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Most of the powerful, unguarded conversations we have as practitioners happen behind the scenes. This podcast was created to bring those conversations forward. It’s a space for real talk about client work, presence, creating powerful containers for waking others up, embodied change, and the ways we continue to grow and meet our edges as we guide others.
Aila (01:12)
Hi everyone, welcome to Inside the Practitioner's Path. I'm Ila and I'm going to share a video that I created yesterday and I created it for the Practitioner's Path group that Barb and I are facilitating right now. And you know, I created it for the group from a question that came forward during the weekend and I just thought Barb and I were talking about it today. I thought that it could be
helpful, you know beyond the group it might be supportive for some of you who are Looking at this whole idea of creating containers of facilitating groups of partnership co-facilitating and really in the video I go into a question that somebody asked around that around How do we create a container? not just in the logistics like 9 9 a.m. To 2 p.m. Or
You know, that kind of thing, but it's more about the spirit behind it, the energy behind the container, which was what our whole weekend was about. What we looked at in a very deep way. was really the mindset, the perception, the the grounding behind the work, like where Barb and I are coming from inside ourselves and our perception of our clients.
as we enter into work privately with our clients, but also of course, as we facilitate groups together. So the intention of this weekend inside the group was around like what creates the container? Like what contributes to it? What chips away at it? What makes for a safe feeling container?
what makes for a container that feels wonky and unsafe or unwelcoming. Like how do we as practitioners create a ⁓ really nourishing space within ourselves first, ultimately, so that we can bring that into our work with others. And we went deep into exploring the ideas of like, do we really seek
people is broken and needing fixing. And if we do, my goodness, we can get really caught up in our agenda for what they should do to be better. We can get really attached to their ⁓ awakening in a certain timeframe and really dropping out of that and dropping into this deeper understanding that we're operating from, that Barb and I are creating from, is appreciating that we're
We're whole and complete beings. We're full of wisdom. We're full of insight. We're full of health, of wellness, of inspiration. We're connected to infinite intelligence. We're sourced in a very profound and personal way. And that as practitioners, seeing that for ourselves first, if we don't see it for ourselves, it's pretty hard to imagine that it's in some of us and not all of us.
But if we don't know that for ourselves in a really felt way, in a true way, where we have experience of feeling into the truth of who we are, our beingness, you know, the essence of who we are that's never ultimately changed, it's been with us, the presence that's been with us since we arrived, wherever we arrived. But the fullness of that, that doesn't need to strive to be more loving or worthy.
that essence that came in as a little baby that is welcomed. the way that we see ourselves, it really translates to how we show up and can show up for our clients. The way we relate to ourselves when we are, let's say, triggered or our school's in session, as spiritual psychology might say, or when we're in a low mood. The way that we relate to ourselves.
How we see that. Do we see that as an indicator that we're broken? That we get low or depressed or angry or frustrated or sad? Or do we see those as portals for awakening and ultimately bringing deeper levels of presence and love to ourselves? Do we see, like how do we really perceive the human and what's on offer inside of that experience of being human?
what's available, you know, the awakening is available, the remembering is available, but it is absolutely not necessary for somebody to live a really beautiful life. And there's that dance that's so beautiful that we just talked about, you know, for this last retreat for two full days of really holding the both, holding the paradox of we're whole and complete, we need nothing, we're...
You know, we're connected. We're, we're, gosh, just like a really welcomed part of the all. And as a human, as a mom, as a coach, as a business owner at times, I'm looking for support and I want to see more around my own resiliency or around my own health, around my own capacity to meet myself in presence, no matter what I'm feeling. So I go look for a coach. go look.
for a healer, for a human that holds both. And that's pretty special to really, to show up for people in that way. I've received that kind of coaching and mentorship as a client, which I'm so grateful for. And then it's also the intention and the way of being that Barb and I are holding as we're working with this current group that we're holding space for.
And so in this podcast, in the podcast is ⁓ that you're going to tune into in a moment is really just a deeper look at how she and I collaborate and how we, you know, hold space together, how we create the space, how, you know, how that partnership looks in real time and what it's like to hold for a group and to facilitate the group.
So I go into some nuances in there and I hope that it's helpful. All right, enjoy.
