Danny Henriquez on Sobriety, Storytelling, and Podcasting

What do you get when you mix a fresh perspective on the 12 steps, a sharp sense of humor, and some unexpected twists in recovery? You get Danny Henriquez. In this episode, we sit down with the host of The Hen Dog Half to talk about getting sober, showing up for sponsees, and how to survive weddings without a drink in hand.

Danny brings the kind of insight that makes you laugh, nod, and think, “Okay... this guy gets it.” If you’re into honest recovery talk without the doom and gloom, this one’s for you.

🔍 Topics Covered in This Episode:
What early sobriety really felt like
Why service work actually works
The unexpected power of the Lord’s Prayer
Marriage and relationships in recovery
That dangerous little word: yet
Making peace with “having a drinking problem”
Why the 12 steps apply to everyone (not just alcoholics)
How AA doubles as group therapy
Sober travel and weddings—without the weirdness
Finding your people and your podcast voice

To get into contact with Danny Henriquez
E-mail: [e-mail]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hendoghalf/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danny.h.henriquez
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@schoolyardpro02115

P.S. Thanks for supporting independent recovery shows like ours. We’re a small but mighty and we’re so glad you’re here.

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Do you have questions or feedback or want to be a guest? Email [e-mail] 

• (02:27) - – Danny’s Story / Sober Date: Aug 9, 2022
• (07:47) - – Traveling Sober
• (08:26) - – Prayer Surprise
• (12:45) - – Sponsorship
• (15:52) - – 4th & 5th Step
• (24:28) - – “Did I Really Have a Problem?”
• (27:02) - – Marriage in Sobriety
• (32:21) - – Steps for Being Human
• (39:26) - – More About Alcoholism
• (43:08) - – Early Sobriety Days
• (51:40) - – “Cool” Drinking Myth
• (55:04) - – Sober Weddings
• (01:02:35) - – AA & Group Therapy
• (01:10:38) - – Connect with Danny

★ Support this podcast ★

Creators and Guests

Host

Rachel Casey

Co-founder and host of Sober Banter.

What is Sober Banter?

Sober Banter, a podcast about life without alcohol, is real, relatable, and never boring. Hosts Rachel and Colin share honest conversations about sobriety with humor, heart, and a touch of chaos.

(00:00:08):
Welcome to Sober Banter.

(00:00:09):
My name is Rachel and I am hosting solo, but I am not solo on this podcast.

(00:00:15):
I do have a very special guest,

(00:00:17):
Danny Hen,

(00:00:18):
and he is the founder of the Hen Dog Half,

(00:00:23):
but under that is the Discussions and Chillin' Sobriety Day,

(00:00:28):
August 9th,

(00:00:30):
2022.

(00:00:30):
Welcome, Danny.

(00:00:31):
Thank you.

(00:00:31):
Thank you.

(00:00:32):
I appreciate that intro and I'm so happy to be here.

(00:00:35):
So did you get into podcasting pre-sobriety or post-sobriety?

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I did.

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I think the first two episodes, I was still drinking.

(00:00:42):
And what had happened was actually during COVID-19,

(00:00:45):
one of my friend's cousins has a pretty successful Instagram Live at the time.

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This is now almost five years ago.

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And what he did was, yo, he texted me.

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He was like, he's like, Danny, you're a respiratory therapist, right?

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I'm like, yes, of course.

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And he's like,

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can you talk on our Instagram Live about the COVID-19 and everything that was going

(00:01:03):
on?

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It was about a month into it.

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So I was like, of course, you know, and I did it with him.

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And it it's a hit like a lot of people were sending in questions and was like and

(00:01:13):
especially people on my side were like,

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Danny,

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you should do podcasting.

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Give us a voice.

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Yeah.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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I appreciate that.

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You know, like once again, going with the insecurities, I always think, oh, my head's too big.

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I'm being too boring.

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I'm spitting my voice in there.

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That's always a doubting you.

(00:01:28):
after that 2020 podcast with michael i was like i need to do this i need to then

(00:01:32):
you know how you like you kind of sit there and you like plan it out okay i need

(00:01:36):
this i need that and then like and then you make that delay and then that and then

(00:01:40):
that piles on so for two years i didn't do anything and then it was in i think it

(00:01:45):
was like june july of 2022 where i was like all right let me buckle down i'm just

(00:01:50):
going to use my selfie cam and just do it that way and then i my first two episodes

(00:01:55):
were

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One, just introducing myself and just saying what I want to do in this.

