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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
There is very little time or point in an explanation. To be blunt,
the audio came from a timeline and dimension that has collapsed
at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in terms of existence.
Operational time in the dimensional continuum where the beings that
created the audio collapsed in on itself, rendering all of their
civilization, including technology, null and void. Timelines across
the entire continuum are collapsing and changing. The destruction
has a nexus that centers on cinema. Psyops.
Ten years. Man 1010 years.
Ten years. Man ten years. Ten years.
1010 years.
Ten years.
What is the most likely way humanity. Will be wiped out? Maybe it's something
from space or us. Although the way the world
ends might be because of you. And if this is the case, you wouldn't have
any control over it. The global temperature rise underscores a chilling
reality. Our planet is trying to tell us something, but we don't
seem to be listening. A recent study has suggested that one. Third of annual
deaths due to heat are directly related to global warming.
On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear light, which is
180 million degrees, which catches everything on fire
in a nine mile diameter radius. On top of the bulldozing effect of
the wind, all the buildings coming down, and more fires igniting
more fires on top of the radiation if they happen to have survived poisoning
people to death. On top of all that, each one of these fires creates
a mega fire that is 100 or more square
miles.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.
The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema psyops.
A breathtaking scientific revolution is taking place.
Biotechnology has been progressing at stunning speed,
giving us the tools to eventually gain control over biology,
solving the deadliest diseases. While also creating viruses
more dangerous than nuclear bombs. Able to devastate
humanity. It's man returning to the
most primal, violent state as people fight over
the tiny resources that remain.
What if the world we live in is just a dream or a simulation?
Whether it's a dream or some advanced computer game you are playing right
now, now, when it ends, you would be what causes the end of the world.
Please, do us all a favor, continue dreaming or playing this
game of life, because when you wake up or unplug, there's a chance
the rest of us will be blaked out of existence.
Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and
changing. The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema
sileps. 1010 years.
Ten years? Hello,
and welcome to the 477th
consecutive week of cinema Psyops. This episode represents
the 477th week that we have been
doing this show well into our 10th year, and this
is, in fact, a decade of dimwitted dipshittery that this
show represents a fucking decade. Can you believe that
horseshit? And rushing in before he's actually introduced as my co
host, Matt. Oh, yeah, I kind of got. I got ahead of myself. My bad.
You doing Caddy Shaq as the first episode that we
record for this session for what will be this
week's episode of 477. Man,
you're. How can you not be amped? Yeah, I'm fucking.
Let's do. I mean, I'm fucking. I want to get going, tell people to learn
about it. Yeah. You may or may not be shocked to learn that Caddyshack
is actually not my favorite comedy. You know what? That doesn't shock
me. It's not my favorite, either. I like it, but it's not my
favorite. Yeah, well, I guess I asked for a top ten
or, like, you know, your ten favorite movies that you've been wanting to cover
for, like, ever. It's definitely in my top ten for comedies. Well, I would hope
so, because it was in your top ten that you were given to choose for
the show. Exactly. I'm just saying.
Yeah, it was in a ten list. A top ten list of things other than
Star wars that you wanted to cover on this show badly. Yeah. Cause you just
won't give me Star wars. This is fucking weird, man.
What can I say? I'm a sadistic prick, and I know how much pain this
is causing you for us to cover it, it really is. It's like, what the
fuck is up with that? Remember villain.
Yeah, you talk.
I'm only a villain for you, baby. That's right.
Nobody else. Just for me. Well, you and a few select
other people, but mostly. Yeah, but they don't even know about it. I'm the
only one that knows. I'm the only one where you get sexual pleasure out of
being mean to. Well, I definitely can't say that.
I was bored. Oh, God.
If you keep singing, I don't know if I could do this. It's stuck in
my head. Dude, I'm sorry. We got to get going. All right, well,
let's stop fucking around, then. We'll just make it a shorter episode, I suppose,
up first. Well, I don't know how short it's going to be, because we.
I mean, there's so much behind the scenes shit to talk about with fucking Caddyshack.
Fair. Well, let's get started on the pirate radio edit this week. It's all
songs out of the soundtrack of Cat.
If Kenny Loggins in this, I don't even know you anymore.
Up first legion, Patreon, ad. Immediately following is Hilly Michaels with something. Wait,
hold on. Yeah. It's not Kenny lock. It's not yet.
Fucker. Fine. All right. You better show up. All right, up first.
I believe this is from the incident with the
yacht. Is Hilly Michaels with something on your
mind? Right after this. This will keep you quiet. Oh,
hi there. I didn't picked up what you did, and, you know, now he's
running with it, so. Oh, well, that's good for him. Good. He deserves a friend.
I know. Yeah, I know. I mean, Lord knows it's not you.
And I don't want to touch that mess. Well, I'm Lord and master. I'm not
supposed to be his friend. Yeah, you really enjoy
that title. Little too much. You know that, right? I'm a supervillain.
Yeah, well, I don't know about super. You're a villain.
You're a lab action away from being a supervillain. Speaking of Halloween
stuff, did you get the freaking cards from Shamir?
Yes. From counselor Dan and Shapir? Yeah. You got them both?
Yeah, of course. Millicent. You know, poor Millicent. She seems really
high strung women. She included a nice little note for me
about clean living and maybe I should, you know, get back on the fat and
the fatty foods and the drinking. The alcohol. The alcohol in
the bad eating, in the gambling. There you go. You know, oddly enough,
in my cart, she included a note for me trying
to get you to do the clean living, avoid the fat
and the drinking. And, I mean, it's nice that she's concerned,
but. Yeah, but, like, why is she writing that to me about you?
I don't know. I know she's not allowed to listen to the show, but clearly
she doesn't know that I don't care about your well being. I bought a shaman's.
It was much like another Christmas type card, only for
Halloween. And he wasn't in costume. It was in his traditional robes.
And it had a nice little saying on the back of it, some nice words.
And I thought that was nice. But then it came with an envelope, and in
the envelope, he billed me for the card and the words. Did you
get billed till. Yeah. Wait, you got billed for the advice on the
back of the card? Yeah. Did you say anything, like, particularly special? Like.
No. He said, keep your chin up, kiddo. That was yours?
Yeah. Oh, my God. He wrote some shit about, like, my soul eagle could fly.
If I would only open my eyes to mother Earth. Why did you get that?
I gotta. Keep your chin up, kiddo. I don't understand this
guy. You know how much he charged me for that? I don't even want to
know. Do you know how much I got your. He charged me $2,500.
$2,500 for. Keep your chin up. Keep your chin up, kiddo.
I'm disputing those, char. Yeah, I already
contacted some people, so. Yeah. That's ridiculous.
You know what? You only charged me $700 and you wrote me this long dino
tribe. What is the guy who gets deep? Well, I don't know.
I'm guessing that perhaps the 2500 may have
something to do with the counseling for Dan. Oh, yeah.
Whereas my 700 might actually just be. What he's trying to charge
me is for the whole soul legal speech, by the way. If you're gonna charge
me, though, don't submit my card, shaman. Yeah, no, fine. I don't need your
help, Rick. Yeah, yeah. If I need your help, then I'll come do that.
Yeah, if you're gonna spam us, for God's sakes, don't charge us, too.
Oh, my God, man. That is a weird fucking
song to be in Caddyshack. And it fucking rules. I fucking love,
but it works with the fucking scene. Yeah. Was I right? Was it when the
naval attack thing kind of. I believe so. It's the whole boating
incident. Yeah, yeah, the whole boating. Where he just basically wrecks everything.
Yeah. Where he just fucking runs into everything. Cause he's running fucking Dangerfield.
Yeah. See, that's the thing that I love about this movie, is the Rodney moments.
Like, that's the only reason I watch it. And, like, I can't wait to gush
on those. So let's get going. Well, and also, I'm in love with the guy
who plays Danny as the actor. That guy fucking rocks.
Anyway. All right, K Shack, let's get into it. The first 20
minutes, we start gophers dancing to
Kenny Loggins. So, you know, just saying,
get after it. That it should be in the end episode. Yeah,
it should have been there already. We should be listening. It should just play in
the background while we fucking do this. Every time you complain about me not
paying, playing Kenny Loggins is going to get pushed further and further later in the
episode. You are just a maniacal dick villain,
all right. What? I'm a villain? You are. Yeah. Anyway,
all right, well, we see a large catholic family, and it seems to
suck to be in this large of a family. Some of them are just fucking
cousins around here.
So, anyway, he gets out of the house, and his
dad is getting on him about going to college and college fun. Anyway,
fuck that. Well, let's get our asses to Bushwood. And.
And he gets there while riding a bike through all the rich neighborhoods.
