Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Between the Folds is the unapologetically smutty romance podcast where dirty little strumpets Elisa (Minister of Moisture), Jess (Janitor of Joyful Offices), and Lindsay (Lusty Lieutenant) dive into spicy, unhinged romance novels. Expect laugh-out-loud banter, rants, juicy book recaps, and the smuttiest scenes rated on our moisture meter. From monster romance to hockey hunks, we celebrate the chaos, the kink, and the comedy of spicy reads.
So whether you’re into milking maidens, reverse harems, monster dicks, or morally bankrupt fae kings, pull up a chair, grab your vibrator, and join the club. We’re unwell, you’re welcome.
Lusty Lieutenant Lindsay: This podcast
is rated S for sexy and contains
mature themes, explicit sexual
content, and some freaky ass shit.
So if your trigger warning list is
longer than the schlongs in these books,
protect your innocent ears from the
salacious musings of this red hot pod.
But if you're a pervy peach, like
us with one hand on your Kindle
and the other between your folds
strap on, I mean in for the unhinged
book club ride of your wet dreams.
Oh, and there's definitely
going to be Oh, and there's
definitely going to be spoilers.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
As for the rest of you,
freaky little trumpets.
Let's get into it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: It's me, Lusty
Lieutenant Lindsey and nominee
for the acclaimed title of most
likely to Get Arrested for Fruit.
Fucking serving as your commander
in literature for the week.
And I am here with the lovely
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Senator of Joyful Orifices, Jess,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: watch out boys.
She's measuring your scrotal
length in subway increments and
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Minister of Moisture, Elisa.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: pube art coming
on display at a museum near you.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Hello.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
where are someone else's?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
And just remember as we give our
overview, we listen and we don't
judge except for when we do.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: this week's RACI
Romp is pounded by Produce by GM
Ferry, which is a dope pen name.
I assume that's not their real name.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
What did you think GM stands for?
Grand Master.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Grandmaster Ferry.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Are
they like a dungeon and dragon?
Human.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Great question.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I'm just saying.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: ask them
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yes.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Fairy Good, mama Fairy.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: All
of the M words have gone from my brain.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Masturbator.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yeah.
I love that
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
masturbator fairy.
I like it.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yes.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Really?
It's gonna be like,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Fairy,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: yeah, I
was gonna say, it's gonna be like Gina.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Well, GM, if
that is your real name, fairy.
Thank you for bringing
us Pounded by Produce.
So this one is gonna go out to all of
our post evangelical millennial listeners
who grew up watching the Beloved
Christian Propaganda Cartoon Veggie Tail.
that's right.
We are getting into Veggie Tails erotica
in this episode, which is a statement I
truly thought I would never say, but god
damn, if I am not delighted it exists.
So our story begins with our beloved
friends, Bob the Tomato and Larry the
Cucumber, AKA Robert, and Laurent, who
are Catholic priests at a remote parish.
They have been secretly in love for years,
but their relationship is complicated
by, you know, celibacy and whatnot.
they're in search of a cook for
their little compound, and they end
up with Emily, who turns out to be
much more than just a cute kitchen,
a coutre ma as the Lord wills it.
She is the missing piece
of their divine throuple.
When Catholic guilt and sex shaming
threatens to tear them apart, an
angel witch intervenes cursing slash
blessing them to turn into produce
under the light of the full moon.
The only way to break the curse, learn to
express their true feelings to each other.
And then maybe just maybe that poly
cucumber tomato fucking you've been
dreaming about all these years but thought
you couldn't have will finally come true.
Who am I kidding?
Of course it comes true, but be warned,
this is not your average love story.
In this vegetal tale, you're gonna tackle
religious trauma, resurface childhood
memories, surprise yourself with the
arousal you feel towards produce, and
ultimately get what turns out to be
a well-deserved happily ever after.
Or maybe that was just me.
I don't know, but let's get into it.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I mean, there was definitely a
juicy finish for all parties.
So seeds are out in this one.
Folks Seeds are out.
And I don't mean like 86th,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: If
you'd told me that my first five star
read of 2026 would be an absurd book
about you cucumber, fucking I get right.
Obviously.
Like who
Lusty Lt Lindsay: obviously.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: cucumber,
but like the tomato got me.
Well, I'm sorry for you Elise.
I'm just kidding.
I haven't
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
that I would admit on air.
The tomato like I wish
I had recorded myself.
describing to my husband what
went down in this book, like it
was like the first 25% of it.
And I was just like telling him like,
look, listen to this delight of a story.
I tell him like, these priests one turn
into a tomato, one turn into a cucumber.
And he had the same question I did.
What the fuck do you do with a tomato?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: same.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: like,
do you, you just do you just rub it?
And I said, well, yes, yes, Eric, as one
does that is what you do with the tomato.
And, I mean, I'm open now.
get it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Okay,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Hmm.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I have
to, I have to know Elisa
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Jess did not
grow up watching Veggie Tales.
Have you ever seen Veggie Tales?
The Christian cartoon?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Never
once in my life because I'm too old.
