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Diagnosed with Complex Trauma and a Dissociative Disorder, Emma and her system share what they learn along the way about complex trauma, dissociation (CPTSD, OSDD, DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality), etc.), and mental health. Educational, supportive, inclusive, and inspiring, System Speak documents her healing journey through the best and worst of life in recovery through insights, conversations, and collaborations.
Welcome to the System Speak podcast, a podcast about dissociative identity disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 2:We have some emails. It's been a little while. Part of it was I was getting so much nastiness that I actually took the emails option off the website for a little while, but it is back. And so we're gonna restart emails sometimes when we have them. This one's from Anne and says, hey, Emma.
Speaker 2:I've been thinking of you with your broken foot and how hard it is for people like us to ask for attention for our medical needs. You did so well getting it tended to. I hope it's not a long wait for surgery. Well, I did have some practical issues that made me concerned about getting it treated right away. So it took me three days to get to the hospital, but I did get there, so that counts.
Speaker 2:Right? She says, I've just listened to the episode Trying Softly, and it's so moving to hear a therapist so attuned to you and so appropriately curious about you. I'm guessing from your post in therapy chat, you don't see them anymore, and I'm sorry for that. You know what? I had to change therapists so many times for four years.
Speaker 2:Listen to this. This is unbelievable. I was without an ongoing therapist for as long as I had my first therapist. Isn't that wild? I literally did not connect to that until I was journaling this morning.
Speaker 2:But now I have a new therapist that is not really new anymore. I mean, new compared to, like, a decade, but it's going really well. I feel really safe even when it's hard. Like, I hate therapy. I'm not idealizing at all, but it is safe enough, and I feel cared for in a tolerable way mostly.
Speaker 2:I say mostly because it's hard to tolerate, not because I don't feel cared for. But I do feel safe. And so far with, like, all the pieces of me, that's the best I can say. We're very new. Therapy is hard, so I can't promise anything.
Speaker 2:But, allegedly, my therapist is in a good practice that she plans on staying in a while. I am in a good place in that office, so I'm okay being there a while. I don't wanna jinx it, but I think I think we have landed. She says, I've also just listened to your podcast with the husband about the release of your book. Oh goodness.
Speaker 2:Okay. So you are listening. I'm trying to place that. I remember where I was sitting for that conversation. I was in my big reading chair that finally fell apart after decades and decades, and I was in my bedroom in the house in the country.
Speaker 2:So this was at the end of the pandemic, but before we had moved back into town. And I remember how I was shaking. I was so cold from dissociating in that conversation and so scared about releasing those books, and I just it's very visceral to me still, almost like a flashback, but not necessarily bad. There continues to be intermittent safety issues with those, so they are not always available and currently not available, for safety reasons. But I hope that that is not always the case, and I am pondering that, and we'll talk about it in therapy.
Speaker 2:But there you go. So you say I'm in awe of your bravery to do that, and I want to read it. I want to bear witness to the horror you have lived through, but I don't know if I have the courage, and I'm ashamed of that. First of all, don't be ashamed of that. I don't have the courage either, which is part of the problem.
Speaker 2:Except, also, here's the thing. I don't think it's just about courage. It sounds like you're willing. That's the courage part. I think it is maybe wisdom to also know the limitations and to also understand your own capacity and your own tolerance for what is too much.
Speaker 2:So recognizing what and when is too much is actually really brilliant. And so I think that's wonderful and nothing to be ashamed of. That is something to be proud of. She says, I just want to acknowledge that you are so present in my life via the podcast, and you speak healing into my life almost daily. Thank you for your authenticity, your bravery, your resolution, and your gumption.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness. She says, I want to bear witness to what happened to you, to stand up in some way to say how evil it was. Nothing you have shared on the podcast has been too much. Horrific as it is. You've made me feel less alone in the religious aspects of my trauma.
