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Children are a gift of God, but we all need help raising them!
At Sandals Church, our vision is to be real with ourselves, God and others. This channel features sermons and teaching from Pastor Matt Brown and other members of the Sandals Church preaching team. You can find sermon notes, videos and more content at http://sandalschurch.com/watch
Thanks for tuning in to the Sandals Church podcast. Our vision as a church is to be real with ourselves, God, and others. We're glad you're here and we hope you enjoy this message.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Hi, guys. Merry Christmas, man. I'm so glad you guys are here. We're in a series called A Different Christmas. We're in the book of Ephesians, and man, I just love this series.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And I just wanna say thank you as a church. Last week I was so nervous when I preached about the word submission, and our church has been so supportive, so encouraging, and I gotta just give a shout out to the women in our church. I got more positive feedback from you, and you were the ones that made me the most nervous. So, thank you so much for just trusting me as I try to figure out how on earth do I guide us as a church through these difficult passages. So today I wanna talk about something different.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And and and some of us, we we all know this but we forget this, but Christmas is ultimately all about one kid, and his name is Jesus. And one of the things that our society is deeply lacking is an appreciation for the unborn, specifically babies, right? We don't think about this, but Jesus was an unwanted, unexpected child. He was not a planned pregnancy, but he was God's plan. And many of us forget that, man, children are all a part of God's plan.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And one of my favorite moments in the Christmas story is when Mary just sits back and she ponders all that people say what this child will be. And I just wanna say this, every single one of the children in our church, they are unlimited potential. We have no idea what God is going to do through them. And we need to see them as a gift. Every single child.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And many of us as Christians miss the gift of children. We don't see them of that. You're like, Well, Pastor, that's because my children are different. Amen? We're wrestling right now.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Not sure that this kid's gonna be on the good list, right, as Christmas approaches. So I just wanna say this. Man, I'm here for you. We're here for you. But we're gonna look at some tough scriptures today, and we're gonna unpack them.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I have 9 points. Nine points. So I hope you enjoy the next 3 hours. We're gonna we're gonna just unpack this together. So let's look at Ephesians 6:1 through 4.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Children, obey your parents in the Lord. You're like, I like this sermon already. Right? Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. I want you to put that word away because a lot of times in our culture, people don't know what's right anymore.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They don't know what's wrong anymore. And that's why we need the word of God, because he tells us this is right. He says, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you. Amen? Listen to this.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:That you may enjoy a long life on earth. God wants to bless your kids. But it starts with them honoring you. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So the Apostle Paul is dealing with families, marriages, workplace, all of this, and he's saying, look, we've got to be different. So let's talk about children, and I wanna start off with our younger audience. And we just need to be real. Making children is fun, amen? It's fun.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Don't be, don't be uncomfortable. Like, I don't know. This is Look, God invented sex. It wasn't your idea. You didn't accidentally discover it.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:God invented this. And God is good. Amen, guys? God is good. He could have been cruel.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:He could have guys made us like praying mantises. Okay? We mate one time, then she eats us. That that could have happened. You know, it had been the best day of your life and then the worst.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:But God didn't do that for you. God gave you the blessing. And listen to me, sex is a unique way that God brings us together, and it's something that's important in the context of marriage. And so if you're having sex outside of the context of marriage, it will not bring a blessing in your life, but it can bring a burden that you're not ready for. So understand this, that that sex is is fun, and you need to understand that.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And oftentimes, things that are fun get out of control in our lives. And so every religion that's real, okay, not your made up pretend religion, and I hear these all the time, you know, online and on TikTok, you know, I just follow my heart. That's a made up religion that you've made it up, listen to me, to excuse your desires. All real religions, whether Judaism, Islam, even Buddhism, confronts our sensual and sexual natures and says this is a problem and it must be restricted. The modern religion of the day says, do whatever you want.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Be with whoever you want. Be whatever you want. See yourself however you want, and that is an extraordinary danger, and we need to all be aware of this. So Paul talks about sex, and we talked about this last week, but we didn't identify it as sex. In Ephesians 531, the Apostle Paul says this, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Okay? To be united with his wife. The primary motivation of men in marriage, did you see it? To be united with his wife. Amen.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Amen. That's, okay, that's a driving force for men, and it's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. And the 2 will become what? 1 flesh.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So I want you to write this down, take a mental note. Sex is a gift from God. Okay, the porn industry didn't invent it. They twisted it. God invented it.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Sex is a gift from God. Listen to me. Children are a gift from sex. When you do it God's way, you get to celebrate this gift. When you do it your way, you fall into all kinds of other sinful situations and you try to cover up your sin.