Sorry.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: you
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I stopped
watching cartoons when I was nine.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: But you also
did you go to Sunday school?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Ma'am,
do I look like I went to Sunday school?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Okay,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: don't
have repressed Catholic trauma.
So I'm good over here.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: No.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: well
let me just say that.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
flavor of trauma.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Yeah, exactly.
Mine's totally different.
Just not religious.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
got religious trauma.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: So you go to
Sunday School, you watch Veggie
Tales way past nine years old.
So this is like prime content for
Protestant churches across the country.
I don't know if the Catholics watch
it too, but out here in Protestant
land we watched a lot of Veggie
Tales and this whole book full
of references to Veggie Tales.
very specifically the
sub Silly songs with Larry.
and that just really adds this,
this really, this extra level
to the ridiculousness this book.
did you ever watch, I, I
sense I put it in the chat.
I put it in the chat about
the silly songs with Larry.
Did you guys watch it?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Yes, I could not get over how
this, this literally is like
fan fiction of Veggie Tales,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I also want
you to know I got zero text about this.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I swear I put
it in the unhinged group chat.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Oh,
you put it in the book club chat.
I thought you meant in the, between
the folds and I got really, I got
piping hot down there about it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Okay, so I didn't do my homework.
I'm so sorry.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: silly
songs with Larry from you.
I would
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I will listen to it
immediately after this podcast
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Okay.
Thank you.
It's
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: episode.
Whatever
Lusty Lt Lindsay: know, it's
like when I read of Monsters
and Mazes, but I hadn't seen,
You're, it's like I
was missing something.
Like there's a, there's a depth that
I lack when I was reading the book.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
looked like until I watched veggie
tails and could picture it singing
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Exactly,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
oh, I could totally rub that on me.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: exactly
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: now.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: right.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
This religious tomato.
Mm.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Do
I really wanna watch this now?
I mean,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: You
really do, you really do.
And then I want you to picture.
Lindsay as a middle schooler,
lip-syncing to, oh, where is my
hairbrush in front of her entire school.
And
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: okay.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: place.
So I just want you to ha hold that in
your mind as you are watching Veggie
tail and then as you are rethinking
about the memories of this book.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Oh my gosh, I can't wait.
This is gonna be exciting for me.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: this book
it is such a delightful, unhinged read.
I mean, it is absolutely
absurd and ridiculous.
And also it is Hot.
I mean, there are definitely
some, scenes in here.
there were some things that did
make me like, kind of think It was
making me feel a lot of things.
And I was like, but you're reading
about cucumber and tomatoes or
one cucumber and one tomato.
I fucking loved it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: my favorite sex
scene, my most re readable, was the, two
priests walk into a confessional scene.
I thought that scene was.
ha ha.
it was great
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: that
scene was really hot because I think
there was so much lead up into it.
You already knew that like when they
were younger, they had like, jerked
off in the same room and that , there
was the tension between them and then
when they got to go, go, it was lovely.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for like a short book.
They were still able to build the
tension between the two priests.
Like you could feel that they
loved and wanted each other even
in like a, short number of pages.
I thought the author did a
really good job with that.
And when they are both like
jerking off separately in their
confessionals together, you're ju it,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Mm-hmm.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: it.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: It was
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: We good?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
rivalry of Catholic produce.
It was so weird.
we feel the same way if we hadn't just
watched, you know, heated rivalry?
Like probably.
I think like what I loved
about it so much is it was so
unexpectedly, just delightful.
It was just so silly and absurd and, and
yet fun and I just wasn't expecting that.
Right.
Usually these books, they are like, they
kind of lean towards so ridiculous that.
you're just reading them to laugh at.
And also honestly, like the book
is called Pounded by Produce.
Maybe it's because I didn't
read anything else about it.
I kind of figured that by the
title I had, I knew what I needed
to know going into this book.
It's so what I'm like starting to
read it and I'm like, all right,
okay, she's gonna work for a Catholic
church and okay, these two dudes are
clearly in 20, what am I reading?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: One
of my favorite emotions to feel is
like just shockingly delighted, like
by something that catches me off guard.
And that is why I love this book.
Was it a literary masterpiece?
Nah, it wasn't written poorly, but
points for the hot sex with vegetables.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I'm gonna
second what you said because I was
reading the book to start and I was like,
priest, isn't that a different book?
And so like, I had no expectation
of this being any set in a church.
I had no expectation of
priests, none of that.
And so when that hit me, I
was like, Hmm, all right.
Throwing me for a loop here.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Mm-hmm.
Color me.
Surprised I'm in.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I was like,
all right, well let's go, let's ride.
I was also super curious because once I.
They became a cucumber and a tomato.
My brain was, how are you using a tomato?
How, what's happening?
How are we, what is happening in
this environment that we're using?
A table tomato.
I've never thought of a tomato as sexy.
Not once in my life.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Tomato
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: stop it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: a bad wrap
being the least sexy fruit.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: It does.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
It's not the least sexy fruit.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Like what do you think the least?
What is the least sexy fruit?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I've
already, we've been over this, a gourd.
