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Kevin and Harley “Michael Landon” a modern day Little House on the Prairie, decode the depression of delivery robots, marvel at Momily’s mystery tex and fret over the imposition of a gator getting Grandma in Florida.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.
00:00:24
Speaker 1: Welcome to Smytian Son. I'm Kevin Smith.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: That's what that's the name Smitti and Son.
00:00:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, that would be the name of our hardware to.
00:00:41
Speaker 2: Her, because I'm your son.
00:00:44
Speaker 1: In this altar universe where I had to open hardwors to it. You're born as Charlie Quinon, so it's Schmittian Son.
00:00:51
Speaker 2: I guess I don't want a munch of joys.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: So looking on the dance floor, Welcome to Smittians. I'm Kevin Smith.
00:01:03
Speaker 2: I'm a Harley Quins.
00:01:05
Speaker 1: I guess.
00:01:08
Speaker 2: Charlie Charlie the boys Smith Smitty store.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: That's right, man, we're you know what, And maybe it's not our worst store. Maybe it's like a mercantile. Like you didn't watch the Low House in the Prayer grown up, we didn't have so we did. And the Olsens ran a mercantile, which was like a five dime convenience story essentially, but in the olden days and ship like that. They were the richest people in town. And Missus Olsen, who is the mom, was such hard and she hated the poor. So we would be smitty and sounds to be competing mercantile. Oh or you people come in, they feel welcome. Oh yeah, now because it's the turns of century and the Prairie times. And ship we called Smitty and Son because fucking it's still a man's world back then, not not like now. So we call it Smitty and Son. But really, I'm a daughter, yes, and so we like we'll put like boyish clothing on you and ship.
00:02:24
Speaker 3: Come on.
00:02:26
Speaker 1: I knew the ship sounded from of just copping malan, you know what. They copped it from somebody. This is tale as old as time.
00:02:33
Speaker 2: This is Smitty and Son.
00:02:36
Speaker 1: That's that's our origin story that in order to open American town like on the prairie, but but to do it with like Smitian daughter, people be like, well, don't shop there. Yeah, he's like daughter, daughters belong with dolls and cooking and ship like that. But we're progressive. Yeah, we're different. That's what makes our show different.
00:02:55
Speaker 2: That's so true.
00:02:57
Speaker 1: So it's oh fuck a podcast. This is a fucking show. It's a Hallmark show right here. Pretty good idea turn the century Mulan in America.
00:03:08
Speaker 2: Soundly just making Mulan about a white family, though pretty much it's.
00:03:13
Speaker 1: Pretty much cultural appropriation.
00:03:15
Speaker 2: At it's worst, just not the right thing to do.
00:03:19
Speaker 1: Like what if I called you one? Dan? I was like, not only did I pitch it, but with the leads we're playing Smittyosuf and Smitty and stuff. It is set on the prairie, so you'll be wearing lots of petticoats and fucking uh crinolines and fucking bonnets.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: Fun.
00:03:38
Speaker 1: But they want minimum ten year commitment, which, to be fair, think about it. Right now, you're doing a podcast with your father for money.
00:03:54
Speaker 2: Not true for loving, because you gave me no choice.
00:04:00
Speaker 1: I was like, you're doing this so if somebody's like, we'll give you ten guaranteed seasons a smittyan sense. Now you know, let's say the first two seasons of Smitty and Center are always going to be the fucking strongest. But that's Hallmark strong. So already you're starting off with something that like you're going to have to find the emotional truth in all these little You're gonna have to work fun satisfaction in this gig. It's going to be a money gig because Hallmark. They saw a lot of greeting cards.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: So this is guaranteed on Hallmark.
00:04:36
Speaker 1: Who else is gonna pick even we're all right here? Huh? What is a what's like a good salary? Like? What would you be happy if you were on that? If you want to sick? Have you got friends are on TV ship? Like do they like is it a what? What? What? Roughly? Give me an idea? Is it? Like?
00:04:59
Speaker 2: You don't want to it's a it's too crazy to say, it's kind.
00:05:02
Speaker 1: Of crazy high. Yeah, all right, so that crazy high money is what you're being offered for ten seasons in advance of spinning and son good news in advance.
