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Our mentees have relational needs that God has designed them with. In order to meet them, we must understand what they are, and what God expects of us as mentors in meeting them. This episode is an introduction to a series unpacking the three relational needs we call the Three As: attention, affirmation, and acceptance). It is not good for man to be alone and we all have needs that we will do whatever we have to do to get met.
Show Notes
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WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
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SHOW NOTES
Recommended Resources
- Rare leadership by Warner
- People Fuel by Townsend
- Relational Needs Quiz
This episode is meant to set up the next three episodes where we are going to talk in depth about these three relational needs. Before you listen, I want you to take stock and self-reflect.
If it is not good for man to be alone...
If it is not good for man to be alone...
- What are your own relational needs?
- Where does God fit in to your relational needs?
- Who is meeting your needs and do you feel safe enough to honestly process life with them?
- Whose relational needs are you meeting?
After some self-reflection, consider your mentee...
- Where are they getting their needs met? Is it healthy or unhealthy?
- What do you think their greatest relational need is?
- Who are the people in their life meeting that need?
- What’s one way you can plan to address that need this week?
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven, and I'm sitting here with my great friend, Zachary Garza. Woo. Glad you're here with us. This podcast is all about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 2:We wanna do something we've never done before. We are going to do a series. So these next few episodes all go together, and we'd love for you to reference these consistently as a mentor, just to bring yourself back to the main things. This series, we are titling relationships change lives. So, Zach, you came up with this relationships change lives motto.
Speaker 2:It's on t shirts. You need to probably trademark this thing, but can you tell us a little more about, yeah, how you came up with this?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, honestly, it it became our tagline just because as a staff, we continue to say it over and over and over. And I think one of our mentors is like, man, you guys say that so often you should just, you know, toss it on a t shirt. That's okay. That's actually a really good idea.
Speaker 3:But as I've as I've taken this phrase and as I've brought it to the lord, he's begin to really unpack what it means and the power of relationships. Let's take it all the way back to the beginning. The Lord in Genesis 1 created everything that we needed. He created the sun and the moon, he created the stars, the ocean, the land, he created Adam and Eve, man. He gave us the morning so that we could work and the evening so we could rest.
Speaker 3:He gave us land to cultivate, cease to explore. He gave us vegetation and fruit, crops and trees that would feed us for days days on end. He gave us the animals of all shapes and sizes. He gave us different seasons, the sun, the moon, the stars. And lastly, he gave man dominion over all of that.
Speaker 3:And whenever all of that was done he sat back and he said, it is good. And he looked at Adam, the man that he created, and he said it is very good. But as we continue to read in Genesis 2, the Lord makes a u-turn. He takes a look at Adam. He takes a look at man who has everything that he could ever want.
Speaker 3:Right? There isn't anything that is that he is missing from the Garden of Eden. He has shelter. He has a place to call his own. But the Lord looks at him and he says it is not good for man to be alone.
Speaker 3:And the one thing that I had never really understood before is that the Lord said this before sin entered the world. So from the very beginning, the Lord created us for relationship. And in the garden was everything that we needed, particularly relationship with man and God and man and other people. That truly struck a chord with me. It's like, man, us needing each other is not sinful.
Speaker 3:We were actually created for relationship. And then you see how did the Lord give that to us. Well, every person on this earth, they were created by relationship. By a man and a woman coming together and the fruit of that is a baby that you have a relationship with. And And if any of you guys out there have kids, you guys know that there's just this special bond, this connection that, a father has with a son, that a mom has with a daughter.
Speaker 3:As I continue to to grow older, as I myself got married and had kids, I began to see just one how how important my wife is to me and just how much my heart is for her, how much I love her. And then because of that, we came together and we had children. And my relationship, my bond with my children is something that I I can't really even explain. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced. And I would do anything for my children.
Speaker 3:I would do anything for my wife. And at the end of the day, the most important things in life aren't things at all. They're people. They're relationships. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And the Lord wants to give us relationships, wants to give every person relationship through family. But the enemy knows this. Right? And he wants to destroy it. The enemy hates relationships.
Speaker 3:And whenever I take a look at our kids, whenever I think about my own life, the main area that the enemy wants to destroy relationships is where it was first started, which was family. So the enemy knows that if he can come in and destroy a family and have a child grow up in a family that is broken, that is not how it's supposed to be, then he's gonna have a really easy time having his way Wow. With that person. And whenever a family is broken, it just gives Satan just so much room to tell lies and to change identity, and it gives him a past to really come influence you sometimes at a really young age and change how you see life and change how you see God and change how you see yourself that is going to turn you into the adult that you will one day be, and it creates a faulty mindset. Just lies that aren't true.