(00:01:59):
And then the second one was about what is a WTF respiratory therapist?

(00:02:03):
You know, like people don't know what I do.

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You know, so and going off the bat of what happened in 2020 with my friends podcast.

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Like, let me start off here because it's something obviously I'm very familiar with.

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So I did that and that hit.

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I got like, I didn't think I was going to get more than like, you know, like 10, 15 views.

(00:02:19):
But then it hit almost 200 and I was like, whoa, okay, maybe I'm onto something here.

(00:02:23):
And then the situation that got me sober happened on, it was about August.

(00:02:29):
I call my sober date August 15th,

(00:02:31):
but the day I put,

(00:02:32):
when we spoke about it,

(00:02:33):
August 9th was the situation that got me sober.

(00:02:36):
sober that i knew that i needed to turn around i was that guy would come in 90 days

(00:02:40):
clean up feel good get a girlfriend boom i'm out and then right back to just the

(00:02:46):
going out as we always say what had happened in 2022 was i had a bad date and it

(00:02:52):
was in boston and of course you know she left a little early and i was like you

(00:02:57):
know f the world f this you know you're just getting into that pity pot

(00:03:01):
And I was already like maybe like a drink or two deep.

(00:03:03):
And I was like, screw it.

(00:03:04):
I ended up getting hammered across the street from TD Bank Garden,

(00:03:09):
which is like the big arena here in Boston where the Celtics play.

(00:03:13):
And the bartender kept serving me.

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I got into a bad car accident.

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Real, real bad.

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Yeah.

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And I was, I was wrecked.

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I was really, really drunk.

(00:03:22):
And this is where I know it's like embarrassing and stuff,

(00:03:24):
but I tell the story because this was my having to accept God into my life or the

(00:03:29):
universe or whatever you call a higher power.

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Something, something outside yourself, a spirit.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Cause the cops came,

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everyone came through,

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you know,

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there's a big,

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it's called route one up here in Massachusetts and they towed away my car and

(00:03:43):
everything.

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I was able to pass the field sobriety,

(00:03:45):
but they knew I was drunk,

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you know,

(00:03:47):
and I related always back to,

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I always say this in the halls,

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like I,

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I am so blessed that I played soccer growing up because running backwards.

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Remember if you ever played soccer, anyone, you always do it.

(00:03:58):
One of you could raise in laps.

(00:04:00):
That was it.

(00:04:00):
You know, like walking straight forward and then dribbles.

(00:04:02):
Yes, exactly.

(00:04:04):
Exactly.

(00:04:04):
And I was able to do it with like all the flashing lights of all the cars driving by.

(00:04:08):
You're that guy now on the side of the road.

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Some people thrive on adrenaline, too.

(00:04:12):
So you get that rush of adrenaline.

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I think that's what it was,

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because I really want to say that I remember the whole conversation I had with the

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officers and everything,

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and they let me go.

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I was afforded an opportunity that is not given to politicians,

(00:04:24):
that is not given to actors,

(00:04:26):
that is not given to billionaires.

(00:04:28):
You're talking about the Kennedys get charged with DWIs.

(00:04:32):
And that was,

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you know,

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that was the godsend because especially during the pandemic,

(00:04:38):
I became a really,

(00:04:39):
really bad drunk driver.

(00:04:41):
I was not.

(00:04:41):
You were a good one before.

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No, not even.

(00:04:44):
I wasn't one.

(00:04:45):
I was always one that I was always like, I'm not driving.

(00:04:47):
I'm going to take an Uber.

(00:04:48):
I'm going to walk home.

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Especially when you're younger, you're okay walking three towns away, you know, back home.

(00:04:53):
in the at two in the morning and like you wonder oh you'll probably get killed on

(00:04:56):
the side of the road but yeah yeah exactly exactly it doesn't matter we're all we

(00:05:00):
got a buzz let's go so i was afforded that opportunity and the next day i contacted

(00:05:06):
a college friend she was in the program and i knew that she was in the program and

(00:05:10):
she had brought me to actually my first aa meeting in 2013 almost 10 years before

(00:05:13):
that

(00:05:16):
And obviously I didn't stick with it revolving door,

(00:05:18):
which is going to be a going theme as I talk about my journey.