00:05:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait, is the money off the front?
00:05:20
Speaker 1: Well, I mean not upfront there like, here's all fucking you know, but when you're done shooting. Yes, And here's the thing. Ten seasons you can shoot out in five years. So it's five years you life, but ten seasons of television?
00:05:36
Speaker 3: How many episodes a season?
00:05:38
Speaker 1: Twenty? Now you know what, that's old school, well known because it's syndicated. You got it. It's twenty twenty perir. And to say the episodes are similar every ding, it's.
00:05:57
Speaker 2: It's hard to differentiate that.
00:06:00
Speaker 4: There's no overarching storyline where you're like, does she want to become a pilot or does she fly the first wright brother's playing No every week is a simple morality.
00:06:11
Speaker 1: Tale about fucking and also trying to keep it in. And you're a girl. Oh yes, you're wearing a lot of overalls. There's a lot of fucking. There's a lot of crush fan fiction written value on law.
00:06:27
Speaker 2: Wow, this is on offer. That is your pass.
00:06:32
Speaker 1: Here's the backstir pugging is brilliant. Mom died like colowist some their timing disease, so it's just the three of them. And and fucking he knew he's like this town accept Smitish daughter, spiny and son. So people feel bad because there's like no like women in their life, but really there is.
00:06:57
Speaker 2: I mean, this is not a bad idea.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: Bro. If Michael Landon was alive, the guy who did the Last in the Prairie and fucking Highway to Heaven and shit like that, I could fucking sell him this show. I you ain't let me finish that.
00:07:12
Speaker 3: Oh I'm so sorry.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Ten seasons and you're getting paid not fucking friends money, but you're getting paid whatever your friend is making on that TV show that made you go like it's crazy. You're getting paid that twenty episodes of season to do the math. I did it. That's big ten seasons, so time's out number by ten, so you're out in five because he only takes five to shoot ten feeling it is the pitch.
00:07:45
Speaker 3: The pitches concluded for.
00:07:48
Speaker 1: The most part.
00:07:50
Speaker 2: No you say no, No, I'm sorry. Here's my reason.
00:07:58
Speaker 1: Last piece? What just in case.
00:08:00
Speaker 2: And all animals are saved in the world.
00:08:04
Speaker 1: This is a Disney Plus show.
00:08:08
Speaker 2: No, this was a Hallmark show.
00:08:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, but Hallmark was like, this is better than Plus, and so we pitched it to Disney Plus. The Disney Plus was like, oh my god, s Minny and Son is you know, they're like, fuck Disney Plus. We're gonna restart Disney Channel with this ship.
00:08:29
Speaker 5: Oh this is Disney No, No, they're like Disney Plus.
00:08:40
Speaker 3: My answer asked me, no, why are you not.
00:08:42
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call Jay and be like, I found another one.
00:08:46
Speaker 2: Here's what I'm just.
00:08:46
Speaker 1: Like, what's his name on that fucking show I'm talking about? His dad was in you know, The Godfather. Oh my god.
00:09:00
Speaker 5: We don't like to identify people specifically for their parents, so.
00:09:07
Speaker 2: They're their own person.
00:09:10
Speaker 1: Smithy and Sun Kids isn't a Disney Plus show, though it should be.
00:09:17
Speaker 2: But I didn't say my reason, but I just want to explain myself.
00:09:22
Speaker 1: I would love to hear I don't.
00:09:24
Speaker 5: Want to seem ungrateful for passing up the opportunity, and I just want to share my side. I so to to cram forty episodes a year into a year, You've got no time off to focus on other creative endeavors. So I don't think I could be working on music or anything on the side, because I'd be fucking learning my memorizing my Smithy and Son's new episode every day.
00:09:54
Speaker 1: Yes and so, but you remember the math, right, you did the math the.
00:09:58
Speaker 5: Math, But I I wouldn't be able to be creatively fulfilled within the job, nor would I have time outside the job.
00:10:07
Speaker 1: Right for five years?
00:10:08
Speaker 2: But that for five years, those are five time years.
00:10:11
Speaker 1: So you would rather have a life, and.
