Traffic School - 790 Pounds Of Meth And 1 Hairy Belly Button - 08/14/2026

This episode of Traffic School begins with the horrifying realization that Maddie has apparently decided that owning a perfectly functional 2025 vehicle is boring and that the only reasonable thing to do with it is remove the windows and throw it into a figure-eight race at the Madison County Fairgrounds. What begins as a cheerful discussion about the upcoming races quickly devolves into automotive sacrilege, mud-based trauma, and the reopening of Viktor's extremely brief racing career, a career that ended approximately 32 minutes after it began because he drove directly into the mud and transformed his race car into a stationary piece of public infrastructure. Instead of actually completing the race, the other drivers reportedly used Viktor's immobilized vehicle as a giant automotive launch pad, repeatedly slamming into him so they could get around. Somehow, this was presented as a learning experience. Viktor's coach had apparently told him to "stay out of the mud," which Viktor interpreted as a personal challenge from God and immediately ignored. The second time around, he adopted a radically different strategy: drive like a man slowly heading to church on Sunday morning and simply hope everyone else crashes first. Astonishingly, it worked well enough to prevent him from finishing last.

The figure-eight discussion becomes increasingly deranged as Maddie prepares to take her lifted Subaru into battle, complete with all-wheel drive that everyone immediately acknowledges may not remain all-wheel drive for very long. The crew discusses race numbers, including the forbidden possibility of using 69, because apparently even the numerical designation of a race car is capable of triggering a full-scale Rexburg theological crisis. The whole thing culminates in the immortal philosophy of figure-eight racing: destroy them all. Maddie is encouraged to embrace fire, flames, glory and vehicular annihilation, while Viktor prepares mentally for another weekend of hiding in his bed and avoiding humanity. The contrast between actual traffic-school principles—smooth steering, smooth braking, looking ahead—and figure-eight racing, where the basic objective appears to be intentionally driving directly into other vehicles, becomes one of the episode's central jokes. Maddie basically concludes that Traffic School has taught her exactly what not to do when she gets behind the wheel at the race track.

Eventually the show remembers that it is technically supposed to be about traffic laws, and Lieutenant Crane returns from his luxurious mountain vacation to find himself surrounded by questions, inappropriate phone calls, and Viktor's rapidly deteriorating mental state. The first legitimate traffic question concerns one of the eternal mysteries of American driving: do you still have to obey a school-zone speed limit when school isn't actually happening? Lieutenant Crane explains that the answer depends entirely on the signage. A plain black-and-white 20 MPH sign remains in effect unless additional wording specifies otherwise. If the sign says the reduced speed applies only when lights are flashing, the speed limit changes when the lights stop. If it says the restriction applies only when children are present or during school hours, that language matters. In other words, the road signs are not decorative suggestions placed there to add color to the scenery; drivers actually need to read the entire collection of signs before deciding they have been granted permission to launch their vehicle at 47 MPH through an empty school zone. A caller from Pocatello follows up with an even more specific question involving a 20 MPH school-zone sign and a time range, prompting the clarification that black-and-white signage specifying hours can still establish a year-round restriction unless the sign specifically limits it to school days or similar conditions.

Then the program takes an immediate detour into the abyss when Steve-O the Mud Vene Guy calls and asks Lieutenant Crane a question involving the words "moist" and "panties." Traffic School has apparently reached the point where Idaho traffic law is now sharing airtime with a linguistic investigation into words that make people uncomfortable. "Undergarments" is proposed as the supposedly respectable alternative, but everyone agrees that calling them that somehow makes the entire subject approximately 900 percent less dignified. The call ends, but the psychic damage remains. Almost immediately afterward, Viktor begins taking his clothes off on-air for reasons that appear to be related to absolutely nothing, leading the rest of the studio to question whether the show needs a counselor. At one point, the conversation reaches the terrifying concept of Viktor's "hairy belly button," which may be the single most important piece of information anyone could possibly need before voluntarily listening to this episode.

After surviving the wardrobe malfunction, Traffic School returns to actual traffic law with a caller asking about turning right on red from two separate right-turn lanes. Lieutenant Crane explains that the distinction between a circular red signal and a red arrow matters, and that when two lanes are turning right, there need to be two corresponding lanes available on the receiving roadway. The caller gets his answer, while the studio somehow immediately returns to discussing Viktor's abdominal hair. This is the fundamental genius of the episode: one moment you're learning an actual Idaho traffic rule, and the next you're imagining a grown man stripping in a radio studio while somebody wonders whether he knows a good therapist.

The episode then takes a bizarre cinematic detour into cop movies. A listener asks Lieutenant Crane about his favorite police movie, only to discover that Lieutenant Crane apparently has watched approximately three movies in his entire life. His beloved choice is Major Payne, while Super Troopers, Reno 911!, and On Patrol: Live are recommended to him as homework. The conversation spirals into the classic fantasy version of police work portrayed by action movies, where cops shoot approximately 400 rounds, engage in seventeen car chases, go home at the end of the night, and somehow never have to complete a single piece of paperwork. Lieutenant Crane then reminds everyone that the actual job is considerably less Hollywood and that the Idaho State Police is hiring. So if you have ever watched a cop movie and thought, "I would like to spend my career doing that," this episode has the horrifying revelation that you might instead be spending your afternoon filling out paperwork.

