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Motherhood asks us to do it all, but what if the real strength is in just being?
This is Leaning into Being. Erika Hanafin, mom, stepmom, founder, and co-parent hosts alongside Amri Kibbler, mother, founder, and cancer survivor.
We get it. Motherhood is beautiful chaos. And whether you're juggling babies in business, toddlers in to-do lists, or just trying to catch your breath. We're here for it. All of it, the real, the raw and the moments that make it all worth it. Each episode focuses on relatable situations, resources, and experiences to help you balance the beautiful chaos of motherhood and ambition. This show is designed for all mamas seeking community and connection in her definition of success.
This is Leaning Into Being.
Amri Kibbler: [00:00:00] Are you gonna get out your journal? Are you gonna jump up and down? Are you going to grab one of your dogs and give them a hug and a cuddle? Are you gonna scream really loudly? Like I pull all those things out all the time. I feel my cortisol levels going up. I'm like, nothing in the world is worth risking my health and my ability to be there for my family.
Amri Kibbler: I have to like get it under wraps, calm it back down.
Erika Hanafin: I'm Erika.
Amri Kibbler: And I'm Amri. This is Leaning into Being
Erika Hanafin: the podcast for mamas who know that real strength isn't just in doing, but in being be you. Be present. Just be
Amri Kibbler: so, Hey, mama was recently acquired. Huge thing for us like, and. We worked so hard on this for so long, right?
Amri Kibbler: It was like a giant rollercoaster going and then you're up at the top, right? Like what did you feel like when you're up there and you're like, okay, we,
Erika Hanafin: [00:01:00] you know, it's really funny though, Emory, because this has been something that clearly we've been working towards, as you just said, for so long. But just the amount that we have gone through in five years.
Erika Hanafin: It's true. I mean, everything. So it wasn't just the business side because we both had big personal things that happened, right? What? No. Yeah. Can you believe that? It hasn't just been that one thing? No, it hasn't. It hasn't just been business. It's been business. Like has been the constant, but we've been also dealing with business and life and like family and you know, for me it was a divorce and then co-parenting and now being pregnant and all of these things.
Erika Hanafin: And you'll share your journey too. But we're kind of trying to figure out what is this? And I think that's the intent of this podcast really is it? It definitely is. How are we leaning into this? Being you and I are pretty aligned on seasons, like we go through these seasons and know that. Whatever time we're in, what's happening right [00:02:00] now.
Amri Kibbler: Mm-hmm.
Erika Hanafin: Trying to be present in it and being in that season and then that season will evolve. But I'm struggling. How are you?
Amri Kibbler: I'm struggling too. It's a huge shift for us. I started, hey mama, 10 years ago and you know, six of those years we were bootstrapped and doing everything and so, you know, it's been.
Amri Kibbler: Wake up every morning, and the first thing that I would think about in the morning was like, okay. What has to be done, like what's my north star? What am I to do today? And then go from there. So it's been like hustle, hustle, hustle for 10 years. Yes. On top of like all of the personal things that I've had going on.
Amri Kibbler: Yeah. And it's really hard to shift the mindset. Absolutely. You're right. That's one of the reasons why we started the podcast and why I am so happy to be able to be having these conversations because I'm really struggling with how to completely downshift and slow down and be present. And I. Desperately need to do that.
Amri Kibbler: [00:03:00] To be there for my kids and for myself. We've got this beautiful podcast that we're building. Yeah. So we get to still build together, but it's going, I mean, so for me, five years ago I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. You know, huge bomb, like exploded my life. Obviously not out of the blue, but you know, I wasn't expecting that at all and I went through treatment, which of course sucked.
Amri Kibbler: But I think part of it was just like, it was a huge wake up call, which, you know, you hear so many people that get cancer, say, it was a huge wake up call that I needed to change so many things in my life. The way that I was working, I was living in a state of elevated cortisol level 24 7. I was like in fight or flight.
Amri Kibbler: Constantly because as an entrepreneur there's always a new emergency. There's always something you need to be getting to, and I had this like constant state of anxiety that I just kind of, I couldn't get through. And so I just started working on a lot of different strategies to help me deal with the anxiety and help me try to be able to navigate those things and be able to slow down that.
Amri Kibbler: I've been utilizing. I worked with a amazing meditation teacher that I talk about all the time, who's still a very dear friend of mine, Demo DeMartile. I think he's almost. 80 now, and Demo’s probably gonna kill me for saying that, but he just really helped me to develop this sense of like inner connection that I can now root back to.
Amri Kibbler: But it's been a five year struggle and growing process that I'm still working through and I still have to sit myself down all the time and be like. This is not the end of the world. Like you need to reconnect to yourself right now. Pull out your bag of tricks, like are you gonna do a medication? Are you gonna listen to some music?
Amri Kibbler: Are you gonna do some tapping? Are you gonna go outside and take a walk? Are you gonna get out your journal? Are you gonna jump up and down? Are you going to grab one of your dogs and give them a hug and a cuddle? Are you gonna scream really loudly, like. I pull all those things [00:05:00] out all the time. I feel my cortisol levels going up.
