Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
If you're a single mom...or you're the friend of a single mom, listen in for practical encouragement from a mom who knows that road. Our guest, PeggySue Wells, is the bestselling author or coauthor of nearly 30 books, including The Slave across the Street with Theresa L. Flores. A history buff and lover of tropical islands, she parasails, skydives, snorkels, scuba dives, and has taken (but not passed) pilot training. Living and writing in Indiana, PeggySue helps people implement the life-giving rhythms of working hard and resting well to live better, together.
Connect with PeggySue...
Single Mom Circle
Website
Facebook
Instagram
About the book...
The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make
No matter how you became a single mom, you share the same challenges and fears all single moms have. You may feel stretched to the limit. You may suspect your children need more than you're able to give. How are you going to do this on your own?
With humor, Scripture, and sage advice, Pam Farrel (child of a single mother) and PeggySue Wells (single parent of seven children) show you how to
· be decisive
· create a nurturing home
· be proactive
· date wisely
· pray for your child
· embrace your happily ever after
· and more
You are capable of parenting your children with courage, confidence, and clarity.
Connect with PeggySue...
Single Mom Circle
Website
About the book...
The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make
No matter how you became a single mom, you share the same challenges and fears all single moms have. You may feel stretched to the limit. You may suspect your children need more than you're able to give. How are you going to do this on your own?
With humor, Scripture, and sage advice, Pam Farrel (child of a single mother) and PeggySue Wells (single parent of seven children) show you how to
· be decisive
· create a nurturing home
· be proactive
· date wisely
· pray for your child
· embrace your happily ever after
· and more
You are capable of parenting your children with courage, confidence, and clarity.
Creators & Guests
Host
What is The Connected Mom?
Form a deeper connection with God, more empathetically connection with other Moms, and more intentional connection with your child.
Becky Harling (00:03.877)
podcast where we have real conversations, helping you to connect more deeply with God, more empathically with your fellow moms and more intentionally with your child. I am Becky Harling, your host, and I have with me today my amazing co-host, Sarah Wildman. Sarah is incredible. Not only is she still raising two little boys, but she does all things techie. And so I...
just love her and I know you do too. Welcome, Sarah.
Sarah Wildman (00:37.012)
Well, thank you, Becky. I try, I try. The older I get, the less techy I feel though. I totally see that. You know, it just keeps changing. But speaking of things that we have not talked about on our podcast, we try to have a broad range of topics, but we really haven't talked about single moms. And we know that is probably some of our listeners. And so today I was thinking, Becky, that you and I have husbands that will often...
take longer trips and I've made jokes like, oh, I'm a single mom today. But the truth is, I don't really know what that's like. And I'm so glad that we have a guest today that can kind of help walk us through that so that we can support friends, right, that might be single moms or just have a lot more compassion for those who might be listening.
Becky Harling (01:24.201)
Yeah, I agree with you, Sarah. Thinking back on when Steve and I were raising our kids, we did it together, and we kind of depended on each other. When one was having a meltdown and ready to quit parenting, the other one would pull you up. Usually I was the one having the meltdown, but when one of us needed a funny story or
Sarah Wildman (01:41.38)
Yeah. Right. Me too.
Becky Harling (01:53.549)
seem to not be getting it, the other one would take over. And so, you know, through the years, as I've gotten to know a lot of single moms, I have to say they are my heroes because I don't know how they do it. And I don't know how they do it without Jesus in the mix. And so I am delighted today to introduce our guest to our audience. Our guest is Peggy Sue Wells, and she is amazing. Not only has she written like
35 books, which is incredible in and of itself. But on top of that, she loves all things adventure. I didn't, I've known Peggy Sue for a number of years, but I did not know this. So on top of being a history buff, she loves tropical islands. I do too, but I tend to lay on the beach with a good book. Peggy Sue, she parasails, she skydives, she snorkels. Now I've done snorkeling.
Sarah Wildman (02:44.072)
Ha ha ha!
Becky Harling (02:52.325)
Uh, she scuba dives and has taken pilot training. My goodness, Peggy Sue, you are an all around amazing woman. I mean, she's like an iron woman, right? You know, able to do all things well. And on top of all of that, she has been the single mom of get this girls, listen in, lean, seven children.
