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Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:00:02
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center's podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, Clinical Director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness. Okay, so today we're going to talk about little hinges swing big doors. Tell me what that means to you. Well, it's a little thing. I've always worked with, individually with myself and with kids,
00:00:33
how do you eat an elephant? And the answer is one bite at a time. Now, if you want to eat an elephant, the size, it's massive. And when people see an entire project, everything that they need to do, oftentimes they get disengaged, they get freaked out. And you're like, oh, I can't do this. But a prime example would be schoolwork.
00:01:06
You've got, I know I just went back to school to get my master's. The syllabus states I've got a 30-page paper to do at the end of the semester. The semester is, you know, how many months? Five, six? You can freak out about that and say, oh, my gosh, at some point I've got to really put together a 30-page paper. Or what I did going back as a working adult, is I would do two to three pages a week. And I would start on week one, and I would literally get all the research,
00:01:37
everything I needed to do on the first week, and then every week after that I would just do two or three pages. I would write and then edit. I always had my paper done a week or two weeks in advance. So I guess that's the one example. But little hinges swing big doors. A lot of the big things happen. This comes from my... Yeah, I like this because I think one of the buzzwords that's happening right now is over-stimulation.
00:02:10
Like, oh, I'm over-stimulated. Right. Or, and that overwhelm, like I'm overwhelmed, right? And I feel like a lot of times when it comes to mental health concerns, when it comes to even growing up in chaotic environments, hostile environments, environments where there's a lot of fighting or yelling, sometimes, like, that's the thing that happens is our nervous system gets over-stimulated. And so when we have a lot of things coming at us, our brain kind of shuts down that creative process.
00:02:42
where you can itemize and, like, do the things that are necessary, you know, prioritize it. I've shared multiple times that I personally, the first thing to go when I'm overwhelmed is brushing my teeth and shouting. I, those things, I cannot for the life of me. make a habit. I literally every single day have to consciously choose to brush my teeth, even at 38, even though I do it twice a day, even though I have done it for 38 years. Like, I, when I'm over stimulated, that's the first thing that gets like goes out of my brain.
00:03:16
And so I think that it's really important because we as a society love to be like over busy. Like it is a badge of honor to a lot of parents to have their kids doing a lot of things. And so it's, even though it's a buzzword, I think it makes sense that we are all really overstimulated at the data that's rushing at us at all times. We are in the knowledge age for sure. And a great point. The overstimulation will come from any social media period. And how many apps do we now have for social media? A lot.
00:03:51
I know for Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center, we need social media because that's how we communicate. And so we give updates, men, men, You know, just relevant information, contact information. But I really think so many people utilize the social media for comparison. So when you're getting that overstimulation, it will come from, oh, well, look what she has. Well, I would love a body like that. Oh, how do you get your hair to look like?
00:04:21
Whatever it is, how do they afford that? The overstimulation comes from comparison. And I also think, too, like, you can't tell what's real and fake anymore because of AI. Yeah, and filtered and filters, and there's, like, auto-tunes for not just, like, voices or, like, skin complexion, whatever. Like, people are constantly adjusting things and making it, and sometimes you can't even tell. No, I had something the other day where it was on one of the social medias that I was looking at,
00:04:53
and I had no idea why I was searching it, but it was AI interpreted. It was an interpretive of political leaders. And they had them doing things in, like, alleys. And I'm like, what? And looked just, I mean, it was them, right? But it was all AI generated. And to your point, I have no idea what's real anymore because I actually just don't even, I get my news information, I get my current up-to-date information, and I'm done. Because with AI, there is so much that changes and so much you're questioning. The overstimulation will get you down a rabbit hole.
00:05:27
that you probably can't get back out of. Or it will be very hard to. So you must be careful. Yeah, I think, too, that's a really good point, is that that's a good place to start, is to cut back on your screen time. Absolutely. Whether it's the news, whether it's social media. Obviously, you know, you can zone out. I think a lot of people do scroll or they, like, binge watch TVs because their nervous system is just, like, fried from everything else. And so if you have, like,
00:05:58
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. you know limit your screen time and then you can prioritize some stuff and like fit in screen time where it is so that way you can um i always personally think that like no screen time at least an hour before bed is really helpful there's a lot of reflective time that night before going to bed just because i want to clear out the day and then i do the same thing when i wake up because they go work out um so yes that's true but you know it's interesting the little.