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And here's the thing that we need to understand from scripture. You never fix sin with sin. It never makes it better. And we need to make sure that we don't have a shame based culture because people make mistakes and children are never a mistake. You may not have planned for them, but God did.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:God knew that they were coming. The Bible says that Jesus was planned before the foundation of the world. Before Mary was ever born, Jesus was already coming. And we need to understand that and just see that children are a blessing from God. So making kids is fun.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Amen? They In here, they're like, I don't know. I can't amen that. Listen to me, young people. Raising children is a challenge.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So the making part, fun. The raising part, not so fun. It's challenging. And I know it starts out fun. They're cute.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They're quiet. They sleep most of the time. That is going away. That is going away soon. So we need to learn to parent.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And and I wish that someone would have just sat down with me and said, hey, here's how you ought to do this because I had never held an infant until I held my first infant. That's not, guys, that's not a good thing. Here's what I would say to you. If you're young, volunteer in babies. Start holding them.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Start caring for them because one day you're going to be handed 1, and if it's the first time you've ever done that, you're gonna be way behind what you need to know. So volunteer in kids ministry. Get with the little ones. You know, it's not that challenging. You know, a 1 year old's not gonna ask you a theological question.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Right? That they're not gonna do that. You don't have to know anything about Jesus. You just have to not drop them. Amen?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:That's it. Don't drop them. So 0 to 2, listen to me, especially young moms. Get off TikTok. Stop watching the Enneagram.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Oops. Slipped there. Instagram. Instagram. And and listen.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:0 to 2, it's all about creating rhythms. What rhythms? Rhythms that work for you, mom. You know what's the best for the baby? For you to be sleeping, for you to be eating.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So many young moms, you're looking at everybody else. God hasn't called you to be them. You're not that kid's mom. You're your kid's mom. So you need to be sleeping.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It's all about rhythms. When do you eat? When do you sleep? This child is a part of your family. You're not a part of this kid's family, and a lot of people get this messed up.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And as soon as you're a part of your kid's family, that kid is a terrible parent. Terrible. And they will ruin your life. Man, I look at some of the parents in our church. You know, they're like, they got a 2 year old.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:The 2 year old's running them. I'm like, you're bigger than them. Dominate. Dominate. Well, I don't believe in spanking.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Fine. Hold them down. I'm not saying you have to strike the child, but can you please restrain them? Amen? And it doesn't have to be violent.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Just gentle but firm pressure that communicates you're not getting up maybe ever. Amen? So which brings us to our next point. So 0 to 2 rhythms. What do we do?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And let me tell you something, you break rhythms, they will break you. Kids love patterns. And listen to me parents, what's the first thing God does in Genesis 1? He creates a rhythm on the 1st day, on the 2nd day, on the 3rd day. And on the 7th day, what are you to do?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Rest just like he did. The very first thing God does when he creates his children is he creates rhythms. Rhythms that revolve around him. When many parents create rhythms that revolve around their child, that's a dangerous way to raise a kid. Ages 2 to 4, it's all about creating kindness.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Anybody raising a biter? K. We've had biters in our family. I sat down our 3 year old. I said, look, I'm trying to grow a church.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:When you bite children in the nursery, the parents don't wanna come back. Ultimately, this will affect my salary, which will affect your ability to live. Stop biting children. You know? Isn't that horrible when it's the pastor's kid that's like, you know?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:2 to 4. Listen to me, parents. You love your kid, the world doesn't. Challenge them to be nice. There's this explosion on the Internet.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Man, this thing's gone viral. And it's this English kid. I don't know why English kids are so nasty. But this English kid, his dad's saying, hey, you're on the naughty list. And this kid's saying, I am not.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I am not on the naughty list. He said, who said that? He said, Saint Nicholas said that. He said, you bring me Santa, and I'll punch him in the face. Yeah.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know what your job is? To help redirect that child physically. K? When your kid wants to punch Santa in the face, that needs to wake you up that you are raising a little devil. And so many parents Listen to me.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You love your kid, the world won't. And here's what happens. If you don't teach your kids how to be kind, they won't make friends at school. They'll be isolated. They'll be all alone, and they're gonna have a very difficult life.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Because so much of life is not how smart they are. It's can you get along with people. Yeah. Can you get along with people? Because I don't care how smart you are.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:If you're a jerk, I don't wanna work with you. Now, for those of you kids under 4, you have no idea how close to hell you are. I'm praying for you. 5 to 12, glorious years. Amen?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:5 to I mean, listen to me. 5 to 12, dads, you're cool. Like, you're the greatest thing on earth. You know, there was only when my kids were little, there was only one man greater than me, Matt Alby, because he's 6 foot 7, body of a Greek God. And my kids would always compare everything to him.