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Next Level Bliss is your soul’s permission slip to rise where healing meets success, and I promise you, your unique success will always serve humanity.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (00:03)
and this is where you find your patterns, if a situation comes up and ⁓ your mind goes back and says, okay, we had the same situation five years ago and this is how you react. You survived it. So this is what we're going to do again. And so then you start in that same pattern of how to react to that and what to do.
So our mind is doing that to try and keep us safe because we've survived so far.
And it opens up the door to get to know me. You know, OK, why? Why am I triggered by this? And then I can usually identify it to either something that has happened in my past or just my mind trying to replay those negative.
Next Level BLISS (00:36)
Mm-hmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (00:55)
thoughts
Next Level BLISS (00:56)
So I'm so glad to have you here today. And I've been wanting to have this interview with you for a while. We've been friends for a long time and you have been my coach and mentor and friend. So today I have Sam Tischner. And like I said, she's my friend. She's been my coach and she has so much wisdom.
And I'm just so glad to have you here.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (01:19)
⁓ thank you. And thank you for the kind introduction.
Next Level BLISS (01:24)
Well, you're welcome. And I'm thrilled and I can't wait to dive into these discussions today and go through your experience and all the things that you've learned going through such hard times with your divorce and being a single mom and all the things that that taught you and what led you to your journey and where you are right now.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (01:49)
Yes, okay. So where do we want to begin?
Next Level BLISS (01:50)
So.
I really wanted to dive in relationships because Sam, you're helping people heal for that reason, right? So that they show up better in relationships. Can you explain more about what you do?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (02:08)
Yes. So I'll do a little bit of my journey. So part of my journey, where it began was going through my second divorce and realizing I'm the common denominator. So what do I, what do I need to do to fix this to make sure I'm not going through this again? And it was during that time that I started my healing journey.
Next Level BLISS (02:27)
Mmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (02:31)
And fast forward through my journey, one of my biggest realizations is if you don't heal what hurts you, you will bleed on those who did not cut you. And so I did not take the time through my life to truly heal.
those things that had hurt me. And so with every relationship, it is just kind of compounding on each relationship. And I'm bringing all that baggage into my next relationship. So what I do with my coaching is I help women to be able to know, like and trust themselves. Because once you build the correct relationship with yourself,
You're able to ⁓ process through limiting beliefs, the old feelings that keep you stuck. You're able to let go of the baggage of old relationships or past traumas so they don't affect and drive your relationships moving forward. I help them to be able to...
Next Level BLISS (03:38)
Mm-hmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (03:42)
you know, understand who they are and have that vision of who they want to be. And once you can kind of lay all of that stuff out, even though I say I'm a relationship coach, my focus is it's totally within the one individual within the women that I am working with. Because once you right side up all of that, it is amazing how that changes your relationship. Not only the romantic relationships, but every relationship in your life.
and your confidence level and the way you show up. It is just absolutely amazing. And I saw this work that I did in myself and how God led me into this. And then it was, okay, Sam, I've taught you now teach others. This is your new journey. And that's when I switched to become a coach. That's when we went through our training together. Yes.
Next Level BLISS (04:12)
Mm-hmm.
That is beautiful. you. Yeah, yeah. That's when we met and
having some shared experiences for sure in that healing journey. And I just love coaching so much and helping other people. And one of the reasons is, is because as you're going through it, you're also constantly healing. Like I get so much out of
Sam Tishner-Lamb (04:56)
Mm-hmm.
Next Level BLISS (05:03)
helping others and showing other people tools and helping other people through certain situations. Like I learned something new every day. But you know, I love what you said about being the common denominator and just the realization, the what's the word for it? The awareness. Awareness.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (05:12)
my gosh,
awareness, yes.
Next Level BLISS (05:30)
feel like so many people and I was that person for so long where I didn't have the awareness that there was something that could be shifted within myself, that there was something like I was missing out on who I was and I was living a role that I wasn't supposed to be living. And so I guess my question is,
Sam Tishner-Lamb (05:54)
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (05:59)
What does that look like? What are some of the pieces that people are missing? Because I just want to help someone open up to that awareness.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (06:11)
Well, and I guess, you I was 48 years old so I kind of stepped into my journey and realized, okay, you know, I've got some work to do here. And it was the awareness. It was the awareness that prior to that, I felt like I really did not have control in my life. Things happened, you know, to me. And it was because of
Next Level BLISS (06:31)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (06:32)
this circumstance or that circumstance. These things were happening to me and I had no control. And then
Not really realizing you have control, not realizing your value. I always seeked approval from other people and I was not looking inward. It was always looking out outward. So I was chasing the approval and typically for me, I sent tended to kind of latch on to people who didn't know how to give approval.
