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Cinema PSYOPS is a weekly film review podcast where we experiment on an impressionable mind to find out why physical wounds heal, but Cinematic ones don't.
SPEAKER_1: There is very little time or point in an explanation.
SPEAKER_1: To be blunt, the audio came from a timeline and dimension that has collapsed at a quantum level, rendering it null and void in terms of existence.
SPEAKER_1: Operational time in the dimensional continuum where the beings that created the audio collapsed in on itself, rendering all of their civilization, including technology, null and void.
SPEAKER_1: Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.
SPEAKER_1: The destruction has a nexus that centers on CINEMA SILOPS.
SPEAKER_2: 10 YEARS!
SPEAKER_3: 10 years.
SPEAKER_3: Ten years!
SPEAKER_5: Ten years!
SPEAKER_6: Ten years!
SPEAKER_3: What is the most likely way humanity will be wiped out?
SPEAKER_3: Maybe it's something from space, or us.
SPEAKER_7: Although, the way the world ends might be because of you.
SPEAKER_3: And if this is the case, you wouldn't have any control over it.
SPEAKER_8: The global temperature rise underscores a chilling reality.
SPEAKER_1: On top of the initial flash of thermonuclear light, which is 180 million degrees, which catches everything on fire in a nine-mile diameter radius.
SPEAKER_1: On top of the bulldozing effect of the wind, and the old buildings coming down, and more fires, igniting more fires.
SPEAKER_1: On top of the radiation that they happened to have survived, poisoning people to death.
SPEAKER_1: On top of all of that, each one of these fires creates a mega fire that is a hundred or more square miles.
SPEAKER_1: Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.
SPEAKER_1: The destruction has a nexus that centers on cinema-sci-ops.
SPEAKER_9: A breathtaking scientific revolution is taking place.
SPEAKER_9: Biotechnology has been progressing at stunning speed, giving us the tools to eventually gain control over biology, solving the deadliest diseases, while also creating viruses more dangerous than nuclear bombs, able to devastate humanity.
SPEAKER_1: It's man returning to the most primal, violent state, as people fight over the tiny resources that remain.
SPEAKER_1: Timelines across the entire continuum are collapsing and changing.
SPEAKER_1: The destruction has a nexus that centers on CinemaSciLabs.
SPEAKER_1: 10 years!
Hello, and welcome to the 470th consecutive week of Cinema Psy Ops.
This represents the run to the end of year 10.
This is two episodes in.
I'm your host, Cort, the guy that is super excited to talk about one of his favorite films with his co-host, Matt.
Oh, my head, my brain.
I don't know, man.
This episode is doubling as a way for someone to keep an eye on Matt's cognitive functions by speech patterns.
Yeah, if I start going downhill, you'll call 911 for me.
Right.
I'm going to keep an ear out on you and make sure, and I'm going to tease your brain while we talk Wonder Boys as best I can, and make sure that you're remembering everything that happened in the film.
And if you can recall all of that stuff, it's very recently something that happened, but it also should be relatively long-term memory too, from watching the film for the show.
So I think that's a pretty good cognitive test, and it's kind of the best I can do.
And otherwise, who else is going to keep an eye on you because you're home alone, right?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, pretty much.
Well, my son's here, so.
Right.
Like I said, you're home alone.
Not wrong.
Actually, he has been checking on me.
He's a good kid.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I kid your kid.
But yeah, despite being raised by you, your son turned out just fine.
Yeah, he's pretty all right.
Absolutely.
All right.
So I am 100 percent the guy who picked Wonder Boys, which may surprise a lot of people.
It's an early 20-aughts film, and there's a reason why I picked it.
The very easy reason to explain why I picked it is basically this.
When this film was shot in Pittsburgh, I was living there.
This is a snapshot of what my life was like in Pittsburgh and how things looked in the years that I was going to college in Pittsburgh.
That's what the city looked like when I lived there to me.
The miserable raining over top of snow that is just melting kind of season that this film takes place in, that sort of is it winter or is it spring?
Will it make up its mind kind of weird gray misery that is represented in this film is my fondest memories of living in Pittsburgh for college, right?
