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The Noon Hour Of Madness & Mayhem can be heard live on KBEAR 101 weekdays at 12pm MST. Viktor and Peaches talk about a wide variety of topics depending on the day and you never know what to expect!
[instrumental music plays] The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem, the podcast.
[instrumental music plays]
Well, good morning to you, FJ.
Good morning to you, Peaches.
The reason why we're saying good morning is because we're pre-recording this at 8:35 AM. Uh, Victor is not here today, and so we can pre-record the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem early.
Yeah. It's-
It's-
... it's real nice.
We can always, uh, be productive without him here, taking up space, that big loaf-
Yeah, how does-
... in the, uh-
... how does it work out like that?
... in the K-Bear studio. You know, I, I kinda get disappointed whenever I pull up to the, uh, the building and I don't see his giant, you know, manly truck. And I wonder, like-
[chuckles]
... I wonder, like, what, what excuse will he have tomorrow? Will he say he has, A, a stomach bug, B, he didn't sleep at all, or C, it was Becca's fault?
Or D, he slipped getting out of the hot tub.
Or E, all of the above.
I'm going with E, all of the above.
Yeah, I can't wait. Uh, should we make, should we make a bet on this? [chuckles]
I feel like we're wrong every time. Every time he does this, we're like, "Ah, this is what happened." We're never right.
I, I, I, I think he just didn't sleep at all last night. U- usually,
[sighs] usually Becca will, like, mess with him late at night.
[chuckling] That's so messed up.
And he'll come into work the next morning. She was quiet last night.
Oh, so it wasn't her. Well-
What if we find-
... that we know of.
What if we find out they split apart and this is all gonna age really bad?
That, th- that'd be really, really terrible, so...
So he comes in tomorrow, like, just tears in his eyes, everything.
I'm gonna feel terrible. Well, why, why did we have to talk about things like that?
[laughs]
I'd feel terrible if that was the case.
I would feel awful, too. I think I would give him a hug for the 1st time in a long time.
Ah, I wanna give him a hug now just because.
Maybe we should drive to his house. We should take this, uh, show on the road. [both chuckle] We have the ability to do remote breaks. We can easily just go over there.
"What are you guys doing here?" "We just felt like you needed a hug." "Why?"
We brought the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem to you, Victor.
Oh, he would love that.
Right?
Or he really wouldn't. I don't know.
I, I feel like this, uh, this show can be mostly negative, and I feel like that's the whole point, really, right?
Uh, and being negative cheers people up, right?
I, I would think so. There are some people that are like, "I wanna listen to positivity." And it's like, have you not heard, uh, metal lyrics for the most part?
Yeah, there's not very much positivity going on there.
You got Motionless in White, you got Beartooth, you got those positive bands, right?
Yeah, there's-
But then, wh- who else are there? Who else is there?
[lip smack] Th- that's it. That, that, that's really all there... I mean, I'm sure there's somebody else out there, but...
It's not like we're, we're motivational speakers in here.
Well, I could be.
Okay, let's hear it.
I've thought about taking that on the road. People-
Sh- sh- should we have you do a, uh, an impromptu, uh, motivational speech?
Happiness is the key to happiness. [instrumental music plays] Once you're happy, you stay happy.
And really, that's what's important.
Pump yourself up. Y- you don't even need to look in the mirror to feel good about yourself. Just tell yourself you're awesome.
Who would you tell... What would you say to p- uh, dudes your age who are single and they're lonely and all of that? What would you, what would you tell them, Jeff?
Stop being lonely and be happy that you're single. You get the whole bed. Nobody's telling you what to do. You get to make your own decisions. Y- you are the best of the best. You have made it this far without screwing yourself up and screwing your life up and getting married. Be happy.
Perfect. [instrumental music plays] Couldn't have said it better myself.
Well, it's the Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem. You know what? We're gonna play the dolphin music bed. [upbeat music]
Oh, do we have to?
Okay, I can turn it off if you want me to.
No, keep it on. It's too late.
I'll turn it louder.
