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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Over: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast,
Speaker 2:a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 1:So we have to park today, and I can play. And I can go on the slide, and I can climb everything. And I can run, and we're playing together. And there's a lot of leaves, so I can run at the leaves. And there's a stream, and I can I can play by the stream and caught some frogs?
Speaker 1:And and and well, I don't know what else to put. I can see a therapist tomorrow or the next day. It's almost time. She said she didn't forget me, and she said I hold my horses. I'll see her in a minute.
Speaker 1:So in a minute, maybe on another day coming up. So if I hold my horses, and I can I can hold my horses, and I can see her pretty soon, but not yet, almost? But we can already be here and be close, and I can be ready. And if it snows, I ain't so come here. But but then I gotta tell her goodbye because and I gotta tell her goodbye because Lindsay's gonna be off for some holidays, but sometimes the holidays so when I need some help, so that's a little bit hard for me.
Speaker 1:But I know she tried being nice about it, so I tried to be nice about it. It says that a baby doesn't scream when it needs something. He says a baby cries when it needs something. And when it gets what it needs, it stops crying. But when it doesn't get what it needs, that's why it screams.
Speaker 1:And he says, that's why the same with our kids. If they get what they need, they might cry, but they don't scream. But if they don't get what they need and no one's listening at them, then they will scream. But I thought maybe it's the same with us or me. I mean, I'm not screamer.
Speaker 1:We don't really have well, we are screamers, I mean, maybe that's, like, the same thing. If if we if we can get what we need and someone will listen to us, so we we don't gotta scream or do nothing that's not safe because we can get our needs and everything's okay. So it means it means my therapist, she's really good, and she really listen at me, and she really help me. So we don't gotta do nothing appropriate or or or or ugly or or causing problems. Just keep talking together and learning together, playing together.
Speaker 1:Because if our if our needs are met and if I can meet some needs, like a rescue mission or something, then maybe then maybe well, maybe everything's okay because because everything's okay. So I remind myself and tell the others everything's okay because our knees are our knees are meeting, and our therapist, she'll listen to us anything we wanna say or anything we wanna write. Or if we need help her, hey. This is really hard. I'm just saying, hey.
Speaker 1:This is really hard. So then it kind of stops right at that part. So it just kinda stops at that part. So then it doesn't have to get harder or it doesn't have to get worser because we set it. And since we set it, it can stop getting worser.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's getting harder because we said it. So it can still be hard, and it still be hard time of it. But if we say it out loud to the therapist or if we write down for the therapist, then that's meet our needs, and our therapist meet our needs. And that just means it might be hard, but it's not worser. So even when I thought it was hard, I don't think it's worser because because my my needs are meeting, and she she knows about my needs meeting, and she's good at that.
Speaker 1:And I'm good at that. So me and her, we can be a team. We can work together. So I'll get to see her soon, maybe today or tomorrow or the next day it is. I don't know.
Speaker 1:But but when I do is is my needs are meeting. And then I feel better, and they feel better. And the kids are and psychics are not so so hard time or worser because our needs are meeting. So I'm learning about that. Also, I'm walking, and I saw a squirrel, and I saw some birds.
Speaker 1:And the sun's out today. It's not cold, and it's not snowy. So it's kinda nice to play outside. So we came to the park and play outside because, also, I just really like to play outside in the sunshine and breathe me some air and hold my horses for therapy soon, but not yet. Maybe in a minute or five minutes, but I just wanna just in play with some squirrels and some birds and play on the playground and walking.
Speaker 1:And and and I am walking the leaves as a crunch, crunch, crunch, but not the same crunching as a snow crunch, crunch, crunch. It's a different kind of crunching, but I like it. I like it because it means I'm outside, and I'm playing, and I have a strong game. It's a good day and some sunshine, and I like that. But sometimes those leaves made me think it's something else and does not meet my needs is not meeting my needs.
Speaker 1:So sometimes I don't I don't like the leaves. It made me worry a little bit, but I told my therapist about it. But it reminds me of something else I I don't really wanna talk about, but I like the sunshine on. And so I try to say, see, now time is safe, and my needs are meeting. So it's okay if I if I want to just go on a little walk in the leaves and everything's okay and happy.
Speaker 1:And I try to do better and good of how to do a better job of it, have plans and rescue missions, and how maybe play. And then we can play, so we need a snack because if you have playtime, then it's snack time. So I can go through all these for because I won't get snack time. So that was a very good idea. So I just play, be nice to people, some needs meeting for outside kids, for inside kids, for everybody to be happy and strong and a good life kind of altogether and learn some things.
Speaker 1:Then when I'm done holding my horses, I can go I can go to therapy and see my therapist again because I did a good job holding my horses.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening. Your support really helps us feel less alone while we sort through all of this and learn together.