That in itself deserves a medal in my world. Welcome Peggy Sue.
PeggySue Wells (03:24.226)
Thank you, Sarah and Becky. It's good to spend time with you. And about that pilot training, it got stalled because I couldn't do the math. I can do the other part, but it's always the math that catches me up.
Sarah Wildman (03:38.544)
math. We hear you.
Becky Harling (03:41.241)
you can do, you don't need math, so don't worry about it. Anyway, Peggy Sue has co-authored with our dear friend Pam Farrell, who we've had before on this podcast, the 10 best decisions that single moms can make. Peggy Sue, I'm just so excited to have you here. So if you were to describe today's single mom, how would you describe her?
Sarah Wildman (03:45.317)
Let it go.
PeggySue Wells (04:10.05)
Today's single mom, one in four homes is single mom led. So every, you know, count your neighborhood, every fourth house, 50% of children in the US are expected to live in a single parent home before age 18. And most single moms, the majority of them, started out in a committed relationship and never intended or expected that they would be raising children by themselves. So it is one of those things where single parents want the same thing for their...
Becky Harling (04:20.858)
Mm.
PeggySue Wells (04:39.51)
that, you know, together parents want, which is we want our children to succeed. We want them to grow up and be healthy and happy and contributing members of society. We want them to do well with their calling. We want them to know Jesus. We want them to know that the source for everything that they need is going to be found in God because whether you're a one parent or a two parent family,
We're not enough as parents to give our children everything that they need. They need to know Jesus. And so as soon as we can introduce them to him, that's going to be the best thing, the best introduction that we can give.
Becky Harling (05:09.491)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Harling (05:18.474)
Mm, mm.
Sarah Wildman (05:18.536)
Wow. Peggy, when you look back, just curious, what age was your youngest of seven when you became a single mom? And if you wouldn't mind sharing some of the encouragement that you received during that time, I think that would really help us as we're listening in if we have friends that are maybe that one of four that you just talked about.
PeggySue Wells (05:26.605)
Mm-hmm.
PeggySue Wells (05:42.526)
Yeah, my youngest was a year old when her dad chose out. And that's when I started my journey as a single mom. And the other thing that you'll find with your single mom friends is that the majority of them do not get any sort of support, any sort of financial support, less than half do. The ones that do get about 6,000 a year, which is kind of like not even enough for braces if you've got a kid that's gonna need those. And so we're trying to balance.
Becky Harling (05:47.129)
Hmm.
Becky Harling (06:03.031)
Mmm.
PeggySue Wells (06:11.042)
Children that have a broken heart, we wanna come alongside them. We're also trying to figure out how to help with homework. If the kids got calculus, I mean, I thought, is that a disease? I'm so sorry your child has calculus, but I'm not gonna be the one to help. But we need help with homework. We need help with getting those things that need to be done around the house. When there's leak in the faucet or something like that, it's like, how do we do that? And then how do I...
Becky Harling (06:25.845)
Yeah.
PeggySue Wells (06:37.314)
figure out insurances. I remember that was kind of my bugaboo. It's how do I know, like what's the best medical insurance and the best house insurance and do I need life insurance and those kinds of things. And then there's always the maintenance on the cars, those need to get done. And oh my goodness, with seven kids, we had to get a car for each of them as they became old enough and then figure out college stuff. And so it is like all the things that need done. And the part that gets really complicated for single moms is that
when that really important relationship breaks apart, moms go into trauma. It is a huge betrayal. It's a huge shock. It's not the way that we would have anticipated our life going. And so when we go into trauma, the thinking part of our brain goes offline. And then we're in trauma brain, which is fight, flight, freeze, or please. And so a lot of times you'll look at a single mom and you're like, what is she thinking? You know, look at her behavior. What is she doing?
Becky Harling (07:14.245)
Mm.
Mm.
