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The Life of And podcast is for high-achieving women and working parents who are ready to stop living a life of “have to” and start designing a life they actually want. It’s a space where we talk honestly about the things we’re often afraid to admit — even to ourselves. The exhaustion. The ambition. The loneliness. The joy. The tension of wanting more without losing yourself in the process.
If you’re in the thick of it — feeling stretched, tired, hopeful, driven — this is your invitation to take a breath, get real, and find your way back to your own Life of And.
[00:00:00] Tiffany Sauder: When you set a goal that has almost no margin for success and then you fail at it, you don't just move on, right? We go into restart mode and you stop doing anything for a while, drift back to your old habits, and then we restart. And it's this failure cycle that happens over and over and over and over again.
[00:00:20] Tiffany Sauder: I know about this because I've lived it, and in this episode I'm gonna tell you how I got out of this cycle of great big goal, don't deliver for myself on the things I said I was going to do, stop doing anything entirely, feel completely guilty that I gave up or sort of didn't show up for myself again, and then finally have the courage to restart and set new goals.
[00:00:42] Tiffany Sauder: And this cycle happened over and over again. In this episode, I'm telling you, it was a breakthrough for me. I walk through how I got out of that cycle in my life, and I hope it helps you as you're sort of thinking about what's next as you look at your life. Listen in.
[00:00:55] Tiffany Sauder: I'm Tiffany Sauder, entrepreneur, wife, mom, to four girls and a woman figuring it out just like you. Come on, let's go build your Life Of And.
[00:01:06] Tiffany Sauder: Hey, welcome back to another episode of the Life Of And podcast. I am Tiffany Sauder. And if you caught my summer planning episode back in April, you heard me say that working moms who actually enjoy the summer are the ones who plan it, and that only you can make yourself a customer of your summer.
[00:01:26] Tiffany Sauder: Well, this next few weeks, this is me taking my own advice, and one of my priorities this summer is to be present for my family. And so I'm gonna take a few weeks away from the recording studio. So for the next few weeks, instead of new episodes, I'm going to be bringing back the ones that you've told me have made a real difference.
[00:01:43] Tiffany Sauder: So while these episodes were recorded during a specific season of my life, some of the details may have changed just a bit. But the tools, the underlying frameworks, they definitely have not. And that's why I picked them. If the frameworks are still holding up in my life, I know that they'll hold up for your life too.
[00:02:00] Tiffany Sauder: All right, let's get into it, and I hope you're loving your summer
[00:02:03] Tiffany Sauder: I would say we have like a loose outline for our conversation today, but it's not like super dialed in 'cause I really just want to try to be as present as possible.
[00:02:12] Tiffany Sauder: Maybe this is me making an excuse for not being as prepared as I should be, but of just like exporting what ha- the like last even like six to 10 days have looked like since my last conversation with Brian Kavicky. I'm in this massive season of change and converging priorities. And that is like literally the summation of, I know all of your lives that are listening to this is a convergence of change and priorities.
[00:02:41] Tiffany Sauder: I don't know, I guess I just want to like live my version of this right now, like kind of open kimono and share what I'm learning, what I'm doing. Because there are these periods of like I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. I'm kind of mad at everything. I'm going through this failure cycle in my head that everything's gonna suck and I'm gonna be terrible and it's gonna be a flaming turd at the end.
[00:03:03] Tiffany Sauder: And then it's like, "No, I can do this 'cause I can do anything and I've done hard things my whole life and da da da da, da. So that's the thing. So we're gonna talk about some version of that today and then we'll see where else Sam takes us. Are you gonna sound bite? Yes, I will. Yes. Do that.
[00:03:19] Tiffany Sauder: Yes as
[00:03:19] Tiffany Sauder: well. Kind of an update on how I did end of summer. yeah. I'll do that.
[00:03:28] Tiffany Sauder: So where do we start? And Shawn knows. Yeah, so Brian is my, like coach in real life. Also a content partner with the Life Of And because his. Learning and what he teaches me is just something I want to share with the entire world. and so last week I selfishly used it really as my own live coaching session and was just exporting a lot of insecurities, a lot of just like head trash that I had about all these things that are happening in our lives.
[00:04:06] Tiffany Sauder: And they're all good things. And for the most part, we've, I have chosen all of them. So I am like, I know I have the capacity to navigate these things, but right now I'm kind of frozen.
[00:04:17] Tiffany Sauder: And
[00:04:17] Tiffany Sauder: I'm confused and I don't know where to start. And so then I kind of wake up every day in this state of like, like I'm just insecure about like, have I done enough?