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Dad, is he bigger than Matt Alby? I'm, like, yes, he's bigger than Matt Alby. But but when your when your kids are in the elementary years, you're their hero. They listen to you. They love you.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They kinda have friends, but really you're their friend. And that's gonna go away at this magical year called 13. That's why it's an unlucky year. Right? Yeah.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It's coming to a theater near you. So 5 to 12, it's magical years, glorious years, and it's all about instruction. Okay? You've got to teach them what's right. And I hear parents all the time, well, I'm not gonna force religion on my kids.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Look, God doesn't want you to force anything on your kids, but he does want you to teach them about right and wrong. He does want you to teach them about good and evil, and he does want you to teach them about him. Because here's the thing, the world is not so kind. They will force their religious views on them. And that's why we have all these young people that are just whacked out in their thinking because they go to college and the college does not And now even high school, and in some cases junior high, and unfortunately even in our elementary schools now, they're being indoctrinated into this religion, and it is religious.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And it's forcing their views on our kids, and so we need to do that as parents and as a church. And then in 13 to 18 year olds, okay, hang on. It's a tough time. It's a wild ride. There's gonna be some ups, some downs.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:There's gonna be some moments where you can't make it. They won't think they can make it. But God willing, you'll all make it. Amen? It's it's some tough times.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I laugh now, cried then. So I'm praying for you if you're going through that. But 13 to 18 is all about redirection. Redirection from feelings to what is good, right, and true. If you didn't teach them what's good, right, and true from 5 to 12 you're in trouble.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You gotta redirect them because teenagers are about their feelings. How am I feeling? What's going on? Right? They're processing emotions they've never had before.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Your job is to redirect them and hopefully model for them, that'd be awesome, as parents. How to not choose your feelings but to choose what is good, what is right, and what is true. 18 to 25 years old, it's all about blessing. Okay? It's all about blessing.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:If you didn't put it in by now, it's not in there. You need to bless them, listen to me, as they work towards what's good, right, and true. Here's what I tell my kids all the time, you can do whatever you want. Your mom and I don't bless sin. We don't bless sin.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So you wanna go your own way? You you feel free. And it's amazing. Right? Kids are like, oh, I can't wait to do everything I wanna do.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I was like, feel free. Let's see how far your budget takes you. You know? Because the answer is to the mailbox, and then you're gonna come right back. One of my favorite fights is one of our daughters when she was telling us with passion that she pays for most of her bills.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I was like, great. Let's write them down. Let's I'm just curious to see, because I I could be wrong. There's a chance I could be wrong. Let's start writing down.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Let's start with the mortgage. Okay. Let's start with your school bill, your medical insurance. How we doing? Oh, you pay for an occasional coffee.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Got it. Got it. Right? Okay. Okay.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We're we're moving. We're moving. So they want freedom. They want freedom. Parents, listen to me.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You're sinning if you're partnering with them and doing something that's foolish. The gift This is how Godparents, the prodigal son, he lets his stupid son go. He doesn't chase him. He waits for him to come back. Now, I'm not saying you should just, wow, you're 18.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:That's not what I'm saying. Talk to your kid, remind them, counsel them, but ultimately, you have very little control when they're 18, and they're gonna have to learn their own mistakes. 26 plus. If you're 26 years and older, the brain you have is the brain you have. K?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It's not getting any better. Yeah. If you're not 26, there's still hope. Amen, parents? There's still hope.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:26, that brain is fully developed, and you are what you are. So you gotta start dealing with your habits. You can't you can't wait for your brain. But 26 and above, it's all about celebrating them as they learn to stand on their own. It breaks my heart when I see 30 year olds and 40 year olds dependent upon their parents.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Okay? You've got to challenge your kids to grow up. I know it's hard parents, but God wants them to leave. For this reason, a man will what? Doesn't say stay with his mom and dad.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:He will leave and be joined to his mother, excuse me, to his wife and to, you know, his his family, not your family. He's gotta grow up and grow out. And I say that not because I'm not picking on women, but women do a much better job in our society of growing up. We have a bunch of men that are still boys and we gotta train our men to wanna grow up and leave and have their own households. Okay.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So as Christians, here's the good news. We don't have to parent alone. You're not in this by yourself. Man, God loves you. God cares for you.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Number 3, God reinforces parental authority. So our government doesn't understand parental authority. Right? They constantly intervene. They constantly cut you off.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They think they know better. I A couple of years ago, I got really frustrated. My daughter was really sick, and she had gone to the hospital, right, you know, by herself. And, and you know, it's intimidating to talk to the doctor. And and I got frustrated, so I went in with my 20 year old and I sat in there.