PeggySue Wells (07:36.31)
And we also see that with the children. We see the children of single moms frequently are the frequent flyers down at the principal's office. And we're like, see those moms are not good parents because their kids are down at the principal's office. And the truth is, we've experienced something very traumatic. We are in trauma brain, which means mom is, she's reacting, not responding. She's not thinking because it's physically impossible. For children with a broken heart that are in trauma brain,
Becky Harling (07:46.104)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (08:05.826)
that comes out in their behavior. And that's why they wind up so many times down at the principal's office. They're not bad kids. They're children with a broken heart. And so when Pam and I got together, we wrote the 10 best decisions a single mom can make because we wanted to say to these moms, I understand you're having trouble thinking. I understand it's difficult to make decisions when you most need to. And so let us help you walk through one step at a time. And as you start doing these steps and as you start
Sarah Wildman (08:31.688)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (08:36.01)
doing the things and moving in that direction, we move your brain out from trauma brain back to being online so that it's thinking so that then you can make really good decisions when you most need to.
Becky Harling (08:50.385)
You know, that's interesting, Peggy Sue, because I think it becomes very complicated because mom's in trauma, but kids are in trauma. So mom can't figure out like, okay, my child's in trauma and I need to help them, but I can't think myself because I'm in trauma. And I just think...
PeggySue Wells (09:01.816)
Yes.
Becky Harling (09:13.481)
it would get really, really complicated, you know? And for some of these single moms, how did you keep going, Peggy, when you went through this?
PeggySue Wells (09:25.794)
we really learn to lean on the Lord. And the thing that gets difficult is because there's so much, what did that look like? Yes. So for the kids and I, we realized that the things that we had thought was our foundation, the things that we had counted on, they're not there anymore. What we had thought life was like, what we thought marriage was like, what we thought family was like, had kind of like just crumbled. So what was it that we could really depend on?
Becky Harling (09:30.989)
What did that look like in your life? Yeah.
Sarah Wildman (09:52.914)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (09:55.686)
And so we did Bible time every single night. And so no matter how late we came in from whatever activities we were involved with, every night we opened scripture and every night we read at least a Psalm. When we had family time to do Bible time that was our tradition, it started off with a chapter out of the Old Testament, one out of the New Testament, a Psalm, a proverb. We had scripture we were memorizing.
We prayed, we started, we went youngest to oldest, and we prayed out loud together. And then I spoke a blessing from scripture over the children each night. And so it was the one thing that we could hold onto, it was the thing that we needed to hold onto was that the one steady in our life was going to be Jesus. It was going to be our faith walk. And even though life is hard with Jesus, I wouldn't wanna think about it without him. And so I can say now, all my children are adult, they're all grown.
Becky Harling (10:47.301)
Mm-hmm.
PeggySue Wells (10:52.722)
And each of them does have a relationship with the Lord. And I'm grateful for that because they've learned, I had to learn that this is where my foundation came from. And there were times where things that I thought, I'm not enough, no one loves me, I'm alone, I'm all abandoned, God can, but he's not gonna do it for me. Those kinds of things. Each time I realized that there was something that I was thinking in my head that didn't align with scripture.
Becky Harling (10:58.681)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (11:18.838)
That meant that I could go back to scripture and say, what is the lie that I'm believing? I need to root that out. And then I need to replace it with truth because that's where health was going to come. And that would allow me to be really just more pleasant to be with for my children.
Becky Harling (11:37.261)
Hmm. I love that. I love how you were all in it together. I mean, I realized, you know, first of all, kudos to you for getting seven children to sit through a Psalm, a proverb, an Old Testament, and a New Testament. I don't know how you did that, but kudos to you for speaking blessing over them.
Sarah Wildman (11:37.733)
Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wildman (11:51.675)
Yeah
PeggySue Wells (11:54.054)
I can tell you that moving...
PeggySue Wells (11:59.422)
Yeah, and actually the rules about that was you could move. You know, the kids are playing with Legos. I was folding laundry. We traded the reading out based from each kid. Anybody that could read got their chance to read. And so we, you know, circled that around. You could be busy. You just needed to not be distracting and not make noise. And the same thing was in church. When we're sitting in church, you can move. I just need you to not make noise so that we're not distracting from what's happening.
Sarah Wildman (12:07.044)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Harling (12:24.74)
Yep.
Becky Harling (12:28.433)
Yeah, that's great.