[00:04:26] Tiffany Sauder: Did I not do enough today? did something fall through the cracks? And I just don't have the sense of like yep, I know what to do, I'm leaving it all on the mat. I'm focused. When I wake up, I know how I need to use my time. And that is like the version of my life where I know I'm in a high Output mode. And when I'm in the season, where I'm like, everything needs me, but I'm confused and paralyzed. Then I'm like, oh my word. I'm just inefficient. I'm like, I'll sit down and like paint my nails or something like, So ridiculous. Because I just don't know what to do. Or I'll, like, I'll just like open my inbox and be like, I guess I'll start with the first one. And It's like I'm in just, like the urgent is just, from that ...I mean, your nails are not urgent, but like nothing is driving my decision-making because I'm just confused, so I know when I get there, I need to export it to someone. because I'm, I'm not gonna get out of it on my own. And So I would say I was in that state for probably the better part of two to three weeks.
[00:05:25] Tiffany Sauder: Do you think? You think it was longer than that?
[00:05:35] Tiffany Sauder: think I was, I was not confident about what to do around Life Of And. I was like, swirling of like, I just, I'm like, uh, like
[00:05:45] Tiffany Sauder: we
[00:05:45] Tiffany Sauder: need to move this to a place of scale.
[00:05:46] Tiffany Sauder: We've kind of been in this like. Testing season where it's like everything's a little bit different. We're doing a lot of different things. And I told Sam, like we, everything we do can't be different. Like there's no way to scale that. And so I was trying to think through how do I do that? And.
[00:06:02] Tiffany Sauder: That was kinda like problem number one I was trying to solve.
[00:06:05] Tiffany Sauder: And then, we're going into school, which is like different season. Our girls are gonna be on a different schedule. Some of that's easier, some of that's harder. Two of them are gonna be in season in high school sports. and then, yeah, we bought this house. It's gonna be lovely and amazing and I'm so excited.
[00:06:21] Tiffany Sauder: And it's like what we've prayed for, what I've prayed for, I don't know if JR's prayed for it, but for the last couple years, and it's gonna be a construction project for. Hopefully nine months and not longer than that, and we'll be living in this house and just like all of that logistics and planning and being a good steward, of it, I was just shutting down.
[00:06:39] Tiffany Sauder: and so this is the part of the conversation where I feel self-conscious 'cause you don't really care about my problems, But what
[00:06:44] Tiffany Sauder: I'm sharing them is like, you have your own version of what this looks like, where it's like I'm just spinning, it's this and it's this and this person needs me and this thing at work and we've got this sales conference, we've got this thing, then I've gotta travel, then my mom needs me, and I've got these doctor's appointments like where you're just like,
[00:06:57] Tiffany Sauder: ha.
[00:06:59] Tiffany Sauder: and what's going on inside your head is just at a feverish pace where it is unmanageable. You're not like organized around any of those priorities actually. And what you're doing during the day may or may not be moving them forward at a pace that may or may not be relevant to what needs to be done.
[00:07:16] Tiffany Sauder: And that's what I felt like was the way I was using my time. What my head was going to was like not as connected to my priorities in a way where I was like confident about each day what I'm doing. It might work, it might not, but at least I know I'm moving my time towards the right stuff. So that's kind of the like, I guess just backdrop of where I was at. And really what this whole Life Of And framework and toolkit was designed to help is at these inflection points where it seems like, man, I gotta get clear about what I'm gonna say yes to, what I'm gonna say no to, how I'm gonna design.
[00:07:52] Tiffany Sauder: My days so that I can get as much of this done as possible and be available to myself and to my family, the people, not just the tasks in a way that keeps all of that really healthy. because when we get in these seasons where it's bonkers, we get into these different modes. I go into like robot task mode where my emotions are untouchable.
[00:08:13] Tiffany Sauder: I don't listen to JR very well. I don't make time for fun, and I'm just like, "Oh, that's a guy's idea I don't want to be like that. I want to be fun. So anyways, that's sort of the thing. So your Question to me was like, what have I done since my conversation with Brian, That's kind of my backdrop. So one of the things he said to me was, you've got to get it all.
[00:08:31] Tiffany Sauder: You have to make the unknowns known. And so that was like where are all the places where my brain is making up stories.