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know they sent a social worker in? Because they thought I was abusing my daughter. I said, let me tell you what's being abused. The money I'm paying for her, and you're not doing what I'm asking you to do. They asked me to step outside, and they counseled Madison.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Like, are you feeling okay? Is he abusive? Is he dangerous? She's like, sometimes. That's not what she said.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:But look, our daughter wasn't okay. Turns out, she's just allergic to corn. But I had to go in there and go, Rambo, amen, dads? To get a test to find out that was what the problem was. Because they kept telling me, she's fine.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I go, I know my daughter. She's not fine. Something's wrong. And so I had I had to get in there. And so here's the thing is, you're not alone in this.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You got, you have God that's saying, listen, you have authority. So Kaiser Permanente may have been uncomfortable with me in the room. God said, I get to be in the room. And I told Madison, I said, I'm not here to to intimidate you. I'm here to intimidate them.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Them. My wife does the same thing, man. She's a strong woman. We go to the doctor, she's like, you tell them. I'm like, what?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And so I do, I go. I said, no, this is what we wanna do. Because you're paying the insurance, you're the customer. You get to say what you want. You get to say the tests you want.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And it's an insurance company. Oftentimes, they deny you the first time. So you have to stand there and say, no, this is what we're gonna do. And it works. It works.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Okay. You're not alone, parents. God has given you authority. Children, obey your parents, listen to this, in the Lord. You see, the Christian family all goes back to Jesus.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Right? Marriage, where does our submission go to ultimately? To Jesus. Parents, where does your authority ultimately come from? Jesus.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Not from the government, not from the educational school system, not from the doctors or the hospitals. It comes from God. God has given you authority, and that's because parenting is hard. And you love your kids so much. And here's the truth.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:If you're critical of your parents, you need to know this. They don't know what they're doing. They're learning. That's like our oldest daughter, Madison. I just say, sorry.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You were our practice. I didn't know. I didn't know. She's the first baby I ever held. She's the 1st toddler I ever watched.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:She's the 1st kid I ever dropped off at school. She's the 1st teenager I ever had. She's the 1st person I ever taught to drive. Boy, that was fun. Yeah.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We get to laugh at dad and how he lost his mind. You wait until you teach your kid to drive. It's gonna be wonderfully exasperating. We'll get to that in a second. Okay.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you. God blesses children when they honor you as mom and dad. What that means is when they don't honor you, God is not blessing them. And you need to challenge them with this. That you may enjoy a long life on earth.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I used to tell our kids, man, look, it's your mom and I, we can make more kids and it's fun. Go back to point number 1, you know. Just saying. Number 4, God strengthens parents through his church community. I want you to know that the book of Ephesians is not a letter to parents, it's a letter to a church family.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Some of you, God bless you, you just watch. God doesn't want church to be something that you watch. He wants it to be a community that you join. And here's the thing is, here's what I love about our church is there are people in our church that have more experience than me, more knowledge than me, more wisdom than me, and they are willing to come alongside and help me when my kids have questions. We've been trying to help our son kinda navigate some big decisions.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Now, he's almost 20 years old. So what that means is largely his decisions are up to him. Technically, he's an adult. He can do what he wants. And here's the thing that gave me great peace.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We had church members in our church take him out to dinner. Sat down with him, talked with him. And you say, what did they talk with him about? Here's the answer, I don't know. You wanna know why?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I trust them implicitly. I know whatever they said to him it was because they love God, they love our church, they love Tammy and me, and they love our son. Do you have those kind of people in your life? And you can't microwave that. That comes over time.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:One of the men in our church that disciples my son is Claude Hickman. How much is that worth? Claude is one of the wisest, purest men I know, pouring into my son freely. Man, that's what God wants for you. Let me tell you something, parents.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:One of the hardest things you'll face is when when you have to stand alone because all of your kids' friends' parents are idiots. This is what parents do. It drives me crazy. Well, if everyone else is doing it, okay. No.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:No. I don't care. I was I I was the one, I'll always die first. And you know parents would call me like chickens, thank you so much for making a stand because they were afraid to. Look, I don't care if everyone's kid is doing it.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:My kid's not doing it if it's not safe, if it's not smart, if it's not wise. If I don't have a sense of peace about it, you know, and I can handle their tears, I'll sleep just fine, you know. Feel free to stay up all night. Seriously, I love my kids. Listen to me.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I'm not my kids' friends. I'm their parent. And my job is to not destroy their life. And it's amazing to me how many parents today just wanna be friends. You're not Your job is not to be their friend.