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Two cousins amplifying Black and Queer presence in wellness, family-building, and intentional living. From preconception to parenting, marriage to personal healing, homemaking, and the everyday choices that keep us grounded. All without the sh*tty politics. Kinfolk Unscripted is a podcast centering unfiltered conversations, honest experiences, and the joy of figuring it out together.
Podcast - Multicam
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[00:00:00]
Welcome to Kinfolk Unscripted
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Martissa: Hey, Kin. Welcome to Kinfolk Unscripted
Chanel: I'm Chanel, a straight, married, stay-at-home mom to a preschooler
Martissa: And I'm Martissa, a queer married, hopefully soon to be mama
Chanel: This is a podcast amplifying Black and queer presence in wellness, family building, and intentional living. Unfiltered conversations, honest experiences, and the joy of figuring it out together So
Media Clip
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Chanel: we're gonna get into our media clip where we take things that we find from the internet, music, Instagram posts, yada yada, and we share it with you guys and see what you think. So I'm going to share this Instagram clip that Martissa found, and then we'll discuss
Martissa: oK
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43: found
Chanel: is from the, the James Townsend, and I'm gonna read the caption and then kinda tell you, like, what is happening. So it says, [00:01:00] "Teaching my son the value of bravery, strength, and confidence is less about lecturing and more about providing a steady hand as he navigates his own small corners of the world.
Bravery isn't the absence of fear, but the willingness to stand up for what is right or try something new, even if his hands are shaking. Strength is often misunderstood as physical dominance, yet its truest form lies in emotional resilience, the ability to be kind when it's difficult and to keep going after a setback. By fostering confidence, I'm not telling him he's perfect, but rather convincing him that he is capable of handling whatever outcome follows his efforts. Ultimately, these lessons build a foundation
Martissa: where he doesn't just feel powerful, but feels purposeful and secure in his own skin." And so this video shows his son, who I'm not sure how old he is. Um, I would say six at the most. Would you agree,
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Yeah, I would say about six
Martissa: and he's jumping up, like doing those, what do they call them? Like,
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Those box jumps. Yeah, those [00:02:00] plyometric box jumps
Martissa: yeah, on top of one, two, three, four, five, like six real thick,
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Higher than I'm gonna go.
Chanel: Right. And so, yeah. And so, you know, and the little boy at first is apprehensive. Um, and the first time he tries, does a good job. Second time he tries, he falls, so then he gets nervous, and he, and he, you can tell that he doesn't really wanna try again.
And so the dad is just kind of encouraging him, like, you know, "Let's try again," kinda thing. Um, he sees if the kid wants him to remove one, and it seems like he ultimately doesn't want that, and so he stacks them, you know, all back up again, and the kid's taking breaths, and he ends up doing it and jumps on top and, you know.
So the whole time the dad is just kind of encouraging him, talking him through it. Um, so at the end, the, the dad is, like, super excited. You know, once the kid does it, the kid's super happy, but then he's overcome with, like, crying, and the dad is giving him hugs and just talking to him. I'm not [00:03:00] really sure what he's saying 'cause there's a lot of music, um, in the background, but you can tell that the whole interaction was, supportive.
Martissa: . So initial thoughts, Martissa?
Yeah. I'm trying to remember what I was thinking when I first put that in, other than I thought it was super sweet. I think that, like, also this piece about-- There's something, I think there's, like, a really delicate balance I can imagine as a person who does not have a child yet, but just in that preconcep- preconception phase and, like, thinking about how I want to parent.
I can imagine there's, like, a very delicate balance of, like, always wanting to come to your kid's rescue, but also realizing that, like, the task as a parent is to un- Let me use the I statements. I s- would see myself as a parent as a guider, like, as a, as a shepherd towards adulthood, right? Like, I'm creating, I'm helping to foster and steward this [00:04:00] child into having the skills that they need in order to be as resilient of an adult as they possibly can.
And so I thought there was something really sweet about that moment of being, like, both straddling the line of, like, you can do hard things and also knowing age appropriately that you have support, right? And let, like, when you can-- Like, your big feelings are, are allowed here, you know? Like, he was, he was, like, he did the damn thing, and then also, like, he was super excited, and then his, his body caught up with him, and he was like, "Oh, shit, that was scary."
And he had that, he kinda had that, like, experience, and his dad was there to, like, really hold him in that. And I thought it w- I just think it, thought it was, like, a really sweet way of showing both. Like, showing that, like... I know for me, as a person who has always really loved to move my [00:05:00] body and, like, I was a gymnast growing up, so, like, doing those hard things was something that I did pretty freely.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Um, I think that, like, something I really get excited about with having a kid is, like, also teaching my kid and being there for them to also use their bodies in the ways or see how, how far their bodies can go and do and, and all of that. So yeah
Chanel: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely agree with all that. And, um, I think, you know, my initial thoughts were like, I love how, you know, the dad is holding space and showing the kid how to hold space for all the feelings, not just the, quote-unquote, "strong ones," right? And this kid went through a range of emotions in a short span of time, which is, you know, that definitely happens.
And so I really like to see that, um, 'cause it does show children that they can have a range of [00:06:00] emotions and that all of them can be valid. And so I think that's super important. Um, and just teaching the kid a set of skills that will serve him throughout his entire life yeah, he's jumping on top of some weights, but the resilience, the trust in your body, the, trust from someone else who you might just need someone to be near for support,
like, learning what it is that he might need in order to succeed and then learning how to ask for it. Like, all of these, there's, there's so many skills to be learned in just this one, you know, situation. And, um, so I thought that was pretty cool. And then, um, and in general continuing to build that relationship and trust with his parent
Martissa: um, because that's how you're able to do that when, you know, you can kind of depend on each other and trust each other, so. And I just love seeing Black parents being able to be soft also, you
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Yeah. Yeah
Chanel: so it was one of my top faves. And it is definitely a delicate line for me, you know, personally balancing the [00:07:00] letting my child do it herself versus her, like, needing help or me being like, "You need help."
You know what I mean? "You need me to help you." So sometimes I literally, you know, will just be standing there, and then sometimes we just... I mean, I just don't have time, you know? Like, I got a doctor's appointment. I really wanna let you do this thing, but I might have to let you do this thing tomorrow instead, you know?
Martissa: But a lot of the times, if time's permitting, I, I really do try, and I can see, like, how it helps and impacts and, like, actually makes her wanna be even more independent and trust her body even more. So, um, it was just cool to see, like, someone post about that.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Yeah,
Martissa: So yeah. What's up with you?
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Ooh, girl. Ooh, girl.
Layoffs and Grief
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Martissa: Or do you want me to go first? I actually am prepared this time.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: No, I, I'll go. I'll
Martissa: Okay
Um, well, at the time of this recording, it is early [00:08:00] May, and God, there's so many things up with me right now, one of which that is kind of wholly consuming is that I got laid off from my job, so I am holding, I am holding that. I wish I could tell that full story here on this podcast, but it's too dramatic and too much bullshit that I don't, you know, I don't wanna share with the public quite yet 'cause I need another job first before I drag other people through the mud.
So, as much as I would love to, I ain't gonna do it. Um, but yeah, I got laid off my job and so I'm kind of in that like both processing and trying to figure out what's next stage of it all. But, um, yeah, that's what's been up with me. I mean, the regular it's [00:09:00] May, so the garden is doing its thing, um, which is cool.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: But travel coming up All of the things. Mother's Day coming up, all the things. But yeah, that's
Martissa: That's fine. Yeah, at the, the time of recording it's May something, 6th. So yes, and I just-- Well, also, you know, I, I don't wanna move to me quite yet, but I don't know if you mentioned, like, this literally just happened, like, within a week, you know, of this recording, so it's still very raw, very fresh. Um, but you wanna talk about how you've been holding up or how you've been kinda coping with that news?
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: I don't kn- I mean, you know, I guess this is the whole point of this podcast, right? It's like it doesn't have to be scripted. Like, it doesn't have to
Chanel: cut it if it feels
Martissa: like, know, icky
It's good. I think that like-- No, I think that like I [00:10:00] am in the, still in like the raw, the raw stages of it, uh, of it. Like, I am angry. I am-- I was telling Chanel, we had a, a quick check-in on Monday, and I was telling Chanel that I was just like, "I am feeling so disillusioned by where we're at in capitalism."