Next Level BLISS (06:52)
you
Sam Tishner-Lamb (07:09)
And so then you're stuck fighting that battle and seeking approval from people who don't know how to give it. And so then you're just caught in this vicious cycle of, you know, not being able to really help yourself move forward. Also, I never took the time to know me or to appreciate who I was.
Next Level BLISS (07:27)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (07:31)
When I got into relationships, I became a chameleon. I just kind of blended in with what they liked and what they wanted to do
Next Level BLISS (07:36)
Mmm.
people kind of miss those cues that there's that they also could be the common denominator in their own life and relationships and that there may be something that needs to be have attention and be healed. And you know, I almost even hate saying be healed.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (07:51)
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (08:03)
Because it's like once you do the work, once you do the transformational work and you have the awareness and you clear out whatever it is that's been holding you back, you kind of realize, I was never broken.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (08:15)
Right, right.
Next Level BLISS (08:17)
but
healing is the language that you need in the beginning,
Sam Tishner-Lamb (08:25)
yes, because in the beginning you do tend to feel like you're broken. But like you said, once we get through the process, you realize I'm not broken. You know, I'm good. And you know, we all go through what we go through to be who we need to be. So, you know, whatever this journey is, you know, that's just what we go through. And to be able to identify the different signs, you know,
Next Level BLISS (08:31)
Yes.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (08:53)
not being a chameleon in a relationship, which I've heard many women do that. You you, you don't know yourself enough and you don't take the time to know yourself because you're always looking outside yourself for approval. You're always looking outside yourself for somebody to kind of tell you what to do. And it's not a, it's not a conscious thing of saying, my God, I need to find somebody to, to control my life. But
It's something that you're limiting beliefs.
guide you on that path that you need somebody else to, you know, kind of teach you how to live your life instead of trusting your own intuition, trusting your own gut to be able to do what you want and lead you where you want to go in life.
Next Level BLISS (09:33)
You
Yes.
You want to know my theory and now I'm not a psychologist or anything like that, but my theory on why we choose people that are going to control us, that are going to manipulate us, that are going to turn us into a victim somehow, some way is we're repeating a pattern of a missing link from our childhood.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (09:48)
Hmm?
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (10:10)
So say like the your mother or father that didn't give you the love and the security that you needed as a child. It's a weird thing but you look for the same subconsciously look for the same traits in your spouses and the people you date and stuff because subconsciously if you can if that person loves you then you're lovable.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (10:36)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (10:39)
you know, this past relationship you weren't lovable, right? They taught you that you weren't lovable, you weren't enough, and, and, but then we would keep repeating it. If I could just find that one person that'll show me that I'm lovable.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (10:51)
Yeah,
yes. And that's, you know, that's just something that, like you said, it's a subconscious programming that kind of keeps you in those patterns. But once you find that awareness of, okay, and that's kind of where I was, it's like, even though my two husbands were different, they were both the same type of guy, it was the same type of relationship for me. And part of it is,
It's how I perceived things in my relationship. If something happened or something was said, it's the way I perceived it. To be able to say, that was meant to hurt me or, oh my gosh, they're not talking to me. They must be mad at me. It could very well be that they just had a bad day. Now it could be that they were punishing you in that way.
But sometimes we start to create that own narrative in our mind that this is how it is, and so this is how I need to react. we start doing those same programs. And that's where we get stuck in the toxic relationship cycle, which is the main focus of where I am working with women today is to help break that cycle so we don't go through it again.
Next Level BLISS (12:02)
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, what program are you living out right now? Where's the origin? Let's get rid of it. And that's what you taught me. And it really was the catalyst to all of my healing was you taught me to seek out who I was and to learn to love.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (12:20)
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (12:44)
that person. And it sounds, it sounds cliche. It sounds like, but surface level, but it is the most valuable, deepest thing, most powerful thing that you could ever do for yourself.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (12:45)
Yeah.
my gosh, yes, yes. And once you realize that and step into that, know, God created us to be these beautiful humans and we let our world tell us that we're not. But when you can find that and find that peace and the love for being who you are and everything that has happened, you know,
I've worked with some women, they're like, well, you don't know what's happened to me. You don't know the trauma. And there are some, we all go through different traumas and there are sometimes women go through some really, really difficult trauma. It's all part of our story. And it's not something that we ever forget about it. It is more of...