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Your job is to be the parent, to be the mature one, to do the right thing. And that may You know what that means? You're not always liked. One time, our daughter was 13 and we were going through a tough time and she was really frustrated with me. And some of you heard me say this story.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I said I said, Madison, I'll love you no matter what. And she said, but what if I don't love you? She's 13. That happens, you know. And she feels so bad every time I tell this story.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:She's a wonderful daughter. She's amazing. I love her. She's turned into a wonderful woman of God. But at 13, not so much.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I said, no matter what you do, I'll love you. She said, but what if I don't love you? And it hurt. It hurt. And I heard from God and I said, Madison, my love for you is not dependent upon your love for me.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I closed the door and I cried because it hurt. And then I heard God say, and now you know how I love you, Matt. You see God's love for you is not dependent upon your love for him. Man, think about that. So you need you need a church family to come alongside And here's the thing is, we're outgunned, we're outnumbered and we're under heard.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We don't have the voice that culture has. The things you teach, the things that are good, right and true are shamed in our world today. Your kids will be made fun of and put down and isolated. They'll be called all kinds of names, bigoted, homophobic, you name it. Simply because they have a moral compass that's different than the world around them.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You need to bring in reinforcements. The devil loves to see a family that stands alone. God wants to put an army together called the church. And the beautiful thing about Sandals is we're not one church in one place, we're one church in 14 places. And we have people all over this state, now we have people all over this country, now we have people all over this world that are working together to protect the kids that we're trying to raise.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Okay? And that means something. It means something. And and unfortunately, that's the way the world works. When I go in to talk to a politician, listen to me, they know who I am because they know who you are.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And that matters. Even if they don't agree, that matters to politicians. And our voice is heard because we stand together as a church. So as Sandals Church family, we're a family. Some are like, well I don't have any kids.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I'm not planning on having kids. You have kids if you're a member of the church. Every single one of you. You say, well, I raise my kids. No, no, no.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:There's still kids in this church. You see, we're not just called as a church to raise our own kids, we're called to raise his kids. So at Sandals Church, we are committed, listen to me, we are committed to seeing children as full members of the church. Some of you miss what Paul just did here. He spoke to children directly in the word of God.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Some of you missed this. Ephesians 6:1, children. This verse is not to parents. This verse is not to singles in the church, it's to who? Children.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So imagine, 2000 years ago for the first time in your life, you are publicly addressed by anyone. 2000 years ago, children were not seen as full human beings yet. Children were treated just like slaves, did you know that? Until they came of age. They were not seen as full members of the family.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They were kind of like JV kids. I mean, JV adults. Ephesians 61. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Some of you miss what Paul is is campaigning for and standing up for in Ephesians.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Last week, we talked about the fact that women have rights. Women are full members of the family of God. Then he talks about slaves. Slaves have rights. These these are your brothers.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:These are your sisters. And you miss what Paul is saying. He said well he didn't outright condemn slavery. When you say this is your brother and this is your sister, what are you saying? Can you own that which is equal to you?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Paul's brilliant. He's brilliant. And now, he's doing something even more radical. He's saying children have rights. They have rights.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And not only do they have rights, they have commands. And not only do they have commandments, but if they're obedient to them, they can be blessed. And here's why you need to know this. Paul in Ephesians, in the previous chapter, he said we're all children. Some of you missed this.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Ephesians 5, 8, and 11, for you were once in darkness, but now you are in the light of the Lord. Listen to this. Live as children of the light. The same word. For the full light Excuse me.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:For the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth. How are we to raise our children in the same way we're to live? And find out what pleases the Lord. Man, you wanna know what's keeping you from growing in Christ? You haven't yet become a child.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:A child's not afraid to ask questions. A child's not afraid to be wrong. A child, man, a child will just keep keep asking. What happens as we grow older, we pretend that we know. We pretend.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We're all children, okay? As a Sandals Church family, we are committed to creating ways for children to connect with Jesus. Jesus said this, remember him? He's fairly important. He's the reason for the season, amen?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Jesus said, let the little children come to me. This is radical. He says, do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. We have 14 different campuses man, And some of these campuses that you now sit in, when we took over them, there was no safe place for children. We bought this one church, I kid you not, they put the kids in a dungeon.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I'm like, you wanna know why your church is dying? Your children's ministry is a dungeon. Can you imagine? Come to our church. You'll learn about Jesus.