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It takes a village to raise a child. We’ve all heard this old saying, but it’s absolutely true; community is vital in every person’s life. We were never meant to do life alone. But how do you include your mentee in your community? What does it look like to help them develop their own community? In the final installment of our Pillars of Mentoring series, Zach and John Barnard talk about these questions as well as the three areas of community and the three I’s of what community even is.
Show Notes
It takes a village to raise a child. We’ve all heard this old saying, but it’s absolutely true; community is vital in every person’s life. We were never meant to do life alone. But how do you include your mentee in your community? What does it look like to help them develop their own community? In the final installment of our Pillars of Mentoring series, Zach and John Barnard talk about these questions as well as the three areas of community and the three I’s of what community even is.
Reach out to John:
john@middleman-ministries.org
Check out Middleman Ministries:
https://www.middleman-ministries.org
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Reach out to John:
john@middleman-ministries.org
Check out Middleman Ministries:
https://www.middleman-ministries.org
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others you can mentor.
Speaker 2:Mentors and mentoring leaders, Zach Arcey here with the You Can Mentor podcast. I got 3 things that I would like to ask of you today. Number 1, if you are a mentoring organization and you would like to be on our podcast or learn more about the best practices of mentoring, please reach out to us, www.youcanmentor.com. You can send us an email, zach@youcanmentor.com, or stephen, that's with a p h, at youcanmentor.com. You can also find us on social media.
Speaker 2:Give us that DM, and we'll get back to you. We just wanna get to know you, and we wanna learn more about what you're doing in your communities to advance mentoring. And we believe that interaction leads to innovation. So let's work together and advance the team in through mentoring. Number 2, if you know of someone who would benefit from the You Can Mentor podcast, please share our podcast, share our information with them.
Speaker 2:That would be super helpful. And then lastly, if you could rate our podcast on Apple Podcasts, give us that 5 star. It will help spread the word about mentoring and the You Can Mentor podcast. Because we really do want every mentoring org in America who is trying to make disciples through mentoring to know about us. We wanna get to know about them so we can learn from them and work together to help kids reach their full potential.
Speaker 2:So that's what I got. Please do those things. Reach out to us. Share and rate. Appreciate you.
Speaker 2:You can mentor. Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. Zach Darzee here with our final installment of the IPC identity, purpose, community pillars of mentoring series with my man, John Barnard. John, say hi.
Speaker 3:Man, I am just mixed emotions this morning because I'm excited for us to be able to talk about community, but I'm also just thinking about the eternal world words of Belbeth DeVoe. It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Speaker 2:I would sing that song, but I think I'm getting it confused. It's so hot. No. That's yeah?
Speaker 3:No. I think that was it.
Speaker 2:I I get it confused with a song by Boyz II Men.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man. I get that wait. Hold on a second. To say goodbye to tomorrow? Hold on.
Speaker 3:Let me you know what? Correction.
Speaker 2:Is it boys to men?
Speaker 3:Dude, it's so hard to say goodbye yesterday is boys to men. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Devon DeVoe is poison. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's That girl is poison.
Speaker 3:Yes, dude. And that that's for a different time.
Speaker 2:Dude, we're showing our age right now.
Speaker 3:Hey, man. That was my class song. It's not poison.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But so hard to say goodbye. Do you remember what your class song was when you graduated high school?
Speaker 2:Yeah. It was that closing time. No. It was that, like, it was that, like, some it was that, like, the graduation song where that guy, like, spoke words over, like, a cool beat. Vitamin c.
Speaker 2:Maybe. And it was like, be sure to pet your dog. Your dog will give you Yeah.
Speaker 3:What you need. The graduation music in the background.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:I think that was that. We might need to fact check that too. But Man,
Speaker 2:why are we talking about this?
Speaker 3:It's pretty on the nose.
Speaker 2:Yeah. We're supposed to be talking about mentoring.
Speaker 3:Hey, man. Let's instead of looking back, let's look forward. I feel like I already failed us just not getting voice to men. Right?
Speaker 2:The listeners, guys, we're sorry.
Speaker 3:We're just gonna start over right now, but not start over. There's that 15 second button. 15 seconds. 15 seconds.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Okay. So let's let's just recap, John. What have we been talking about these last is it is it 6 weeks, 5 weeks?
Speaker 3:I thought it was, like, 6 months. No? This is hey. We've been talking about identity, purpose, and community and how we all just need these things. We're all kinda made up of these things.
Speaker 3:We're all in the search for. Right? Man, who am I? What am I here for? And and who do I need to live life with?
Speaker 3:Why? Why do I have this highly formed identity? Why do I why is it important to know kinda what I'm built for? Because we're we're here to serve others. We're here to live in community.
Speaker 3:And so that's what's so cool about this morning to be able to talk about it. And as you remember, we've been talking about within the context of second Samuel chapter 9 when David was able to really have his identity purpose and community so well formed that he was able to give to Mephibosheth in such a great way.
Speaker 2:Yep. The first two weeks, we talked about the head and the heart. We talked about gaining knowledge, but also really truly believing it and having that play out into our day to day actions. We talked about the hats that a mentor wears. We talked about identity, which is who you are.
Speaker 2:We talked about purpose, which is what? What you do. What you do. Yeah. And then today, we're finishing it off with community, which is who you do it with, who you're surrounding yourself with, the people that are most influential, most important in your lives because we can't do this thing alone.
Speaker 3:That's right. We were never meant to. So so yeah. So let's let's just
Speaker 2:like, I feel like this is, like, game 7. Like, I feel like this is 4th quarter, 4 minutes left of the Super Bowl. Like, we're we're gonna finish this thing today, John.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man. But, you know, the interesting thing is I feel like there's also a bit of like, this is our victory lap. You know what I mean? Like, man, the the battle's been won. You know?
Speaker 3:And we're we're handed the checkered flag to kinda make that last victory lap around the track.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Potentially. Okay.
Speaker 3:You're saying no. This is we're not done.
Speaker 2:We haven't crossed the finish line yet, bro. So okay. So let's let's talk about community. And one just John, tell me tell me why this is important to you. And I know that didn't sound like a question, but it was.
Speaker 2:So tell me why that's important to you.
Speaker 3:Hey, man. To me, this is everything, to be honest with you. Because as we mentioned, if the identity is who and if the purpose is kind of how and what, then, man, you know what community is? Let me just let me rephrase that. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:Identity is who? Purpose is what? Then then community is truly how. It really is how I flesh out and how I work out who I am and and what I'm supposed to do. It it's everything.