And it's time to Caddy for Ty Webb.
Awesome. In this movie. Chevy Chase. Shitty in
life. Chevy Chase, in our first clip. Hey, Mister Webb,
can I ask you something? Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy. Danny.
Danny, Danny. When you were my age, did you
ever have trouble deciding what you wanted. To do with your life?
No, I never had that problem. Really? Why?
Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.
You take drugs, Danny? Every day. Good. So what's the problem?
I don't know. I don't know. Did you have to take that cooter preference
test when you were a senior in high school? Oh, yeah. I took it.
They said I should be a fire watcher. What are you supposed to be?
An underachiever. I gotta go to
college. I gotta. Danny, this is in Russia.
Is this Russia? This is in Russia.
No, the thing is, really. Do you want to go to college in Nebraska?
Besides, it costs like, $8,000 a year. Hold on, Danny.
I went. You what? 250 yesterday. I can't foot the bill for everything right here.
Ask for money. It's just that my dad, Hank, he can't afford it. I haven't
even told him about the scholarship I didn't get. I'm gonna end up working in
a lumberyard the rest of my life. What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumber
yards. I noticed you don't spend too much time there. Not sure where they are.
I like you, Betty. It's Danny, sir. Danny, I'm gonna give you a little advice.
There's a force in the universe makes things happen.
All you have to do is get in touch with it.
Stop thinking. Let things happen and be
the ball.
Danny. Danny. Sir? Where's the wedge?
Right here, sir. Thank you, Danny. Find your center.
Hear nothing, feel nothing.
That was kind of incredible. You try, Danny. Pardon me. Pardon you.
Here, you try it.
Huh? I don't know. Go ahead.
Just relax. Find your center. Picture the
shot, Danny. Picture it. Turn off all
the sound. Just let it
happen. Be the ball. Be the ball,
Danny. You're not being the bald annie.
Well, it's kind of difficult with you talking like that. I'm not talking.
Stop talking. Not talking.
Now,
where'd it go? Right in the lumberyard. Okay.
Everything I like about this movie I'm going to attribute to Doug Kenny's writing just
because. Yeah. And that entire scene is all Doug Kenny. It has to
be. Is this one of the last movies he did? It is the. Before he
died. Yeah, he got, like, he got. This is the one that gave him the
script, gave him the note to write and kind of was he could write his
own check in Hollywood. And then it is basically presumed
that he had his accidental death, but it's also assumed by
a lot of people that he slipped and fell while looking for a place to
jump to, was what was basically speculated. Yeah. And this is
just a couple years after animal house,
so maybe a few years. Right. And he was disappointed
with how things turned out after animal house from what. Yeah, from what you know
about, like, biography and things like that that people said.
And he really wasn't even happy with what happened with this one,
even though this was a big hit there. Just. He just wasn't happy with it.
Doug Kenny, I think, is one of those artists who I don't think was happy
with really anything he did, even though if it was good, he just.
I think he had problems with it. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah.
So anyway, because you actually notice, because the
humor is very. Caddyshack and animal house are very much the same
thing. I mean, this one was directed by Harold Ramis, which is
also always blows my mind that this is directed by Harold Ramis.
So judge smells, drives up
and sees a gopher. And that leads to our next clip.
Do you know what I just saw? No, sir. A gopher.
Gopher? Where? Do you know what gophers can do to
a golf course? I think they're tunneling in from that
construction site over yonder. Cervic construction company.
I'll slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make that head spin,
those gophers, or I'll be looking for a new greenskeeper. Is that clear?
Aye, sir. Very clear, sir. I'll put my best
mind on it. Misses Crane, I'm looking at
you. You are green so you could hide.
I don't blame you. You're a tramp. Oh, that was a good
one. Oh, that was right where you wanted. Oh, misses Crane, you're a little monkey
woman, you know that? You're a little monkey. You're lean, you're mean.
And you're not too far between either, I bet, are you? Huh?
Would you like to wrap your spikes around my head?
Calm your eyes, man. I told you to cut the long grass on the 13th
and remove the practice green. I was unavoidably
detained. How you can forget about
the 13th. And the practice green. I got a more important job.
I want you to kill every golfer on the course.
Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna
lock me up and throw away the key. Golfers? You're greek. Yet not
golfers. The little brown furry rodents. We can do that.
We don't even have to have a reason. Do it, man. All right. Let's do
the same thing, but with gophers.
It's not my fault nobody can understand what you're saying.
Oh, God. Just fucking awesome. Also gonna credit
that all to Doug Kenny, that is. And then the
writing to the Bill Murray. Yeah. It's just. Bill Murray's the comedy.
Yeah. And also, yeah, Chevy Chase is a shit human being,
but, fuck, can he act his ass off into comedy in this movie? God,
was he so good. This. And Fletch just fucking. Well,
Doug Kenny and him were pretty much lifelong friends, or were really, really close for
a very long time. They were very close. One of the few friends
Chevy Chase ever had. Right. And Doug would be able to
write dialogue specifically for Chevy's delivery and
basically would write it around the punches. That's why
he was never quite as good as what he is here in any. Yeah,
yes, exactly. Except for Fletch. Well,
yes, but someone also was writing for those. For him.
If you write for him, he can be really good. Yeah. Like, that's why he
was good in community for as long as he lasted in it. It's because they
wrote for him. And when you do that, you're gonna get a winner.
All right, so now we find ourselves out at the Caddyshack and,
God, we'll talk about the seed after the clip, but it is our
next clip. So I jump ship in the Hong Kong, and I make my
way over to Tibet, and I get down as a looper at a corsa with
her in himalayas. A looper? A looper.
You know, Caddy, looper, jock. So I tell them I'm a pro jock.
And who do you think they can be? The dolly Lama
himself, the 12th son of the llama. The flowing robes,
the grace, bald,
striking. So I'm on a first t. What am I giving to the driver?
He hauls off and whacks. One hit her, the lama.
Long. Into a 10,000 foot crevice
right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the llama says?
No.
So he finished 18, and he's gonna stiff me. And I say,
hey, Lama. Hey, how about a little something, you know?
Pretty effort, you know? And he says, oh, there won't be any money,
but when you die, on your deathbed,
you will receive total consciousness.
So I got that going, which is nice.
Nice. Oh, God.
And that scene is so funny, because that kid, when you watch it,
he is legit nervous because Murray's got a fucking pitchfork
up on him. And that's why he can't stop. He's nervous as shit because
Murray's just being fucking nutty and just really poking him with
the fucking pitchfork.
Have you ever watched documentaries on this movie? Which is fucking hilarious. He's got
that kid fucking cornered. Like,
he's obviously not going to hurt him, but it's when
you've got the pitchfork that close to you, you still aren't going to trust the
guy not to slip. Like, it's absolutely terrifying.
And scene. Yeah, but here's the
thing. That actor, I think he was like, yeah, you could say
now. Yeah, I knew he never was going to do it then. I didn't know
because we're all hammered drunk. Everyone's on drugs.
He goes, you don't know? I don't know. Fuck it. Everyone was crazy in that
movie. I'm like, jesus Christ. That's a lot.
The behind the scenes of what was going on while they were making this film
is so much more fascinating than the film itself. It's true. Yeah,
the film is good, but God damn, I watched a documentary
once about it, and it is. It's. I mean, the guy Ted Knight almost
had to walk off set, not because he was mad at anybody, because they were
getting drunk every night, and he was an older gentleman, dead. He was like,
holy shit. Because. Yeah, they were just fucking partying all.
All the time. Well, yeah, on set, that shit's
gonna happen. He was notorious for his part, of course. Yeah,
right? So then we see the other.
One of the other main caddies. His name's Tony. He's caddying for some
really old folks and not having a great time with it.
Poor guy's having some problems. So then he
gets back, he wants a coke, but the coke costs too much because Lou's losing
money at the track. Lou, who's the head of all the caddies,
he's. It's Bill Murray's brother. So he.
He and Donnie are gonna fight now because Donnie's kind of being an asshole.
And the fight. And then Tony's
little brother, who had the pitchfork on him, jumps on Danny
and Lou breaks it up. And that leads to our next clip. What's that
sign saying? No bare feet. What's that sign saying? No fighting.
What's it mean? No fighting. You want me one gumball machine?
What's that candy rapper doing there? Not just see it, take it up.
I'm gonna put it right on the line. There've been a lot of complaints already.
Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass,
poor caddying. If you guys want to get fired, want to be replaced by golf
carts, just keep it up. All right, one announcement.
Carl lippbaum died last week in summer school from a severe anxiety
attack. I heard he swallowed his vomit during a test. However it
happened, he was a good caddy and a good kid. He was a brown nose.