We learn how to process it and file it. We learn how to find peace within ourselves for that and set that aside so it no longer controls our life. Because if we don't, then that ends up controlling our life. whatever it is in your past, it can make or break your future.
Next Level BLISS (13:53)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah,
what keeps coming to my mind is what value are you assigning to this thing? You know, just like even how we respond in our relationships, what you were saying that you would assign this value to the things that were happening to you, to the things he was saying, and then you would react to
Sam Tishner-Lamb (14:22)
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (14:39)
the meaning you gave it, not really what the truth about it was, the meaning you gave it. The same thing is these traumas that happen in our lives and what meaning are you gonna give it? What meaning? And so then, because that's the pivotal point, whatever meaning you give it is where you're gonna move forward from.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (14:40)
Yes.
Yeah.
Right.
Next Level BLISS (15:04)
⁓ I always have the image of, you know, God created, like, say you were a painting and like, you're just this beautiful painting and, somebody comes along and they throw mud at, right? Maybe, maybe you get upset about what's going on with your life and you throw it, you smear some mud on it. Then it's almost like eventually we forget.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (15:25)
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (15:32)
that we have this mud on us. And we just assign value to that mud and put meaning to it. Like that's part of me now. This is me. This is who I am.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (15:42)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (15:45)
And, and you know, getting back and taking off those layers and, getting back to the beautiful creation. That's, that's the work. That's, that's where we're at.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (15:53)
Yes, yes. And it's
amazing. And sometimes, sometimes people see it as, okay, if I let go of this trauma that has happened, sometimes you don't know who you are without it. And also it's, if I let go of this, if I forgive it, if I file it away, then I am saying it's okay, or I'm...
Next Level BLISS (16:08)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (16:19)
you know, I'm accepting it and I don't want to accept it. And the big thing is it's not a matter of...
you know, saying it's okay because the trauma that happened, it wasn't okay. But it's a matter of finding peace in your soul. So you don't have to carry it anymore. And once you start letting go of all of that crap and crazy that we have in our life, once you start letting it go and setting it aside, it's amazing. The beautiful things that happen moving forward.
and the different things that start to create and open up and just be able to be free from it. It is, you know, we cannot control other people, but we control ourselves, how we perceive things, how we think about things, what we focus on, what we do by being able to say, I'm going to take back my power and no longer let that control my life.
Next Level BLISS (17:11)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (17:28)
then that's you taking back your power and to be able to step into that and write your story.
Next Level BLISS (17:34)
Yeah, so there's a ton of limitations to living unaware of our shit, of our crap, right? Like, yeah, let's talk about that some. So like, you know, some of the unawareness pieces was like being a chameleon. You know, well, when you're being a chameleon, you're never living your own life. You're never making your own choices.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (17:51)
Yes.
No.
You're allowing, allowing somebody else to do that for you.
Next Level BLISS (18:01)
One of the biggest things.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (18:07)
And it's
not a way to live life. And it's not a selfish thing. It's not a selfish thing to say, ⁓ well, it's all about me. I'm going to live my life. It's amazing when you're in a relationship where you both show up as whole people, where you both show up as I know who I am.
Next Level BLISS (18:29)
Mm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (18:34)
and we're going to share life together.
Next Level BLISS (18:38)
Yeah, because you know, there's a big consensus that, you know, relationships need to be sacrificial.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (18:45)
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (18:48)
and you have to sacrifice yourself. And I think women, a lot of times fall into this hole a little bit deeper than men do, know, where that we're going to sacrifice. We're going to be the one to give up hopes and dreams and, you know, identity, ⁓ the truth of who we are to blend and make this relationship and
Sam Tishner-Lamb (18:56)
Yes.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (19:14)
in person easy.
But you know what? There's also a...
a blessing and more of a blessing when you give that other person the opportunity to see the true you. When we were talking about like we turn ourselves into a chameleon and to seek approval and to be valued, you know, we
Sam Tishner-Lamb (19:32)
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Next Level BLISS (19:49)
you're really robbing that person, your spouse, your significant other of.
of the beautiful creation that you are and...
Gosh, it's just robbing. And I saw that with my own relationship.
You know, my husband, he's a great guy, but some of the ways that he was treating me was not great at times. But when you and I worked together and we went through this journey of me learning how to get back to my truth and loving who I was, it really, it saved our marriage.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (20:31)
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (20:37)
It really did because it-
Sam Tishner-Lamb (20:39)
Love it.