00:06:29
hedges swing big doors so many people focus on the big door you can go anywhere it doesn't matter hotel um you know places you visit palaces all these doors are supported by these little things, but we focus on the big crime focus on what we see we don't see the little things that add up to the big things um and you know schools for sure because you've got you know through 12 and then you've got college and the masters or doctrine beyond that.
00:07:00
And so many people focus on great grades at 26.2 miles, so not easy. But everybody, when you talk to them, they did one mile at a time. They got to one mile, you know, and now, like, oh, my gosh, complete mile one, and I've got 25.2. 25. Right. No, that's mile one. I ran a marathon in 2018, and I ran the first 17 without even hesitating. Right.
00:07:30
Like, my brain was gone. And then when I got to, I don't know, I ran, like, five more miles or whatever, but, like, there was a big sign that was, like, five more miles or whatever, or whatever it was. And I was, like, oh, my God, are you, no, it was a 10K, right? Yeah. Something like that. Like, it was, like, some sign was, like, this, and I was, like, 10K, yay, oh, no, that's six miles. Right. Like, I got six more miles, and I started panicking, and I walked, and, like.
00:08:01
If I hadn't changed my mindset, I don't think I would have completed it, because I had just been like, I just ran 70 miles, and I was so proud of myself, but then as soon as this sign came up to tell me how much longer I still had, I was like, I can't do this, I can't do this, but even though I had been training for months, it was definitely like that, because I think that overwhelm of like, oh man, that's heavy, that's a lot to do. Well, and it's interesting, because that's where pretty much so many different people's philosophies are in so many different things in life. Take mental health, for instance. So many people, when they're not feeling well, or come to us and they need guidance, they don't focus on everything they're doing right.
00:08:43
They don't focus on how far they've come to overcome what they're doing, and what's going on in life. They focus on, oh, I just, I don't feel really good right now, and I've just got to do this. So, don't focus on how much more you've got to go, because look at the point he's at. Oh my gosh, I can't. believe I've got another five, six miles to go. That's the worst thing you could possibly do. Instead of saying, look, I just ran 21. Look at how far I've come. Look at everything I've accomplished. And that goes for kids, it goes for adults, it goes for everybody.
00:09:16
So many people will question where they are. And instead of looking at every experience that shaped them and developed them, they look and say, well, I've got so much more to go. Now, this is my goal, but I'm nowhere near that. Okay. But look how far you've come. Right? It's, we're in February. January is always the big get in shape. Okay, after the holidays, makes sense. But what happens three weeks into January? People quit. I would say.
00:09:52
the numbers are around 70 to 80% of the people who started quit. Why? Because they're saying to themselves, oh my gosh. only the third week. I don't see results. I don't see results. I think that's a big one too because I think one of the things is with social going back to social media is that comparison that oh my god Beyonce looks like this she does this she has this great voice she has like this whole thing and she makes millions of dollars but like people don't realize that she has a whole team.
00:10:23
that like filled with her. She practices every single night over and over again leading up to each show like she learns the stages and she does all these things and there's all these like big things that make her Beyonce right and I think like that's the thing is like we expect these results we say oh well I worked out so now I should like have my dream body and it's just like well no like people who show up on social media do it every single day they also edit their bodies.
00:10:54
like you need to show up every single day for a year to see what has changed and then you can see it. And I think if we weren't so focused on the results, because even when we do do the workout every single day for a year, we might not actually have the body that we dreamt of, right? Because we're trying to compare ourselves to something that's not realistic. So, like, show up and show, like, enjoy the process as you go. And I think, like, that's what people forget sometimes is that, like, you need to enjoy the journey because the starting point is one small speck and the result is one small speck.