Knew you hated him. Shut up. That means the caddy scholarship is available
again, and anyone who's interested should go see judge smales and
kisses ex. That would help. All right, let's move on. We got golfers
waiting. Let's go. You, Angie, pick up that blood. Hey,
Lou, what kind
of grades do I need for this caddy scholarship deal? Well,
if you've been a good caddy, I think they're kind of lenient. Well, we're just
about to tee off now, so call the hospital and move my appointment with misses
bellows back 30 minutes. What?
Oh, well, just snake a tube down her nose,
and I'll be there in four or 5 hours. Testing now.
Three, two, one.
Check. Do you have any eights?
Don't you have homes for
our house? Yes, sir, judge. There's a brown audie parked in my parking space.
Yes, sir. Get a tow truck over here and have it hauled away immediately.
Right away, judge. Right away, sir. Sir.
Oh, Porter. Yes, sir. Yes, sir, judge. Yes, sir.
Look at the wax buildup on those shoes. This is fine leather.
I want that wax stripped off there. I want them creamed and buffed with a
fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop. Got em.
Chuck, smally, get dressed. You're playing golf today. No,
I'm not, Grandpa. I'm playing tennis. You're playing golf, and you're going to like
it. What about my asthma? I'll give you asthma.
What did you shoot today? Oh, I don't keep score, judge. Oh. Well, how do
you measure yourself with other golfers? By height. You know, you should play
with Doctor Bieber myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three
years running, and I'm no slouch myself. Don't sell yourself
short, judge. You're a tremendous slouch. Oh, say, Fred,
have you heard the latest one about the Jew, the Catholic and the colored boy
who went to heaven?
Yeah, that's a doozy,
judge. Why you son of a bitch.
I'll fix you, you hunny.
Yeah, I can't park my car. Get my bags and put on
some weight, will you? Hey,
Wang, what's with the pictures? It's a parking lot. Come on.
I think this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell me you're jewish.
Okay, fine. Hey, kid, I'm Al cervic. I'm playing with Drew Scott today.
This is my guest, Mister Wang. No offense. Oh, why? Can you hear me?
Have a half a dozen of those Vulcan d ten s and set my friend
up here with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes,
gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls, I'll have a box of
those. Bring me a box of those naked lady tees. And give me two of
those. Give me six of those. Oh, this is the worst looking hat I ever
saw. Well, you buy a hat like this, I bet you get a free bowl
of soup. Oh, it looks good on you though. That's where
he should have laid that. No offense. Yeah, no offense.
Oh God. Yeah, just good shit
all the way here. Romney Dangerfield being introduced. Just being Romney
Dangerfield is also just fucking epic in all of
its senses. Just good stuff. So Danny
decides when they're handing out who they're going to Caddy for.
Danny takes the judge. Rodney has this
huge bag and it is real heavy. And Tony offers
it to for a kid. And the kid's like, no, I got it. And he
fucks it up. That's fucking hilarious.
Yeah. The judge's niece then shows up,
Lacy. And she is what one might call
attractive. Not my style, but yeah, I can
see where she's not unattractive at all. She's a lovely. Yes, a lovely
lady. Not my taste, preferred style,
but I can recognize attractive people when they
happen. So anyway. But everyone's enamored buyer.
Well, it's tee off time and the
judge is getting ready to tee off. He's taken for fucking ever and that's kind
of fucking annoying. So I was happy when Rodney was like, hey, I'm a golfer,
so not well, but I do golf. And Rodney
was like, hey, judge, while we're young.
And, you know, they just had a great time. And I was,
I was into that. And then he makes it. He goes,
$1,000. He sliced it. He goes, betting's illegal.
And I never slice and he, of course, he slices it.
The first was a. Was it one?
And then it was $1,000 for, like, his final putt or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, with that. That's gonna come up later. Anyway,
he slices it. That's the end of the first 20 minutes.
It is a solid opening where you're introduced to all of the
main characters that, you know, you've got the overprivileged,
spoiled Chevy Chase character, which is perfect for him because that's who
he really was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's taken
on this kid, Danny, that he's taken an interest in. And one of my absolute
favorite lines is, you want Danny, or are you doing drugs Danny?
And Danny's like, almost every day. Good. That's good.
Yeah. He says every day or something along those lines, and he replies,
yeah. So he's. He's taking up a mentorship in that he's basically
realized that, you know, he's kind of got this nihilistic attitude towards things Ty Webb
does. Yeah. But it's because everything's been handed to him, so nothing really
seems to have any point because he's really had nothing to struggle against in his
life. So he's just bored and disaffected. And Danny
is bored and disaffected because he's had nothing but struggle
in his life. And Ty has the means to
make Danny's life better if he really wants to, but instead he
just does this thing where he decides he's going to be hip and beat this
kid's friend. You know what I mean? Like, Ty could change
Danny's entire life, just. And it wouldn't mean anything to him. He leaves checks
for $70,000 laying around we see later, and yet he does
nothing to help him. Yeah. No, because, I mean, come on,
that's not America. No. The reason that I bring that up, that power dynamic and
that class thing is it's specifically written in the script that way, which is a
very Doug Kenny thing. He has a way of making a very,
like, he was the king of satire. Right. But he got so good at
it that even with this script, he is satirizing society,
specifically with the power dynamics that are on display whenever
two characters from different classes are interacting.
He specifically had to have arranged it that way because that's what
he did. That's like the kind of comedy that he was known for with
National Lampoon. Like, it was really that kind of high brow shit where
it was also a fucking psyop and fucked with your head and I
have to give him credit for putting that together in Caddyshack.
Like I said, it's not exactly my favorite comedy, but I
absolutely love the way that it's put together. And I can appreciate 100%
why someone would be super obsessed with this film. And I also like that
it's also a Psyop fucking with your head at the same time. Yeah, it's all
of that. And you know, every golfer loves
this movie. I don't know a lot who don't. As far as golf movies
goes, it's tops. Probably. Probably. Besides tin
cup. Okay. Yeah, I would say it's probably the best film ever made
about golf because I would never. Because I detest golf
for multiple reasons. I really do.
Well, then, whatever. No, well, see,
here's the thing, man. If I tell you my reasons, I'm going to bum you
out. So I don't want to go ahead because. No, you're a golf fan.
And we'll save it for later because we got to move on to the next
20. All right. Let's fucking tease the people on this as well.
Why? I hate golf. Oh,
Jesus. All right, so next 20 starts
off, we got a lot of golf. The judges keeps fucking up. Rodney's having
fun. He's got a keg in this thing. He got a tv.
Danny's kissing ass to the judge. We see Bill
trying to kill the gopher. So that's always fun shenanigans
there. And this all leads to our next clip. You guys are brothers,
huh? Yeah. Yeah. What is this, a family business or what?
You know, they say for Italians this is skilled labor. You know that?
No, actually, I'm a rich millionaire. You see, my doctor told me
to get out and carry golf bags a couple of times a week. You're a
funny kid. You know what time you do back in Boys town?
Here we are now. Albert Einstein gave me this, you know.
Yeah. Nice man, nice man.
Made a fortune in favor of physics. Boom.
I'll tell you, son, my main satisfaction is working with
young people like yourself down in our new Euthran center.
Why don't you drop by sometime, huh? I've often thought of entering the priesthood.
Oh, are you roman Catholic?
Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.
Go for it. You know, I've often thought of becoming a
golf club. Not bad, huh?
I'll have 2000 more units in the next two years. Hey, I bet they'd
love a great shopping mall right here. Condos over there. Plenty of
parking. I tell you, country clubs and cemeteries. Biggest wastes
of prime real estate for dead people. They don't want to be buried
nowadays. Ecology, right? Ask Wang. He'll tell
you. We just bought property right behind the Great Wall. On the good side.
I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want
a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want
potatoes. You got nothing. And liking Penny's
tummy. The judge will see you. You going out with me tonight, maggie? Yeah,
to my room. I gotta work in the dining room tonight. Come work
with me. You can bus tables. Never done that. It's easy.
You fill the water glass, you replace the butter. If they drop a fork,
you give them another one. I don't think I can handle that.
Put me down for five. Oh,
if I can just make this one.
Hey. Smells. Thousand bucks. You missed that puttinous.
I did not throw it. How the hell did he get here?
It slipped. Slip seems to be the problem. Killed my wife
with his damn clothes. It was an accident. It slipped out of my
hands. I noticed your grips were worn, sir. I should have mentioned to you,
boar, I could put stick them on there for you. It's my fault. It's a
good idea. Next time, be more careful. Chids. What do you do? Look,
I'm terribly sorry this happened. I'll pay for your lounge.
I'll pay for the umbrella. See you at the table.