I mean, capitalism in general, but like specifically where we're at in this economic moment, um, and constantly feeling like there's some like ladder to climb or some like hill to climb. Um, and just really longing for like stability through it. Um, and also like holding the ways that like this life shift also changes my family planning timeline Um, and I don't know if it [00:11:00] will.
I don't know. We haven't had the conversations 'cause it is so new, we haven't had those conversations yet. But, like, I am anticipating a shift and like, also holding the grief of that, um, is something that I'm also just, like, sitting with right now. 'Cause I think that the part that I had not anticipated or thought about-- I actually, I had thought about it, but I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, was the longing.
Like, the actual longing and the grief of there always being a new roadblock, um, before that, right? Like, really like, "This is what I want," and every step of the way it feel- feels like there's something in between me and that, and that goal, and that desire, and this baby. Um, and so it has been nice.
Mars and I have started making some other friends in, like, that are in their kind of queer [00:12:00] preconception moments. And we talked to one, and she's been on this journey for a long time, for years at this point. And talking to her, uh, was just like a real- a really big validation of like, yeah, this sucks. Like to, to be on this journey and, like, there be roadblocks, whether it be financial, whether it be, um, just logistics, whether it be trying to find a donor, whether it be trying to, you know, whatever it is.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Like, there-- And-- But you're still holding this deep desire to parent and this deep desire to have this child with your beloved or without your beloved. In her case, she's a, she, she'll be a single mom by choice. And, um, to have this baby and to take this next step in your life and, like, there feel like there's just these external barriers to
Martissa: Yeah
Um, it's just not something I really expected, and [00:13:00] it's not something I even hear really talked about. I mean, you hear people, straight folks talking, like, from a fertility standpoint, right? Like, navigating infertility. Um, but as a queer person and that, at least as of right now, not being an issue, um, there's all these other factors that also stand in between you and your, and your baby.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: And I'm like, I wanna hear more people talking about that. And I'm like, selfishly, and I'm like, I wanna also be in community with people who are, are experiencing that too. Yeah.
Martissa: Oh, thank you for sharing that with You know.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Yeah.
Chanel: Um, yeah, I know it's not necessarily easy and
I just, I, I, I, I have my bouts with companies in general and how they treat their [00:14:00] employees. Um, and I know that layoffs are inevitable sometimes. I do understand that that's, you know, the cost of doing business. But, um, the way they're done a lot of times is really messed up and most of the times the people that I, that I'm close with, it has been done extremely unethically.
So, um, yes, I... Definitely a trigger point. But on the grief and the longing and the waiting, um, you know, only time is gonna be able to, to heal that, and I know that sucks because, like, that's literally the whole point. Um, but I'ma be with you right here every single second of the way, so you know what I mean?
Martissa: Um, whenever you need anything, obviously, and, and, and, you know, if I were to hit, any sort of powerball or anything, finances would be, you know, part of that also. Um, so yeah. [00:15:00] I mean, they can be right now, it just can't be like you need, you know, 10 Gs. That would be a little bit out of the question, so
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Right, right, right, right,
Martissa: But, you know, I I know you know that, and Yeah, so I'm just sorry. It just sucks, really, at the end of the day, so-
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: I know. That's the thing. I feel like that's the thing about grief. Like, it, regardless of what kind of grief, it's like, there's, like, quite literally nothing that can be done, right?
Martissa: Mhm.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: both of us being ... Well, I, I can't speak for all earth signs, because Taureans are very different than
Martissa: Tauruses?
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: Yes.
Martissa: Yeah
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: They're different. They're different. N- no shade. Love my Taurus beloveds, but they're different. And I feel like as a Capricorn and as a, as a Virgo, we both are very,
Martissa: Used to kind of being able to, for lack of a better word, like control the n- the components of our lives, right? Like being able to like kind of externalize our control over what's [00:16:00] happening and what we're doing and like building our lives in a l- in a lot of ways around that.
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: At least I'll speak for myself. I do. And grief is something that exists outside of any of it, right? Like it, it, outside of my influence of control, outside of like anything that I can shift or change or protect against or to, you know, any of it. And I think that it's something that I am being forced to be a student of the more I experience different types of grief through my life
Chanel: Right.
I know I keep taking these sides. It's just wow. You know what I mean? Because I, I, I really feel that and, um I don't know, you know, Mother's Day is around the corner. It's in a few days. I know there's a lot of different types of grief that can come around that time for people. Um, [00:17:00] and what I was thinking about as, actually as I was getting ready, for today, was just like, I am so thankful for all the things that I have learned as a parent, 'cause I'm like, I know I complain a lot and, and I'm still going to.
Um, but I'm really thankful of, like, in the person that I'm becoming because I'm a parent in ways that I don't think I would have been able to grow in certain ways if I wasn't. And so-- And I, and I just never, like, thought that that was the case. Like, I thought beforehand I was very reflective, you know, honest, and could like figure some stuff out.
I like to process things or at least try, you know, work toward growing. But it's like there's just certain things that have forced me to grow in other ways but on the grief aspect, like I, I'm, I'm thankful because I feel like I've reached parts of myself that I lost before. And so I was just reflecting on that, which I thought was really cool.
Parts of me that I never-- that I just didn't think about anymore. I thought I wouldn't see, you know? But on the other hand, I [00:18:00] lost parts of me that I did not count on losing, right? It wasn't choice. It's just this is just what happened and so-- And I feel like, like almost daily I grieve pieces of me.
And I wasn't expecting that, um, in this, this intensity either so I'm just like, dang, thinking about how, how they can both beat you at the same time, and it's not like I prefer one version of me over the other or this piece, you know? I just thought they would all be all the time, and I'm learning that that's not the case.
Martissa: So I definitely hear what you're saying about it, and I know it's different for sure. But just kind of being a student of grief is, is really interesting, um, 'cause it kinda just comes you don't invite it, and, and a lot of times it don't leave. So yeah, kinda
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: You did not make a place for it at your table, but
Martissa: do it its own
recording-1_2026-05-06_16-41-43 copy: your goddamn food.
Martissa: Brought [00:19:00] its own plate and everything. So like, it's like, you know... Yeah. So I get that
Kiddo Milestones & Self-Care
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recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: all right. Well, what's up with you?
Chanel: Well, um, yeah. I put on threads, but I'm still so excited and , about
About how Oakley has been in swim for, I don't know, I guess a cumulative two years maybe. But, you know, it starts off, you know, with a person or, you know, their parent, and then continues on by themselves and stuff. But she's been working on, like, trying to jump into the pool. She's been in the same, it's called Goldfish, same level for quite some time.
Um, had a lot of fear jumping in. She's done it a few times, but she-- it would, like, regress, you know? So anyway, this week she finally graduated to the next level, which is Jellyfish, which we knew she could do a long time ago, but, you know, she had to be [00:20:00] confident in her ability and everything, and it was just really cool to see.
When you see somebody work really hard at something, um, especially watching my own kid work so hard and, you know, trust herself and build up that confidence to be like, "I'm not literally saying I'm not scared anymore," like, "I'm gonna do it," you know? And understanding also, what the goal is.
Like, "We need you to jump three times, do this, roundy-round thing, get out the pool. We need you to do that three times." Understood, fully. So that was really, that was really cool. Um, and yeah. So now, you know, she'll probably be in Jellyfish for the next year, to be honest. It takes a long time, and have, uh, they have even more skills to accomplish there.
But yeah. And living in Arizona, there's a lot of pools, a lot of pool parties and all that, and I think it's, like, one of the top places, um, of, kid drowning. So it really is, important for kids to know how to swim. So yeah. And our family is full of fish, so yeah. Full of swimmers So that's cool.
And otherwise, I'm just focusing more time on taking care of, like, my [00:21:00] body internally and, um, you know, externally as well. So I didn't realize how much I wasn't putting on lotion since I became a so I... It's actually ridiculous. I, I've just been skipping. Like, I will never skip my face 'cause that's like, that's the money, but everything else I will grow, you know.