So I have a very nostalgic reason for loving it.
And on top of that, this is some really top notch dialogue.
This is obviously a extremely clip heavy show because literally the entire film has been clipped.
I'm not kidding.
I almost all dialogue has been clipped in this film because it deserves to be.
Yeah.
So if you're ready for a clip show of a movie, basically where I've condensed down all of like removed a lot of the dead spaces between the dialogue and just condensed it all down.
And we're going to give you a Cliffs Notes of Wonder Boys.
If that's what you're looking for, this is the review you're about to get.
That's right, god damn it.
Yeah, and I'm going to gush all over it and make sure that Matt's okay while I'm doing it.
But up first, we're going to have to play the Legion Patreon ad.
And then immediately following that, as I mentioned last week, this week as well, films featured in the soundtrack.
Up first is Little Willie John with the song, I Need Your Love So Bad, on the pirate radio edit right after this.
SPEAKER_5: This will keep you quiet.
SPEAKER_5: Oh, hi there.
SPEAKER_5: I didn't see you.
SPEAKER_5: You called me cutting a new show.
SPEAKER_5: I'm Beau Ransdell and I'm one of the many creators you can find on Legion Podcasts.
SPEAKER_5: I said quiet.
SPEAKER_5: My fellow podcasters and I work hard to bring you the best in horror podcasting, but that comes at a cost.
SPEAKER_12: What's that like to live deliciously?
SPEAKER_5: Not that, but also yes.
SPEAKER_5: No, what I'm getting at is that there are server costs, costs for good microphones and software for editing, all the things that make our shows, you know, fun to listen to and you can help.
SPEAKER_5: If you're enjoying the shows on legionpodcasts.com or in the Legion Network available on iTunes and Stitcher, just about anywhere you can download a podcast really, you can help us out and get a little something for your trouble at patreon.com/legionpodcasts
SPEAKER_5: For just two bucks a month, you get a pair of movie commentaries exclusive to Patreon, and for $5, you can also join us for a monthly screening of a movie.
SPEAKER_5: All of that available on patreon.com/legionpodcasts
SPEAKER_5: We appreciate it, and thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_5: Now, back to the cutting room.
I believe that this was the song that was featured in the bar where all the Colleges were there, and one of the students asked to dance with Michael Douglas' character.
Weird as shit.
Yeah, well, if you think that's weird as shit, strap in, because this movie's gonna make you real uncomfortable for a lot of sequences.
Of course it is.
All right, Wonder Boys from 2000.
The film opens with an overture song to set the mood and credits to tell you who is in the film.
And then this moves into voiceover, and our first clip.
The young girl sat perfectly still in the confessional, listening to her father's boot scrape like chalk on the ancient steps of the church, then grow faint, then disappear altogether.
She could sense the priest beyond the great waiting.
On that particular Friday afternoon, last February, I was reading a story to my advanced writer's workshop by one James Lear, junior lit major and sole inhabitant of his own gloomy gulag.
She bit the flesh of her lip, closed her eyes, mute.
James' stories were about as sunny as his disposition.
I was distracted.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my wife had left me that morning.
So, anyone?
Maybe not.
Wives had left me before.
Carrie?
As usual, James' classmates, aware of a writer's inherent vulnerability, offered their sensitive, gentle opinions.
SPEAKER_14: I mean, Jesus, what is it with you Catholics?
All right, all right.
Let's try to be constructive here, shall we?
Howard, what about you?
SPEAKER_9: I hated it.
SPEAKER_15: His stories make me want to kill myself.
That's not exactly what I meant by being constructive, Howard.
Yes, Anna.
SPEAKER_16: I think maybe we're missing the point.
Anna Green, a talented writer who rented a room in my house, and I knew her to be insightful, kind, and compulsively clad in red cowboy boots.
I had in fact never once seen her without them.
SPEAKER_16: He respects us enough to forget us, and that takes courage.
Well put, Anna.
And a good note to end on, I think.
Oh, don't forget about WordFest this weekend.
Those of you who are driving VIPs to the cocktail party this evening should have them at the Chancellor's house no later than 5.30.
Thank you for that.
Is he all right?