Sarah Wildman (12:28.616)
Uh-huh. I have a seven-year-old and we've been doing some Bible stories every night that the nine-year-old son really loves, but the seven-year-old, he's not sure. He's a buyer yet. And so that's exactly what I've let him do, Peggy. He's out in the side playing with his cars or whatever, but as long as he's listening, and I pray he is, it's like, let's just keep the chaos under control. That's a great tip. Great tip.
PeggySue Wells (12:50.134)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Becky Harling (12:56.515)
Yeah.
PeggySue Wells (12:57.175)
And some of our kids learn better when they are moving. I'm one of those, I'm usually moving or something and that's how I'm absorbing what I'm hearing. The other thing that I had to learn with my children is that because we all have broken hearts, we did a couple of things. One was if I'm feeling hurt or upset or angry at the moment, I'm allowed to have that feeling, but I can't take it out on someone else. And I can't demand that other person feel the way that I feel because
Becky Harling (13:03.613)
Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wildman (13:04.956)
That's right.
Becky Harling (13:22.777)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (13:24.074)
At the moment, they may be fine. You know, things may be going well in their life. So we had to give each other opportunity to say, I understand you feel how you feel and you can do that, but we're just not gonna take it out on others or say the way that you're feeling is wrong. And then I really had to learn about the five Rs. And that was something that God taught me because I'm like, gosh, we come together and we've got.
heartache and we've got different things that are coming in and when was the last phone call with the other side of the family and when was the last visit and how are we feeling about things? And so I had this situation where I'm like, God, I can see we're sort of picking on one another. So like, how do I not do that? And he showed me the five Rs. And the best story I can tell you about that is that one Saturday morning, my teenage daughter Hannah was browsing around the house. And so I made her pancakes and tea and told jokes.
She didn't drink the tea and she didn't laugh at my jokes and she just pushed the pancake around on her plate. And so I'm feeling very rejected now because I've done these things and she hasn't received them and she hasn't changed and so I'm feeling rejected. So that's the first R was rejection. And then I realized I don't like feeling rejected. So now I'm feeling resentment. And so in that resentment, I make up a story in my head about why she's being the way she's being. And then I moved into resistance.
Becky Harling (14:41.338)
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
PeggySue Wells (14:44.01)
like, okay, fine, you're not gonna look at me, I'm not gonna look at you, you're not gonna talk to me, I'm not talking to you. So that is, if you've ever received or given the silent treatment, you're in resistance. So that's number three of the Rs. Then you move into revenge. And so because my heart is hurting, I want her to know that my heart is hurting. So it makes no sense, but generally the way we do that is we do something unkind to the other person so that then their heart is hurting too.
which has no maturity to it whatsoever, but it is something that we do. So as I'm sitting there at the table thinking, all right, I'm gonna say to her, hey, what about that homework? Are you keeping those grades above C level? You would have heard that stiletto coming out of my mouth and it would have been aimed at her. And so if you're the teenager sitting across from your mom and your mom starts firing these things at you.
what is she going to do? She's going to automatically start backing up like, whoa, mom's on the war path, give her space. And so that would have been me being in revenge, which was the fourth R. And as I'm in revenge and saying things that are unkind to her and she's backing up, then we go into repeat, which is the fifth R, because she will be pulling away from me so then I feel rejected again.
Becky Harling (15:47.016)
and
PeggySue Wells (16:02.014)
And so then we start this cycle over and over and over again. And this is how we alienate relationships, sometimes to the point that they're not repairable. And so right at that time, at that moment, where I was about to say something about her homework, I felt God going, you're there again, you're in the five Rs. And I was like, oh, I recognize that. So at that point I said to her, Hannah, the story I'm making up in my head right now is that you would rather be anywhere on Saturday morning than home here with me because I stink as a mom.
Becky Harling (16:04.795)
Mmm.
Sarah Wildman (16:12.22)
Hmm.
Becky Harling (16:23.173)
Mm.
PeggySue Wells (16:31.558)
And she kind of looks up from her pancake that she was pushing around and blinked. And she said, I just found out that the boy I babysit for has leukemia.
It had nothing to do with me. I had made up a story in my head, out of that story in my head, that became my reality, and that's how I was then interacting with her. And the truth is, people do what they do for their own reasons. It rarely has anything to do with us, but we make up stories. As soon as I feel rejected, I make up a story in my head, and it's always negative, and then that is my reality, that then I interact with other people.