Oh, man.
And louder.
People are gonna love this.
It's better than baseball music.
What? Well, that one baseball track, I mean-
Yeah.
... if it was just "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," I could listen to that song all day.
It changes from dolphins to, uh, monkeys at some point.
Is there really that much of a difference in the noise?
Wait for it.
They both squeak.
There's a certain part where he goes, "I wanna be a monkey."
There you go.
And then, and then, then it goes to a monkey?
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
So you know how we like to make fun of things around here, and in real life, I, you know, I- I'm, I, I'm becoming a better person. And so it's kind of weird that I have to go back to my old ways and make fun of things here on the air. You know, on air.
You know what? Give it, give it 10 years and the-
There it is
... the making fun of things is just... [upbeat music] Oh. Ah, I see, I see what happened there.
Yeah. Okay, I'll turn this off.
Yeah, give it 10 years and you'll just make fun of everything naturally.
But see, [sighs] I already did that, and I don't necessarily wanna keep doing that.
Oh, old age reverts you back to that.
Oh, I hope not.
Oh, it's what happens. You get-
I feel like I'm going the opposite direction.
You get grumpier. You get more angry at everybody.
No, I hope... No, no. I've already been... I was already, like, extremely angry back then.
Oh, dude. [chuckles] You just wait.
I was mad at everything.
Once 40 hits, you hate everybody.
I'll have to call my dad and ask him, "Hey, when you got... when you turned 40, did you, besides you getting type 2 diabetes, were you just pissed at everything?"
[chuckles] I mean, that might have been what helped piss him off at the world, but...
He was also a plumper back then.
He, he... I think he weighed, like, 275. He's also, like, 8 inches shorter than me. So-
I think everybody's at least 8 inches shorter than you.
I mean, you're not wrong, but-
So th- that's kind of a-
... it's always nice when I get to meet a tall listener.
And how often does that happen?
Uh, more often than you think.
Really?
Yeah.
We got a lot of tall people here.
I, I went to the, the gun shop and did a live remote, and there was a giant dude about the same height as me, if not taller, that came up and I shook his hand.
Oh, wow.
We took a picture together, everything, yeah.
Man, wow, what a magical moment.
The tall guys are chill for the most part. It, it's the short little guys that are, you know... Like Victor.
Yeah, like the really overly small guys.
Yeah, like those guy... L- Lord Farquaad size.
Yeah, they've got the little man complex.
They do. They really do. They have the-
It's a, it's a real thing.
The most intimidating little guy I have ever met is not Victor. It's, uh, Harvey Levin from TMZ.
[chuckling] Well, Victor's not very intimidating.
That guy... But he's 75 years old and he's still doing it. [chuckling] He's still going at it. He's still... Like, he works 12-hour days. Uh, 7 days a week. He's buff for no reason. L- look, I told Victor, I, uh, I had to pick up something for him, and I went to his, uh, I went to where they were editing the show.
Yeah.
And he was eating a giant bowl of just ground beef, and there was nothing else in there.
That sounds awesome.
And he was just scooping it up with this massive spoon. It probably, it probably was a normal spoon, but it just looked huge in his hands 'cause-
That makes me... I, I like this guy already
... he, he's, he's, he's like 5'2", you know? He, he would have somebody come wash his Porsche 911 outside the newsroom.
Just because.
Just because.
Ooh.
Like, no-
Eating bowls of ground beef.
I felt bad 'cause one, one of the guys who was like his, uh, uh, who would kiss his butt quite often in the office-
[chuckles]
... um, I called... I, I said, "Harvey has Napoleon complex." And this guy took offense to it. [Speaker 1 laughing] And he, he thought... He, he acted like if Harvey was his dad. Like, he was just pissed, and I think he unfollowed me on Instagram after, uh, I got let go from TMZ.
Oh.
Yeah. I was gonna talk about something else, but we've already, like, took up enough time here just talking about this. So-
And we're, we're doing great, I love this.
But I, I also feel like you're als- you're way more easygoing than most people, and you're 42, right?