Speaker 2:I thought I was the only one. Listening to you gave me permission to tell my therapist some of my history in that area. Before I started listening to your podcast, I just thought a diagnosis of DID meant you were crazy, and there was no hope of a less painful life. You have changed that and given me hope. Your voice keeps me company on the really dark days when I am all alone in the horror, and that is precious to me.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, Anne. I'm so grateful that you sent these messages and shared, and I am so grateful seriously that you feel less alone. Like, that is the very reason we have done all of this, and that makes it worth it. My friend Bill, who was on the podcast to share with us about healing through stories. Do you remember that?
Speaker 2:Bill says, hello, Emma and Jules. I started listening to your intake podcast on the drive to work today. When you answered describe your race with forty minutes for a five k, I laughed so hard I drove over a traffic cone. Thank you for sharing, Bill. That made me laugh really hard.
Speaker 2:I hope you're okay. Michelle Wright, thank you so much for your podcast. I have learned so much. Your information and communication of complex material is amazing. You have taken the weight of the world off my shoulders by giving me the belief that I am a part of a community who are fighters, not just survivors.
Speaker 2:Thank you for all of your hard work. Last night, I listened to the ISSTD twenty twenty three conference. Fantastic, and I loved the bird on the window story. I laughed so hard. I am grateful for the groups as, otherwise, I experience isolation due to the stigma of DID and abuse.
Speaker 2:Many thanks for all you do, Michelle. Jeremy writes, this is Jeremy. I've caught up. So many things stand out. In stands up was really something I found myself cheering and crying at the same time.
Speaker 2:Nice and incredible important stuff. All the conversations with Laura Brown have been amazing to hear. The whole navigation of the issues around sessions and seasons. I heard both times, and I'm sorry that it caused so much challenge. I heard it as courageous.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable, especially over the last year. I've also been very glad to hear that John Mark is back. I also love salsa, and that's important to share. On another note, I read the treatment of complex trauma by Corteaux and Ford. The sections on transference are priceless and so worth it.
Speaker 2:Thank you for mentioning it. I will continue to learn so much from listening, and I'm happy to support the podcast. Jeremy. Thank you, Jeremy. Micah says, I love your podcast.
Speaker 2:I just started listening to it as my daughter has been diagnosed with DID. I was just wondering what keeps happening to the podcast episodes. When I started listening, there were almost 500 episodes. Then there were 283, and today, there's only 213. I even looked in different places to listen to it, and it's still 213.
Speaker 2:I'm just wondering and making sure I'm not doing something wrong. What is happening to the episodes? You all are amazing. Thanks. Okay.
Speaker 2:So I can explain this. A couple of things. One, that since the pandemic, we have had less financial support for the podcast. That is to be expected. So many of us were impacted financially by the pandemic, and it just is.
Speaker 2:And then the other thing is, as we grow more and more episodes, it costs more and more money to host the sound files. And on top of that, as the podcast has grown, it has knocked the podcast up levels as we increase in listeners. So there's a different charge to host the podcast itself because we have so many listeners now, so it costs more to keep it up at all. And so to try to mitigate that, what we have done is to try and very judiciously and carefully remove any episodes that could at all come down for any reason that had to do with respect or change over time or would make room for the most important episodes to stay up that are relevant or that people request. So for example, we know the clinical interviews are really important, so we're trying to leave those up.
Speaker 2:But other things like, the five piece episodes, we took those down because that was a long time ago, and not much came of those movies, to be frank, and it was kind of a strange experience anyway. So we took those down. We've also taken down some of the ones with the kids, the outside kids, because they're all teenagers now, and so it's just a good time for a conversation. What do you still wanna have up? What do you still want as part of the conversation?
Speaker 2:What privacy do you want? Like, always renegotiating that for the kids. So for now, they're relistening to them to decide what they still want up or not, so that's in process. So that bought some space. And then also we took down all the old previous email episodes just because I don't know if people still want those up long term or not, and so trying to be respectful there.