They're bumpy.
They look like they have gonorrhea.
Like I don't, I just don't know.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
But I don't hate something
bumpy rubbing on me tomato feels
something smooth that feels weirder.
I would take a gord over a tomato.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: that.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: are kind of
cool and they have smooth skin.
You know, I, I see where
Emily was going with it.
Okay.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I
know this is sometimes like a pet
peeve with people that I see in like
romantic land when they're like, Ew.
They mentioned calluses on hands.
love that.
If you, I once literally part of breaking
up with somebody, it was 'cause his hands
were too smooth and that creeped me out.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Soft hands.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
and a bit of a roughness.
Yeah.
Soft hands are creepy.
Soft man hands.
Yeah.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: So a tomato is
like the equivalent, the fruit
equivalent of a soft man's hand.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yeah.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I'm gonna
go back to two things when we were talking
about the worst, the ugliest fruit.
Brussels sprout.
I would also say an artichoke,
only because they're pokey.
And so I understand you
could peel away the layers.
like a little flower situation
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
about eating in
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: like
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
that makes up it.
But I am with you.
Yeah.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
about Brussels sprouts.
I mean, yes.
Prepared.
Well, they taste good, but they're small.
make you fart.
Or like, I think of farts when
I make brussel sprouts and that
doesn't exactly I'm, I do not have
a fart kink, so just cracked myself.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Your
only fans won't be for, for farting
in a, in a jar, sending it to people.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: maybe
I could fart the jar if I was gonna make
money for sure, but like I do not wanna
spell any jar farts or any farts, period.
Oh my God.
We are the sexiest women.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I, I just
had a conversation with someone and
I am not shitting you three days ago.
Three days ago.
And I also know, want you to know
that this is the type of human I am.
So just great.
Someone had called me who I, who
I've known for a really long time,
and was like at a crux in her life.
And she was like, you know, I'm
talking to my family and I have
crazy ideas of what I wanna do next.
And I was like, what do you wanna do next?
And she was like, is it crazy that
I just wanna start a OnlyFans?
And I was like, no.
Like go for it.
And I was like, listen, if you
wanna fart in a jar and send it to
someone for money, I am all for this.
And she was like, wait, what?
And I was like, what does it matter?
So anyway, I want you to know that
I'm a big proponent of farting in
a jar and sending it on OnlyFans.
You're welcome.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I don't know if
the market is already saturated for
that, but that whoever came up with
that idea first is a true genius.
So.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yep.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for them
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
who did it?
She made 200 K.
She sold a jar of her
farts for like 200,000.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: goddess.
Good for her.
Amazing.
Okay.
Well we were talking about.
Unex fruits.
But I do, I was thinking to myself
as I was reading this book, like
, tomato wouldn't be my first choice.
It's not gonna be my go-to.
And obviously cucumber, like that's,
that's, that's been done, right?
That's been
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah.
Yep.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: But let's say right
now have to leave this space, go to your
refrigerator, find a fruit or a vegetable.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
'em together.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
So, yeah.
So what are you gonna, what?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: about
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah,
that was really quick.
I was gonna say, I was like,
what are you gonna get?
What are you gonna do with it?
So just celery,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I don't
Lusty Lt Lindsay: you're
gonna put two socks together.
Are we, are we are we are penetrating?
Is that what we're doing?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
we're gonna leave them, you know,
they're all attached to the bulb,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: What?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
you just keep it, you know, bulb
and then vent bulb, bulb first
Lusty Lt Lindsay: the whole,
the whole stock of celery,
like the whole bulb of it.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: No,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: You're, you're going,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
'cause I just got really, I.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: We
all know how I feel about stretching.
I'm not into that kind of thing, but I
would just keep, I mean, I think maybe
there's four stalks left on it right now.
It wasn't like the most massive thing of
celery, but that, that is what I know that
I've got in the refrigerator right now.
That would
Lusty Lt Lindsay: okay.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
in a pinch.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Four stocks
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Wow.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for you.
Excellent.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Okay.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Okay.
Lisa, what's in your fridge?
What, what inspires you
in the produce department?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Well
those are two separate questions.
Like what's in my fridge right now?
The only thing that's in my fridge that
is remotely that shape would be a carrot.
and, you know, carrots are just fine.
Uh, as long as they're not baby carrots.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yeah,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I don't need baby carrots.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: The
Lusty Lt Lindsay: You.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
of produce.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: yeah.
would zucchini it all the way.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh, zucchini.
Okay.
It's very
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah.
'cause it's softer.
' cause that's the thing that like is,
is uh, tricky about hard vegetables.
They're hard.
And sometimes you want
something that's softer.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
No, no, no.
That is actually not, sorry.
Now I'm
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
You want it like steel,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
thing inside of me.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I don't
mean like soft, I mean softer than
like completely like steel rigid.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Bess is going
celery ribbed for her pleasure.
You're going smooth zucchini.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
this, and maybe I do have a date
with some salary stocks after this.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I will say
the internet does not support
putting fruit, in your business.
bad for the pH, I thought about this too.
