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Have you ever looked at a situation you’re facing in utter disbelief and thought, "How will I ever get over this?" Lysa TerKeurst understands. After years of heartbreak and emotional trauma, she realized it’s not about just getting over hard circumstances but learning how to work through what she has walked through. Now, she wants to help you do the same. That’s why Lysa teamed up with her personal, licensed professional counselor, Jim Cress, alongside the Director of Theological Research at Proverbs 31 Ministries, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, to bring you "Therapy & Theology." While Lysa, Jim and Joel do tackle some really hard topics, you’ll soon find they're just three friends having a great conversation and learning from each other along the way.
Hey, it's Jim Cress with you. Can you believe it? We've come to our last session together. It's been a delight for me to be here with you, and I hope that something that I've said or brought to you has been an encouragement to you and something that's been very practical in this whole realm of boundaries. I still have to work on boundaries in my life on a regular basis because, again, there are many people out there whose job it is to see a boundary and do everything they can to get around it. And as I grow older, I'm no longer so surprised by that.
Again, I've said to you before here that a manipulating, controlling or unhealthy person has never met a boundary that they've liked and they've also never met a boundary that they don't want to try to get around. So let us stop being surprised by that, can we? And say, “Yep, that's them.” You don't have to judge them and think ugly thoughts. If you do, go take that to God or somebody else, but the idea is saying, “Yeah, that's their operating system.” Hurt people hurt people in their own lives, but they don't work out. They'll act out. They'll try to act it out on you. But remember, you're changing the contract. That's me ripping a page. You're saying, “I'm not” — not we're not — “I'm not going along with this anymore.” Oh yeah, for a moment, you'll experience some grief, some loss, some loneliness. And I tell you what, there's so much love and healing and relationship, true intimacy and acceptance on the other side.
Always remember in every relationship you're in, you are worth being chosen. You're worth being chosen.
I just want to share some thoughts with you as we wrap up my part of this series and some things I'd like to leave you with. I could read the whole Psalm 23. I won't; I'll just read a part of it. "The Lᴏʀᴅ is my shepherd. I shall not want" — I'll not have any needs that He won't meet — "He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul ..." (Psalm 23:1-3, NKJV). Is that what you're after? I am — daily. God, restore my soul because I've been abused by people or taken advantage of. They've crossed my boundaries. "He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake." And this is the last part I'm leaving with you: that even though I walk through — listen, the valley — it's not the valley of death; it's “the valley of the shadow of death.” It's scary to go on and have boundaries and say, “I'm not going to be necessarily in this relationship anymore.” "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death." Will I be alone? "I will fear no evil." No, you're not alone. "For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4, NKJV).
What do I leave you with in the way of encouragement and a little bit of counsel here if you're open to it? I say it all the time to people. Don't orphan off parts of your story. “I don't want to face that.” Get in and have someone help you, a good counselor, help you work through your entire story. If you don't, you're going to be finding ways to hustle for your worthiness in work or in finances or with God or certainly in relationships. Don't hustle for your worthiness. God never wastes a wound. Whatever you've been through, I'll tell you: He is a redeeming God. He will never waste those wounds at all. You bring those wounds to God. What is there to learn from the betrayals of life that have hit you? You're worth being chosen, period, full stop. Don't settle ever again. You are worth being chosen. If someone chooses a reasonable facsimile of you or a version of you, don't settle. Please don't settle; you are worth being chosen.
My ministry and business of counseling that I work in is based on Psalm 26:11. David's writing, and I love this, and he says, "But as for me." You know what I like about that? He didn't say, “For the rest of you all.” So you can say this yourself. David said, "But as for me, I will walk." You’ve got to get up and get moving. David said, "But as for me, I will walk in my integrity." That word [integrity] means wholeness. I am whole. "But as for me, I will walk in my integrity; redeem me, and be gracious to me" (NASB). God ... He doesn't want just to restore your story or rebuild your life; He wants to redeem your story. And if you'll allow that, to take your story daily and give it to God and say, “God ...” Genesis 50:20 is so good. What someone meant for harm — and they did ... they meant to harm you — somehow, God meant for good.
There are some things that are like bumper stickers, and they're corny, and sometimes I think, Yeah, there's a lot of truth to them. Here's one. You know that today — right now, this evening, whenever you're watching this — today's the first day of the rest of your life. And today, take your own pen in hand. God's guiding you to rewrite your own story one line at a time. Create the story; have your boundaries: “This is OK with me. This is not OK with me.” You are in charge of your own self-care. God's called you to do that. Love yourself first so that you may love neighbors [and] friends later. Thank you for being part of this. You've got this. Now, go live a full story.