[00:08:39] Tiffany Sauder: So a silly example, I was like, Ainsley is going to high school volleyball for the first time I know they play more. Games. So I don't know. My head was like 1,000. maybe they play 1,000 games. You know, 'cause play 1,000. That's gonna be crazy. You know what I mean? But I, I didn't, I had never actually gone and looked at the schedule.
[00:08:58] Tiffany Sauder: if I was honest. So I was like, I should probably just go download the schedule. I bet it's up on the school website. So I like went and did that and put all of those games on the calendar And it is not 1,000, but it does look close to,
[00:09:10] Tiffany Sauder: 1,000 .It's like
[00:09:13] Tiffany Sauder: 25 or something. It's way more than a middle school season, which is fine. We will be excited for all of those games. So that made an unknown known. Very helpful to actually have it on my calendar. So now when people ask me for speaking engagement dates, I can see is it a home game?
[00:09:29] Tiffany Sauder: or an away game Am I okay missing that game or not? okay Missing that game And I don't have to fear it because now I know it Have you set like No, but I think that's. a good Idea. I think I need to ask Ainsley what's to her I actually, I'm gonna make a note of that.
[00:09:46] Tiffany Sauder: because that is a thing I love to manage is Okay. I probably, well I won't make all of them So what is the right number?
[00:09:55] Tiffany Sauder: I think agreeing with Ainsley on that. So I like that clear agreements Is part of our versus implied expectations. Um, 'cause if she is expecting me to be all of them at all of them, and I'm expecting.
[00:10:08] Tiffany Sauder: Not to be all of them at all of them, and we've just implied that then we are set up for disappointment 'cause I'm like, What do you mean? I wasn't planning." But if we can have that conversation and make it into an explicit agreement where I say, okay, I'll be at 15 of the 25 and you want me to be at the key rivalry games or whatever.
[00:10:23] Tiffany Sauder: then amazing. Let's do that. So,
[00:10:25] Tiffany Sauder: that's one thing that I did, I think it's like silly, but it's just about how do you make the unknowns known.
[00:10:30] Tiffany Sauder: With that one, It was very easy. the other thing I did was had a conversation with my lead contact at the construction company who's gonna be doing our work. And I told her once we get to the design meeting, I need to have a meeting with you that is all about planning. 'cause I have never done this before and I need to know the weeks where it is gonna be an outsized use of my time.
[00:10:52] Tiffany Sauder: And every time you send me a request, I need to know when you need it by. Can we make that agreement? and so again, it's like totally, So I don't have the answers to that unknown yet, but I know how to get it, and she has the expectation that after we have this meeting on July 31st, that that's gonna be an important meeting.
[00:11:08] Tiffany Sauder: So that I can put on my calendar, and Sam, you can help me manage, Hey, I'm gonna have to have two days where all I'm doing is driving around and looking at cabinet samples and tile and, and it's like, okay, well if we know that in advance, we can get content made beforehand, we can get things reviewed so that things aren't waiting on me.
[00:11:27] Tiffany Sauder: amazing. I can do that. the other thing I went to back and did is I kind of recommitted in my personal minimums, so I want to take a minute and just like double click into this concept of minimums. If you're new to it. It's a key aspect of the Life Of And framework because as achievers, as people who want to do all the things, be all the places, serve on all the boards, Lead all the people, you know, be at all the PTO meetings, whatever the things are for you, we tend to go to what is the most, so I use my workout world as an example. when I would want to, like in my past version of my life it's like if I wanted to go lose 10 pounds, I would go create a calendar that had me working out six days a week, waking up every day at 5:15 lifting, running 20,000 steps, just like the, the most I could possibly do.
[00:12:18] Tiffany Sauder: As fast as possible is how I would plan this and it was set up for total failure. And then when you fail at something that really has a very small margin cha- you know, of being successful, then you go into restart mode, where you have a period where you're not doing anything and you're kind of just going back to your old habits and then you restart, and it's this failure cycle over and over again.
[00:12:38] Tiffany Sauder: The world of the The concept of minimums is what is the thing that you can get done on your very worst?
[00:12:45] Tiffany Sauder: week?