'cause I was thinking about tomatoes
and, cucumbers and my thought was, I'm
gonna get, I'm gonna get grapes, and
I'm gonna pop 'em in one at a time,
but then I'm gonna pop 'em out and
then I'm gonna feed 'em to my partner.
That was what I, that was my
inspiration behind sexy produce.
Get a little, A little grape vaginal pop.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I
clearly need to do more Kegels 'cause I
do not think I could physically do that.
Do you think you could do
that without the grape?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Oh yeah.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for sure.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Maybe mine are too strong because
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
like trying to pop a out and just
like crushing it like a walnut.
Like who is that guy who said he
could crush walnuts with his butt?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
don't know, but this is delightful.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Eighties star.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Lindsay,
is this like your, your moment
to do like the ping pong shooter
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: the room and
just be like, catch it with your mouth?
Ah, and Andrew's running around to like,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
I mean, I was thinking, I was thinking
it would be more like a delicacy and
less like a, like an arcade game,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
like a sideshow.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Well, we could try it a couple
different ways and kinda see
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah.
Just see what, see
what, see what comes up.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh my gosh.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I
am so glad that I had to look this
up because did you know I had not
really done any half-cocked internet
research, which is a surprise for me,
and so I just accidentally did some.
Now, do you know that there is actually
someone who holds the real world
record walnut cracking with their ass?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh, who are they?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: it is a
Japanese man and he has crushed things.
Like,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Wait a minute.
So Jess, are you in a private browser?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: never.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
The fuck, do you think?
course I'm not damnit
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
We've made this 13 episode.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I think you should
just leave it on private browsing
all the time for your own safety, for
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yes,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: of
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: and yes.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: your advertisements.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: shit.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Mr.
Cherry, that's his name, cherry Yoshi.
He crushed 78 walnuts in 30 seconds.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
78 and 30 seconds.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: 78 in 30 seconds.
That's right.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Did he put them?
This is bot talks not butthole.
Right.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I think it's
his, his glutes not like inside.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Thank God.
Okay.
'cause I was gonna be like
Lusty Lt Lindsay: an external,
clenching between the cheeks.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
between the folds.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yes.
Between, between the,
between the butt cheeks of
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Of love,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Cherry.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
of love making,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I'm
not certain what these things mean most.
This is his records.
A list of his records.
Most walnuts crushed by sitting
down in 30 seconds, which is 75.
Most dried peas moved
using a straw in 30 seconds
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
so like blowing on them.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: on him.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
with his butt hole.
Like or was he clenching
the, I have no idea.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Are his only records
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: How?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
a biscuit.
Alright.
Okay.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: think
he's a Renaissance man.
He has many talents.
It's not all but cheek related.
You know, this guy gets,
he's got many talents.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Oh my gosh.
Please,
I'm back.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
And now also it's something he, He
created a notable shrimp technique
to crush these walnuts with his butt.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Crimp technique.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I like to think that my
glutes are pretty strong, but I feel like,
you know, walnuts have a really hard shell
and if I crunch them, I feel like they're
gonna poke me and I'm not gonna like that.
You
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yep.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: No, no.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: That sounds painful.
It sounds like a painful world record.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Also, how big are your butt cheeks?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I mean, I think
I could get a walnut in there.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
About 78 of them,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Well, I think he, I
don't think he does them all at once.
I think he does them one at a time.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
but it's 30 seconds.
How many You're not.
You're not,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Shooting him out.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: you're not.
Even if you were doing one at a time,
like that's longer than 30 seconds people.
I'm just saying anyway.
How did we get on this road
show, like what's happening?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I'm not sure
how we got here, but I do think,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I'd like a refund.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: He
didn't move the peas with his butt.
He just moved it with a straw.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: This
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I feel like that I could do.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: be, we need
to be more creative about things
that could be a world record.
Like I could be in the Guinness Book if I
could just come up with a weird ass thing
that nobody else has yet done, you know?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I mean,
grapes in your vagina fed to your partner.
Sounds like you could,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I mean, I don't know
if that's a Guinness World Record or
if that's more of an OnlyFans variety.
Like I could send my little, like my
little grapes out into the community
and I could freeze 'em, you know,
send them on dry ice to my various in
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: uh,
this is how I know I'm not bisexual.
I could get,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: haven't
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I
could get by with a lot of things.
I,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Elisa, how do you know?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I don't want to know.
That's how I know.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh, well, you're lost.
Just saying
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yep.
I'm gonna say it is.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for my product.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Hit
the like and subscribe button.
Now if you'd like to be a tester.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Uh, I really
hope, I really hope, I hope
they like and subscribe.
My feelings will be hurt.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Oh Lord,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I do think
this is a good time for
half-cocked internet research.
I didn't mean to get here, but, did do
some half-cocked internet research related
to, of course, putting vegetables in
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: cooch.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: body, is not
recommended by science, but I did.
There's
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Hey,
we learned to put a condom on it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah, three things
I found though very important.
So this is from Reddit and I
really appreciated this woman.
She starts it with, so I may
have put a cucumber in my vagina.