Speaker 2:And then we also took down the Zoomie episodes because a lot of the people who were in Zoomies or wanted to be in Zoomies are not necessarily active in the community anymore in a way that, I'm comfortable with ongoing consent. So I just felt it was better and more respectful to take those down as well. So that's kind of what has happened and as best I can describe. Again, if if we continue to get sponsors and able to bring some of that back, they're not gone. They're not deleted.
Speaker 2:They're just down, if that makes sense. And so, we'll be happy to put those back up sometime if we're ever able to. It's not like we've gotten rid of them altogether. I promise. So just sharing that, and we'll continue moving forward with the podcast as long as it is safe and feasible to do so.
Speaker 2:I think the other issue that someone talked about on the community when we were discussing this is that it's also really overwhelming for new people to find the podcast. And when they start at the beginning to sort of understand the story as well as the information and grow with us through therapy, it becomes really overwhelming for them to start out with 500 episodes and feel like they'll never get caught up. So we tried to just sort of untangle that a little bit. We tried to be very sensitive and judicious in choosing which ones to leave up or take down, but that is why it has happened. And right now, it's just financially necessary, partly because we're unfawning.
Speaker 2:We've supported it, primarily on our own since, the pandemic, and the few people that are continuing to support the peep the podcast have done so from the beginning. Like, I can't keep asking them for help. And, also, I'm not fawning in the same way, so I can't do more than what I actually have capacity to do. And right now, I have given up the deployment job to adjust my baseline to a safer place where I am not at risk or acting out my own trauma through my work, and with that is a pay cut. And I have teenagers now, and it's just finances are different.
Speaker 2:Therapy is different, and that just is an adjusting of boundaries and makes that look different than it ever has before. And I just cannot, by myself, keep it going anymore. So I'm keeping up as many as I can. Maybe that's a sign that it's been out long enough and that will continue to transition. I know that it won't be here forever.
Speaker 2:I know that depending on politics, it won't be possible forever, all of the things. And those are things I cannot control, but I also know that changes are hard for those of us who are survivors, and sudden changes are hard for us as survivors. So we've been talking about this for the last year saying we can't keep them up anymore. We can't keep them up anymore, and now that that is starting to happen. So we're just doing our best to keep up as many as we can for as long as we can.
Speaker 2:Thank you for understanding that and being patient with us, and I hope the ones that we are able to leave up are still helpful. Bill also said, that podcast episode got better and better the longer I listened. You really helped bring out the best in the book. Looking forward to the next one. Throughout the podcast, however, you often use the term religious families to mean Christian, mostly fundamentalist and evangelical families, a gentle reminder that some are from other religions, even different religions than Christianity.
Speaker 2:So that is an excellent reminder. Any of this could apply to anything that is extreme or perverted or harmful instead of being about faith or expression or identity. The reason the episode used the term religious families to mean Christian because that's what the book was that we were talking about. The book is about fundamentalist evangelical religions, so that is Christian specific and specific to that author. But, absolutely, any any faith tradition could be perverted from what it was intended or, used as an excuse for abuse, and that's not okay.
Speaker 2:I have found that most people of many religions, even non Christian religions, or of no faith at all are in tune, kind, and tender people. So I appreciate the reminder from Bill and just wanna clarify that about why the episodes termed religious families in reference to fundamental evangelical families. That's because the leaving the fold book, that's what it's about specifically. My apologies for any confusion on that. The next email says, your journey has been such a huge help to me in mine.
Speaker 2:I am so glad you are in the world, and you lighten the weight of it for me in important ways. I so wish I could do the same for you. Also, I never thanked you for the handmade mail. Oh, on Patreon, people who have supported the podcast for so long. I think for people who had been supporting the podcast for longer than a year or five years or something.
Speaker 2:I don't remember. We painted bookmarks with the kids and mailed them out to the people who wanted them. I know not everyone feels safe sharing an address, but we had wanted to do that for a long time and finally got to do that this last spring, so that was super fun. I'm so glad you got it. Thank you.
