Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Scripts Aloud brings drama right into your ears. By using text-to-speech software, theater scripts go from the page into drama, every week. Typically 10-minute scripts are presented in each episode. It's like having a Theater Festival - right on your phone!
Scripts Aloud
Tex & Slim: "Time to Light Out!"
By Rick Regan
May 1, 2024
EXT. ON THE PRAIRIE - EVENING
TEX and SLIM are two cowhands on a long cattle drive.
They sit by the campfire and chat in the twilight.
TEX
Slim, I’ve been doing some
thinking.
SLIM
Well there’s your trouble right
there, Tex. Thinking and you have
never got along a’tall.
TEX
Well it’s plain as day to me. Pity
you can’t see what’s as clear as
this starlight.
SLIM
What’s that, Tex?
TEX
I believe it’s time to light out,
make a new way.
SLIM
You fixin’ to pack up your
bunkroll and ride on down the
trail there, partner?
TEX
Gotta change with the times, Slim.
Not that you keep up with things.
Modernity kinda passed you by,
didn’t it?
SLIM
Tex, I suppose your prospects are
as good as any. Why, a man with
your breadth of experience and
talent should have no trouble
making your way in the world. Sureas-shooting, you’ll be starting
your new career, probably washing
horses.
TEX
I’m not washing any horses, Slim!
SLIM
You were never too good with
washing yourself, so I can see how
a horse might be off your list.
TEX
No, Slim, I’m thinking of riding
on, find some good, open country.
A man just needs a few acres,
couple of good horses and some
strong coffee. About all it takes.
SLIM
I must admit you paint a picture
of an idyllic existence. Like the
old days, break a patch of new
ground, pioneer.
TEX
That’s right, Slim. And when they
build the town, they can name it
after me.
SLIM
Well now, we’ve already got a
state of Texas. I believe there’s
likely a Texas City or even a
Texasville. The name’s kind of
used up, Tex.
TEX
It would be Earltown by the time
we got to putting things on paper.
SLIM
Earl? Is that your real name?
TEX
Christened as such.
SLIM
Never knew that. I can see why you
go by Tex.
TEX
Thanks, Slim. No, I’m thinking
maybe go south of the border,
below the Rio Grande.
SLIM
Your own crossing of the Rubicon,
eh?
TEX
No, Slim. Not like that. I think
more a strategic maneuver, like
Hannibal bringing giraffes into
England. Get the jump on ‘em!
SLIM
Tex, you really are more ignorant
than ugly, and that’s saying
something.
TEX
I just gotta make a change, is
all. Maybe I’ll see the ocean.
SLIM
Is that right? Which one?
TEX
The salty one, of course. I
declare you are more backward than
a goat sniffing a sheep!
SLIM
A what?! Tex, your declarations
border on impropriety.
TEX
Now hold on, Slim. I’m not going
to comment how a man spends his
time in your bunk. But when
there’s animals involved, well,
I’ve got to say something!
SLIM
Speaking truth to power? Is that
it? Well, I admit that your
striking similarity to some of our
cloven-hoof creatures does strike
some as remarkable. But I think
it’s your smell that really stings
folks’ nostrils.
TEX
Look here, Slim. I know that as
unmotivated and shiftless as you
are, you may harbor some
resentment at my shining ambition.
Understandable. But I am bound and
determined to get away from these
shaggy beef-cattle and make a new
way. I gonna bet on myself!
SLIM
That’s a high-risk gamble there,
partner. If it doesn’t pan out,
you be lost, as well as dumb and
dusty. But, what else is new?
TEX
No, I’m going to make my way south
and find a hacienda looking for a
good ranch hand.
SLIM
Is that right? You planning on
meeting one on the way then?
TEX
It’s a more civilized way, Slim.
These aimless cattle drives,
chasing the beasts up and down
these hills, well that’s not
civilized no-how.
SLIM
Oh, they got a better system down
south, do they?
TEX
You sleep in a bunkhouse at night,
out of the rain. You eat with the
boys at a table, like civilized
folk.
SLIM
I believe we’ve already got a
system like that here. It’s called
Prison.
TEX
That’s just it, Slim. I hear-tell
there ain’t no bars, ain’t no
guards. Just easy living on the
well-watered grasslands. Perfect
for a gentleman rancher to survey
all of his domain on a Spanish
stallion.
