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The Smoke Trail, hosted by Smoke Wallin, is a journey into awakening consciousness, weaving authentic stories and deep discussions with inspiring guests to unlock high performance and perfect health. Each episode delves into spirituality, leadership, and transformation, offering tools to transcend trauma and find your bliss along the way. It’s a reflective space for achieving peak potential and inner peace in a distraction-filled world.
Welcome to The Smoke Trail. This is season two episode 50, major milestone. So thanks for being with me. Five people came to me for help in recent months. Not one of them led with the real question.
Smoke:The sentence that mattered was the one they had buried. So I'm just gonna talk about that a little bit. Five conversations, one pattern. The man who called his gift a long shot, a business question hiding in a health crisis, the woman who teaches what she cannot yet live, understands it all, at least intellectually. The son with no reason to get up, 25 bright and adrift.
Smoke:The CEO who wants an answer about his marriage, a decision too big for an unclear state, and the successor at war with her father's team, constant friction until she dropped the rope. So the thesis of this episode is people rarely bring the real question up first. They bring the one that they can that they can solve and bury the sentence that would change the conversation. I'm gonna use these as five case studies that hopefully will be useful for some of you. Alright.
Smoke:The first one is a GIF called a long shot. This was someone who had done a lot of work on his own, but struggling financially, working long hours, multiple jobs, kind of in a in a rut of of a sort. And the sentence that mattered was really about his body and his despair, which was buried under a business question. So it came to me trying to figure out what to do to change his circumstances to get out of the financial treadmill he was stuck on. But in explaining the situation, basically revealed to me that he was suffering quite a bit of pain and was feeling quite a bit of depression, maybe embarrassment, maybe shame for his situation.
Smoke:You know, depleted states can produce depleted situations. Right? So his body was communicating, and he was ignoring it and just working through it, toughing through the pain. And he thought his problem was a financial problem, but the reality was his body was speaking to him, was letting him know that things are not right. You know, I think he called his real gift a long shot.
Smoke:So this is someone who has a real gift who was actually quite talented at helping people, but he was stuck in kind of a manual labor situation and didn't see how he could bridge from where he was to to that. And so, you know, basically, the path with his name on it was the one that kind of feared wouldn't work. So we had a number of calls, you know, that were not, you know, commitment things or me coaching him, but it was really just to get him thinking about what is it that he wants to do and how does he get out of his own way. And the first thing was, you know, hey, you know, let's address the health issues. There was a feeling there's no time to work out.
Smoke:There's no time to take care of himself. And so that was just gonna get worse. So that was the first thing was like, hey, you have to take time for yourself no matter what, even if it's on a break at lunch, even if it's early morning before things get going. And then, you know, really kind of putting a two track build together, a bridge, you know, that allowed him to start thinking about a brighter future, what he really wanted to do, helping other people, and getting him out of the situation where he was constantly on the treadmill and working long hours just to make ends meet. I didn't solve anything for him, but I helped him, I think, reflect on what was important for him and just gave him the understanding that he mattered and that you can change your circumstances if you focus on, first of all, loving yourself and being present with the situation.
Smoke:So it's easier said than done, but he's on the on the right path now and, you know, still there's challenges. But I think just having someone notice and believe in him, which I did, I do, I think changed his outlook. Right? Made him feel like there's another there's something more to this life that I can that I can work on and get to. And sometimes that's all people need is a little bit of hope to think about a different future.
Smoke:And doesn't mean you don't have to still walk through the path you're on and show up at work. And, you know, we can all I said this to another couple. You know, we could of us can do whatever we have to do for some period of time. So, you know, whether that's driving an Uber or it's working manual labor or it's, you know, busing tables or waiting tables or bartending or whatever it is, any one of us can do those for as long as we need to to get to another thing. But if we don't think about what we want or envision it and take step concrete steps to get there, that feels like you're in a dead end.
