, which essentially means very similar things. It means the wounded healer is the one who has become wounded, but they, they go on a journey of self healing and in this process, discover how healing works, learn how to navigate these challenges that arise and in doing so are then able to heal themselves and help others to heal to and becoming wounded or sick. It's not about any kind of failing, it's not about being broken.
There's nothing flawed in you or your body. I see it as an invitation to learn something about yourself, an invitation to come back to yourself, because at some point for me anyway, I need to heel when I am disconnected to an aspect of myself. Be that my body, be that the warrior within me, be that the part of me that knows I can heal myself, that knows who I am, a soul, as an authentic being here to share unique things that no one else can share with this world. We've become disconnected from that in any way. Then. That's where illness can come in, and part of releasing the illness is about reconnecting with every aspect of ourselves and stepping into our power or wholeness. And from that place we can heal anything. All right. Thanks for listening! Guys actually wanted to come back, since it's been a few weeks since I first recorded this episode with a short update on how I'm doing. My energy is way more stable than it has been in the past eight years now and I'm still healing and it will take a bit of time. And that's all right, typically one to two years recovery for people with late-stage line. But I'm noticing a significant improvement in the consistency and stability of my energy. I no longer have what I used to call down days where I just would not be able to function, and that would happen multiple times a week. It doesn't happen at all anymore, which is amazing, and I'm getting stronger every day and listening to my body and loving my sonora.
I'm really enjoying walking my dog in the sunshine right now and taking it one step at a time, even though part of me is very excited to be doing all of the things in the external physical world. I'm also pacing myself and just being gentle with my body, and if you guys are wanting support and feeling worthy and enough within yourself for your own journey, that healing, that growth, abundance, purpose, then I invite you to come and join my Heart Space facebook group. You can find the link and the show notes and in the under the guides section, under healing resources, you can request a free guided hypnosis meditation that is so so powerful and walks you through, stepping into and embracing your inherent enoughness and worthiness exactly as you are. I love this recording and I often listen to it myself when I'm enjoying my son sessions. So if you'd like to check that out, you can find the link in the show notes and you can also reach me on Instagram. You are mine body free, all right, sending you my love until next time.