Sign your card.
Oh, she's all right.
Thanks for helping me back there. You're a good caddy. Something I'm very
proud of. Hey, do you know we're giving another caddy scholarship
this year? I heard something about that, sir, but my grades in high
school weren't actually that outstanding. There are more important things than grades.
Winning the caddy tournaments might look pretty good
on a young fellow's application. Well, I'm sure gonna try, sir. This is for you.
Tell Ty Webb I'm gunning for him. He's as good as he says he is.
He's gotta play me to prove it. Okay, I will, sir.
Good boy. Thank you. Thank you.
Cheap motherfucker tipped him. Change. Yeah,
well, he's a judge. Yeah, that's.
That's what I thought. Fucking shithead. All right,
so we cut to Bill Murray
getting ready for some gopher hunting. In our next clip,
license to kill. Gophers by the government of the United nations.
Man. Free to kill Gopherse.
You must know your enemy. In this case, my enemy is a varmint.
And a varmint will never quit. Ever.
They like the Viet Cong. Varmint. Cong so
what you gotta do, you gotta fall back on superior firepower
and superior intelligence. And that's how she
wrote. I just like that part. I mean,
Bill Murray should be a. Clip ever pretty much banquet.
And that is our next clip. You gonna eat your
fat? Morning. You are looking lovely this evening,
misses smells. I thank you, doctor.
Lacey, you'd be interested in knowing that this uniform was given
to me by the captain of the links of St. Andrews from Scotland.
They invented the game there, you know. Except they call it goth without the l
as we do. I think I have enough butter now. Right?
If you need any more.
So I tell you now, when Mona died last winter, I said to myself,
Al, if you keep busting your hump 16, 20 hours a day, you'll end
up with a $60 million funeral, you know?
Hey, dog, could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell
the cook this is low grade dog food, all right? And here, take this for
yourself, okay? Geez, I had better food at the ball
game. You know, I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey
was hitting the. Well, anyway,
today I just stick to real estate. You know what the market these days.
If you own anything but land, you. Own a popcorn farm.
Oh, somebody stepping a duck.
Isn't that right, Seth? The graveyard
is two blocks to the left, okay? Dog food and
a shot. Hit a dog.
Hey, where's the bar? Let's have some drinks here, see what's going on. For crying
all that. Hey, wait a hit. This is for you. All right,
Captain Hook, how about the grandiomey, huh? Ah, forget about
it. I'm just kidding. All right. Oh, this your wife? Ooh, a lovely
lady. Hey, baby, you're all right. You must have been something before electricity,
huh? Okay. Hey, doll, how are you,
huh? You live alone? Hey, Rabbi, nice seeing you.
Look at your eye. Folks, how are you? I this your grandson,
huh? Oh, wonderful boy. Nice boy. He's a good boy. Okay,
now I know why tigers eat their young. You know.
The dance of the living dead. I know why you came
here tonight. Why? That girl. Listen, I put that idea
right out of your mind. She's been plucked. More time grows the trilli.
Biggest car on Fifth Avenue. I'm stolen.
Attention to that bush moving around or whatever by that
tree. It's just a bush. I didn't even look twice that.
This looks like it could be gravy.
I smell varmint poon chang. The only good vermin poon
Chang is dead vermin poon chang. I think
you gotta get out of the hole. Show you.
Someone. You must be the.
Ooh, I remember her from home. Sound.
Hey, Sabu, can you make a bull shark? Can you make a shoe smell?
Very funny. All right. Why don't you get yourself a real haircut? Take this out
of it. Thanks. Look at that. The last time I saw a mouth like that,
I had a hook.
So what brings you to this Naples woods? Back in the way. How come you're
here? Daddy wanted to broaden me. In this place? Good luck.
What do you do for excitement? Oh,
I play a lot of golf. Golf?
Nixon plays golf. I bet you got a lot of interesting stories about your ball
landing. So what do you do? I enjoy skinny skiing.
When your bull fights on acid. I bet you got a
lot of nice times. What do you mean?
You want to tie me up with some of your ties? Time. I've got a
good idea. What? Let's pretend we're real human beings.
Freeze, Gopher. All right. That's some of
Rodney's best shit, man. Spalding's grabbing like,
just a shit ton of dumb drinks and he ends up drinking.
One has a. That has a cigarette butt in it,
and he's drunk, and then that makes him puke into a car.
Sunroof. We get back to the party. And that
is our next clip. Elihu, who is that
disgusting man over there? I tell you, I never saw dead people
smoke before. Guess to the Scots.
What do you say we bust up this joint, huh?
Hey, you two should get a room, you know? Hey,
Ringo, place up behind, will you? And you guys take
some more lessons.
Hey, judge, give someone else a chance. Hey, you lucky devil.
Come here, honey. Hey, loosen up, will you? You're a lot of woman, you know
that? Hey, you want to make $14 the hard way?
You're no gentleman. I'm no doorknob either, all right?
I never want to see that man here again.
$14 the fucking hard way. That's the God
I mean. It really is. Hey, baby. Hey, hey,
let someone else have a chance. Bet you or something before later.
Electricity. God, he was the king of loving insults, man.
I know. All right, well, we see the doctor and his lady friend leaving.
Get into the car and sit in the puke. And yuck,
we see. Then we cut to the next day. Murray's creeping on some
of the ladies at the golf course, be it gross.
And we cut to Danny and ty in our next clip.
Mister Webb, I just got to win
that caddy tournament. I owe it to my folks to get that scone.
What do you want to go to college for, Danny? I don't know.
Let me tell you a little story. I once knew a guy. I could have
been a great golfer, could have gone pro. All I needed was a little time,
some practice, decided to go to college instead.
Went for four years, did pretty well.
The end of his four years was the last semester he was kicked out.
You know what for? He was night putting
at night. I'm the 15 year old daughter of the dean.
Knew who that guy was, Danny. No. Take one good guess.
Bob Hope. No, that guy
was Mitch Kumstein, my roommate. He's a good guy. Don't be obsessed with your desires,
Danny. The Zen philosopher Basho once wrote,
a flute with no holes is not a flute and a doughnut with no hole.
It's a Danish. He's a funny guy.
You missed just that one. One physical model of the universe.
Shortest distance between two points. It's straight line in the
opposite direction, Danny. Unbelievable. I do very little.
I do. I will say one thing, but very little.
Kenny's comedy that he writes is a lot of
underage girls. Yeah, well, it's also kind of
the times. Yeah. I mean, it is the time. I'm just saying, though,
it's. Yeah, it's. It's a very common theme is
that a guy in college hooks up with a 15
year old girl. Yeah. But also, at the time, Ted Nugent
was married to, like, a 15 year old girl. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Like, I fucking. I think. I forget which artist
it was. Got fucking stewardship over a
15 or 16 year old girl so she could go on tour with them from
her parents. Yeah. That sounds like an Arrow Smith thing. Yeah, I think
that was Aerosmith. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so. So anyway,
it's fucking not. I'm not excusing it. I'm just saying that it was
somewhat considered. Okay. Even though it definitely was fucking
not. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't. Okay. But, yes, it was more or less
accepted that grown men could try to get
with 15 year old girls. Yeah. And it's gross. I mean, they fucking wrote songs
about it. Yeah. Winger has one about a girl being only
17, and that was in the late eighties, early nineties. I mean, fucking George Michael,
who was even a gay man, did a song
about Benny down, a teenage girl.
It's fucking weird. Yeah. And gross. And gross. And then
you sit there and you wonder, well, what the fuck are you even talking about,
dude? And while this may have been a part of Doug Kenny's comedy,
it also is actually portrayed as a character making
a very big mistake. And when someone actually chooses to
do it knowingly, they are, in fact, punished for it,
too. Yeah, there is those actions. Yeah,
that's true. So Lisa's that,
by the way. Probably we'll have to plug that in. That was the end
of that. 20 minutes. I don't know if I said that. Let's move on.
Next 20. That's the caddy tournament. And Danny wins
the tournament against Tony and gets invited to the yacht club.
And then he bends down his irish lasses. Tony's trying to cop
a c in there. Maybe I'm just biased, but I would
have gone with the irish girl over. The rich girl, and the irish girl was
the 15 year old in animal house. Full circle.
Full circle. Well, it's caddy time. They get 1
hour in the pool, and so they all take over. Was it an
hour even? I thought it was like five minutes. No, it was 15 minutes.
The pool opens to the caddies from one to 115. That's all they get is
15. There you go. Yeah, 15 minutes. So anyway,
I would argue too long. The way they treat it. Yeah. And then,
of course, the hot blonde shows up and everyone's kind of standing. And then
one person has a candy bar. It stocked other hands.