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We're gonna start our lesson off in a dungeon. And this is where you'll go, little child, if you don't repent of your sins. I I couldn't believe it. A dungeon. Some churches have holes in the floor.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Man, I mean, they have electric, you know, sockets all over the place. Electricity shooting out. Lights that don't work. Man, they still got, you know, valve you know, all all the the the stuff from the seventies all over the place. Oh, my gosh.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It's like, what is going on? We wanna create a safe place for our kids. You know, every single person at our church that works with kids is background checked. That's not free, but kids are worth it. And we do that.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We do that. So, we wanna create safe places for kids. We wanna create beautiful places. People always get upset. Well, I don't know why we gotta spend so much money.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I want you to look at the earth that God placed you in. Did he go cheap? Is the earth dull? I mean, when's the last time you looked at a sunset and you're like, You ever go to the ocean? I could have done better.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Seen a redwood tree? Like, I try to paint a redwood tree. God made one. He made one. It grows on its own.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It's amazing. So when kids come to the church, they should see environments that reflect the creativity that God shows us when he creates a space for us. We wanna have age appropriate places. I mean, last week I was talking about sex. You know, and I was just cracking up.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I was super funny. And in the back of one of our services, I hear this kid belly laughing. And I'm like, oh my gosh. There's like an 8 year old listening to this message. Now how sad is that that my humor connects directly to an 8 year old?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Right? I mean, this kid can't stop laughing. He's like my wife's like, oh my gosh. But listen, we wanna have age appropriate classes for these kids. And some are like, well, I don't think you should you should say that.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Well, you brought your kid in here. That's not on me. That's your choice. And here's the thing is, I'm glad that kid was connecting. I'm not super excited about what he was connecting with but, but here's the thing, church should never be boring.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Ever. Like, if you followed Jesus, it was scary but never boring. Amen? It was never ever boring. You know, what naked scary guy in a cemetery can we talk to today?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Okay. That's Jesus. That's Jesus. There are storms everywhere, screamers everywhere, naked people everywhere, prostitutes washing his feet. That's like Tuesday.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It was never boring with Jesus. And sometimes, I think in the name of holiness, we've just created this stuffy place and it's no wonder kids want to get out of here. I mean, how amazing would that be if people came to the church instead of Disneyland for creativity? For imagination. I mean, God has given kids incredible imaginations, incredible wonder.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I mean, some of the some of the best theology I've had has come from kids who stumped me with great questions. You know how embarrassing that is when a 4 year old stumps you theologically? I don't know little one. Thank you very much. But what did Jesus say?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Let the children come unto me. And we need to do that. Parenting is so hard today. It was hard then. It's always been hard, but Jesus wants us to provide a place for kids to come to today.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And we need to think about that. And so many of you as parents listen to me, at Christmas, you wanna make memories with your kids. Right? Look, our kids spaces are designed to make moments for your kids to connect with Jesus. And here's the thing you need to know, when I got wonky in my early twenties, in my late teens, it was those moments with Jesus early on.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It was those moments, those things I learned, those truths I believed, the instruction I received. And I knew when I was broken, I knew where to go to get healed. And let's just be honest, some of you right now, you haven't heard one thing I said past honor your father and mother, because your deepest wounds come from your mother and father. Let me just say this, remember we're all children? This is why we all need to come to Jesus because he heals our wounds.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Whether we're little or big, he sees the child that's broken in your heart and he wants to heal you. Jesus heals wounds. He saves souls. Listen to me. He directs lives.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Parents, I love you. Sports is great. It will not save their soul. It will not heal their heart. You see there's a lot of good things you can fill your kids' lives with, but those good things are never a God thing.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And you need to make a decision to raise your child up in the instruction of the Lord. Just calculate the amount of hours a week your kid plays a game versus the amount of hours a week you're allowing your kid to understand the game of life through God's eyes. And you wonder why 80% of our kids when they turn 18 never come back. Most of our kids come to church now once a month for 1 hour a month. That's their instruction.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And you wonder why we're losing. We can't give the world 99% and God 1% and expect our kids to find the right path. You've got to create time for your kid to connect with God. Remember step number 1, what's the most important thing about parenting? Creating rhythms.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:One of the best things my parents ever did is we were in church. We were in church and those were some of the best people I met. I know some of you have been hurt in church and I'm sorry. I didn't get hurt in the church, I got hurt in the world and I knew where to come back. I knew where I was loved.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I knew where I was I mattered. I knew where I would be cared for. This week, I was talking to a woman in our church and she's just really wrestling. Because some of you are were raised by parents who are still children. They're still selfish.