00:11:32
I had this experience when I was writing my first book. I had been writing it for 12 years. I started it, couldn't figure out how to get the premise, da-da. Twelve years later, I'm like, I'm going to do this. I wrote three-fourths of it in, like, six months. Right. And then stopped and got four. I was like, it's going to be lame. It's going to do, no one's going to read it. Like, whatever. And, like, I just, like, got in my head. And then one day, I saw someone's New Year's resolution, and they finished a book, and they got it published, and I read the book, and I was like, oh, well, I could do better than that, you know?
00:12:09
Right. And so then I finished it in a weekend, and when I completed it, I was like, 12 years in the making, yes! And I texted everybody who knew I was doing it, and then I was like, now what? Right. Like, I have no idea, I just made this huge thing about, like, how long it took or whatever, and then it was literally an hour, and I got my, like, hi from telling everyone I finished it, and then I was like, hmm, well, that's over now, like, what?
00:12:42
Next? Yeah, so like... Well, because you've made it a big deal. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So think of this, you start day one brushing your teeth, are you going to have clean teeth? No. Okay. You go three days brushing your teeth, are you going to have clean teeth? Cleaner. Cleaner, right? One week two weeks. It doesn't matter right somewhere in the process of weeks to months of you every day doing it You're gonna have clean teeth, right? You work out nine hours in one day. Is that gonna make you fit? Oh make you sore.
00:13:15
Maybe even hospitalized you guys, What are you doing? But really, Working out one day does absolutely nothing. You're not gonna see any results, We focus so much on metrics. Oh I don't see results yet. Guess what? There's a word I live by it's called endurance, That is where you literally get up every day, Or every other day or whatever it is you plan for yourself for three or four or five times a week, But you hold yourself accountable through the endurance.
00:13:47
When you don't want to get up you get up and you go and something and I try to tell this to every kid An adult I work with something magical happens in a time frame that I can't describe. But when you do it persistently through endurance, something happens where you get clean teeth, you get the body shape you're looking for. Now, diet, exercise, everything plays a factor into this. But when you stick with it and endure, something magical happens.
00:14:20
The challenge we don't have is that we stutter. We just don't finish. That's our challenge. So that's why the little things make the biggest difference. The little things just win the biggest doors. We want to focus on immediate results or I'm doing this and I don't get results. That doesn't matter. Focus on endurance every day. Yeah, and I think that, too, with endurance, when you do it, even when you don't want to, is when you start to build self-trust. Because when we stop showing up for ourselves, we start to lose trust in ourselves.
00:14:54
Just like if someone who said they're going to be responsible wants to pick you up at a certain time, it doesn't show up at that certain time, that's going to be like, oh, and then they give you an excuse, and then all of a sudden, three, four times later, you no longer trust this person, because they aren't holding their word, we do that with ourselves as well, where we, if we say we're going to do something, we don't show up, just because it's, like, the beginning part is novel, right, it's new, it feels new, it's exciting, we have that motivation from adrenaline, we have that motivation that comes from newness, right?
00:15:30
And then when three, two, three comes around, you no longer have that, like, novelty, it's the same now, so, like, then this is where the choice of just, like, okay, I'm going to do it no matter how I feel, and then you build that trust with yourself, and then when you have that trust, you build self-esteem, resilience, and then it becomes something that becomes a little bit more natural. Oh, absolutely, it's trust with yourself and trust with others, it's the same thing, it's daily things, little hinges swing big doors, the daily things you do, that people will trust you, based on persistence. and endurance, and then you will trust yourself, too, so that's an absolutely normal point.
00:16:04
And I also think, too, there becomes a time when you stop seeking the result, and you start enjoying the journey, and it becomes the point where you can notice the difference. Like, when I, I've been working out since July of last year, and when I don't work out, because I try to make it, like, four times a week, when I don't work out, like, yesterday was an off day, because I had a really hard workout on Monday, or whatever it was. Or Tuesday, I took an off day, and when I was, like, in the middle of the day, I was.
00:16:35
like, oh, man, I just don't feel, like, 100% right now, and I was like, oh, I didn't work out today, and so I started to notice the difference on the flip side, which is, I noticed that I don't feel as good, or grounded, or at ease when I don't work out, and so now it's all about, like, I don't even give myself a choice anymore, it's become a habit, because I literally can tell the difference when I don't work out, as opposed to before. I wasn't motivated because I didn't know the difference. I didn't experience that.
