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Created by Roselis Cortez • Co-host: James Stanley
Seam Notes explores luxury as behavior
How you think, how you move, and the standards you hold when no one is watching.
This isn’t about status or appearance. It’s about composure, discernment, boundaries, and self-respect. The things that quietly shape how you live.
Through lived experience, we talk about growth, outgrowing environments, and learning to move differently without losing yourself in the process.
No performance. No exaggeration. Just real conversations about what it takes to hold your own.
New episodes every Wednesday.
Roselis (00:00)
This is Seam Notes. Taste standards and the decisions nobody sees.
James (00:08)
At some point, growth stops feeling exciting. And it starts feeling isolating. And not because you're moving away from people intentionally, But because who you're becoming doesn't fit in the same space.
so most people interpret that as rejection, unfortunately, ⁓ when really it's just evolution.
The real question is, do we stay in that relationship, friendship, whatever it is, or do we move on?
And then how do we?
Roselis (00:48)
Such an interesting question to pose, right?
Because I think that society and the expectations are that we stay in relationships. When we have formed a friendship or a relationship, it happens with family, with partners, I mean, w that expectation that if you are married, right, you go and you commit and you marry for life. ⁓
For better, for worse, for sickness, for you know, all of these things, right? So we have been put in this space, Or given this set of expectations that relationships just continue, that they don't have an expiration date.
James (01:39)
thousand percent and we're conditioned to to to do that and feel guilty or if we outgrow somebody and and not just you know yes marriage is kind of the the pinnacle of that but friends I mean you have friends I'm sure you have I have we have that you outgrow and I really don't like that term outgrow because it sounds almost a little ⁓ arrogant I outgrew you
Roselis (02:04)
I could see how it can sound like that, but it's really more about, when you are growing within, Because everything that's worthwhile is going to be within us. All of exactly that's basically our slogan, right? That the luxury in this life is not necessarily what you have. It's
James (02:20)
The luxury within
Roselis (02:30)
Who'd you become so?
James (02:31)
Correct. Right? Correct.
Which we are entirely in control of, by the way. Who we become.
Roselis (02:38)
Correct. So outgrow is that, Is we becoming somebody that's different now than the person we were before. Yeah. It's not outgrowing the people around us. It's we've outgrowing our own self, And so
I don't see the word as a negative, I don't see a negative connotation from it, but I can see how it can be perceived as such, And I didn't just mean it in the marriage. I was just saying this is how society presents relationships to us, It's just like a parental, a a familial relationship, all of those things, I know that as a child
And even later in life, the saying blood is thicker than water, sometimes it's not.
James (03:35)
Agreed, agreed. One thousand percent.
Roselis (03:37)
And so we have to get to that space and that place where our growth and our preservation and our changes have to be honored by ourselves and the people around us.
James (03:57)
Interesting word, honored. Yeah. Wow. Okay.
Roselis (04:01)
That's how I see it. I see that when we are doing these things, that's all we're doing is honoring ourselves.
And let's not use the word outgrow. Let's go to we change and evolve in different directions than other people. We may start out in the same space where we were very good friends. like I went to boarding school, And so all of those people that I went to boarding school with.
We were all in the same environment. We loved each other. We were very close. We were all of these things. And here we are 40 years later. Some of us have remained close to one another and some of us have steered in different directions. And when we get together as a group after all of these years, there's all that love and respect and honor in all of those things.
But there is no obligation to get back into those relationships the way that they were because life has taken us into many different directions, And so if we think about this topic in the same way, That we get to know people, that they come into our lives, they touch our lives, we grow in one direction, they grow in another direction.
We attempt to maintain the relationship out of the honor of where we were before, and it becomes uncomfortable, filled with silence. It almost feels like a waste of time to be spending time with people in that way. Correct. It's either a repeat of the same thing you've done over and over again.
James (05:41)
I know.
Roselis (05:52)
Or it's a bunch of silences that don't add anything to either life.
James (05:59)
Agree.