SPEAKER_16: I think so.
SPEAKER_16: How about you?
SPEAKER_18: Me?
SPEAKER_18: Yeah.
SPEAKER_18: Why?
SPEAKER_16: Just checking.
Turn off the light, please.
It felt good to be in the car, alone, where I could clear my head.
Tonight was the opening of WordFest, the university's annual three-day Gabathon for writers and wannabes.
My editor, Terry Crabtree, was flying in for the event.
He alone had championed my last novel, Arsonist's Daughter, and its critical success had put us both on the map, but that was seven years ago, and I still hadn't finished my follow-up.
I knew Terry didn't give a rat's ass about WordFest.
He was coming to town to get a look at my long overdue book.
I had to keep him at bay.
Hi, Tripp.
Crabtree, how are you, my friend?
It's good to see you, Tripp.
Let me help you with this here.
Say hello to my new friend, Ms.
Antonia Slivovic.
Nice to meet you.
This way.
I took the liberty of inviting Antonia to tonight's festivities.
SPEAKER_19: The more, the merrier.
SPEAKER_18: Terry was telling me about you on the plane.
SPEAKER_18: It was all so interesting.
Well, I was just explaining to her how a book comes to be published, what you do as a writer, what I do as an editor, you know.
I sweat blood for five years, and he corrects my spelling.
SPEAKER_18: That's exactly what he said.
SPEAKER_22: Yeah, we know each other pretty well.
SPEAKER_2: And actually, it's seven years.
You know how many times I've boarded an airplane just praying that some gal like her would be sitting down beside me?
She's a transvestite.
SPEAKER_4: You're stoned.
She's still a transvestite.
SPEAKER_4: So, how's the book?
Uh, it's fine.
It's done.
Well, basically, it got a little tinkering us, so that had to do it.
SPEAKER_8: Great.
SPEAKER_4: Great.
I was hoping I could get a look at it sometime over the weekend.
Do you think that'd be possible?
It's gonna be a little tough.
I'm at a critical juncture right now.
Well, I thought you were just tinkering.
Well, I am, but I have a couple of little details I've got to work on.
I'm not gonna pressure you.
I just got off the plane, you know?
I mean, I get pressure, you know?
I get it.
SPEAKER_4: You know what I mean?
What the hell in the hootenanny you suppose that would be?
That would be a tuba.
So you didn't actually purchase this car, did you?
No, I got it from Jerry Nathan.
He owed me some money.
SPEAKER_22: Oh, he owes God money, including my commission on that full novel of his.
That perfume you're wearing, Antonio, that wouldn't happen to be Cristal, would it?
SPEAKER_18: Um, oh, yes, it is.
SPEAKER_18: How did you know?
Lucky guess.
The WordFest kickoff party was always held at Sarah and Walter Gaskell's house.
SPEAKER_18: Here we go.
She was the chancellor, which meant she oversaw the university.
Her husband, Dr.
Gaskell, was the chairman of the English department, which meant he oversaw me.
SPEAKER_18: Isn't that a nice greenhouse?
It's Mrs.
Gaskell's.
It's her hobby.
SPEAKER_22: I thought you were Mrs.
SPEAKER_22: Gaskell's hobby.
Oh, piss off.
Well, you Krabs, I lost a wife today.
SPEAKER_22: Oh, you'll find another.
She'll be young, beautiful.
SPEAKER_22: They always are.
SPEAKER_14: Oh, hello, everyone.
SPEAKER_14: Terry, good to see you again.
Chancellor, don't you look ravishing.
SPEAKER_4: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_14: These goddamn shoes.
SPEAKER_14: I don't know how anyone can walk in these things.
SPEAKER_18: Practiced.
SPEAKER_14: I don't believe we've met.
SPEAKER_18: Antonia Sleviak.
SPEAKER_14: Poe, Poe, Poe.
SPEAKER_23: Poe, stop.
SPEAKER_14: Poe.
SPEAKER_12: That wouldn't be Walter's dog, would it?
SPEAKER_19: Poe.
SPEAKER_18: Who's he barking at now?
He's still barking at me.
He's blind.
Stop this.
