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“With is greater than for.” That’s a quote that has a lot of meanings, but in this case, it carries the idea that doing life WITH God is greater than doing life FOR God. Our most meaningful interactions with God, whether a quiet time, fasting, silence, prayer, or any other spiritual discipline, tend to occur when we’re doing them with God instead of for God. So what does this have to do with mentoring? Well, everything. Just like our relationships with God are built stronger when we’re doing things with God, the same holds true for our mentoring relationships. Doing things WITH your mentee is undoubtedly going to teach them more than if you’re just doing things FOR your mentee. Which is where projects come in. Having a goal or project to accomplish with your mentee can help you grow closer. John is back flying solo this week to unpack these ideas and give some practicals on how you can use the power of practicals to grow closer to your mentees.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Crisis. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 3:Welcome, friends. This is John here. I am going to talk to you today about the power of the project. So I am a project guy. I'm sure a lot of you are project guys and girls out there.
Speaker 3:You enjoy the process of maybe building something or fixing something right. Nothing feels better than taking something that others might throw away and you being able to redeem that thing and maybe even make it run better, work better than it did before. Right? So I love projects so much that, well, about 6 years ago, I took what was a real passion project myself of a skate ministry and moved into full time ministry, which is now a project based mentoring ministry called middleman. So lots of m words there.
Speaker 3:Right? So, yes, I love projects. You guys, they give us practical application of the really deep and wonderful theological truths. Again, we know God is is redeeming and restoring here on earth even now on a daily basis, moment by moment basis even. And so when we partake of projects and take part in watching that happen in a real way in terms of, like, fixing a thing, well, I think again it just kinda reflects what God's doing in eternity.
Speaker 3:And so I know that you might be a part of a ministry or a mentoring organization that isn't really about kind of getting your hands dirty literally or doing things like this, but that does not mean that you can't take the opportunity from time to time to do a little project with your mentee or your mentor. So allow me to kind of share a little bit about why this is important and maybe frame it in such a way that you might value taking a little bit of a approach with your mentee to do some projects together. Okay? So in about 2016, I would say that was kind of the pivot point for me in terms of really valuing the power of projects. Okay?
Speaker 3:At that time, I was starting a new ministry position in a small Texas town, and I can remember we had purchased a little rent house, a little farm house that was just had just really kind of been kept nice enough to be inhabitable, but it had some real needs. And so at this point, you know, I'm starting a new position, kind of excited about ministry and becoming a part of the community there, and was not even thinking about having to do any kind of work to this place. So what I did, which is what a lot of folks do, is you have a meeting with a contractor. And so I did a walk around on this little farmhouse there in Brenham, Texas and was able to say, okay. We need some kitchen work done and some flooring and some walls and some bathrooms.
Speaker 3:And I can remember distinctly at the end of this meeting while while I'm walking around with this contractor who's taking notes, and I said something to the effect of, so not quite sure what this is gonna cost. But if it's something like you know? And I think I said, like, 15 or $20,000. You know? If it's gonna be crazy, then I'm gonna probably have to make another plan, and then I laughed because I thought that was just so hilarious because I made a joke about something being way more expensive than it was gonna be.
Speaker 3:Well, guess what? Actually, the work was quoted over the amount of even the $20,000. And so I thought, oh, man. What are we going to do? A house that has so many needs, a contractor who I just can't afford.
Speaker 3:I'm really gonna have to do this myself. And so interestingly enough kind of my heart for project ministry came out of necessity like often things do. Right? Bred from Necessity based on the fact that we had a house that needed to get worked on. So just a couple of years later after that experience of of digging in, of learning, of asking a lot of questions, of of asking for a lot of favors from guys that I knew that were older than me, and guys that, you know, owned businesses that that were real handy after they kinda came through and helped me work on that house.
Speaker 3:And as I learned some things, I thought, man, you know what I'm ready for? I'm ready to get a truck. That's a project truck. And so back then, you know, the thing you did was Craigslist. And I went on to Craigslist.