Yeah.
Well, y- you're, you're not mean at all.
Well...
The m- the most I've ever seen you upset with anything was with Rapping the Rivers. We, we didn't even talk about that, actually. We just talked ab-
The people keeping me up all night?
Yeah, we didn't even talk about that when we talked about your experience-
Ooh
... Rapping the Rivers. Uh, there was a-
Ooh
... there was a, a, what was it, a family, a group of friends?
It was just a, uh, a, th- there was, like, 2 people in this camp, and they decided that once the party shut down at 3:00 a.m., they needed to keep it going the rest of the night.
So you told me that Rocking the Rivers is no more.
It's gone.
Rapping the Rivers is now the thing.
Y- yeah.
The lineup look atrocious, not my thing. I shouldn't say atrocious. D- I would s- I just have to say, this is where I have to be nicer. I would just have to say they're not my genre, to be truthful.
I was there, and I am going to call it atrocious.
Okay. All right. What was that one, uh... Oh, we can't even say the name of that artist.
YDB?
Yeah, YDB. That's a acronym for something else.
His old... Uh, his dad was ODB. His dad was cool.
Not to be confused with Odell Beckham Jr.
Yeah, the boy-
No, ODB is a different-
Yeah, completely different. [both laughing]
But Rapping the Rivers in Cardwell, Montana. Is that-
Yeah.
Is that where it takes place? Yeah, and you said there was people, uh, blasting music till 3:00 in the morning?
No, no, no. That's when the music stopped at the festival. They were playing music till... The 1st night, it was about 6:30 they finally shut her down.
The, w- the next day, like, when we were getting up to leave, we left at 10:00 a.m., and they were still going from the night before.
Wow. And you think, uh, uh, festivals, to me, sound so unappealing.
They were getting so many-
Th- th- they sound-
... dirty looks, like, "How they didn't realize that everybody here hates us? We should shut up." I, I don't get it.
Yeah, right. It-- there, there are people who are just tone-deaf like that. And I'll talk about tone-deaf people here, or a tone-deaf, uh, individual here in just a few.
Ooh, I like it.
[music] On the noon hour of "Madness and Mayhem." [music] Well, it's the noon hour of "Madness and Mayhem," and like I said, uh, I'm becoming a better person, trying not to be all judgy in real life. You know, I'm trying not to road rage, of course. Well, I'm not saying I'm not trying not to. I just don't road rage anymore.
Oh, ro- not road raging here is easy.
Oh, 'cause, [sighs] i- it's like, w- what if I know that person? And also, like, what is flipping them off gonna do other than, uh, it makes me look kinda silly?
Oh, yeah, don't flip them off. Give them a thumbs up.
Oh, okay.
Oh, the people do not react well to that for some reason. [both laughing]
There was some guy that was all mad, like, that I popped a U-ie on my street, and I just looked at him, and it's, like, some, like, nerdy kid. [Speaker 1 chuckling] And I'm like, "Dude, why are you blaring your horn at me?" Like, I'm just trying to turn around. I went the wrong direction. Oops.
It happens sometimes.
It happens, yeah.
Yeah, next time give them a thumbs up and a big cheesy grin.
Don't get upset by the, uh, the little things, you know?
Exactly.
That's-- I'm tr- don't sweat the small stuff. That's why when Victor acts out, I just go, "You know what?" [Speaker 1 chuckling] "He, he's a, he's an adorable elf." And, and then I just walk to the other studio. [both laughing] But I did, I did get a good laugh out of this lady who probably thought this post was gonna go better, more so in her direction. Um, she decided... This, this is, this is her logic. She went and saw the new "Spider-Man" movie with her son and her husband, right? She was appalled that it was only rated PG-13 when I guess the language in that movie was, uh, more so inappropriate.
Oh.
Uh, sh-
One of those people.
Yeah, so there, there's a... W- what, how do I say this? Uh, middle-aged woman. Like, there's a whole bunch of good ones out there. The, all the fantastic ones listen to us. But then there are that, those select few that he, he-
Their names might start with a K?