00:17:05
And now I trust myself to be like, oh, yeah, I can feel the difference in my body. Well, it takes 30 days to make a habit. They've said 21, but I say 30. I give it the full month. And when it becomes autonomic, where you trust the process, where you just realize that you can do this, and you do it without thinking. And I give examples of very simple things. Tying your shoes. Taking a shower. Brushing your teeth. These are all things you've done so many times in your life that you now do it autonomic.
00:17:35
You just do it without thinking, right? That can be working out, too. That can be reading. If you're talking to somebody who's been dyslexic his whole life, well, guess what? That never stopped me from reading. Now, were there times that I read and I'm like, what the heck did I just read? Or I'd skip words? Yes. So then I'd have to come back and I'd do it again. But the bottom line is where it becomes autonomic is where you just keep reading. and you'll get there's a lot more tools than when i grew up there's a lot more resources out there.
00:18:06
for that but the bottom line is you have it in the reading world you have to go read you have to do, what you don't want to do daily and then it becomes autonomic yeah and i also think too that, it's one of those things where it's autonomic except for when you get into a high situation and you're talking about the over stimulation right which means means that we need to go back to the fact of like there doesn't if you just take away the choice right it's not there's no.
00:18:37
choice in it because it makes you feel good and so you need to brush your teeth because i think like a lot of times when people are depressed and they don't shower they know psychologically that if they got into the shower they would feel better because it makes sense but there's like this avoidance to it and there's a lot of like executive dysfunction when you're overstimulated so choose, Choosing to get in the shower is hard, and so then you just have to take away the choice of, there's no choice, you just do it.
00:19:09
Yeah, just do it. Nike. Well, it is, because there's a lot of things you're not going to want to do. And, you know, the time period, we didn't get a lot of choices from just being transparent. You know, it was an option, but today's generation, we're in the knowledge age, the youth is very wise today and intelligent. They just, they come from, you know, their energy.
00:19:42
You know, with that being said, there's a lot of things they don't want to do. Understood, because, you know, there's a lot of things you need to do to protect yourself and not direct yourself. But at the same time, when it's a requirement at home, school, sports team. That's where Nike comes in to just do it. You don't get a choice. You got to get it, right? And it's going to make you grow because tension and friction is what makes you grow. So, you know, little things you do will make a big impact. Yeah. I think one of the things that I think would be a really good suggestion for parents.
00:20:17
is that if your kids do want to quit, break it down into smaller pieces so that it's not so overwhelming. So if they have 12 chapters to read in their book and they don't really like reading and they don't really like doing it, maybe tell them, okay, read a chapter. If that still seems like too long because they've flipped through and they say, oh, no, there's 30 pages in this chapter. Right. Then be like, okay, well, read 10. Right. And then from there, like, give me 10 more, you know? And then slowly do, you know, and then, of course, like, take breaks, too.
00:20:50
Like, break it down, but, like, continue. Like, okay, set a timer. You got 10 minutes. And when you come back, you got 10 pages. Right. You know? Again, 10-minute timer. You got a break. And I think we have to figure out some way to chunk it down, make it bite-sized, if we're going to eat the elephant. Well, I mean, I go back to grade school spelling. Mrs. Herberger, which she was unique, but she'd give us the toughest words towards the end of the year.
00:21:20
And she did that in 7th and 8th grade, both years. And the thing was, I think she knew I was dyslexic without being dyslexic. And so she would, you know, it would be a long word, gosh, 12, 16 letters, right? And that's exactly what she would say, but she'd say it in such a stern voice. She originally thought it was mean, but really it was stern. It was direct, talking right to me. Break it down. Separate into, let's say, 12 words. Separate it into three categories of four. Okay. When I did that, then I memorized it.