[00:12:47] Tiffany Sauder: When everything is going terrible, you're on the road, a kid is sick, you know, you woke up late,
[00:12:53] Tiffany Sauder: What are the things that, for you, make the worst week and what can you get done even on that week? That's your minimum, And when you commit to your minimum every single week, you can hit it 52 weeks A year or 50 weeks a year instead of committing to the most and then feeling anything below that as a failure When you define your minimum and the key aspects of your life, fitness, spiritual relationships, work priorities, your minimums, and you maintain those like at almost all cost, then
[00:13:28] Tiffany Sauder: life has a way of moving forward even when the season gets super hairy. And so I'm heading into a hairy season that's probably gonna be kind of. pregnated. like. this house project is not gonna be like six weeks Whoop whoop, done done This is like pregnancy term long. When I say it like that, it makes me have a little bit of a headache. I'm gonna have to hold fast. to These minimums, like my life depends on it because it actually does. Because when I fall out of sync with myself, meaning I give up my personal time of like exercise and Just the things that, now, I was joking with you earlier, Sam. The most normal bodily functions require an incredible amount of attention.
[00:14:08] Tiffany Sauder: Once you get to menopa- like this season in life I'm 45, what is happening?
[00:14:13] Tiffany Sauder: Everything's hard. but when I fall out of sync with those things, it takes up so much space in my brain. 'cause it's like, you didn't work out,
[00:14:19] Tiffany Sauder: you didn't work out
[00:14:20] Tiffany Sauder: You didn't work out. It just like,
[00:14:21] Tiffany Sauder: haunts me. Totally This grumpy servant starts to come. Out so heavy and hairy. So exactly right. And then the other is my relationship minimums with JR. When we fall out of sync, everything is harder. It makes me tired. you know, I think about it. I like, It just makes life hard when we're not in sync, and we're gonna need to be in sync because we're gonna have to make really hard decisions together.
[00:14:48] Tiffany Sauder: And so going to bed at the same time is a big thing for us. like
[00:14:53] Tiffany Sauder: this week he was like, "Hey, you wanna go play pickleball?" And I was like, I kind of didn't want to, but I was like, I want us to spend time together because it's important to like, play and not just do business together, which we're like better at. And it ended up being so fun. I was so grumpy when we got there because I was already tired and you need to reserve a court at the club. And they're new and so they're full a lot like in the evenings. And so we got there at 7:45, and our, our court reservation was for 8:30, And I needed to be home to put kids to bed by 9:00. I was like, we're here 45 minutes early, you know, so we're like hitting the ball back and forth on the tennis court. And I was like, this is not fun. I don't want to hit a ball for 45 minutes with no lines." you know, like what is happening? It ended up redeeming because there's like one court that's like player stays.
[00:15:43] Tiffany Sauder: And so we ended up playing there. It was super fun. and We met whatever, we met some people up, but for like 10 minutes.
[00:15:48] Tiffany Sauder: I was like hate this.
[00:15:50] Tiffany Sauder: And he knew, he knew I was hating it. and we were just not talking about it It's like, this is supposed to be fun, be cool. but that was an example of me being like, we need time together. I know this is really important right now and it's just important.
[00:16:02] Tiffany Sauder: So those are minimums. What is the thing that you can do on your very worst week? So I went back through my core minimums and the really the biggest ones are my time w- on myself. I become a grumpy servant when I get busy because I just focus on the family and I just focus on work and I let myself go. and really dialing in those relationship minimums with JR and I, super important. So that's the minimums. So I did that. I clearly defined goals where they were directional. So like you and I were like, we need to move some things forward with Life Of And. But if somebody would have asked you in a cold, dark alley, what those were, we would have Said maybe directionally the same things, but like not the same things. But now I feel like we would point to the exact same piece of paper.
[00:16:48] Tiffany Sauder: We know exactly what they are. And so our behavior is aligned. We can speak to them, we can organize around them. and it feels better, or worse.
[00:16:55] Tiffany Sauder: Would
[00:16:55] Tiffany Sauder: you say. But way better. It's like, okay, this is better. It's clear. We can get organized. So that's the other thing I did where there were directional goals, I made them very clearly defined I wanna take a quick moment to thank my partners at Share Your Genius. For the past four years, they have been an incredible part of my journey. Behind the Microphone, Share Your Genius is a content and podcast production agency that helps leaders and brands bring their message to life.
[00:17:21] Tiffany Sauder: So, whether you're trying to find your voice, develop a content strategy, or get your leader behind a microphone, they're gonna help you make it simple, strategic and impactful.
[00:17:29] Tiffany Sauder: this is maybe a boring tangent. You can decide if it is. But the directional goals versus specific goals, directional goals are easier for me. I want more of something, I want less of something, specific goals My brain starts to engage and Say like, but what if you're wrong? Like you want four new clients What if you only get three. Maybe the goal should be three. Like maybe it should be five. Like, I get a little paralyzed when I have to make goals super explicit because I start renegotiating with myself versus being like, it's not about being perfectly right or wrong.
