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Becky Mollenkamp Good morning, Faith. How are you?
Faith Clarke That's a great question. Let me check in.
Becky Mollenkamp I know I forgot I can't ask Faith "how are you" because you like to be very honest, which I appreciate very much. And I know we only have a limited time, so maybe instead of asking "how are you," here's what I'm gonna ask instead: What's on your mind that we want to talk about?
Faith Clarke I'm gonna answer. Yeah. I love a specific question. My son is on my mind. My oldest with autism—today's his birthday, and I was induced. Every year I rehearse birth stories with my kids on their birthday. But I think today's also International Day to End Violence Against Women, or something—the beginning of a period of activism that goes into December worldwide.
So this reflection on violence... I had a client last year, a nonprofit organization in Jamaica. Their work was about gender-based violence, and I had the opportunity to think about it a little bit. Perhaps even to think about it in relation to how I want to protect my kids.
Today, I'm thinking about my son, about a post I want to write about violence—not just violence against women, but violence as a response to fear and anger in our bodies. Fear and anger are both normal human emotions. Violence, this intent to harm, isn't necessarily something that shows up as physical abuse; it's something we all are at risk of perpetuating.
It's important to me because it's really easy for my self-righteousness to "other" people who end up in violent situations or who perpetuate violence. To say, "It’s them and their problem. They're the deviants. I am different." Especially in our context of feminist founders and our businesses, it's super easy to say, "Because we're in this group, we are not them."
And that is the absolute guaranteed way for us to perpetuate the same things that we are stepping away from.
When I think about my son, I think about his vulnerability to violence, to being harmed because of his multiple marginalized identities, because of his disability. I’m asking myself and asking us as business people: What do we believe about fear? How are we managing it in ways that help us own our vulnerability to being perpetrators of violence? What do we need to do with ourselves and in our businesses?
Anyway, I'm flipping over to you. I think as women, we both experience a fair amount of fear and anger about the systems, about people.
Becky Mollenkamp Especially right now, with the election of Trump, all of us are feeling it more acutely, especially as white women. That's the perspective I obviously come into the conversation with—as a white-bodied person.
It’s been an important conversation since the election, this reminder that I have this threat, this feeling of potential violence that I haven’t experienced before. White women in general are feeling the "sweet of it," and the reminder from Black women who are saying, "Welcome to it."
It only seems acute when it’s ours. That feels aligned with what you're saying—white women wanting to separate ourselves, othering ourselves from "those white women" who voted for Trump. "No, I’m one of the good white women." That keeps us really problematic.
It’s so important to get to the place of saying: I can’t continue to say, "Those white women who voted for Trump." It is white women who voted for Trump, and I am a white woman. So what does that mean? How do I recognize I am not "other" from that? I am that, even if I didn’t vote for Trump. What’s my responsibility because of that?
Faith Clarke And I think when we think about violence against women, we also have to think about our own violence against ourselves. Where are we complicit? Anything I’m doing to myself, I’m quite willing to do to others.
So this whole "what's Faith's violence against Faith self?"—this perpetual not drinking of water. I don’t want to be minimalistic, but you know what I mean. There’s a way that I will abandon myself, and then I’m going to judge you the closer you get to me.
If you’re working in my business, and my business is how I feed my children, then when the rubber hits the road, I’m going to expect self-abandonment from you too.
Violence thrives in the dark. When we hide it, when we suppress those thoughts, we don’t access collective wisdom. And collective wisdom is the place where we can protect each other.
Becky Mollenkamp That’s the emotional labor of this work. Constantly listening, checking it, and tending to my body as it goes into those conditioned defenses.
I think that’s what I’ve been doing alone. I’m examining it, but I’m doing it alone. I don’t think I’ve realized the ways I’ve masked in my oppressor identities. All of that masking is violence on myself.
The work I’m doing internally—can I bring it outside? That feels scary, but also exciting.
Faith Clarke It’s all about safety, right? Safety to unmask, to be witnessed. And the solution is self-love and loving community. When I belong with you and to you, you look out for me. And I think that’s what we’re craving.
Becky Mollenkamp I’m excited to keep this thread going. What does it mean inside workspaces? Whether you’re a business of one or have a team—where are you allowing violence to yourself or others? I think there’s so much more here, and I can’t wait to talk about it more.
Faith Clarke There’s the how much we work, there is how we work, and of course, how we respond to how the other works.
Becky Mollenkamp Mm. Right. Yeah. So maybe next month, maybe some other time—or maybe you on one of your solo episodes for the private podcast feed—but I want to continue that thread because this has been really great for me. It’s encouraging me, and I hope everyone else, to ask: What work am I willing to do out of the shadows? Where can I do that with safety?
And, not to be too salesy here, but I’ll finish up by saying: These are the kinds of conversations we’re going to be having all year in the private podcast feed for our paid subscribers. We’re going to talk about what we’re thinking about and how it applies to business and our relationships.
If you’re interested in that, make sure you upgrade before the end of the year because rates are going up in 2025 as this partnership officially gets underway. My hope is that the community events we’ll be hosting monthly for our paid community will give us a place to explore some of this—like, what does a violent-free community experience look like? How do we create spaces where people can explore these issues in safety, in collective vulnerability, and with witnessing?
Faith Clarke Yep. All the good stuff.
Becky Mollenkamp Thank you for this conversation, Faith.
Faith Clarke Thank you.