Martissa: And it's really out of
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: you just been walking around ashy for the last
Chanel: Unless I'm like... Seriously, unless I'm "Oh, I'm gonna go out," then I like... You know what I mean? Um, and go out. By go out, I mean, like, actually put on clothes and stuff. If I'm going to the grocery store, let's hit the spots and let's just... You know what I mean?
Like, in my knees and my elbows and it's, you know, it's pretty trifling, but that's what it was. So I'm regularly... But I used to be very religious about moisturizing because I have eczema and I'm like, "I will not be, like, itchy or dry or nothing." Super religious about it. Like, I would not skip it. I would do it twice a day.
And then it went to, like, me doing it almost damn near never. So now I'm like, "Let me get back to my," you know. But yeah, all that. Going to all the doctor's appointments I need to, taking care of all the things. So I, I'm [00:22:00] happy for me and proud of me because I have not been doing those things as much as I should have been.
Martissa: Um, so yeah, it feels good. And yeah, you know, I got some health stuff that I have to take care of, and that's gonna take some work, but I, I feel like I'm just looking forward to, like, doing the work, you know? So yeah, feel good about that.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: I'm super proud of you too for refocusing your energy there. Yeah. A- a- and not being ashy no more 'cause it, it just, it's not necessary
Martissa: You never notice though, right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, you just
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: I never noticed. I never noticed
Martissa: You ain't gotta worry about it. And you notice I keep my socks on at all times, I'm not about to have nobody looking at my feet like that. know what I mean? So, yeah.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: But now I'm about to be looking. I'ma be paying
Martissa: what you gonna see is socks, okay? 'Cause that's still, on, on a good day, it's, it's hard to come by for the feet. So anyway, that's
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: You don't be, you don't be [00:23:00] scratching Manny up in, at night?
Martissa: He doesn't complain
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Okay. Okay
Martissa: I mean, uh, it may, it may not. I plead the fifth. I know that there are no complaints. However, I am trying to make sure, you know, like, you know, I got the glycolic acid and everything. I'm, I'm making sure things are getting smoother on that front anyway. So
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: love... Wait, you got a glycolic acid situation for your body?
Martissa: Um, I use it mainly for like feet, knees, you know, 'cause the feet really needed some
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: I need that 'cause my feed is going through
Martissa: Yeah, and it does help. I mean, it really does. And I haven't used it in a minute, and they're still not as bad as they were, so. And I kinda alter that with the lactic acid, so
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Go ahead and drop the links, 'cause I'm sure we not the o- I'm not the only one that needs it either.
Chanel: I will, will. I've heard it hur- helps with dark spots.
Martissa: I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, I'll definitely drop those links. I'm not derm, not [00:24:00] a dermatologist, so
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: yeah, yeah. I just turn, I just changed my face, uh, d- um, skincare routine, and I'm like super excited about it. Yes, this Black woman dermatologist has this line. She been giving me ads for months, and I was like, "You know what, girl? You broke me
Martissa: Well, again, send those links. Let us know something.
It's, I think it's like Dr. Rose, MD.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: I'ma put it, I'ma put the link in the, in the show notes
Martissa: Yeah, and in, and in the messages because I would like to see. So
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Oh, do. Oh my gosh
Martissa: Okay.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Today's episode. Chanel is producing today.
Martissa: Yes
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: so go ahead, girl.
What's on Your Plate
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Martissa: We like to, we like to keep, you know, a little bit of surprise going on. So today is what's on your plate. We're talking about food, right? Food is very big in our family. [00:25:00]
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Yeah, it is
Chanel: we both... I mean, Martissa loves to cook. I love it sometimes. You know, sometimes it's doing it 'cause I feel like I have to, but I'm still gonna do it well, and I believe that meals need to be cooked with love in order to really have that certain, you know, je ne sais quoi.
But, um, but yeah. So we're gonna talk about that, and I wanna start with, okay, what's a food memory that shaped how you feel about feeding yourself or your family now? And how does that shape how you spend money on food? And I wanna talk about that 'cause I saw something recently, I think maybe I brought this up to you 'cause I was so like, where someone was like, they spend $400 a month on groceries.
Martissa: And I was like, "To buy what?" And to each their own, and also everybody has financial differences. But even when it me and Manny, even when it was just me and Manny, I couldn't do $400 a month. So I'm trying, I wanna know what, [00:26:00] you know, like the memory and then how that informs kinda how you buy food, you know?
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, $400 where? Also,
Martissa: I know
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: what y'all eating?
Martissa: I would really love to know 'cause I actually
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: be the same shit every day
Martissa: and I'm just like, yikes. So
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Yeah. Um, when I saw how much we, we spent on food, I, me and Mars both, we almost choked. Like
Martissa: I, I, I was better off not knowing, to be honest
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: That was some sick shit. That was some sick shit. And then it was the fact that we were spending the same amount on groceries that we were spending out
Martissa: For real. Wow
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Yeah, it was equal.
Martissa: Yeah
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: both of the numbers were entirely too high.
Martissa: Yeah.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: the grocery bill's probably too high. The eating out was less. Still maybe too high, but, but it wasn't... It, it, I think it's much better than it [00:27:00] has been in the past. Like, so I'm, I'm really happy about that. Um, but I've been in this kitchen, you know what I mean? So, so it damn well better be less than it has been, you know?
Martissa: Right,
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: yeah
Martissa: Mm
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: So what's the memory?
Martissa: Hmm, that's a really good question. I feel like one of my biggest food memories, like as a child was cooking in the kitchen with Grandmommy. So just for the listeners, Grandmommy is my grandmother, my maternal grandmother, Chanel's maternal great-grandmother, and so like the-- also, like the matriarch of our family, all of that. And I grew up very close to her, like, in her home most days, like most of the time. Um, and I can remember, I have, like, very [00:28:00] vivid memories of her, like, sitting me up on the kitchen counter. I can, like, see the counter so specifically, like all of that, and, like, her making dressing and her, like, needing to-- her, like, asking me to, like, break up the cornbread for the dressing or break up the, like, the stale bread for the dressing.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: And then, like, when she would add the turkey and the broth and all of that, and all the veggies, then, like, going in and mixing it up with my hands and, like, my little hands being in that dressing and, like, the texture that it would need to be and all of that. And like, you know, also, Grandmommy didn't use measurements.
Martissa: That was against her religion. You know? It was all a little bit of here and that, that you
run family.
do it. And come straight from her, because that was just-- she couldn't be bothered, and I understand because I too cannot be bothered with all, with all of that extra unless I'm, like, [00:29:00] doing something really-- like baking or something like that.
But for the most part, mm-mm. Um, but I feel like that is my, like, the foundation. I think it's very similar to me in the garden, right? It's like I have this, foundational memory of being next to her in the kitchen, being next to her in the garden, that is really, like, the source material for me of, like, my love of food.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: And, um, I think also in my adulthood, what has kinda brought me back into that in a very serious way and why I started, like, the supper club and stuff was because I was like, I actually-- my food memories are fading, right? Like, my taste memories of hers are fading, and I did not have-- I, I grief. Grief again.
Martissa: Grief also was, like, feeling like I didn't have enough time. Like, so I didn't have enough of the memories to be able to, like, last me [00:30:00] through my life. And so there's this way that I think currently, I think a lot about food, both in a health perspective, which is a whole 'nother tangent, and also, which we will get into, but also from a standpoint of, like, wanting to uncover those memories and that, that's-- those sense memories, um, from my family and those ancestral, that ancestral connection.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: Yeah. So how does that shape how you cook for your family now?
Martissa: Well I think that, like, one, it's that love piece, right? Like, it's that, like, food is its own... I mean, I always say it's like its own divination practice. It's its own, like, act of love. And I love [00:31:00] to cook for my beloveds and host and all of that, and I feel like that's directly tied to the love that I felt in coming together and, like, growing up with a family that came together over food consistently.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Um, yeah, but I also think that, like, that health piece is another big-- Like, they're kinda standing side by side with each other these days because now it's like... I can't fry, I'm not-- Well, first off, I can't fry chicken in general. Like, that's just, that's just not something that I can do. Uh, but you know, like, I'm not about to be frying, or Mars is not gonna be frying chicken every day.