[00:18:10] Tiffany Sauder: It's about directionally planting a flag that has specificity, and then it might be five, it might be three and a half, but you at least kind of have established the intensity. It's probably not 100
[00:18:23] Tiffany Sauder: New clients in our world, and it's not. zero You you know what I mean? It's like, it's more about, okay, move it from more to pick a number because that is defining intensity.
[00:18:32] Tiffany Sauder: And I can sometimes, like ...this just takes me longer than it needs to, to just plant the flag and be like, just run at it. And if you get six weeks in and realize you were off by order of magnitude, it should've been 20 instead of five, then you're gonna know that. like, don't be so weird about it.
[00:18:50] Tiffany Sauder: Tiffany. So, I don't know. Is
[00:18:51] Tiffany Sauder: how do you set goals? Like, is it easier for you to be explicit?
[00:18:54] Samantha Johnson: I
[00:18:54] Samantha Johnson: think I overshoot it.
[00:18:56] Samantha Johnson: Like I'll be like, I'm gonna lose 10 pounds in a
[00:18:58] Samantha Johnson: month,
[00:18:59] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. and it's not... Yeah
[00:19:00] Samantha Johnson: know, like do something that's just like impossible.
[00:19:03] Samantha Johnson: 'cause I
[00:19:03] Samantha Johnson: think that, oh, if I just like try hard
[00:19:07] Tiffany Sauder: but you
[00:19:07] Tiffany Sauder: don't like quantify the time, defi- just Like schedule when that would happen. Totally. even like walking 10,000 steps in a day actually takes like an hour and a half,
[00:19:19] Tiffany Sauder: like a lot of time. So it's like, I'm like, if you're gonna do that, you have to figure out where you're gonna do that. Yeah. 'Cause it, you can't just be like, it's 9:30, I have to go to the mailbox and.
[00:19:29] Tiffany Sauder: back,
[00:19:30] Samantha Johnson: good?
[00:19:31] Tiffany Sauder: 45 times. I say I'm gonna do that. I never actually have, I'm not like one of those people that's like, I have to close my rings.
[00:19:38] Tiffany Sauder: I wish I was, I just
[00:19:39] Tiffany Sauder: don't have that. I don't wear a
[00:19:41] Tiffany Sauder: watch. Yeah. And it just doesn't, just bugs me. It like, feels like it has power. over me.
[00:19:46] Tiffany Sauder: And I'm like, I don't wanna close my rings. Yeah. That's where I'm at. I don't want to Yeah. I'm never going to, you need to know I got some extra lbs. Uh, I don't like an Apple Watch, it's true. I don't like it. Okay. um, and then the last thing I'll say I did is I built my cookbook. So at the very end of the episode, Brian and I talked about developing a cookbook, and this is essentially documenting those minimums and then it's just in a spreadsheet.
[00:20:19] Tiffany Sauder: It's not fancy at all. but I've defined what those minimums are, and mine are like posting on LinkedIn four times a week. because that's a place that like creates, it gets f- my ideas out of my head. I can test concepts out in the wild and see what people are reacting to. and it keeps me and what this project like, top of mind to my target market
[00:20:38] Tiffany Sauder: four workouts a week is my minimum, which is the highest it's ever been in my, like life in the last five years. And that is hard. I have to schedule it. it's very hard for me to get done every single week. I have to work really hard at that. three outreaches each day of kind of like a, a new business or sales motion around Life Of And, because this year is all about just like, how do we grow the story, how do we grow the message, how do we grow the relationships. And so it's like some days that happens supernaturally and some days it's like, okay, we have to work at this and keep things moving. So so examples of what are on. my cookbook it's like, this is what's.
[00:21:13] Tiffany Sauder: Getting my first energy.
[00:21:14] Tiffany Sauder: And then once those things are done, I can move into other things that we have to do. So that's the cookbook world. It's a spreadsheet, it keeps it in front of me. And then you can literally like create a percentage completion. Like was it? a
[00:21:26] Tiffany Sauder: ninety-three percent week?
[00:21:30] Samantha Johnson: Is that what
[00:21:31] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Yeah. Make a spreadsheet We kind of like hit it quickly. 'cause I was like, I think I need to make a cookbook. And He was like, yeah, totally. So where it comes from, like the kind of genesis of it is when you're in new business, like doing sales and you're trying to hit like a million dollar revenue goal, it's like, well the money is like kind of the result of a bunch of behavior.