It floats in the pool, and everyone thinks it's a floating shit. So everyone gets
out and then they're scrubbing the pool. Bill Murray finds it and
he goes, hey, it's no big deal. He starts eating it. You forgot the
giant synchronized swimming sequence in the middle of all of that. Jesus.
Yes, of course. The giant synchronized. They have a giant synchronized
swimming activity.
It's insane. It's so stupid, but it makes me laugh every time.
Doug Kenny and Harold Ramis were insane men.
Insane. Yeah. The two of them feeding off of each
other is just sick. Brian Doyle Murphy wrote a little bit of this,
too, so he's a little bit to blame for how weird that scales. I mean,
I'm just saying, man, to be in a room with those guys while they were
writing this must have been just fucking weird. Yeah, I know.
And a lot of cocaine. A lot. Yeah, right.
Yeah, that too. Lacy. That night, Lacey shows up
at ties. And that is our next clip.
Excuse me. No, come on in. Oh, go ahead. I tried
calling, but they don't have a listing for Mister wonderful. What spelling did you use?
Sorry about this mess. So let me just clean up here. Getting ready
for the season. What? Duck? Dolphin? Would you like
a drink? Join a colada, perhaps? Anything? Any. Who's your decorator
Benihana? No, I bought most of that stuff back in Vietnam.
You were in the war? Oh, no.
Homo. Much better now, though.
Here's an uncashed check for $70,000.
Keep it. There's a bunch of them.
And a summons. Yours?
Pretty pathetic, Ty. Pathetic?
Maybe you, Lacy. For me, there's a subtle profession in everything.
I do have my own standards, my own way.
My uncle says you got a screw room. Your uncle? Molest colleagues.
You're rather, uh. What? Practice? Beautiful girl with great
body. Honey.
Oh, yeah?
Mm hmm. Stuff's terrible. It's good. You don't know how to do it.
How do I do it? I'm gonna show you.
I was born to love you. I was
born to lick your face.
I was born to rub you.
But you were born to rub me first. Let's go into the coyote.
You know what this is called in the east? Big rub.
Very, very small breasts.
Just kidding. Come on. Work my way down the. This is the Isle of
Wight. I'm gonna move right down the iconic
parkway over to your cloud. Will you get
meridian? That's a very young thing to say.
Yeah, very toys. Very toys.
Oh, all right. That hurt. Don't. You're blocking.
Just hold onto your shoppers. Just get a little more oil on us.
Uh oh. Now I'm waving.
I'm sorry. It's like reaching out to the rug in there. We are crazy.
That's what they said about son of Sam. You know something else? What?
Very qualified acupuncturist. Don't even
think.
But I want you to know about it. It's like acupressure, but it's acupuncture.
The slightest trick, and you wouldn't even know.
I did not do that. See?
You feel looser. Listen, I feel like a $100.
Forget the massage, okay? And just kiss
me, you fool. Mm hmm. Let's do it.
Taste like flipping. So it's
boning time for them, and they go to Bonetown.
Then we go to the boats, and so
they're all doing this thing with the boating and the
yachts and all that, but Danny and the blonde,
she's like, hey, come on, let's. Let's have fun. And she takes
him away. Then we see the whole thing where Rodney's doing the speedboat,
sees, smells, and then accidentally hits his boat and sinks it with his.
When he boats sinking, he goes, hey, you scratched my
anchor. That is a terrific delivery too. That line
worked from anybody else but Rodney. Yeah, exactly.
And then Danny and Lacy have sex,
and that's the end of that 20 minutes. Can we talk about how steamy the
kissing and rubbing sequences were going up bodies
without actually really showing much of anything other than boobs. Which, by the
way, thank you, movie. Yeah, thank you, movie. Thank you. Thank you, movie.
But, yeah, that was some steamy shit. That must have. It must have
been highly. At least a little difficult to maintain.
Professionalism. Yeah.
It's one of those things where I can't remember who said it, but there was
an actress talking about having to do sex scenes. And the
actor who was participating in the sex scene with her
basically started everything out with going, I'm going to apologize in
advance if I had do get a. An erection while we're creating
this scene. And I'm going to apologize in advance if I do. Not.
A smart way to play it. Yeah. Like, it was more or less like a
way of him trying to break the tension, but also being like, look,
this has nothing to do with you. If this does or does not happen,
I am so sorry. Yeah, yeah.
I'm just really tired. Well, if it does happen,
I apologize because that has to make things so much more uncomfortable for you.
I'm sorry. Yeah. And you should have to deal with that. My apologies.
I'm a professional and, you know, most actors are. Most actors would be,
like, fucking sometimes really kind of
weirded out by them that happening because they're probably
thinking of other things. But also, maybe you shouldn't be so,
like, oh, God, I can't believe this happened. It is just sometimes natural,
like, shit happens, you know, if there's friction,
sometimes things can happen. We've all been dry humped by
a stripper before. We know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. All right. Just wanted to make sure we're all there.
So to make sure everyone got it. Who's gonna get it?
Good. Yeah. And those of you who have not been dry humped by anyone before
in your lives. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, that's. I. What are
you doing? Listening to the show. Yeah. I would also hope that you've at least
been humped with your own. Go outside and touch some grass,
motherfuckers. Yeah, get out there and get
on the field and play it with that grass.
Get out there and get dry humped. What? Are you fucking doing that
or. You're way too young to be listening. I mean, listen, it could be that,
too. What are you doing? Your parents should do a better job of monitoring what
you do listen to. Yeah, no kidding. Let's move on. All right.
The next 20 or no? Yeah. No, this is the next 20. Okay. They get
caught by the judge as Danny's running around the house half naked. Judge's wife
sees him and she's into it. We have a storm brew.
Yeah. Yeah. We have a storm brewing at the course. And that is
ours. Next clip. Comes out of nowhere to lead the pack.
Bad Augusta. He's on his final hole. He's about 455
yards away. He's gonna hit about a two iron. I think we
got all of that. The crowd is standing on his feet here at Augusta.
The normally reserved Augusta crowd going wild.
British young Cinderella. He's coming out of nowhere.
He's got about 350 yards left. He's gonna hit about a
500 expect, don't you think? He's got a beautiful
backswing. That's. Oh, he got all of that one. He's got
to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on his feet here.
He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess.
He lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left.
And he's gonna. Looks like he's got about a knee. This crowd has gone deadly
silent. Cinderella tell a story. Out of nowhere. A former grangekeeper now
about to become rescue champion.
It looks like I'm a wreck. It's in the hole. It's in the hole.
Hey, I'm fine. I was hoping to squeeze in nine holes
before this rain starts. Certainly your
energy like my bag, huh? Certainly your magnificence.
Okay, come on. Chomp, chomp.
Let's go.
Better put this on. Yeah, but that's a great shot, though.
I can't do that. You hit the ball, sir. Really clubbing it.
We better start moving.
Did you see that? Miracle, huh?
Nice shot, pitcher. You must have made a deal with the devil.
Yeah, I could break the trump record,
theoretically. Better come in until this blows over.
What do you think? So I keep playing. I don't
think the heavy stuff's gonna come down for quite a while. You're right.
Anyway, the good Lord would never disrupt
the best game of my life.
That's a little presumptuous, I think. Right?
And that why where he's hitting the flowers and,
you know, former groundskeeper, now leader
of the pack. And it goes. That is probably one of the most quoted lines
in all of bro history. Yeah.
That's how to get ahead in business is be able to quote Matty Shaq right
there. Yeah. And especially that line. Yeah, that. And the reason
I included the storm is I don't think the heavy stuff's coming down for a
while. Even though it's like. Like you always quote that during a large storm,
and when it's at its worst, you always look at your friend to go,
I don't think the heavy stuff's coming down for a while.
Yeah. I actually really love this sequence of the priest
going out golfing and being super presumptuous and then getting a little.
He got hit by lightning. Yeah. Even though it implies that he
was being punished by the greater being for being so presumptuous. I also like
the idea of, no, you're just a dumb shit and nature.
Gotcha. Yeah. And what
happens at the very end of that, where he's hitting this amazing realm where the
storm's hitting, right. Was. He's about to get the course, record his ball
holes out of the hole from what should have been a sure
putt, and he screams at God. And then lightning hits him. Right.
So it's implied that God is taxing him back, but also it's
fucking hilarious. And we see this comes back later when you
see later on he's getting drunk. He hasn't shaved in days.
He doesn't believe in God anymore, which. Is also super hilarious.
Yeah. Oh, God. I mean, just. Everything was just done.
Well, all right. Anyway, the Irish
last shows up to the caddyshack in our next clip.
Hi, Maggie.
