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Welcome to your weekly dose of The Psychedelic Psychologist. We reconnect with Bridget and Finn and their psychedelic story about connecting in the relationship and ultimately respecting each others autonomy. They talk over the experience and find a ton of commonality; and confidently share their personal truths and individual experiences.
If you are looking for support integrating your experience please reach out.
The Psychedelics Integration Handbook
Healingsoulsllc.com
The Psychedelic Psychologist is a conversational-style podcast hosted by Dr. Ryan Westrum with clients and guests who use talk therapy to integrate Psychedelic experiences for healing and personal transformation. Tune in to hear people’s experiences, breakthroughs and stories of healing addiction, depression, and trauma through Psychedelics. Dr. Ryan Westrum gracefully and empathetically narrates real therapy sessions with people in their most vulnerable and transformational moments.
I invite you to find the place.
Of safety.
The place of calm.
Place Centered this for you.
And in doing so.
It's encouraged.
To express yourself in your.
Personal authenticity.
This expression.
Of your uniqueness.
Allowing your genius to take
hold with one breath in.
And one releasing breath out.
And through this breath exercise.
The breathing will evoke
your individual creativity.
Allowing yourself to
consider what makes you.
Genius.
Breathing in.
And breathing out.
We all carry a unique quality.
That explores.
Your passion.
Thirst for life.
And creative process.
Allowing yourself to take it in.
And letting it
With each breath.
I encourage you.
To find your center.
Your authentic path.
Be it walks on the beach.
Trails in the wilderness.
Or the altitude of a mountain.
You know exactly where
you find your center.
Breathing in.
And breathing out.
And then doing so.
Continue to paint the picture
of what makes you genius.
Breathing in.
And releasing
And as you come back into your body,
Allowing this creative process.
To take hold and walk
with you throughout the
Hi, it's Ryan.
Welcome to your weekly dose of
the psychedelic psychologist.
Where I invite my guests to
share stories about their.
Our second Delek experiences.
We cover a variety of topics
from overcoming addiction.
And severe depression.
To finding wholeness
and spiritual emergence.
Today, we're Going to revisit part two.
With Finn and Bridget.
You're going to hear from them.
And get a deeper.
Understanding and appreciation.
For what could be a Joint journey.
All the while.
Respecting and cultivating their
unique experiences under the same.
Journey.
You'll hear them talk about wonderful
ideas of connection and love.
And appreciation for each other.
And yet one of the most
important things that I heard.
A sense of respecting their autonomy
I, really believe that what
I, what I experienced was
we don't need anything else.
Now, that doesn't mean that we may not
want to have other experiences in the
future,, together, whether it be with
substances or other adventures that we
wanna have., who knows what that may be.
But what I was loved was that we
didn't need anything else, and I.
In, in my, my experience as
a human being, I've always
wondered what's the next thing?
What are we doing next?
What are, you know,
what, what are our goals?
What are we going to accomplish?
What are we, what are we gonna see?
What are we gonna do?
, there's not enough time for everything.
And I think what I experience is
the fact that we don't really, we
have everything that we need now.
It, it's great to have additional
experiences and we wanna have
those, but I don't need another.
Experience in the future.
And what's amazing is we can tap into
the experience that we already had and
go back to it whenever we, we want to.
When I need clarity, I can go back to
that experience and feel that too.
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
Yes.
And yes and yes to that., one of,
one of the things that I have learned
is that there is nothing more.
Delicious.
More satisfying, more, , sensual, More
enticing, more expansive than being
connected to Finn when we are connected.
I just gotta say, it's just
nothing like I've ever experienced,
before, and that deep, deep
level of connection is something.
I think is something we have to be
conscious about because we live in chaos.
We live with electronics, we have,
you know, super computers in our
pockets and purses and you know, we're
distracted a million different ways.
And so you have to be really, really,
really purposeful about it and mindful
about it, and you have to want it.
But I have to say, once I have tasted
of this nectar within this man's eyes,
I just want more of it and that that
is the experience of all experiences
and I have that now and I don't need
anything to bring me to that except to
be present with my beloved, my partner.
Yeah.
And the prudent, psychedelic
psychologist that I.
Always loves the space between,
because it really amplifies and
highlights what's already within
you as like the inner healer.
And I hear that both from Finn and
you, Bridget, this we're polishing
off, We're doing experiences, we're
connecting, and we're acknowledging that
the medicine was a spontaneous catalyst
for things that are now reassured.