[00:21:58] Tiffany Sauder: So your cookbook behavior is things like, I'm gonna make 25 calls a day, I'm gonna have six appointments with new people. I'm gonna ask for two referrals a week. I'm gonna go to one networking event. So it's like, what are the behaviors that I'm gonna do every single week, whether I feel like it or not, that I believe are gonna a- drive this pipeline, that's gonna drive this performance and, you know, and that's gonna drive this $1 million of sales.
[00:22:26] Tiffany Sauder: Does that make sense? 'Cause like the sales, as a salesperson, you you kind of can't really work on the number. You have to work on the behaviors that get you to the number, Does that make sense? So that's where the cookbook concept comes from. And so when I was
[00:22:41] Tiffany Sauder: early
[00:22:41] Tiffany Sauder: years at Element Three, you know, I had the president title, but I was really a salesperson.
[00:22:46] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause we are not a business without revenue. And so I would literally work with him to say like, "What's my cookbook for this next six months? How many calls am I making? How many networking things. 'cause that was what gave me the comfort that I was doing what it took to keep the doors open.
[00:23:00] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah.
[00:23:01] Tiffany Sauder: do these things.
[00:23:02] Tiffany Sauder: These things will happen, and every time those things happen, it feels like you're getting lucky. But funny that every time you do these things, these are the things that happen. Does that make sense? Like, oh, this person called me out of the blue. It's like, sort of, but you met with them 10 weeks ago and you were top of mind, or Does that... So like that's the genesis of where this toolbox come from is like from the sales world. Well, in the same way in our complex lives of moving all these different priorities forward. So in that world. it Was sell a mil- a a million dollars of revenue. It can be completing a complex house, getting yourself back in shape, facilitating goals for your kids, working on your marriage.
[00:23:39] Tiffany Sauder: or like all these priorities that you're working towards, what are the behaviors that when you do them every single day, consistently leads to those outcomes? Because what we can't see or we aren't as willing to be honest with ourselves about, I don't think is the behaviors that we're doing that are leading us like away from those priorities. So. You know, when JR and I were in a season where our marriage was in the crapper, we were very specifically doing things every single day you know, that were leading to the erosion of our relationship. You just don't put those things on the scoreboard quite as intentionally, you know what I But Yeah.
[00:24:15] Samantha Johnson: Yeah. And so if we don't keep the productive, healthy behavior in front of us, we can so easily slip into the things that erode Our relationships, our intentions, our priorities, our progress. And there's all kinds of books, um, like Atomic Habits and those that talk about, like, it's not really about where you are, it's the direction and velocity of where you're headed that really matters in life.
[00:24:40] Tiffany Sauder: And so, this concept of The cookbook, and I literally just pull it up every single morning on my second screen, and I like have open all day long. So that when I do something I can go update it and it's like this little dopamine hit like doop doop, I did it. And it's so menial, like I'm working a cash register, but it feels so good and productive and keeps me super focused.
[00:25:02] Tiffany Sauder: So again, I think this goes back to the thing I was talking about earlier was I was just feeling so scattered and a lack of confidence in my decisions and behaviors. And this is like, okay, if I do this stuff for six weeks and it's not leading to the outcomes that I want. Then all I have to do is go and evaluate my behaviors.
[00:25:21] Tiffany Sauder: I don't have to go spin out. I just go back to like, okay, well what do I need to adjust? And how do I get more focused on that? So,my recommendation, I created my cookbook with like eight things. And I deleted five of them.
[00:25:37] Tiffany Sauder: Because I can't manage that much change in my behavior.
[00:25:40] Tiffany Sauder: that quickly.
[00:25:41] Tiffany Sauder: or I like I didn't delete them, I moved them down like 15. Rows. and I was like, I don't, I cannot digest this much change right now. These are the most important ones." and so they are my new business motions posting on LinkedIn and my workouts. Those are the three things that are on my cookbook if I do those every single day for, I'm gonna probably give myself three weeks to just focus on those things. I wanna be more active on like, Instagram stories. It's like, it's just, I can't I can't add that to my brain right now. The other stuff I have to get to be like automatic motion where I'm like, not, there's no friction in doing it.
[00:26:17] Tiffany Sauder: And then I can add some. Mm-hmm. Yeah, totally. So, that's kind of my update I guess on what I've done since my conversation with BK.
[00:26:29] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. you do need a cookbook. I'm right across the desk from you and don't know the cookbook. What do you think would be on your cookbook? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:26:49] Tiffany Sauder: Mm-hmm.