Becky Harling (16:43.909)
Hmm.
Sarah Wildman (16:44.946)
Aww.
Becky Harling (16:47.352)
Mm-hmm.
Sarah Wildman (16:50.044)
Hmm.
Becky Harling (17:06.76)
Yep.
PeggySue Wells (17:11.146)
So one of the best things that the Lord showed to me in trying to have like a safe home, a safe place for our emotions and a safe place for our relationships was stick to the facts. So when I feel like I'm feeling rejected, I need to go back and say, what are the facts? And I need to stick to the facts. Because if I stick to the facts that my daughter was grousing around the house on Saturday, that would have been fine. I just would have gone on around my day. Eventually when she felt like talking, she would have said something.
Sarah Wildman (17:25.352)
Mm.
PeggySue Wells (17:40.766)
And so we've been able to practice that. My children now understand about the five Rs because we've done it together. So recently we had a wedding. So if you want to have drama, have a wedding. And so we've had six weddings going on our seventh. And so the one daughter that was doing the shower says to me, so mom, is your friend coming? Because I'm putting out the table settings. I need to know who's going to be here. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know if she's coming. I invited her. I called twice. I haven't heard anything. I don't know if she's coming.
Becky Harling (17:42.649)
Mmm.
Becky Harling (17:53.381)
Mm-hmm.
PeggySue Wells (18:10.574)
Do you hear the story I've made up in my head? You hear the stilettos coming out of my mouth. And so my daughter says, "'So mom, what's the facts?' And I was like, "'Oh, the facts. "'Well, the facts are,' "'I invited her, called twice, haven't heard. "'You know what? I'll call again.'" Sticking to the facts takes away that feeling of rejection, takes away the negative stories that we make up in our head, and it allows us to just be in relationship with one another and just...
Sarah Wildman (18:23.014)
Oh.
PeggySue Wells (18:39.666)
be accepting of one another, be gracious, be generous. And so those are the green lights that we can put into our relationship rather than those five Rs, which are the red lights for our relationships.
Becky Harling (18:53.749)
I love that Peggy Sue. You know, years ago I remember hearing Cynthia Heald speak and she talked about asking yourself what is the truth in this situation. Excuse me. Sarah, you want to continue?
Sarah Wildman (19:14.944)
Sure, sure. Peggy Sue, I was thinking about that story that you just shared with the friend that didn't show up. And I'm hoping as somebody that has a spiritual gift of encouragement that there were people that came beside you and encouraged you. But I pick up, I'm going to go on a limb and say that you are a very strong woman. And sometimes when you're a strong woman, people go...
Becky Harling (19:17.11)
Cough
Sarah Wildman (19:42.712)
I think she's good. Like, I don't know how to enter. I don't know how to encourage or give practical help, right? Because you're like, Peggy Sue's got it together, right? Like, I don't know if I could help. So what are some tips for moms like me that have friends who are single to enter in? And how do we best help when maybe on the outside they look like they have it all together? They're strong women. They're doing their thing. But what...
PeggySue Wells (19:47.59)
Yeah.
Sarah Wildman (20:11.856)
What would you hope a friend would do for you in that case?
PeggySue Wells (20:15.526)
I know in my case, I felt like I needed to always look like I had it together on the outside because I already felt less than, I already felt rejected. I already felt like the person who knew me, you know, hopefully the most intimately had chosen not to be here. And so I already felt like, gosh, I just can't show any weakness. You know, I can't do that because I'm already being judged from the outside. Was I a good mom? Was I a good wife? That sort of thing.
So having people that came alongside, one of the first things that happened was, I have a very dear friend out in California, she was my first co-author, and she called me and she said, I don't understand this, but I will walk through every step of the way with you. And she's been that faithful person. And then I've also had a couple of people that said, you know what Peggy Sue, cause I would get on a jag or I'm hurt and I'm angry and stuff is coming out of my mouth cause I'm a verbal processor and I need to verbalize things.
Becky Harling (21:01.081)
Mm-hmm.
PeggySue Wells (21:12.75)
but I've had a couple of people that have come back to me and said, yes, I hear you, yes, I understand that, and it couldn't have been all bad. Or, you know what, maybe you could reframe that in a different way, or perhaps, and so because they spoke truth in a way that was gentle and that was loving, they were able to help me get out from just being in those negative jags, we call those the four Cs, when my vocabulary is filled with criticism, condemning, complaining, and excuses.