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They still put themselves first. They've never grown up. They've never matured. And this woman was hurting so bad because here's what she wants, she wants her mother to be a mom. You know what moms do?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They put their kids first. You know what her mom does? Her mom puts herself first constantly. Chooses herself, even as a senior citizen, over her children. I asked her, I said, how are you doing?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:She said, I heard from God today. Listen to this. She said, the Lord spoke to me and he said, you were not created to be your mother's daughter. You were created to be mine. Wow.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You see, this is what kids need to learn. No matter how broken their mom and dad is on earth, their father in heaven is not broken. And he always loves. And here's the thing you need to know about God. He put you first.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:He always does. Even before his own son's life. And he's asking you to put him first. And I just thought what a beautiful moment. Because, listen, not only is this woman not just a daughter of the king, she's a princess.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Guys, you're a prince. All things that God has he wants to share with you. So as The Sandals Church family, we are committed to engaging with parents in the biblical teaching of children. Look, it's not my job to raise your kids, that's your job. It's my job to come alongside you and to help you.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Ephesians 6 1 through 4, fathers do not exasperate your children. I know every parent's in here like, I'm not the one exasperating. It would crack me up, man. We had so many parents experiment with homeschool during COVID. They're like, Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And then like 2 weeks later, they're like, Can't do it. Can't do it. You can't teach the dead. You know? And I mean like good parents in our church, they were all in on YouTube watching videos.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I'm done. I'm done. Listen to what it says. It says, fathers do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord. Listen to me.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:One of the ways we do that is we let other people teach our kids. Here's one of the things that you're gonna find out. The older your kids get, the less they listen to you. You remember I said my son went out to dinner with that family? I'm guessing they told him everything I said.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:But somehow, in some strength, do you guys know I'm a communicator? Like, I communicate for a living. I inspire for a living. I point thousands of people to Jesus. Not so much my kids.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know? Like I tell my kids what the Bible means, like, what? It's not like you have a show. Yes. It's called the debrief.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:But here's the thing is, you need to let others come alongside. I'm so thankful for for all our d group leaders in our youth ministry. That every single Wednesday, amen, they come and they listen to our kids. They pray for our kids. They come alongside our kids.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They point our kids to Jesus. Man, you need that. I'm thankful for our community group over the years. Our kids have seen us talk with God, wrestle with God, talk with others, be with others. Our kids have seen community.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:But let me say this, the church cannot raise your kid to be a Christian, only you can do that. We can only come alongside and support you as you raise your kids to be Christians. At Sandals Church, we are committed. We're committed to giving financially to support the education of our kids at church. How many of you guys know raising kids is expensive?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Okay, if your hand's not up, you don't have them yet. But they're expensive. They are super expensive. If you don't believe me, just go to Disneyland on Tuesday. Tell me how it goes.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know? I wanna know how that $27 turkey leg tastes. I wanna know. K? It's it's ridiculously expensive.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Doing anything with your kids is expensive. Raising kids is expensive. So is teaching them about Jesus. Okay. One of the things that we spend money on is our classrooms and our space for these kids.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:It costs money. It's not free. And some of you, you know, we live in a culture where everybody wants everything and nobody wants to pay for anything. Anything. That's our culture.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know, we call them rights. Guess what right you have? You get the right to contribute. That's the right you have as a church member. But rights today is, I get it.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:I get it. Well, my question is, well, who pays for it? Like, in the world, it's magic money. You know? There's this magic horn from heaven that just pours out gold.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:That's not the case in the church. And here's the thing is, somebody said, well, Sandals is a megachurch. Here's the thing. Smaller churches have better giving. Mega churches have smaller giving.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know what it is? People think because we have all these resources. Oh, we must have a ton of money. Actually, smaller churches per capita have way more money. Because in a smaller church, you go, oh, well, there's only 6 people in here.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So if I don't give, you know, and then you look at sandals, you say, well, there's 30,000. Well, here's the problem. Most of us look around and we assume everyone else is giving. Look, we wanna we wanna hire great teachers. We wanna provide great training.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We wanna provide great camps for our kids. We wanna provide great resources for kids. One of the things that I never thought I would do as your pastor is sit in budget meetings. Boy, that's fun. You know?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You don't know what I think hell is? It's a budget meeting forever. Forever. And you never have enough money, but you just keep moving it around to think. But here's one of the things that we have to decide is how much money do we set aside for each campus for their kid ministry, for their youth ministry, for their camp.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Where do you think that money comes from? It comes from our church members who give. And I wanna encourage you. You say, well I don't have any kids. No, but the Lord does.