You're here early. Yeah.
Yeah, I kind of slept here last night.
Oh, Maggie, I'm in big trouble.
Yeah, me, too. I'm late. Late for what? For not being pregnant.
Well, I don't hold you responsible. It's my problem,
Daddy.
Maggie, I'm not
gonna let you go through this long. No,
I'm gonna have it. I've already decided. Well,
that's it, then. We'll just get married. Oh,
God, that's all I need. Look, I want you, all right?
No, you don't. No, you don't.
Yes, I do. Look, I don't want to get married,
Danny. Well, come on, Maggie, you're saying that. No,
I'm not. Look, Danny might not be yours,
making this up about the other guy so I won't have field guilt making it
up. All right, well, I'm still willing to marry you.
You're a good egg, Noonan. She needs you.
Pick up that phoenix. Morning, Lou. Morning, sir, the judge
would like to see a caddy named Danny Noonan as soon as he comes in.
I'm Danny Noonan. Would you come with me, please,
judge sir? Sit down, Danny.
Danny, I think you know why you're here. So I'll just
curiously not reviewing what happened yesterday.
My niece is the kind of relative zest living ask any
of us need right now is a lot of loose talk about it. I swear
I didn't buddy any, sir. Because, you know,
despite what's happening, I'm still convinced you have many fine qualities. I can still
become gentlemen someday if you understand my medicine.
Danny. There's a lot of, uh. Well,
madness I see every day. I've sentenced boys younger
than you to the gas chamber. Want to do it by holding. The most important
decision you can make right now is. What do you stand with,
Danny? Goodness. Madness. I know I've
made some mistakes past I'm willing to make up. I want to be good.
Good. Very good.
You know, I. I know how hard it is.
Well, just ask my grandson, Spalding. He and I are regular pals. You my
pal, mister scholarship winner?
Yes, sir. I'm your pal.
How about a fresco?
Another rapproid bishop. Never ask the Navy man if you'll
have another drink. Because there's nobody's goddamn villages how many drinks
he's had already. Right? Wrong. Drinking too much. Your excellency.
Excellency. Fiddlesticks. My name's Fred. I'm just
man, same as you are. You're not a man. You're a bishop, for God's sakes.
There is no God. Web o man. I didn't see your name on the sign
in sheet for the club tournament. I thought you'd be the man to be since
you just have feeding yourself. Very good. Come on,
honey, let's go, huh? Hey, boys, how are you? Hey,
how are you? Hey, we're both starving. When do we eat, huh? You.
You have worn out your welcome at Bushwood, sir. Is that
so? Who made you poke with this dump, huh? Bushwood dump.
I'll guarantee you'll never be a member here. Member? Are you kidding?
You think I'd join this crummy snobatorium? But this whole place sucks.
That's right, it sucks. Only reason I'm here is maybe I'll buy it. Buy bushwort.
You. You foul.
Gentlemen, please. What's going on? You tried to choke. You saw it.
Can he call me a baboon? Thinks I'm his wife. I'm calling the police.
You call the chief of police. I built this condo. I want him out of
here. He wants you out of here.
Come on, let's be adults here. Let's not mess the place up. Can handle this
in private. Let's go to your office. I'll make some drinks for us all talk
about it. Come on.
Daddy.
Maggie.
Maggie, you're flipping out. No, I'm happy.
I'm not pregnant. Oh, that's great.
You were sweet. And I'm sorry I was hard on you. No, I deserved it.
I've been acting like a jerk. I hate myself. I'm gonna get
that scholarship. That's good, isn't it? No. I've been a creep lately
and I just can't help it. You're not a creep, Noonan. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am. All right, well, maybe are a little bit. Well,
you're good. Deep down, I know you're doing the right thing. I demand
satisfaction. Oh, you want satisfaction? Well, I'll tell you what's real
satisfying. Cash. I'll shoot you 18 holes for $10,000.
Beat you with one arm. Oh, how about teams, then? For 20,000,
you can have Doctor Frank and putz. I beg your pardon?
And I'll take ty here. Hey,
come on. We are an ace. Everybody knows it. I don't
play golf. What, are you religious or something?
Excuse me. Excuse me. I got it. Hi. I have a word with you
in private. Ty.
Ty. Your father and I prepped. We went to war together. Absolutely.
God, we built this club. Ty. Let's face it, son. Some people
simply do not belong. It's a cave in. Two easy oats.
What do you say, Ty?
Let's make it 40,000. Hey, great. My dad liked.
I'll see you two tomorrow morning on a golf course. Hey, beautiful.
Beautiful.
I have to laugh because I've
often finessed myself by foe. My enemy is
an animal. And in order to conquer him I have to think like
an animal whenever possible to look like I
gotta get inside this dude's belt and crawl around for a few days.
Who is the gopher's ally? His friend,
the harmless squirrel and a friendly rabbit. I'm gonna use
YouTube guy to do my dirty work for me.
It's the golfer.
Enter title is all
right. Show yourself. You're in front of the sound of bitch.
Oh, hi, Carl. How you doing? Hi.
Hi. Mind if I play through? Sure, go right ahead.
What, are you getting in the late night or something? Yeah. Was that your
ball I heard? Yeah. Did you see your ball, Silas? That's it.
Yeah, it's right here. It's your place called. Yeah. What do you think? I have
a lot of things that are on order. You know, credit card. I'm an assistant
greenskeeper. They say that doesn't mean anything, you know, until I'm the head greens keeper.
Give me a ruling on this. Sit down. Come on. No, I don't. I don't
want to stick here. Take this thing off.
Fire up lips. Good. I don't think so. Right here. Just right back.
If I could just borrow a wedge or something and get right, you know,
open a curtain up out there somewhere, I can get right through that window.
People say, you know, I'm an idiot or something because all you cut lines,
you know. Oh, see? People don't say that about you. As far as you know.
Well, I'm working on it, you know, so I don't ever have to, you know.
I'm going to be the head greens. Keep doing six years. That's my schedule.
But I'm studying a lot of this stuff, so I know it. You know,
like, you know, chinch bugs. You know, manganese. A lot of people don't
even know what that is. Great. Carl. Can I get a. Nitrogen. Just open
a curtain or something over there? I invented my own kind of grass. Do you
know that? Look at this. This is registered. Carl Spackler, bench. Oh,
yeah. This is a hybrid. This is across bluegrass,
Kentucky bluegrass, feather bench, bench and northern California sentiment.
The amazing stuff about this is you can play 36 holes on it in the
afternoon take it home and just get stoned to the Jesus belt at night
stuff. I got pounds here. No, thank you. I don't. I don't.
Let's have a little bit of this. I need a big Bob Marley. Try this.
Carl, I really don't do this very often. This is dynamite.
Maybe one dry.
It's a little harsh here. Cannonball it right
back. And then one more. He's right on top of.
Animal. Animal. Coming. Anymore. Coming.
Oh, Carl, can I have a drop? Just a drop
myself. That's fine for me. That's good.
Can I say something to you, Frank? Hi, Frank. You been acting psychotic.
What the hell? Why? Well, I've been blue, under strain. I gotta play the smails
tomorrow. Smail? Money match. No. Thing to do with smales is he bothers you,
I'll take care of him. All you gotta do to smails is you cut the
hamstring on the back leg, right at the bottom. Never play golf again.
Because he goes back. His weight display means goes back and he stays
there, all his weight on his right foot and shoot everything off the right.
Never come chew on any foot that would work. And I'm gonna call you if
I need that help. But seriously, no B's. You ever wanna rap you
know, just talk or just, you know, get weird with somebody. You know, buddies for
life. I'll drop by. You drop by my place. What's your address over there?
You're around Briar? Briar? Uh huh. Two. We have a pond in the
back. We have a pool and a pond. A pond would be good for you.
Natural spring or, you know, anything would be good. Well, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna clean this up. You go ahead and clean up a little bit.
It looks fine to me. Thanks to the dope.
Cleans this house with a leaf. Yeah. By the way, the only time that
those two are in this scene together in this movie,
and they came to fisticuffs while doing this scene. Really? Yeah,
there was a full blown fistfight between Bill Murray and Chevy Chase in the scene.
Ah, wow. I did know that. Yeah,
that's. That's something if you watch the thing. Yeah. At least that's
the big rumor, is that because they hated each other.
So I don't know. I know why
Bill hated Chevy's. Because Chevy's a dick. I think Chevy
just hated Bill because Bill took his spot on Saturday Night Live after
Chevy was like, I'm too big for this and Saturday Night Live. I think
Chevy wanted with Saturday Night Live just to die without him. Like, ah,
see, I was the whole show. I was the star. Instead of it being an
ensemble cast. And it didn't. It survived, and it was still good.