Martissa: So, you know, th- there's this kinda health perspective too that has then also changed it. There's-- I have so many thoughts on this, but I know we have plenty of episode to go to, to, to dive into it.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: I can't [00:32:00] wait. And yeah, that whole chicken, that chicken situation, you know. Um, I think it might be worth mentioning.
Martissa: Yeah.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: so this one
Martissa: trauma. And my mother is the culprit
Chicken Trauma
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recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: Mars has dubbed it chicken trauma since hearing said story. I will give the short version, which is we were about 14. I came out there for a summer. Uh, we're at Grandmommy's house. We're gonna drive to Indiana to see our aunt, and we need to take fried chicken and bread apparently, because that's what they used to do back in the day, right?
Chanel: Exactly. Like them literally creating a food memory in us
Yes. Is very much like, "We did this. Y'all need to know what this was like," right? What this means for Black people, right? What the experience was. So we had it, but I don't know if they were actually frying chicken either. Like, were they the... I need, we need to ask [00:33:00] these questions.
Did they have to fry their own chicken? Okay, anyway, so we fried the chicken in Grandmommy's house, and it was just me and Al frying this motherfucking chicken. it was like, it feels like we fried chicken for hours, and we had to use newspaper to put the chicken on. It was just, you know. So we, we did the whole thing, and I feel like I smelled fried chicken for, like, the rest of my life.
Like, I actually did not fry and it was good. It was good, and it lasted us on the way and all that. I probably did not fry chicken again for years. Like, I... Yeah. And it wasn't until very recently, like the past year, where I actually really, like, started frying chicken again. Like, I would eat it if somebody else made it, mainly just my mother, 'cause I don't eat everybody's fried chicken, and most people can't do it.
Martissa: But, you know, now I'll make it every now and again. And I've learned how to make fried chicken in the air fryer with, like, that feels like it has breading, so which is a winner. You know what I mean? But either way, that's [00:34:00] that. Um, I don't know why you didn't fry chicken again or learn how to do it. I do know, I know why I didn't fry chicken again.
I do know how to do it now. I don't do it a ton 'cause of the health thing, but, and because of that fucking smell. So anyway
Yes. Yeah, frying chicken is like a, it's definitely like a commitment. It, it's a commitment. For me, I mean, Mars can tell this story better than I can, the chicken's gonna be raw, and that's just what's true. I, I, that the one thing, I saw s- I saw this thing on Threads recently that's like, "What's one, like, cultural thing, like Black cultural skill that you didn't have or you didn't get or you don't have?"
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: And, like, some people said rhythm. That's not my ministry. But frying chicken, like cooking chicken in general, like I can season that bitch up, it is gonna taste good, but I promise you every time it's gonna be raw. And so, like, I just, it... Yeah, that's really, it, yeah, it's not for me. It's not for me, but I do love me some fried chicken.
Martissa: And we eat [00:35:00] it, Mars will shallow fry it in olive oil, so like, boom. This is how we get to...
truly don't think that makes a difference. I'm just gonna say, I, I, I just don't
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: Well, so for me, it's like I don't, it's for me the issue is, is the seed oils is why I don't wanna eat fried things all the time, is because I don't want the seed oil of it all. I be feeling like it's better. If it's a, like even tallow, for example, we fry it in tallow, we fry, fry it in duck fat, I'm not tripping as much off of that.
Chanel: For me, it is the like, the toxicity of the seed oils that I'm uninterested in
Yeah. For me, it's, you know, when you eat these fried things, you know, not, I don't count calories, but they do matter, right? So the amount of times that you're eating these fried things, 'cause it compounds the calories. So you're eating a shit ton of those, and then going to sit down. You know what I mean?
Martissa: Like, you know? So it's just like, "Hmm, I gotta pick and choose when I can [00:36:00] eat that kinda thing depending on the type of movement I'm doing," especially thinking about how I need my body to function, you know? So that's more so what I'm concerned about is, like, the heaviness in my body, 'cause I do love fried chicken, right?
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: I, absolutely. And I'm gonna continue to eat it, but yeah, that would be... That's why I'm like, it really doesn't matter 'cause if it gets fried, that motherfucker is going to be heavy, right? So, like, yeah. Um, anywho. Okay, so how does that change or how does that inform the way that you, like, spend money on food?
Martissa: Mm.
You go to a restaurant, what you gonna order?
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: what I wanna eat. Like that even like, food is a, is a joy thing, you know? Like, it truly is a joy thing. So like some people, I always tell my mom, 'cause my mom comes down on me about this a lot of the time, because she don't enjoy food, and that's again, not my ministry. But I enjoy food. Like, food [00:37:00] is a deep source of joy in my life.
Martissa: Like, it would-- I would say, honestly, if, if food, if like pleasure in food was taken away from me, uh, I would say my q- my quality of life would diminish greatly. So for me, if I'm going out and I'm spending the money anyway, I'm gonna get what I want, first and foremost. Secondly, because my health is deeply important to me, when I go to the grocery store, I'm going to buy the best quality that my money can buy.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: Right
Martissa: Like, uh, for me, some people wanna buy a designer bag. I want some designer fish. Like, I want some designer chicken. And by designer I mean grass-fed, pasture-raised, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, organic, all the things, right? Like for, that's just for me where my values lie
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: Mm-hmm.
Martissa: in that, you know?
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: Yeah, I get that. Definitely.
Chanel: What about for you?[00:38:00]
The, um, when I go to a restaurant, yeah, I mean, I'm gonna order whatever looks good. Um, but I usually do have go-tos, so I'm like, "I need to see what this restaurant's talking about in this category of thing." You know what I mean? So I need to know if I, if I need to add you to my list of filet places that I can eat at, right?
Do I need to add you to my list of short rib places? So like, I be having places for certain things. Love to try new appetizers. I love trying new foods. I do have allergies, we will discuss. So that definitely makes a difference on the things that I can order and then be sick of it. I'm so sick because there's really some good shit out there and with fish that I would love to have.
But regardless, so that does change the dynamic a little bit, but I, we love to order, like, different things, try different things, try new restaurants. However, I have enjoyed more these years eating in. I just have so much more satisfaction eating inside these days 'cause I get to have exactly what I want.[00:39:00]
Shit tastes good, tastes better usually. Um, I like to go to restaurants for things I can't make, you know what I mean? So, or if it's just gonna take, you know, kind of forever thing, or just to have a little date, that type stuff, you know? But yeah, same thing with buying, you know, organic. I wanna say about 80% of the time, 'cause sometimes it's just certain things.
Martissa: Like I, for whatever reason, I feel like green bell peppers that are organic never look good. I don't know what the fucking problem is, but it's like every time I look at a green organic bell pepper, it looks like that shit has been rolling on the ground for days. And so I, for the most part, I buy regular bell peppers, you know, or I guess like non-organic, but you know, green specifically.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: The other colors always look good in the organic section, so I don't know what that's about. But, you know, so like with exceptions, you know, 'cause I'm not about to just be getting no crazy ass veggie just 'cause it says it's organic. So, um, yeah. But yeah, definitely with the meats and, you know, the dairy, trying to get a dairy that's grass-fed [00:40:00] and I, , been going on like a lower fat kind of milk thing because of the, um, what's that shit called?
Chanel: Cholesterol
Yeah, that. So trying to make sure, you know, that's good and whatnot, but high on protein, so we buy a lot of protein snacks. So you know what I mean, like all that kind of stuff. But we definitely try to buy as much, like, healthy organic stuff as possible, and that's just, I mean, shit, I think that's why the bill's so damn high.
Martissa: But anyway, I was like, then the fruits. Oh my God, the fruits. The fruits, I swear to God. If fruit-- I saw, you know, I saw on Threads the other day how many people have had a fruit bill since they had a child. I would like to raise my hand. I am a victim, um, because the amount of fruit that she eats is so crazy.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-30: And let me tell you something, I bought a bag of cherries today, and I'm sick to say this out loud. I, well, I won't be buying a bag of cherries in the near future. That bag of cherries was $10.