Amri Kibbler: I'm like, nothing in the world is worth risking my health and my ability to be there for my family, I have to like get it under wraps, calm it back down. I. I do a lot of work on that, and I had a cancer recurrence two years ago, so I had two surgeries and it was like another, okay, you're not really getting this.
Amri Kibbler: Like, I just felt that like, okay, I learned all these things and I. Was implementing them, but I knew that I still needed to connect further to that and do more work on it. There was so much more work for me to do, and so it's been a constant process and it's a never ending process. Once you start doing that work, it's forever.
Erika Hanafin: But I wanna call out on a few things. One is that it's progress over. Perfection through and through, because as you just explained, like one, it's important to have a toolkit and [00:06:00] you go to that toolkit for whatever it is mm-hmm that you need at that particular time, but also realizing and giving yourself grace that.
Erika Hanafin: You are not going to be utilizing those tools consistently all the time and you, you're not living in this box. It doesn't have to be this perfect. Like I meditate for 15 minutes every morning and I do this. We're going through seasons and we're gonna do what's working best for us with what we have at that particular moment.
Erika Hanafin: So one, always recognize and give yourself grace that it's progress over perfection. Two, I think one of the things that worked a lot for me and you kind of elaborated on that is. Finding your core, right in that toolkit is the different modalities, the meditation, the yoga, the journaling, the different things.
Erika Hanafin: But how important having your small, I like to say support system, like I know that I can go to Julia [00:07:00] Dero, my Julie, and. Yes, there's beauty in the, in the scale we're creating this ripple effect, but there's also those really small minor moments. And the third is what I call our monumental moments, which is something that really hit me back in 2017 when I was.
Erika Hanafin: The heart of depression and hate, like hated where I was in my, in my marriage, and I had this beautiful child. It was so hard to have. Mm-hmm. I'll never forget this one morning where it was just a terrible morning. He didn't wanna go to school. We realized it was because the shirt he didn't wanna wear, you know, all the things.
Erika Hanafin: Yes. And we're in San Francisco and we get in the car and he's upset and I had no support and I was mad and angry and you know, just frustrated. And he gets in the car and chainsmoker or something just like that comes on and he's like, mommy. Turn this up. And so I turn it up and he just starts laughing and you know, [00:08:00] we're just singing and we're yelling at this song and I loved it.
Erika Hanafin: And so we get to school, which was, you know, a five minute drive to a school. But I drop him off at school and then I'm on my way to work and I'm like. My mindset just shifted, like talk about this monument mental moment. It was so minor. It's the small things that that come into play. And so I always say, look for those monument mental moments.
Erika Hanafin: It doesn't have to be like a crazy. Happen. It could be that 32nd hug before they go to school or before they're that two minute cuddle. It doesn't have to be two hours. It's quality over quantity. We always say that's right, which we always say quality over
Amri Kibbler: quantity.
Erika Hanafin: Hi, it's Erica and Amry from Leaning into Being and we know Growing a tiny
Amri Kibbler: human is no small feat, which is why we've partnered with our friends at Motherhood Maternity because every mama deserves to feel held seen, and yes, comfy.
Amri Kibbler: From belly to baby
Erika Hanafin: and beyond. Their pieces move [00:09:00] with you so you can focus on what matters most. Being
Amri Kibbler: present. You can shop their latest looks at Kohls, kohls.com. Amazon Babies, RS Canada, and motherhood.com. Be you, be present.
Erika Hanafin: Just
Amri Kibbler: be Erica. How hard is it to create content while running a company?
Erika Hanafin: Let's be real amory.
Erika Hanafin: It's really hard. You've got the ideas, but turning them into consistent strategic content, that's a
Amri Kibbler: whole other job I. Enter the content catalyst from Share Your Genius in just one 90 minute session. They help you turn your ideas into three months of high impact content, videos, articles, social posts, and more.
Amri Kibbler: We use them, we love
Erika Hanafin: them, and this is your sign to finally get your content off the vision board, reach out and tell them we sent you.
Amri Kibbler: I mean, we think a lot about big moments and like holidays and all these things we wanna orchestrate, but when I think about. Special moments with my kids. They're all tiny things that just happened.
Amri Kibbler: Yeah. And occur. And it's the small things that bring you [00:10:00] joy and the small things that you can integrate into your life and just make huge ripples. And sometimes just changing the mindset by doing a tiny little thing is what's gonna create. All the difference for you. Totally. Which was that energy. I wanna go back to something else that you mentioned, because I do also think that your team is really important and there was a time period when I was just feeling really overwhelmed and I was feeling alone and like all of this, and there's so much to do to get to this place of health.