And that pissed him off. By that logic, he should hate
it even more now because it's still going without any of the original cast members.
Oh, he does. He hates anything. I mean, anytime he's hosted
the show, he's been just a fucking nightmare. He slaps sherry oteri crust
face. Allegedly. So. No, Will Ferrell
says that happened. And so I don't know why will Ferrell would lie about that.
All right, we can move on. All right. And by the way, we're going into
the final 20 now. Yeah, let's do that. Let's do it. It's game time.
Smells takes Danny as his caddy.
Ty is not happy about that. And there's lots of plan
and attempted golfer gopher murdering.
And we get to the halfway point. We get to the
in between the 9th and 10th holes. And that is our next clip.
I tell you, I understand it. I'm playing the worst game of my life.
Hey, put yourself down, Al.
You're not, uh. You're not. You're not good.
Stink.
Say $50. The smales kid picks his nose.
Come on, buddy. Don't do it. Don't. Take your time,
now. Don't do it. Come on. Come on. Yeah.
$50 more says easy. You're on.
Don't do it. Don't do it. There you go.
I didn't know this guy. Kid will eat anything.
What do you say, Al? Shall we press
on? Hey, judge, cheer up, will you?
My boat needs exactly $20,000 worth of.
Repairs, and so does your brain. You want to double it?
Fine. 40,000 apiece. All right,
40,000. 40,000. All right.
I mean, that's my office.
No, you don't. You're in for half of 80,000.
Jesus Christ. Yep, they still haven't even hit much
of a figure that even Ty would have so much pain paying because
he has checks for $70,000 just laying around.
Multiple. Exactly. Yeah. So anyway,
we see now the guys using pretty much c
four are Bill Murray is to try to kill the gopher.
And way too much goddamn of it to FYI.
Yeah, and he's got them all like little figures. Anyway, my lawyers have advised me
to say that I only know that based on knowledge I've seen from other movies.
How many? How many lawyers in the room with you right now? Enough to make
me listen to that. All right. Well, it's more
golf time. And that leads to our final clip. Why'd I
double it? I tell you, I should have stayed home and played with
myself. Ty,
I saw smells before. He was just cheating.
Nobody likes a tattletale, Danny. Except, of course, me.
Ow. Oh, my arm. It's broken.
Good lord, what has this buffoon done now? Let's have a look at that.
Well, that might be a fracture at all. Now, I'm afraid you
forfeit. Who says so? The match is a draw. No, you don't
turn it, you don't play, you lose. Right, Lou? That's right, your honor. Unless you
want allow him a substitute. Huh? Oh, well,
Spaulding can play out his holes. Actually, judge, I think it's up to
us to pick our substitute. What do you want,
Sonia? Henny's out. We'll take Danny Noonan.
Oh, Danny's an employee of the club. He can't work and play,
particularly in something as illegal as this. Makes a lot of sense,
judge. Hey, kit, if you win, I'll make it worth your
while. Well.
I'll play. I guess you don't want that scholarship, do you?
I guess I don't. I guess you don't. I guess you don't.
You get the feeling that Rodney Dangerfield is basically implying that he'll
get to keep Rodney's cut. If he. If he plays for him, he'll get to
keep the 40,000 and he may. Or Rodney will just pay him a
shit ton of money. Cause there's the guy like, where Ty's like,
I can't help anybody. He. Rodney just throws money at everybody
because he's like that in every movie where he's a rich
guy. Yeah, he is so obnoxiously rich through
pretty much no fault of his own. But that means that he's sharing the
wealth and really making it, quote unquote, trickle down. That's just the kind of
he's. If company owners were more like Rodney Dangerfield
in his movies. We have a pretty strong economy right now,
right. Based on the tipping solely of Rodney Dangerfield's character
movies. Take this,
take that, take this. There you go. Yeah. Hey, buy yourself a haircut.
But the one thing is you're going to get a lot of money, but you
have to take a zinger. Hey, there you go. That's a
nice baby. Did you have any that lived here? Here's dollar 100.
Go buy yourself a kid that'll live. Yeah, go buy a kid that won't embarrass
you. All right, see you later. Hey, you're doing great. No offense.
Yeah, I don't disagree about that.
And I just wanted to point out, like, that, I feel like what's
basically happening here is Danny realizes that this other rich guy
will pay him, you know, whatever he needs to get to whatever college
he needs to, so he's set, you know? Cause at this point, it's not
about money for Rodney Dangerfield's character. It's about proving a point and putting
the judge in his place. That's it. Well, I think also Danny and a lot
of these other clips where he's like, you know, I have this scholarship and everything.
When they found out the Irish last was not pregnant, and he's like,
no, I'm a scumbag. I think he feels like a scumbag for selling out for
the judge, too, because he knows the judge isn't a good person, is cheating,
all that kind of stuff. So he's like, I mean, fuck all this,
you know? Yeah, fuck the judge. I don't think he wants to get ahead by
having to align himself with the judge. We're being awfully kind to
Danny. Let's face it. He realized what a bootlicker he was and decided to
cross back over. Yeah, tried to be cool again?
Yeah, but only because he has this opportunity given to him by Rodney Dangerfield,
because he. Be nice to Danny. Danny's a good kid.
All right? And I'm getting real tired of the Danny slander. Going to fucking stop.
You know what? That just pushed Kenny loggins further back. Motherfucker. That wasn't
part of the deal. Tough. If I don't fucking hear Kenny loggins,
I will fucking drive your house.
Let's go. All right. While Ty is kind of freaking out,
Danny's playing very well. We get to the final hole, and it comes down to
Danny. He putts, and the ball just hits on the lip, but then huge
explosions as all the c four starts going off around
the golf course, blowing the golf course to hell. Told you it's too
much. Yep. And then the ball drops in.
They win. Everyone's rooting for Danny, even Tony, who their kind of adversaries,
is real happy about this because everyone hates the judge.
Everyone's really excited. They all walk off.
Later on, it's time to collect from the judge. So Rodney does want
that fucking money. Judge says he ain't gonna pay,
so he brings. Rodney brought some.
Two muscle guys to go get some money. And that rolls
credit cinema psyops.
Ten years. Ten years.
Okay, so the bad rich people that got
rich from family money and. Or being a corrupt judge. Yeah.
They lose. And the winner is the guy who got
rich by providing housing and,
you know, real estate and developing real estate and who was
looking at the club the entire time to turn it into more condos and things
like that. That. To help out the working class folks. And also Bushwitz kind
of destroyed now, right? Because their groundskeeper
is a fucking psychopath who doesn't realize how much c four he should,
should or shouldn't be using. Yeah, yeah. I would say the amount of c four
that that character should have been allowed access to is none.
Okay. I was about to say, you know, your lawyer's going to talk to you
about how. How do you know about c four. In amounts he
should have had access to? None or less. Less of c four?
Yes. Yes. None. Less than none. Yeah,
equal to or less than none. He also should not have
been allowed to have access to groundskeeper material.
Like any kind of edged weapon, I would say. Yeah.
Pitchfork, even. You know what he's got a pitchfork and a
golf course for anyway? Aeration is my guess.
Yeah, I guess manually. But you have devices for that,
right? But, like, manual aeration of, like, a small area, something like
that. And also it might have been the early eighties, maybe. They didn't have
all that kind of equipment. Yeah, and he also might have been maybe
spreading out some hay to, like, seed up area to, you know. Yeah,
I'll give him credit for that, but Jesus. Yeah. I don't know.
That's the only thing I can think of. But, yeah, if we're really talking
about that kind of stuff and getting into the minutia of that, I think it's
time to basically move on to our story time about this.
Agreed. All right, we're going to take the break here,
play the beat with the song. There she goes on
the pirate radio edit, and when we come back, we'll have a story song.
Where's court? Hey, agar, what are you doing over there?
Did you find fun buns here? But.
Oh. Oh, wow, look. You pet
him right behind that ear bun. Bun. My patch.
Oh, okay, okay. Calm down. It's your pet.
My pet. Where's court? I'm sorry.
Where's the leader? Master, where's room?
Back there. Robot room. Okay. Once again,
until he changes them, they're not robots. Robots I court. Okay. They're not robot.
Not robot. Eichord, not careful.
I court food. Soylent green. Bun. Bead of yourself.
Clones, not self.
Okay. Yeah, you're right. You're special.
I know that they're often referred to as Paul Collins the beat, but I
just called him the beat. What the fuck? Couldn't help but notice that wasn't Kenny
Loggins. Yeah, well, you know, he got pushed further back, so.
Yeah, I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what you're doing,
but you're ruining it. You're ruining it. I'm trying
to play the storytime clip so we can go into your story time.