00:21:52
It was a lot easier to memorize because, okay, there's three categories, four letters. Boom. I would always get 100%. I'm a percuss. Always a straight A. Why? Because she just would make me break it down, you know, individually. I love that. So I agree with that. I think just anything that you can chunk down so that they can do it in simpler tasks. Because if you see the whole layout, if you see everything, you're just going to be like, especially in the neurodiverse, ADHD, dyslexic, autistic, you're going to be like, ah, screw it, I'm not even going to do it. Because that's what you do.
00:22:22
There's too much to do, I'm not even going to do it. But if you just start with one little thing, one little task at a time, row, clean your room, they're going to see the whole room they don't want to do it. All right, let's start with the laundry, just the laundry. Yeah, pick up the clothes. Just pick up the clothes. What goes dirty here, what can get pulled up here. Then they see, oh, wow, I can see my room now. Good. Now work on your desk. Yeah, I like that. There's another one, too, where I think that you can always remind people,
00:22:53
because I think it's always helpful when you have, like, an ideal or a role model of someone that, your admire their kids are admiring um and they're saying oh i want to quit school or i want to quit like whatever i think learning how many hours a player has spent in the batting cages to like be where he's at or like i think it's really helpful there's a story once of a dad who caught his kid doing drugs and he came in and he looked at the kid and like shook his head and the and kicked.
00:23:26
like other kid out and uh the kid came running out was like you know hey like trying to make all these excuses like whatever and he goes i want you to sit and think about it for the next 24 hours and he he said and he said to his kid he said because you told me that you wanted to be like Michael Jordan that you wanted to be like Kobe Bryant and then you do that so i need you to think about that for a minute and so the next day he came back and asked his kid like you, well what what's going on you know like whatever.
00:24:00
And he's like, I do want to be like Michael Jordan. I do want to be Kobe. And she's like, do you think that Michael Jordan and Kobe are at the end of the block with the kids that are smoking weed every day that quit school and joined the gangs? And he was like, no. He's like, okay, then you need to make better choices. Because if that's who you want to be, by all means, go follow the crowd. But if you want to be like Jordan and Kobe or like somebody that you admire, you need to go do your schoolwork and you need to do these things.
00:24:31
And he said it was the most powerful lesson that he ever experienced from his dad because he already knew that he had messed up. He already was disappointing. Like there was no need for his dad to reiterate how disappointed he was. But telling him that he was not making the right choices to go down the road that he wanted, made him make the right choices. Because he was showing rather than... And I think for a lot of parents... It's really hard because we have a fear that the kid is going to make bad choices.
00:25:04
or do things that can have consequences long-term, you know, so we get panicked and we want to, like, shake it into them. But people don't learn that way. And I think that it's really important to remember, like, if a kid wants to quit, like, listen to their frustrations because I know as an adult when I go to work and I have a bad day, I just want to quit. But I know that I can't because I have this longer-term, like, thing. So, like, you have to be that sound of reason for them.
00:25:35
because they don't necessarily have that long-term understanding of what the consequences really are for, yeah, because they don't know because their world is kind of small and not fully formed. Well, absolutely, and that too. So it's like when you start, especially when they start to become teenagers and, you know, considering dating and, you know, everything else, it's like you only need money. Well, guess what? If it takes them, like, 20 bucks, and then they want to go out on a date, $20 really probably won't go much for them on a date.
00:26:10
You start to realize, well, I'm going to need a better job. Then you start to kind of prioritize, well, I'm going to have to be able to afford this. Life lessons come very uniquely. And rewinding a little bit, one of the things I was thinking about endurance, too, you know, the Beatles, there's a thing called the 10,000-hour. It takes 10,000 hours to really master. So the Beatles played 10,000 hours in local pubs in Ireland before they ever got to a main stage.
00:26:50
And then, you know, the rest is history. How many, you know, they just literally launched a revolution. But before them, you could go. and you'd see the Beatles on stage, and you'd be like, who are they, right? But they were great. You need 10,000 hours to master your craft. That's a long commitment, but at the same time, the 10,000 hours are going to go by anyway. Right. And I also think that kids get a false sense of thing because of viral, right? So kids will be like, oh, this person got 2,000 likes or whatever.