The show then dives headfirst into Flock cameras and automatic license plate readers, revisiting the increasingly bizarre world of police surveillance technology. The hosts discuss D-Flock, a website that reportedly maps the locations of these cameras, and the conversation turns toward how law-enforcement agencies can access camera systems, how software updates are being used to restrict inappropriate access, and how systems can flag potentially improper activity for review. The discussion gets particularly absurd when the hosts imagine officers using these cameras for completely inappropriate reasons, such as tracking girlfriends or spending hours monitoring hotel swimming pools. Eventually the conversation returns to Idaho Falls, where the hosts discover multiple cameras clustered around a roundabout and begin wondering whether the roundabout is somehow the most heavily surveilled circle of asphalt in East Idaho.

One of the more serious portions of the episode comes from a caller who drives a side-dump truck and is repeatedly dealing with people tailgating so closely that they disappear from the truck's mirrors. This leads to an important explanation of truck blind spots and the "no-zone." If you cannot see a truck's mirrors, there is a good chance the truck driver cannot see you either. Lieutenant Crane emphasizes the importance of maintaining awareness of what is happening ahead rather than allowing an aggressive tailgater behind you to dictate your driving. The discussion highlights the dangers of following too closely behind commercial trucks, especially when the vehicle in front is large, heavy and physically incapable of stopping as quickly as a passenger car. It is one of those rare moments when Traffic School briefly becomes responsible adult programming before immediately remembering what show it is.

Then comes the fireworks segment, because apparently a burn ban is simply an invitation for someone to ask how badly things can go if they set off fireworks anyway. The hosts discuss whether a recent rainstorm changes the burn-ban situation and what kind of violation could result from setting off fireworks under a ban. The conversation then reveals that somebody may or may not have recently detonated a ground flower in a church parking lot near a cul-de-sac, which is presented with precisely the level of legal confidence you'd expect from people who are absolutely not admitting to anything. This is followed by a discussion about neighbors setting off fireworks at absurd hours, a rogue cricket living inside a gecko enclosure, and the horrifying discovery that this cricket apparently sounds like a car alarm that refuses to die. Somehow the cricket becomes the least annoying thing happening in the episode.

The final major traffic story is arguably the most spectacular example of vehicular stupidity. A caller describes watching a motorcyclist on I-15 weaving through traffic during heavy harvest-related traffic while traveling at more than 80 MPH. The motorcycle rider is texting while riding, holding a phone in one hand and the throttle with the other. This alone would qualify as an impressive achievement in terrible decision-making, but the situation becomes exponentially worse when the rider drops the phone, grabs both brakes, locks up the tires, and begins tank-slapping across the highway while a large farm truck follows behind. The caller asks whether video evidence could result in charges. Lieutenant Crane explains that if someone records the violation, the witness may be required to make the report and follow through with the complaint and court process rather than simply handing the video to law enforcement and walking away. The episode then makes the grim observation that drivers behaving like this are extremely popular with morticians.

Finally, just when you think the episode has exhausted its supply of insanity, the hosts briefly discuss a reported seizure involving 790 pounds of methamphetamine in Louisiana, including an apparently impressive meth pyramid, before returning to the much more important matter of Maddie's impending figure-eight race. The show closes with hopes that the race goes well, jokes about concessions and lemonade stands, Lieutenant Crane being congratulated for recovering from his injury, and the realization that this entire program has somehow survived another Friday. By the end, Traffic School has managed to cover school-zone laws, right-on-red rules, truck blind spots, motorcycle stupidity, Flock surveillance cameras, burn bans, fireworks, police movies, law-enforcement careers, figure-eight racing, mud, stripping in the studio, a rogue cricket, a hairy belly button, and nearly a thousand pounds of meth—all while theoretically teaching people how to drive better. In other words, this wasn't traffic school so much as a three-car pileup of Idaho law, questionable decisions, listener calls, and psychological damage.

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Speaker 1: All right, we got Lieutenant Crane in the house and we've got Maddie in here because tonight she's going mad.

Speaker 2: She's going crazy. Maddie. Going crazy. Gonna be out at the figure eight races at the Madison County Fairgrounds in Rexburg. And uh, have you ever been in any kind of race, Maddie? I have not. You have not. No. You even sacrificed your own vehicle. Yep.

Speaker 3: And you know what a way to go. Why not go out in a blaze of glory?

Speaker 4: We tell people all the time they show up and say, gosh, if I only had a car, we're like, we can take the windows out of that one. Maddie lives that life. Yep.

Speaker 3: That's right. Yep. And the windows were taken out of it.

Speaker 1: Well, I uh am hoping. I was telling Lieutenant Crane, I'm hoping we can somehow make it down to catch it. Uh Becca's sister, it's her birthday, so we've got a birthday dinner. Tell her I said happy birthday. I will. Happy birthday, Lucinda.

Speaker 4: I think Linda. First time we've ever taken the windows out of 2025 vehicle. Oh, really?