Chanel: Oh, and I do know that I bought a bag of cherry for $15 and I was like, "What a mi- Wait a [00:41:00] minute. Wait a minute." And then had the nerve to not eat them all before they went bad
I know. See? And that's why we got a compost, because at least I could feel some, some kind of peace about this, you know? So yeah, when I looked at that, I was like, "You're definitely gonna be the last bag of cherries I buy for a minute." We're gonna stick with these yellow mangoes, some apples, you know, the berries.
Like, this is out of control. So anyway, yeah. Um, and then a memory, I don't know. I don't think it's just one. I think in general, like, we had a lot of functions when I was growing up. My mom is pretty much the cook of the family the cook of several different families. So, so yeah, when people would come into town, they would come to her house even, even if she hadn't made anything, you know what I mean?
Thinking there was gonna be some food. So it's just like... And, and actually, a lot of times there was. So yeah, we had a lot of functions, and I think I always looked forward to them because I knew it was gonna be some good shit. [00:42:00] Um, always very much looked forward to birthdays. "What do you want?" And I would be like, "I want some steak," you know what I mean?
And mom's like-- So we were just talking about this the other day. She's like, "You guys were so ridiculous." 'Cause she's like, "I always knew exactly what you guys wanted to have." And for me, it would be steak. I want a filet for my birthday at 10. You know what I mean? Like, this is what I want it was either gonna be that or some chicken enchilada casserole that she would make or some hot wings Very simple, you know? It just depended on the way I w- I was vibing kind of thing. So, um, so yeah, I think those. And then, yeah, my mom, we-- I used to cook with her a lot and Like even now we talk, I mean, it, literally like we'll be on the, a phone, "Oh, what'd you eat for breakfast? Oh, what'd you have with it?" You know what I mean?
Martissa: Like that is regular conversation. If she sees me eating, "What are you, what, what you eating? Oh, what'd you use to make it?" Like that, it's a whole thing. So, so yeah. Yeah. It's, food has always been a central part of our family.
recording-2_2026-05-06_17-16-29: [00:43:00] Definitely.
This Week's Meals
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Martissa: Let's talk about what our food lives look like right now. Um, what's one curated thing that you ate this week, and then one well shit thing that you ate this week?
Well-curated Well, okay. So I had-- It is ramp season right now, which for anyone who does not know, ramps are wild, these, like, wild garlic. Wow. It's like a wild allium. They kinda taste like this garlicky, oniony situation. They're super prized, um, and I found them at the farmers market a couple of times. So I got some of those, and I did a, um, raw cheddar and le- uh, and, um...
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: What'd I just call them? What are they, what are they called? I wanna call them [00:44:00] leeks, but that's not what they are. Ramps. Lord have mercy. Um, I did, like, a wild garlic, or the, the ramps and raw cheddar quiche
Martissa: Mm-hmm.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: with some breakfast sausage and a little salad for breakfast.
Martissa: Nice
That was kinda my, like, curated meal, 'cause I've been out to eat I've been out to eat a couple of times.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo, so we was at the taco spot. Um, so there was that. But, uh, my oh shit meal, I was just telling Chanel, I been, I ha- I've eaten half a bag of Doritos today. I don't know, just, like, something about a Dorito. Something about a Dorito
Martissa: Mind you, this was like a big bag. This was not... And my-- And, and, and when you told me that you bought the bag, I thought it was just a regular sized bag. That's why I'm like, "Why?" You know, it's not a big deal. It's still not. I'm , I'm just painting a picture.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: [00:45:00] it was a family-sized bag.
Martissa: They must have been some good ass Doritos
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: they do it for me. They really do. about you? What you, what you do? Curated.
Chanel: I will say the past two, three weeks, I haven't been cooking as much as I usually do. I think I've been trying to balance the different things 'cause there's new things, podcasts, fairly new, you know, scheduling and stuff. And then just making sure that I'm, going to all my appointments and working out and stuff.
So as I'm balancing that, I haven't been cooking as much, but I did make corned beef this week. Um, I saw some grass-fed corned beef at Sprouts. I had never seen that before, and I was like, I... And it was just right there. And I'm like, "Well, shit." I mean, I know that, St. Patrick's Day has passed, but I will eat corned beef.
I mean, honestly, I, I, beef in general, I'ma eat it. So I got some, two [00:46:00] corned beefs, and then I saw they had this, um, it was like rose cabbage. So it wasn't purple, but it, it was like a light purple. It wasn't like the normal red cabbage, you know? So I was like, "Well, let me try that."
I got some red potatoes and some carrots, and so yeah, I set that up to cook in the morning, and then we ate it in the evening. And, um, I mean, yeah, and then Manny, like, after he ate it, he was like, "Did you, did you do something different to this meat? Because it tastes different, like, better." And I was like, "I didn't."
'Cause I did, um, around St. Patrick's Day, I made corned beef. And I was like, "I didn't do anything, but it is the grass-fed one." 'Cause last time I had to get it from, like, Safeway or whatever, and we both agreed that that did all the difference, so that shit was fire. And then one, oh shit, here you go I don't know.
Yesterday I made a, um, Oakley grilled cheese 'cause I was just like, "Look." [00:47:00] We typically will have, you know, cooked food in the evening, and then whatever we have for dinner is gonna be for lunch the next day. We try to make sure it's enough, but sometimes, you know, we have a visitor or it just did not...
Niggas was real hungry or... You know what I mean? Like, sometimes it don't have, we don't have enough. So yeah, that is what happened that day, and then I was like, "Well, shit, I gotta figure something out." We got bread, we got cheese. You know what I mean? I asked her, "You, you want a grilled cheese?" She said, "Yes."
So I'm like, "Wonderful." I added some flax seeds in there and gave her some fruit on the side, and I don't even remember what I ate for bre... I didn't eat that. I didn't want grilled cheese. I ate something else we had around the house. So that's, that's what that was, was like everybody's gonna get whatever is available.
Martissa: So, yeah, it just has to be like that sometimes,
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I love me a damn grilled cheese. Did you grow up with your mom putting like a piece of bread with some cheese over top? Some like, first off, some cheese, some butter, putting it in a broiler? [00:48:00] So she didn't get that lesson.
Martissa: No, but me and Matthew used to put like, we would have bread and then put butter and like cinnamon on top.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Oh, okay.
Martissa: Shit, that was good.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I know that was good.
Martissa: Yeah
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: up my mom putting like a little slice of cheese on top of some bread, some butter, broiling it. My God today
Chanel: What I will say is I was in the Netherlands 'cause they eat bread and cheese for breakfast a lot. Girl. And that bread and cheese is different. Now, that's what I was eating for breakfast there. The bread and you get that, that, that Gouda on top, and then you get, you know, put some butter before that Gouda.
Mm. A little soft, soft-boiled egg. Now, that's very simple, very fulfilling. Woo. So,
Nutrition: Preconception & Food Allergies
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Chanel: I wanna talk about what, like, how we are centering, what we're centering food around, right? 'Cause we are in two different [00:49:00] kinda times in our lives, obviously different families and households, but you're in your preconception phase, right?
Martissa: And so with that, for you, food plays a huge role in that. And then, you know, for me, I'm, you know, cooking for a toddler who, and a husband and, you know, everyone has their own kinda situation. But we mainly plan our food around allergens, so that would be, like, the big kinda thing. So, talk us through kinda how preconception plays a role in the way that you eat.
Yeah. I would say, I mean, it plays both a big role and not that big of a role because I had already ate a lot a bit like this before. Um, but I think it's just a little bit more dialed in now. Um, so for me right now it's like one, making sure I'm getting enough calories. Point blank period, like not skipping meals, not putting my body under undue stress and like not getting enough calories, [00:50:00] boom, undue stress.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: making sure I have enough calories is important. Making sure that I'm eating f- like soon enough after waking.
Martissa: Hmm
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: When I'm eating, it's like trying to make sure that I'm getting as balanced of a meal as possible. So like making sure that I'm getting enough fiber in each meal, enough protein in each meal, enough carbs 'cause that's, you know, carbs gets a bad name, but it's like, yo, I- you still need that to energize yourself and
Martissa: Yes.
So, um, making sure I'm getting carbs, like just really making sure and dialing in each of my plates to know that I'm like getting some veggies, getting some good fiber, getting some protein, and getting that, um, those carbs in I feel like is the biggest thing. And then there's like a few things that I feel like I've also tried to make sure I'm incorporating.