She says, I was extremely horny and I
just lost control, et cetera, et cetera.
Anyway, now I'm worried and it's
something I never want to do again.
Any advice on how to clean out my bad
leftovers from cucumber other than just
showering and cleaning it normally?
but this made me think in the book.
when she gets aroused by the cucumber
and the tomato, they spill their
seed on her, and then she's like
cleaning this like cucumber and
tomato seed of and out of her body.
so, you know, this woman on
the internet also did that.
And this lovely person, life of
lady says, did you wash it first?
Even if not pretty sure it was cleaner
than 95% of the dicks in the world.
Hope you only ever have the
elite 5%, never one that makes
you wish for a clean cucumber.
I just thought that was so, so sweet.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Gross.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: like
that dirty ass cucumber.
It's cleaner than 95% of
the dicks in this world.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yep.
I Support that math.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: the other thing was,
apparently around the year of 2017, there
was this like viral thing going around on
the internet called the Cucumber Cleanse.
And so what you would do is you
would peel a cucumber and then you
would, stick it up in your hoo-ha
and you would twist it around.
And the length of time recommended
was 20 minutes, which is
a, I feel like a long time.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
you cleaning the
Lusty Lt Lindsay: was suppo,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
cucumber or are you cleaning
that your innards, like
Lusty Lt Lindsay: it
was supposed to clean.
It was supposed to clean your vagina.
Allegedly.
People were saying that, you know,
like balance your pH and it would
like help with smell or whatever.
And of course all of the, healthcare
providers were like, absolutely not.
Do not stick a cucumber.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
movement was born, isn't it like.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Exactly
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: approved.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yeah,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: the
cucumber cleanse of 2017.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: This
was happening on Epstein's Islands.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: started.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: sure.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: sure.
They're like, Ooh, I want some cucumber
juice, if you know what I mean.
that led me to this other which this
is a real thing also called Vagacias
have you ever heard of a Vagacials?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Oh my god.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
yourself a facial with Demon?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: No.
It's like a facial for your
vagina or for your vulva.
Really?
So like you, go clean the, you
care for the skin on your face.
So it's about like caring for the
skin and the area of your vulva.
And so it's like about like
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
honey Pot stuff.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: applying moisturizer
and doing all of these things so you
can get them done professionally,
like in an office, you know, in a.
You know, in a, in a salon,
or you can do them at home.
Just like a, just like
a face, A face facial.
So,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: the fuck
is the matter with people like you?
You,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Elisa..
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: you wa
Lusty Lt Lindsay: yeah.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
wanna pay someone?
No.
Stop.
You.
Stop, you.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: But I, I didn't
look if there's anywhere locally that
you could get one done, but there,
there are places that you can get one.
think about it.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I mean,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: No,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
I'm picturing like, you know, they
do like beard whales and stuff,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: maybe
it would be something like that where
they just like comb things through
tidy, tidy things up, put a little,
I mean, moisturizer things that feels
like that's definitely gonna fuck up
your pH the only thing I put on there
is like my, my honey pot pH balancer,
which is just like little foam cleanse.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Well, that can be part
of your VA show that you do at home.
You know, maybe you do some
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: it a
Lusty Lt Lindsay: trimming.
can do some trimming.
You can just clean it
with some gentle soap.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Do you know,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: know, you,
you tell it nice things.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Okay?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: but
your vagina doesn't even need soap.
Just so we're on the same page
and yes, I use soap, but I'm just
saying like you don't need it
just in case there was any like
question where you're like, oh my God,
Elisa doesn't use soap on her hooch,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: like,
so we knew who has a stinky vagina.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: hey, that could be
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: but.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for my great business,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I do
think, 'cause I do think it is like.
Self-cleaning.
Right?
It's like you're actually
disrupting your pH because system
is designed to clean itself.
And if you are trying to overdo things,
then it, it's kind of like when people
who use, uh, too much hand sanitizer,
antibacterial soap, you're actually
killing the healthy germs on your hands
or something, and you're defeating do you
know, have you ever done a butt coffee?
M
Lusty Lt Lindsay: a
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: coffee
Lusty Lt Lindsay: enema.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: enema.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yes.
This was a craze for a while
and somebody in my life was
doing it, and I was like, nay.
I draw the line with, I mean, I've never
done an enema either, but yeah, no coffee
enemas were like a big thing for a while.
I.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: They were a
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: I don't
know who you people hang out with.
I do not hang out with these people.
Also, I wanna go back
Lusty Lt Lindsay: a thing actually.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
your vulva does not need soap
to stay healthy and it can cause
irritation, dryness, and infections.
The vulva, the outer genitalia area is
self-cleaning, and the vagina inside
should never be washed with soap.
Thank you.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I don't,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
picturing like somebody taking a
bar, trying to jam it up there, Jay.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Can you imagine?
Well, that's how they
got the cucumber out.
Little bottle brush.