Well, no, my mom's name is Karen.
Oh. Well-
And she doesn't act like one.
We like your mom, though.
It's more so like Fran, Pam, Theresa, [Speaker 1 chuckling] Tammy, Kim. Like, all those names. Not to offend anyone, 'cause there are, like I ju- like I just mentioned, like, my mom's name is Karen.
And she's cool.
She's cool, yeah.
And there's people out there named Pam that are cool.
Yeah, and all those names are also in my family too. [both laughing] So-
You're just going through the family tree.
Yeah, yeah. My, my grandma Theresa, my other grandma Doris. Like,
it, it w- it, it... They should've been more creative with the names. But as I'm trying to work my way around this, this lady by the name of Carrie... Like, we have a bunch of awesome Carries that listen to us, but-
There's this one that's not so awesome.
She decided... This is her logic. She said, "You know what? I'm offended by the new 'Spider-Man' movie. Let me take a, a selfie with my husband and son outside the movie theater, right outside the ticket window." Or no, is that a, [sighs] is that a movie poster with just a bad glare?
It kinda looks like a ticket window, so I'm just gonna say it's that. She says, "So apparently PG-13 does not mean what I thought it meant anymore. We went to see the new 'Spider-Man' movie today, and y'all, I was shocked. In my opinion, this movie should have absolutely been rated R. The Punisher needs his mouth washed out with an entire bar of soap. I lost count of how many times I thought, 'Did he seriously just say that?'" Uh, when it comes to PG-13 films, you're only allowed to say the F bomb once.
I, I think you can get away with it, like, two or three times.
Well, uh, uh, besides the... Uh, if it's 2 or 3, that's barely anything. I've seen rated R movies where every other word is r- is the, is the F bomb.
"Deadpool."
Uh, "Deadpool," uh, "Superbad," uh, "Project X." [chuckles] I've seen tons of these horrible movies where it's like, okay, did they really write that in the script, or they tell the actors just to go off?
Either way, it's hilarious.
But also, you're gonna tell The Punisher to wash his mouth out with soap?
I dare you.
A guy who kills people?
I dare you to tell The Punisher that.
[chuckling] Frank Castle himself?
Yeah, that's a bad idea. Just leave The Punisher alone. That, that's probably the best thing you could do.
So she-- I don't know if it's her husband or her son. I think it mi- might be more so her son here. She says, "David has watched all of the 'Jurassic World' movies, so we're definitely not strangers to PG-13 movies. Dinosaurs eating people, apparently we're fine. But this? Nope. What we real- what really did it for me was hearing the Lord's name used as profanity twice while we were sitting there. After the 2nd time, I looked at David and said, 'We're leaving.' We didn't even finish the movie." Imagine having your mom, like, take you away from "Spider-Man."
I would be so upset.
I- I'd be embarrassed beyond belief.
So far, I have the feeling this lady blew this movie out of proportion a little bit.
Oh, no kidding. I can tell by the look on her face. She seems like the type to like, "Oh my gosh, these nine-year-olds are skateboarding in my neighborhood."
"They said a bad word."
"I'm calling the police. They said what the flip."
Oh, no.
Whoa.
Whoa. [chuckles]
Whoa. Uh, w- what is it? "And after l- looking up the parent guide after," or, "And after looking up the parent guide afterward and seeing just how much more language was in the movie, including 7 uses of God's name as profanity, I was even more glad we walked out." And then she just goes on and on talking about "'Spider-Man' has been a hero for millions," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, as of right now, as of this morning, there are 18,000 laugh reacts on this post, tons of comments saying [both chuckling] "Go bleep your..." [chuckling]
They're really giving it to her.
The, the-- I, I can't even say what they're saying in the comments, but I'm just laughing at the fact that this lady's probably looking at her phone, getting all pissed off.
I'm guessing the, the comments aren't very PG-13-ish.