Next Level BLISS (20:40)
When I began to value who I was and love who I was and realized that it's not, me not being sacrificial was not unholy. It wasn't un-Christian. You know, it really, like when I was denying myself, I see it now as like a form of blasphemy.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (21:03)
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (21:04)
Because I'm a creation of God. Why should I have to throw mud on myself and, you deny who I am? No. Like, we are all creations of God. And so I was also robbing my husband of being able to love who I was.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (21:14)
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes. my goodness. Yes. That is so, that's so beautiful and so perfect. And it just warms my heart so much because you know, with coaching, we, it's not something I can say, you know, Renee, this is, this is what you gotta do. This is, this is what it is. This is exactly how it comes. But with the coaching, it's just offering that space for you to find that within yourself. And once you do,
Like I said, it changes all relationships and I just love the fact, know, sometimes I work with women who have, you know, been through divorce and they're no longer in a relationship. But when I actually get to work with some of the women who are still in the relationship, who may come to me and say, I don't know where this relationship is going. But then, you know, that work shows that, okay, by changing this,
you're able to see him for who he is and you're able to show up for who you are and to be able to find, you know, that love again for each other and to find that strength in the marriage. mean, I, my gosh, I just, I love that God has put me in this position to help women to find that within them so that he can do the work that he needs to do. So it's just beautiful.
Next Level BLISS (22:34)
Yeah.
Yeah, and I want to talk about this too.
It, and I think it's important, when I began to know myself a little better, these things like seeking value outside of myself, comparing myself to others, assigning value to the little things that he might say or do, and then I would say, my gosh, like he just got up at that bed and he didn't come give me a kiss. Well, he must be mad at me, right? ⁓
Sam Tishner-Lamb (23:15)
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Next Level BLISS (23:18)
And then it's like, shame on you for being mad at me. it's, know, well, all that went away. Like when I finally saw the value of myself, you don't look for value everywhere else. less reactive, you're just less reactive. And I want to say too, that it wasn't an easy road.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (23:31)
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Next Level BLISS (23:43)
It wasn't an easy road learning who I was in the midst of a volatile marriage. And to anyone listening out there, I think the most important thing that I did, I didn't leave or anything.
but I figured out how to kind of create a bubble for myself within the marriage that gave me a little bit of separation. It was almost like I was mentally and emotionally just kind of separated while I worked on myself. And then I mentally and emotionally, once I got stronger and I could be less reactive, I could not assign value
I would assign value less to things, know. ⁓ I slowly came back and just opened up to...
Sam Tishner-Lamb (24:35)
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (24:43)
to him, you know, but yeah,
Sam Tishner-Lamb (24:44)
Yeah.
And it's a beautiful process.
Next Level BLISS (24:48)
and there's a lot of grace. There's a lot of grace both ways
Sam Tishner-Lamb (24:50)
Yes.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (24:55)
for yourself and for him.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (24:55)
Well, and also I want
to add to that too, because, okay, I'm a life coach. I'm a relationship coach and you are too. Well, life coach. But it's not like we ever get there and check that box of, I've checked the box. I no longer have negative thoughts. my gosh. Still battling it every day. But.
Next Level BLISS (25:16)
Yeah, exactly.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (25:16)
As you
go through the process, you realize and you have that awareness that when it starts to creep in, you can stop it quicker. You know, instead of it.
Next Level BLISS (25:25)
Yeah, you have
the tools. You're better equipped.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (25:28)
Instead
of it taking three days for you to just go in anguish and go down this spiral, you can stop it within a shorter time to be able to kind of reset and get back to where you want to be. And that's the beautiful part of the journey is, you know, having that awareness and knowing that, okay, I can, I can, you know, stop this and
Next Level BLISS (25:42)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (25:54)
forgive myself for going in that spiral and get right back on track. So, and that's a beautiful part of it. Cause I don't think we ever fully heal until the day, you know, we go to see the Lord, you know, we're never going to check that box. You know, we're still going to go through trials. We're still going to go through the crap and crazy in life, but
as you learn and grow and find these tools, it just makes it a little bit of an easier journey.
Next Level BLISS (26:28)
Okay, yes, and on that note, you're still gonna have the trials and stuff.
Do you value the trials that you've been through now, now that you've come through them? Because I know there was a time in my life I'm like, God, why are all these people abandoning me? Like, why don't I have parents? Why don't, like why have I been so abused? And, but now I see it differently. Tell me about your experience.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (26:58)
Well, I would not be where I am today had I not gone through everything that I've gone through in my life. And I love where I am today. You know, I love knowing these little secrets. And even when I go through, if something challenging comes up for me, I really try to stop and say, okay, what do I need to learn here? And one of the...