Speaker 1: So we've been giving away tickets all week. If you want to go, go to the Madison County Fair Ground.

Speaker 4: Maddie's gonna rip it up. She's promising a great show. Yeah.

Speaker 3: Fire, flames, glory.

Speaker 1: Well, and I'm so happy that we had rainstorms yesterday. Because I raced in a figure eight race one time. Can you call it that? Hey, I'm the second time I raced, I made it through the race. That's all that matters. The first time I had to get towed out of the mud. Oh no.

Speaker 4: 32 minutes later, he was done with 10 laps, and then most of the crowd had left.

Speaker 1: I went I went around the first turn into the mud and I was stuck. And so then all the other cars used me as leverage the whole race to make their way around by slamming into me to make the turf.

Speaker 3: At least they were somewhat useful.

Speaker 1: Yeah, I helped help everybody else. First time in his life. And then that was the end of my racing career.

Speaker 4: Ask him what his coach told him. Just prior to the race.

Speaker 3: What did your coach tell you prior to the race?

Speaker 1: I think he said uh take it easy and don't get in the mud.

Speaker 4: I said, stay out of the mud.

Speaker 1: So I went right into the mud. You know what? I think I'm actually gonna drive directly into the mud. Yeah, my tip would be just like go slow. So doesn't get excited. Do you hug? Let everybody else get sick. stuck in the mud.

Speaker 3: Do you hug the the turn or do you usually go wide?

Speaker 1: Oh, I just went like slow and just a slow deciding turn.

Speaker 3: I just punted along.

Speaker 1: I I don't know if I would call it racing. I just was counting all. I was counting on everyone else getting stuck in the mud, and multiple people did, so I didn't take last place.

Speaker 3: Well, luckily for me, that's what makes a Subaru a Subaru. It's also got a two-inch lift on it. So I'm hoping that'll work in my favor. All wheel drive? Um, not for long. Yeah, that's for long.

Speaker 4: and uh yeah, so it'll be awesome.

Speaker 1: All right, that's going down tonight. 7 p.m. at the Madison County Fairgrounds. Cheer on Maddie. Woohoo! We want to see her crush and destroy the competition. Destroy them all! What number are you gonna run? Do we get a pick? Yeah. Like any number? Yeah. Six, seven.

Speaker 3: I look you I was gonna do the 69, but whatever. Yeah, I was gonna do 69. See, I'm uh I'm uh

Speaker 1: Well, let's still talk about I was gonna say this. Your car might burst into flames in Rexburg if you put a number like that.

Speaker 3: That is true. Well, there's a couple of different numbers that probably wouldn't work well at Rexburg. either.

Speaker 1: I won't take my chances. So yeah, everybody get out and support Maddie. It's gonna be awesome. And uh good luck, Maddie.

Speaker 3: I hope you win. I'm very, very excited.

Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. Even if you get stuck in the mud and get slammed into, it's still fun.

Speaker 3: You know what? I think that's that's that's the whole fun is getting slammed into.

Speaker 1: I have an announcer that I promise you, if you mess up, he's gonna let everybody else.

Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they definitely made quite the mockery of me. It was embarrassing just sitting there while the whole crowd stares at you laugh.

Speaker 3: When you break down do you just have to sit there and wait until it's over?

Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't get out, there's no crosswalks.

Speaker 3: Good thing my radio still works.

Speaker 1: Yeah, you just sit in there and get slammed into.

Speaker 4: I used to remember him saying, and there goes the cars for the third lap and Victor Still Park.

Speaker 3: There you go, the seventh lap. Real fast, folks. Victor still part.

Speaker 1: Yeah, it was so embarrassing.

Speaker 3: Well, hopefully I don't suffer the same fate, but I have faith. I have faith.

Speaker 4: The announcer's like, we think Victor's think it thinks he's driving to church. He's Sticking the leisurely route.

Speaker 1: Well, and that's the hell I drove the second time, like I was on my way to church. Nice and slow and easy. Sunday morning drive. The way the Lord intended. Well, good luck, Matty. I hope you tear it up and uh hopefully the work day goes by fast.

Speaker 3: As a wise man once said, Destroy them all! That's right! That's right. It'll be very fun. So all right, well, have fun with traffic school, you guys.

Speaker 1: I hope we will. I'm I need listeners to call. Guys, please call. It's been a morning.

Speaker 4: Have you learned anything out of traffic school that you're gonna apply to your racing?

Speaker 3: Um, I have well, kind of, maybe what not to apply to my racing because you know. I feel like the fundamentals of the crazy figure eight race uh kind of defy every single traffic law ever.

Speaker 4: And what your daddy said. Pretty much.

Speaker 3: So it's like, okay, traffic school, I'm not gonna do this, this, this, this, this, and this. Right. Excellent.

Speaker 1: We look forward to seeing video and hearing the results. It'll be it'll be a ball.

Speaker 4: What you can implement imply on this or implement is smooth steering, right? Smooth braking, and vision. Have great vision. Just like if you're driving down the highway or interstate, have a great vision ahead of you. Know what's coming and prepare for it in advance.