I just broke out of a long term relationship. Right. You know that. Right. And one of my thoughts was
Wow, it's been almost eight, nine years. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna throw all that away. And then I caught myself.
Roselis (06:15)
Interesting thought. Throw all that away.
James (06:18)
That was my very first thought. ⁓ And then I thought, do we really work anymore? Or do we work in the way that I need? I had to examine. I really had to dig down and examine what I needed now versus eight, nine years ago, because it's different. And for the other person as well. And I figured out that it was better if we parted.
Roselis (06:27)
Mm-hmm.
James (06:43)
Not an easy decision, A lot of emotions and a lot of things going on, but I feel so much better, and I'm sure the person does as well. and we move on with love and kindness, meaning truly I wish this person kindness and love and peace, and I want them to go out and do whatever it is they need to do, When we walk away from a relationship, friend, family member, whatever.
We need to wish them love and kindness from a pure place, not just words, from a heartfelt place.
Roselis (07:11)
Absolutely. I mean I think that if you had love for that person, if that was a part of the true essence of that relationship, you always do that, no matter what, right? But interesting, how interesting that you looked at it as a waste,
Because there is no wasted time.
James (07:38)
Agreed. Agreed. On a deep level, we're all learning something.
Roselis (07:41)
Right. I mean if we are able to look at life that way from all perspectives at all times and we look at that every moment that we're together, that we're sharing, that we're doing all of these things, there is no loss It's only gain and again this goes back to the same because
James (07:57)
I agree.
Roselis (08:03)
If you think about it in the fact that at some point there is no more to give or learn from that person at that time.
James (08:13)
Very very important, yes, correct. And possible, It is very possible that we've outgrown or outrun the length of what we're going to learn and experience together.
Roselis (08:24)
Exactly. And so Exactly. That is the point.
James (08:25)
And that's okay.
But society doesn't teach us that.
Roselis (08:32)
Correct. And that's why, I found it incredibly interesting that you had that sense coming from it.
James (08:41)
When it first happened, I was like, whoa, all this time was wasted. Yes, I was in a delusional so the mind was not working correctly, right? My I wasn't being mindful. I was grasping at that picture that we all get sent when we're born, The station wagon, the car, the fence, the kids. Last forever. Yeah. We all have our version of that. and for me instant and and I'm so not that guy. Those of you that know me, I am not station wagon.
Roselis (09:10)
no, the picket fence The two
James (09:10)
Take it ⁓
But in all seriousness I bought into the forever for better or worse. I bought into that. But then when I really thought from a clear mind, this is not really working and maybe I should investigate it a little bit and figure out what I want, what's good for me, and then also the other person. Mm-hmm. Right. ⁓ and really realize that it was better off
parted and I friendships the same way, you know? I mean how many I'm sure you've walked away from friendships and relationships in your life because they're not, working anymore.
Roselis (09:50)
I have and with some of them I have had the conversation, but most of them has been kind of a natural parting. I wanna go back to something real quick though. you know, Mario, my husband, partner, and I have been together. It will be twenty-three years in a couple of weeks.
James (10:14)
Wow. Long time.
Roselis (10:16)
It's a very long time.
And we've had many periods of, I grow and he's kind of over here and I you know, this kind of seesaw, right? Where one supports the other,
And at those points, at some of the lows of those times where one is here and the other one's over here, there is tension in the relationship, etc., etc. But we know that there is a core within us that's very much compatible and all of those things. however, we have had the discussions, of as much as we are very committed to one another.
We also are not afraid of being able to let the other one go if that is the need of the other partner. And I think that that also allows for a flexibility and a feeling of ease within the relationship that allows us to be in it without feeling trapped.
James (11:23)
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.
Roselis (11:24)
Anything like that, right?
I'm going through whatever, or you're going through whatever, how can I best support you, or do I just let you be in that space for now? And I think, at least for me, and in within my experience, that sometimes if you're able to allow growth in that manner, then
you can go a little longer.