Just, you know, scrape those insides
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Ouch.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: So anyway,
I was just thinking, you know, if my
great business takes off, I'll see
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Well, that would work
Lusty Lt Lindsay: feedback.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
again, like and subscribe now.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Follow along.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Upvote, if you
wanna see more of this content.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yeah.\
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: One of
the, the quotes that I hold from this,
this, 'cause this is a new one, right?
We've talked a lot on this podcast
about like various ways like
that authors refer to, vaginas.
This was her warm and wet treasure.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Ooh,
what a great euphemism.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
treasure, I kind of love this.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: My
warm and wet treasure.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: my
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Would
you like to get in my treasure box?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Honestly,
I kind of love that.
That's my, that might be
my new favorite euphemism.
I personally loved so
many lines in this book.
I highlighted many that I
thought were a D delight.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Well actually this kind of caught
my eye looking down at this 'cause it
makes me think of this conversation.
Besides, I didn't enjoy
mutilating vegetables.
I somehow made them burst and
I had to clean cucumber and
tomato gunk from my crotch.
Okay.
Maybe I liked cleaning that up and
even tasted a little bit of it,
as weird as that sounds, but I'll
need to head to the pharmacy at
some point to figure things out.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I respect the realism.
She's like, you know what?
I had a good time, but also this, this
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: problematic.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: this is the condition.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: the way
this written kind of conversationally
just made me laugh like an another one.
She's talking about how hot they
were, how they're the hottest men
she's ever seen, and she's like, how
dickish of them to resign to a life
of celibacy with looks like that.
It's just selfish.
Honestly,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: yeah, her, her
internal dialogue in the book I
thought was, was pretty charming.
All the little thoughts
she would have to herself.
There's when she said, and then here I
am, a random girl rubbing their vegetable
bodies all over me, like a horny teenager.
love story seems poetic and tragic,
like Achilles and Patless, but
adding me to the mix makes it seem
more like some corny smut novel.
I thought that was fun too.
'cause it was also like a
little bit self-referential.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yep.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: totally.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: thought that was fun.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Lauren was like that too.
So this is like going into the treasure.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
is Robert's point of view.
I want to be closer to witness as
Emily inserts Lauren into her warm
and wet treasure, as if this is truly
a gift from God instead of a curse.
Emily lowers me.
My skin slipping across the
moisture rising from her pores,
her heat radiates from her core.
Beckoning me like a siren song.
There's no room for shame.
I'm a tomato after all.
This isn't real.
The saintly rules don't apply here in this
other universe where the three of us ended
up, just love how like, they like talk
these through and they're just like, yeah,
this is ridiculous, but I'm going with it.
And I just, I think that was part of
the just utter delight of this book.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: yeah,
When Laurent was in his cucumber form,
He said, do I wanna be in her mouth
to feel her lips on my green skin?
God isn't sinister.
Maybe he's giving me exactly
what I want except as a cucumber.
Weird.
But God is known for
doing some weird shit.
He did make a donkey talk, teach
some poor chap lesson, and then he
says, praise the Lord for whatever's
going on right now, because God,
do I fucking love being a cucumber.
I couldn't help myself.
I giggled all the time.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
As he said, has no domain there.
one of my favorite quotes was, she goes
into the confessional and she's like, I
just need someone to tell me what to do.
And then she hears the priest on
your knees and I was like, oh.
I literally was like, hello.
And then she goes on to say,
on your knees, he's impatient.
His voice is gravelly and low, just
above a whisper, but with enough power
behind it to get me to do a back flip.
I was like, yep, you say that to me.
I'm on it.
I'm going.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: And be like, yes sir.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I don't
remember which guy's point of view this
is, but he returns his attention to Emily.
My point is this thing between
the three of us, he motions.
It's stronger than
anything I've ever felt.
It almost feels like the pole I felt
from God when I joined seminary school.
Maybe this is a gift.
I'm not sure why he chose to turn
us into vegetables, but if I'm
a tomato, I'm not a man of God.
I'm just a vegetable
and veggies can't sin.
And I was like, isn't that
religious thinking at its finest?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Yes, it
is religious thinking at its finest.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: as to
why I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I saw that
and I was like, I kind of want
that like, as a bumper sticker.
Like I'm just a veggie and veggies
can't sin, you know, like it's like
a, a vegetarian's, bumper sticker.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
You are what you eat.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: just a veggie
and veggies can't sin, you know?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
This is a little more serious,
honestly, but I relate to this.
and this is from Emily's point of
view, and I think she's talking to
like the witchy lady again, and she's
like, I've witnessed so much life that
everything seems even more confusing.
The more I see, the less I know I liked
religion growing up because it gave me
answers, but it no longer seems that way.
Maybe I like religion just for the
familiarity to feel like I belong.
I think that would be enough for
me just following the motions.
I don't think it's enough to
judge or condemn others for living
their truth instead of believing
other people's wishful thinking.
And I, I really did think that line was
deep because that is what, like religion
is so many of us like gravitate towards
religion and because like human beings
have a really hard time with uncertainty
and so it's like they had to create this
story of, of an afterlife and all of that.