Next Level BLISS (27:20)
Mm, that's
Sam Tishner-Lamb (27:21)
things
Next Level BLISS (27:21)
good.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (27:21)
that God does is he'll kind of put the same type of situation in your life over and over to try and teach you a lesson. And if we keep ignoring that and keep going through that same cycle, you know, we're not grasping what it is that we need to learn. And anything that we need to learn that helps us to grow and become who we are. You know, everything that we have been through our lives and you know,
It is horrible when you go through some of the heavy traumas.
but God can turn it into good. God can use that to help somebody else heal. God can use that to help somebody else find their voice. God can use that to really shine a light in the darkness. And that is where I want to be. I want to be able to shine that light and to help women to
find their way out of the darkness that we live in. And there's this world can just, it wants to just hold you down in it. I, you know, my, my journey now is, is to help women to find that light and to move forward and to not dwell on or be held back by all that stuff that happened in your past.
Next Level BLISS (28:33)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (28:48)
When somebody, you know, typically you say let go and let God. I was speaking with a friend of mine and she's like, shouldn't it be let God and let go? Because there are times that you can't do it on your own. And we need God to help us. And sometimes he uses friends to be able to help us see that and to move forward. And, um, you know, it's just,
Next Level BLISS (29:04)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (29:18)
I don't know, it's an amazing journey.
Next Level BLISS (29:20)
Yeah, you know, I believe God
always has us, like he always has us, but you know, I always do these metaphors. So imagine yourself like you're floating down this river and you think you want to get off on the bank right here, but that's not really the path for you, right? And so you're grabbing onto the tree branches and you're trying so hard to go against the current.
and go against the situation that you, you know, like you're fighting against the world, but when you just let go, God has you. Like it's the river, it's the river of life. And it's just going to take you to exactly where you need to be at exactly the right moment. Yeah. And I always, I always feel like the people that have the biggest trials.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (29:58)
Bye.
Next Level BLISS (30:11)
And I look at these people sometimes and I'm just like, you just don't know how special you are. I almost feel like if you believe in duality or even James one of the Bible trials are a blessing. You know, they are meant to grow you. And I see people that when
They're going through a ton of trials. sit there and think on my head like, has something big for you. You just don't know it yet. You just don't realize it. And it's also kind of like a trampoline. When you jump down on the trampoline and you're depressed and you're heavy and you're getting sucked down in the trampoline.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (30:38)
Yes. Yes.
Next Level BLISS (31:01)
It's hard. Like it feels hard. It feels heavy. It feels like that's when you're in the yuck of life. But then if you allow it and you don't crumple your knees and just fall to the ground, if you allow it and you press against it and it springs you up higher. And the crazy thing is, is if you don't
Sam Tishner-Lamb (31:11)
Yes. ⁓
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (31:29)
to depths that you go down, it's gonna multiply the heights that you go up. If you go just a little way down, you just are gonna go a little ways up. Like, so I love the spiritual aspect of this in the journey of like our soul's growth, our growth of a human person, like, but also just our growth as a soul.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (31:34)
Yeah. Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (31:58)
the growth of how we love. And I think we need those times of trial. Just having good times all the time is not, it really isn't gonna get us anywhere. We think it will, but it doesn't.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (32:12)
Right.
And one thing I want to add with that too is we're here to do life together. Sometimes we have the traumas we have.
Next Level BLISS (32:22)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (32:26)
You know, we hold on to the guilt and the shame of things that have happened in our past, whether it's stuff that we've created in ourselves or something somebody has done to us. Sometimes we hold that because we don't think anybody else can understand and we don't want other people to judge. But the beautiful thing is
Next Level BLISS (32:44)
Mm-hmm
Sam Tishner-Lamb (32:48)
is finding the people that you know you can open up to and to start sharing. And when you have that little nudge of saying,
Next Level BLISS (32:52)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (32:57)
I feel like I should share this piece of my life with this person and then ignoring it to say, my gosh, they're going to judge me. They're going to judge me. They're going to judge me. When you can open up to the right people, then it's amazing how healing it is, number one, to talk about it, to share it. And one of the things that I found on my journey, especially in the beginning, and it still happens now,
Next Level BLISS (33:18)
Mm-hmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (33:24)
But you start talking and sharing your journey. And then all of a sudden, the person that you're talking to is like, that happened to me or I had something similar like that happened to me. I understand exactly where you're coming from. I understand what that is. it is amazing how God puts people in your life that can totally understand what you've been through. And when you find that you're not alone,
and that you have that other person that you can talk to and share with, then it's just amazing how it can truly open up your journey of healing.