Yes, absolutely.
And so going into it deeper and unpacking
that for just a moment, what are the
things that, as you look into the nectar
of each other's eyes, as you eloquently
said, Bridget, that you want to poignantly
mark to your partner today with or
without any psychedelic or mind altering?
Bridget, you want me to go first?
I can go too.
I don't wanna feel like I was always
going first , but, what was profound
to me was the fact that, you can
have a, you can, you can have a.
A cerebral understanding of love.
You can have a cerebral understanding
of the person that you're with, but,
and you can even, you have the emotion
of that connection and that you love,
you're beloved at the same time.
I think with the experience, what it's
done for me is taking that lunch deeper.
It's a, it's a sense of feeling that,
I still don't know if I can describe
it., and it certainly, sometimes
it's not even describable, right?
No, you are not necessary.
Yeah, exactly.
But I, you know, when, whenever we see
each other now we're we hug closer, we.
Kiss deeper.
We hold hands even more.
And we used to do all of those
things before and a lot, but it,
it goes, it, it goes beyond just
wanting the reassurance of a touch.
It's just, it's a feeling of I want to be
with this person all the time and I choose
to be with this person that I love deeply
and I love more than my own existence.
I think that's what
it's, it did for me was.
Take my love to another level that I
don't think I, I understood was possible.
So beautiful.
Definitely beautiful.
Wow.
Thank you so much for
those words, for He now.
I do, I guess I knew we had,
we were missing that connection
and why I was seeking, why.
I was looking for, how can we,
you know, nip this in the bud.
And when I say nip this in the butt,
I'm talking about, I lacked connection
maybe for three weeks because I
don't like to let things go too far.
So we're not talking about a
lot connection, like forever
vigilant and disciplined.
I love it.
And I missed, I missed him so much because
for me, When I look into Finn's eyes,
I see his soul and it's his soul, his
light, his spirit, the essence of him
inside that just absolutely captivates me.
, and I have that back.
And so when I look into his eyes, it.
It's this feeling of ecstatic
completion too in a way.
And I'm not saying in some sick, sad
way, like, Oh, you know, you complete me.
I'm nothing without you not like that.
instead it's just cosmic icing
on the cake is all I can say.
And.
When you're someone like I'm
someone who, I don't like to
style from mediocre on anything.
Finn will tell you this, If I
do anything, it's all the way
where I don't do it at all.
And it's the same with relationship.
And it's not to say that
we don't have disconnected.
Moments in our day.
Of course, you know, you're busy,
you're in an office or you're
dealing with kids, you know?
Yeah, you can't, you're
not there all the time.
But I think, Ryan, you mentioned
these spaces in between.
We know how to get there.
We know how to grab that connection,
and we know we are aware when we are
disconnected, and that's really important.
I think the awareness is key.
and then having the tool to reconnect
is imperative to achieving this level
of relationship that we are at now, post
this, you know, wonderful opportunity
that we had and so I, you know, it's.
It's hard because I, I feel like we're
talking like, Oh my God, our relationship.
This is so amazing.
But, but it is., and we work at it.
This is, I mean, we work at it cuz
we're both fully invested in not
wanting to have an average relationship.
We had those before and they just
were lack Lester and lifeless
and boring because we couldn't
get the other person to want to.
Connect at that level and both of
us started this relationship wanting
at, So that's been easy for me to
suggest things to Finn because we came
together with that desire to have an
extraordinary experience as a couple,
because life is short and we have
these bodies that were in for so long.
So let's play together as two
souls, you know, navigating this
world of experience together.
And, and I, I would say too, I think,
you know, the one things that I, I
noticed it, it's a conscious decision, to
disconnect from the crazy world around us.
Even if it, literally I can,
I can walk out of having five
hours of six hours of meetings.
Now I can leave the office.
Come, come to the house, you know, and
literally it's a, it's a light switch in
between and, and I can be present before
I consciously wanted to have a connection
and I consciously wanted to have a
great relationship and I did my best,
but often other things got in the way.
and the unconscious would always
come up the unconscious disconnection
because I was thinking about far too
many things at, at one time., trying
to do everything all at the same time.
So I was unconscious even though
I was thinking I was conscious.
And now I can consciously let that
part of me go and, and be connected
immediately when we're together.
And also too, I've found at work I
can be far more conscious and aware
of what's going on in meetings and
working with others versus, the
unconscious reactions I would have.
I mean, think of it kind
of like an animal, right?