[00:26:51] Tiffany Sauder: Start with what outcomes. Yeah.
[00:26:53] Tiffany Sauder: We don't need to go through that. Okay, I wrote down this and then maybe we'll be done with this conversation. as I was spinning out, I was blaming a lot of things on like it's summer, the kids have been home.
[00:27:07] Tiffany Sauder: There's been just a massive demand for our time from family, which is incredible. And also just like distracting sometimes. Like which is like not being home. and so the, s- The The question that I think is so powerful to ask ourselves is like, what is the role I'm playing in where things are, what is the role I am playing in where things are?
[00:27:30] Tiffany Sauder: because if everything is everybody else's fault or it's the environment's fault, then you actually have no agency to change anything. But when you are able to say, this is the role I'm playing. in where Things are, this is the responsibility that I can claim. Actually, the more of it you can claim responsibility for, the more control you have in making it different. And so I
[00:27:55] Tiffany Sauder: practice that in being like, if 100% of it's my fault, that's such good news because that means I have 100% of it in my control to change. And so as you're in these seasons of like change and the winds are blowing in a different direction. or you're in a season where things are just not what you want them to be and they're not where you want them to be.
[00:28:16] Tiffany Sauder: Ask yourself the question, what is the role I'm playing in where things are as you're going into this new season of school, how do you want it to feel in your home? And If it's like, it feels like it's moving too fast, it feels like it's too scattered, we feel disconnected? Well, what are the things that you're doing or not doing to create that environment and how can you create change around that?
[00:28:35] Tiffany Sauder: So I think that's maybe just the question I'll leave the audience with.
[00:28:40] Tiffany Sauder: and one that I've been challenging myself with is what's the role I'm playing in where things are because I have an enormous impact on our family, on our home, on how organized or not we are on what we eat on my schedule, on what the people around me feel and
[00:29:00] Tiffany Sauder: experience.
[00:29:01] Tiffany Sauder: And when it sucks, it usually means I'm sucking a little or a lot And That when you're tired can be kind of a grumpy thing to accept. But when I get myself on top of it, I'm like, okay, these are the things that I'm doing that are making outcomes I don't like, and that means I need to change. And so I need to get clear on that.
[00:29:25] Tiffany Sauder: And this process I just talked about at the beginning is really about how I get clear, what's my fault? How do I change it? and how do I use my minimums and my cookbook, to get me locked in, so that I can get. Different, better outcomes for myself and the people around me. So that's
[00:29:41] Tiffany Sauder: it. Oh yeah. Yeah, so big summer priorities play pickleball 10 times, and I'm at six, which is way more than last year, so I'm actually pretty pumped.
[00:30:01] Tiffany Sauder: Yeah, I'll definitely get to 10 by the time the pickleball like is closed down.
[00:30:06] Tiffany Sauder: I think I, I meant 10 during like, June, July, August. And I, I think I'll get close to it. but I played way more than last year. and it's funny, I've been to the pool maybe one time, And so it's like, which is okay. but my priority this summer was pickleball. Like, I wanted to do that.
[00:30:24] Tiffany Sauder: I wanted to get a little bit better. My serve's a little better, a little a little harder to hit back. It's not like amazing, but you know, you do get better. when You do. Something.
[00:30:31] Tiffany Sauder: So, I'm proud of that effort, and it's
[00:30:35] Tiffany Sauder: been fun JR. And I go play sometimes after dinner. We've played before, work once and just like being creative with how to find the time to do it.
[00:30:42] Tiffany Sauder: 'cause he knows it's one of my priorities. So he was like, on the way back, he's like, where, what number are you at? I was like, six. He's like, oh yeah, you'll be fine by the time they close." But it's so cute. He's been like thoughtful about engaging me in that.
[00:30:52] Samantha Johnson: that. is.
[00:30:53] Tiffany Sauder: Ivy riding her bike.
[00:30:54] Tiffany Sauder: Well, mine is my kids getting 90% of their priorities completed is one of mine We did very well. My big ones were Ivy, learning how to ride a bike and Quincy learning how to swim. and those things both happened. Quince doesn't need any floaties or assistance, which just makes me feel comfortable and makes her feel like a big girl.
[00:31:11] Tiffany Sauder: and Ivy, uh, again, it was like on the fridge one day after work, JR was like, we gotta get this bike thing done. And he went out and like sweated himself while... You know, It's like so hard. Yeah. Got it done.