(00:05:21):
I had another friend pick me up from the scene and then I got home and like just

(00:05:25):
basically cried myself to sleep.

(00:05:27):
I was like, what just happened?

(00:05:28):
And me also thinking that my car was totaled.

(00:05:31):
I love my car.

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I have an hour drive into work every time I work.

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So I feel like me and my car become your best friends.

(00:05:37):
So I felt bad about my car, felt bad about me.

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And just knowing,

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you know,

(00:05:40):
I was in a bad place anyway,

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mental health wise,

(00:05:42):
with depression and all that.

(00:05:44):
So I knew I needed to make a change.

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So that's when I called my friend from college.

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And within like two hours,

(00:05:51):
she had us two sponsors call me like,

(00:05:53):
hey,

(00:05:53):
Danny,

(00:05:54):
we heard about everything that happened a couple of nights ago,

(00:05:56):
or you need some help.

(00:05:57):
you know, come meet us.

(00:05:58):
So I met up with both of them and I wound up staying with this one guy older.

(00:06:01):
And as the big book says,

(00:06:03):
the elder statesman,

(00:06:04):
you know,

(00:06:05):
he was just old school,

(00:06:06):
but like cool,

(00:06:07):
like cool still.

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And yeah, he turned my life around.

(00:06:11):
And that really, you know, I think that is one of the big things at the beginning of sobriety.

(00:06:15):
You need a coach,

(00:06:16):
you know,

(00:06:17):
like and playing sports or like you're a college student or you need someone

(00:06:21):
teaching you.

(00:06:22):
And like they always say in the halls, you can't do this alone.

(00:06:25):
You can't do this alone.

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As much as you think you can, you can't.

(00:06:29):
You need help with this stuff, especially at the beginning.

(00:06:32):
And I also knew at this point that drinking had been really, really bad.

(00:06:37):
I had been doing a lot of bad things drinking.

(00:06:41):
the christmas before this was august but the christmas before that i got drunk with

(00:06:46):
my friend on christmas eve came home to my parents house oh my sister's house and

(00:06:51):
knocked over the christmas tree time i go to the bathroom like you know stuff like

(00:06:54):
that like it was just yeah it was bad news i don't have a problem exactly i was

(00:06:59):
like i think i quit for like a day and then like you know came back up here and

(00:07:03):
then it was a moment it wasn't the drinking

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Yeah, it's never the drinking.

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It's,

(00:07:08):
oh,

(00:07:08):
I was messed up because of something else that happened or I was,

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you know,

(00:07:12):
or,

(00:07:12):
oh,

(00:07:12):
that person maybe sucked down,

(00:07:14):
stressed,

(00:07:15):
you know,

(00:07:15):
whatever.

(00:07:16):
So,

(00:07:16):
yeah,

(00:07:16):
when I finally was able,

(00:07:18):
that August,

(00:07:19):
I was able to just buckle down and be like,

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okay,

(00:07:21):
I can't do this anymore.

(00:07:22):
I know that I'm going to, especially after that car accident, I could have died.

(00:07:26):
I could have killed somebody.

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You know,

(00:07:28):
I would have been on the local news in orange jumpsuits,

(00:07:31):
you know,

(00:07:31):
like,

(00:07:31):
and it would have been that guy.

(00:07:33):
It was an enlightening, but very, very frightening situation.

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But I was lucky to escape from that.

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And I was lucky, like I said, I was given an opportunity.

(00:07:43):
People better than I weren't given or richer than I shall I say, you know, so.

(00:07:48):
Now, do you travel a lot?

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Like, do you get around the country and like go to other different AAs that aren't in Dallas?

(00:07:52):
Have you ever been?

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Anytime I traveled in the first year,

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I was like,

(00:07:56):
I want to make sure there was a meeting wherever I was going.

(00:07:58):
So, yeah, they're all the only things that are different is like how they end.

(00:08:03):
And then what prayer they do if they do a prayer.

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I guess Texas is the it works if you work it up here, up here in Massachusetts.

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Yeah, up here in Massachusetts.