Speaker 3:We were just talking earlier, and, you know, as I was driving up even this morning thinking about this idea of leadership and just how important it is, leadership is a really funny thing, though, because it can really be considered kind of in 2 ways. I think that, like, the immature leader is really kind of full of himself or herself. I think it's all about them. They're always kind of thinking there there there's a high level of self awareness, maybe even self consciousness about them because they are the leader, they are the the representative of this thing, and so they're always kinda mindful about everything that is about them. Well, I think you also get to a certain point in leadership when you realize, wait a minute, It's not just about me being perceived as a certain way.
Speaker 3:It's not just about me, period. It really is about the fact that as my leadership grows, it means that I have a higher influence over many, or I have a better ability to to lead and and ultimately to serve, because ultimate leadership is really about ultimate service. Right? We look at Christ's example of that. And so that's the beauty of this is that our identity and purpose are really kind of fully developed within a high level of community.
Speaker 3:And I think that community is not always easy to really understand in its fullness and then to experience as well. Right? Because how often does community get get spoken about, you know, especially in the church world? It just it does. Right?
Speaker 3:We we wanna, you know, we wanna seek community. We wanna serve our community, and sometimes that can be such a generalized or universal statement that it's important to understand we have specific community, right, in our lives and and and then to be able to say, but who is our real community? Sometimes we can kinda cherry pick what we want that to be or or how we want that to play out. But as we're going to discuss today, it's important to really have more of a comprehensive view of community and understand that, man, it is a it is a wonderful shaping component of our faith when we when we really are living out community to the fullest.
Speaker 2:There's that saying, if you wanna go fast, go alone. If you wanna go far, go together. And I just believe that it is impossible, and I know that that's a strong word, it's impossible to become the most like Jesus by yourself. The Bible's pretty clear about a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken. The Bible's pretty clear about living a life in community, how you need people to kinda point out that speck in your eye, maybe even it's a log in your eye.
Speaker 2:You need people to call out, hey, man. You might not know this, but here's how you're making me feel. Here's how you're making other people fear feel. Here's what you're giving off every time you walk into the room. As much as we wanna be self aware, as much as we want to truly know ourselves, we have to have the perspective of other people to truly get a sense of how others are experiencing us.
Speaker 2:And this isn't just for the mentee. Yes, we are going to talk about why community is so important for your mentee, but it's also just as important for you as the mentor. It's important for anyone who's following Jesus Christ because we are just not going to become all that he has for us unless we submit ourselves to this process of community. It's messy. It's hard.
Speaker 2:It doesn't really make sense. You can't say a plus b equals c, but community is vital to a healthy, flourishing relationship with Jesus. And walking out your identity, walking out your purpose, you need people to help you. That's what's so crazy about this world is we all need each other in one way or another. For sure.
Speaker 2:So whenever we talk about community for mentors and for mentees, so you as a mentor, you can't give what you don't have. If you don't think community is important, then you are for sure not going to emphasize that to your mentee. If they see you going alone, if they see you not hanging out with other people, if they see you not asking for help or not asking for advice, they're not gonna do it either.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Because they tend to become what they see. So community is relationships. And as we all know, relationships are hard. Absolutely. It's a struggle to love your neighbor, to truly have the humility to say, I think I'm this, but maybe I'm not.
Speaker 2:To ask the question, how are other people experiencing me? To be unified, to collaborate with other people, to openly say, hey, my way might not be the best way. John, why don't we hear about your way? And then to say, yes, your way is better. Let's do that.
Speaker 2:To be selfless, to give your life to others in the name of of service, all of these things are extremely difficult. Absolutely. And this is what's so crazy is you're gonna do this for the rest of your life. If you're 8, you need community. If you're 18, or if you're 80, we will always need other people.
Speaker 2:We can always grow in service. We can always grow in humility. There isn't going to come a day whenever you say, you know what? I don't really need to run this idea. I don't really need to have people speak into my life because I'm I've made it.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. That day's never gonna come.
Speaker 3:No kidding.
Speaker 2:So this this idea of community, it works today, tomorrow, and forever. So kinda crazy.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. And, I mean, obviously, scripturally. Right? We know the importance of it because as even Jesus said, you know, whatever you've done to the least of these, you've done to me. And so when we think about that, like, the hardest to love is how we're loving God.
Speaker 3:And that's that's really a mind blowing lesson that the Lord teaches us, which is to say, in one way, I think of it this way. I think that God is easy to love. You know why? Because he's perfect. Right?
Speaker 3:Because he's faithful, because he loves us unconditionally. There it's very easy to see why God is lovable. But then the flip side of that is when he says, oh, but wait a minute. It's not actually just about your love for me because, in fact, how you love me is determined by how you love others. And that that's really where it gets tricky.
Speaker 3:And just as you mentioned, you're always in need of community. And the funny thing is community is really never perfected on earth when you think about it because there will always be struggle. There will always be time when there is unhealth, where there are issues to deal with, when there's conflict. It will always arrive. There's there's always there will just always be people that annoy us.
Speaker 3:Right? And so this is why it's so important that as a mentor, we get to the place where we have so much margin that as we relate to others, we can continue to give. And David shows us the best example of that is why. And that's and that is that is really why we looked at him and how he relates to identity, purpose, and community because what I think is most impressive is what David offers in the area of community to Mephibosheth.
Speaker 2:So for those of you guys who don't know, Mephibosheth, kinda down on his luck, didn't have much going for him, was just kinda hanging out. David calls him into his presence, gives him identity, tells him who he is, doesn't focus on what he's not doing, but he focuses on who he is and who the the Lord has called him to be. He gives him a purpose. He gives him a job. But those 2 things are I don't wanna say they're one off events.
Speaker 2:But then what he does, thirdly, is a consistent thing. He has a seat at his table for him, and that's a day in and day out. Like, that's a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday type deal.
Speaker 3:No kidding.
Speaker 2:And so that, in my opinion, is probably the most difficult because it's a I mean, this isn't a one time thing. It's a it's a day after day event that's gonna cause David to have patience, to have perseverance, to invest, all of these things. So can you share how David's relationship with Mephibosheth, what he does to empower him through community?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Just as you mentioned, that's the really the beauty of this is that I think it's easy to think about someone who has much to be able to be generous, to give, to say, look. I'm gonna reinstate who you are. I'm also going to be able to supply you with what you need to live out your identity and purpose. Answer me this real quick.
Speaker 3:You and I have a chance to go see who who are we gonna go see live in concert? Who would you just be really excited to see right now in a live show? Who's what band? What what musician?
Speaker 2:Oh, geez.
Speaker 3:Who are we gonna see? I mean Besides Avril Lavigne. Right? Avril Lavigne.
Speaker 2:Let's just say we're gonna go see you 2.
Speaker 3:Alright, man. Listen, you and I we we go get, you know, front row seats to you 2, and we're enjoying this concert. And then mid concert, this is when Bono looks at you, right, makes eye contact, pulls you up on stage, you know, and you get to to jam out, and you get to sing along with
Speaker 2:Where the streets have no name?