Speaker 1: Yeah, and kind of like at a roundabout, uh, when you reach that intersection, look to the left. And if there's a car coming, don't let them slam into your. you.

Speaker 2: I'm gonna cut across eight lanes. Good luck, everybody else. It'll be it'll be fun. Well, heck yeah.

Speaker 1: I'm excited to hear about it, and uh good luck. Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 4: Thank you very much. He just answered our question whether he's coming or not.

Speaker 1: Can't wait to hear about it. We'll see. We'll see. My goal for this weekend is hide in my bed and have everyone leave me alone.

Speaker 4: Listeners, if you want autographs and photos, it won't be with Victor. No.

Speaker 1: I think Peaches is gonna be there though, for sure. He takes up the whole camera. I mean, I held on to a couple tickets just in case. You know, I could have thrown them in the garbage. That's right. K-Bear.

Speaker 4: Oh, this is the place.

Speaker 1: Traffic school, people powered by the advocates injury attorneys. Call us with your questions at 208-535-1015. Anything you want to ask, Lieutenant Crane. Been gone a couple weeks.

Speaker 4: Man, last week was so wonderful. I didn't even have to see you. I was sitting on top of a beautiful mountain looking down to a beautiful lake.

Speaker 1: And I'm just sitting in here tired and cranky, working for the man. That's right. But I didn't hang up on you. Did it pretty good? No, you don't. Take those when you get them. That's right. And uh, it looks like you're feeling better.

Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel great. Got a good doctor. I mean, there's a lot of things you can do when you got a good doctor.

Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess next time I fall down, bust up my wrist. I'll just call you. Yeah, where do I need to go? I'll refer you. Thankfully, I did my second X-ray, and they're like, it's fine. It's uh was it broken? It wasn't broken, but they were worried that uh had panziitis in it.

Yeah, it had a little bit of panzeitis and that uh I guess little tiny fractures can appear later that they don't see in the initial scan. But I'm I'm good. I heal good.

Speaker 4: I think that's what they tell you to let you feel good about. it.

Speaker 1: Please stop calling us. You're fine. Leave us alone.

Speaker 4: There's a chance it could hurt someday.

Speaker 1: Yeah, I wasn't talking to you listeners. Please call us 208-535-1015 for traffic school powered by the advocates. I think I only had like one question noted. This is gonna be a sharp program. Yeah. So all right, we're ready for the weekend, man. Let's see. Um, a listener called and asked if you have to obey school zones when school is out of session.

Speaker 2: Oh, that's a great question. And the answer is this. Let's answer that after this phone call. Okay. K-Bear. Go ahead and answer it, Victor.

Speaker 1: You're live on traffic school, powered by the advocates. Who's this? Oh, this is Steve O the Mud Vene guy again. Yeah. Steve O, what's up, dude?

Speaker 2: Um, well, I was just wondering, I had to tune out. I was listening to you guys talk earlier. And I was wondering if you did ever get to ask uh Officer Crane if he uh does like moist panties.

Speaker 1: Hey, now wait a minute. Now listen. Those are two separate things. Oh, well, they don't have to be, but okay.

Speaker 2: Am I having the talk with my dad?

Speaker 1: And we were um we were talking about words people don't like. Moist is a word a lot of people don't like. Yeah, a lot of people to heavy jeebies. And apparently the word panties, people don't like and who doesn't like panties, right?

Speaker 2: Let's see. What would you call them? Undergarments, undergarments.

Speaker 1: That sounds like something an old lady would wear.

Speaker 2: We had to use that until Victoria let her secrets out.

Speaker 1: Yeah, you you just took all the all the hogness out of panties by calling them undergarments. Jeez.

Speaker 4: Okay, well, yeah, I was just wondering if you guys got to ask him. I didn't get to hear that or the answer.

Speaker 1: Uh, we did not, but thank you, because I did right now.

Speaker 4: Well, at least one mark off the agenda, then, huh?

Speaker 1: And Jade's creepy crawling after that call. So thanks. He is creepy.

Speaker 4: Y'all have a good day. You too. No mud moon.

Speaker 2: So, hey, that is a great question. Do I have to follow the speed limit in a school zone when school's not in? Yeah. And the the answer is this. If there's a black and white sign that says speed limit 20 miles an hour, and that's all you see until you get through the school zone and then it jumps back up to 30 or 35, you have to do 20. Okay. If there's a black and white sign and a flashing light and it says only when light is flashing, then uh if the light's not flashing, then it jumps back up to the 35.

Okay. Now, if there's a sign that says 20, and another sign that says only when kids are present, that's when school's out. It's uh up to 35 or whatever the other mark speed is. So, but the rule to that would be if it says black and white sign 20, nothing else around it, it's 20 all the time. All right.

Speaker 1: K bear, you're live on traffic school, powered by the advocates. Who's this?

Speaker 4: Hi, this is James. James, what's up, man? So my question is if you're driving in a two-lane road, you come up to a stoplight. There's a left turn, a middle and a right turn, and a right turn. It's legal to turn right at that right turn at a red light, as long as traffic's clear. But in that middle right lane, is it legal to turn right at a red light if traffic's clear?