I just think it's, we humans are
just so terrified of not knowing
things and I think that in that
sense of belonging, I think that's
what draws people to religion.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Lisa, um, snoozed
because she was like, oh my God, are
they talking about religious stuff again?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
She's like, stop it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh my God.
Enough with your church nonsense.
Ugh.
so I am not typically a casting couch
person, but for some reason, I think just
because there's like a lot of like priest
related content out there in the world.
I totally had a vision for who I
would wanna cast in the roles of this.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Hmm.
Laid on us.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: we have hot
priest from Fleabag, if you
know what I'm talking about.
If you don't know what
I'm talking about, you
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Andrew, what's his name?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: immediately.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jude Law you know, young Pope era.
Right.
And then for Emily, I got for
Sydney Sweeney Amy Lou Wood.
You know, she's the one with
the cute little gap twos.
I just felt like she would be
totally down with some produce.
You know
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yes.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Amy Lou?
Amy Lou Wood?
She's in sex education.
Mm-hmm.
I just thought, I was
like, I have it in my mind.
These are the people.
These are the ones be perfect for this
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: So
you said Andrew Scott and who?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Jude Law.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I would go just because he
is really hot Miles Teller.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I dunno who that is.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Oh, he is
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
You don't know who that is?
Oh my God, he is so sch maxy.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
I'm a Mi Miles teller fan too.
Yeah.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Oh, I
like his cute mustache.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Right?
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I
do not like mustaches, Lindsay does.
She can have all the mustaches.
I like him without mustache.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
like facial hair too.
Uh, who else would I do?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: baby
faced without the mustache.
He looks like a little, looks
like a little child, but he
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Well, and then
Lusty Lt Lindsay: on.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Henry Cavel would 100% be,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
I mean everything.
Always.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: We
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
And then who would, the girl
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Cavel.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: there
Lusty Lt Lindsay: you know,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
is no branching from Henry?
Nope.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Mm-hmm.
Yeah,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Nope.
Nope.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
perfection?
Lindsay
Lusty Lt Lindsay: you know,
sometimes we like to try new things.
Some of us like variety.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Nope.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
This is like a weird line
and it, it sparked a story.
So her brown hair blowing in
the breeze, the way her breasts
and ass stick out from the side.
So when I read that, I
was picturing then like.
Side, like you're looking at me
like, like breast sticking up from
an arm and like ass sticking out.
And it made me think of, I have this
friend who, has the most beautiful walk.
Like she just sachets, right?
And when she walks, like just her hips go.
And it is so sexy and beautiful.
And one time I was like, what the fuck?
How do you, how does one
learn to walk like this?
I don't remember who taught her this,
but she was like, you pretend that there
are, there are balloons on this, on
your side, and so you like sachet the
balloons and then you, you picture that.
And so she told me this.
And I went out and had a
tequila tasting one night.
It was a little tipsy and I was
walking home and I was trying to
sachet and walk sexily, except I
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: no.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: up
in my head where the balloons, like
picturing where the balloons were.
And so I'm gonna have to
stand to show you this.
So what I was, I guess supposed to be
doing right, is the balloons are supposed
to be on either side of your hips.
I was picturing the
balloons here and here.
So I was going like, just
walking down the street,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Please Jesus.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
front, just front to back.
I love that about me.
I fucking wonky ass brain.
And the
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I love that about you as well.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I would like to know
how that was received on the street
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: you
know, I made it home, got some cat
calls, or maybe they were, are you okay?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Maybe they thought you had an itchy
vagina and you're just like, whoa.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: that girl's got a strong
wedgie, like we are concerned about her.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Use some soap.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I think it's
time for some Moans and grounds.
What are the people saying?
they saying the same things as us?
I think they are.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
well, I have one.
summer four outta five stars.
Oh my heavens.
What did I just read?
Cry emojis.
I can honestly say meal prep,
particularly salad preparation
will never be the same again.
Was it spicy?
Yes.
Did I like it also?
Yes.
Will I be able to look at
or watch Veggie Tail again?
Probably not.
Will I be reading more
stories by GM Ferry?
A hundred percent, yes, most definitely.
Dear GM Ferry, I don't know if you
ever read your reviews, but if you do,
please write these types of stories.
Your books are gloriously fun
and fantastically unhinged.
Sincerely, one of your devoted fans.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Could
not agree more summer.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yes.
This
Lusty Lt Lindsay: mm-hmm.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
remember who wrote it, but it
just made me kinda laugh because
it took itself way too seriously.
This was a nice book, not too
much spice, and I'm not sure
what book she was reading.
not too little and enough
story to keep it going.
I loved that it switched between
perspectives, although I could have used
a bit more Robert in the mix, not me.
Robert was boring.
His
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
would've been a great read.
I know it, otherwise, I
was happy with this one.
Really great background storylines
that made sense, so that was a plus.
My one negative is that I wanna know about
Gail, what is her evolution in the church,
and I wanna know if she's searching
for Happily Ever After or if she's
found it already for a side character.
She has gusto.
She left me wanting more, all in all
wonderful writing, and I am looking
forward to reading more from this author.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Okay.