Speaker 3:I found a truck for sale just so cheap near Austin. We drove over. I took the whole family, and wouldn't you know it, I'm driving back that day in this old truck that had just a terrible terribly cracked windshield. I could barely see out of it all the way from Austin back home to Brenham. That was such an adventure as well.
Speaker 3:But that truck was also part of this process of just kinda realizing how gratifying having a vision for something, realizing that that in its current condition, a thing is in pretty rough shape. But having that vision to be able to say, you know what? With some time and effort, with some community, with some resources pointed at this thing, it can really be very valuable. Again, what a metaphor for life, isn't it? To be able to say, look, value is greater than our choices or greater than our behavior.
Speaker 3:We have value and there are kids that we are going to mentor who are so much more valuable than the bad choices they make. And so it's kind of our job as a mentor to see that vision, to have that vision, to see that worth, and to think, you know what, with some time and some consistency and with pouring some resources into this life, our hope would be that God redeems and does a great work. And so from that point on you guys, I really valued ministry in that way and project based mentoring. In fact, I was just looking at my notes here. I said 2016 and 2018 that happened.
Speaker 3:That's not true. That was actually 2,006. I was wondering why that felt like it was so recent. So, in fact, it was 2,006 and 2,008 when kind of I caught the the project based ministry bug. And then I would say, gosh, within 10 years of that time, I really started to see how project based youth ministry would help to feed purpose, especially as something that we wanted to teach kids.
Speaker 3:I can remember back to that truck story that there was a day not only was I able to be able to spend some really ample time with some great older men in the church who knew their stuff mechanically and who were a great help to me. But I can remember a kid named Scott asking if it would be okay if when I go to do a specific job on this truck, if he's he's gonna hang out because he'd never really gotten under the hood of a car. And that was, like, the light bulb moment. Right? When I said, you know what?
Speaker 3:That thing that I enjoy doing, it's really not just about me doing it. And it's really not about me kind of soaking up that time with these older guys who know their stuff. It really is about me being able to say, well, I have this as a resource. I need to be able to use it to pour into the lives of younger kids. Because again, we live in a time when our teenagers don't really have a high value for restoration and repair, do they?
Speaker 3:Because when something breaks, you don't fix it. You actually just replace it. So all the more reason why something that is project based is really important for us to be able to talk about. You know what? Relationships work in the same way.
Speaker 3:When there's a break, when there's something that happens, we don't just say you're canceled now and I'm moving on to a new friend. Instead, you say, you know what? We've got a process now of that we have to go through of healing and of restoring. And hopefully, we will see God honored and glorified in that process. So youth ministry kinda took a new turn for me just a few years ago, maybe more like 10 years ago if I'm getting on my years right now when I realized, hey, I'm not gonna do as much for the teenagers in my group anymore.
Speaker 3:Instead, I wanna do stuff with them. Okay? And so this is where we kinda come up with that important saying for middleman, which is with is greater than 4. Okay? With is greater than 4.
Speaker 3:So scripturally, it's great for us to look at 1st Samuel chapter 15 when we kind of get this truth from God's word about why he wants us to do things with him as opposed to do things for him. So think about that for a moment, if you would, that statement. How does that make you feel for me to say that God wants us to do things with him and not for him? Alright. There's a big difference in that.
Speaker 3:Right? So back to first Samuel 15, Samuel rebukes Saul because Saul was instructed by the Lord to wipe out the Amalekites altogether. I mean, his army was to go through and kill every man, woman, and child, all the livestock, all their leadership, everything that was good, everything that was not as valuable. They were instructed to go through and completely decimate these people. Now, Saul doesn't do that.
Speaker 3:In fact, what he does is instead, he decides to keep the king alive and to kind of divvy out some of the best livestock to some of his men and even go so far as to say that he was wanting to offer these good things up to the Lord as sacrifice. Right? So, again, justifying himself, Saul was, by saying, well, I wanna take what's good from these people and I wanna sacrifice them to the Lord to make him happy. And this is what Samuel says in reply to Saul. He says, does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord?