Speaker 3:Where the absolutely. We should go back to way, you know, Joshua Tree, Radlinham kind of era YouTube, for sure. You know, that would be all well and good. Maybe he gives you the set list of the night and then sends you on your way. That's kind expected.
Speaker 3:But imagine that Bono says, hey, listen, man. Now I want you and I. You know, you're gonna join us on the on the bus because we've got you know, we're gonna be in Minneapolis tomorrow night. And so from then on, man, you are the 5th member of you too. Right?
Speaker 3:Like, that's that's community, living on the bus, doing sound check, live performance every night. That's that's the beauty of of real community. It says, I wanna invite you into my world at the at the deepest level, and you have access. You know?
Speaker 2:It's not an event. Community is not an event. It's a day in and day out process. It's a, hey, every day you're gonna see me. Like, I I think about a mentor, and I think about, hey.
Speaker 2:Like, we can go get ice cream once every 2 weeks. But if you invite your mentee into your home each and every day, they're gonna watch you fold the laundry. They're gonna watch you cook dinner. They're gonna watch how you talk to your kids. They're gonna watch how you treat your spouse.
Speaker 2:They're gonna watch all these things, and that is going to be so much more transformational than an event. Absolutely. And that is true community, and that is difficult to do. To create margin to do that in the midst of everything that we have, work and family and jobs and, I guess, jobs and work, same thing, but that's hard to do. But that's exactly what David did.
Speaker 3:That's what David does with Mephibosheth, and that's really kind of the the also the light bulb moment to think about. Wait a minute. David, You just gave Mephibosheth, like, leadership of of all these lands and all these people. How in the world because remember, Mephibosheth has lived his entire life from age 5 in hiding. He has not been responsible for anything.
Speaker 3:He's had no leadership. He's had no management training whatsoever. But David hands him over the keys to the city in essence. Right? But the beauty of it also is that David hands over himself to say, look, I am a good leader.
Speaker 3:And so what you're going to have the benefit of as you learn how to do this, this on the job training, you're gonna have access to me on a daily basis. And so I'm gonna hear about the struggles that you're going through, be able to give advice, and we're gonna have this this type of relationship.
Speaker 2:And that sounds a lot to me like Jesus because he asks us to do these things. And I'm sitting there, and I'm like, lord, I don't know how to do any of this. I don't know how to make disciples. I don't I don't know how to be patient. I don't know how to love my neighbor well.
Speaker 2:Heck, I can barely even love my kids well. Like, how the heck am I gonna do all these things? And he just says, I will be with you. Yeah. And it's like, hey, look, Zach, whenever you come to a crossroads, whenever you don't know what to do, I'm here, and you can lean on me, you can rely on me, you can depend on me.
Speaker 2:And that's ultimately what we want is to depend on Jesus. And what a great opportunity we have as mentors to be able to be depended on. As we depend on Jesus, the mentor can depend on us, and we can help be the bridge between them and Christ. And we can we can do all of that stuff. For sure.
Speaker 2:Alright. Well, let's hop into this. Okay? So, today we're gonna talk about the 3 areas of community. We're gonna talk about mentors, friends, and church.
Speaker 2:And then we're gonna talk about what community is. We're gonna talk about how community is you know what? I'm gonna hit pause. I'm just gonna leave that hanging there so that our listeners will just be left on the edge of their seat. Wow.
Speaker 2:It's just I'm not gonna y'all stay tuned because it's coming. But first, let's talk about the first area of community. And there's a book by John Townsend called People Fuel that I like a lot. It talks about the types of people that you need in your life. Pick up that book, search Apple Podcasts, and you might be able to find it.
Speaker 2:But that is my favorite resource on community. But here, John, we're gonna focus in on 3 things, and the first one is mentor. So why why are mentors important when you think of community?
Speaker 3:Well, mentors, specifically, this relationship, I think that I believe you and I know pretty well this resource, the mentoring projects handbook mentoring handbook, and I really love that resource. That's something that you can find out there as well. But I really liked that they identified the the mentor as one who leads from the side. So when we think about that as almost one who disciples. Right?
Speaker 3:So as we go along, as we as we live our life, we kinda get a differentiation between maybe as as a pastor or a shepherd would, you know, stand before a congregation in a way, maybe even over to as as in that, being an authority. We think that the mentor and we really see this this wonderful relationship that we get to have with the mentee as, hey. Listen. I'm living my life. You're living your life.
Speaker 3:I may be a little bit more beyond you in years and experience, and and maybe I've got some wisdom to share, but I wanna make myself available to you. And that's really the beauty of what a mentor can do, and I think that's also a really good qualifier because people think, well, wait a minute. What do I need to, you know, to even call myself a mentor? Like, I would say this. I think you just need to have a couple of days of life under your belt, you know, and be able to understand the difficulty of, of what life can bring and the knowledge that that God loves you and and that he has a plan for you.
Speaker 3:And so that is really what we get to do as mentors to
Speaker 2:a mentee. And I'm a big believer that we, as mentors, we need to have people in our life who we consider to be our mentors. Yes, we are supporting our mentee. We're picking them up when they fall down. We are their fan club.
Speaker 2:We believe in them. But who's doing that for you? And so I think it's a vital part of your growth as a human being trying to fulfill their potential. Who is your who is your Abraham? Who is the person that you're following?
Speaker 2:Who's investing into you so that you can do that 2nd Timothy 2 2 type thing? Someone's investing into you, you're investing into someone else. And so, the first area of community that we're focusing in on is mentors Right. Which, obviously, this podcast is called You Can Mentor. We like mentors.
Speaker 2:Mentors are good. Yay, mentors. Next up, we're talking about friendships. So why don't you talk about that, John?
Speaker 3:Yeah, man. I mean, obviously, these are people that you're spending time with. When you think about your friend group, it often is kinda dictated or at least influenced by just the stuff in life that you in life that you enjoy. Right? I mean, how many friendships did you kinda get started in your own life because you liked a sport.
Speaker 3:Right? For me, you know, growing up with the community of of skateboarder, right, it began with that identity of, like, I am a skateboarder. Therefore, I ride a skateboard. So what do I get to do? At times, I get to kind of be out in the world, and I get to see somebody who also does what I do.
Speaker 3:And I can tell that because maybe they're wearing a a skate shirt or maybe they're wearing skate shoes. Right? Go over that person. But that's really where where the rubber meets the road. That's in community where you say, oh, man.
Speaker 3:You know what? You like the stuff that I like, and we just kind of enjoy each other's presence. We kind of get to influence each other. We get to spend time with each other, encourage one another, spur one another on if it's an activity. You know, you found you ever have you ever initiated a relationship with or a friendship with someone who enjoys what you do and you find that the thing that you enjoy doing, you become better because of them?