For example, is like organ meat. Organ meat is like really... I mean, it's good for you any time of your life, but during [00:51:00] preconception when you're trying to like pack your vitamin sor- stores as high as they can be, is super helpful. Um, and then also, so like the way that I've been doing that is doing the ground beef.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: The, or the ground, you know, I put you onto that, the ground ancestral blend stuff. The shit is good. It tastes
Martissa: fire. And the chicken one too
Mm-hmm. And I'll make like chicken sausages out of that one, you know, or anytime we're using ground meat, I s- I just replace it with that. Um, so then boom, you just, it's like getting an extra multivitamin in.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Um, and then, child, I would be eating oysters every week. That was the plan. But, uh, the way oysters has been getting people sick lately is a no for me. And I like them raw, love them raw, but I cannot have no[00:52:00]
Martissa: Yeah
I think it was like E. coli breakouts or something like, I don't know, something silly. I, don't quote me on that, but it was something and I'm like, "I can't be a part of that."
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: But if o- oysters weren't tripping, I would be eating oysters every week
Martissa: That's, yeah, I didn't know that about the oysters, but... And I mean, does that do something for you or you just really like it?
I really it. I do really like it, but also oysters are super high in zinc, so just, and like a mineral powerhouse, just like an overall multi-mineral powerhouse, which when I got my labs done, my minerals were pretty low, so this is like also would just be super helpful for me in general. Um, but just eating seafood and shellfish is just really, it's like one of those things for preconception.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: It's also like anecdotally, like supposed to be fer- like it's like known as like the fertility food. You know, like they s- also they say like, um, oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Martissa: I've heard that,
Yes. But [00:53:00] they also connect it to like the fertility, the fertility also. And I'm, I'm assuming it's because of how vitamin packed it is.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Like in just like little bit of serving, you're getting so much, so
Martissa: That's really cool. I didn't know that about oysters.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They're like a really cool little, little animal.
Chanel: Yeah. RIP. So, 'cause I'm sure they don't think it's cool, but, um, so for me, um, as for me in my house, yeah, we don't-- Yeah, so we, we-- I have a fish allergy, fish, like shellfish, and what, what I've recently heard is finfish. I just used to call them fish, so shellfish, finfish, all goddamn fish, I'm allergic. Um, and then most nuts. I can eat almonds and cashews, peanuts, but since I've [00:54:00] discovered cashews, peanuts now seem real mid.
So there's that. And then avocados, yeah, I, I can't really do those every now and again, but it's just real iffy. I try to stay away. And then coconuts. Those are my allergies, right? Um, my daughter has allergies as well. Fish, nuts, mushrooms, and eggs. So that has dramatically shifted the way that we eat, um, especially in terms of the way that we're able to-- 'cause my husband likes to maintain and build muscle.
Martissa: I'm trying to build muscle. Um, eggs are a really high protein source, but we don't keep allergens in the house. So, um, we have had to shift to other things like soy, which I never ate before because of the environmental impact. But it's like at some point we gotta be able to like eat certain things. And from what I've learned, um, it seems like the environmental impact is, [00:55:00] is not as connected to us eating soy, but them feeding it to animals.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Oh yeah,
Martissa: Yeah. So that's the big like carbon footprint, um, which is helpful to know. But, um, yeah, I mean-
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: the spraying of it, that's another thing. So if
Martissa: yeah
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: it's high, it's one of the most highly sprayed, um, crops.
Chanel: So the organic soy. Yeah, yeah, definitely do. Um, so I've been incorporating that, or like we have, um, and cottage cheese and stuff like that, trying to, you know, just find different ways. But in general we try to find ways to cook things that don't have those allergens. We found ways to make pancakes, crepes, French toast, all without eggs, and I mean, they taste amazing.
You find, you find out new things, you know? I, you know, cooking mac and cheese don't need egg. Like, it's just like a lot of things that we're realizing are, it's not actually required in order for it [00:56:00] to still be good. 'Cause that's the thing, I don't wanna give up and then have to eat shitty. You know?
Like, I still wanna, and I want my child to know what good food tastes like regardless. So, gotta scan labels. Like, I always read labels because in general I, I wanna know what's in my food. Um, I don't wanna have BS in there unless I'm particularly looking for it. Like, if I'm going to get candy, you know, it's gonna be what it is.
But in general, you know, I wanna see how much sugars and things. Are they, you know, creeping things in there? So I, I was already reading labels, but now I feel like I have to be extra vigilant about that, 'cause sometimes there's things that surprise you. I mean, I didn't know people did, like, egg wash on fries and it's just, like, a bunch of things that you learn, you know?
And sometimes it's like, uh, por que? But, so that is, things that we've done. But I, I very much enjoy Southern foods. Um, so I... And, and I have my whole life. I actually used to be able to eat, like, gumbo when I was younger. I could eat fish up until I was, like, [00:57:00] 11. Certain fish.
Shellfish specifically I could eat until I was 11. So, like, I couldn't eat crawfish, but I could eat crab and, like, tuna and I used to love the shit out of some gumbo with the crab legs or just crab legs with extra butter. Everybody around me knows when I get on my deathbed, that's what I want. That's the only thing I wanna have. But, my mom's made, chicken gumbo for me since I was young, and so, like, I'm doing that now too. And now, like, my daughter loves gumbo. You know what I mean? And same thing with, like, étouffée. I have never had etou- you know, crawfish étouffée in my life.
I think that's actually how they found out I was allergic. It was a fucking crawfish. So I, you know, I only know what chicken étouffée tastes, tastes like. That's all she's gonna know it tastes like. She will eat that meal the whole week. It's, like, actually really sickening. Um, and my husband is really not picky.
He'll eat anything, um, for the most part. But, he really does love fish. He's n- he doesn't really have any allergies, so whenever we're at a restaurant or he can, like, he'll order it or whatever, you [00:58:00] know, kinda thing. But that's kinda, like, what we're, what we're working with. And then just trying to stay high on protein and fiber because both of those things keep you satiated, both of those things help with blood sugar regulation, both of those things help with muscle building and, with, having, nice consistent sleep and sleep temperatures, which I'm struggling with so yeah. Trying to make sure that, like, we are able to make all those foods with those things, like, in mind, you know? So while it's still being nutritionally dense but, like, good as hell so that's, like, the balance, you know what I mean?
Martissa: Definitely
Chanel: So one thing I wanna know in terms of, like, your preconception journey and, like, you know, how you're eating, and I know you were saying that, like, you've already, ate this way. You're just dialing it in. How do you think, like, that would change in the future? Or would it change? Do you [00:59:00] think you would just become more dialed in, especially if we're thinking about, like, how the timeline is, kind of iffy?
You know what I mean? Like, you kinda just stay on this journey of, like, how you're eating until, or I don't know if you really thought about that or
Martissa: Yeah. I think it's kind of that, like it's like an indefinite situation, 'cause I think the truth of the matter is, is like the longer that you have under your belt of eating like that and, you know, taking those supplements and, you know, doing your pr- preconception protocol, the better. You know? Like, it just compounds.
It's like compound interest. You're just gonna continue to get more and more dividends out of it. So,
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Mm-hmm.
Martissa: um, that's kind of where I'm at. I mean, I'm also like, I say this in my content a lot, is like joy is a nutrient. So like being stressed about it is like not something that I'm interested in. Um, and like being overly restrictive is also not something I'm interested in.
So, [01:00:00] um, just like continuing to find balance in every, in every way.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Yeah. I really like that. Um, and I think it just helps to maintain kind of a, a consistent, like, lifestyle approach as well, you know? Especially for niggas like us who really love to eat, so, you know.
Decolonizing Healthy Eating
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recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: And I wanna ask, what is healthy eating? And I'm putting for those who are hearing, quote-unquote, "healthy eating" in Black culture. 'Cause I feel like a lot of people have opinions about this
Martissa: Yeah. I mean, yes there's a lot of opinions and I think a lot of people be like, "You gots to be vegan," and da, da, da, da, da. Like that, all of that
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: That's actually true. They really do be trying to... Yeah, I [01:01:00] know.