Speaker 2: Oh, that's a great question. The answer would be this. Two things have to happen. One, first of all, it's gotta be a round red bobe. If it's a r uh arrow bobe, no, you can't turn. The other thing that needs to happen is if there's two lanes turning right, there has to be two lanes on the uh right to go into.

So if it's a round arrow bow, or excuse me, a round red bobe, and there's two lanes, and it's clear you can go into that second lane, but you can't cut into the first lane.

Speaker 4: Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1: You may appreciate it, James. You have a good one, man. Thank you too. Don't worry, that's all the clothes I'm taking off.

Speaker 2: Like, man, I've never seen a hairy belly

Speaker 1: bite like that before in my life. Like, he's got a beaver under his shirt. Uh the listener heard me say that and hung up. K bear, you're live on traffic school, powered by the Advocates.

Speaker 4: that was a bad connection. Sorry, I had hang up on you.

Speaker 1: Oh, okay. So it wasn't a bad connection, it was a bat bad visual.

Speaker 4: I don't know. It was like ringing really weird, and then when you guys tried to answer the phone, it sounded roboty. It was bad. So it was the hair trying to escape from around Victor's belly button.

Speaker 1: Yeah, I was taking my clothes off.

Speaker 4: So Take your clothes off, Victor. Do you know any counselors?

Speaker 1: Well, it I'm having trouble.

Speaker 4: talking, I'm having trouble talking

Speaker 2: for one, but also uh regulating temperature, apparently. I was cold when I got here. Now I'm like, oh, it's really hot. in here. Hey ma'am, do you know any good counselors? I think I might need to talk to somebody.

Speaker 4: No, no, but you know, it's cool him off. Um you can go just go ahead and blow on him.

Speaker 1: Oh, all right. Stay back. Stay back. She's Louise. Looks 10 o'crane, I want to go back to the speed limit signed in the school zone. Because in Polcatello, they have the black and white for 20, 25 through the school zone, but then underneath it says from 7 a.m. to 4 30. So does that apply during school or summertime when school is not in?

Speaker 2: It would if it's black and white and it still says 7 30 to or 7 to 4 30 and black and white and a black and white sign, it's a year round. Okay. The only way that would change is if it says uh during school season or schools uh school time only or anything like that.

Speaker 1: So Okay, that's what I just wanted to double double check on, because we have some here in Pocatello that specifically say that that speed limit is from this time to that time.

Speaker 2: And man at the end of the day, I could drive that four blocks.

Speaker 1: Stand up! So yeah, I just wanted to double check that. And Victor, love you, love your show, and listen to you all day long.

Speaker 2: Could you change your statement a little bit and say, Victor, love you, love your show. Please keep your clothes on.

Speaker 1: They're coming. off. The belly button here needs to be seen.

Speaker 2: That one call happens with the inappropriate question and he starts stripping.

Speaker 1: Well, at least he's entertaining.

Speaker 2: Not if you're in the room. It's not October yet. I'll just wait. The spooks are coming out.

Speaker 1: All right, guys, you have a good day. You too. Good to hear from you. Uh um bye.

Speaker 2: All right, you're live on traffic school powered by the advocates. Who's this? Mark. Mark, what's up, man?

Speaker 4: Hey, how's the all day? Calm down, Mark. Calm down. Don't be too excited. Mark. We had to get up this morning. He's as enthusiastic about the day as me. I can't believe I had to wake up. Oh yeah.

Speaker 4: I'm tired every morning, just like Victor. Yep.

Speaker 2: That's weird, because I'm tired of Victor every Friday morning.

Speaker 4: I was wondering what what's your uh favorite cop movie?

Speaker 2: Oh man, that's tough because I don't watch movies. Yeah, he doesn't watch anything. But I will tell you this. you this. I I do have a favorite movie. Uh and my wife's tired of watching it. Isn't it major pain? Major pain.

Speaker 4: It's on top of a Netflix or something. I'm like, that's Lieutenant Crane's favorite movie, I think. Yeah. It's the only one I've really ever watched, but I love it. You got yourself a sense of humor.

Speaker 4: So if you narrowed it, narrowed it down you in the 80s. What movie did you like?

Speaker 2: Ooh, that's the thing. I never really have ever watched a movie. Have you watched Supertroopers? No. It's a cop comedy. Come on. I live a joke of life. I know you've watched Reno 911.

I haven't. But I worked with a really good friend of mine that we called Lieutenant Dangle. Yeah.

Yeah. Because he wore the short shorts. He wore really tight shorts, what we call him that. He had a poster blew up with his face on the tight shorts. Nice. Yeah, you should you should watch that show.

Speaker 4: 20 minute episode. Give yourself a little bit of a laugh.

Speaker 2: Get into it slow and easy. Yeah. Okay. All right. And then go for super troopers after that. I'll try to think of any other cop movies, but that's all I got. I do wish I I had done law enforcement like Lethal Weapon where you just go out and shoot a bunch of people and get in pursuits and stuff, and then you just go home that night.

Yeah. The movies make it look so easy. Nobody comes, asks any questions. No paperwork, no paperwork. Never go to the office. Nobody ever questions whether you're a real cop or not. No.