Barbara Patterson (08:00)
Hi everyone. All right. So I'm going to do a little share here about creating a practitioner as spaceholder as a riverbank. You know, appreciating the container and how we influence it. And given this question that came up during our weekend together, I'm going to just hone in on
collaborating, you creating a container and collaboration, but also holding the space for a group. And I think one of the questions that came in was around like, do we do, let's say, Barb and I, do we talk about each of you? And are we like doing intake and things like that? So I thought I would just talk about two primary areas. And I've run
So many groups now, like workshops and or long-term groups. And it's really, I've definitely had an evolution with how I hold that. And sometimes there's curriculum, like very clear curriculum that I'm gonna be guiding the group through. And sometimes there's just an overarching intention, like the mastermind that I run. I have like little themes here or there, but ultimately every single session, it's like, me show up.
and get present and see what would serve the people. Let me ask questions. Let me feel into kind of a general assessment of like where everybody's at and perhaps bring forward a teaching point or a talking point and be impacted for sure. I let myself be impacted by the group and what the group is asking for or my perception of it.
But there's like, this could be like a month long conversation about running groups, holding space for groups. So again, I'm just gonna kind of highlight a few key things that I see.
And I'll go here first. It's like partnering. And I don't actually know if this was really the most important part of the question that came up, but I certainly started thinking about it. And I was like, what is it like to create a container with a partner? why would I do that? Or like, what's the benefit of that? And what would I recommend to people about that?
And I do feel like there's something incredibly important inside of me around who I'm bringing in to do a body of work with into like who I'm partnering with. And part of that is this deep appreciation that I wanna know, like with Barb and I, it's really beautiful that we have this shared appreciation.
that the humans that we're being blessed to get to hold space for and to facilitate in some ways, the humans are already all right. The kids are all right. The humans are great. And then there's opportunities to point and to guide gently. But in that appreciation of a partner for me,
has got to have that as something that they see inside and out of for themselves. That their relationship with themselves, they're onto it when they get really pressurey on themselves or they get really ⁓ attached to outcome in their work and putting pressure on themselves. that their inner environment that they're living in has intentionality in it. Has a
There's a lightness in it. There's a genuine curiosity about how to meet things as they come forward, how to be present with themselves. There's like a safety. feel when I'm talking to Barb as a friend, as a colleague, as a coach, as a mentor, there's a safety in, I know that no matter what I bring forward, if I'm just like, I'm sad today, she's gonna be like, yes, tell me, know, like, yeah.
Or there's a welcoming of whatever's moving through and we have this shared understanding that it's not a problem. It doesn't impact our work. Whatever's surfacing, it's not a indicator of brokenness. It's like in fact, it's like we're these beings of light here fully participating in a human experience with like
⁓ It's like a mystery ride. We don't know what's going to come forward in our thinking and our feeling and our sensing, but our intention is to really remember ourselves as the one that can hold the space for anything.
any experience, the welcoming energy of it all. So just in terms of a partnership, it's like, wow, it's so special to get to connect with like-hearted, like-minded, ⁓ you know, a collaborator and to be like, do you wanna create this thing? you know, here's where I'm coming from. Where are you coming from with this? Like, I wanna have a space where people can drop in.
And really notice like where are they cutting themselves short in a way? Where are they limiting their, full range of experience and be with people who are interested in waking up more to the fullness, really waking up more. with this eye on whole and complete already, there's no award for doing the most personal growth work or waking up to the biggest insight. There's none of that. It's like.
we get to play in the physical world and we get to learn how to be more loving and compassionate with ourselves. And in that, it's like the freedom to create in the physical world gets so interesting and so fun. And taking the pressure off creating. You know, I really came into the world with this idea that I needed to save everybody. And that's been like a really...
like painful and profound unwinding to really drop in and be like, my God, the only one I need to save is myself. Meaning the only one that I can truly meet when I'm feeling fear, when I'm feeling anger, whatever it might be, the only one that I need to be present with is myself first.
And to see what happens inside myself when I let that place in me that thinks there's a problem out there that needs solving, or there's people out there that need saving, my process of getting in touch with that feeling of desperation or fear or sadness around that, that people need fixing, that people need saving, that people must have help.
getting into a relationship with a part of me that's believed that and then felt the pain of that has been really transformational in my work with my clients and work with kids that are suicidal or self-harming or parents who are ⁓ violent. it's been really amazing to have done that kind of integration work where I'm not necessarily looking at everybody in a group, looking at them like you need saving, you need rescuing.
The truth is no matter what's coming forward through your space, through your feeling, your sensing, your thinking, your memory, I'm not afraid of it. Partly because I know who you're with. It's like no matter what you've done, what you felt, what you're thinking, it's not who you really are. It's what's moving through the awareness. It's what's moving through this, this like temporary.
It's the temporary expression. It's not the truth. It's like, remember the ground. Remembering the ground is primary.
for really remembering that we're not here to rescue each other, remind each other of the fullness of the strength and really doing that through embodying that. That feels like the way I get to help.