00:10:15
Speaker 2: I would rather have time for If I was this was like.
00:10:21
Speaker 5: New episode, new circumstance, not really a storyline that's traveling through or life building, totally episodic, then I just don't think that sounds so creatively fulfilling.
00:10:33
Speaker 1: Every week you're getting in a jam, every week you're getting out of the jam. You gotta do it without people fighting out you're a girl.
00:10:42
Speaker 2: That's like, I guess.
00:10:45
Speaker 1: I tell you there's a guest star. Oh and you could reach out to anyone you've ever you know admired as a performer.
00:10:52
Speaker 2: Is this is she got to learn to make it work for you.
00:10:56
Speaker 1: That's so true. Like, if I'm you, one of the first thoughts I have is how do I use this fucking Spinny and Sun show to meet Courtney Love? That is like my first question is can she play the mom in the flashbacks? WHOA? So? That? All right?
00:11:18
Speaker 2: You want me over?
00:11:21
Speaker 1: About a week? Spot? As all what?
00:11:22
Speaker 2: I take it all back and take back everything I say.
00:11:25
Speaker 1: Everyone has a price everyone. I I admire that as an artist, but as a dad, like we can give me that phone Hello, She'll do it. She'll do twenty years.
00:11:44
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
00:11:49
Speaker 1: We were having a discussion earlier this evening and I found it very telling about you know, if there's ever moments where I'm like, I wonder if this student's really mind. I mean, she looks like me, she sounds like me, and she thinks like me. She's the personal wrong. But if there's ever a moment, then there are moments where you say something like the little delivery ro pop makes me sad. So for those that don't, living makes its as well. People are using like these little delivery robots. The delivery robots, they got four wheels, they got blinky eyes, and they're basically like little coolers that have a GPS inside and they deliver food. Right. But like I was talking when we passed one, and I was like that they make me so sad, and how I was like, that's they make They make a lot. Well, how do you know that?
00:12:54
Speaker 2: I just feel like the general consensus of the.
00:12:57
Speaker 1: Small that makes me they're just so vulnerable, and Wally comes to mind.
00:13:06
Speaker 2: I know, it's just when they should have given.
00:13:08
Speaker 1: Them blanky eyes. I'll tell you that much. Every time I see one, Like because they're GP, they run on GPS, but they'll stop at intersections.
00:13:17
Speaker 2: They see what's going on and they just they want to stay out of danger.
00:13:21
Speaker 1: They really do. And I feel I really feel like people like, you know, like just take advantage of them. Like think about how easy it would be to face that in dual wall and then open it and ship it use it as a toilet.
00:13:40
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
00:13:42
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: So that not only when the delivery shows up is the person in life where this I'm not paying. They're also the little robot is like fucking secretly shamed. He's caring. I can't I know that.
00:14:00
Speaker 6: Har This reminds me of when you would you would say, yes, you would try to make me cry.
00:14:14
Speaker 2: That's a child, because you thought my empathy was amusing you.
00:14:21
Speaker 1: Love it it was. I felt this. I do exactly how you felt. I had to be more advised. All my stuffed animals as well. The next generation, your generation called them fluffed animals.
00:14:33
Speaker 3: That was just me.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: That was just a music.
00:14:38
Speaker 3: And stuff seems like it didn't have any soul in it.
00:14:43
Speaker 1: There you go, there's the title of the book, stuff Stuffed doesn't have any soul in it.
00:14:50
Speaker 2: Story stuffed without a soul, unstuffed, stuffed and soulss.
00:14:59
Speaker 3: Well and so full and full of soul.
00:15:04
Speaker 1: Oh my god that if you were so adorable, they're like, well, because you'd be like you get rid of it. Still works like you were when you moved oger to your house. All those stuffed animals I brought over.
00:15:18
Speaker 2: I don't get in my tiny ass house.
00:15:22
Speaker 5: You were you brought over boxes.
00:15:27
Speaker 1: Because like those No, it was one big back.
00:15:31
Speaker 2: It was one big gigantic box, and then you carried in bigger ones that didn't fit in the box, and you came over unannounced and forced me to take it by guilting me into it.
00:15:48
Speaker 7: You know about you have nothing but space in your big empty house.