Amri Kibbler: And someone suggested to me, they're like, make a list of who's on your team. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, well, definitely my husband, he's my number one team player. Oh my gosh. He had literally, you know, is always there for me. Does so much for me. And then of course I've got demo that's on my team. And then I put Adrian, who's my Pilates instructor and.
Amri Kibbler: I did Pilates throughout. When I was having surgery, I had two abdominal surgeries and it wasn't actually the exercise. I would go to the Pilates and we would do like foot exercises [00:11:00] or arm things and it was just having that connection. 'cause I feel like connection and belonging are as much of a healing tool for you.
Amri Kibbler: Everything else. And then I added on my best friends and all of a sudden realized that I actually have this huge support system, my oncologist and my special nurses that I had, and I put it up on the side of my computer and I was like, you know what? I don't feel alone in this anymore. I have all these people that are cheerleading for me and they're there for me.
Amri Kibbler: And just knowing that you have people in your life that are gonna help you through it makes all the difference. And sometimes we have that team and we don't even. Think about it. Yeah. Acknowledging them.
Erika Hanafin: Yeah. And I think that we practice that pretty well, you and I too, around that recognition and that gratitude.
Erika Hanafin: And we always talk about motherhood does not have to happen in isolation. Even back to the early days when it was a village. Right. You had a team, you had your support, and sometimes [00:12:00] we forget.
Amri Kibbler: I know we, we always, we talk about this too, that is really one of the biggest challenges that moms in America are facing is that isolation and not having access to a team when you've moved.
Amri Kibbler: Like I know I don't live anywhere near my family or my husband's family who is in Australia. So you have to build your own team these days and. It's a lot of work. Like it definitely is and having your friends and like loved ones, anyone that you can bring into your found family is such a big thing.
Amri Kibbler: Erica, who's on me, your motherhood team though?
Erika Hanafin: It's pretty similar. I mean, obviously my husband, first and foremost, it's family, right? Big. We've got this. Beautiful blended family that, you know, talk about coming out of a season of darkness into this beautiful light. And that's also work because I mean, that's for a whole nother podcast around divorce and coming out and then finding this strength and [00:13:00] healing and this beautiful opportunity to really blend a family together.
Erika Hanafin: And we're so fortunate and we've been so blessed that the boys really were so close mm-hmm. To begin with. Like they're just so. And call each other brothers and they're really excited for Baby Boy. So we'll see how excited they are when they start hearing Baby Cry. Our youngest right now, Parker said the other day, we're sitting on the couch and he says, mommy.
Erika Hanafin: Can me and Baby Bennett wear the same clothes? And it was just so cute. And you know, then certainly my Julie, my best friend, my family have been very fortunate. And you live close to your parents too. Is that part of the reason you moved down here? It was one of the biggest reasons because at the time we were across the country and I hated it.
Erika Hanafin: And we moved from New York City to San Francisco and then San Francisco Covid. Really was the best thing that ever happened to me because [00:14:00] it got us outta San Francisco and across the country back to thinking we were gonna go back to New York and ended up in Virginia Beach, which is close enough to my parents.
Erika Hanafin: So there we're about 30 minutes away from them and. Braden, my son, I recognize that he needed a team too. They too, they do. They needed, they need that
Amri Kibbler: extended
Erika Hanafin: family. They need that extended family and that support system. And thank God we had that because we went through a, a terrible divorce and he's on the positive side and now.
Erika Hanafin: Like I said, we have beautiful blessing. So now he's got two brothers. And you know, it's so funny because he would say, mommy, when can I have a baby brother? And then it was, mommy, when can I have a baby sister? When can I have a baby sister? And you know, and I remember one morning he was like, mommy. When can I have a baby sister?
Erika Hanafin: Is there anything I can do to help? Now, he's ecstatic, but it's so funny, he's 11, so there is a big, you know, there's a big gap between the [00:15:00] oldest and the youngest. Mm-hmm. He hears a baby crying. We're at church the other day, and he's like, are you ready for that, mom? I was like, yeah, that's when he's gonna go to you.
Erika Hanafin: He's gonna be such a helper. He's
Amri Kibbler: gonna be such a helper. He's such a helper. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I know. I just can't wait to come back and see you all.
Erika Hanafin: Motherhood Maternity is our season two sponsor of Leaning into Being and I am currently wearing one of their dresses, which is also on our cover photo. Cute.
Amri Kibbler: I love it.
Erika Hanafin: And it's so comfortable and of course, great pockets. 'cause I love Oh, I love Pockets too. Yeah. Yes. So super cute. This is my new staple for the spring and summer. They're little jealous. I think it's, it's so my vibe. I know I might have to get it taken in even after I have baby because it's, yeah, it does look like you could totally wear that after I totally wear this, and this is so my style.
Erika Hanafin: So your style. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I just got licked again. Oh wait,
Erika Hanafin: mama. You are doing enough. You are [00:16:00] enough.
Amri Kibbler: So take a breath, lean in, and just be,
Erika Hanafin: be you.
Amri Kibbler: Be present.
Erika Hanafin: Just be.