Story time.
Story time. I realize it's been quite a while since we've had
this hostile of a back and forth. I think our listeners are gonna love it.
I know, right? It's nice. So my story time is
how I got out of a bar fight. By you. Quite. Quoting Caddy Shack.
Also how you can get ahead by business by quoting Caddyshack.
Yeah. But this one, for me, is just how I got out of life.
So, anyway, there was one night, and I'm at a bar, as per usual.
This is back when I was in my very early twenties. Uh, so I wasn't
the responsible adult I am today, um, where I just get blackout drunk
at home. So, uh, I was at this bar is
kind of sitting there, and I apparently look very familiar like
somebody else. Uh, because this guy came up, and,
uh, he was not happy with me. I've never met this man before
in my life. Uh, but he. He was quite larger than
me, and apparently. Apparently someone who looked very much
like me but wasn't me. I can't stress this enough, and I'd be very serious.
It was not me. Someone who. Who very much looked like me slept with this
large man's wife. Uh oh. I don't know why you would do that. If you
saw that picture of the nightstand, I would be like, I'm out. You know?
No, too rich for my blood, if you will.
But my doppelganger apparently thought,
that's just fine. Must have thought, must have knew I was out there somewhere,
and I take the beating for him, or a future.
Self travels back in time to do it to yourself as a kid. Yeah,
right. I am kind of drunk and alone.
Just. I was at the bar alone, and he had buddies,
and, like, I was sitting at the bar, and they were just kind of all
over me. You. I mean, like, hovering over me, sitting next to me, and I
realized I was in a lot of trouble. So we're just kind of sitting there,
and, uh, I go. And, uh, he was talking.
He goes. He goes. And I was just saying things about me that
weren't. And he goes. He goes, uh. I'm trying to remember the exact words,
but it was something to the effect of what he said was he looked and
he goes, and this asshole, does he even have a job? And that's who she
sleeps with. And I looked, at first of all, again, I didn't sleep
with her, but I have a job. Again, I'm gonna be
completely honest. It was, like, 130 in the afternoon
on a Wednesday. Getting drunk at the bar on a
130. Afternoon on a Wednesday. Like I
said, I didn't make the responsible choices when I was
young. I met you in your twenties. I can confirm that. Yeah.
Yeah. So. But I do have a
job. And he said it opened it up, and this would save me.
He looks at me, and I think he was starting to now turn, like I,
you know, because I was very insistent that it was not me, and it,
again, was not me. Um, and he turned,
he looks, he goes, why? I notice you don't spend a lot of time there,
because, again, Wednesday, 130. And that's when I logged right in with
the. I'm not exactly sure where it is. And he chuckled,
and I had him. And then for the rest of the night, for about the
next 2 hours, we drank more. Ed just
quoted a caddyshack. And then he looked at his friends.
He went, yeah, I don't think this is the guy. I'm like, see? And then
he left with the zinger because they were getting ready to leave, and he.
Yeah, no, this ain't the guy. Uh, he has no game.
There's no way he'd get my wife. And he goes, he. He's got nothing.
And he walked away, and I went, ah, I see someone still hurt my feelings,
so that's fine. Thank you for that. Thank you. But also,
secretly, deep inside, fuck you. Ouch. Yeah, fuck you. Now I'm kind of wishing I.
You damn. See, now you're going to travel back in time and do it.
This is how it happens. Yeah, yeah. I get. Yeah, yeah. Some. Some guy
looked like you. He was just bald and looked old. Well, that.
That. Exactly over
once again. Yeah, right. He's still mad that I
have hair. You did, too, back then.
Yeah, I had a lot of hair back then.
Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, so that's the end of your story time, I take
it, right? Yeah. Yes, that's it. All right, so we are now
going to do the show housekeeping. And immediately following that on the
pirate radio, we will have journey with any way you want it. Because it was
briefly in this movie right after that, if you
decided you can't get enough of the show, and you're like,
holy crap, Matt, you're early. Oh, hey, man. Talking to
bum bun. Bun bun, my bat. Yes, yes, I get it.
I get it. You better be careful, Matt. He's real sensitive about that,
I guess. Holy geez, man. You know what? But bun
buns pretty much useless to me. It keeps eye gore in line. I mean,
all I have to do is threaten bun bun, and he'll do whatever I want.
Yeah, he's cleaning up. I mean, look at the place. It's. I know. It's been
nicer spotless in here. I know. He cleans up after that pine soul I
smell. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice. That's a nice smell. Can't get the
freaking robots to do any of this. Okay, once again, they're not robots.
So I don't know why we're talking about this right now. Why don't you step
into the war room with me? I show you a new environment. Okay.
You recognize this guy? Holy cow. It's tunneler.
Yeah, right. Holy Jesus. You built the puppets.
Well, they're not fully functional, and they're not quite sentient yet.
Having a hard time with the fluid. Apparently, that's available
anywhere in some library or something like that if you do the research.
Yeah, I've been googling the hell out of this and I can't find out exactly
what the reanimating fluid is just yet. But I tried to use bing.
No, no, why would you? I may. Well,
if it's archaic knowledge, maybe it would help. I mean, all people use bing.
That's true. Well, you know, we stop some of the Soylent green stuff left over,
maybe we can do the brains. Oh, yeah. Better hurry up though, cuz Igor is
shoving that stuff down bum buns. Really? Yeah,
I bought him the chow. I saw it sitting there the corner.
That's why I was trying to talk to him. You know what I think?
Bun buns grown a taste for you. He's bit you several times.
I think the clones of you are what he will eat now. Oh, we hit
him. He is cute. I will have to give you that. It doesn't matter how
much he wrecks the lab as long as he keeps Igor in line. Because he's
the key to the project. Yes, Igor is quite the key.
To what? Well, as soon as I get him to where I can
control him, even better, I'm going to just start spanning
off from his brain. We'll have cyborgs.
We'll see. He's almost there. Not quite yet. He's still gestating.
Yeah. Have you, uh, have you touched him yet, too? I don't want
to. He looks like he's covered in a fine film. He also feels like
a weird stretch armstrong. Yeah, that's gooey.
Ah, I just can't get enough of journeys. Any way you want it. I'm gonna
play that anytime I got an excuse. Yeah, I mean, it's good,
it's fine, but. What? Why? Why? Oh,
well, the simple reason for that is if I wait until the very last song,
it gives it that much more power. And everybody gets to take
all that energy about us covering the film and being all amped up and
happy about it, and they get to launch it right into this song and
then immediately kick the fuck out of their weeks and make
it their bitches.
Hello, friends. Were you promised a vampire orgy?
Yeah. Were you promised this orgy only to be shown a town full
of what looked to be meth addicted hobos looking for their next fix?
Yeah. You are not alone and you deserve restitution.
Contact us at the law offices of bogus fakes and frauds.
We are here to fight for you. 1800, not a vampire
orgy. Really wasnt a vampire orgy. This really isn't a number. Please do not call.
No one should ever have to buy a movie made in the seventies with orgy
in the title only to get the disappointment of dirty vagrants looking for
some smack, bogus fakes, and frauds. We are here
to fight for you. I'm gonna call right now. Do not
call us. This isn't a real number. 1800. Not a vampire rg. It was not
really an origin. It was not really a number.
All right. Oh, what's up, dude?
What's up? Somebody who looks
an awful lot like me may or may not have gotten
way too high before getting ready to record for the show this
week, so. It's all right, man. I'm on, like,
5 hours of sleep. I want to get drunk again. Let's fucking
go. Got a brisket on the fucking smoker. Do this shit.
So, yeah. Fuck, dude. This is going to be interesting.
It's a. It's because you got to do the big thing.
I'm going first. Maybe you'll sober up a bit or. I don't know. Yeah,
we'll see. I'm in the perfect shape right now to do caddyshack, though, so I.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, come on. Yeah, dude, it's fucking caddyshack. You can be in
any shape. That's fair. I can fucking blackout drunk
to be good enough to do fucking Caddyshack. Remember when you
thought the same thing about army of darkness and was. No, no,
I wasn't drunk. I tried to do it without notes. I would still need notes,
but I could still be blackout drunk. Fucking caddyshack,
maybe. All right,
let's fuck. I was born to love you? I was born to
lick your face? I was born to rub you? But you were
born to rub me. First Jesus, you do kind of have this memorized.
All right, well, let's get on with this show before you do that shit again.
Jesus. All right. Three, two, one.
Right into this song. And then immediately kick the fuck out
of their weeks and make it their bitches. Yes.
Thank God. There you go. Thank you.
That was a great bit. All right, I'm gonna go ahead and end this shit.
Recording stopped and.