I feel like two people wrote that
review for just a second because
the first part is like medium spice.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yeah.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Okay.
I'm not sure that I would say medium
spice and secondarily, the second part
is like, oh, Gail, what a religious icon.
I need to know more.
Like, I'm
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
was, it was baffling to
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
just so confused.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Yes.
She was such a tiny side character.
Like Gail was fine.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I know Gail, Gail.
Gail went on her own journey.
You know, I thought, I thought
she was, she really came around.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
fucking the Brussels sprouts on her
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: while
they, that's what her vacation was.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: She was
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: She was
having anal with Brussels sprouts.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: My favorite was
Biblio five stars, Proverbs 1517.
It is better to screw vegetables with
those who love you than to screw meat with
those who hate you or something like that.
was everything I wanted
in more the veggie tails.
We needed.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: So good.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Love it.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Also, Kelly, one star.
I knew this was giving Veggie Tales
fan fiction, but I didn't realize
there were going to be direct quotes.
Forget you ever saw this on my Good
Reads or else Loud and proud over here.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: Exactly.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: gave it five stars.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: I haven't
felt this, titillated by an unhinged
book since this, since this all started
with my fascination with tentacles.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
This book is interesting.
If I think about unhinged books, right?
So unhinged books that we've read, like
really unhinged, not like the, like the
hottest, smart books that we're reading
that have happened, but like, if I really
think about random unhinged books, I
would say that this is probably the
most well-written, I just was curious
as how you're gonna use a tomato.
but other than that, I actually
thought, you know, like overall a
pretty darn good unhinged smut book if
it's in the vein of smut in general,
no, I don't, I'm not gonna read that
again, but I think just as an unhinged
book, but pretty darn top tier tear.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I would
say I would definitely read
more, by GM Ferry for sure.
I am gonna put them up with who I think is
the Queen of Unhinged smut, Holly Wilds.
my favorite, the illustrious Hallowpeen
and she's written a variety of others.
I have read many of her, So I'm
putting GM Ferry up there with Holly
Wildes, who is, who is my number one.
So I'm very, I'm excited to read more.
Very impressed.
so let's,
come to a consensus.
how many chilies we're gonna give this,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: three.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
Two and a half.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: thinking three.
I was thinking three chilies.
I mean, it's a short book, but
we got a good amount of sex
scenes in a very short book,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: So 2.830,
I would not,
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
I I could do that.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
I wouldn't though
Lusty Lt Lindsay: okay.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: three.
I'll settle on three.
If you're gonna increase to 3.5.
I'll settle on three.
Yes.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: we.
Okay.
And what about Moisture Minister two?
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Two for me.
Yeah.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
Ooh, I'm gonna go with like 3.5,
maybe even four.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Wow.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I'm with you, Jess.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: scenes,
I, you know, I thought those, that la the
back half of the book had some good ones.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: I would reread,
honestly, all the sex scenes in this book.
I thought they were all great.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
I already have.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: So I'm,
Minister of Moisture - Elisa:
What's the orgasm tally
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess:
focused on my pleasure not counting.
I was winning with orgasms and
just being in the moment, not
worrying about how many there were.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: these
reviews are backed by science.
We have Charlie Marks,
we have, we have graphs.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: graphs?
Lusty Lt Lindsay: we're gonna,
gonna be split, you know, because
we can't always agree on everything.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Well,
I believe what we've done every
other time is the average, so it
would be like three and three,
Lusty Lt Lindsay: Okay.
Well, we're, we'll allow it, Well
ladies, what's on our nightstand?
Elisa: Well, this is the
end, end of season one.
Jess: it's my TVR for next
season and all of the other
things that I'm still reading.
In between smut, there's
just regular smut.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: So get ready for
season two is what we're saying.
There's gonna be smut.
Hopefully it's unhinged.
Maybe
Elisa: Yes.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: don't even know yet
'cause we haven't even read the books.
But get excited you guys.
the folds, season two coming your way.
Elisa: Releasing in August.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: The dicks are weirder.
The S mud is S muddier.
jokes are funnier.
Elisa: The same.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: but
you're gonna love it.
We hope to see you
Elisa: See you there.
Lusty Lt Lindsay: for listening.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Well.
We hope you love this Smutty
adventure as much as we did.
If we made you laugh, blush, or
question your search history, hit
that like button, subscribe and
leave us a glowing five star review.
It helps more Freaky Little Strumpets.
Find their way to us.
Got an unhinged read.
We need to tackle next slide into our dms
on Instagram at Between the Folds podcast,
and share your filthiest favorites.
For more information, past episodes
and all the juicy details, visit us
at www.betweenthefoldspodcast.com.
Until next time, we'll
see you between the folds.
Lusty Lieutenant Lindsay: Okay, bye.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Okay, bye.
Janitor of Joyful Orifices Jess: bye.
Okay, bye.
Minister of Moisture - Elisa: Ah,
Speaker 3: welcome to
the Club, Pull up a seat.
Between the Folds where
the kinks all meet.
Welcome to the Club, let's
slip right through, Between the
Folds, where literature is lube..