00:27:24
in less than half an hour. Right. And they're going viral, and they didn't have to do much. But that is actually not true, right? People who have gone viral have put in hours and times posting and doing these things, sharing their, whether it's music or whatever they're doing, multiple days, multiple times, whatever, over and over again, honing their craft behind scenes. And so having a viral video isn't just viral because of one time they posted one video and it gained traction.
00:27:56
It was one of the thousands that they had. I'm done. And it just took off before they didn't realize it, you know. That's what viral means. I think people start to compare that. Like, oh, this person just posted that one video and got it cleaned. No. How many videos and stuff have they done before that? And what went into those videos, too, because you got the putting together, the audio, all the things. It doesn't just, like, happen. So I think that people can kind of lose sight of that because it seems so readily available.
00:28:26
That it's so quick, too. Overnight. I went to bed and then all of a sudden my comment section. But nobody sees, like, how many things that happened beforehand. How many times did you post that video? How many times have you said that thing? Had the go on a podcast and had the conversations before you could actually be comfortable enough. And then that is how you got the video that went viral. You know, you see the tip of the iceberg out of the water, but you don't see what's underneath. And that's the hard work that goes with it. Again, it goes with endurance, what I've said before.
00:28:57
You have to be willing to endure. Endure. for whatever achievement and accomplishment you want. I always say achievement and accomplishment because that aligns with endurance. Goal can be anything. So everybody sets a goal on January 1st to look a certain way. That's a goal. It has no impact on what they're going to get to or not. But an achievement or accomplishment is a must. You're going to find ways to make sure you eat right, you work out daily, you do the little things, the little hinges at some big doors. So you set that achievement and that accomplishment because that's a must. Versus a goal is like, ah, maybe it happened, maybe it won't.
00:29:30
It's a big difference. Yeah, and I think, too, one of the things is to always remember the why behind your doing. For me, I think for me, multiple times I have tried to work out and do the fitness thing, but having my grandma pass away because of something that she literally could have walked and it was the thing that was like, okay, well, if I'm upset with her that she's not trying to walk again after hip surgery.
00:30:00
and that that just, like, was the ending of that, then it became a why. It was like, okay, I'm like, if I'm going to say this to somebody about working out, then I need to, because, and then it made more sense to me, too, because it's better to have muscles now than it is to try to gain them back when you're 80, 90, you know, so that is a long-term goal. So figuring out your why and, like, why kids, and I think that that's a hard one because kids don't know why they have to go to school.
00:30:30
They just know that they have to. It's part of the process. It's why do I have to do this homework while I have to. When you have a why, you can burn through the hour. So you really have to get that inspiration inside of you to say, well, like, for me, being dyslexic and with ADHD my whole life, I'd have chemistry. Okay, I never had any intention beyond senior year of high school of using chemistry. But my philosophy was chemistry. I'm sure it was better. I was still going to get a B or above, and I did.
00:31:03
Now, LME, legally, morally, ethically, I found a way that creatively could, you know, study and do well, and I did it, right? But I wasn't just going to take a D because I wasn't going to do chemistry. No. I wasn't going to master it either because I didn't need chemistry, but I wasn't going to have chemistry well. And I think that that's something that comes internal. You can't teach it. It's just whether you want to be pushed to that level or whether you want to, you know, experience what you want to. Yeah. I also think, too, one of the ways to switch the mindset from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, which is, I talked about it in one of our other podcasts,
00:31:42
was fixed mindset is the rigid thinking of, like, it's all or nothing. We tend to be catastrophic thinking that. Sure. One thing goes wrong, but it's all. Yeah. It's a lot of problem thinking that happens if I fix my mindset. And we tend not to want to get outside of our comfort zone and fix because we just want to so maybe we won't try Bowling because we hate it because we're not good at it, or maybe we won't try, Ceramics because it's creative and I'm just not a creative person because I like math right like we'll tend to stay where we feel.
00:32:18
Comfortable because we're good at it. We won't push outside of our comfort zone, But with a growth mindset we look at everything as like a skill to build and so when you want to switch that for, Parents and teaching their kids. I think celebrating the small victories and trying something So like there's another story that I heard of a parent who every day at dinner would ask everyone How did you fail today? What was one thing you failed or like one thing you got rejected? You know because like that's a common thing in life is you're going to constantly get nose and you're gonna constantly fall down.