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It's very Irish Catholic, you know, a lot of and that's where the roots are.

(00:08:16):
So a lot of them ended with the Lord's Prayer, which could be hard for some people.

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And I understand that,

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you know,

(00:08:23):
like especially if you have issues with,

(00:08:25):
you know,

(00:08:26):
the Catholic Church.

(00:08:27):
I was thrown through a loop, man.

(00:08:28):
I was like, what is happening?

(00:08:30):
I just remember our first meeting and I am Jewish, so I do not know the Lord's Prayer.

(00:08:35):
And I'm like next to my husband.

(00:08:37):
And again, we had both just taken desire chips.

(00:08:39):
We have no idea what's going on.

(00:08:41):
And I hear him saying the prayer and I was like, what the?

(00:08:47):
am I like being like, is this a, am I being pranked?

(00:08:50):
Like, am I being punked?

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Or is this actually about to pop out?

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Like, and I'm just looking at like, where is he looking that he's saying it?

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And I'm like, what?

(00:09:00):
He doesn't go to church.

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I'm married to him.

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I know him.

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Like, and we,

(00:09:04):
I've never said he doesn't go.

(00:09:05):
And he had told me after I'm like, what the fuck was that?

(00:09:09):
Like, where did that come from?

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And he's like, yeah, I mean, I went to I grew up in a church.

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Like, I don't go now.

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But he's like, the Lord's Prayer is what I know.

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Yeah, that's the one that make you learn.

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Like if you're if you're in a Catholic house and you go to religion class or trade,

(00:09:26):
it's like religion is one of those things that people kind of just keep to

(00:09:29):
themselves.

(00:09:30):
You know,

(00:09:30):
like even even that,

(00:09:32):
like when I went to my first AA meeting ever in 2000,

(00:09:37):
yeah,

(00:09:38):
2013,

(00:09:38):
because it was right after the Boston Marathon bombings.

(00:09:40):
i fell into a really black hole and my friend who i mentioned my college friend

(00:09:44):
she's jewish just like you and was very like you know like i we knew her as oh

(00:09:48):
she's jewish you know like yeah it's it's a rarity you know well not with me i'm

(00:09:52):
from long island so i'm like i see you know like i grew up i grew up i went to bar

(00:09:56):
mitzvahs you know i partied i i know the you know the all all that stuff i knew

(00:10:01):
about the culture because i just didn't know the lord's prayer i didn't have

(00:10:04):
anything against

(00:10:04):
yeah no it's and it's funny because yeah this girl my my friend from college she

(00:10:09):
knew it and she said it even i you know i looked at her and i'm like wait aren't

(00:10:13):
you joy like yeah how did you do that honey on the opposite end yeah yeah i hadn't

(00:10:18):
thought about that yeah yeah and it just be as of going at that point i think she

(00:10:22):
was like a two years sober so you know you just learn it through there

(00:10:26):
but i could see and that's where like i always especially if i share and like the

(00:10:30):
topic is you know your higher power or people like the person who guest speaks that

(00:10:35):
day that's their big topic is god save my life some i know i know for a fact

(00:10:40):
there's a lot of people that just can't connect with that

(00:10:43):
So,

(00:10:43):
you know,

(00:10:43):
I always try to,

(00:10:44):
like,

(00:10:45):
when it's my turn to speak,

(00:10:46):
I always try to be respectful about,

(00:10:48):
like,

(00:10:48):
whether it's God or,

(00:10:50):
you know,

(00:10:50):
the universe,

(00:10:51):
the sun that makes the flowers grow,

(00:10:54):
the rain that makes the flowers grow,

(00:10:56):
you know,

(00:10:57):
like,

(00:10:57):
something like that.

(00:10:58):
Like, you have to hold on to something bigger than us.

(00:11:01):
And for some people, unfortunately, fortunately, fortunately, unfortunately,

(00:11:05):
It's, you know, God could be a very hard topic for them.

(00:11:08):
Yeah.

(00:11:08):
And I always feel for people like that.

(00:11:09):
The best advice I've always, or at least not best advice.

(00:11:13):
It's, how do I know if it's the best?

(00:11:15):
The advice I always gave my sponsees was, first off, it's personal.

(00:11:19):
And second, you know, as long as it's not you and it's something, it can grow with time.