00:15:57
Speaker 2: No one lives in.
00:15:58
Speaker 1: In your I think a lot of people's homes look like this clutter. This is her grandma's house looks like And she didn't even move, She just holds on her ship Momily tell him the story of the text that she said text.
00:16:17
Speaker 2: Did you see how that ended?
00:16:20
Speaker 1: All right?
00:16:23
Speaker 5: Well, my dad's mom, my grandma slash Momily as we call her.
00:16:32
Speaker 1: That's what her mom called her when she was a kid, She called her Momily. So we started she said that recently we were.
00:16:39
Speaker 2: Like her texting is.
00:16:49
Speaker 1: She's the talk texture.
00:16:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it doesn't really transfer from her speech.
00:16:55
Speaker 1: She can talk to the phone while she's talking to the cat and talking to wherever else you So you get this conversation that's kind.
00:17:03
Speaker 2: Of hard to fall like one sentence makes sense and like and.
00:17:07
Speaker 1: Then a bunch of it is like, yes, princess, do you want some eat? And stay in the game? Pick? So what is what.
00:17:27
Speaker 2: One night? No setup, no afterwards.
00:17:33
Speaker 5: Just a photo of the baby Jesus in that little basket.
00:17:38
Speaker 1: Manger, Christmas crush scene, baby Gess in the manger, A close up photo of it. That's all. It's really small. But we hardly sent it to me with like, oh no, she goes. Grandma said this with no context whatsoever.
00:18:03
Speaker 5: I was just like, maybe in retrospect, maybe I should have responded to my grandma, but I didn't.
00:18:09
Speaker 1: Know what she was like. I saw it, I said, just respond to that. I didn't know what to say, and she wrote, what did you write?
00:18:18
Speaker 2: Nothing? I didn't say I.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: Did she follow you?
00:18:22
Speaker 8: And then like.
00:18:22
Speaker 9: Two days Leney, she was like, she said, the same picture.
00:18:28
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't want my phone.
00:18:29
Speaker 8: I was.
00:18:30
Speaker 2: I wanted to know the exact morning because it was so funny. Yours your dad's.
00:18:38
Speaker 5: And I was like, well, I wasn't sure if she was referencing the photo from two days ago or she forgot to send the picture about something else.
00:18:47
Speaker 1: This was our mind or yours? Which one of you owned the Jesus You're like, well, not me?
00:18:55
Speaker 2: And why would it be at your house to Florida? But Irish, I did.
00:19:01
Speaker 10: The baby Jesus question Mark, because I again didn't know if she was referring to the baby Jesus or if she forgot to send a picture of something else in a fully new conversation, and she said, she said, honey.
00:19:16
Speaker 11: I know that's the baby Jesus, like I'm the weird pictures of the baby Jesus, zero context.
00:19:30
Speaker 12: And two days later sent a different text without any context again. So and then she says something else after that, and I was like, no, Grandma, that is not mine or dads. But her reply was dying, no saucy.
00:19:49
Speaker 1: She was like, I know that's the baby Jesus. I knew it before you. Yeah. When we were in Floria recently from my month's birthday, we were just talking about before my mom was doing this thing like she found she discovered that she can make hardly laugh. So she fucking died some it. So she's started going like Harley, Harley, what and then she was something shitty about my sister and the like right right, watch and then she'd say or whatever the fuck.
00:20:26
Speaker 2: She's so funny. She really makes me laugh.
00:20:30
Speaker 1: She was delighted that she was like, oh my god, I could fucking I can make her last.
00:20:34
Speaker 2: She's pretty hilarious, to be honest.
00:20:37
Speaker 1: And maybe the other one was jumping Joose. Oh yeah, jump jo.
00:20:43
Speaker 7: That's so she was like hard really, but she also said something like I can't remember exactly what it was when she said something to your sister.
00:20:57
Speaker 5: That made her laugh and then she was like, oh it made you laugh, Harley, Hey, Harley, And.
00:21:03
Speaker 12: She was like, I can't remember what she said, but she was like almost I remember how she was like no, it.
00:21:11
Speaker 2: Was like she just said a word weirdly, like sugar or cookies.