Smoke:But if you do have those things, you have thought about that, you are working on yourself and you're working on, you know, envisioning what it would be like to do the thing that you really want to do, then those those things you have to do in the short term become just part of life, and they're not a burden anymore. And I think it's it's just the shift in outlook in terms of, you know, how we how we face our day. And I've done a lot of I've done all those jobs I mentioned. I've done a lot of other jobs, you know, certainly growing up. Very hard manual labor, delivering pizzas, working in grocery stores, dishwasher, you name it.
Smoke:I did all those things in into college and and and didn't always love them, but, you know, there's something to being present and enjoying and being appreciating getting hard work done. And when you get into that zone where you just you're focused on being present and doing it, time kinda disappears, and the physical tiredness of of doing hard things kind of dissipates, and you can kinda just go all day. The next one is a woman who kinda teaches what she cannot yet live. Right? So this is someone who runs a financial company at a high level whose work is value based, and it's about wealth and communication with family.
Smoke:And, you know, she said to me, I understand at least intellectually and but couldn't feel it. And, you know, the way she described it to me was I'm I know what I need to do, but I can't I can't seem to do it, and I can't seem to stay present. The day to day grind is getting in my way of connecting to source, connecting to my true self. And, you know, this is someone who grew up where a very successful family became very wealthy. Along the way, kind of communication with the family broke down and kind of described her relationship with her family and her father, and it was kind of self as she described a narcissistic person, very self centered, and she had broken off ties with him.
Smoke:And then went on to explain to me or describe her current business situation where she was a, you know, leading of this company and had a partner who is, behaving narcissistically and, demanding, she do a bunch of things that is not in the interest of her business and her family. And, I couldn't help but observe, and I pointed out, I'm like, you you can, you can break ties with your family, but if you haven't resolved that energy that is, the unresolved emotional energy, I call them emotional energy hairballs, that are stuck inside. If you haven't resolved them and fully been present with what those are, then they're gonna come back up. And so to me, her situation with a business partner that was behaving sounded just like her father was exactly that. It was that distortion that was stuck inside of her resurfacing for her to deal with it directly.
Smoke:And and she she, you know, she wasn't super happy to hear that, but I think she totally agreed with me at that point. You know, she was never short on understanding, but she was kinda short on permission. And the, you know, the things that we talked about were creating a practice of doing at least something every day. And it's not really about scheduling an appointment against your life. It's like, how do you do what you're already doing and incorporate some practices that can help, be centered, be present, be connected to source.
Smoke:And, you know, I kinda I I love brother Lawrence and the practice, the presence of God and this quote, in in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, I possess God in his great tranquility as if I were upon my knees. And that whole brother Lawrence, you know, story, which is a beautiful short book, which I recommend for everybody, is just about practicing the presence of God in every situation that we're in. And that's what we can do. So no matter what your circumstances, you can be present and be your come from can be divine, can be love. And whether you're washing the dishes or you're peeling the potatoes, you know, you can do that with complete love and and joy of serving others, serving your family, feeding people, taking care of things, or you can come at it with regret or with resistance of like, don't wanna be doing this.
Smoke:Right? And you're doing the same activity, but you come from it from a very different place. One of the things we talked about was just taking, you know, a very short time, and she said she was having trouble with meditation. And I said, well, look. The it would be better to meditate for five minutes a day every day than once a week for an hour.
Smoke:And if you can do that for, say, thirty days straight, it's starts to become easier and easier. And you'll find that you can sit for ten minutes or you can sit for fifteen or twenty minutes. And then at some point, you've got the ability to sit with yourself and you just build that into your day. And once it becomes part of your just who you are, you don't think about it. It's not like I have to go meditate.
Smoke:It's just you do it. You go into a meditative state. And that's one of the simplest and best practices, but literally starting with five minutes, you could do it in early in the morning before everyone's up. You could do it at lunch, take a break, get away, shut your door, shut your office, go get sit in your car and meditate for five or ten minutes and just clear your mind. And you'd be surprised at how much of an impact that that has, but it's more the consistency and the every day doing it.