You, you are, you're so
unconscious that you simply react
to things and now instead of.
Reacting immediately, I think about a
little bit more my reaction and no, I
don't have to answer right this second.
I can take some time to think about it
and, and, and go on with my day before
I answer., I'm in control and I think
a lot of times we all get into a period
in our life where things are out of
control and we're trying to control.
And all it does is just spin the wheel
faster and faster out of control.
And so now is that ability to be con, to
control my consciousness and be connected
in all aspects of my life that is, An
undercurrent of what I also hear from
both of you, a deep sense of humility
walking into this relationship, that you
are both humble to hear, suggestions,
to receive advice or directions or any
kind of conversation, and that humility
is just oozing out this conversation.
Well, absolutely.
We both, as vert would share, we've
probably made every mistake that's
possible in relationships in the past,
we've probably made every mistake
almost possible in our own relationship
too., and we've, we've, we've, we've
had our ups and downs in the past.
We've screwed things up.
You know, I, I don't want people.
To hear this conversation and think, Oh,
everything is perfect for these people.
Everything must be great., and it was
not, you know, we, we have run the
gamut of, of everything,, together.
But I do think one of the special
things about our relationship
that we, we did always have in
our relationship was the fact.
We really wanted the best for each other.,
we, we did have that humbleness and that
humility that it wasn't just about us.
And even when we forgot, and sometimes
it was about us, we, we at least were
diluting ourselves to thinking it
was about the other person., we're,
we did have that, that, that thing.
And I think that this has only
made it much, much better.
Tell me, I think.
Go ahead, please.
Oh, sorry, go ahead.
No, I was just gonna say anyone
who has kids knows that there's
no such thing as perfect.
But anyway, go ahead, Ryan . No, I
think that's super necessary to say
this idea of perfect and allowing
yourself to know that there's always
another opportunity and that's.
Necessary to recall that with children,
with previous relationships or anything.
What I'm hearing from you too is,
yeah, we did some mistakes, we've
made some blunders, and yet we
still continue to come back to each
other to look at the relationship.
Absolutely.
Absolutely., yeah, I, I, the one thing
is we've been through so many things.
I think even before this experience,
we,, We kind of felt like, you know,
we, if we've, if we've overcome that,,
we can,, we can overcome anything
together., and that's one of the
things that's always held us together.
But like I said , you know, the great
thing about this experience has been
that it is only deepen that, another,
but also taking it to, to another level.
It's, it's definitely the expression
of unconditional love and acceptance.
And those are not just words to me.
In fact, be careful if you speak
them because I kind of feel like
you, the university is gonna give
you some trials and tribulations to
see if you really, really mean it.
But unconditional love
and acceptance, it works.
It's hard, but it's works with children
and that's really difficult, especially
if they get older., the twos are not bad.
Just wait till the teenage years and
unconditional love and acceptance in.
A relationship that I have with Finn
means that what it means is he cannot
screw up to the point where I abandon him.
He has to know, and he does
know that no matter what.
I am here.
I accept him.
I love him.
I will support him.
Not to say that if someone's in an
unhealthy relationship, that's like
I've been in before, it doesn't play
out the same way because safety is
important and violence is not okay,
but this is a nonviolent relationship.
This is a very nonviolent
relationship, but neither one of us
expect perfection from the other.
. What we expect is that we're both
working toward the best for the other.
So we're both invested in being
our best selves to uplift, support
and love the other in all that they
are, and in all that they are not
loving them through the imperfection.
Because the compassion that comes out,
that humility that comes out is realizing
the imperfection in our own self.
And once we see how imperfect
we are, perfectly imperfect, we
can have compassion on all the
imperfections of our partner and stay
in that loving and accepted place.
And to me, that unconditional
love and acceptance is the path
toward healing in any relationship.
Whether it's a partnership like this or
parent child relationship healing occurs
when we're able to see ourselves and the
other even in their most difficult times,
and that's just always been a spiritual
practice for me, is anytime I'm triggered
or feel annoyed or angry, is I try to
say, Where can I find this in myself?
Because if I look close enough, I can, And
when I do, I work on trying to fix that.
And it gives me an awful lot of
compassion and love for the other.
And the anger or the annoyance
or the agitation just lifts.
And I'll, I'll say too, that with
unconditional love comes responsibility.,
we, it, Bridget gives me, Unconditional
love, but I also have a responsibility
to accept that and respect her and
to not take, that unconditional
love as if it's a blank check.