Oh, absolutely not. [Jeff chuckling] They're using the, the, the Lord's name in vain quite a lot in here. Uh, they're using the clown emoji. Uh, and then p- someone brought up a great point. Remember what was, uh, what PG-13 was in the, in 1980s? 'Cause I've seen "Jaws." That's rated PG.
Yeah.
Um, and I, I did look it up. Did I just close the tab like a moron? Movies that should have been rated R, right? "The Dark Knight" is what it says here, which, I mean, that would be much cooler if it did. The reason why they do most of these movies as PG-13 is because-
And so more people can see them
... more people can see them. And it, like... Especially with these superhero movies-
Right
... they're not wanting to make it insane. Like, Deadpool's supposed to be-
Yeah
... absolutely bonkers.
It... Yeah, if you've read the comic books, like...
Even "The Boys." "The Boys" is supposed to be, like-
Oh
... completely off the rails.
It's supposed-
Imagine if this lady [both chuckling] saw "The Boys."
Oh, she should go watch it.
Oh, in, in the next break, we'll talk about these movies here, and we'll see, uh, what they should be rated. [music] Well, Jeff, we're wrapping up the noon hour of "Madness and Mayhem." The reason why I'm laughing is because I don't think you saw me do it. I just lifted up one cheek and just farted right in your [chuckling] face.
Dude, I'm in the studio with you. Why would you do that? [both laughing] I s- if that gets over to my nose...
You were looking a completely other direction, and I was just li- like... [chuckles] Did he really not hear it?
Man.
'Cause it was loud too, and now it smells too. [chuckling]
Man, it, it... Dude, I... Oh, if that gets over to me, I'm, I'm, I'm walking out of here.
Would you say, uh... Would you say some pretty horrible things that Carrie from the last break would get upset with?
Definitely.
[chuckles] So we... I, I looked up movies that should be re-rated PG-13 or R. Um, "Jaws," of course, that's the blatant example. That was rated PG back in the day. Back when, uh, men were real men, you know? We could take a joke.
Yeah.
Uh-
And we got ate by sharks.
"Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."
Oh, man, that movie was terrifying when I was a kid.
Oh, was it... Was that, was that the first one?
No, it's the s- second one.
I watched the first one, and the people melt.
Oh, yeah. That was crazy.
And, and, like, there's pretty scary-looking phantoms in that movie too.
Yeah. Yeah, no, the second one... The... Yeah, "The Temple of Doom" is the second one.
"Raiders of the Lost Ark," that's the first one.
Yeah.
Yeah, we wa- we watched that a long time ago, and I, I, I've been meaning to watch the second one. Someone thought it was boring that I know, and I'm like, "Really? Like, that movie's not all that bad." Like...
They're Indiana Jones. Well, how could you say they were boring?
The most, the most boring films, I'll give you a list right now. "2001: A Space Odyssey," one of the worst pieces of crap I will ever watch. [Jeff chuckling] I'll take a picture outside a movie theater and say, "Never watch '2001: A Space Odyssey.'" [both chuckling]
Not for the language.
Yeah, no, I'll, I'll give, I'll give the post some language too to really show that I hate that movie. [Jeff chuckling] Um, what else was there? There was... Oh, yeah, uh, "The Tree of Life" with Brad Pitt as this abusive dad, and it's just-
I've never even heard of that.
If you, if you... That's the perfect stoner film because you have to be in order to get through it.
I, I, I've never heard of that one.
Oh, yeah. It's awful. Um, there was another one that came to my mind. W- uh...
No, "Tree of Life," "2001: A Space Odyssey." I feel like those are the only two that I'm like, "Those were the worst things I have ever seen, ever." Anyway, uh, "Spaceballs" should be re-rated to PG-13 or R.
PG-13 I could see. That's not an R-rated movie.
That's rated PG?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Even that scene where they're, like, combing the desert, "We ain't found..."
Saying that in a rated PG film?
Hey.
Wow.
The '80s were a great time.
Oh, and it does have "Raiders of the Lost Ark" here at number 4.
And I don't get that either. Like, yeah, the people melting was kinda scary, but...