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And so we need to help raise his kids. It's one of the primary responsibilities of the church. You wanna know why the world's so crazy? We're not so good at raising kids and we need to do that. Next, we wanna we wanna celebrate a Sandals Church.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We're we're committed to celebrating those who make kids their personal ministry. Man, I just I just gotta tell you, if you wear a blue shirt, I love you. If you're a d group leader, I love you. You have no idea the impact and difference you make in the lives of people. And I love you.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Paul closes the book of Ephesians by calling out a guy. His name is Tychicus, which sounds like, you know, he needs to go to the hospital. But Tychicus, he says, the dear brother and faithful servant of the Lord. He said, he will tell you everything. So that you may also know how I am and what I'm doing, I am sending him to you for this very purpose.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:How did Paul send Tychicus? Through offerings, through giving. That's, that, that's the only reason the gospel spread is because faithful believers faithfully gave of what God had given them so that the gospel can go forward. Let me tell you something, you want to kill Christianity in the next generation? Stop caring about kids.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Stop praying about kids. Stop giving to kids ministry. Man, we got to do this as a church. Summer camp now, it's like a bazillion dollars, you know. Jeff, even like, you know, Jeff Bezos was like, what?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:You know, it's crazy. It's crazy. But we wanna send kids because my life was changed at camp. And I just wanna thank God for everybody in our church. And here's the thing, I especially wanna thank the men in our church.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Anybody wonder why the Apostle Paul singled out men to be focused on instruction? Because oftentimes guys it's only the women that do it. Paul's Paul's a genius. Fathers, be engaged in the instruction of your children. This week we lost a dear saint in our church, Ed Frank.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Ed Frank served in our kids ministry for 19 years. Ed Frank is a prayer warrior, a man of God, has changed literally I don't know how many thousands of kids lives. You know, he went to summer camp 11 years in a row. But Ed Frank's job is done. So here's my question is, where's the next Ed Frank?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Where are those guys that are gonna step up and say, you know what, kids is my ministry, kids are my mission, I'm gonna pour into them. Because you know who Ed Frank is? He's Artichicus. He's our beloved brother that served, that said kids are gonna be my mission and for so many of us, we've just overlooked them. We've overlooked them.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Why is it that Disney understands the importance of kids but the church forgets? We need to realize that. It's amazing what God could do in the lives of parents when we prioritize the life of kids. The lives of kids. I met, a couple this week that's volunteering in kids ministry, I said, what made you guys wanna volunteer?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:They pointed to their daughter. They said she wanted to serve. So we were sitting in the parking lot waiting for her to serve and then we got convicted. And so we joined with her. And now we got 3 volunteers because we had a 6th grade girl who said, I wanna teach kids about Jesus.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Now we got her, her mom and her dad. Listen church, we need to make kids a priority. So many of you are upset with kids these days, well let's start raising them. Let's start teaching them, let's start loving them and let's make kids a priority at this church because they're a priority to Jesus. Amen?
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Let's pray together, let's bow our heads and close our eyes. Heavenly Father, we thank you Lord for for men like Ed Frank. We thank you for his life, his ministry and his passion. God I pray that you raise up 100 and 100 of people in this church, if not 1,000, to make kids a priority. To make kids their ministry.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:To make kids their mission. God, I pray that when kids walk in this place, walk into any Sandals location, that they would say I'm loved there, I'm cared for there and I'm taught there about Jesus. Lord, help us to reach the next generation for Jesus. We pray in Christ's name. Amen.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:Thank you so much for taking time to watch this content. It is my prayer and and really my mission in life to help you further your relationship with God, building an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ and, ultimately, yourself, and I pray with other people around you. If this content is doing that, I wanna invite you to move from being someone who watches content to someone who becomes a partner with us in developing this content. And the primary way you can do that from where you are is to donate today. You can go to donate dotsc.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:And here's you know, if you're like me, I wonder where does my money go. Well, here's the one thing I want you to know about us. We're not just an online platform. We actually have 14 physical campuses that are all across California that meet in in just a myriad of different socioeconomic cities. And in some of these cities, there's somebody that's struggling, single moms, kids that can't afford to go to camp, kids that can't have an opportunity to get a backpack or something like that for school, and your money helps us to meet those needs right where they are.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:So what I would encourage you to do today is just pray about and say, God, what do you want me to do? And whatever God says, that's what I would encourage you to do because the Bible says God loves a hilarious giver, somebody who wants to give, somebody who's encouraged to give, and that's my prayer for you. And so I just wanna thank you for praying. And for those who pray and feel led by God to give, I wanna thank you for giving because here's the thing. If there are no givers, there's no Sandals Church ministry.
Pastor Matthew Stephen Brown:We we can't do ministry without the generosity of the people who are blessed by this ministry. So I just wanna say thank you so much, and God bless everybody who's furthering their authentic relationship with Jesus.