SLIM
Oh well! When you put it like
that, it does sound like a slice
of heaven. By the way, you pretty
good with the habla espanol?
TEX
Well now I am bolstering my
vocabulary. Such as, Yo soy
enchiladas? That means, what would
you like for lunch?
SLIM
That right?
TEX
Mmm-hmm.
SLIM
How about Gringo? You got that
one?
TEX
Oh sure. That’s what they say when
you ask somebody for water, but
they just ran out. It means ‘no
water’. Grin-go.
SLIM
Well, check-mate! Seems like
you’ve got all the bases covered.
You going to make any stops along
the way, on your march to the
Salty-Ocean?
TEX
As you know, I am a man of
exquisite taste and manners. I
imagine there may be a few
interested senoritas down the
line. Nature of the work, I guess.
SLIM
Oh, I’m sure, Tex. Those pretty
fillies will smell you before you
even ride into town. They’ll just
come a’running!
TEX
And I’ll likely fall in with some
gamblers and the like, along the
way. Men with fine suits and silk
hats. Men of my ilk.
SLIM
Tex, just keep in mind that your
persistent lack of female
companionship is not by accident.
I believe it was a plan by God, to
put a stop to things.
TEX
Slim, I’m going to be out there
making my way. A man of ambition.
But you’ll still be here, swatting
flies with your floppy hat.
SLIM
Wouldn’t have it any other way.
TEX
And when I’m pouring the coldest
Bavarian beer, returning from a
night at the Opry House, I’ll
think of you out here, still
scratching in the dirt.
SLIM
Well Tex, a man’s got to do what
he’s got to do, I reckon. And when
you’re buckling-up the feedbag at
some fancy steakhouse, just be
glad that the cows can’t vote yet.
TEX
Cows voting?
SLIM
That’s right. It’s a-coming.
TEX
How’s a cow supposed to vote. Cows
can’t read.
SLIM
Neither can you but they’ll still
let you mark it with an X.
TEX
There ain’t no cows voting!
SLIM
Not yet but there was a lake in
Minnesota, that got granted
‘personhood’.
TEX
A lake as a person?
SLIM
It was so the lake could file a
lawsuit, on it’s own behalf,
against some company what was
poisoning the water.
TEX
Getting sued, by a lake?
SLIM
That’s right. And just imagine if
they gave the rights to horses, or
beef-cattle. Why every one of them
would call a lawyer and say,
“Don’t make steaks out of me!”
TEX
Imagine, getting sued by your own
horse!
SLIM
Worse than that, Tex. Just think
of all those sheep you have been
overly affectionate with. Once
they get the rights, they’ll want
payback - with spurs!
TEX
Slim, I know you are peculiar
partial to sheep, but I don’t hold
such affections. Un-natural, is
all.
SLIM
Oh, that’s right. I should have
put all the pieces together. It’s
the goats you favor, isn’t it?
Cause, you smell like a goat, Tex.
TEX
Slim, I declare, your imagination
is overflowing with foul waters.
Got to see somebody about that.
SLIM
Sure, sure. First light. Or will
you be gone? On the trail?
TEX
I’ll seek my fortunes on the new
horizon. But I won’t miss you.
SLIM
Me neither. Be a relief to have
you gone.
TEX
Farewell, amigo!
SLIM
Tex, just one thing, before you
go.
TEX
What’s that, Slim?
SLIM
I’d like to recite a poem.
TEX
A cowboy poem?
SLIM
Well, we’re not exactly surrounded
by a crowd of urbane sophisticates
here, are we?
TEX
Nope. Just cowpokes.
SLIM
Well then.
TEX
Please proceed.
SLIM
The Cowboy life is a struggle.
The Prairie, it gives,
and it takes,
But the Desert is a Miser.
In the cool of evening,
the sky will smite
the poor cowhand,
with hail and rain.
So take up this life,
you Wanderers
and free of spirit!
Maybe take to the sea,
Or, stay home,
But the desert remains.
TEX
That’s it?
SLIM
Yep.
TEX
That’ll do ‘er. Good night.
SLIM
The End. Goodnight y’all.