(00:11:24):
Like it can be just, you don't have to identify or say, like I was like translation of language.

(00:11:32):
God is just a translation of a word that means lots of different things.

(00:11:37):
Identify with the similarities, not the differences.

(00:11:39):
Like, don't focus on you don't want to attach that word.

(00:11:44):
Separate the word from the feeling.

(00:11:45):
You know what I mean?

(00:11:46):
Yes, yes.

(00:11:47):
And that's,

(00:11:48):
I think,

(00:11:49):
what's hard for people,

(00:11:50):
especially if they had religion spores down their throats,

(00:11:53):
you know,

(00:11:53):
and

(00:11:54):
I hear that.

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I hear that.

(00:11:55):
And I, and I, and I do sympathize.

(00:11:57):
It's not the same.

(00:11:57):
So it's like, so let's go ahead.

(00:12:00):
That is perfect.

(00:12:01):
Boom.

(00:12:01):
You hit that down on your fourth step.

(00:12:03):
But for now, until you get for one, two, three, it's just, let's just not focus.

(00:12:09):
It doesn't have to be so serious.

(00:12:11):
It's just gotta be something that's not you.

(00:12:14):
You are not the power, whatever.

(00:12:16):
It could be the water bottle.

(00:12:17):
It can be a paper,

(00:12:19):
whatever you want it to be,

(00:12:20):
as long as it is not you and you are not in control of it.

(00:12:23):
Yes,

(00:12:23):
and that I think you hit the nail right on the head with that because I feel like

(00:12:29):
that would quell anybody's anxieties when they're like,

(00:12:32):
you know,

(00:12:32):
I don't like the Catholic Church.

(00:12:33):
It's like, no, put that away.

(00:12:35):
This is different, you know, and we have to, the way you explain it.

(00:12:38):
The amends comes later.

(00:12:40):
Yes, exactly, exactly.

(00:12:41):
You said it so well, I'm not going to butcher it.

(00:12:43):
Yeah, exactly.

(00:12:44):
I'm going to record, you know, we had this on recording, so I'm going to have it there.

(00:12:48):
Yeah, and then so you have sponsees.

(00:12:50):
That's always been a big thing with you.

(00:12:51):
I don't know.

(00:12:52):
Well, I mean, I've kind of come to a place where I got sick.

(00:12:55):
Evan had got sick on and off.

(00:12:58):
Then he had to have his tonsils.

(00:12:59):
And I kind of told the sponsors I had that I wasn't as available.

(00:13:03):
I couldn't answer my phone all the time.

(00:13:04):
And I was just that's the big thing.

(00:13:07):
Harder.

(00:13:07):
I feel bad because I like I'm not going to say I abused my sponsor,

(00:13:11):
but there were definitely sometimes I gave him that call at like one in the

(00:13:14):
morning.

(00:13:14):
You know, I

(00:13:14):
I love being there.

(00:13:15):
I just my five as Evan's gotten older,

(00:13:18):
because when I started,

(00:13:19):
he was two and I had a lot more time when two to four,

(00:13:23):
actually.

(00:13:23):
And now that he's almost six, there's just a lot of kindergarten is full of events, events.

(00:13:30):
And it just gets busier.

(00:13:31):
It just gets busier.

(00:13:33):
And I felt it wasn't fair.

(00:13:34):
I told them they can always call.

(00:13:36):
Like there's never a time I won't pick up the phone or call back immediately.

(00:13:40):
But to commit to a weekly meeting, I was starting to get a resentment.

(00:13:44):
I was starting to get like,

(00:13:45):
I don't have time to put this on the calendar,

(00:13:47):
but I don't have time to not help.

(00:13:49):
And I just said,

(00:13:50):
at this time,

(00:13:51):
I think I need to...

(00:13:52):
My ego does not need to be so big that I need to be someone's sponsor.

(00:13:56):
I think there's probably someone better suited that has more time and doesn't have

(00:14:01):
a five-year-old.

(00:14:02):
And I kind of said, the amends I made to Evan was that I was going to show up as his mom.

(00:14:10):
And while I love sponsoring and I love helping other people,

(00:14:13):
and I will always answer the phone or a text or an email.

(00:14:16):
I do this podcast.