Martissa: They be, they be pushing that goddamn veganism, you know? Been there, done that, won't be going back. Um, but I think too, it's like, I think for me is like I... The more that I understand nutrition and the more that I understand how particular foods work and I like don't, I don't personally have a this is good food, this is bad food perspective about right?
Like that binary thinking around food I think is like, it c- for some people can be dangerous from a like just a, um, a, um, an eating disorder kind standpoint, right? Um, but I think for me, I'm just like also decolonizing this idea that soul food is unhealthy, right? Like I am actively in that because like I think that's what's interesting too is like the [01:02:00] ancestral food community that has kind of built, and when I say ancestral food, I'm really speaking to like white folks who are using this language to like talk about, I mean, truly the foundation of all of our ancestral foods, right?
Like none of us, none of us are, none of our ancestors had an industrialized food system. So they use this language as a way to be like, "Before industrialized food system, this is how we ate." And I'm like But y'all just demonized Black folks and, you know, any other folks that are not white and called our food unhealthy because of those same ways.
So I think for me, it like helped me... I have had to really like... I'm in a place where I'm like, I've decolonized this idea of healthy also.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Right. And I wanna add some, an important point here. I'm sorry.
Martissa: you're [01:03:00] good
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: because, um, this is for real. It's not just, like, what we're seeing. This market of people who are like, "Oh, this is healthy and we're gonna sell you this bone broth," or people are even selling potlikker and stuff like that.
Chanel: Like, this whole, like, wellness market is a $480 billion market, and a lot of this was based on like, yes, our ancestors and indigenous cultures, things that our, our foremothers were doing to live, right? Like, things that were passed down from generation to generation. It's not something that, these white people just made up all of a sudden.
But they are overwhelmingly the ones that are getting the profit from these things.
Martissa: And the consumerism of it also degrades access to, I mean, both environmental sustainability, but also access to those ancestral food ways for the people that it, that it originated. Like I think of, I remember hearing somebody talk about quinoa. Like [01:04:00] it was a I think, I think it was quinoa that like we were importing quinoa from somewhere over in Asia, generally speaking, I don't remember where.
Um, and we were importing it so much it was like causing the markets there that the people who actually lived and sustained with that grain no longer could afford it because we had caused the in- an inflation of it because all of a sudden quinoa was the fucking rage, right? Like there's all these holistic fads, these wellness fads that happen and they happen cyclical, right?
One day something is in, the next thing is out, you know? That kind of thing. And that has an impact culturally on the people that it came from
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Right. You wanna, yeah, you wanna talk about oxtails? I mean
Martissa: Hey
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Yeah. We used to make oxtails, [01:05:00] like, regularly, like as a, as a family, you know, with my sister-in-law and stuff, and that hasn't been on the table for, like, everybody in a minute. And it just keeps going. I mean, fucking, um, smoked turkey, right? Smoked turkey wings. You name it. So yeah, I definitely feel you there.
To piggyback on what you were saying about, you know, this being detrimental because there's so many different ways, um, on top of the things that you mentioned.
Chanel: When we start internalizing this as Black people and feeling like we can't eat the things that we love and enjoy that we are connected to, um, that it takes away from us. And I'm not saying eat fried chicken e- any, every day. I'm not saying nothing. I'm not saying what to do or not to do. I'm just saying that, like, the impact that that could have on you.
You lose recipes in that way also. And [01:06:00] yes, and the way that I've seen, like, certain people in my family, like, um, police the way that, like, their kids eat because they don't want them to be a certain way. You know what I mean? Eat a certain way, and the outcome that that has had because now this kid has to kinda, you know, binge eat on the side and, like, you know, things of that nature.
It, it's, it, it goes so deep. And so I think when we are buying what they're trying to sell us, that it can, it can, it can hurt more than just you, you know? Um, so yeah, that's what I wanted to add on that.
Martissa: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think education is actually just so critical when it comes Like, having a deep education and ultimately because the truth of the matter is, is like the science is constantly changing and the goalposts are constantly changing. So part of the education is what feels [01:07:00] good in my body?
What, what is quite literally feels nourishing to me, and what are my goals? What are my desires? What are my wants? And aligning with that, you know? Like, I think ultimately... 'Cause also what one person can tolerate, another person can't, you know?
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Mm-hmm
Martissa: So I mean, like for me, yeah, it, it's just, it's just different.
It's just different. And I think that like there is so much... I think that there's just like a lot of decolonizing work, but also just a lot of like recognizing that so much of our food, our beliefs around food, and our conversations around food, and our interactions with food are drenched in consumerism
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Yes, completely fucking manufactured. You are told what to like and what to not like. One day, fat is completely out for fucking decades, right? You need [01:08:00] fat. You have to eat it, right? And, and a lot of times in order to make sure that these other vitamins, that these vitamins are bioavailable.
Chanel: So like, yeah, of course, they're not gonna tell you that on the marketing packet, you know? And now it's like, I don't know. It... You know what really grinds my gears? When I'm buying something that says gluten-free that never had gluten to begin with. Like, I'm buying oats, bitch. Why would there be gluten in oats, right?
But it's just like, hmm, well, if you put that on there, now maybe it seems healthier, when in actuality, people, you're writing gluten-free because there are a lot of people who have this allergen, and they don't need to have it in their diet, right? It has nothing to do with being like quote, unquote, healthy or not.
I mean, some people will argue against that, but, you know, that's your business. A lot of these things are marketed to us as a society, and I like to question why it's being marketed and if that actually sits right in the way that we eat over here, and how I like to eat.
[01:09:00] And I really, like I'm working with a nutritionist, and I really like the approach of like, she's just kind of gentle with things, right? like I need to have my latte or some form of caffeine, goddammit. And, you know, I was like, "I'm willing to get rid of the milk and the sugar if I need to do that in order to make sure that like, you know, things are gonna be cool."
And she's like, "Well, you know what? I want you to like it, so why don't you try 2% instead of half and half?" And I'm like, "Well, maybe I can do that," right? "Why don't you try half sweet instead of just giving up the sugar," right? And don't, you know, we're not doing the fake sugar, so like let's just try half sweet.
I'm like, let's tinker with things, and I found my balance. It's half and half mixed with oat milk or half and half mixed with almond milk. That's a nice little creamy situation, not too much fat, you know what I mean? Like, and it's good still. I feel good about it, and I'm just like, wow, this is a nice alternative, and I'm still like r- going toward my goals, right?
So I really like that approach has been working for me. Not really cutting things out, but seeing [01:10:00] how you can work with it, right?
Martissa: use the food. You know? Food is medicine, so, make it work for you as well.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Absolutely. And like know what causes what too. 'Cause it's
Martissa: True
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Like for example, I know we had a conversation about our cholesterol numbers, right? And like trying to figure out like, okay, well, how do we need to navigate those numbers? Or, you know, whatever it is.
Martissa: Mm-hmm.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I think there is a way, it's like when you have your own research, when you do your own research and you feel confident in your own decisions, then it just gives you a level of autonomy and allows you to detach from the whirlwind of this is in today and it's out tomorrow.
Martissa: This is good today and it's bad tomorrow. You know? And it's like, 'cause that's exhausting. It's an exhausting place to be and it's quite confusing
And it's not a one-size-fits-all.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: No.
Martissa: [01:11:00] So yeah. Yeah
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: No. Yeah. We all just need to be a little bit more free when it comes to food
Martissa: Yeah. Did you, did you s- I don't think I sent this to you, but it was this one meme that was like, "They talking about de-centering men, but have you ever tried de-centering food?" And then it's the woman that's like I was like, "No," I would not be able to do it. But I thought that was very funny.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: was funny. That was funny. A- a- and it sound like some shit my mama would say, you know? But I, I, I... That's not my ministry either.
Martissa: Yeah,
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: damn
Martissa: It's, yeah.
What Are You Feeding Yourself?
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Martissa: Okay, so what is one thing that you're feeding yourself right now, literally and figuratively?
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: [01:12:00] Patience
Martissa: Hmm.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I think that's what I'm trying to be. Trying.
Martissa: Угу
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I'm trying to force-feed myself
Martissa: Jesus.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I am
Martissa: we just talked about the forcing doesn't really work that well, does it?