Speaker 3:And so God God wants you in family, right? The enemy hates family. And so in the Garden of Eden relationship was broken whenever man sinned. And I believe that in order to find life and life to the fullest, it's relationships that is the answer Yeah. To that brokenness.
Speaker 3:Relationship one with God, but it's also through other people as well.
Speaker 2:Wow. I love that. Even even just how you summarize that at the end that you have relational brokenness, relationships are what bring healing.
Speaker 3:Right. Well and the main thing that the enemy wants to do is the enemy wants to isolate. Because he knows that if he can isolate, then he can lie, and he can attack, and it's so much easier to attack someone when they're isolated. So for so many people that we mentor, for so many of our kids, they are isolated. Most of the time, it is because of something that they had no say in.
Speaker 3:They're isolated because their parents are divorced. They're isolated because they are, a part of the foster care system. They're they have, been adopted. There's there's been something that has kept them from being with their biological family. Perhaps it's because their parents are trying so hard to make ends meet that they have to work so much that they can't give their child the time, to fulfill their needs.
Speaker 3:There are so many things that the enemy can use to keep us from relationship. And ultimately, those have a really devastating effect on kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I love that revelation that you shared of needs are not sinful
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because we are made originally with them. That was God's original intent, and that that's the devil's opportunity is coming at us to meet our needs in ways that God has not designed.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And so that is an incredible revelation of just recognizing that my needs are not sinful.
Speaker 3:And we weren't made to be alone. Yeah. It is not good for man to be alone. That's not how life was meant to be. Right?
Speaker 3:We are meant to go through this thing called life with other people. We're meant to be surrounded by a family that loves us and cares for us no matter what. We were meant to be in relationship with people who won't abandon us, won't hurt us, and won't give up on us. It is not good for men to be alone. And yet so often, I look out and I see so many people, specifically the kids that we mentor, who are alone.
Speaker 3:I know that I would have a hard time being alone. I have a hard time when I'm isolated, and I can't even imagine how hard it is on a kid who's 10. Yeah. Right? Who has experienced trauma or has experienced difficult situations.
Speaker 3:I mean, that just makes it that much harder. And so that's that's why the foundation of everything that we do is discipling through a mentoring relationship that is going to point them to a relationship with God because relationships change lives. 1st, with the Lord Jesus Christ, but so often, the Lord teaches us how to do that through relationships with others. Yeah.
Speaker 2:What would you say that, kids from hard places who have relational needs that that the possibility of that coming from their parents having relational needs that went unmet?
Speaker 3:Oh, for sure. Or Yeah. So I say all of this and why I'm so passionate about it is because it's me. Like like, I was the kid who was isolated. I was the kid who because my parents, weren't able to be there for me, I what I felt alone, and the enemy lied to me, and he just had his way with me.
Speaker 3:Everything that I'm saying, I am speaking with such conviction because this is a huge part of my story. And whenever I see the kids that we mentor, I can look at them and be like, man, that kid looks and acts a lot like I did. So let's take for example, my own father. I truly believe did the best job that he could with what he was given. Unfortunately, like, some things, happened, and he and my mom split up.
Speaker 3:It's hard for me to really to really be mad at my dad because whenever I hear his story and I find out about his father and his father's father, there wasn't anyone in his life who met his needs. I mean Wow. You know, while my dad might have been 40 or 50 or 60, in some ways, he was still a child trying to get these needs met. And, guys, whenever you try to get these needs, which the lord has given all of us, we all need something. My dad was trying to find that through the things that this world has to offer.
Speaker 3:And so, like, yeah, he he, you know, he my dad left our family because he was trying to get those needs met. I get that. I understand that because no one taught him, hey. This is how to get your needs met in a healthy way. The only thing that he knew was how to get them met in an unhealthy way.
Speaker 3:So yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I'd I'd love to to sit there for a little bit and and talk through the healthy and unhealthy ways Mhmm. That we get our needs met because I think that is that's huge. Yeah. Because if the devil's plan is to meet our needs outside of God's plan, that's inevitably gonna lead us in a direction of
Speaker 3:Death.