Becky Harling (21:15.065)
Hmm
PeggySue Wells (21:43.058)
I'm stuck and I'm stuck in a negative bad place. And so people that would help me out of that, I had a mentor who I met with for a while and she said to me one day, you can keep coming each week. We'll keep talking about everything from the kids to the neighbors, to the coworkers, to church, to work, to whatever, we'll keep doing that. But if you really wanna do the work, and I'm like, what, you mean me? And she said, you're the one common denominator in all of the things that we're talking about. And I said,
Sarah Wildman (21:49.185)
Um...
PeggySue Wells (22:13.178)
Yes, let's do it because whatever junk and baggage I don't pick up and clean up in myself, I'm going to pass that on to my children. And you know what? They've got enough of their own to deal with, so let's do it. So we did the hard work and I'm here to say it was six months of snotting and crying and using up all of her Kleenex while I just got this stuff out and where we re-examined it and we reframed it and we looked at it based on
Sarah Wildman (22:14.706)
Mm.
Sarah Wildman (22:27.516)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (22:38.018)
Did this really slip through God's hands? Do you think God didn't know that this was how it was gonna be? Can God actually do these things that I need him to do? Is he really there for me? And so as we got all that out and I replaced those lies with truth, and as I got healthy, one of my daughters who lived in a different state at the time came home at Christmas, found my mentor at church, wrapped her arms around her neck and said, thank you for giving us our mom back.
Sarah Wildman (22:50.332)
Wow.
Becky Harling (22:50.341)
Hmm
PeggySue Wells (23:06.294)
Because the truth was I was in so much pain and I was so bitter, I could walk into a room and suck all the good air right out of it. And that's not fair for my children, but it's like having a migraine. When you have a migraine, when you're in that kind of pain, all you think about is the pain. And I needed someone to help me to get out of it. And then the people that have come alongside and treated me like I wasn't this weird person who's a single in a couple's world but have just kept loving me the way I was.
Sarah Wildman (23:24.648)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (23:34.326)
the ones that included my children and things and didn't treat them weird because they were from a home where it was just a mom, those were the people that have become our really, really very good best friends because one is a whole number. And I needed to be okay being a one because if I'm not okay as a one, I'll never be okay as a two. And so some of us are called to singleness, some of us will remarry, that's God's decision. But.
Becky Harling (23:52.189)
Hmm
PeggySue Wells (24:01.186)
to have people that came alongside and love my kids and included us and invited us to holidays and invited us to regular things that you do with friends. Those are the things that we really needed. And then once in a while when somebody would say, hey, what's going on? And I'd be like, oh, you know what? I just don't know what to do, but I've got this sump pump in my basement and it's not working right. And they would say, oh, you know what? Let me come take a look. Or here's the number of the person that can call because.
It's like everything else, there's things in the house, things with my car, things with homework, things that I just don't know. And so if you just come alongside as a friend and say here, you know, yeah, I get that too, I know somebody or let me come take a look. Also knowing too that if you help a single mom once, you're not having to help her forever. She's not gonna be a big taker. Single moms work hard, we're keeping the house going, we're keeping the kids going, we're keeping the family going, we're showing up at church, we're doers, we're workers.
Sarah Wildman (24:34.705)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (24:53.354)
So in the areas where I'm weak, I could use somebody to come alongside, but I'm here to tell you, I've got strengths and I will loan my strengths to you and I will be there to help you clean out your garage or paint your room or whatever it is that you need to do. But if I can do it, I will be there beside you. So we're doers, we're workers. We're not gonna be somebody who's gonna suck you dry.
Becky Harling (25:13.933)
Hmm. I love all of that, Peggy Sue. As I've been thinking back on the last few years, and all the women who I have prayed with, who have discovered that their husband is now divorcing them and they're left with children, all of them go through fear. Like, I don't want to do this. I can't do this.
Sarah Wildman (25:14.108)
Hmm.
Sarah Wildman (25:38.834)
Hmm.