Speaker 3:To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you as king. And so that was Saul's undoing in first Samuel 15 when, honestly, he thought he knew better. And he thought what he could do is kind of enjoy his own thinking and his own reasoning to say, you know what?
Speaker 3:We've got some good resources here. I know God said to destroy it all, but instead, let's keep it. Let's use it, and then we'll we'll, like, we'll just have an offering made to the Lord so that he can stay pleased. Again, with is always greater than 4. God wants us to do things with him as opposed to for him.
Speaker 3:And that can be that can be a tricky lesson. That can be a tricky thing to to talk about. Again, we wouldn't wanna be we don't wanna maybe miss miss say that term in terms of when it when we come to if God if we believe God wants to do something for him. Not necessarily saying that that that's the case, but that we have to say, you know what? Instead of this being my idea, I want this to be God's idea, and then I only wanna do for him what he has told me to do, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:So Jesus says, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me. Right? So that's really what we see that Saul was not good at. He wasn't in essence not denying himself, but instead thinking that he had the better idea. Certainly wasn't sacrificing to take up his cross in that way, and and again was not really following what the Lord had said, but instead was following his own reasoning in that.
Speaker 3:God is good, and he can be trusted, and so that's why we follow, and that's why we desire to obey. That's why we want to do things with him instead of for him. So that was such a freeing thing again in my own life when youth ministry really stopped being about the things I was doing for teenagers, and instead really started becoming the things that I do with teenagers. So let me kind of share what that means maybe from a programmer's perspective. Like many other in youth others in youth ministry, you know, your week kinda looks like spending maybe the that first part of the week as you get ready for Wednesday night.
Speaker 3:And so you're getting your bible study ready. You're maybe going and finding the games that you're gonna play during your Wednesday night meeting. Maybe even you're kinda having to do shopping and, like, buy food for the kids that are gonna come. If you're like me, you just kinda have all of these to do lists on those Mondays Tuesdays as you get ready for Wednesday evening. And then the hope is that you have all these things planned out, all the purchases made, everybody in leadership in place, and that you execute a ministry time that your students will really value.
Speaker 3:Right? So when it's almost like you are preparing a meal during the first half of the week, and you hope that when they come to eat on Wednesday evening, even if they're doing it literally, right, that they enjoy it. And so much to the to the point that they'll say, you know what? This was really worth my time. I'll come back next week.
Speaker 3:And again, you probably find yourself doing that come Thursday Friday as you get ready for Sunday morning or Sunday night programming as well. So there's a lot of having to do 4 in youth ministry, I discovered. Well, again, when I turned that corner and kind of decided that I was going to try to have more with opportunities with youth ministry, it really kind of meant instead of maybe preparing the entire meal, sometimes it looked like maybe just putting out some of the ingredients and allowing the students to really take it. So that can be with a game that we were going to play where we had the things available to them, but maybe not completely planned out for them to do something and instead said, hey. What can we kinda come up with to do if we have these resources?
Speaker 3:What's something that you guys can be thinking about that we should do? Even with our programming, I might bring some projects from time to time and say, hey. If somebody can help during this time, you know, we're gonna we're gonna paint the youth room together, and that gives them an opportunity to take part and be a part of what you have going. So with is always going to translate into a few things that are really important in ministry and in mentoring. So when you think about this idea of maybe doing less things for your mentor or for your mentee, and maybe doing more things with your mentee.
Speaker 3:Let's kind of talk about what that looks like to have some projects in mind is or some shared experiences. That's what you get to do to begin with is to really have something that you're doing together. To say, instead of me kinda spending all of this time preparing a thing or doing it on my own, I'm going to invite my mentee into that experience. And the thing that's going to result from that is that your mentee is now going to have the investment of their time and of their effort into whatever you guys do together. Right?