Speaker 1: We'll come Friday and Saturday night. You guys should watch uh OPL. OPL. Live on Patrol Live.

Speaker 2: Oh, okay. I've heard about that show. I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1: It's it's a little bit uh tedious, but yeah, it's real cops doing real work.

Speaker 2: And I will I will tell you this. If you're sitting at home watching that and thinking, man, it'd be great. We are hiring right now. Get online. Idola State Police dot gov. Hold on. How early do I have to get up for this job? Do I get to sleep later? If you work night shift, yes. All right.

Speaker 4: You don't have to watch it on TV. You can come and do it live. And we've got a recent race, so we're starting out at a decent rate. And so yeah, it'd be awesome. Hey Jay, did you hear that?

Well, I will think about it. first one in eight years. I think I'm getting close to that.

And still getting paid more than your words. That's at about six. That's okay. I can wait a decade for a raise. It doesn't harm my retirement. It's not like the cost of living hasn't tripled in the last two years. So it's fine. Well, Mark, I hope you have a great weekend, man.

Speaker 4: Thanks, you guys too. Have a good one. See ya.

Speaker 2: 208-535-1015, the number to call for traffic school powered by the advocates injury attorneys. You know, last week when you were uh just chilling in trying life is what we call that. We talked a lot about you know the hottest topic, the flock cameras. I found this really cool website. Uh I think I told the listeners about it.

Dflock.org. And they've made some big changes. Uh I I saw something about that, but I hadn't read the earlier.

They've changed their software up. We can talk about that more. All right, let's take this call and we'll get into that. Uh K bear, you were live on Traffic School, powered by the advocates. Who's this? This is Robert. Robert, what up?

Speaker 4: Uh question regarding the staying in the left lane. How does that apply when you're on I-15 and you get the signs that say through traffic left?

Speaker 2: So at that point, going through the construction. That's you can go ahead and drive in that left lane. You're not impeding traffic if you're doing the speed limit and things of that nature because you're being instructed to be there.

Speaker 4: Well, it's not it's not the construction zone.

Speaker 2: It's uh like it's when you're

Speaker 4: coming out of the Chubic flying Y. Not the top of Flying Y. It's the idol falls interchange when you're headed southbound. Oh, like uh 118, 120.

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so northbound on I-15. And the reason for that is because that intersection there during prime time, which is morning seven to nine and evenings four to seven, uh, will back up onto the roadway. So that's why we're trying to push traffic over to that left lane.

Speaker 4: Okay, I just wanted to get be weren't in there and someone would be speeding, trying to pass you on the right, but you'd get in trouble if you were just traveling through, waiting, maybe.

Speaker 2: Nope, nope. If you're doing the speed limit and you're that left lane, you're doing as instructed. The person passing, if they're over the speed limit, could uh be stopped inside for uh speed violation.

Speaker 4: Okay. That answers the question.

Speaker 2: Right, man. Thanks for the call. Appreciate the call.

Speaker 4: Yes, sir. See you. No problem. See you.

Speaker 2: Okay, so um what do you know about this software update? What are they changing to try to make people settle down a little bit? Well, it sounds like there was some issues with some agencies, and I don't know where they were because these flock cameras were all over the nation, right? Where officers were abusing it. Yeah, I told you about that episode of uh last week tonight I watched. Those guys are in trouble. It's not designed to follow your girlfriend.

Yeah, or like, oh, this this hotel's got these cameras pointed at their pool. I think I'll watch it for about two, three hours. Well, I could probably fit in four. Gotta make sure those people are swimming safe. Those ladies in the bikinis, you know, gotta keep an eye on them.

Uh well, let's do this caller and we'll get back to this. How dare you? Uh K-Bear, you're live on traffic school powered by the advocates. Who's this? This is Deborah. Deborah, what's up? Deborah, I love when Deborah calls. Yeah.

Speaker 1: Oh, I just love you both. Thanks. Anyway, um, my question is I drive a semi-side dump for a construction company.

Speaker 2: She can beat you in an arm wrestle. She could beat you in an arm wrestle video. Oh, for sure. For sure.

Speaker 1: Oh, I lay I weigh like 103 pounds.

Speaker 2: Yeah, you can still beat it. You can still be victorious.

Speaker 1: Anyway, um I've had people tailgate that side dump so close, I can't see them with the mirrors. And there's a push bar on the back of that side dump. So if you get stuck, somebody can push out.

Speaker 2: Then why does a sign say don't push here?

Speaker 1: Well, we have signs on the back of them.

Speaker 2: I know, I'm T. I know.

Speaker 1: Stay 300 feet back. We are not responsible for broken windows. There you go. You knew that. Anyway, what do you do when somebody is tailgating you so close that you can't see them in your mirrors?

Speaker 2: You say serenity now.

Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, if if I had to if I had to stop, that push bar would take their heads off. Yeah.

Speaker 2: You know, there was a big push years ago. Remember talking about trying not to drive in the no zone area around trucks? And that's exactly what we were trying to educate people on that if you can't see the truck's rear view mirrors, they cannot see you. Exactly. And that's also kind of a myth because when you come up the side of a truck, there's a uh zone in there, a space in there that they can't see you even though you can see their mirrors.