Speaker 2:Yes. Yeah. Yeah. For our our boys who have who need relationship in order to meet their needs, what are the temptations or the things that they're being let a stray by
Speaker 3:sure well first, Steven I wanna talk about the main need that we all have is love right like we all need to be loved and if you really start paying attention to the reasons why kids are doing certain things, it's ultimately because they just wanna be loved. The kid who's acting out in class wants attention. And if he gets attention, then he's going to feel loved. The guy who's out there having girlfriend after girlfriend after girlfriend, he wants acceptance. Because when he feels accepted, he feels loved.
Speaker 3:Right? And so in a healthy way, we find love through our family. Right? We find love through caring, trusting adults who know us and who are going to be there for us no matter what, and we feel secure in that. Right?
Speaker 3:You feel secure in a family setting, when people truly know you and love you, not for what you do, but for who you are. But sometimes our kids get their needs met in an unhealthy way. Because kids and it really isn't even kids. It's just people. It hits people.
Speaker 3:Like, we're gonna do whatever we have to do Yeah. To get these needs met. It doesn't matter if you're 6, 16, or 60. If these needs are going unmet, you're gonna find a way to get them met. But for the the kids that we mentor specifically, sometimes it looks good.
Speaker 3:Right? It is perfection. It is the kid who, has a $500 reaction to a 5¢ problem. Like, there was this one kid who he said, I wanna average 40 points a game in my basketball season. In one game, he had 36 points, and he flipped out.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, dude, what is going on? Like, you had a great game. But what I found out later was that his dad said, hey, if you average 40 points a game, then we're gonna go off and we're gonna have this special trip together.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So the kid really didn't care about 40 points a game. The kid cared about spending time with his father.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But he thought that he had to be perfect in order to do that. So whenever he fell short of perfection, he flipped out. And, like, you find it with the kid who, like, wants to be good in all the eyes of his teachers or, like, the, teacher's pet. You know? But on the other side of that, you also find it for kids who they will go to a party, and they'll do whatever they have to do to get noticed.
Speaker 3:If that's getting into a fight, they'll get into a fight. If that's, smoke this, drink this, then they'll do that. Whatever they have to do. For some kids, it is they care so much about how they look. Their shoes have to be perfect.
Speaker 3:Their shirt has to be perfectly ironed. They've got to have the newest this or the newest that. Right? That's why sometimes you'll see people who are impoverished, who have rims on their cars that are worth, you know, $10,000. Well, they're all trying to get their needs met in an unhealthy way.
Speaker 3:I mean, just there there are so many ways, especially now with, like, social media and all of that stuff. Ultimately, kids want love and so often, they find it in just, hey, how are people going to see me? How are people going to notice me?
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:So yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think I think that leans into just the identity piece
Speaker 3:of
Speaker 2:When you attach your needs to your performance Mhmm. You your identity gets jacked up because you connect
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:All of all of people's perception of you to yourself, and then you just start spiraling. When your identity is unhealthy, you're attaching people's opinions and your performance to your needs. Yep. And when those aren't met healthily, you lose who you are. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And you try and find yourself in all of those things.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Like, that performance based loved, I want to be loved so badly. And in order to be loved, I have to do these things. When those things don't happen, man, it can get real bad real quick.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, and it's even like the Karen Purvis stuff that talks about when a child cries as as as a newborn baby, if it doesn't learn that when it cries, someone cares, it shuts down and starts to believe that it's not loved. Mhmm. And I think it's the same thing with with all of these things is that when we go with unmet needs, we believe something about ourselves that's not true. And so I I'd love for us to set up the next few episodes we're gonna talk through Sure.
Speaker 2:About really the main relational needs that we've identified of our kids. Well, I I love how you said people because we all have these. Yeah. So can you talk through walk us through a few of the the top relational needs that we have?
Speaker 3:Yeah. There are there are so many needs, that we all have. Right? And every person's different. And guys, let me talk specifically to you.
Speaker 3:I don't care how big you are. I don't care how much money you have. I don't care how much you can bench press. You still have needs. Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like I am a large man. Like, I and I still need a ton of attention. Yeah. It's just how I'm wired. And a a lot of it has to do with my story.
Speaker 3:I still need my wife to encourage me. Whenever my wife encourages me, it just, like, lights a fire under me. Like, it is so cool. My wife needs support. Like, whenever I do the dishes or whenever I vacuum for her, whenever she feels like I'm coming alongside her, she's like, oh, Zach, I feel so loved.