Speaker 3:So again, it's not about your mentee being entertained all the time. Hard work or maybe even a a simple task might be something that your mentee really thrives in because they know that you're asking them to do something important that's valuable, and so they really wanna do a good job to it with it. And maybe that's something they don't get a lot of times. Maybe they don't have a lot of people asking them to do things that are actually maybe enjoyable or that have the same kind of results. Because, you know, schoolwork is not really what we're talking about here even even as you do projects at school because there seem to be so many of them.
Speaker 3:And you really only are completing a thing to get a grade and then you go on to the next thing. But when you have something that's maybe a little bit more tangible, then you're gonna have that investment and that pride of how they feel. So they're gonna feel valued in that. I share a lot of times also from a parent a parent's perspective of what it means to give responsibilities to my kids because when my son became of age in order to be able to take the trash out, well, that was a really great thing to be able to share because he was now understanding that when I asked him to do a thing, he was not only doing something that would benefit him, but it would benefit everybody in the family. And so it's also important when we share about what it means to perform a a task well or to complete a project, you're able to say, you know what?
Speaker 3:When you did this, it not only helped me, but it also helped others as well. And so from a family perspective, that's always a really good thing. Another thing that you benefit from when you begin to hand over some project opportunities, or you get really good stories, you know? Because again, when it's about entertaining, you're they're not really interactive. They're more of just kind of in the audience.
Speaker 3:Right? Kinda watching a thing that you're doing or or or listening to what you're saying. But a project allows them to be a participant in it. Right? They get to be a player in it.
Speaker 3:And so that so often is able to kinda grow that relationship and really stem some good stories from the experiences that you have. Now then, what does it mean to kinda practice this with is greater than 4 approach? What does it mean to to practice the power of the project in your Minty relationships? Well, here is how to start. Because guess what?
Speaker 3:Maybe even by now you I've I've lost you altogether because you think, you know what, John? I don't do projects. Like, again, if something breaks, I just get it replaced. Or, you know, whenever I have so much help in my life that I really don't ever have to need to turn a wrench on anything. All of this is totally foreign to me, and I wouldn't know even where to start because as I've heard people say, well, I'm just not handy.
Speaker 3:So what do I do? You know what? In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that I've had a conversation with our friend, Zach Garza. And I wanna say that Zach would be pretty quick to say that he is not the handiest of guys. Alright?
Speaker 3:Now I don't know if that's necessarily true, but he says that he's just not kind of a handy guy. Now here's what I would say to that or to you if you're thinking, I don't know how to get projects into my mentee mentor relationship. How do how do I even start? Well, let me tell you this way. First of all, start small.
Speaker 3:Okay? You do not have to rebuild an engine with your mentee. We're not talking about taking a car completely apart and then putting it back together again, if you don't have experience doing that or or anything else that might be too complicated. What I would say is simply do a thing. You know what you could say is, hey, we we are gonna go shopping on Tuesday evening because I need to go to a few places and I would love you I would love to have you come with me on that.
Speaker 3:That is a real easy way to get someone involved and say, you know what? We're not out. We're not gonna go out to have fun. I'm not, you know, we're not stopping to play video games somewhere. I'm not gonna win you a prize.
Speaker 3:It's not about taking you out for ice cream. Actually, all that I really wanna do is I just wanna be able to go to Target and get a few things, and I would love to have you with me. Okay. I've gotta, you know, I gotta get kitty litter or something. That my friends is, can be a really special time because what you're doing is you're inviting someone in to the, to the day to day stuff that you do, and you'll find that conversation and what you see and what you do could just be a lot of fun.
Speaker 3:So again, that is even a way to start small with this idea of projecting or being able to enjoy a process of some kind together. So what if you wanna do something like, you know, replace a leaky sink or paint or fix something that that is broken at the house or at the office and you wanna invite your mentee into that. Well, let me let me tell you this. We have a wonderful invention in what is known as YouTube. And so what I would recommend you do is watch a YouTube video over it.