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Because life isn't fair even though we want it to be life is also very hard There's lots of I, ebbs and flows, and in those ebbs, like, you have to, like, be okay with it, it can't be the end-all be-all, because that's what life is, for the, your entire life, you're gonna have these hiccups, and he would ask these things, and it became normal, so that they didn't feel so bad, like, when they, or when they got rejected, and so every day they would kind of one-up each other, trying to be like, oh yeah, well, I actually went outside my comfort zone today, and I, you know, did this thing, and it, I, I got a no,
00:33:27
a big no, or whatever, and so it became this, like, normalizing of, like, these small, like, things that, you know, where we put ourselves out there, and we didn't actually get it, but that's okay, because that's part of the process, and then also the small celebrations of, like, well, you did that, though, like, you put yourself out there, you did this thing, you went outside your comfort zone, and it didn't work out that well right now, but if you did it again, and you had fun, do it again. Right, well, and I always, you know, keep politics out of it, but Moreau, Ross Moreau, when he was a sales associate.
00:33:59
All right, yo. That was door-to-door in the 70s. So they would literally knock on the door with a suit and tie and get doors slammed in their face. He calculated that 50 people were going to tell him no before he got one yes. So he was gloriously looking forward to people slamming the door in his face. He knew he was going to get one yes after that. So his idea was every day he was going to get up and get through as many 50s as he could just so he could get the one yes. So if you went 10 people in and you got a yes, hey, it's early day. I can get 50. So that's why he became the top performer in sales is because he looked forward to them.
00:34:33
He looked forward to the calculation of, I know I'm going to fail a number of 50 times before I actually succeed once. Done. Yeah. I think that sometimes we, like an example, if we're working out and going to the gym, it can be scary to go there by yourself because you might not know how to do it. You might feel like you're going to look like a fool. But I doubt it. It just feels that way. But the next time that you do it, you're going to look like a fool. you it won't be as scary for your nervous system the next time you go you'll be even better and.
00:35:05
the next time you might even prepare a little bit more for it and then you next thing you know you're a personal trainer you know so like i think it's one of those things where the first time is always going to be hard it's not always going to be awkward it's going to you you're not going to succeed the way it is and so you have to remind yourself i heard this quote once about artists who like like make art they always like admire people's art and then they make their own and they always are like oh i wish my art didn't look like i made it right but that's the point of art.
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and so sometimes you get like oh i wish it didn't look so because you can you can see all the mistakes that you made but when someone else looks at it they don't see that because they didn't see the process yeah exactly so i think it's really important to shift that like mindset of like it's going to be uncomfortable but you're not going to be uncomfortable with it and i think that's going to die you're going to be fine you'll be fine just one step at a time, Chunk it down, little bits, little pieces, and then big picture, little hinges, swing big doors. You just realize that the little things you do will add up.
00:36:10
Don't try to eat the whole of them, one bite at a time, one process. And milestones are a good one, too. So if you have an ultimate long-term goal, the next thing is like, yeah, chunk it down into what can you do today. Maybe you have three steps that you can make today. When will you know you have at least some progress? Take a picture, take comparison. One example that I like to see when people are drawing is every year they do the same picture. So after one full year, they paint the same picture or they draw the same picture.
00:36:43
And then the next year, they'll paint the same picture again, over and over again, every year that they process. And then they show it, the growth of it, and it's just like so beautiful. And you can see how their aesthetic changes for years. You know? And they're medium or whatever. And so it's really pretty. Or, like, people take pictures or measurements when they're working out. Like, little milestones of, like, okay, chunk it down. At this milestone, I'll know I have made progress,
00:37:13
and that's going to motivate me to the next small process. And then who knows, a year later, you're, like, fully into it and, you know. Well, that's fantastic. Great example. Yeah. So is there anything else you think that would be helpful for parents to remind kids that, like, to stay motivated, to break things down, and when they're overstimulated, prioritize? Well, nothing speaks louder than actions and behaviors. So by you doing it yourself, when you get a big project and you can show them that you will break it down in chunks,
00:37:46
daily goals, daily achievements, they're going to model that. And then encourage them, you know, just one thing at a time. I always say, How are you? You know, how you keep your house is how you keep your family. So if you are at home and things are just completely out of place and everything around, take some time to organize. Organize your room, their room. Organize the house. Because what you do at home, you're going to do at work. What you do at home, you do at the classroom. What you do on the field, in the court. Take time, even when you don't want to. Chunk it down. Might happen over days and weeks. But get everything organized.