Next Level BLISS (34:03)
Yes.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (34:04)
So it, I just love that when I first started opening up and more people started coming in my life. Through my healing journey, there were some people that ended up leaving my life.
But God opened the door for so many new and beautiful relationships that have helped me so much in my journey to that. I mean, it's just, if you're open to it.
Next Level BLISS (34:26)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (34:31)
and you're not afraid to put yourself out there, when you stop trying to hide behind what you think people are going to judge you for, then it's beautiful what can be opened up for you to move forward.
Next Level BLISS (34:48)
yeah, like what you're saying is some really good points. And what it got me to thinking about was how not being healed kind of holds you back from really living your best life. It holds you back from success. And honestly, it holds us back from really being able to serve others in a powerful way.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (35:05)
Yes.
Yes, yes, and that is that is so true when I look back now at how I was living my life it truly is amazing the difference in my life now. ⁓ I did get remarried a few years ago
and the guy that I married is unlike the guys that I've married in the past. ⁓ You know, he is... Let's say we were getting into a discussion and I all of a sudden get triggered with something and I start to get, you know, upset or perceive it, perceive it the way that it wasn't meant because I know he loves me and I know he does not mean things sometimes the way that I hear them.
and so there are times that I will stop and it's like, okay, wait, let's take a pause. I need a couple of minutes. We need to take a pause and I will leave the room and I have like a little safe space that I've created in, in my bedroom. And I'll just go and sit in my chair and question with myself as to why I'm getting triggered by this. And the beautiful thing is then I can come back to my husband and I can say,
Next Level BLISS (36:30)
Mmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (36:35)
This is what I'm experiencing. This is what I'm feeling. This is what triggered me. And we actually talk through it. And I've never had that in a relationship before. But because of the awareness that I know, or even if it's something that in the way that he said it, I can explain to him this.
is how you said it, this is what I heard, and this is how it made me feel. And we talk about it. And he is open to trying to understand and to help make our relationship better.
Next Level BLISS (37:07)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so what I hear you saying is like you used to assign values to things that really weren't true. And in those assigned values, it would cause you to feel triggered. And if I were to guess and you really didn't say this, but possibly in the past, you would have, ⁓ ruminated over
Sam Tishner-Lamb (37:28)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (37:48)
these events, and these thoughts, and these triggers, and these assigned values, you would ruminate over all of that. ⁓
Sam Tishner-Lamb (37:51)
Yes.
And my goodness,
create crazy.
Next Level BLISS (38:00)
Yeah, because I did the same thing. And, but what shifted was, and this is really very, very powerful, is that you ask yourself questions. Why is this here? Why am I feeling this way?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (38:02)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (38:22)
and that when you ask questions it opens up the door for God to work.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (38:29)
Yes, yeah. And it opens up the door to get to know me. You know, OK, why? Why am I triggered by this? And then I can usually identify it to either something that has happened in my past or just my mind trying to replay those negative.
Next Level BLISS (38:34)
Mm-hmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (38:53)
thoughts and you know it's not to say that every time I question it's like I realize okay it's all me it's all me it's not that but it helps me to understand and even if it's to tell my husband okay when you say this it makes me feel this so let's try and find a different way to say this because I know this truly isn't what you mean or it's to go back and say okay what
What caused you to say this? And it's just getting to know who I am as well as getting to know the other person in my relationship, whether it's my husband or my mom or my sisters. If I start doing that in all my relationships, it helps me to be able to react better. And it teaches me how to react the next time something comes up.
Because then once you've processed it, then if it comes up again, you either know what you need to do or what you need to say or why it's triggering you. And then you can process things different. Our mind is incredible. Our brain just wants to keep us safe. 100 % of our brain is our conscious mind. Everything we see and feel and touch and everything here.
Next Level BLISS (40:10)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (40:19)
The other 95 % is like a catalog index of everything that has happened.
Next Level BLISS (40:28)
everything that's happened and the meaning you assigned to it.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (40:31)
Yes. So then if a situation and this is where you find your patterns, if a situation comes up and ⁓ your mind goes back and says, okay, we had the same situation five years ago and this is how you react. You survived it. So this is what we're going to do again. And so then you start in that same pattern of how to react to that and what to do.