Speaker 3:I'm like, oh, that's great. So, like, I mean, some of the, needs are I've said support, like, to be comforted. Like, whenever you're having a hard day, for some people, when they have someone who loves them, who comes beside them and says, hey, I see that you're having a hard day. I'm sorry about that. Let me give you a hug.
Speaker 3:Like, that means everything to them. In our show notes, you guys can see well, we actually have a relational needs quiz that you can take to kinda figure out. Yes. But specifically through the lens of a kid from a hard place. Right?
Speaker 3:Like, one, it is so difficult for them to talk about their needs because at some point, they've talked about them before or they've done something to, like, shoot off the signals. Hey. I need this. And no one answered.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Like, they made the call and no one came. And so they're scared. Like, they're scared to be open. They're scared to let you in because of their because of their past. There's always a reason why.
Speaker 3:And for some kids, like, they have gone so long without getting the relational needs met that they don't even know that they have them, and they don't even know how to receive. There was this one kid who me and my wife spent time with, and he needed attention and affection so much. But when we tried to give it to him, it was so foreign to him, he didn't know how to receive it. The main thing that he needed, we tried to give him, but he couldn't receive it. So it was the cycle of I have needs, and and I want more than anything to get them met, but when someone tries to get to meet them, I'm going to reject them.
Speaker 3:You see kids become detached. Like, you see kids basically saying, this is what I want and this is what I need, but it's not gonna happen, so I'm not even going to try anymore. Keep in mind, guys, that we're talking about kids who, from for most of us, are under the age of 18, and they can't articulate this. Like, a kid in 3rd grade won't come up and be like, hey, coach Garza. I just wanted to tell you that my needs tank is pretty low, and I need affection, comfort, and security from you.
Speaker 3:Right? Like, a kid won't ever say that. Yeah. But what he might say is, hey, coach Garza, watch me throw this football. Or, hey, how was your day today, buddy?
Speaker 3:Oh, it was a hard day. And he's opening the door for you to say, oh, man. I'm so sorry. Let's talk about it. Right?
Speaker 3:Like, they will give you these little clues, but we've gotta be tuned in, and we've gotta let the Holy Spirit lead us. And we've gotta hear whenever he prompts us to say, hey, why don't you spend a little bit more time with this kid? Or why don't you ask that second follow-up question?
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's really good.
Speaker 3:But, man, I kinda went off there. But
Speaker 2:No. I think it's good because we're we're not trying to just view needs as this Yeah. One to 1. Okay. You have this need.
Speaker 2:Here's how to fill it without recognizing that there are potential walls that have built up over years Yeah. Of this kid has been conditioned
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:To not receive love in this area Right. Because he has never expected it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And I spoke earlier about a $500 response to a 5¢ problem. Well, what happens when a kid gives a 5¢ response to a $500 problem? Wow. I've had I've watched kids go through things that brings me to tears, and the kid doesn't even react because he's so used to it.
Speaker 2:Because it's just normal.
Speaker 3:Right. Here's a really simple example. I've had a lot of junk happen in my life. To me, it's pretty normal. But whenever I tell people my story, a lot of times they're like, woah.
Speaker 3:Like, that is crazy. And you've been through so much trauma that I'm having a hard time even comprehending it. But to me, I'm like, what? I did? Because for me, that's just life.
Speaker 3:I didn't cry from 13 to 21, and I can count on the number I I can count on one hand the number of times that I cried from 21 to 28. I probably cried less than 5 times for in 15 years, and I've had a lot of hard stuff happen. Wow. And, like, that just goes to show, like, something's not right. Like, I mean, the main the the main issue that I still deal with is my parents did the best job that they could, but I really didn't feel loved as a child.
Speaker 3:That's a pretty big statement. But you think that someone would be upset about that. You think that someone would shed some tears over that, but I didn't because I didn't know better and because I was just so used to it and so hurt.
Speaker 2:It's it's not even that your relational tank is empty. It's just that you've you've clogged it or filled it up with something Right. Completely different.
Speaker 3:Right. And And and, like, that's why relationships are so important because for some of our kids, for most of our kids who have who come from hard places, they have junk that they need to deal with. And sometimes it is acceptable and appropriate for you to be that person. Sometimes it's acceptable and appropriate for you to introduce them to someone who's more qualified. I mean, I have been through a lot of counseling, and that's okay.
Speaker 3:The Lord used that. That's more than okay. Yeah. The Lord used that to free me up from a lot of stuff. I remember that I had a mentor come into my life named Alex, and Alex was in my life for 6 weeks.