Speaker 3:Just just in being able to kinda see how they do it or or have them speak into you. Sure. And that's that's kind of the beauty of friendship. That's when it's really when it's firing off cylinders in that way. So, obviously, this is so important for us to have quality friendships, relationships that build us up as opposed to, you know, overly criticize or make make life any any more difficult than it already is.
Speaker 2:I'm a big believer that you are who you hang out with. You know, if you're mentoring a teenager, if you've got 10 friends and 9 of them are smoking weed, it's gonna be really hard for you not to be tempted by that. It's just truth. Like, you could be the best person in the entire world. Peer pressure is a monster.
Speaker 2:The same time, if you got 10 friends and 9 of them are making straight a's and, you know, well, you're probably gonna see a little uptick in the old grade point average. Yeah. For sure. The old GPA.
Speaker 3:Okay. Hey. Can I share a couple of just youth minute you just you just reminded me of a of a a couple of cool youth group, like, Wednesday night stage applications? Are you ready
Speaker 2:for this?
Speaker 3:Do it. Go ahead.
Speaker 2:I don't
Speaker 3:know if this is your bread and butter, man. I don't know if you were raised in the youth group. But Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3:So we always say with with with friendships, it's always easier to pull down than it is to pull up. Right? So what we would do is we would get a kid, like, standing on a chair on stage, and then another kid would be standing on the floor and essentially just kinda have a little tug of war. The person on the floor is always able to pull the person down more so than than the other person is able to pull the friend up. So that's one illustration.
Speaker 3:And then going on with that chair even some more and thinking about the power of encouragement and friendship, We would always love doing this. This is always fun. It was having, you know, maybe your your guy with, like, who works out the most. Say, okay, man. Come on up to the stage.
Speaker 3:I want you to grab this chair, and I want you to hold the chair up by the seat, and I want you to hold it just, you know, out at a 90 degree angle. And everyone in the room is going to just sit quietly, and we are just gonna watch you hold this chair out. And I'm gonna time you how long this takes. So every time, this was amazing. We'd see the student hold the chair out, you know, then his arms would start to kinda shake, and then we'd start to kinda see the chair slowly go down, right, as his arms kinda got tired.
Speaker 3:So then we'd say, okay. Awesome. And you did that for 90 seconds. That was really good. Alright.
Speaker 3:Give him just a few minutes to kinda get rested again. He might even think, well, that's that's weird. Why why did I even do that? And we'd say, okay. Now we're gonna have you do the same thing.
Speaker 3:And, again, you just did it so your arms are kinda tired already. But this time, what we're gonna do is the entire room, all of these colleagues and students are going to cheer you on during that time. And the coolest thing, again, proven, is that that kid would then be able to hold that chair out while being cheered on and encouraged by his friends for 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes plus. Mhmm. And, you know, that again is just this it's it's the truth of the fact that, man, who we spend time with matters so much to the success and failure of of our daily living.
Speaker 2:It really does, and it doesn't matter how old you are. My mentor is 92 years old, and, I mean, he's still going hard. Like, you wouldn't think he's a day over 60. And I asked him one day. I was, like, Don, you hang out with a lot of younger people.
Speaker 2:Like, I think most of the people that he hangs out with are 30 or 40. And I was like, why don't you hang out with people who are your age? And he said, how I stay so young is because I'm surrounded by these people who are full of life, and it just wears off on me in a great way.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And so we are influenced by who we hang out with, for better or for worse. I would think if Don was put in a, you know, in a in a nursing home with people who all they talked about was how sick they are and this and that, he would go downhill quick.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:But peer pressure is a big deal. And I think a job of us as mentors is to and it's hard with kids because kids have their friends. Like, hey, I've been friends with him since I was 5. It's so hard to kinda turn your back on them, and that is really difficult. It is really hard to say goodbye to people that you truly care about because they're a bad influence on you.
Speaker 2:Sure. That's one of the most difficult things that anyone will ever do. But as mentors, we get to share, hey, it is of the utmost of importance who you hang out with. So be wise. Make good choices.
Speaker 2:And that goes for us, but it also goes for our mentees as well. For sure. Someone once said, your character is a summation of the books we read and the people we hang out with. And I think that's true.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So we talked about mentors. We talked about friends. Lastly, we're we're gonna talk about the church, about how to grow spiritually through community. So
Speaker 3:Absolutely. I mean, we can't overstress the importance of of the church. This is the bride of Christ. Christ loves the church. Christ loves the church so much that every single wedding that we ever go to, right, is a symbol of this beautiful relationship between the bride and the groom.
Speaker 3:And so, you know, the church throughout history has taken a beating in our culture and and and in society and and just throughout history, but that also just kinda shows the importance of it. I think that it's I think I'm I'm right in saying that there will never be a substitute for the church in terms of our spiritual growth and in terms of how we're to enjoy community. We are the body of Christ, and so it's so important for us to remember that to say as I'm sure that you've probably had people in your life who will say things like, well, I'm I'm interested in the Lord, and I want to serve him. And I and I want to know him and be in a relationship as a as a Christian. However, right now, I'm just kind of doing that outside of being a member of a church.
Speaker 3:And I just I have yet to ever feel like that is that is a good thing. Right? Because I just believe truly that that is you're just putting yourself at such such a disadvantage in your spiritual walk when we say that the church is not important.
Speaker 2:And the church plays the role of discipler. The church plays the role of equipper, to equip the saints for works of ministry. And, like, yes, you can get that outside of the church, but it's just there's something about the church. It is the bride of Christ. Christ loves the church.
Speaker 2:He calls us to be a part of it, and there's something about that that weekly rhythm of sacrificing your time for the betterment of other people sacrificing your time to be in the presence of God with other people who are following Jesus, it's a it's just really important. And
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:It's it's a great opportunity we have as mentors to help get your mentee in the rhythm of this is what church is. This is what it looks like to go every week, or, you know, here's what it looks like to sing songs or to, as a community, talk about what you're dealing with or to pray or to submit to a pastor or to tithe. All of these things are very important. And you
Speaker 3:know what? I would even make a side note, man, just in in terms let me see if kinda how you feel about this. But having done skate ministry for as many years as I have, I've come along people that have said, hey. You know what would be great, John, is if you did like a if there was like a middleman skate church, you know, and it would be like a it would be a church that is all about skaters coming together, you know, whether it's like a skate park or a traditional church building. But it's interesting whenever I talk about that, I think that people are interested in the idea of a lot of kind of focused outreach for skateboarders with this with this church.
Speaker 3:However, I think that if we're not careful when we think about what it means to be the church of Christ, we sometimes kinda go into a maybe a specialized view of it, right, where we say, hey. This church is gonna be about skaters. Okay. So what I'm kinda saying there is, like, this church is gonna be about the 14 through 1921 year old who enjoys skateboarding. And you know what?