Becky Harling (25:42.549)
I don't want this for my children. This is not what I chose. I want to work at it. And what encouragement can you give the moms that are listening today in the realm of fear? Because I think a lot of them think, you know, am I going to survive? How do I do this? You know, so what would you say to those moms today?
PeggySue Wells (26:06.702)
Fear is a big thing and it's, yeah, it's probably the biggest thing that haunts us and also the feeling that we're not enough. And I would want that mom to know that being a single mom is your experience, it is not your identity. Single mom, single is a relationship status and it changes, your relationship status can change. Being a mom, that's always.
Becky Harling (26:25.799)
Mmm, so good.
PeggySue Wells (26:33.506)
God gave the children to the best mom for those kids. And so it's not an accident that you're the mom for those children. Also, God was not completely surprised that you are in a single parent home. I was sure that one had slipped by him on my part, but it's not, he knew. And he knows that in all of our situations.
Sarah Wildman (26:52.005)
I'm sorry.
Becky Harling (26:52.692)
Ha ha!
PeggySue Wells (26:57.558)
You know, we're missing things. We're without something. We're without that extra engine and a two-engine plane that I wanted to be in. But in my weakness, people say that saying, God won't give you more than you can handle. I beg to differ. He gave me tons more than I could ever handle on the best day of the week. And why? Because in my weakness, I leaned into Him. I leaned on Him and He's my strength and He's my wisdom and He's the one that comes underneath.
And so we learn a lot more to lean onto the Lord. And then when we do that, we find He really does love us. He really does have our best. And you know what? Going through hard times, going through challenges, going through trials, going through stress is not bad. It's not a judgment. A lot of times it is exactly the foundation that is going to form some really, really good character in us.
so that we will understand what other people are doing. It makes us stronger so that we can fulfill our calling in the Lord.
Becky Harling (28:01.225)
I love that also. You've been so helpful, Peggy Sue, from your five Rs to your four Cs to, you know, remembering that the number one is a whole number. I love that. To remember that your singleness is not your identity, it's your circumstance. And so as we close out today, Peggy, would you just pray for every single mama?
out there who's listening. And then we'll wrap up here.
PeggySue Wells (28:34.874)
Mm, my pleasure. Lord God, we lift up the single moms that are listening. We lift up the single moms that the listeners who are listening know. Lord, we lift up the single moms that are in this situation at the moment. And Father God, please remind them that you are at work even in this. In fact, you are at work in deep ways in this. And I pray Lord God in Jesus' name that you would bring our children through so that they're strong and they're healthy and that they're dependent on you.
Becky Harling (28:55.717)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (29:03.53)
remind us always, Lord, to lean into you. And Father God, when we're feeling like we're not enough, and when we're feeling like nobody's gonna ever love us, and when we're feeling like, gosh, we're just humiliated and embarrassed and we're ashamed, then Father God, I pray that you would come alongside and remind us who we are in you, that you loved us, and that you loved us enough to give your life, and that you love us enough that you have given us the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Becky Harling (29:24.005)
Hmm.
PeggySue Wells (29:29.398)
that indwells us at this moment as our guide and as our friend and as our counselor, and that you never leave us alone, and that we are loved. Thank you, Father God, Lord. Give us our children to know that they can go forward and that they can depend on you and that you have great things for all of us in all situations, in Jesus' name, amen.
Becky Harling (29:52.581)
Amen. Hey friends, I want to be sure that you got the name of the book because I think there's a lot of you listening who need this book and perhaps you have a friend who could use this book. It's called the 10 best decisions that a single mom can make. You can get it on Amazon and you know, I would hop over there today before you forget.
Order the book and start going through it. And I hope you were encouraged today. If Peggy Sue can raise seven kids, you can too. Maybe not seven, maybe you only have two and that's okay too, but you're gonna make it and we're cheering for you. And so we'd love to hear from you. If this episode impacted you, would you write to us? You can write to me at becky at beckyharling.com.
Sarah Wildman (30:28.543)
Hahaha
Becky Harling (30:43.877)
and talk to us about how this episode ministered to you. Until next week, we'll see you and we'll have another episode next Thursday on The Connected Mom, talking about how you can connect more deeply with God, more empathically with your fellow moms and more intentionally with your child. Thanks for joining us.