Don't drive in the no-zone area. And uh so people be aware of that. And I I just don't know. It's interesting to me how close some people drive. They don't uh follow any kind of following distant rules or anything like that. And then they drive right off the hood of the car. They don't drive out in front of them. We just talked about that with Maddie. Even in the races, look out ahead of you, see where the problems are and avoid them. Right? Good call.

Speaker 1: Oh, well, I I just wondered because I don't want somebody beheaded because they're idiots.

Speaker 2: No, I think the best thing for you is where you're driving the semi, not worry about them back there because then you might have to do an invasive action because you've missed something in front of you. And so just continue being a defensive driver in the truck, and they're gonna have to be responsible for their own actions.

Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Well, I just wanted to know. I just you know, those semis, those side dumps when they're loaded, can't drive as fast as the little Zubao cars do. Oh, absolutely. It takes time.

Speaker 2: Well, I hope that nobody smashes into the back of you like an idiot.

Speaker 1: Oh, well, thank you. And you guys, thank you so much. And I just love you guys both.

Speaker 2: Well, thank you, Deborah, and I hope you have an awesome weekend.

Speaker 1: Well, you too, be safe out there. Hey, you as well. Thanks. Bye bye.

Speaker 2: Do you think she's talking to you when you go to dinner tonight? Or maybe me doing law enforcement work. I think me. It's dangerous business. You were like, oh yeah, I'll be safe.

I mean, what if I don't chew properly? I'll be Heimerlick. I hope somebody knows how to do it. Keep me safe. I'd be like, try him flat on the ground, I'll stomp on his chest.

That might work. I got uh a big gut here. I would assume it can push a lot.

Stomp on that hairy belly button. I just see. so um yeah, I I looking at this article where they're talking about you know, changing the software, uh reducing the default period of time data will be retained so that people can't, you know, go back and keep an eye on things. But um I like said I found that website, D flock, and it supposedly shows you

Speaker 4: where all the cameras are in like every town, but I don't know if it's accurate. Like, does Blackfoot have any of those cameras?

Speaker 2: I don't know. And the other thing I don't know is I would think there would be limitations. If I have cameras in my jurisdiction, I shouldn't be able to sign on to cameras in Chicago.

Speaker 4: Yeah, but I guess apparently you could.

Speaker 2: You used to could, right? Yeah, and now they're doing that, and the other thing they're doing is putting their software so that if it doesn't follow the policy, it flags a red flag, and then the officers investigated. Now, know this in Idaho, especially the state of Idaho, when we deal with sensitive information, we all sign a contract that says we will use this appropriately, and if not, you're out of here.

Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah. Well, I hope so. Yeah. Otherwise, who knows what you guys would be getting up to.

Speaker 2: Oh, you know what I'd know about you at this point.

Speaker 4: But I thought it was kind of fun because I wanted to, I zoomed in on Idaho Falls and was like, all right, where are they at around here? And this is Idaho Falls. Okay, you know the roundabout on um uh boulevard by the common sense, kind of close to the museum.

Speaker 2: Yeah, let's see. Yeah, I've been there too.

Speaker 4: Yeah, too. There's three of them there.

Speaker 2: Well, have you seen how monotonous that is to try to get through there?

Speaker 4: Do we have this big of a problem with roundabouts that we need three cameras pointed at one spot? I was like, wow, there must be something crazy there. Not just a roundabout.

Speaker 2: But I was happy to see let my common sense take over.

Speaker 4: But I did uh check my path to and from work, and I'm like, all right, they don't see me. Ain't got no cameras on that route.

Speaker 2: No, but if I could without violating, I'd be able to count how many nose hairs you have at all times.

Speaker 4: I know. I'm just waiting for one to get installed in my cul-de-sac. You guys are always watching. I can't have any fun anymore.

Speaker 2: I'm glad you said cul-de-sac, Isaac. You're gonna say something else. Installed in my blank. Um, are we under a burn ban right now? Yes, we have been. I I was just wasn't sure if because it rained one day, you know, they canceled.

They're not gonna lift it, no. So let's say you set off a firework in your neighborhood. What kind of a crime would that be right now? Well, if it's uh failure to be a safe insane firework, it's a misdemeanor under city ordinance. Okay, they may have an infraction. I don't know what the city ordinance actually says.

Speaker 4: Yeah, but during a burn ban, wouldn't any firework be that would be a violation. Okay. Well, I'm not saying that you're a rat. I'm not saying that anybody did this recently in the church parking lot by my cul-de-sac. Maybe last night with a ground flower. What are you supposed to do when you have leftover fireworks?

Speaker 2: Well, sounds like go to the church parking lot and let them off. Just checking. And last night it was good and wet. Yeah, perfect time. Yeah, good time to do it. So today's the day.

Speaker 4: Firework show. Time to make them neighbors mad. One of my neighbors got so mad on the 4th of July. Because it was uh on July 3rd, but it did turn to the 4th at midnight. So I'm like, oh, it's 4th of July. People don't like it if you're setting up really loud stuff at like one, 2 a.m.