Speaker 3:That kind of that's kind of a demographic. Something that I've always kind of valued is to say, well, I love that there are a pair of church ministries out there, but something that I really love about the church is the diversity and kind of the and the built in multigenerational quality of the church. And so I just kinda wanna make a side note of that to say that sometimes we, in our thinking of doing quality outreach, we sometimes are kind of short changing the church as a whole because it's a beautiful place where you have these people from different walks of life and in different stations in life come together to serve. And that that to me is is really the body, right, that that Paul talks about in its in its full development. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And and so a lot of times, I get more excited about a church that might have a real diverse feel or, again, kind of value the fact that, oh, it's a lot of this is about putting multi generations together in worship. Yep. It's hard. That makes it you're right. You're right.
Speaker 3:I would say, you know, what makes it kinda easier is to think, hey. Let's let's get all these people with the same values together in the same room. Okay. Well, that's that sounds great as a matter of convenience, but as we're gonna talk about, community is not always convenient.
Speaker 2:Oh, nice segue. That was nice. Alright. So today, not today, right now, in this moment, we're gonna talk about the 3 things that community is. You can breathe easily, listeners.
Speaker 2:The cliffhanger is no more. So the first one is community is intentional. Community is intentional. John, tell us what you mean by that.
Speaker 3:Hey, man. You you would agree with me that we don't stumble into being sanctified, right, in that in that spiritual development. We don't just kinda haphazardly. It does it doesn't just happen to us, but instead it's when we understand that it's about being disciplined in our faith, about going to the Lord on a regular basis, about living our life in front of others. Our faith is something that we need to be very intentional about, and so is community.
Speaker 3:I always like this term as well. This is kind of a cool catchphrase. The community is forged, not found. Right? Community is not just something that you go and you find.
Speaker 3:You don't just kinda fall into it. I don't know of anybody that's just kind of visited on a Wednesday night a small group and then automatically says, well, I'm I'm part of a deep and rich community at this point. No. It's something that is that takes place over time, and that's why we need to be so intentional about it. I would say this as well.
Speaker 3:You know, it's not always easy to live strategically without maybe overdoing it. And and sometimes, you know, in our intentionality, I think we need to kinda be careful and not maybe forcing the issue. And this might be a little bit difficult to to understand, and and I want you to kind of give me some pushback if you want to on this. Okay? But I want you to think about this idea of, like, maybe a friendship or even a dating relationship where you say, well, listen.
Speaker 3:This is where I want to get in this relationship. And so, therefore, to get to that place, we need to go here here here and here. Okay? That to me is is heavy in strategy, but sometimes kinda lacks just the real kind of organic, right, and and and and transparent kind of the the humanity of it. It's as if you and I were kinda having a good time and I were to say, hey.
Speaker 3:Look at us. We're having fun together. That's pretty cool in our friendship. You know? Are we tracking here?
Speaker 2:What do you think about this? Tracking. We're tracking. It kinda sounds kinda kinda sounds like me because I'm so strategic.
Speaker 3:Are you guilty sometime of maybe being a little bit too strategic?
Speaker 2:I think all of us are, John. And I I will push back a little bit on this, and I'll say there's more than one way it's gonna cut. Yeah. Because I know friends who, you know, just for the lack of of a better term, they were forced into community. Hey, we go to this church.
Speaker 2:You're gonna be a part of this group. Y'all meet every week and da da da. And for the 1st couple weeks, 1st couple months, they might not mesh well. But if they stick with it, if they're intentional about continuing to hang out week after week, these people might not be their best friends, but they're gonna grow to love them. They're they are going to grow to serve them.
Speaker 2:And I think there is there is a lot of value in that. I'll say, will those relationships once, let's say, the church goes away or their small group kind of starts to starts to disband, will they stay friends? Maybe not. So it might not be as long lasting as someone who it's just organically like, Hey, we mesh well. We have things in common.
Speaker 2:We have fun. We're gonna be friends for a long time. Yeah, that might be a better way. That might be a way that is more long term, but that doesn't mean that there's not there isn't some kind of value in kind of the forced.
Speaker 3:But I completely agree with that.
Speaker 2:But I most definitely hear what it is that you're saying here.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Intentionality is just so important, but not to the and because I would say this. I think that leaning in on some of the difficult is really important because if I'm gonna be honest, man, my personality is really the other way. You know? I I think I Yeah, bro.
Speaker 3:I pretty much just wanna keep it all in there. Are you cool?
Speaker 2:Let's just, like, chill.
Speaker 3:Dude,
Speaker 2:let's just go chill and have a fire and, like, talk about talk about, like, the old stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man. Just whatever. You know, like and hey. You know, I'll say something like this. Hey, man.
Speaker 3:Like, whatever happened, dude? That's what shoulda happened. Right?
Speaker 2:And I I am, like, 5:45 Friday morning. If you were there at 5:46, you don't love Jesus. You better be there, and you better ask me these 6 questions. And if you don't ask these 6 questions, then we're not gonna
Speaker 3:Dude, I kinda love living on Navajo time. That's kinda what we call it. Right? Just like Yeah, bro.
Speaker 2:I mean,
Speaker 3:it was just that day, at least, you know. Hey.
Speaker 2:Different strokes for different folks. For sure.
Speaker 3:It takes all kinds.
Speaker 2:It does. And and, honestly, there's probably some things that I can take away from you, from your more go with the flowiness.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And there might be some things that you can take away from me, from my, hey. If you're a second late, I'm gonna punch you.
Speaker 3:So you're saying that a 1 can learn from a 9.
Speaker 2:I'm a 3, but yes. Yes. But I did marry a 9, so me and my wife are constantly making each other better. Awesome. But I will agree with you.
Speaker 2:It is intentional. I have found this in every relationship, whether it's with my mentee, with my kids, with my friends. You have to be intentional. It's not gonna happen on its own. Health does not just appear.
Speaker 2:People say this, oh, my gosh, Zach, you are so busy. You have so many friends, da da da da da da. And I'll tell you, I go out to lunch a lot. I, you know, I'm a fairly social guy. And I will say 90% of the time it's me reaching out to other people.
Speaker 2:If I don't send an email, if I don't invite people to lunch, if I don't text or call, within a month, my phone doesn't ring at all. Mhmm. Because intentionality is the way to build relationships. You have to put yourself out there. It takes effort.
Speaker 2:You have to create that margin. It's not convenient, but you have to choose to enter into community.
Speaker 3:And I think that's exactly what David does in that he says, okay, Mephibosheth. And, scripture is really interesting in that passage. You know, it tells us about 2 to 3 times that every day, Mephibosheth ate with David's family. You know? And Mephibosheth ate with David's family every single day.