So creating, again, even in this work of service, this work of helping people, it's really doing it from the joy of it, of like, God, I feel called to do this. Not because I'm mandated, not because it's gonna make me enter the gates of heaven, not because of anything, not because of a misunderstanding that the world needs saving, but because I'm called to it, because I love doing this kind of work. I love.
helping people, helping young people wake up to the fullness of who they are and that they don't necessarily need to be as afraid of life as they might be. They don't need to be as afraid of their feelings as they might be. And that just inviting them into deeper levels of experience and safety, it feels so satisfying and fulfilling to me. I love it. So having a partner to do that with who holds that whole and complete
And where are the invitations to like sprinkle in the awareness of portals, the awareness of contracting as the potential gateway? Like, where can we bring forward this kind of really compassionate work? Very compassionate, it's very sweet. It's like gentle, you know, it's very gentle.
So in partnership, and just to lay it out here like this, it's like Barb and I have lots of conversations around what's the piece of work that's next. So like this weekend we came out of our second ⁓ retreat, the, you know, exploring what it means for the practitioner to be the guide and the riverbank, opposed to like the engine of transformation and doing and.
needing to be on and all this stuff. So we just, do it in a lot of ways. We write about it to each other. We do voice messages about it. We talk about it. And the fun, like the funnest part for me working with my, this is how I do my own work with the groups I run, but with Barb, it's like getting very into it and feeling things that resonate. Like, yeah, let's talk about that. Okay, ooh, a little process around this could be good.
Okay, and then we'll take a break and then we'll explore this a little bit. Doing all of that with like joy, enthusiasm, commitment, but holding it all lightly. Like, let's see what, let's also see, let's leave space for what we're feeling, sensing, picking up as we go. So our process is like, it's so neat because it's, it's,
We care about the content for sure, but we have an overarching intention and that's the guiding light. So we just had, you know, 12 hours of work together. We had ideas for the first day, the second day very loosely, but the first day, but at the break in the morning after the morning of the first day, we're reflecting and just touching in like, what are you picking up? What are you sensing?
Are we on track with where we're going or did somebody say something that's bringing forward a whole different idea? Are we seeing something? We're letting it evolve us on the go. Which is so exhilarating because it's so real time. There's no, it's not plastic. Like I know what I'm teaching. I'm going through the seven steps. No, it's like alive and interactive.
And we are absolutely feeling out what is coming up for people. And if we ever get an idea about like, this person, it would be great for them to see more around that. I'm just like, yeah, yeah. Or, you know, Barb's like, yep, yep. And then it's like, maybe, ⁓ maybe, maybe not. Like we really hold our thinking about everybody very lightly and just appreciating that you all have wisdom, you all have insight.
perfect timing and the way that you're unfolding. ⁓ Anytime we get an idea like they must know this, it's like, yeah, okay, let's create a process and then we get to it, let's say three hours later, right before it, if we're on a break, we're gonna look at it and be like, is this still relevant? Does it still feel interesting, helpful, useful? Maybe, maybe not. And this last weekend, very good example of that, of we kind of created each section.
as it unfolded. And I think that that takes just a willingness to be in the unknown, which I know earlier in my facilitation career, it was harder to do that. I really wanted to know the whole script for the whole time. And then I'd get very edgy if it felt like people weren't complying. The sharings were too long or they were too short or whatever it might be. And being able to ⁓
just keep feeling into what would serve the group. ⁓ every now and again, Barb and I would reflect on, this person shared about this. Do we wanna go deeper into that? In full transparency, we had a whole idea for the second day that we essentially scrapped. We did a little bit of it. But we were tuning in to what was occurring on the Saturday and in the evening conversation we had.
We got clear about something. I was like, oh, this is the natural next thing. Okay. And then in the morning we met and we kind of mapped out a little pathway that we would take. this is just so much, you know, thought, thoughtfulness, care, love. Um, and I can appreciate how at times I would think this is procrastination or this is doing it all in the last minute and how I see that now it's like,
That's kind of the way, the way it makes sense to me because I'm in real time and really feeling into what's occurring. And then Barb and I, like we are the both the leaders in our own businesses. So coming together, it's like we're figuring out our dance of really when to let go of an idea I might think is important. And I know she does that too. It's like to.