00:21:15
Speaker 13: What I think she was like cookies she literally did.
00:21:28
Speaker 2: It's like, so true, Grandma.
00:21:30
Speaker 1: You know what kids me?
00:21:31
Speaker 2: Grandma?
00:21:33
Speaker 1: She fucking rocks. She would be a character ins Midian Sons. Oh boy, she comes to visit like once a season, but the character's so popular we have to pray her in twice a season. So true.
00:21:44
Speaker 3: There's a hiding man for Momily.
00:21:46
Speaker 1: But she's not played, of course, by the real mama. She's played.
00:21:50
Speaker 5: Oh I thought Momily was getting an acting break.
00:21:57
Speaker 9: Hey now she's like cookies. Can't have somebody looking at the camera and saying, hey, hey look look break the fourth wall. And she went to right trying to make a.
00:22:10
Speaker 1: Fucking modern day little house in the prairie for grist sakes.
00:22:15
Speaker 2: That brings the fourth wall.
00:22:17
Speaker 1: What they're like, what is it? Like? I tell you it's a butter Scott, Mommily is a butterscotch tasty cake? Why cake, butterscotch frosting. You know exactly what your finding.
00:22:32
Speaker 2: Get a classic?
00:22:33
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's not like a crimpet where you're like, oh, it's tasty cakes jumping in this, Mamaly is no surprise, mom, Momily, you know what you can count on?
00:22:45
Speaker 3: So true?
00:22:47
Speaker 1: Yes, the title not smittying sons.
00:22:48
Speaker 2: Shoot, can that be the name of this instead?
00:22:53
Speaker 1: Yes? Actually, yes, you can count you can cut on.
00:22:56
Speaker 2: For a few days after that trip, we were calling each other marble.
00:23:00
Speaker 1: That's true, the strongest.
00:23:02
Speaker 2: So really anyone can be mammally.
00:23:05
Speaker 1: It's meaning sons you're saving Maybe we should take a vote for saving that for our fucking Disney blood show. That's true. It's a workable concept. If I was j j Abrams can make that happen.
00:23:17
Speaker 2: You should just pitch it and then walk away. We don't have anything to do.
00:23:21
Speaker 1: It, like we were so into it, but they just.
00:23:24
Speaker 2: Know then they buy it. Yeah, and then we walk away.
00:23:27
Speaker 1: Only way I can fucking sell that is if I'm like, we're attached to wife.
00:23:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, mus still the great.
00:23:37
Speaker 1: There, Like, look, the concept is weak. We're buying the daughter thing like without her word without you it word way? What's the title?
00:23:52
Speaker 7: Wait?
00:23:53
Speaker 2: I forgot?
00:23:53
Speaker 1: Is it?
00:23:54
Speaker 2: You can't trust?
00:23:59
Speaker 1: I thought without mom, you've got nothing? But that's way too long.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: With you count nothing.
00:24:17
Speaker 1: From the poorly titled people who brought you vegan AMATOI.
00:24:23
Speaker 2: Wait, but literally, yes, you don't have anything? What about mamally? Neither of us try?
00:24:33
Speaker 1: So? Wait? Is that was not the title? You don't have anything? But that's what is eluding me.
00:24:42
Speaker 2: I don't remember the original title.
00:24:45
Speaker 1: You get a rolled?
00:24:51
Speaker 2: I wait, are you sure? Listen't you can't just mom?
00:24:55
Speaker 1: It would never be.
00:24:58
Speaker 2: Really don't.
00:25:00
Speaker 1: Trust you know you're sure.
00:25:06
Speaker 2: You can always trust mommy, you can always lean on It was.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: Like, can count on momily, you can count on?
00:25:14
Speaker 2: No, that doesn't someone's gotta watch that what the original title was? But I honestly think without no, no anything from that one?
00:25:34
Speaker 14: No down, because you've got two ways like I'm down with mom or down, which sounds like an anty mom.
00:25:52
Speaker 1: Really break my mom's heart? Hot? I tried so hard.
00:25:58
Speaker 2: What happened?
00:25:58
Speaker 1: This was the first one, but I cannot remember what it was my body and reported will will have figured it out and that will be the title.