Speaker 2:And it's it's not a one time choice. David had to choose to be intentional to invest into Mephibosheth every single day. Right. Mephibosheth had to choose to come sit at the table every single day. And that is intentional living.
Speaker 2:And this world is hard. To mentor someone is hard. To be an adult is hard. To be a kid is hard. This world does not do us any favors.
Speaker 2:We would much rather veg out and watch TV than go and intentionally invest into someone else. But intentionally investing into someone else, that is where true life comes from.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. So I would probably wanna do this too to your listener that is more of maybe the the feeler and the motivated by, you know, again, how their how their emotional state is and kinda I'm kinda that way, man. I'm a I'm a if I'm feeling like it, man, I'm driven by my emotion, and it's good because it really kinda helps me through and keeps me going for a while. But, man, those days when I wake up and I can say this, you know what? I don't feel like blank.
Speaker 3:I would kind of say this to you guys who are like me. Say that to yourself. Take that to the Lord. Maybe take that to your spouse. Take that to a friend.
Speaker 3:But then once you've said that, then go ahead and make that decision to do the thing. Okay? And just know, listen. You've been heard. You're right.
Speaker 3:You don't feel like doing it. But especially within the context of of a mentor spending time with a mentee needing to show consistency and intentionality, go ahead and make it happen.
Speaker 2:And being intentional for you as the mentor, You have to be intentional about finding your own mentor, about being invested into, about submitting to authority. You have to be intentional about finding good, godly friends who are helping you become the best version of yourself, who are helping you meet your goals and become the person that you want to be. You have to be intentional about going to church, about doing the things that sometimes you don't wanna do. I don't feel like going to small group. I don't feel like going to church.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like tithing. I don't ah, ah. You have to be intentional, and then we have to model that to our mentees because it is so much easier to take the road more traveled. But true life is found in the road less traveled. And if a mentee doesn't have someone that they can look to and say, oh, so that's what it looks like to take the road less traveled, they are never gonna do it.
Speaker 2:You can't be what you can't see. So we, as mentors, we get to be an example of being intentional. We get to be our best selves through intentional choices each and every day, every moment of every single day. And then we get to allow our mentors to see that and to engage in that. Hey, look.
Speaker 2:I don't wanna do the dishes. I don't want to go to work today. I don't want to be kind to my boss. I don't want to forgive. I don't want to go to small group.
Speaker 2:I don't want to tithe. I don't want to budget. I don't right? There's so many things. But we get to invite our mentee into into that process into that process and say, but I'm gonna be intentional in all these things because, ultimately, that's going to lead to the kind of life that I want.
Speaker 2:So, hey, mentee. What kind of life do you want? Okay. Well, these are the intentional choices that we have to make. These are the intentional people that we have to hang out with, and these are the intentional mentors that we have to surround ourselves with to help us do the things that are going to lead to that life.
Speaker 2:Exactly. So Yeah. It's it's I'm kinda dealing with this in my own personal life. As you know, I'm almost 40, guys. And I am just, like, I'm not gonna become the kind of father I wanna be if I am not intentional.
Speaker 2:If If I'm not intentional to pursue my kids. If I'm not intentional to pursue my wife. And these phones, in these TV screens, in these YouTubes, in these there YouTubes, it's they're distractions. And, man, if you're not careful, it's gonna knock you off the path of life. And if it's hard for me, who's an old man, how much harder for a kid who's 8, 18?
Speaker 2:Right? Man, big deals. For sure. Alright. Here we go.
Speaker 2:Mentor, friend, church. We gotta be intentional in all of those things. Next up, what's the the next I?
Speaker 3:So community is also it's inconvenient. And I think this is really a cool thing for us to to discuss a little bit and really think about, you know, inviting others into your life and entering into theirs as well, which I think is also this key component that we think about because it's not only about kind of inviting the mentee into our lives, but also entering and really wanting to know that you're a part of theirs. It's messy because it is life. It's it's nothing that we can kinda curate as if we would, you know, curate a social media account. This is the good and the bad.
Speaker 3:This is the this is us at our best, us at our worst. And so it really does require that we're open to think think about this idea of just being inefficient, right, in your living, that not not every moment is the best that it can be. But instead, oh, man, we kinda gotta take what we can get out of this. And, also, just as we think about when it comes to you know, whenever I'm working with a mission group, we say, look. The the keyword here of the week is gonna be flexibility.
Speaker 3:It really has to be for the success of this thing to to be pulled off. We have got to be nothing more than flexible because when something doesn't go the way that we planned, it would go. We don't need to have the the wheels fall off of this thing. Okay? And so same way with with relationships.
Speaker 3:We we really need to be flexible and understanding that things are going to happen, that things are going to be inconvenient, and that there's going to
Speaker 2:be a struggle. Especially as a mentor, Let's say, you know, the typical person tuning into this podcast is probably a successful mature adult. You probably have a job or you probably have a family, probably got some money. All of that's great. If you are inviting a kid who comes from a hard place into your life, it's going to jack with your systems.
Speaker 2:It's going to mess up your schedule. It's going to cost you money. It's going to cost you time. It's gonna cost you emotional bandwidth. It's going to be inconvenient.
Speaker 2:It's going to be inconvenient when they don't show up when they say they will. It's gonna be inconvenient when they don't call you when they say or when their phone changes or gets turned off or when they move. It's gonna be inconvenient when they call you at 2 PM on Sunday and say, this is going on with my family. It's it is not going to be easy, And that's okay. I think about us with Jesus.
Speaker 2:Right? Like, if you look at the 12 disciples, how how much did they inconvenience Jesus? I mean, they couldn't figure it out. They consistently misunderstood what he was saying. They were fighting.
Speaker 2:They were bickering. They were immature. They were all of these things. They betrayed him. They after spending day after day for 3 years, they still didn't get it.
Speaker 2:How frustrating would that have been? I can hardly take someone not doing what I ask for one day, much less 3 years, but that is loving unconditionally. And, I mean, it's just you're choosing to be inconvenienced, but what's the fruit of that? Right? You get to love someone who may not be loved by too many people.
Speaker 2:You get to love someone in the midst of their junk. You get to invite them into your life and show them how your life's not perfect, how you have struggles. You you get to choose to be vulnerable with them, which is inconvenient. That is so hard. It's so hard to apologize to a 10 year old.
Speaker 2:It's so hard to say, hey. Look. Like, I'm not perfect, and here's areas that I need to become more more like Jesus in. But if you inconvenience yourself and be vulnerable and allow them in, that's only going to help them. So
Speaker 3:For sure. That, you know, that reminds me of actually a friendship that I had one time with a a dear friend who's no longer with us. But James, I remember, you know, was about my age and just seemed to have some struggles in life, you know, kinda constantly, some things with his health and and mental health. And and I remember one time him telling me, hey. You know, the bummer about our friendship is that it always seems like we're talking about my stuff, and we never really talk about anything that you're going through.