Smoke:My next one is no reason to get up. So this was a YPO referral. It was someone who has a 25 year old son who, very bright, had a gaming addiction as a teenager, did a wilderness program, took some time off of university and unsure of why he exists or why he's there. He had three years of psychoanalysis that he abandoned for lack of progress, had little, little demonstration of any ambition. This is a YPO father, so this guy's a big successful guy.
Smoke:The kid is not showing, a lot of indication that he has ambition and, know, just kind of a little bit lost. The thing that frightened his father the most is he had a very unusual tolerance for pain, so he could suffer a lot, which, you can be good, but it can also be very dangerous. Think I saw a deer walk by behind me, which I love. So, you know, the opening, we talked about the relationship. He said it's improved.
Smoke:He's agreed to sit with his father and a coach together. And I mostly just ask questions in all these situations because, you know, people come to me with these things and they think they're asking me for an answer, the the answer lies within. And but it sometimes it takes someone to hold space and ask some questions that get them to focus on what is the issue. I think one of the things is, and this happens a lot when you've got a successful, highly outwardly successful parent, And the kid is kinda lost because, you know, they don't see how they can repeat or can follow in those footsteps. And, you know, a lot of leaders wanna take charge of the situation.
Smoke:They wanna sit down and make a plan and fix things. And that's not necessarily how people fix themselves is you they have to come to it. So letting the son answer the questions first and, you know, being present for that and and just holding space to let him speak was was a big part of this conversation. So these were some of the questions that that I, you know, brought up, find the live wire. And in the past six months, what lit him up even slightly, even for five minutes?
Smoke:So I was just trying to get at, like, what is it that excites this kid, this young man, reading his conditions? Like, did he do better with clear boundaries and mentorship or with total autonomy? What broke down? Just trying to understand, like, what was making him tick, meaning the resistance. You know, what turned you off for three years of analysis?
Smoke:What would make this worth your time? He obviously was willing to do work, but it wasn't seeing the results. Let's face it, like everything else in life, doctors, anybody else, therapists, there's a bell curve. Some of them can be quite useful and are at the top end of the bell curve where they are quite effective and they are really good at helping people figure things out. And there's a whole bunch of people in the middle and at the bottom in the bell curve, don't know, you know, they probably need to do work on their own on themselves.
Smoke:So just because someone goes to therapy doesn't mean they're with the right therapist. I, I, I caution that of everyone because if you're vulnerable and you think, I'm going to therapy. Well, that's great, but make sure you have someone that actually knows how to get results and isn't indoctrinated in some way. You know, locating agency is really what a lot of this is about. You know, kind of zero to 10, how much responsibility do you feel for creating the life you want?
Smoke:What number feels true, but not crushing? You know, that can tell a lot. If you feel like you don't aren't in control, none of us are really in control. But if you think everything is happening from the outside in, it probably is, and you're allowing that to happen. And it's taking agency back, recognizing our sovereignty that is what gets people out of that doom loop.
Smoke:And then aiming at the future, and this is kind of ties in the last one. But a year from now, what would you say would be worth it? What would be different? So just being able to envision what is it that you would like to be? How would you like the world to be?
Smoke:How would you like your life to be? And even just putting time and energy into what that looks like, not dwelling on it, not spending all your time about it, but having enough thought that goes into it to really try to envision what is it that you want and what would that feel like. If you do that and you clear with it and, you know, there's lots of ways to manifest and create vision boards and all kinds of things, I think those are all really useful. And then you don't dwell on it. You know, just kind of have that, but put it away and be present.
Smoke:Alright. Fourth one, a decision that had to wait. So I another CEO friend of mine reached out to me and said, I have this I have a personal problem. I wanna talk to about me. Okay.
Smoke:Tell me tell me about it. He was running a technology company, and his question was whether he should stay in his marriage, and he was asking for clarity. I have no idea if he should stay in his marriage, but I knew right away that I needed to ask some questions. So what is behind that question? What's inside of you that's driving this feeling is the first thing I asked him.