00:38:27
Because when you're organized in your environment, you're organized in your mind, too. Yeah. It can be a reflection of what's in your mind, too. The chaos, clutter, etc. We might be holding on to things literally and figuratively in our mind, in our invisible backpack, and in our homes. And I also like to, like a lot of times, to kind of break it down is reverse engineering. So if this is my goal, my long-term goal, what would I need to do to get there? And then maybe I need help. Because a lot of times, sometimes when we're overstimulating... We would need, like, body doubling, where we need someone to, like...
00:39:00
talk with us. Maybe they don't need a help, but maybe we can have a friend come over and we can help. You can sit there and chat and do, you know, or parallel play a lot of times happens where like you just need some, another person there and you do something separate and they do something separate so that you can do this task that's not necessarily fun, but it's, it can get it done for you. Absolutely. So like asking for help is a really good one. The best idea is the best to collaborate. Well, it always comes from collaboration, teamwork, you know, child, mentor, coach,
00:39:34
you know, sibling, sibling, just collaboration is going to get things done a lot faster. And I feel like too, a lot of people can feel shame around organizing their homes. I feel like maybe it should have got us, should have got there, but like ultimately when we're struggling with our mental health, things are like that. Because when you're in survival mode, you can't be in creation mode. You can't thrive because like there's no... extra resources in your body in your mind to do those things and so you have to show up.
00:40:05
through just surviving and surviving doesn't entail all the other things right so trying to get yourself out of survival is asking for help is at like because and sometimes your kids too need that as well like maybe it does suck to sit in their room and tell them one thing at a time okay do the laundry okay when you're done with that let me know i'll come back because you're like they should know this they've cleaned their room a million times but again if you're in survival you're not going to be able to use that prioritizing you are not going to be able to use.
00:40:37
the executive function like you're normally going to so you need to have some kind of help to do it well it's from survival to become significant in your mind organizing your world organizing your life in doing so that allows you to cut them down into little pieces of, the exact puzzle. You look at a 1,000 piece, 5,000 piece puzzle, people who see the whole thing walk away from it, will never touch it. But when you just look at the picture.
00:41:08
and say, okay, let me put this section together. Now let me work on this section. Then I'm going to do the exterior. Then all of a sudden, after a certain amount of time, with 1,000, 5,000 pieces, it's done. You've got a whole puzzle. And then, yeah, it becomes a system too. Like all of a sudden, just like piece, oh, right, oh, oh. Oh, these two go together. Yeah, yeah. Right. And then you start seeing the pattern. But yeah, and here at Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center, we actually help with that. So if you are struggling in survival, or your kid is struggling to get out of overstimulation for whatever reason, is constantly dealing with quitting,
00:41:40
whether that's life or sports or school, we can help with that. Absolutely. We can. It would be an honor. Yeah. And if you guys have any suggestions about where you would, what you would want to talk about, anything like that, we have a space on our website where you can submit. It can be anonymous if you want to. And, uh... We'd love the information or anything you'd like to discuss at length or dive into a little bit deeper, please let us know. Yeah, until next time.
00:42:13
Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia wellness center's, Capes and conversations. We are a not-for-profit 501c3. All donations and sponsorships will be utilized to serve those who may need it and our services through collaborative care with our psychiatric nurse practitioner and or our clinical social workers, yet are unable to afford it. If you would like to sponsor these services, donation links are in the show notes on our website and on our social media outlets. If you have any topics of conversation or questions that we should talk about,
00:42:44
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