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: My God, I might have to blend it up with something. Put, add a little sugar to it, you know?
Martissa: Yeah, use patience as a tool. Let it walk beside you
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: My guy today. Yeah, that's, I, that's what I, I, I really am. I think I'm trying to do that is patience and surrender, which is surrender is something I've always been trying to feed myself in. Some days are good and some days are not with that, but yeah
Martissa: Okay. And what about literally? What are you feeding yourself? What's, what's just, what pops into your head where you're like, [01:13:00] "Mm"?
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: We've been talking about fried chicken this whole time. And I'm like, now I'm gonna have to have me some chicken
Martissa: That's true
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: And also I've been thinking, okay, here we go. Mars made some gumbo,
Martissa: Mm. Y'all put crab in it? Oh,
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Yes, we did.
Martissa: God
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: It had crab, it had shrimp, it had Andouille sausage, it had okra. It was bussin'. Bussin'. And, but it was something about having okra in that gumbo that had me being like, "Oh, I need more okra in my system." Like, I have not eaten enough okra. And then also on top of that, my okra seedlings are doing so well, and I'm like, "A bitch might be in okra this summer."
Martissa: So I feel like I'm so excited.
That's
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: so
Martissa: so cool. That's so cool. And you gonna have to [01:14:00] send me pictures of those too
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Oh yeah, I will
Martissa: Okay
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: are you, what are you feeding yourself?
Martissa: Um, the figuratively, I think discipline. I need it in order to reach the goals that I have. I think I've been a little bit lax about certain things, um, which was great, but now, yeah. And I just keep womanfesting it, really trying to work toward it and womanfesting discipline every chance I get. So, um, and then Yeah, I'm also working toward this gluteus maximus
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm
Martissa: yeah, that's an important factor.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: And, you know, let's, let's go back to the beginning of this conversation when you said you saw that thing on Threads. I was like, is there something you missed, you know, as
Martissa: Oh, yeah. Skill
know where [01:15:00] the Ash train was when I was born But I'm pretty sure it missed, missed a stop. So I'm to sure that I get on it. Um, so yeah, that is definitely what I'm trying to feed myself. Um, and then food-wise
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: So what are you feeding the ass is the question.
Martissa: Oh,
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: ' Cause food-wise, you feed the ass through the food. Well,
Martissa: absolutely, yes. But yes, you know, I'm doing RDLs, you know? You asking that kind of question? Oh,
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Oh, but yeah, both.
Martissa: Okay. Doing RDLs. I'm doing the pull-throughs, hip thrusts. I'm really-- I have to do bilateral workouts right now 'cause of my pelvic floor, so when I get to the point where I trust myself again, then I'll do the, um, Bulgarian split squats 'cause I know those really work, and then the step-ups, 'cause those were really working for me, like, before in general.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Um, so, so anyway, that's what I'm doing there. Um, just getting all my steps in. You would [01:16:00] be, you would be real proud. These step count has been... I'm gonna send you a screenshot because I'm like, "You know what? This gentle minimum..." And let me tell you something, 'cause that nutritionist, again, I had three days a week where I was like, "I'm gonna do 7,000 steps.
Chanel: The rest of the days, I mean, it's gonna look like what it does." She was like, "Why don't you have a gentle minimum?" And I'm like, "Do we really need that, right?" You know? She's like, "Well, if you go past 5,000, it will be considered not sedentary." And I'm like, "Well, nobody wants to be sedentary, so..." But then as soon as I started doing that gentle minimum, it's like the, everything has increased, like, step-wise.
So it's like, you know, your body just gets used to finding ways to move. So I'm really appreciative of that.
Love it
Martissa: so anyway, yeah, there's that. And then as far as food, you know, I have in the past probably two years really started cooking greens for real. I didn't like them growing up, so I'm, I'm, I'm making up for lost time.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: I thoroughly enjoy them now. Uh, we were at Sprouts earlier. [01:17:00] I bought some greens, and Oakley's like, "What are you buying those for?" 'Cause I'm making greens at some point this week. I don't know what day, but I know that we keep, um, smoked turkey on deck in the fri- in the freezer. I got the greens. Now it just depends on the day, you know, whatever day I feel like doing that.
Chanel: Um, so yeah. And I just, I thoroughly enjoy them. I thoroughly enjoy the potlikker. I usually don't have enough potlikker left because I be drinking it all, so, you know, in order to freeze. So that's really annoying. So I might need to make, like, a really big batch 'cause yeah. Um, yeah. I
me some greens. Ooh, I'm about to make some greens
Martissa: am gonna make that cornbread too with the cracklins in there 'cause I got the cracklins.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: So yeah. Um, I can't wait. But that's pretty much that. And then, yeah, I mean, I, you know, on my plate I'm trying to prior- I'm trying to center my plate around fiber and protein instead of carbs 'cause in the morning I usually would center it around carbs. Still definitely having carbs, super important. But in order to make sure that I feel, like, full [01:18:00] and that my muscles are getting what they need, um, and my energy levels, that's what I'm doing.
Chanel: And it seems like it's, well, seems like it's working. I mean, it's only been a few days, you know, but... So yeah. I'm very excited to see, like, what that looks like moving forward. But yeah
I love it. I love it. I'm about to go make me a pot of greens. Like, that's actually
Martissa: ' Cause the colors were looking really good. I was like, "I don't know where the hell they got these from, but I'm gonna have to go ahead and grab them." So
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: I tried, you know, I tried to make them mustard greens, what was it? Last month. I texted you and them, it had them bugs in there
Martissa: Yeah
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: So I do need a redo, 'cause I need that mustard in there, you
Martissa: I know, right? I have to go to, um, to Lam's to get the mustards, but I got my collards, got my kale, so I can't wait. And then I have some tomatoes in the garden that are ripening, so I'm literally just biding my time, which obviously I won't be putting in the greens, but I assume, I, I've just really been looking at these like, "This is going to [01:19:00] nourish the fuck out
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: You know?
Chanel: of the greens.
Martissa: on top of the greens
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: I don't want that. That's some shit that grandmommy passed down to y'all, and I appreciate that, but it's not what I like. So, my mother likes to put raw tomatoes on beans. It's just not, it, it doesn't do nothing for me. And raw onions.
Martissa: so sorry. The raw is, is not necessarily favorite, but I could probably get into it. I ain't tried it yet. But that
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: So I'll taste some onions and I would put it on there maybe, but
Martissa: That tomato. And then 'cause Grandma used to put the... Now I'm giving away the secrets. Used to put the cornbread on the bottom, you put them greens on top, then you get that fresh, but you gotta go and grab the tomato out the garden and put tomato on top of that
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: What I can do is try it with a tomato in the garden because that was not tried before, and then I'll let you know for sure. Otherwise, these tomatoes will have other uses. So, and I'm fine with that. But [01:20:00] yeah, I'm very excited 'cause what I didn't know is that it takes tomatoes three million years to ripen. they will be, they will look between green and red for like weeks, and I'm just like, "Um, am I doing something wrong?" So
Martissa: Oh my gosh. Okay.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: that's that. Anything else you wanna add to this conversation before
Martissa: No, I feel like we're gonna do multiple of these. Like the food conversation, I feel like food is something we can talk about like forever, you
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Absolutely. Yeah. And we wanted to bring this to you guys because food is really important to us. Um, you know, yeah, we do both garden, but we are both very much, you know, like we mentioned, into cooking and hosting. Um, and our family is just really centered around gathering and fellowship with food and everything.
Martissa: Um, and then there's just, you know, so many different avenues. So if y'all have any questions about the food things, you know, that we're into, recipes that we mentioned, [01:21:00] um, allergy stuff, anything like that, we'd be happy to answer. Um-
Outro
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recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19 copy: Slide into our DMs. And while you're in our DMs, go ahead and follow us at Kinfolk Unscripted on Instagram, Substack, YouTube, all the places, so that you can make sure that you're staying up to date
Chanel: Yes. And if you have the time, please go ahead and rate us and, and follow us on anywhere you can find podcasts. So
Martissa: but only give us a five star. I don't want no shit else.
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Not interested?
Martissa: All right, Kin. We will see y'all in two weeks
recording-3_2026-05-06_17-51-19: Okay, bye