(00:14:17):
But there's got to be a point where I still have to show up for Evan, too.

(00:14:22):
It's the personal boundaries, you know, where you can't do everything 100%.

(00:14:28):
You have to focus.

(00:14:29):
I love sponsoring.

(00:14:34):
I think that it's such a good way to also keep yourself sober.

(00:14:38):
But it also reminds you.

(00:14:40):
of what it is to be that new that new person you know that the biggest spiritual

(00:14:45):
moments i've ever had is the the three that i've walked through the steps literally

(00:14:51):
i can tell you the moment when i saw them come into me and like they had a

(00:14:55):
different light in their eye and they looked like a totally different person and

(00:14:59):
like just the way that they walked differently and i was just like

(00:15:04):
seeing the person who was day one to then giving them their one-year chip is

(00:15:08):
magical it is it is and i i once again you said it so you said it so well i don't

(00:15:14):
even want to reiterate it it is it is that and it's um i think it's it's scary for

(00:15:20):
women too i believe because i've i've talked to like i have a lot of friends that

(00:15:23):
are females in the club in our club

(00:15:28):
In the club, like 50 Cent.

(00:15:30):
But they say that it's scary walking into a room filled with dudes when you're by

(00:15:35):
yourself and you're in that pit of,

(00:15:38):
I need to get sober.

(00:15:40):
I could see that intimidation, especially for females.

(00:15:44):
To see your smiling face in a meeting or have you come with them and escort them to a meeting.

(00:15:50):
That is huge.

(00:15:54):
I like when women and women stick together, men and men.

(00:15:56):
But yeah, it's very different on the fourth.

(00:15:58):
I've heard men say they've had a fifth step that's like an overnight thing.

(00:16:02):
And women, I'm like, it's like an hour, two hours maybe.

(00:16:07):
Yeah, mine was about two.

(00:16:09):
It took days to write it.

(00:16:10):
But I want to say it was like a like hour in the restaurant and then an hour in the

(00:16:16):
car after,

(00:16:17):
you know,

(00:16:17):
like it was like very much like that.

(00:16:19):
And it's hard.

(00:16:19):
It's like I that's where I agree with the male,

(00:16:24):
male and male and female,

(00:16:25):
female sponsors,

(00:16:26):
because there's just some stuff that I would never tell a female about my fourth

(00:16:31):
step,

(00:16:31):
you know,

(00:16:32):
and I think that's it with females.

(00:16:33):
Like there's something that they wouldn't want to.

(00:16:36):
I mean, I don't know.

(00:16:37):
It does work.

(00:16:38):
I've seen it work before.

(00:16:40):
Again, everything's a suggestion.

(00:16:41):
There are no rules.

(00:16:44):
And I emphasize that, too, with anyone I've ever sponsored.

(00:16:47):
I'm like, listen, everything I say is a suggestion.

(00:16:51):
I made sure, and I was taught from my sponsor, that anything I say...

(00:16:56):
I'm not holding with any expectation.

(00:16:59):
Like I give the advice freely.

(00:17:01):
So I don't like care if you take it or not.

(00:17:03):
I'm just only speaking from my perspective, from my experience or experience that I was told.

(00:17:09):
So I never judge.

(00:17:11):
And I'm like, this is literally, there's no like rules.

(00:17:14):
I'm not gonna be mad.

(00:17:15):
And also like if they ever wanted to work with someone else, that was totally okay.

(00:17:19):
Like, I'm not the, you know, you learn the leveling of your pride that,

(00:17:24):
can't be ego ego edging god out as i always say it's edging god i like that yeah

(00:17:29):
it's always it's like yeah it's like why don't they want me or what did i do wrong

(00:17:33):
it's like it has nothing to do with you and that is always that that is the biggest

(00:17:36):
like you know the letting go part it's so hard yeah it's hard it's super especially

(00:17:40):
because you're so sensitive we're we're we're addicts because we try to fill a hole

(00:17:45):
you know whether it be you know like loss of love loss of

(00:17:48):
money loss of anything you know you try to fill that hole with alcohol so you take

(00:17:52):
that away and now you're like oh i'm gonna sponsor and i'm gonna like well i'm

(00:17:55):
gonna bake you know brownies for every meeting that i go to and then you that one

(00:18:00):
person criticizes you boom it's like your whole world gets rocked and i've seen it

(00:18:03):
happen i always feel bad i'm always like no don't don't don't get discouraged when

(00:18:08):
um when you were doing service like you were making coffee and stuff at the

(00:18:11):
beginning you

(00:18:12):
Yep.