Speaker 2:They said, it made me so happy, and I'm thank you so much for your generosity and for giving me a lift that day and so many others. Sending so much love and encouragement your way. You are a bright and shining star. Thank you for being you. Oh, that was so sweet.
Speaker 2:Carl says, hi, Sasha, Emma, and everybody else in your system. I'm loving the podcast that you all are creating. Keep up the amazing work you are doing. You are all brave and beautiful. Aw.
Speaker 2:Well, thanks, Carl. Welcome to the podcast. Mary Catherine says, I found your podcast to be very interesting and educational. I appreciate the chance to hear everything. One question I have is how do I tell which podcasts are most recent?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's actually a really good question. There's a couple ways. So you can tell by date when they are released. So if that's what you mean by most recent. Also, on the website on systemsbeing.org, the podcast episodes are posted each week in order as well as they're listed there by topic, but they are in order.
Speaker 2:So every week when the new episode comes out or when I have a breakout work and I'm able to do it really quick, the, new episode posts on the web page so, like, right now, we're in phase two episodes. So if you click on that tab at the top of the website page, where it says phase two episodes, you can click on that, and the very most recent episode that has been released would be the one whatever is at the top is the most recent one that's been released. If you mean which one has been recorded most recently, then you could go by number, I guess, but that's not entirely true because the numbers get messed up for all kinds of reasons, and I don't know how to explain that without showing you. But, like so for example, right now, at the time of recording this, it is at the very August, and we have already recorded all the episodes that will air through November. Like, we're almost done with the year.
Speaker 2:And so those episodes are posted. But the clinical interviews that we usually release the first Monday of the month, and this may be the last year that we do that. I'm not sure. But, anyway, sometimes, like, that really depends on when people can get with us. So they don't always air in order that the interviews happen, so it's not necessarily most recent.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it airs when it relates to what we're learning already or when people actually get back to us or can actually do the interview. But once an interview is scheduled, we go ahead and set up that episode. So the episode then is assigned the next number, but the sound file may not be actually recorded until months after that and then uploaded after it's edited after that. So then the number gets off. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Or, like, I've recorded through November, but I'm only just now today doing emails that will go up maybe in September. So this number will be way later, but happened way earlier. If I can get it edited in time, it will go up in September or maybe October. So the numbers kind of throw things off. Some people go by the numbers.
Speaker 2:I think if that throws things off, I I don't know what to tell you. I would go maybe by release date, perhaps, would be my guess, But that's not necessarily the most recently recorded, if that's what you're asking. It's so confusing. I know there's a couple of you that this makes you bonkers, and I'm so sorry. Cordelius and the community found a super cool NPR podcast that was an interview with a chaplain, but the chaplain was identifying as a Jewish atheist.
Speaker 2:And so Cordelia sent that to Molly for us to listen to, and it was actually brilliant and beautiful. This chaplain talked about how her sacred text is literature, and that just gave me all the feels. Maybe because I'm the child of a librarian, maybe because books are my thing, or that was my safe place growing up, but, oh my goodness, I loved loved this interview. I will put it in the show notes just in case you wanna hear. It's super short.
Speaker 2:There's a part one and a part two because they spread it out over two weeks. So if you wanna hear, I will put it, in the show notes because Molly really appreciated it, so some of you may as well. There is a content note that this woman is the that this chaplain is the child of holocaust survivors, and so they do reference that for those of you that that's a bit triggering or already part of your history, and also how, the impact of that on her parents and then also herself, and how there are many ways to be present with suffering without using a religious trauma context. So it was actually really, really good for Molly. And if you're interested, I'll I'll put it in the show notes, and you can listen.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Cordelias. Kim. Our dear friend, Kim. Oh, Kim. We love you so much.