SPEAKER_14: Honestly.
Excuse me, I need to talk to you for a second, Chancellor.
SPEAKER_14: It's funny, I need to talk to you too.
SPEAKER_14: Maybe you could come and take these coats to the upstairs guest room, Professor Trev.
I'd be happy to, Chancellor, if I knew where the upstairs guest room was.
SPEAKER_14: All I could show you.
SPEAKER_8: Terry.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_8: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_9: We'll make ourselves at home.
We'll let Poe show us around.
SPEAKER_9: Thanks.
That's new, isn't it?
SPEAKER_14: Yeah, Walter just got it back from the framer.
SPEAKER_14: You first.
SPEAKER_17: This morning...
SPEAKER_14: I'm pregnant.
SPEAKER_14: I'm sure.
SPEAKER_17: Well, that's...
SPEAKER_17: that's very surprising.
SPEAKER_17: Does Walter know that...
SPEAKER_14: I think Walter would find this a little more than surprising.
Emily left me this morning.
SPEAKER_5: She's left before.
SPEAKER_17: She's left the room before, but she's always come back.
SPEAKER_25: So...
SPEAKER_14: I guess we just divorce our spouses, marry each other, and have this baby, right?
SPEAKER_25: Simple.
SPEAKER_15: Yeah, right, thanks.
SPEAKER_15: Simple, you know.
SPEAKER_14: Is that Christophe?
SPEAKER_14: Oh, God.
SPEAKER_14: I wear the same scent as a transvestite.
SPEAKER_14: She is a transvestite, isn't she?
SPEAKER_17: She's not now.
SPEAKER_17: Terry will make sure she is, Emily.
SPEAKER_17: Has he asked you about the book yet?
SPEAKER_17: Yes.
SPEAKER_4: And?
SPEAKER_4: Are you gonna tell him?
SPEAKER_17: No.
SPEAKER_17: Maybe I don't.
SPEAKER_17: I don't know what to do.
SPEAKER_4: Me either.
SPEAKER_24: Well, DiMaggio's record for hits in consecutive games is probably the most impressive feat in all of sports, and in my opinion, will never be broken.
SPEAKER_17: Come here, big guy.
SPEAKER_18: His condition's so sad.
SPEAKER_24: Yes, but even blind, he still gets around.
I don't drink, normally.
But this was turning out to be one fucked up day.
And now I found myself in close proximity to Sarah's husband and his dog, Poe.
Walter, I see you met my friend.
SPEAKER_24: Oh yes, she's charming.
Despite his much-wanted Harvard education, Dr.
Walter Gaskell didn't have a clue about his wife and me.
SPEAKER_24: Simply put, DiMaggio represented, metaphorically speaking, of course, the husband as Slugger.
Poe had been on to me since day one.
SPEAKER_24: In fact, I present to you that every woman in some way desires to be Marilyn Monroe.
SPEAKER_18: Oh, I couldn't agree more.
SPEAKER_6: Sure, I've had a lot of successes.
Q was rich.
SPEAKER_17: Q was famous.
Q completed a novel every 18 months.
SPEAKER_17: I hated him.
SPEAKER_6: My finest work vanished in resident five, so I find myself conflicted.
Ask him if he's conflicted about his house in the Hamptons.
SPEAKER_3: Well, Professor...
Q, for your information, Anne already has two stories published at the Paris Review, so you better dust off your A material.
SPEAKER_6: You didn't tell me you were a writer.
SPEAKER_16: He didn't ask.
SPEAKER_18: How did you feel about the adaptation?
SPEAKER_8: I thought it was more literary than cinematic.
SPEAKER_8: Brady.
SPEAKER_12: I was Tridley, Hamhurst.
SPEAKER_12: I've had Arsonist daughter on my graduate study syllabus three years running.
I wonder if it's still in print.
SPEAKER_8: Long time since Arsonist daughter.
After this, Brady sneaks outside and lights up a joint and eavesdrops on his illicit lover and her pretentious-as-fuck husband before coming across James, who is standing in the woods holding a gun and looking morose-as-fuck.