Speaker 3:And I think that was probably the first time that I realized that in a relationship, if we're not careful, we can kinda take on a little bit of a a role where we're unwilling to give in that way because we feel like in a in a for for whatever reason, we just don't wanna kind of invest ourselves into the person by sharing some of those matters that make us maybe look vulnerable. Right? Because we think, oh, wait a minute. If I do that, it's gonna, in some way, usurp my authority. And then you begin to think, but wait a minute.
Speaker 3:Why do I wanna even kinda take on a role of authority maybe in this friendship? The same can be true of maybe some mentoring relationships as well, though, to say, oh, you know what? I've I've maybe missed the boat on being transparent with this person so that they would feel not only gleaning from the wisdom that I give them about their own life, but that they would feel almost entrusted, right, to say, hey, man. Thanks for sharing with me about that struggle that you've gone through. That's that's a really cool level of of relationship and and friendship as well when you can kinda give yourself to a person in that way.
Speaker 3:I think between the mentor and mentee, we also wanna remember that that that openness is important, but we also use discernment as well. Right? We don't kind of you know, we never, as a parent, go to our our child and then be able to kinda tell them, hey. Let me let me tell you what me and mama are going through right now. You know?
Speaker 3:You do wanna be transparent in that relationship as well, but you also use discernment to say, well, what can your heart and your mind actually, you know, deal with at this point? So we would wanna remember to do that as well. But, again, even that can be inconvenient in that sharing because we just think, oh, it would just be so much easier for me, you know, again, just to give you these good one liners of how to how for you to be a healthy person, and I never really invest myself in the relationship. And that's that's truly what David was able to do in a really great way. Right?
Speaker 3:Because he said, Mephibosheth, I will I will be with you on a daily basis. And so, in fact, what he was doing was saying, Mephibosheth, your presence is going to affect, you know, the royal dining room, just kind of the mood at this point. And so, Mephibosheth was to be gleaning these wonderful teachings of how to be a leader from David, but also David was inviting Mephibosheth to be an influencer in how the family would kinda feel. And that was that, again, that level of inconvenience, I think, served Mephibosheth in a really great way.
Speaker 2:And I'm sure that he had some character flaws. I'm sure that there were some people out there who could have done it better than Mephibosheth, but David was intentional in choosing him. He was intentional in investing into him. He was inconvenienced by saying, hey, every day, no matter what I'm going through, even though I'm king, I'm gonna set aside some time and some margin to invest into you. He was inconvenienced whenever Mephibosheth didn't get it right, But he stayed with it.
Speaker 2:And just, I think going back to the mentor friend church, it's inconvenient to have a mentor. It's inconvenient to invest into a mentee. It's inconvenient to be intentional with friends or to have to call out your friends when they're making poor choices. It's inconvenient to have that vulnerable relationship with other people and to allow them into your life so that they can help so that you can do that Galatians 6:2, to bear each other's burdens. It's inconvenient to go to church, especially when you're busy, especially when church is filled with people who aren't perfect, especially when church hurts you.
Speaker 2:It's inconvenient to forgive. It's inconvenient to do all of these things, but these things are essential to having a healthy community to help you become all that the Lord has for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I just would encourage lean in on the inconveniences. Right? Because, again, these days I mean, when it when it comes to, I believe, our our faith, you know, in modern times in the American church, how much how much real real oppression are we dealing with, and and how many times are we actually just kinda dealing with the matter of inconvenience? I think that it's important to clarify those things.
Speaker 3:And as convenient as we want our lives to be, especially in the church, to kinda lean in on those things that that might just be mere matters of inconvenience and say, goodness. This does not need to be a deal breaker for me. You know, we don't need to start looking up a new church just because a few inconveniences have kinda stacked up against us. We wanna move, continue to kinda lean in on these, and and continue to realize, oh, Lord. How do you wanna shape me in this?
Speaker 3:This is my probably an area that is going to build my character and and make me a better mentor, make me a better friend, and make me a better member of the body.
Speaker 2:Last one. Community is intentional, community is inconvenient, and community is?
Speaker 3:Incremental. Big word. It is, isn't it? I like it. So listen.
Speaker 3:Community is enjoyed in increments. It's a it's a process. Alright? The process of discipleship, it takes time. And, listen, it may not always run at the pace that we would so choose.
Speaker 3:Right? Because what do we want? We want convenience. We want today. I want it now.
Speaker 3:We want microwavable.
Speaker 2:I want that grill
Speaker 3:fixed, bro. Give me that 2 and a half minutes for that popcorn to be ready. Right? But, man, you know, we talked about Mentor's Farmer. Right?
Speaker 3:And I I believe this to be very true. Mentoring, it is it's farming. It is a slow process, and so praise God that it is because that kind of really works against our own ideas of of how long something should take. And I have a friend who says this with his ministry. He says that in this in this age of kinda always wanting it and wanting it now, he says that we work at the we run at the speed of relationship.
Speaker 3:And I thought that was really cool because that shows that, hey, this relationship to kind of get anywhere or get where we would want to be, you know, in our intentional living. Again, right, we have good we have good intent for it, but it may not get there. It may take weeks, months, years, or it may be it may never come to fruition as we would hope, but that doesn't mean that we that we stop investing and giving ourselves and and continue to to show these people that we're mentoring that they are loved by God.
Speaker 2:Especially if you're a mentor, you're just probably not gonna see a lot of fruit at the very beginning. You might not see a lot of fruit for a year or 2 or 3 or 4, but let's not let that discourage us because community really is incremental. Sometimes it just takes a while. There's gonna be setbacks. There's gonna be periods of uncertainty.
Speaker 2:Things aren't always going to go as planned. Things are gonna go as you think in your life, and things might not go as planned in your mentee's life. Things are just gonna pop up.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And this is a slow walk. Right? Like, this like, we're in it for the long haul here. I mean, I have been married now for a while, and I know my wife significantly better today than I did whenever we first got married. Why?
Speaker 2:Because we've just had time together. And, like, yeah, there's been times when I've been really intentional. We've gone on vacations. We've gone on dates. We've done these things.
Speaker 2:But there's also just been time whenever we were just with each other. And it really is a step by step. It's a day by day. It's a it's it is just it's a process. And so it takes a while to get to know people to invest into your life.
Speaker 2:It takes a while to invest into a mentee. It takes a while to build friendships. It takes a while to get plugged into a church. Just patience is kind of the name of the game here. And patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, which means we don't naturally have it in our own strength.
Speaker 2:We have to rely upon the Lord for patience. And we are just in such a hurry today so much. Like, I want this done. If if my mentee doesn't make straight a's in 6 weeks, I'm out. If he doesn't stop, you know,
Speaker 3:doing this or that, then I'm out. And it just takes a while. It really does. And when you think about too that we have relationships in which we hope for so much for our mentees. Right?