Speaker 2:Kim writes, I just wanted to say hi and that y'all are awesome, and I'm super proud of all the year you have had so far. So much has happened with the move, your family, the new job, a new therapist, and you're still standing. Well, maybe leaning since you have a broken ankle and all. But the community is still thriving and the podcast is still going. Consider this my shout out.
Speaker 2:This email is just a little reminder that you all still have love and support out here. I know it can be difficult to see it, and sometimes you have to fight to see it, but we are still here. I am still here. You are still here. I'm getting sappy, so let me shift gears.
Speaker 2:Can you believe your outside kids are so big? Oh my goodness. Teenagers, high school, driving, dating. What? Look how far they have come with you and Nathan.
Speaker 2:You're doing lots of right things, my friends. I think that deserves a helping of chips and salsa. Don't you? Oh my goodness, Kim. I got this email, and it made me cry so hard.
Speaker 2:And I love you so much in my heart, and thank you for that truly. I'm putting that in our notebook to keep. Someone posted in the community that they have started reading the memoir, and they have only read through the beginning and cried twice. So have fun with that. Wiley shared in the community that connection is healing, and that has been said so many times on the podcast, and it's so true.
Speaker 2:But how do you calm parts down that scream people are dangerous and prevent you from texting or messaging back or even making that jump to say hi. We have some really good healing connections with people that are in a different places but few where we live. So we have some good friends, but they don't feel like connections that help with healing because they're friends to specific parts. Friendship thing the friendship thing is really harder now than before. It is so hard.
Speaker 2:I just wanna say it is so hard. We also struggle with that both practically and pragmatically, and practicing what we have learned. What is interesting is this last week in therapy, our therapist actually talked about that, not about friendship specifically, but about how there's a difference between the theory of what we're learning, like being able to tolerate understanding what DID is, being able to tolerate that we have it, being able to tolerate learning about trauma and about DID, and that is different than practice. And practice is more like being able to share what our experience of DID is or what we feel about those experiences or staying present with that or the implications of that on relationships. And so we've been talking about that in therapy too, and it is hard.
Speaker 2:That may be something we come back to later and in in a whole other episode. Brynn wrote, I just listened to emails. I'm a bee. That was hilarious. That's the email, the one about the intro music.
Speaker 2:Your response was priceless. I was like, yes. You go. It felt a bit like watching sports. I could have cheered out loud, except I was walking in a peaceful forest, so I made do with a quiet smile and did my cheering inside.
Speaker 2:My favorite lines, also, I don't care, followed by, and maybe I'll do more now just to bother you like this email bothered me. You're awesome. Oh my goodness. It's so tricksy because also I don't wanna hurt people, which is fawning. I don't mean to hurt people's feelings.
Speaker 2:So the difference between being kind and also just being me is Trixie. It is Trixie. Maybe that's also why people stopped writing in because that's how I started replying to things. Oh my goodness. I don't know.
Speaker 2:That's okay. We can add emails quarterly instead of monthly. Holly says, oh my heart. Road trip, especially episode five out of five. Listening to the girlfriend tend to you at the park has me in tears.
Speaker 2:She is so calm and kind and loving, and that's just amazing to witness. Yeah. She is. It's true. It's true.
Speaker 2:I think those episodes actually ended up coming down as well, not because we don't want them up or don't want to share her. And it's really sad because they were very intimate episodes. And, also, I felt like maybe it was too much to be safe for some of the content that we talked about on the drive on the road trip. So I'm still debating that, but we'll come back to that later. Jules herself did write as well.
Speaker 2:She said, I just finished listening to Queer Colors, and I had to share how brave and beautiful I found the episode. You are beyond generous to share so many of your personal stories with us to help us heal and grow. A thousand thank yous. And the song at the end, and then tears. That is maybe one of the episodes that I am most proud of and also is currently down because of safety issues.