Speaker 3:I didn't spend a ton of time with him, but he met me at the right time, and the Lord had prepared my heart, and he asked me, like, 6 really important questions. Hey, Zach. You don't trust people. Why is that? Hey, Zach.
Speaker 3:You don't forgive people. Why is that? Hey, Zach. You want a ton of attention, and you try to get it met through these ways. Why is that?
Speaker 3:And I'm like, man, like, those questions transform my life. Sometimes the Lord will use mentors to unclog your, relational needs tank. Sometimes he'll use counselors. Sometimes he'll use the Holy Spirit. Sometimes he'll use church.
Speaker 3:Sometimes he'll use the Bible. You don't ever know. But what I wanna do is I wanna come alongside the kid that I mentor and introduce him to as many options as possible that are gonna help get him back to good because the Lord redeems. Yeah. The Lord restores.
Speaker 3:And that's his heart. He wants to do that. And as a mentor, a lot of times he's going to use you or your network or your connections or your wisdom to make that happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah. God's original intent is family, and the fall creates this opportunity for relational needs to go unmet. Mhmm. And God's design redemptive plan is for mentors, community, families to be restored, and people that have their relational needs met
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Within a a surrounding community. Like, I mean, it's the verse that you share all the time. The Lord sets the lonely in families.
Speaker 3:Man. Amen.
Speaker 2:And that doesn't necessarily just look like your natural nuclear family. That's a tribe. Oh, yeah. That's a community that that cares for you, that is a is a support and a a healing balm.
Speaker 3:I mean, Genesis 218, it is not good for man to be alone. Right? And then Psalms 68:5, he's a father to the fatherless, a defender of the widows. God sets the lonely in families. That is so powerful.
Speaker 3:Like, God wants us to be in family. And for those of you guys or whose kids don't have a healthy biological family, well, praise the Lord that he gives us church community or mentors or different people to come alongside you and to act as family.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The next few episodes, we're gonna unpack what we call the 3 a's. Yeah. And those are attention, affirmation, and acceptance. And so we really want to spend some time training and equipping you in how to meet these needs because they're so foundational for every kid from a hard place.
Speaker 3:Yep. Yeah. And, I mean, I've I've been trying to put this thing together, the 3 a's, for about 10 to 15 years now. And so what what I have stumbled upon is from my own past, but it's also from working with these kids that we work with. I've kind of put my finger on young men who come from a home where there's no father figure present.
Speaker 3:Now this also I think the same thing applies to girls, and I think the same thing applies to other kids who come from hard places. It just looks different. Right? And so the 3 a's is this. The first one is attention.
Speaker 3:A kid from a hard place receives love through attention. And when they receive attention, it says to them that you matter more than anything else. Yeah. You matter. You have value.
Speaker 3:The next one is affirmation. A kid receives love through affirmation. And affirmation says, I believe in you. You have what it takes, and you are enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And
Speaker 3:there's so much power when a mentor, when a caring adult can speak those words of affirmation into the soul of a kid from a hard place who might have never heard that before. And then the last one is acceptance. A kid from a hard place receives love through acceptance, which says, I love you for you, not for what you do. And that kinda kills that performance based love mindset.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so those are the 3 a's, and we're gonna be talking about those over the next 3 weeks. I think it's huge, and I think if we can figure out how our kids are trying to receive attention, and if we can affirm them and say, hey, you don't have to go after that. I'll meet your needs in these ways, and the Lord will meet your your needs in these ways. And then come behind that and say, hey, regardless of what happens, you've got a place in our family. I accept you no matter what.
Speaker 3:I'm not going anywhere. I'm not quitting on you. My presence and my love has nothing to do with your performance. It has everything to do with who you are, and you're a child of God who has extreme value, and you have a place in my home and in my heart and in this world. Amen.
Speaker 3:I think there is so much value in a mentor giving practical, tools. Hey. It is awesome that a mentor can help a kid do better in school or teach him how to do well in sports or get a job. Things like that. That is needed 100%.
Speaker 3:The other side of that, it has to do with the heart. Right? These kids from hard places, their heart has gone through the ringer. And I believe through all of this, through relationship, through needs getting met in a healthy way, the Lord wants to restore the heart of our kids. He wants to speak to the heart.