00:26:07
Speaker 2: But or it could be without Momley, you got nothing, because that's a true statement.
00:26:11
Speaker 1: Without Momily, You've got nothing. Such a it's almost like it's almost like Momily is the source of all good things about Momily, and where would we be poor Mommay is the genitor of all things?
00:26:34
Speaker 2: We love love Momley. What if it's Momily, we love you love Momy.
00:26:44
Speaker 1: I like no, I like whatever it was that we said first, it was ridiculous perfect.
00:26:50
Speaker 2: We can't remember.
00:26:52
Speaker 1: I can't Momily's Homily.
00:26:54
Speaker 2: Mobley's almost all.
00:27:00
Speaker 3: Every week Molly solves a crime.
00:27:04
Speaker 2: I'm not feel like talking about the grand mom be so funny because she would just be.
00:27:08
Speaker 1: Like, they're like, what do you think, Detective Momly. She's like, hold on, she said, you detective a picture of.
00:27:25
Speaker 2: Oh my god, oh my god.
00:27:30
Speaker 1: Maybe so Momily should retired, don't you say that process? I think she's texting her picture baby Jesus. That's how she figures out to cry. She needs to. It's part of the process.
00:27:48
Speaker 2: Wait, you just said something. I said, momly.
00:27:54
Speaker 1: Homily, mommy inside is the thing that they do in church. That's like after they read the readings then when the priests. So you know what that meant and he sums it up for you. That's the homily.
00:28:14
Speaker 11: I like Mamley's homicide, so I want to son it's like eight o'clock'sicide.
00:28:27
Speaker 1: Maybe ten o'clock right in it Momley's homicide? Was it? Somebody else is dead? What again? I gotta feed Princess frum. It's almost like it's like fucking murder, she wrote, wrote we'll figure out what the title was, but the that was good. We said something there was something like God, if only we recorded it.
00:28:53
Speaker 2: That's so true.
00:28:55
Speaker 1: Whatever it is, that's gonna be the title. Spinning something something dness. Wow, really yeah, I'm sucking spinning side of the Hallmark show. I ever heard of it? That's true? Say I God, that's fucking that's a syllable concept. Hey man, fucking trademark, Kevin Harley. They came.
00:29:12
Speaker 2: Now now we're untouchable.
00:29:18
Speaker 1: I want to share something with you.
00:29:21
Speaker 3: Is it that picture turned upside down.
00:29:25
Speaker 1: And I'm going to show it? Almost so scared the camera this camera here that was looking that this. Think of Momily? Mm hmmm, Mommily.
00:29:40
Speaker 5: You know, okay, the Momily I was like the person, the spirit, the idea, that energy.
00:29:49
Speaker 1: Think of Harley, Harley Cooky. Yeah. So when you think of Momily, like you know, seventy, I'm seventy eight years old, you're not thinking like there was a time when mom only got down in the brown.
00:30:07
Speaker 3: Oh no, that's not what I thought about my grandma.
00:30:14
Speaker 1: This is a photo of your grandfather. Now, because of our complicated family history, like, well, I guess it's not that complicated for us. My mom is adopted. She's like, wait, what what do you mean. I'm like, I didn't tell you this. Oh fuck, I left you on our doorstep. My mom was adopted, so all the people on her side of the family technically we weren't blood with you know. Of course, fucking family is what you make of hi shit. But in the seventies version of family, which was like fucking blood, Mom was a adopted and then she marries Dad, so all dad was not adopted, so everyone in his family was blood relative. But then Mom and Dad make me and Virginia and Donald and we're all blood And then I go off and make you with gen and we're all blood. I guess we're all blood.
00:31:23
Speaker 3: Do you know how it works?
00:31:28
Speaker 15: I explained to you how you got I do know how family trees out, so it stands the reason that there are roots of the family tree. Then had to begin to begin somewhere.
00:31:40
Speaker 1: I had to begin with Momily getting a fucking sparkle in her eye. I would do that, but this fucking stead, Wow, that is fucking that. That's Momily's man.
00:31:55
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. I just wanted to assume, like.
