What Was I Asking Alcohol to Do for Me?

In Episode 3 of Recovery Rocks! with Kelly, host Kelly dives deep into a transformative question: "What was I asking alcohol to do for me?" Kelly explores how drinking often wasn't about wanting alcohol itself, but seeking escape, permission to rest, and relief from the overwhelming pressures of people-pleasing and motherhood. She discusses the vital difference between temporary quiet and true peace, reframing hard days in recovery, and learning to ask the question that matters most: "What do I need right now?" This episode offers an honest, empowering message for women and mothers working to build a life they no longer feel the need to escape from.

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Join my private group on Recovered Life here. 

Creators and Guests

Host

Kelly Schuster

What is Recovery Rocks?

Recovery Rocks with Kelly is a podcast about motherhood, family, and navigating everyday life in sobriety. Kelly shares the real ups and downs of being a mom in recovery—from raising kids and managing relationships to taking care of yourself while taking care of everyone else. With honest stories, real-life experiences, and occasional guests, it’s about motherhood, recovery, healing, and building a recovery that rocks.

I have to admit, I'm having hard days,

and that's allowed.

Recovery doesn't mean I have to be happy

every day.

It means I don't have to destroy myself

because I'm not happy every day.

Let me say that again, I don't have

to destroy myself because I'm having a hard

day.

Hard days pass, feelings change, problems get worked

through, and tomorrow gets another chance.

Hey!

This is the Recovery Rocks!

podcast with Kelly!

The show that proves you can get sober,

find yourself, and create a life that's bigger,

louder, and better than you ever imagined!

And now, here's Kelly!

Hey friends, welcome back to Recovery Rocks!

with Kelly, episode three.

I am Kelly, and I'm glad you are

here listening.

Today, we're going to talk about what was

I asking alcohol to do for me?

And when I started looking at my own

life that way, I realized something for me.

Drinking wasn't always about wanting alcohol sometimes.

I wanted what I thought alcohol could give

me.

But really, I should have been asking myself

the question, what do I need now?

Sometimes, I just want to escape.

There are times I wanted alcohol to give

me a break.

A break from thinking and worrying, trying to

keep everybody happy.

A break from being that person who felt

like she had to hold everything together.

I was a people pleaser.

And you know, moms, people pleasing is exhausting.

You're constantly thinking, is everybody okay?

Is somebody upset with me?

Did I say the wrong thing?

What are they thinking about me?

I wasn't asking the most important question.

Kelly, are you okay?

I was so busy checking on everybody else's

feelings that sometimes I didn't even know what

I was feeling.

And alcohol gave me a temporary way to

shut that off.

Have a drink, relax.

Don't think so much.

Don't worry so much.

Just let it go.

At least that's what I thought I was

doing.

But alcohol was teaching me how to deal

with life.

It wasn't helping me.

It was helping me avoid parts of life.

And that's a big difference.

And mothers, you know, it tries to quiet

our minds.

Have you ever been physically exhausted but your

brain just doesn't shut off?

You're lying there thinking about something 3 days

ago.

You're thinking about tomorrow.

You're thinking about the kids, money, work.

Whether somebody's mad at you.

Think about something that hasn't even happened yet.

And you just want your brain to be

quiet.

That's what alcohol could feel like for me

for a while.

The volume would go down.

But here is what I learned.

Quiet isn't the same thing as peace.

Alcohol could make things quieter temporarily but it

could not give me real peace.

Because eventually everything I was trying not to

think about was still waiting for me.

And sometimes there was even more to deal

with because of drinking.

That's the part nobody puts on the cute

wine glass.

Oh, I wanted permission to stop.

This one's really important to women, especially you

moms out there.

We are so good at taking care of

everybody else.

We make sure everybody eats, gets where they're

supposed to go.

Everybody has what they need.

We remember appointments and birthdays, school things, family

things.

And then somebody asks, what do you need?

And sometimes we don't even know how to

answer.

I think there were times when drinking gave

me permission to finally stop, to sit down,

stop worrying, to stop being responsible for everything

for a while.

And looking back, I can ask myself, Kelly,

did you actually need alcohol?

Or did you just need rest?

Did you need to say, no, I can't

do that today?

Did you need to stop believing that taking

care of yourself was selfish?

Those are questions recovery has made me ask.

And they're not always comfortable questions.

But they're honest.

I wanted to feel different.

Let's really tell the truth.

Sometimes we drink because we don't like how

we feel.

We're lonely, angry, stressed, insecure, hurt, bored, disappointed,

overwhelmed.

I understand that.

I did it.

But recovery has taught me something different.

Feelings don't have to be emergencies.