Speaker 2:We're really getting targeted a lot on on some things, and, politics are making it difficult to talk about some things safely. But I'm really proud of that, and I'm not sorry. And I think it's part of my healing and development. And when I can hold space for that, it being literally a necessary piece of my healing, then I don't fawn. Then I want to hold space for it and keep it up no matter what the cost because to deny that is to deny part of me.
Speaker 2:And, also, I have young children still, and I have to be careful about my choices while I still need to be present to care for them. And so I don't have as much privilege yet to be as independent as I would like to be in some ways while my number one commitment is still raising them. So those episodes are down right now as well. They're some of the ones that got taken down. Oh, it hurts my heart.
Speaker 2:It hurts my heart. FG shares. Around the eleventh minute, the episode recap of the recap. Part one. Quote, why am I so DID, but I'm not?
Speaker 2:Why is my experience of dissociation so exactly like this, but it's not? My dissociation doesn't count because I don't have amnesia, except you do. You're as DID as someone with DID. The amnesia is just not in knowledge. The amnesia is between you and the neglect.
Speaker 2:The amnesia is between you and parts even if you are aware of self states. It's just as valid and matters just as much, end quote. They said gobsmacked. I did not know I needed these words. I'm just going to have to think about this for a while.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm so glad that helped. That's some brutal truth right there. Holly e writes, blendingness. This is really, really timely. Again, I have experienced multiple times overhearing someone inside, teaching someone else inside what I'm doing, like narration of the steps and subsequent discussion.
Speaker 2:And I think blending is happening behind the scenes, and yesterday, I felt it. I'm making physical space to connect and journal and all that good stuff away from my husband and outside kids, and I think it's working. Holly, that's amazing. Thank you for sharing that with us. Wondershare.
Speaker 2:Listening to the ISSTD annual recap part one and was initially having a rough day, but this is exactly what we needed. We won't spoil the specifics for those who haven't heard it, but here we are not even fifteen minutes in and have already rerouted multiple times, literally sitting here trying to figure out how in the what? This was the best. So so hilarious. Thank you for that one.
Speaker 2:We needed to laugh that hard. Yeah. That was what happened with the bird. Ingrid says, recap of the recap part two. I'm not quite finished with the episode, but what's come up as a question is, what's going on when a part or self state intentionally tries to attack cry in other states by letting them get close and then taking a support person away by either cutting them out or behaving badly to get them to leave or both.
Speaker 2:I replied to that that it sounds like a reenactment, like doing to ourselves and each other inside what others did to us in the past, and that's just painful. Like, even just saying that makes me queasy. Cordelia shared, I'm enjoying the new music from this spring. Are the old music episodes down? I wanted to save them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. We just left those up for the holiday season. I didn't think about just leaving them up all the time. Like, I really just thought it was a silly holiday thing. I didn't think about them actually getting listened to.
Speaker 2:Sorry, Cordelius. We'll figure that out. Thanks for letting us know. Brynn says, listening to road trip part one, and it is making me tear up too much to drive. I will listen back at the beginning next as per Shay's comment in groupies.
Speaker 2:Hey. You know what? I miss Shay. I don't know if Shay still listens or not, but Shay, in case you hear this, I miss you a lot. And so while we're talking about you anyway, I just want to give you a shout out, and I hope that you are safe and that you know you are loved and that we miss you.
Speaker 2:Charlotte said, in the episode of Michael Coy, my ice is as cold as your ice. This is in reference to a tendency to compare traumas and histories and lived experiences, Not necessarily in a bad or sinister way, just as something we as people tend inherently to do. Trauma is trauma, and we need to be able to hold space for that as we support each other in healing. This is such an impactful episode for us on so many levels and so many topics. Thank you both.
Speaker 2:Oh, I so appreciate this. Wiley shares, just listened today's podcast, and I'm loving the husband's description of the family's abstract expressionism. That was funny. That was funny. Abstract for sure.