Smoke:And, you know, underneath, he had a deep, you know, feelings of depression, unworthiness. He had impostor syndrome. You know, and it quick you know, quickly, it became evident to me that, you know, he had a lot of shadows that were driving him to this this, you know, big decision that, you know, with young children and, you know, a a marriage that obviously would would would would change everything if if he if he decided to leave it. And, you know, my reflection to him was, I have no idea if this is a good idea or a bad idea for you. It's completely not my place to choose or or help with that.
Smoke:I would just say that until you've done your own work and you're clear and you have seen and cleared your own shadows so that you are in a elevated state of being that you're not in a position to make a decision like that. And and he took my I think he took that well and asked for, you know, help. He I end up referring him to one of my teachers where he was able to go do deep medicine work, big ceremony work that surfaced a bunch of childhood trauma that he had that he worked on extensively. And he deferred the decision until he could trust the state he was in deciding from. And, you know, I think what surfaced became material for integration, not a verdict on the marriage, but he was in a better place to make that decision.
Smoke:Alright. Last one. Tie it all together. This is a family office leader, next in line to succeed her father in constant friction with his leadership team. And so very successful family, big organization, kind of the in the successor position, which I I know well.
Smoke:And there's all these rivalries and things in in any kind of organization where, you know, you're a threat to the the the people that are working for the father. You're the next generation, so that's, like, already been kind of identified, but you're not in charge yet. So they're still his team, still his people loyal to him. In some ways, they're loyal he's loyal to them. And the prior regime does things a certain way, and and she found herself arguing about everything, like every little thing, getting in arguments in the boardroom, getting arguments about just lots of decisions.
Smoke:And the way I helped her think about it or reframe it was, you know, in a tug of war, it only works if you two people are pulling on the rope. And I love this analogy, but if you drop the rope, there's no tug of war. There you can't be. There can't be a tug of war. And what does dropping the rope mean in a situation like this?
Smoke:It means, well, pick your spots. What what are the things that you're arguing about that actually matter? And what are the things that you can, you know, just let go? You know? And gonna do things a certain way.
Smoke:They have been doing a certain way. They're very successful. So it doesn't you don't have to change all those things. You can allow them and and not let it bother you. And so it's kinda like it was dropping the rope.
Smoke:It's not necessarily surrendering, but it's choosing the few things that matter and decline the daily bounds that will not matter in the long run. And I talked to her some months later, she said, I dropped the rope, and things got a lot better all around. So that was a really cool outcome. What are the shared toolkits, things that we could think about from all these different examples? First of all, calibration before prescription.
Smoke:I've talked a lot about David Hawkins with the scale of consciousness and and just having an idea of where people are coming from. You can do that in conversation, but you can also do that by muscle testing and, you know, levels, location. Locations can be left. And so just understanding what are the aversions and attractions that are keeping people in a certain consciousness level and helping them become aware of them because no one can do it for them. Right?
Smoke:So they have to become aware of them in order to transcend them. So I find that to be useful. I usually do that before the conversation, I have an idea of where they're coming from. Listening to the body, as I mentioned, suffering is the body communicating. That may or may not mean a doctor.
Smoke:It always means paying attention and not ignoring it. The body is communicating to you. So, if you're feeling pain, you're feeling issues in different parts of your body, you're having health issues, the body's communicating something's off, something's wrong with your energy, and some attention needs to be made to that. Somatic release, you know, feeling the suspension the sensation. If there's anxiety or some issue with a thing you're facing, trying to feel where it is in your body and dropping the story, but just feeling the spot.
Smoke:And, you know, basically, if you drop the narrative and you feel the spot and you put your conscious awareness on it and you say, what am I supposed to learn from this? What am what is this telling me? What is this teaching me? Ask those kinds of questions. Nothing can withstand conscious awareness, and it will dissipate.
Smoke:It may take a while, but it will always dissipate. Micropractices, thank you in the car on hard days. My guest from last season, Kamal Ravikant, practice love yourself like your life depends on it, his whole book around that. Just being in gratitude and taking moments and just micro practice being in gratitude, being thankful. You know, it's really, really simple, but doing it on a regular basis throughout the day makes a big difference.