Speaker 3:And we might be so invested in the lives of these people that we're so close to them, and it's almost the equivalent of, you know, with my kids. The funny thing is I'm with them almost almost every day. Thankfully, I get to be with my kids every single day, but we have this I don't know if you guys have this in your home, but you do you have the kinda like the the part of the wall or like the the sill of the door where you measure height? Do you do that?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay. Well, we, obviously, we, you know, we do that as well. And the funny thing about that is that I never really few times in life, maybe I should say that I've looked at one of my kids and thought, wow. You're you've really grown a lot, you know, because I'm so close to them every single day that I don't really see that growth. It's a family member that comes over, you know, or some oh my goodness gracious.
Speaker 3:Look how tall Levi is now. Right? So we we watch we look at those marks. Sometimes we can be so close to our mentee as well that that we're not even really kinda able to see maybe some of that growth or some of that progress in their own lives. So I would just kind of recommend as you meet with your mentor and you to kind of discuss the mentoring that you're doing to others, that can also be kind of a neat opportunity for your mentor to say, hey.
Speaker 3:You know what? You probably don't realize this, but when we were talking about this kid last semester, you were saying that you were dealing with this. Look how far you've come, you know, in the development of their character or look at their grades now or, you know, and that can really be a big encouragement, and and I think we need that as well.
Speaker 2:I think one of the things that I am possibly the worst at or that I could grow in is celebrating. I mean, we have to identify areas of growth and celebrate it. We have to point out the good. We can't continually be focused in on what they're not doing. I know it sounds crazy, but, like, if a kid makes a 50 and the next week he makes a 65, you can choose to get mad at him for still failing.
Speaker 2:Or you can choose to say, you did so much better than last time. And I I know that that's kind of that doesn't make a lot of sense. I know that that that is kind of that doesn't it's not how we typically work. But, hey, if he made a 50 last week and a 65 this week, maybe next week he'll make an 80. Maybe next week he'll make a 75.
Speaker 2:And then the week after that, he'll make an 82. And the week after that, he'll make an 88. And I'm just it's the same thing with making eye contact. It's the same thing with shaking hands. Same thing with having confidence.
Speaker 2:Same thing with dealing with girls. Same thing with all these things. Same it's the same thing with trying to follow Jesus. Right? Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And so this kinda goes back to it being inconvenient. Like, I I think it is important that we allow our mentees to see us fail. I think it is important that we inconvenience ourselves, swallow that pride, and say, hey, here's where I'm not perfect. Because it gives them permission to not be perfect as well and to talk about their failures. If the only thing that they see from you is perfection, then they're gonna have to then they're gonna think that they have to be perfect.
Speaker 2:But if you if you would let them in and just through this process of just this day by day and through this process of pointing out where they're growing and, hey, you just grew a little bit, but that's awesome. We're on the right path. I promise I got faith in you. You're gonna do this. You're gonna be able to do what you wanna do.
Speaker 2:We have to celebrate. So For sure, man. It is. Especially in
Speaker 3:the church too. The church doesn't always, you know, celebrate well, actually.
Speaker 2:Not good at celebrating here. I don't know if it's just me. I don't know if it's the church I'm with, the friends I'm with. I we are so focused in on what's next.
Speaker 3:It's never enough. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's never enough. Yeah. And so we have to learn how to celebrate. Because with that celebration comes confidence, it comes value, it comes joy, it comes laughter, smiles. The joy of the lord is our strength.
Speaker 2:It's just a big deal. So Definitely true. That's great.
Speaker 3:I think that another thing to remember too is that just as you mentioned, what I what I kinda gleaned from you saying is that I think that a really important part of success is setback. Right? Like, it's a part of it. I think that you kinda just have to work that in and understand that for something to to go right, for something to be good for our our mentees to be successful, why don't we just begin with understanding that there will be maybe even significant setbacks? And if we just kinda do that from the beginning, then that attitude that we have that our mentors are looking at, they're you know, sometimes they may make a choice or they may finally get the courage to tell you something that they've done or something that's going on in their life.
Speaker 3:And they're and they're thinking, man, the sky is falling like this is this is it. But think about the power that you have in responding and reacting in such a way that first of all, maybe just like in a very controlled way so that, you know, because when you think about maybe growing up and you said something to your parents and that you knew you were gonna get in trouble and, you know, if you see that reaction, you're only maybe it's solidified because they they overreact to it as well. So you're like, oh, I knew I shouldn't be this crazy about it. But as a mentor, we have that ability to kinda take that information in and take it as a person of margin to say, hey. You know what?
Speaker 3:I get it. And, yeah, this is a big deal, but we are gonna get through this. And this this setback is is actually just part of what we knew was going to happen in your story, and that is okay. So there's room for that. I think that can also really be empowering.
Speaker 3:And that, again, is just part of the understanding that community is incremental. It happens as a process with successes, with setbacks, but it is all part of the deal.
Speaker 2:Alright. Here we go. So we talked about community today. We talked about how, yes, you as a mentor, you need these things, but specifically for your mentee, they need to have mentors. And that can be more than just you.
Speaker 2:They need to surround themselves with good friends because you are who you hang out with. And then church is just essential in regards to creating that that pattern and to help them to spiritually. Community is relationships. It's hard. It's a struggle, but, man, it's so worth it.
Speaker 2:We talked about how community is intentional. You have to choose to enter into community. We talked about how it's inconvenient. It will cost you something. And then we talked about how it is incremental.
Speaker 2:It's a process, and it's just gonna take a while. So this is our final pillar. So we talked about identity, who you are, purpose, what you do, and community, who you do it with. This is important for all people who follow Jesus, but specifically for us as mentors as we invest into our mentees. Alright.
Speaker 2:Anything else you got?
Speaker 3:I really don't. Just thank you for the opportunity for letting me kinda come and and and hang out with you and talk about these things, dude. It's been such a blessing.
Speaker 2:So this is the victory lap.
Speaker 3:Now okay. Now we're Yeah.
Speaker 2:This is the victory lap. Now the race is ended.
Speaker 3:I have a song for you. Now I'm just teasing. Okay. Alright. Well, thank
Speaker 2:you all for tuning in. We hope you liked the series. Holler at us. You know where to find us. Social media, zach@youcanmentor.com.stephen@youcanmentor.com.
Speaker 2:John@john.com. I'm just kidding. But we hope we added value, and we hope we helped you invest into the lives of your mentee. And remember You can mentor. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can. We believe in you. So go do it in the name of Jesus. Amen. With other people.
Speaker 2:Because you can't do it alone. Now I'm just rambling. Oh, no. See y'all.