00:32:01
Speaker 1: Oh, you fucking jacks millennial, fucking raised Don's house. That's hysterical.
00:32:11
Speaker 3: Pinching and will work. Your phone's broken?
00:32:14
Speaker 1: Your's broken?
00:32:16
Speaker 3: Who looks kind of like Uncle Don from Afar?
00:32:18
Speaker 1: What no, let me see? I mean, mister Momiy, mister Mommy himself, come Don Smith. Look at him with this fucking ride, look at him one hand on it and ship cool.
00:32:32
Speaker 3: He looks cool.
00:32:33
Speaker 1: He exudes a bit of fucking like you know, no wonder.
00:32:36
Speaker 3: And he would need to to lock down Momily especially.
00:32:40
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean, here's the fucking scandal, Momily being eighteen at the time, and mister Momley not my father was forty two when he married.
00:33:00
Speaker 3: Oh my god, my dad late that.
00:33:06
Speaker 1: Late. That's the only time I can tell you this in the light of day. It was so shameful.
00:33:11
Speaker 3: You waited until night was moment, so you're old.
00:33:14
Speaker 1: Enough to angels. Yeah, no, Momily threw it all away for twenty seven year old nine years twenty seven and eighteen. Wow, So now you're twenty four, so you're past you know, the moment, the mamily moment where you're like, I'm eighteen and I want to get married for the rest of my life.
00:33:45
Speaker 3: I missed that that, I guess, thank god.
00:33:49
Speaker 1: But I mean if you had come to me at age eighteen and you're like, I want married twenty seven year old, I would have been like, all right, yeah, go get ready in your room, and you would have got ready and I would have locked the door, nailed that shut.
00:34:04
Speaker 12: In this scenario, I'm saying I'm gonna go get married, and I'm telling you on the day of my wedding, and you're stopping me from getting ready.
00:34:12
Speaker 1: Yes, you waited that long, And I'm like, well, and I think it's fair that I can take these two bay fours and that fucking nail. The money bedroom door. The thing is your door opens in so you just like tuck under them.
00:34:30
Speaker 3: I did not have that problem. Yeah that would sorry rather you did not have that problem.
00:34:35
Speaker 1: I didn't, But I mean to hear my mother tell the story. Her parents didn't have a problem. Her parents were like what you seven year old man? What are you fucking out of your mind? They were just like, here she is, here's a close.
00:34:53
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
00:34:54
Speaker 5: And they probably weren't calling her Momily, because that's who called her Momily.
00:34:58
Speaker 1: Now my my grandmother, Momily's mom mom, Mommily's Momily, Grandmomily, grandma Grandpapaly and Schultz. She she like, I was super in love with my dad, not like you know that, but she was like out of the way Momily gangway. But he wasn't like a good like good dude. My dad like dodad on my grandmother and should like tut her along all the time and stuff like that. What her lawn motor lawn?
00:35:42
Speaker 3: I see have you ever we've never had a law.
00:35:47
Speaker 1: I guess you're short changed the lawn in life. But to be fair, no lawn, no lawn moments. So true, my Grandmomily had a fucking literally almost an acre of Prompt, pretty corner of K Street, right around the block from our house. Tiny ass house, little dolls house, but big yard that had to get and two giant trees that you know, fucking shed their leaves every fault, so fucking yours truly was always fun to ba like leaves, which I fucking hated.
00:36:22
Speaker 3: I can't even imagine.
00:36:23
Speaker 1: Mowing the lawn took an hour at least because the yard was that fucking big. Like finally, when I was like eighteen, one day, they came home with a tractor mower. I'm like, yeah, yeah, motherfucker, this is practically a farm.
00:36:38
Speaker 3: You need a tractor to mother, and you just sign on it and got to do it.
00:36:43
Speaker 1: Well, my father did because he was like, oh you're you're too young for this. But it was like such a fucking arduous task. I hated it. I hated when my mom was like, you have to go to your grandmother's long I'm like, oh my god, I hate so much. Now, Like I would I'd pay you cash money to moron.
00:37:09
Speaker 3: Would you you wait, you would pay to mold that lawn again?
00:37:16
Speaker 1: Maybe not. I might pay someone to mother lawn and back and be like.