Speaker 2: So this is being done by you, and you're the biggest complainer about people setting off fireworks. No, I don't mind people. I can sleep through anything. I just You know, we got this gecko, and we have to feed it bugs, crickets. We got this one rogue cricket that he's hiding in the gecko terrarium somewhere, and it sounds like a car alarm that never stops.

I've never heard a cricket make this much racket in my life. I can sleep through it. So go ahead, blow stuff up all night.

I won't wake up. I used to remember somebody in years past going, people, we don't have to set fireworks off from this vacation day to this vacation day. Was that me? Yeah. I don't remember that.

What was I must have been trolling a little bit or something? Because uh that's anti American. I saw it on the internet just the other day. Some politician running for office somewhere,

Speaker 4: and they're like, he said we shouldn't light fireworks. That loser. Burn him at the steak. He's not a real American. Hey, everybody. You know, if you don't call, this show's over. All right. We don't have to do this. 208-535-1015, the number to call for traffic school powered by the advocates. Don't make them any promises. And you know, you'd think with uh, you know, the amount of uh law enforcement in um St.

Anthony. I know they got some cops around there. Why do they have more flock cameras in St. Anthony than Rexburg? What are like five people live in St. Anthony? Who are you watching?

Speaker 2: They were able to lay off two officers. That was a $60,000 a year savings.

Speaker 4: Oh, okay. It makes sense. That's the economy we're in. We'll we'll be all right.

Speaker 2: Last call callers 208-535-1015 for traffic school powered by the advocates. K bear, you're live on the show. Who's this? This is Pete. Peach. Yes, sir. Okay, Peach. What's up?

Speaker 4: Uh I don't I don't know if uh Lieutenant Crane is ready for this amount of stupidity. I know he's he's seen some stuff before.

Speaker 2: I work with Victor every Friday. Yeah, I was gonna say.

Speaker 4: So uh last Friday, driving 9 15 south down there by the uh rest area. It's 5 30. There's a ton of traffic, there's you know, harvest going on, so there's farm trucks. I'm in the fast lane, and I notice this kid on a crotch rocket just weaving in and out of traffic, in and out of traffic, in and out of traffic.

Finally, he comes flying up on the right side of me. The kid is texting while riding. He's got his cell phone in his left hand, right hand on the throttle. We need to like that is next level stupidity.

Speaker 2: We need to get that guy in the Air Force. No kidding. Why an aircraft for that guy's skilled.

Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. So uh before my girlfriend can whip her phone out to record this idiot. He and he's keep in mind he's got like a 1962 international farm truck behind him. He's did the kid's doing 80 miles an hour plus. He drops his cell phone. So what does he do? Grabs all the brake and just locks up boat tires, starts tank slapping all over the highway, and that farm truck behind him locks his brakes up because he can't stop.

Speaker 2: Well, the one break that was working.

Speaker 4: Exactly. Exactly. So my question is if my girlfriend did get her her phone out in time to record that idiot. Could he be charged with anything?

Speaker 2: Man, this is a great question, and this is gonna be the answer. As far as charges go, if you was able to record that, you have the evidence. We could go and take that report from you. You would be the one will uh that would need to sign the complaint, and you would also need to be the one willing to go and follow it through the court system where you were the observers and the witnesses of that. We wouldn't be able to do it as law enforcement. Oh, okay. Yep. All right. Interesting. But nine out of ten morticians support drivers like that.

Speaker 4: Keeps them in business, huh?

Speaker 2: Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, I'll just uh have the old lady keep her keep the quick draw on her phone for next time.

Speaker 2: Heck yeah, man. We'll be safe out there this weekend and uh hope it's a good one. All right. Yep, have a good one. Peace. Bye. All right. Um, I guess Stuart wanted to show you this. He sent me a message. Uh police in where was this?

Said a Russian national in Louisiana. Uh, they found 790 pounds of meth. Is that enough? It looks like they he wanted you to see the the meth pyramid that they built there.

So there you go. That's uh a lot of uh horrible stuff off the streets. Somebody missed payday today. Somebody's having a bad time. Yeah. All right.

Where's Mom Money? Well, um, I hope the figure eight races go good tonight. Yeah, I know I won't see you there, so we'll see you next Friday. There is a possibility. Not a chance. It's slim. Slim, but we'll see. Ravonda.

How motivated I am that it'll be a great time. I'm guessing Ravonda is sleeping because she has not called in and said something obnoxious. You better hope she is now.

Hey, I I laugh. I got no problem with Ravanda's calls. But yeah, hope the races go good. Everybody should get out support Maddie, Madison County Fairgrounds in Rexburg tonight. Seven o'clock.

Figure eight races are fun. Uh concessions, food full. And it's Rexburg, So you know they're gonna be serving up the hard stuff.

Lemonade stands. That's right. So BYOB. Uh no. The thing is run by a cop. So maybe. Well, yep. Uh, hope you have a good weekend, Lieutenant Crane. Thank you.

Glad you're feeling better and all healed up. Yeah. Superman, the mountain cannot be stopped. Little collarbone. I don't need my collarbone. Take it out. All right, all. We'll be back in just a few with probably more terrible show, because this thing's been a dumpster fire today.com.