James is always telling a story and pretty much lies with everything he says, so when he tells this grand story about something, you know it's a lie and that the gun is real and that kid was going to do something dreadful with it.
Whether it was going into the party and emptying it into people or emptying it into himself, while people in the party hear him from there and have to come find him, whatever it was, it was not going to be good.
Yeah, no, you get the bad vibes right away.
Grady offers James a hit from his joint and James refuses in our next clip.
Oh, thank you.
I don't like to lose control of my emotions.
I'm not supposed to be here in case you're wondering, but the other night I was out with Hannah at the movies and she asked me since she was coming, so I ended up coming too.
You and Hannah, you sing each other?
No, what gave you that idea?
James, relax.
I'm not her father.
I just rent her a room.
She likes old movies like I do, that's all.
So what's the movie you guys saw?
Son of Fury with Tyrone Power and Francis Farmer.
She went crazy, Francis Farmer.
So did Gene Tierney.
She's in it too.
Sounds like a good one.
It wasn't bad.
You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp.
You're not like my other students, James.
Look, James, about this afternoon workshop, I'm sorry.
I think I let things get a little out of hand.
They really hated it.
I think they hated it more than any of the other ones.
Well...
It doesn't matter.
It only took me an hour to write.
Really?
SPEAKER_17: That's remarkable.
I have trouble sleeping.
While I'm lying in bed, I figure them out.
The stories.
You cold, James?
Oh, a little.
Why don't we go inside?
It's colder in there.
I guess you're right.
Actually, I saw the greenhouse.
I thought I'd come outside and take a look at it.
It looks like heaven.
It looks like heaven.
I saw a movie once.
Part of it took place in heaven.
Everyone wore white.
Lived in crystal houses like that.
I really should be going.
Goodbye, Professor Tripp.
Hey, James.
James, don't go.
No.
There's something I want you to see.
I'll miss my bus.
It's worth it.
SPEAKER_17: Trust me.
SPEAKER_16: Let me help you.
SPEAKER_16: James, are you riding with me?
No, I'm going home.
No, he's going with me.
Why don't you take Crabtree and his friend?
Right?
SPEAKER_16: All right.
Where are they anyway?
Here we are.
SPEAKER_22: Well, hello there.
James, this is my editor, Terry Crabtree.
James.
SPEAKER_16: James will know about George Sanders.
George Sanders?
SPEAKER_16: Mr.
SPEAKER_16: Crabtree was saying how George Sanders killed himself, only he couldn't remember how.
Pills, April 25th, 1972, in a Costa Brava hotel room.
How comprehensive of you.
SPEAKER_16: James is amazing.
SPEAKER_16: He knows all the movie suicides.
SPEAKER_16: Go ahead, James, tell him.
There are so many.
SPEAKER_16: Well, just a few, the big ones.
Pierre Angeli, 1971 or 72, also pills.
Donald Redberry shot himself in 1980.
Charles Boyer, 1978, pills again.
Charles Butterworth, 1946, I think, in a car.
Supposedly, it was an accident, but you know, he was distraught.
Dorothy Dandridge, pills, 1965.
Albert Decker, 1968, he hung himself.
He wrote his suicide note and lipstick on his stomach.
William Inge, carbon monoxide, 1973.
Carol Landis, pills again.
I forget when.
George Reeve, Superman on TV, shot himself.
Gene Seabird, pills, of course, 1979.
Everett Sloan, he was good.
Pills.
Margaret Sullivan, pills.
Lupe Velez, a lot of pills.
Gig Young, he shot himself and his wife in 1978.
There are tons more.
SPEAKER_16: I haven't heard of half of them.
You did them alphabetically?
It's just how my brain works, I guess.
Fascinating.
Say, why don't you come out with us?
After the lecture, does this place up on the hill always get Tripp to take me?
Actually, I just want to go home.
Don't be silly.
No one your age just wants to go home.
Besides, faculty will be present.
Just consider it a field trip.
Is that really it?
SPEAKER_17: That's really it.
The one she wore on her wedding day.
SPEAKER_15: So I'm told.
SPEAKER_17: Really?
SPEAKER_15: Really.
She was small.
Most people don't know that.