Uh, "Watership Down."
I don't even know what that is.
"Sixteen Candles." My dad loves quoting that movie. He'll go, "Hey there, hot stuff," [chuckles] all the time.
Uh, there, there were a couple spots in that I could see them, uh, being upset about.
Uh, "Poltergeist."
What was "Poltergeist" rated?
I think that was also another rated PG-13 film.
What?
Uh, "Poltergeist" rating. Let's see here. Yeah, it's rated PG. [chuckles]
What? [both laughing] What?
The 2015 remake is PG-13.
That is the most misleading rating on a movie ever. [both laughing] Y- your little kid can watch "Poltergeist." It's fine.
They're here. [chuckles]
Wow. [chuckles]
There was a time where, wh- when, when "Click" 1st came out, uh, my family and I went to go see it in the theaters. My parents thought it was an innocent Adam Sandler comedy. My sister was 8 years old. I was a teenager. And,
uh, there, there were a l- lot of jokes in there that made me so uncomfortable sitting there with my parents.
Oh, I bet.
So, and we didn't leave the theater. We watched the whole movie. We weren't like Carrie and her sissy family, you know-
I don't think I've ever walked out of a movie
... leaving the Spider-Man film. Uh, uh, I don't think I ever have either. Like, I, I... My dad hated the "Yu-Gi-Oh!" movie. When that came out, we have this family friend who is-
I might have walked out of that
... severely, severely... [Speaker 1 chuckling] He's severely autistic, and he's, he loves Yu-Gi-Oh!
Yeah.
And so we went with him and his dad, and my dad fell asleep [chuckling] during the movie. And all you could hear is, "It's time! Da, da, da, da, da!" And then you hear [snores]-
[laughing]
... right next to me the enti- the, en- the, the, for the remainder part of the movie. And I was so bored too, because I didn't know what was going on.
I've fallen asleep in the theater several times.
I've only ever fallen asleep during a "Harry Potter" film, because I hate those movies.
You monster.
And, uh, uh, now, now that I'm older, I look like Voldemort. But anyway, uh-
[laughing]
... uh, [both laughing] but... So it was a birthday party that we were, we were at. It w- uh, the k- the kid was turning 13, whatever. It was a sleepover. And I'm like, "Sweet. All right, cool." Like, "Let's, uh, uh, like, let's party it up," you know, as a 13-year-old, as thir- as 13-year-olds do.
Yeah.
And then, uh, his mom's like, "All right, let's all get in the car. We're going to the movie theater." I'm like, "What are we gonna go see?" And I don't know what else was out at the time, but I think I said those other movies. She goes, "No, we're gonna go see 'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.'"
Mm.
And I went, "Aw!" [chuckles] Like, as a 13-year-old.
You were the only kid doing that.
No, every kid fell asleep in the theater except for the one that, uh, that, uh, wanted to see the movie-
Mm-hmm
... except for the kid's bir- who, whose birthday it was.
You guys are weird.
Dude, those movies are awful, dude. I, I-
You... Oh, you didn't... [both chuckling] How dare you?
Troll in the dungeon. [laughing]
How dare you?
Uh, wh- what rating is that movie, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone?"
PG.
Uh, it's [chuckles] really funny if it wasn't. [chuckling] If it was like, rated R.
No. [both chuckling]
There's a, there's a bleep troll in the dungeon. [both chuckling] Two and a half hours? Gee.
Yeah.
All righty, where's the rating? Uh, oh, it is PG. Yeah, that's what I figured. Okay. Well...
They were all PG until they got to the last couple, then they had to bump it up to the 13, yeah.
Because all those fans grew up with them, you know?
Well, yeah, they were a little more adult-like, and the, the last couple were-
Oh, all those Muggles grew up, huh?
Oh, man.
[chuckles] Grab the Quidditch by the buckets. [both laughing]
[instrumental music] "The Noon Hour of Madness and Mayhem" is a production of Riverbend Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit riverbendmediagroup.com.
[instrumental music]