to have this again kind of falling back into the ground that we're standing on and then the container we're creating, it's like, there's nothing that must happen. So any idea I get like grippy around, that's a portal for me. But in general, it's like, I actually shared this with Barb during the weekend where I had an idea about something, like I really would like to do that. And we didn't end up doing it. And we had a little moment of checking in about it. And what is true for me is,
Inside myself. I just have so much trust in how things are unfolding Not only in the workshop or a retreat but in life But it's like I thought we were gonna go here. ⁓ we're not okay. This is good, too This is good, too. It's like a new arrival a new place where anything can be created from But I do appreciate that collaborating with somebody that shares those
tendencies is super helpful. And I've done collaborations in the past that were really tricky because there was a lot of ⁓ power struggles, I'll say. And I know I've grown a lot and I think I'm, but I mean, and I think I just, have a deeper grounding around surrendering, trusting the flow, tuning in. ⁓
And really it's fun to collaborate with somebody who could do all of this on her own. You know, so there's a real lightness in it where we both do this work individually and in our own groups. So coming together, it's like the magic of like, my God, I wouldn't have thought of that. That's so great. Yes, let's do that. And, and just enjoying the partnership and enjoying the, creativity that emerges from it.
that neither of us could have figured out. Like neither of us could do on our own. Coming together, it's like, whoa, how fun. Or wow, what you said. You know, we're very appreciative of each other too. And just get to share like, love that. You know, I'm growing so much as I witnessed Barb work with people and I get to see like pathways I wouldn't have taken in a conversation that she takes at times. Like, oh my God, my brain just expanded.
Yeah, so I think there's like, there's
It's cool to collaborate. And I know I think this wasn't the heart of the question, but I know a lot of you are considering collaborating with people. And it's really neat to have conversations perhaps ahead of time around like, what would you do if we noticed something needed a shift on the fly? that okay? Or, know, I wonder if we'll both see the portals as portals.
Trigger each other. Can we take responsibility? Can we talk about it? Can we, how are we gonna relate to it if we ⁓ have a little hiccup come in around a communication thing? Yeah, it's a really cool, yeah, I just find it really fun. Specifically working with Barb, I love collaborating in general, but it's very neat to.
kind of becoming from a similar awareness and interest in the ground and in what creates a container, a helpful, nurturing, welcoming container. And a lot of people have different ideas about that. So it's very cool to be living the work as we're teaching it and doing it. What else about a group?
I think we have some fundamental, ⁓ deeper understanding, not deeper, but like what I mean is like foundational understandings that Barb and I are both bringing, which is like whatever's occurring in this moment with this person, we're curious about it. There's nothing and you'll notice kind of throughout the weekend. It's like, there's nothing that's like,
cast aside, you know, there's like intentionality, yes. And encouragement, yes. There's, there's a...
Hmm.
It's like our pure clear intention is to welcome whatever's occurring with each person.
And I think to do that, are holding a space of allowing inside of ourselves. So a place of safety. We're perfectly aware that somebody might have a full blown ⁓ rageful feeling come in. And ideally we're going to be like, yes, yes, yes, yes, portal. Yeah, let's welcome it. ⁓ Somebody might have a big experience come up and I might.
send Barb a chat that says, let's stick with this instead of moving on or vice versa. So we're in connection for sure throughout and just sensing, feeling, moving, noticing the energy of the container of like, is it tightening? Let's open it up. ⁓ Yeah. And one of the days we did, you know, the process of just noticing what are the portals that are showing up. And we had a shared awareness of like,
Let's not go right to break. Let's make sure that the other fully true reality is present, is yeah, opportunities to move in the direction of more presence. Simultaneously, you're done. You're enough. You know, you're baked. You're good. Nothing else needed. These are invitations. They are not expectations. And that
you know that she and I both hold that it really impacts the container. If we were holding it in a way that's like, you're missing out. ⁓ And it is a little balance. I know I shared during the weekend about my client where I saw a big opportunity and it's like, and then she wasn't ready. And then inside of me, it's like, no problem. I trust her process.
I trust it and as practitioners wanting to do this work and or, you know, facilitated or with ourselves, with others, whatever, it's my job to point it out, but to hold it inside like, and she's whole and complete. She doesn't need anything more. And at some point that, that invitation will keep coming, you know, it's not gonna, the portals keep popping up.
At some point she might have an awareness of there might be enough safety inside. That's the other thing I really appreciate. Sometimes people need to know that there's safety and to feel it in order to let themselves fall into a feeling that they've been afraid of. So I have so much appreciation for people's processes, processes and where they're at, what they're willing to look at, what they're not. And again, having that ⁓ shared understanding with a
co-facilitator is like beautiful because I trust her completely with all of you and and I think vice versa. It's like we're not going to push on somebody to go somewhere if they're clearly not willing and or ready is really the word. What else can I say? A shared container creating
There's also no perfection for us, you know, as we're working together and by myself too, it's like facilitating any kind of a group. It's adjusting on the go and given that most of our containers are an hour and a half, an hour, you know, a day here, a day here. Sometimes the learning or the awareness is after the fact. It's like, yeah, I got really concerned about timing and I rushed through this thing and it did affect.
the feeling. Okay, noted. I'm going to integrate that and I'm sure, you know, I'll have a different idea the next time that moment pops up. I'll have insight around it.