James (11:57)
Yeah, I would think that's one of the keys to a successful partnership, relationship, even family members if you could do that with right. If you have that that conversation to where there's trust and you know really
Roselis (12:12)
It
requires a lot of trust. So, I felt that it was important to interject that for a moment because there was something you said about your letting go of that relationship that brought that and I thought, you know, that that I think has been a great piece that's allowed us to go through these phases of growth.
Without fear. Right?
Of you know, of losing the
James (12:38)
Yeah, there I mean fear i it's it's a big word, if we can just kind of let go of the expectation, Just let it go and be very clear with who we are, what we need, which is super healthy.
And I really recommend, at least for me, to not be in a relationship with any other living being for the sake of the relationship. Right?
Roselis (13:04)
So, you know, I completely agree with not being in fear of being on your own. 'Cause I think that that also allows for the freedom of exactly what we're talking about, right? When you go into a different direction and you tend to stay in something is out of fear of being on your own or
James (13:24)
Totally.
Roselis (13:26)
I met my husband twenty three years ago was thirty eight at the time. And at that stage I had lived alone since I got out of boarding school basically. I had a roommate for a couple of years But besides that, I had been on my own, singly on my own all those years. And so that I think also
you know, makes up for it. But I I wanna go back to the real basis of this topic, right? I mean I'm not saying that this isn't the real basis of the topic. I'm saying the how do you stay, how do you make the decision?
Because I don't believe you should but w it's up to anybody what they do. Right. And if you stay, what are you sacrificing? And if you go, how do you go?
Because again, the the the idea here is
Being truly who we are is the luxury of living. And if you stay in a relationship that no longer works
you're doing yourself a disservice and you're doing the other person a disservice. And this is friendship work, work. That's a big one that we stay in, right? Family, etcetera. So how do you approach that? How do you approach that thinking behind coming to make those decisions of letting it go, staying? How does
A person that first encounters this. Because it's really seeing that not everything is eternal, that things can be finite. so how do you approach that? How do you take a look at all of that? The impermanence.
James (15:18)
Well it's all
It's all impermanent, right? Yeah, totally. listen, we gotta start off with being mindful, right? And listening to the consciousness, The our gut instinct, whatever we call it.
really knows. We just need to communicate and listen, ⁓ first off. And everybody's situation's different. So there are multiple types of different relationships of all kinds, including work. Very good point. I'm a loyalist, so it's hard for me to give up on work and things. But that's not always been a benefit for me.
I would say, really tap into being mindful, From a Buddhist perspective, we just need to quiet the mind and listen. When we listen and the mind still, the answers boil easily to the surface. Not the chaos, but the answers, And then weigh where you are. there's love, attachment. So love gets confused with attachment. Sure. I must have you. How many we've also there's a complete song repertoire on people that
You know, I must have this person to live. Well, so we're attaching. It's not love, We're attaching emotionally to the person, but it's not love, if we love the person, we want what's best for them. For them, not for Exactly. If we truly look at it. Yeah. So I think being mindful and then really figuring out what is your situation. You know, people have financial situations that they have. I have unfortunately I have dear friends that are in relationships that they've wanted to walk away from for a long time.
Roselis (16:35)
Yeah, exactly.
James (16:50)
Because they're financially tied to this person. Yeah. ⁓ and that for sure, you know? So really figuring out what your situation is, but moving on when you really know that that's what needs to happen, you need to move on, And figure the rest out. Because you staying is not good for your own growth, not good for the other person's growth. And again, no matter who it is, friend, family, wish them love and kindness.
Roselis (16:54)
That's a challenge.
James (17:18)
And move on. You don't need to be somebody's doormat, nor do they need to be yours.
Roselis (17:23)
Yeah. You know,
I think it's such a big statement.
that you just made saying that you shouldn't stay that fear prevents you from taking that step is really the one that you have to cross. Because I believe and this is just my belief and we've been having this conversation for years
I think that there's a purpose to everything that we do in this life and that we're here for a reason and that life shows us where to go and what to do. And so when that moment comes where you know you have to move on and you know you need to take the step you're breaking the pattern.