I know I can be sad without fixing

it immediately.

I can be angry without drinking.

And us moms, we can have hard days.

And we can be comfortable and survive in

it.

That's huge for me.

Because when you're so used to escaping your

feelings, actually sitting with them can feel strange.

But every time I feel something without running

from it, I'm learning and growing.

You know, you start to build trust in

yourself.

I'm proving myself, you know, that I can

handle this.

Us women, you know, we need to feel

like we're enough.

This one goes deeper.

Because I spend a lot of time caring

about what other people thought about me.

I wanted approval, you know.

I wanted to be liked and happy, make

people happy.

Constantly looking outside my self-revalidation.

You know, you slowly can touch your own

worth.

I had to start learning that I don't

need everybody to approve of me.

That's still a journey, but recovery's helped me

to realize something.

I don't have to earn my worth, and

you don't have to either.

I don't have to say yes when I

mean no, and you don't have to either.

I don't have to make myself smaller so

somebody else feels comfortable.

And I don't need alcohol to make me

feel more comfortable or more comfortable being myself,

and you don't either.

I'm learning how to be Kelly, and you're

learning how to be yourself.

Imperfect, growing, learning.

Sometimes we get things wrong.

Sometimes we get things right, but showing up

honestly.

And you know what?

I actually like that woman, and you actually

like yourself too.

So ask yourself, what do you really need?

Instead of asking, what was I asking alcohol

to do for me?

That's powerful.

Maybe you're stressed.

What do I need?

Maybe I need to take a walk.

Call somebody.

Go to a meeting.

Prayer.

Go to bed earlier than normal.

I have to admit, I'm having hard days,

and that's allowed.

Recovery doesn't mean I have to be happy

every day.

It means I don't have to destroy myself

because I'm not happy every day.

Let me say that again.

I don't have to destroy myself because I'm

having a hard day.

Hard days pass.

Feelings change.

Problems get worked through, and tomorrow gets another

chance.

To the moms listening right now, I especially

want to talk to you for a few

minutes.

Maybe you're listening while you're driving.

Maybe you're cleaning the house.

Maybe you're picking up kids in the pickup

line.

But check in with yourself.

Ask what you need.

Take time.

Take time for yourself.

Take a mental space, and rest matters.

You don't have to disappear inside motherhood, and

you don't have to use alcohol to give

yourself permission to stop taking care of everybody

for a moment.

And you are allowed to rest because you're

tired, and you are allowed to take care

of yourself because you matter too.

I used to think recovery was mainly about

what I had to give up, alcohol, drinking,

certain situations.

But today I see recovery differently.

I've gained the ability to actually experience my

life instead of constantly trying to escape from

it.

And I've gained something else, curiosity about myself,

and you can too.

Instead of judging myself, I've learned to ask

questions like, why am I feeling this way?

What triggered that?

Why did that bother me so much?

Why am I saying yes when I want

to say no?

And what do I need right now?

Those questions have taught me more about myself

than alcohol ever did.

So what do you actually need right now?

Just think about it for a moment.

Maybe you need connection.

Maybe you need that rest, support, boundaries, forgiveness,

and meeting.

Or maybe you simply need somebody to remind

you you are doing better than you think.

So friends, before we go, I don't want

to tell you any of this because I

figured everything out because I haven't.

I'm walking this road too.

That's why I want to do the podcast.

Not to be standing alone on one side.

Look what I did.

But me walking beside you saying, come on.

Let's keep going.

Some days we feel strong.

Some days we struggle.

We laugh.

We cry.

But we keep moving forward.

And we keep telling the truth.

Because the more honest I've become about why

I drink, the more I've learned about the

woman underneath the drinking.

And I'm discovering that woman.

I'm learning to love her.

I'm learning to listen to her.

And I'm learning that she doesn't need alcohol

to make her life bearable.

She needs a life she doesn't constantly want

to escape from.

And friend, that's what I am building one

day at a time.

And you also can do this too.

Thank you for sitting with me today.

Thank you for listening.

And if today's question hit you, something inside,

please don't run from it.

Get curious about it.

Ask yourself, what was I asking alcohol to

do for me?

And then ask the question that matters even

more.

What do I need now?

I'm Kelly.

This is Recovery Rocks with Kelly.

We're not here to be perfect.

We're not.

We're here to be honest.

We're here to heal.

We're here to grow.

And we're here to remind each other that

there is a whole lot of beautiful things

waiting on the other side, simply telling ourselves

the truth.

Keep going, friend.

Keep going.

Keep choosing yourself.

Keep choosing recovery.

And remember, Recovery Rocks.

And I'll talk to you next time.