Speaker 2:Andy's group says, we just finished listening to the three recap episodes. So much good stuff in there. The part about our caregivers as mirrors really resonated, particularly about the mirror being what's broken or distorted. It had me thinking of where the broken parts of the mirror not only present us with a fragmented view, but might miss reflecting some parts entirely. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yes. Exactly. I was adopted as an infant, and it wasn't until the age of 54 that I connected with my biological family. The difference between those two mirrors is amazing. Having parts of us reflected back as normal and acceptable for the first time has been very healing.
Speaker 2:That sort of leads to the part about you can't tell a baby to feel safe. I've struggled for years with the difference between what I know and what I feel, and now I have a concept of why. It also explains why things have shifted so much as we've developed internal communication and compassion among our group. I never thought about internal attachment styles before yesterday, but shifting those to learn secure is exactly what we've been doing. Thanks also for adding the l to earn secure.
Speaker 2:Earn secure has always felt icky to us too, but learned secure feels better. Right? Exactly. Thank you so much. Serenity shared episode three fifty one, attached cry.
Speaker 2:All I have to say is I was listening to this the day my therapist sent me this text. What are the chances? Oh my goodness. And the text is a meme about trauma responses. It shows fight and flight and freeze.
Speaker 2:But in between them, it shows the overlap of attach cry, please, and appease, and collapse, and submit. So that is really a powerful image. Thank you for sharing it with us, Serenities. That's in the fans group on the community site. Lisa says hey, Lisa.
Speaker 2:Lisa says, landing space. I can't even. Yay. Oh, yeah. That's about my new therapist.
Speaker 2:I'm so relieved, and I'm so grateful seriously. Brynn shared, just finished listening to the l series. What a moving set of episodes. Heartbreaking, but so tender. I'm really glad you had Elle in your life back then and still do.
Speaker 2:It's very grounding to have people who were there when things were happening who can cooperate or enhance your memories, and she seems so sweet. I loved her questions, especially the one about sleep. There were so many beautiful moments between you two. Thank you for sharing these. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:I just talked to Elle the other day. I'm so grateful for her too, truly. I also talked to the English teacher. Did I mention that to you guys? I did not do a episode or record anything with her, but we talked about shiny happy and, oh my goodness, I can't even.
Speaker 2:But I can't remember if I told you all about that. Oh, there we go. Anne says, shiny happy me. Oh my heart. We watch shiny happy people and miss so much.
Speaker 2:I'm guessing it slipped through our mind. Yay. Dissociation. We so appreciated Emma's and the husband talking about what they watched. It makes me sick and angry.
Speaker 2:So many dear children harmed. What were they thinking? Emmas, you all are so brave. Wow. Christa's added, thank you, Emma.
Speaker 2:This episode helped me understand that some of the disconnect between me and my kids is because I've raised them differently than I was raised. As in, why are they like this? I never would have done that. I think it's because they have more permission to make mistakes and go through the messiness of figuring themselves out. Yes.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Like he said, the children are not docile. Like, we have not broken the spirits of our children. So is it harder to parent in some ways? But you know what?
Speaker 2:They get to be people, and they're alive, and their spirits are not broken, which I think is really good parenting. So maybe other things are a mess, and maybe it would not pass the test of children being seen and not heard. But you know what? I think my children feel seen, and I think my children feel heard. And I think that matters.
Speaker 2:That is everything. That is healing. Thanks so much for those of you who wrote in. It was good to hear from you. I'm glad that the contact us is back.
Speaker 2:There's a link in the show notes, or you can go to systemsfeet.org, and there's a contact us page, and you're welcome to use that to submit an email or a question to the podcast. And we are just grateful you are out there. We really needed the encouragement. Truly, it has been a year or five or ten or maybe forty six. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. Your support really helps us feel less alone while we sort through all of this and learn together. Maybe it will help you in some ways too. You can connect with us on Patreon by going to our website at www.systemspeak.org. If there's anything we've learned, it's that connection brings healing.
Speaker 1:We look forward to connecting with you.