So that that's a healthy relationship
where there's responsibility from
each partner back and forth with
that, that., unconditional love.
You know, I, I, again, I wanna add
too, I mean, you can give your partner
unconditional love, but if they're
not responsible with that and it's an
unhealthy relationship, then no matter
what unconditional love you, you, you give
to them, that that's ne not necessarily
going to create a healthier relationship,
but when you both have the responsibility
and the respect for one another to.
to hold that and cherish that that
love that, that accepting love.
No matter what you do, that the,
your partner is there for you
and is gonna love you, then all
you can do is wish to be better.
I, I want to be better because of the,
the unconditional love that, that Bridget.
Shares with me.
I don't wanna disappoint her or let her
down, even though I know I could go do
something that would really disappoint
her, but it wouldn't end our relationship.
I'm not absolutely not going to do that
because I can't imagine the pain that
I wouldn't flt on her by doing that.
This is , poignant opportunity for me.
To now turn it as I often do,
you guys speak, so gentle and
compassionate to you as a partnership.
I'm gonna ask you, what are you
doing to walk gently for yourself?
Not as a selfish way, but just
after this experience you had
after this wonderful joint journey.
What are you doing now to be compassionate
and kind, gentle to yourself?
For me , it was clear I was trying
to,, try to do everything because I
thought that was going to help everyone.
If I did everything and solved
everyone's problems and, worked a lot
and did all the, the right things that
society would tell you is all the right
things to do to help other people.
Then that would make everything better.
And in fact, it was not.
It was, it was also a destroying
our, our relationship.
what I've done is given myself
the permission to not feel like
I do have to do everything.
It's given myself the permission
to let go of things, to not
worry as much about the outcome.
That doesn't mean I don't want
the best outcome possible,
but also to understand that.
Don't con, I really don't
control everything, and we often
dilute ourselves into thinking
that we can control everything.
And I've given m permission to
not feel like,, I need to do that,
Bridget.
Yeah.
You know, for me, it, what I'm doing to
take care of myself now is going back to
the things that I abandoned so long ago.
Are really deep parts of myself.
So infusing, some spiritual practice
into it., meditation, just noticing
the emotions that I have that come
up and noticing them as emotions,
you know, the ebb and flow.
Wait two minutes and another
one will show up, . So, I let
that go a long time ago In all.
Busyness and also feeling that,
because we are so different too.
So Finn and I are very close and
connected, and our relationship is
incredible, but we're very different
in how we express our spirituality.
And how we take care of ourselves.
And for me, it's, it's going back to
these things that I let go because they
were things that we didn't do together.
And so I've let them go and I didn't
realize that when I let them go, I
let a part of myself go a part of
myself that I believe Finn needs and
I need to be the best self I can be.
And so I've done things that
some people may find silly, but
they're deeply nourishing to me.
I've actually completely redid our
bedroom to be like, basically the
entire bedroom is this holy sanctuary
and alter, because to me, my bedroom is
very important, for our relationship.
Because, you know, sex
is very important to me.
It's a part of expression in our
relationship, a very important part.
And so I, I did that and
that makes me feel so good.
In fact, fin commented on how great the
bedroom feels., with all the things that
I did to change it up, it feels different.
Do you think it feels different then,
or does it just feel different to.
Oh no, it, it definitely feels different.
And I, I think, I think you bring up a
great point because I think there is a
big, a big difference in how we do things.
You're the really deep one.
You're the really fun one.
I'm the more generally cerebral,
serious person, and I think one of
the things too that I've given myself
permission to is be maybe a little
bit more fun, maybe a little less.
Serious.
Bring it, baby.
Bring it.
Come on.
I'm right.
And, and then in kind of closing, I don't
know how much more fun someone can have
after listening to this conversation.
You guys pretty, you paint a wonderful
expression of excitement and doing
medicine work together, loving
you, loving each other, each other.
Sounds pretty remarkable.
Well, I think it can share too that,
you, no matter where you, no matter where
you come from or who you are, what your
background is, what your experiences
is, what your expectations are, there's
something that I think everyone can.
Can learn from the experience,
can can have any experience.
And just because you may think you
are, oh, I'm not into psychedelics
or anything like that, or I'm not
spiritual or woo woo, any anyone
is not that, that is, that's me.
But you can have really,
truly amazing experience.
And even though our experiences
are different, they're also shared.
That's I think, one of the most amazing.