Of the waves, the signals, the energy that's supposed to be continuing for yourself and those around you when you get to that stopping place out of fear. So we ourselves break the pattern of growth by choosing not to move forward.
James (18:38)
Of course. Yeah. Correct. We are our worst enemy, right? That's we put the walls up, right?
Roselis (18:41)
Right.
And so, when your gut is telling you something, about moving forward, and you say, Well, now I'm gonna be with no friends. Well, first of all, the person that we have to honor is ourselves. We get up to ourselves every day. The only person that's gonna be with us for life is this apparatus that we inhabit today, So
then the fear of financial insecurity, I think that that's a huge one and that we all go through it in one way or another. But I also believe that if you believe you're doing the right thing for yourself and the partner, so that those lives are not stagnated.
by the staying
You find a way of changing the lifestyle.
Which is incredibly difficult. It is maximally difficult when you come from a space of luxury in the monetary and outer luxury space. For sure. We've both been through it, ups and downs, and we have experience with this. But I think that if we are able to be open-minded enough and get
The true sense that our growth
Can bring that on its own if we allow it.
James (20:19)
That's all being very mindful, Really being connected to consciousness and mindfulness.
Roselis (20:23)
But
isn't this the same? Isn't this conversation that we're having about moving forward from people and being able to take care of the self? So so when we're talking about those situations, and I'm not saying that I haven't been in those situations because of course I have. There's been that fear. my God, I can't go. I don't want to do this. I wanna stay, but I wanna be over there, but I wanna be over here.
James (20:29)
One thousand.
Correct
Roselis (20:51)
Mostly in business is where I've done this. You know, it's like, my god, but no no no no no and did it. And when the one that I'm holding on to for fear of financial insecurity again has to go for whatever reason, the other side always ends up being better than the one that I was hanging on to because I was afraid of losing.
James (21:20)
Yes. I ⁓ I I can say exactly the same thing, really, you know. I I mean I think you know this. I so I use the word loyalist already a couple of times. I am, I can't help it, I I love change, but I don't do it a lot, And every time the universe has pushed an employee, a project, a partner, whatever it is out of my life.
Something better has replaced it. and I've been blessed down that track road, But I do hang on. I stay too long at the fair. I love that expression. because every time I haven't, especially with people that I work with, and they've gone and I've held on too long, the person that walks in the door is like a breath of fresh air, ⁓ so I do believe in moving on.
It's just I don't have the best track record of moving on.
Roselis (22:17)
So so then the question remains, right? intellectually when we look back at the experiences, we know that moving on is helpful.
James (22:30)
Correct. And healthy. Yeah.
Roselis (22:32)
Absolutely, one hundred percent. And what I mean by helpful is that when our body you say is, you know, meditating, right? And gut instinct, I always think of it as that too, Like I feel like a full physical, I can't move in that direction anymore. And I don't listen to it because in my head I'm like, if I do this and I close that deal and I make this and then I can put that money over there
And then the deals fall apart.
James (23:01)
Unfortunately, yes, I know.
Roselis (23:05)
And then I end up with nothing, right? Had I not pushed past that, something else would have come my way. Because if I look back at the trajectory of my life, I've been very, very lucky, blessed,
And I'm incredibly grateful for the experiences that I've had because they've all led to this being this way. But if I stay on that
James (23:32)
They all led you to me.
Roselis (23:34)
Look at that and to us here. ⁓ you know, if I look at it in that sense, In the sense that time and time again it's proven that that is the healthier choice. And I believe Yes, absolutely. And I believe
James (23:48)
Moving on.
Roselis (23:53)
there's many people that say but I don't have that luck and I don't have that thing and I I'm not blahblah because I don't have that happen. Mm-hmm. my response is it's not that you don't have that happen, it's that you never take the step to move forward.
Yeah. And it might be crass, it might be rude
James (24:13)
But again, being mindful, right?
Roselis (24:15)
But it's that same
thing, that same idea because I believe that universally we all have that same trajectory as the experience of our life. And based on my personal experiences, right.