Speaker 3:He wants our kids to know that he cares about them, and that they are sons and daughters and not orphans, and that they have a family and that they have a place. But, man, we the enemy has jacked up our kids' hearts, and there are lies being believed day in and day out. And I believe that the Lord wants to use us in his holy spirit to really restore the heart, to make it pure again, to where what flows from the heart is godly.
Speaker 2:So to end today's episode, we we thought it'd be great to just even ask that question so that we grow self aware. What are our relational
Speaker 3:needs? Yeah. Because you can't give what you don't have.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so if if we're completely unaware of what our needs are, how are we gonna discern what someone else's needs are? Mhmm. And so we just wanna say to you, mentor, it is not good for you to be alone. Yeah.
Speaker 2:What are your own relational needs? Have you done an inventory? Where does God fit in to your relational needs? Who is meeting your needs? Who who is the community around you that you've surrounded yourself with Mhmm.
Speaker 2:To have your needs met? And whose relational needs are you called
Speaker 3:to meet? Yeah. And it's so hard, guys. It's so hard here in America. And society says, if you have a need, you go fix it.
Speaker 3:You go meet it. You know, you fight and crawl to get what you need because really, you're responsible for yourself. Yeah. And if you don't do it, no one will. That's not really how the Lord works.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Right? The the Lord has made it to where we come alive through family, through community Dependence. Dependence. A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken.
Speaker 3:When 2 or more gathered there, the Lord is. The Lord wants us to need and to have each other. So Yeah. Which is hard to do, especially whenever society lies as a man, specifically, it's you don't have needs. And if you do, you better not say them because someone's gonna think that you're weak.
Speaker 3:And if you do, you better not say them because what if no one meets them? Right? Wow. So Wow. There's the enemy a lie, man.
Speaker 3:He that is what he does. He is the king of lies.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So after you do some kind of self inventory, grow in self awareness, we want you to listen to the rest of these episodes so that you can identify and consider your mentee, the person you're you're influencing and you're investing in. Where are they getting their needs met, and is it healthy or unhealthy? What do you think their greatest relational needs are? Who are the people in their life meeting their relational needs, And what are ways you can plan to address those?
Speaker 3:Yeah. And, 2 books that, I really like. 1 on needs is rare leadership by a guy named Warner. And then on just the importance of community and people, it's People Fuel by, John Townsend. Those are 2 books that helped me out a ton.
Speaker 2:Half of that book is on Zack's whiteboard right now.
Speaker 3:That's a true story, man. Just and it's so crazy. In the book, rare leadership, he goes through the brain and how, like, it's nuts, but we are truly wired in our brains for relationship. Mhmm. But guys, we love you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. As a mentor, like, we want you to be as healthy as possible, and we want you to find everything that you need in the Lord Jesus Christ. And we want your identity to be secure as a son or as a daughter of the most high king, and we want you to be filled up by people who love you and who care about you, but by also having a deep and intimate relationship with Lord Jesus Christ. Because you can't give what you yourself don't have. And we want you to be an incredible mother or father or husband or wife and mentor.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Because I mean, guys, this is all about mentoring. And, yes, some people have different definitions about mentoring and discipleship and da da da. But really, like, we're making disciples. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And that is the main thing is we wanna teach these kids who we're building relationships with how to love God and how to love others and turn them into a disciple who can pass this on, not only to their community and their friends, but also to their future husbands and wives and kids. How crazy is that? I truly do believe that the people who are gonna have the most impact by your investment into this child's life is not actually the kid who you're mentoring. It's the kid who you're mentoring's kids. And that's how you break a generational cycle.
Speaker 3:I believe that the Lord, through your investment, wants to turn a generational curse into a generational blessing. And that years years years from now, the kid who you're mentoring, his kids are going to say, man, thank the Lord for my dad's mentor. Yeah. There's power there, man. Relationships change lives.
Speaker 3:Relationships with the Lord, relationships with others.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening to today's episode. We really encourage you to check our show notes for those questions so you can do some self reflection as well as consider what your mentees relational needs are, and check out those books. We'll have those in our show notes, rare leadership and people fuel. The 3 a's are gonna be 3 different episodes, so be sure to check those out. Attention, affirmation, and acceptance.
Speaker 2:If you haven't left a review yet, please jump on Apple Podcasts. Leave us a review. We're so thankful for that, and let us know if this podcast has been helpful to you in any way. We wanna hear about it. And if there's nothing that you've received up to this point, we just want it to be this.
Speaker 2:You can mentor.