Smoke:Mirroring and validation, curiosity and judgment cannot coexist. Validation is not agreement. So, you know, if you're curious about things, then you're not in judgment. So ask the question, what is this trying to teach me? What is the situation that's causing me upset telling me?
Smoke:What am I supposed to learn from this? And just by shifting to that question, it changes the dynamic quite a bit. And then design moves, small actions that commit no one to anything, fog becomes data. So, I mean, that's just, you know, thinking about the situation and getting a little bit of distance from it, separation from it, not being in it. You're not your thoughts.
Smoke:You're not your emotions. You have thoughts and emotions, and becoming aware of those can change everything. As Ivan Reydos has said, denial is the cause. Denial creates tension. Tension is disease.
Smoke:Being in curiosity and asking those kinds of questions gets you out of denial, gets you out of the resistance and the friction. And that's what creates flow, which creates lack of dis ease. It gets back to ease. So diagnostic ear, what to listen for. Let's say you've got someone who is struggling with something.
Smoke:No time, that usually means no permission. They haven't given themselves permission. The word should, they're shoulding on themselves, something that is something many of us do, have done over our lives. You can't shit on yourself. You have to be kind and not judging of yourself.
Smoke:Not, I should do this. Be kind to that human form that you're in, and that gives it space to make changes. Whether someone wants to practice or wants to hear, they are not failing. Sometimes people want to hear, Hey, what can I do to make changes? Or do they just want to hear, you know, they just want to be able to speak and have someone hold presence.
Smoke:And the thing they do not say, in all five cases, that was the thing. It was never the first thing that they brought up. So the mirror move, what is that? You'll not always have someone across the table turn the question on yourself. And this is things you can ask yourself, like what is loudest right now?
Smoke:What am I calling a long shot? Something I'm thinking about that seems impossible. What am I what am I self restricting that I could do if I just stopped saying I can't do it or it's a long shot? What sense am I bearing? Like, what like, you know, being curious and digging, what is the underlying thing that's causing me to feel the way I'm feeling?
Smoke:And if I am you know, what decision am I making from an unclear state, and what rope am I still holding? Remember, if you drop the rope, there's no tug of war. As Giridov said allegedly, without self knowledge, man cannot be free. And that speaks to being mechanical, being animalistic, being respond in a mode of just you automatic response to situations and stimuli. Or if you become aware of those, you can make choices.
Smoke:You become sovereign. So what moves into the open? Back to the Johari window, which I like to use. The buried sentence, you know, finally said out loud, you know, that that moves to the open. Blind the gift everyone else can see her half of the tug of war.
Smoke:So, you know, just by pointing that out, made that into her awareness. The unknown, what fueled the gaming, what fueled the childhood trauma, the ceremony surfaced. So these are, you know, doing shadow work. And the hidden, you know, health despair, the unworthiness behind the CEO title. So these are all like things that are like kind of underlying, and everybody's dealing with these things in some form or fashion.
Smoke:Everybody. No. There's not a single person in the planet who doesn't deal with this stuff. And our job is to move more of the things that are hidden from our awareness into our awareness. And we do that.
Smoke:You raise your consciousness because you can't solve things that are in your subconscious that are out out of your awareness. Five things to walk away with. One, the presenting question is rarely the real question. Two, your body is speaking. Listen to it.
Smoke:Three, fold practice into the day you already have. Don't wait for, Oh, I'll have time someday. No. Build it in today. For clear the shadows before a big decision, not after.
Smoke:And you can always drop the rope, one of my favorites. As David Hawkins said, we change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become. I hope this has been useful to you in some way, shape, or form. I keep getting people coming to me, and and I am no longer surprised by it. I just ask myself, what is it that they're asking, and how can I help them reflect back to solve their own issue, which is literally how every issue gets solved?
Smoke:So with that, I hope you enjoyed today's episode of The Smoke Trail, and I look forward to seeing you soon. Thank you.