00:37:23
Speaker 11: Yeah, yeah, mote that lawn you would get to live a day and mom Lely's shoes, Momily shoes.
00:37:30
Speaker 1: Momily went out to get her mail with her walker and fucking fell. What this is going back like two years? Fell and felt like under the walker too, and like couldn't get up from for a while. She's like like that. I was thirty minutes. I was trying to get out of the Yeah, like a turtle. She was like, oh no, she was like snapper, Oh no. She was like, is this end?
00:38:01
Speaker 3: She eventually got up, but that's so tragic.
00:38:04
Speaker 1: Well, my was like this, this is touching his frozen right.
00:38:12
Speaker 3: Her stuck under a walk I know.
00:38:14
Speaker 1: She's just like, oh, Harley, come here, Harley, Harley.
00:38:18
Speaker 3: Cookies, Harley.
00:38:24
Speaker 1: She stuck under the chair. She fine. Finally manages to get her phone and started calling the police. She said, you're a picture of the baby. Jesus going, who is this?
00:38:35
Speaker 2: Please?
00:38:35
Speaker 1: Who is this?
00:38:37
Speaker 3: Hardy Harley? Who is this?
00:38:40
Speaker 1: So when that happened, and you know, fucking she talks about so casually, and I was like, no, you live in Florida. If you fall on the ground and can't get up for half an hour, you are literally gator bait.
00:38:55
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
00:38:56
Speaker 1: Could you imagine if I was like, sit down, passed and you're like, oh god, that sucks. I was like, yes, but it gets worse. What do you mean, how did she die? Well? Momily fell under her walker, she was trapped for half an hour and alligator fucking.
00:39:20
Speaker 3: I feel like this is someone's story. Probably this has probably happened, no way.
00:39:25
Speaker 1: But that's what I literally said that to my mother. I was like, mah, like, I'm not even joking. I'm not even like trying to like be funny about it. Like an old lady on the ground not far from water because there she lives in her park. There's water nearby. So could you imagine Mamily's under the phone, under the walker, and the fucking TikTok croc gets out of the water.
00:39:48
Speaker 8: And sees her, and she's just like, dude, like jump Jones proms because us out here.
00:40:04
Speaker 3: Momiy no, why I hate this scenario.
00:40:08
Speaker 1: The next time you talk to Momily, like way more careful when you go out to the man. I was like, mah, I love you to death, but you cannot die being eaten by an alligator, because that's all anyone will ever remember about me. So so fish.
00:40:28
Speaker 3: Hey, what she wants to go out that way?
00:40:30
Speaker 1: She's like tiger, that's my dream. I was like, oh no, oh no, I worked too hard to suddenly fucking lose all this to like dinnis. Yes, she did'nish walker that's what she wanted. I don't know somehow communicated that.
00:40:47
Speaker 3: I'm not really sure what it was about.
00:40:49
Speaker 1: Show you a picture of my dead dad. It's pretty hot.
00:40:56
Speaker 3: There he is, there, he is, he does.
00:40:58
Speaker 1: Think about it. You're fucking story is tied to his story. This, this motherfucker right here, look at him, has no idea. You're who you will one day be.
00:41:11
Speaker 3: It's true.
00:41:13
Speaker 1: This has no idea right now in this photo. You don't even know if I'm gonna be.
00:41:18
Speaker 3: That's so true. And here we are two Momily's at a table, and.
00:41:23
Speaker 1: That's fucking crazy that dude, because that dude stood there next to that car in this picture. We both exist because that's what fucking Mammily was like, Oh my god, I would throw my panties in his face.
00:41:37
Speaker 16: Oh, come on, that's what they did in the fucking sixties, and they threw panties in men's faces.
00:41:51
Speaker 1: Please, that's what my dad said.
00:41:53
Speaker 3: It's midnight and it's so show about Mommily is going to grow off.
00:41:57
Speaker 1: You're twenty four, Sometimes, Mommily.
00:42:00
Speaker 3: I'm twenty five. I wanted to see I wanted to see you your aren't you?
00:42:10
Speaker 1: I know?
00:42:23
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00:42:36
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00:42:36
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00:42:43
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