[00:31:22] Tiffany Sauder: and s- she was So proud of herself, you know, I have to cry and get a little mad once, but so very proud of that.
[00:31:27] Tiffany Sauder: keeping work priorities moving forward. I think last time I gave myself a B. I think I, more give myself like a, a d on that. I think I've, come out of the summer, like a, I don't know, something with their pants on fire. Like I'm very focused right now. Yeah. and I'm very locked in. I have told myself that I don't think that summer is a buying season for what we're, s- for what we're doing.
[00:31:54] Tiffany Sauder: Talking to, HR professionals about how to help women in the workplace. I'm like, summer's not a buying season for that. That is something I have told myself. I have no evidence. That that is actually true. But I behaved it like it was true, and I think that's pretty pathetic.
[00:32:10] Samantha Johnson: to say about that
[00:32:10] Tiffany Sauder: He would literally punch me in the face. so I've told myself that and I've made it true, but there's no evidence that. it is Actually true. and so I've created that reality for us, which is annoying 'cause now fall is not like as booked as we'd like it to be. And so now I'm kind of scrambling. It's like super suck. So I still have crappy thoughts sometimes and I think that's one of them It was a belief that I brought in. to the summer, that may or may not be true, We will see. 'cause next summer will, maybe choose to show up a little bit differently. totally disconnect for my 20th. I think we crushed it. That that was really good.
[00:32:44] Tiffany Sauder: Amazing time away, uh, in Europe for our 20th anniversary, and I think that's all of them.
[00:32:49] Tiffany Sauder: I think it was like, I think what I crushed was where I was focused. And that is like maybe the
[00:32:59] Tiffany Sauder: takeaway of this whole episode, Like you will crush where you focus and if you're unfocused, you have no chance of crushing.
[00:33:09] Tiffany Sauder: So yeah.
[00:33:10] Tiffany Sauder: so
[00:33:11] Tiffany Sauder: now it's a season of new priorities. If you're not already there, school is starting, it's a new season. We've got like, what, maybe 10 good weeks before we get into holiday season, which is another change inflection point. I'm telling you, as moms, we've been working kind of on a purpose statement. I'm gonna try this on for size. is to be the leader in helping professional women who are balancing careers and caregiving. I really like that phrase of careers and caregiving, or I think another version that said ambition and caregiving, where these worlds of us wanting to be significant and have impact in the world and financially for us in our career and ambition, and also being available for our families and this caretaking, whether it's for your kids or for your parents that you're taking care of, caretaking is oftentimes a part of a woman's vocabulary of the way that We're taking care of the world around us. And so when you're in the intersection, you are gonna experience change, either because things in your life changed, your job changed, or it changed for the people around you. Your kids get to new stages, go to school, holidays.
[00:34:15] Tiffany Sauder: And so it does feel like there's like two weeks of planning for the next season, two weeks of norming into that season, six to eight weeks of behaving at like we're on a schedule. Okay, the next season is coming. I got two weeks of planning the next one, two weeks of norming. And I'm constantly in that rhythm of looking ahead, like you're saying right hey, Finn's gonna go to school, schedule's gonna change, it's, the hours are gonna be different. And so thinking about how do you need to respond and where you put your things so that when he's out of school, you're available, you've got your work done, you're getting up earlier, this is when you're working out.
[00:34:49] Tiffany Sauder: Like, all that stuff has
[00:34:50] Tiffany Sauder: to be reorganized, or you're just reacting to everything that's happening around you. And so, yeah, I guess it's just encouragement. Let's take responsibility for the outcomes we have. Let's step into it with a lot of confidence and get really clear about what are the behaviors that are gonna get the outcomes we want in our lives and, you know, find a good friend and a coach and mentor that can help you along the journey as well.
[00:35:18] Tiffany Sauder: Okay. That's a wrap. You guys, as always, thanks for listening. Thanks for letting me just like ramble a bit. you know, Brian really encouraged me just in this season of getting a lot done in our lives to just share as openly and transparently as possible to like, "Hey, this is the real-life version of what it looks like."
[00:35:35] Tiffany Sauder: I do not have all the answers, but I do have an incredible toolbox that I lean on, an incredible group of people that help me, move life forward in really big and significant ways. So, I hope this has been helpful. Thanks for listening in. And as always, if this episode has sparked something inside of you and you think someone could benefit from it, I'd love it if you shared it.
[00:35:55] Tiffany Sauder: It is the fastest way that we grow the show my goal is to impact as many people as possible. So thanks for your support.