So our mind is doing that to try and keep us safe because we've survived so far. But if we didn't handle something well, then it brings up that same pattern and we have to have awareness to say, no, we're rewriting that one. We're going to rewrite that one because that wasn't good. ⁓ And so that's where the awareness comes in and where it's so important.
for us to be able to stop and take that pause and say, okay, how do I want to handle it this time? How do I want to rewrite this story? So when, it comes up again in my life, I'm not doing that same old pattern that was not getting me anywhere. So.
Next Level BLISS (41:43)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
mean, having these tools in your tool belt is a game changer. It is a game changer. you know, just to piggyback on what you were just talking about, like reacting to like what worked in the past, you subconsciously believe it's going to work in the future. You know, I just want to give an example to that. It would be like,
Sam Tishner-Lamb (41:52)
my gosh, amazing. Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Next Level BLISS (42:13)
you know, your dad yelled at you when you were five years old about not cleaning your room or whatever and you create, you assign value to that, you assigned value to yourself for that. I am bad. I am lazy. Whatever the thing is and...
Sam Tishner-Lamb (42:29)
Yes.
See ya.
Next Level BLISS (42:38)
But yes, you go into survival mode. So you figure out what you need to do, who you need to be to survive. And then 30 years later, you're in a marriage and voices get raised. And all of a sudden you are assigning the same values as you did when you were five. you know, go into these same beliefs of identity.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (42:51)
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (43:09)
you were when you were five years old and to survive, know just because it was a I Don't want to say bad you know not You know just because if You survived it doesn't even matter if it was a good survival you survived it, right?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (43:14)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, because sometimes it's not meant that way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (43:34)
I mean,
most of the times we're not surviving in a positive way. We are surviving in ways that are holding us back in so many ways. You know, I know for myself, all the values and identities that I assigned to my life, my situations and who I was, ⁓ I had a deep, deep belief
Sam Tishner-Lamb (43:47)
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (44:03)
that I just didn't need to be seen or heard. And that belief held me back, like in every way. Like it played into me being a chameleon. I didn't want to be seen. Like if you don't want to be seen, you have to shape shift into whatever your surroundings are. It led me to
Sam Tishner-Lamb (44:06)
Yeah.
Yes.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Next Level BLISS (44:32)
just have tremendous comparison. Like comparing my efforts, my looks, you know, education, you know, to everybody around me. And I never measured up.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (44:48)
Mm-hmm. Yes,
yes.
Next Level BLISS (44:52)
So then what do you do to survive? Your brain, right there when, when say you have a comparison and it triggers a little bit of a negative emotion in you. Your subconscious just goes to work. Like I've got to keep this person safe. They are feeling unsafe right now, uncomfortable and ⁓
Sam Tishner-Lamb (45:06)
Mm-hmm.
Next Level BLISS (45:17)
Yeah, so it just goes to work to, go get that ice cream. It's time for a movie, you know, like go to your safe space. But you know what, we're just not living in a safe space, are we?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (45:21)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
No, no. And there's so much more, so much more to life, you know, outside of that. So when you do open up that awareness and you're ready to process all that has happened with you so that you can file it away as this was a chapter in my life, still there, but this was a chapter in my life. And now I want to create something new. I want to live.
Next Level BLISS (45:57)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (45:59)
to my potential. want to, see myself as the beautiful person that God created me to be. You know, I want to step into a bigger purpose and you know, it's beautiful in the transformational journey. So.
Next Level BLISS (46:18)
Yeah, well Sam,
we have listeners today that are ready to live bigger and to step into the greatest light God has for them, the greatest life, what's the first step? Like how can they get in touch with you?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (46:40)
I, probably the easiest is through my website. So heal first coaching.com and there's, you know, a lot of information on my website about different topics and stuff. So even if it's just searching through there, but if it's something that, you know, somebody would want to have that initial call, you know, we can, we can take 30 minutes and, talk about your journey. And even if it's.
Next Level BLISS (46:47)
Okay.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (47:08)
You know, I'm just not sure where to start. You know, even if you're not ready to say, okay, I want to start coaching. But even if it's just, don't know where to start having that 30 minutes sometimes can just help to kind of catapult you in the right direction. And, you know, when I started my journey, I've gone through different phases and I've had, ⁓
Next Level BLISS (47:23)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (47:32)
you know, beautiful people that have helped me all along the way. And I would have to say I've probably had a coach since my first coach. I've had a coach there with me in different phases, but just along the journey. And it's, finding what works for you because sometimes, you know, regular talk therapy works for you or, know, different coaching styles or, you know, what I coach on maybe a little different than what Renee coaches on. So maybe it's like,
Next Level BLISS (47:49)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (48:00)
I really resonate with Renee. And so, you know, that's the person and that is the key is finding that person that you really resonate with and they can help you with that journey, which is, which is totally beautiful. But heelfirstcoaching.com is kind of my main, my main hub. And, and you can find me on social media and stuff all through that. So.