Let's see. And I think the relationship that we have with ourselves, the container we're holding for ourselves, the way we meet ourselves or not impacts the way we can create a container for others, as I know we've just gone into so much. But just appreciating that, that that's all what...
we're tuning into as we create the container for all of you. We're tuning into that. That it's like how,
What have we seen for ourselves around our capacity to meet anything that's arising and to really appreciate how often we live our lives trying to avoid what might come up? What might come up? ⁓
And just what, you know, to really keep in this conversation of appreciating that just more is on offer, you know, more like dinners with our kids. That's on offer if we're willing to move toward and or be with discomfort. Pursuing heartfelt projects, you know, that's on offer if we're willing to be with and be present to insecurity or fear or danger. ⁓
you know, if we're willing to be present to it, that's on offer. We allow ourselves to move in the world when we're willing to let, let more of the range of the whole human kaleidoscope of feelings come forward, knowing that they're not indicators that we're off track. In fact, typically just the opposite. And this is where Barb and I have a shared appreciation that it's not, the goal is not to be in a good feeling all the time.
It's really not, it's like, and to use that as an indicator of on track, off track, on track, off track. I'm really appreciating that the more I can walk in the world and have a feeling come up of like, whoa, I feel like crying and like walk through my kitchen with hello, sadness and make the eggs and maybe just like bringing presents to myself, feeling a feeling.
and seeing my husband and be like, hey, how's it going? like, oh my God, a little trippy, trippy eyes going on. And I'm just doing my life, being present to myself.
That's magic to me. That's like embodied Living and yes, I love feeling great. I love that. That's really nice, but it's not a prerequisite for Connecting with myself connecting with others can doing work. I enjoy doing I feel called to do
⁓ and it's common, know, we, we didn't talk so much about this this weekend, but we're always in some feeling, some sensation always there's, there is sensation going on all the time that we could tune into and amplify and really feel we could bring awareness to it dissolves. Like we're all, we are gifted at this. We do this all the time. We metabolize feelings we, and the invitation that, that we're putting out there is like,
That's...
that's available to be present to a feelings that just like, ⁓ I like this analogy. Like if I have allergies or a cold or something, I, I'm not like terrified of that. It's like, ⁓ my body's going to do its thing. I'm going to have tissues. There's no danger. I'm not going to like quit my job and divorce my husband because I'm afraid of it.
And yet with some feelings that come in at times, we're like, this one is unbearable. This one. And just the invitation is like the more we can just feel what we're feeling in any given moment, even if it's like, oh, just joy and peace and bubbly, but I'm feeling it and I'm tuned into it. The practice of kind of being sensitive to what's moving through. I think it.
enhances our ability to be present to like, my gosh, I've got such overwhelm happening or such rage or such like fear. Okay, I know how to breathe into this and be with it and to appreciate it's like we tend to feel a feeling and then go into our head and just like, well, this means this and I'm mad at this and this needs to change or now I need to do this or I need more childcare. That's my go to, I need more childcare. Maybe true.
But the invitation is like, ⁓ be present with the feeling. Go tune in. Get in my body. The more I'm in my body, the safer I feel. The safer I feel within myself, the more safety I feel as I hold space for whatever's occurring with my kids or my husband or my clients. The more I do that, it's like the more I can hold with my, ⁓ in a group, you know, within my work with
more people at once. It's like it just it all starts here though. Okay, I think I've said enough. I hope that there's some helpful tidbits in here.
Yeah, it's like, know we have these kind of divided up into like practitioner as instrument and now as riverbank and the container and it's really, they are all one, you know, they are, it is like one invisible thing that we're talking about one, one idea of like, know, how you're being with yourself. Are you aware of your deeper nature? Are you aware of the ground you're standing on? Are you aware of the safety in you?
tuning into that, accessing it, being with it, it's like it really does change what you allow yourself to get up to in your life. Letting go of identity, of who you think you should be or who you wanted to be and just being present to the live energy that's moving through you. You're gonna have more permission to move in directions that you haven't allowed yourself to for a number of reasons.
So your relationship with yourself and your feelings and your desires, all of that, bringing more consciousness to it just gives you more capacity to bring that to others. That's yeah, it's like for yourself first too. For yourself first. And we're gonna keep returning to you throughout this program because it is the heart, you know, it's the heart of it all. Okay, lots of love. We'll see you soon.