Speaker 3:You know? I I have right now and this is kind of embarrassing to say, but within the ministry and my personal collection of vehicles, I've got, like, 9 cars. And some of you think that's really cool, and I and I thank you for that. And some of you all think that's ridiculous for a person to have that many vehicles, and all I can say is that I'll pray for you, that you'll see the light of why why having such a stable is important. Well, so here's the funny thing about all the stuff that I work on, whether it's a really old car or whether it's a really new car, mostly when it's the new stuff.
Speaker 3:But I've rarely ever change out a water pump or replace exhaust or rebuild a carburetor without watching a YouTube video over the job getting done. So as you can imagine, watching a YouTube video over a process like that of over a project is helpful because you're able to watch what the person does for the project, the tools that are needed and any kind of advice or any, any problems that might present themselves through the process. So I highly recommend whatever skill that you want to tackle with your mentee as a project, watch a YouTube video about it. 1st, watch multiple YouTube videos. You'll learn a lot and there's no shame in coming prepared.
Speaker 3:You'll feel so much more confident about the work when you do that. The next thing I would recommend on how to start a project based mentoring ministry would be reach out to your mentors. Okay. So if this is something that you want to get a mentee involved in doing a thing together, and you don't feel so confident about that thing that you're going to do, well, that's where you can call on somebody who really knows their stuff. Okay.
Speaker 3:Might be a mentor of yours. It might be a family member. Just get somebody and bring somebody into the process that can be your expert. With our latest ministry of Muscle Car Mondays for middle man here in Wake, I knew that the strength of that ministry was really going to be about not only my opportunity to put the word out and get some students involved to be hanging out on Monday nights, but it was really going to be about getting some guys who knew their stuff, who who could go farther in their technical knowledge than I have or or that I would be able to. And so it was gonna be the strength of the mentors that we had there to be able to get those projects done.
Speaker 3:And that's really what we were able to do with our guys that we have working. So reach out to somebody and ask questions and find out. I can tell you this, that there are some people in your life that would love to be asked for for them to be brought into a project that you have to do. There are those who don't really care about gifts or words of affirmation as much as they do just to be asked by someone who cares for them, who they care about to say, hey, can you help me with this? I could really use your help as I try to pour into the life of my mentee.
Speaker 3:They would love to be a part of that. And finally, this is what I would recommend as well when it comes to projects because you might be thinking about, well, when it comes to doing car work or housework, you might have had a parent who was not always the kindest when it came to the heat of the moment. Right? Because a lot of times when we're working on something, we can get frustrated and the job is not going the way we intended. It's going much slower.
Speaker 3:Maybe we can get ourselves hurt if we're not careful. And so you think, oh, you know what? I would hate to start a project with a mentee and then become upset or angry. And then in some way, say something that wouldn't be the right thing to say. And you know what?
Speaker 3:You're right to think that way, because you don't want to do that. So how is it that you can maybe attempt a project without causing damage or without getting yourself too flustered with your mentee? And I would say this before you begin, just really communicate well to your mentee to say, hey, we are going to try to do this job together. And I can tell you that it may not be easy because I've never done it before. But no matter what, I am going to keep my cool and I'm not going to let this thing get the better of me.
Speaker 3:Instead, I'm just going to enjoy our time together realizing that this is a social opportunity and that that's so much more important than the job getting done. And no matter what, that is going to be your win. So that no matter what happens, let's say that you just don't even finish the job, or let's say when you turn around and look at that room that you just painted, it really looks awful. Well, guess what? We're going to call it a win because you got to spend time with your mentee and they got the opportunity to feel like they were important and valuable that they have purpose.
Speaker 3:And that's what you really get to speak into so often when it comes to these projects, that they can do a thing. Right. And so every time they see that project or every time they see that thing that y'all built together, they will remember that that was something that they got to take part in that you asked them to be a part of. And so they got to do something with you even as opposed to you doing something for them. So with is greater than 4.
Speaker 3:I appreciate you guys and your heart for mentoring. I hope that you might be able to think about this idea. Hit us up if we can help out with helping to think about scope of projects, we would love to be able to give you some ideas in the future about that as well. And remember, you can mentor.