Next Level BLISS (48:07)
Mmm.
I love that. Thank you. ⁓
Sam Tishner-Lamb (48:26)
You
Next Level BLISS (48:32)
My ending questions.
I have a couple questions before I let you go, just ending questions that I like to ask all my guests. If you would have never stepped in and asked yourself, like sought who you were and to heal those parts of you that were keeping you from your truth. If you would have never done that, what do you think your life would look like and feel like now?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (48:40)
yes.
⁓ I would probably still be in a job where I did not feel valued or appreciated or seen. I would probably still be in relationships that were the same way. ⁓ You know, I would be living my life very small and, ⁓ you know, just trying to keep safe and under the radar and
Next Level BLISS (49:32)
Hmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (49:34)
⁓ Not to say that I'm, you know, like doing lots of crazy things, but my happiness level wouldn't be dependent on me. It would be dependent on other people. And that's a really tough place to be. So I think that's probably where I'd be. I'd be stuck in that same life. I would be exhausted and living for other people.
Next Level BLISS (49:54)
Yeah, that's right.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (50:04)
all the time and never being able to set boundaries for myself and just running on empty always.
Next Level BLISS (50:08)
Mmm.
Yeah.
What does living your bliss look like?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (50:15)
⁓ living my bliss. I would say that's where am now. So living my bliss is having a husband who sees me and loves me and hears me and wants to talk to me about, you know, what I think and what I feel. It's having somebody to grow with you in life and to walk alongside you.
Next Level BLISS (50:40)
Hmm.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (50:45)
⁓ I have a job now that just fills my heart and I love it. ⁓ You know, my husband and I, we both work in ministry together in a prison ministry and just having that opportunity to grow together is amazing.
⁓ I used to not travel in my life and now we travel all kinds of places and I just love the new adventures and seeing the beauty that God has created throughout this world with people and in nature. ⁓ So yeah, living my bliss is just, it's not always rainbows and unicorns. You still have your struggles, but overall it is...
It's incredible. It's incredible. And I just have the God's peace and his love and
It's amazing.
Next Level BLISS (51:46)
Could your younger self ever fathom that you would be living this life today?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (51:53)
you know, I don't think so. I don't think so because, you know, I couldn't wrap my head around. That was for other people. That was for other people who have had different life and they just live different or they were raised different than me. And so that's just other people. But
Next Level BLISS (51:55)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. These are the cards I've
been dealt, so I'm just gonna play my hand, right? We didn't know we could reshuffle the deck. ⁓
Sam Tishner-Lamb (52:16)
Exactly.
Exactly. And I reshuffled the
deck and it is amazing. It is amazing. So, and I'm so thankful that I made that commitment.
Next Level BLISS (52:31)
If our listeners were to take one thing away from this conversation today, what do you hope that will be?
Sam Tishner-Lamb (52:39)
If there is an area of unhappiness or an area that you feel stuck, seek to change it. Seek to find your way out of it. You know, whether it is working with a coach, whether it's going, if it's doing therapy, ⁓ searching online, there's a ton of great information out there. ⁓ But taking that step and knowing yourself that you're going to take the step.
And if you can't take it on your own, then you find somebody to walk alongside with you. Just make that commitment to yourself that I'm going to take that step, whether it's on your own, whether it's finding somebody to walk with you. Just take the step We all have the power and. The control to change this person inside.
Next Level BLISS (53:15)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (53:33)
And, you know, once you realize you have that, then, you know, it's limitless on what you could do. So just take that step. Commit to yourself. I've had a, I've had a, I'm sorry.
Next Level BLISS (53:34)
Yeah.
Yeah, just the tiniest little step, just that one little, yeah. What did our coaches say?
What did our coaches say? Small hinges, small hinges swing big doors.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (54:00)
⁓
Yes,
small hinges swing big doors. Yes. I had a sticky note on my computer for years that just one small step, forward. That's all you have to do. It doesn't have to be the big changes. It's one small step forward and to keep building on it.
Next Level BLISS (54:19)
Yeah.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (54:24)
Yeah, it gets easier and easier. Yeah.
Next Level BLISS (54:26)
Yeah, we'll
say thank you, thank you, thank you for being with us here today on Next Level Bliss. I so appreciate you, I love you, and I'm so proud of the work that you're doing.
Sam Tishner-Lamb (54:32)
building.