Think and believe, truly, truly believe that if we do do that, if we accept, that what's happening at the moment is not correct, because it doesn't feel right, and I'm not saying erratically or impulsively or anything like that, but with introspection and visiting how you feel and how it
Feels and what it's done, and all of those things, not for years, but for a moment, for a time. If you move forward as life is guiding you, as life is pushing you to go in that direction, you are going to be able to overcome the same thing that you are fearing by taking that step.
James (25:01)
Right, right, right.
Roselis (25:18)
So When we get to that space in a relationship, in a situation ship, in whatever that ship is that we need to ship out from, why do we stay in it? Is it
societal obligations, expectations, How do we examine that so that we can
take advantage of that which is an opportunity, And move forward. And if we choose to stay, that we are cognizant of the repercussions.
James (25:45)
Totally.
Roselis (25:58)
Of staying within something that serves us no longer.
James (26:03)
I mean, I think if we're questioning this at all, If you are in a relationship you're questioning the relationship. Well, for one, there's awareness. Because if you weren't aware, you wouldn't question it.
So that is the first thing that you're gonna be like, okay, there's something going on here. Just investigate, be aware of that. What am I questioning, Once we open that door and we're cognizant enough to open the door of awareness then we dissect what's really going on,
right? with friendships. I've limited my time. I have a dear friend, and I limit my time with this person. I love them dearly. Great human being. And I do still enjoy them.
In doses. And over the years, I really needed to be out of this picture completely, I just pulled myself out and still thought of this person in a loving kind way, but I didn't need to be in the relationship anymore. and I felt so much better. so yeah, I think
Number one, if somebody is questioning a relationship and something comes up, then obviously that is the first sign that something's going on. Correct, correct. if we're not aware of it at all, then we're not connected and we don't know. But that's the first step is we have say, this isn't working the way I thought it was going to And both emotionally
And intellectually, they have to connect,
Roselis (27:28)
And
you just brought me back to the impermanence, of things. And then I thought about, those moments where your lives can go parallel. And again, this is in all types of relationships, including business, Where you can go parallel with something and then land back on it again. Because you separate to do the work.
The life, the growth, the experiences that you have to have, and then you reconnect for whatever reason, life, energies, whatever bring you back to experience them again. And I think of all of these things as opportunities and all of these things as
Good things don't get it twisted. I have been in places where I have cried about having something change in my life because I expected it to be there forever. But I was younger, I didn't internalize the fact that things always change.
If we allow that to happen, I think we benefit immensely us sharing this is really about being able to let people know that if they're going through something like this, they're not alone.
James (28:57)
Totally.
Roselis (28:58)
that they're all part of growing and that as we evolve and learn and we are able to take a moment and take a look back and and really internalize again where the luxury lives.
then we are able to let go.
James (29:16)
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Roselis (29:19)
Instead of remain in something that doesn't
James (29:22)
'Cause We must realize the difference between loving somebody and wanting to be in a relationship and being emotionally grasping and attached to it. Two separate things entirely. Right.
Roselis (29:34)
Because we also have to think about the other person, Because it's very selfish of us to not want to let go because of our fear or because of the loyalty of the societal expectation of all of those things. Because if we are latching on to that, we're not letting that person go and grow on their own. It's a very selfish move.
James (29:39)
Correct.
Roselis (30:03)
To actually stay when you feel like you need to go.
So I think we should wrap it up. Do you have anything else on the topic that you would like to expand on any further at this time?
James (30:19)
You know, I think we've said a lot, but I'm gonna go back to it. Love and kindness, right? Wish all living beings love and kindness. 'Cause truly from a good intention place, not just words coming out of the mouth but and from the heart, and just move on. And that's it.
Roselis (30:36)
So I'm in full agreement with you. We hope that you've heard something that you can identify with and that you relate to. we like to close the episodes giving just one small, thought, for the week, So
this week notice a relationship where you feel obligated to remain and know you don't.
This is Seam Notes coming to you every Wednesday. Thanks for joining us.