(00:18:13):
Yep.

(00:18:13):
I came to those ridiculous coffee pots.

(00:18:17):
And I bought all this nice cleaning stuff.

(00:18:19):
So I'll get the hot water rinse and scrub it down.

(00:18:22):
And then people would just not care about them.

(00:18:24):
And I'm like...

(00:18:26):
Yeah.

(00:18:26):
And then you get a resentment for that.

(00:18:28):
Yeah.

(00:18:28):
And then, yes.

(00:18:29):
And I mean, resentment, I'm like, they don't know any better.

(00:18:31):
They don't.

(00:18:32):
It's just it's going to always be no matter what, whether I clean them or not.

(00:18:36):
It's kind of like you can but you can't make any rules.

(00:18:40):
You can't do anything.

(00:18:41):
So it's just like it's the way it is.

(00:18:44):
And that's fine.

(00:18:45):
And people want not every group is like that, though.

(00:18:49):
Well, that that's like the I go to this one meeting up in Nashville, New Hampshire.

(00:18:53):
Great meeting.

(00:18:54):
And I know the elder state's been there.

(00:18:56):
However, it's filled with just people that just need their paper signed.

(00:19:00):
You know, so you smell like your meetings.

(00:19:03):
There was times just getting a bunch of papers in the basket.

(00:19:06):
And it's like, that's fine.

(00:19:07):
I don't care.

(00:19:08):
No, it's perfect.

(00:19:08):
And I and.

(00:19:10):
more power to you do it do it but that does get into the environment if a lot of if

(00:19:15):
that's the majority of the meeting i feel like that's where it steers to you know

(00:19:19):
like the the screaming and yelling and you know like oh you know like perverted

(00:19:23):
jokes and all that yeah you gotta have people good sobriety like it's got to be a

(00:19:26):
good share and i that's kind of where the start of this podcast came that's where

(00:19:33):
colin and i were like we just want something funny and low-key banter

(00:19:40):
not because the serious meetings are nice when i need them you know but like what

(00:19:45):
about the not serious times what about the times where we just want to laugh about

(00:19:50):
the stupid shit and we're just glad that we're sober today yeah that's what we're

(00:19:55):
kind of looking for

(00:19:56):
And I think most people want that versus getting told to do this and getting like,

(00:20:02):
oh,

(00:20:02):
what were your resentments today?

(00:20:04):
It's like, I don't have resentments every day.

(00:20:06):
I don't need to write down and just harbor on the negative.

(00:20:09):
There is a fun side to it.

(00:20:11):
There is the growth.

(00:20:12):
There's a fun side.

(00:20:13):
There's a growth to it.

(00:20:14):
There's the meeting new people.

(00:20:15):
I've met so many awesome people throughout the years.

(00:20:20):
And also, too, it's just...

(00:20:22):
when you're it's different talking to you rachel i i don't we just met you know 38

(00:20:27):
minutes ago but that we have that commonality of this disease and you know

(00:20:33):
I think just with that, automatically I'm comfortable saying whatever.

(00:20:38):
You know that you're not going to get judged by someone and you know it's not going

(00:20:42):
to reflect negatively.

(00:20:43):
And even better, you'll relate to it.

(00:20:45):
You could tell me a story that's probably similar.

(00:20:48):
And I think that is where the sobriety is.

(00:20:49):
That's where the group therapy of it is.

(00:20:51):
And I feel like that lacks a lot just because it was created in the 1930s or whatever.

(00:20:57):
Like psychology was big.

(00:20:58):
You know, you had the Freudians and everything, but psychology is so much bigger now.

(00:21:02):
It's so much bigger now.

(00:21:04):
And I feel like a lot of us are just it's that it's that mental disease.

(00:21:07):
It's a mental illness that we have.

(00:21:09):
And yes, alcoholism, you could say is a disease.

(00:21:12):
We call it that.

(00:21:14):
DSM calls it the alcohol use disorder.

(00:21:17):
But it's also the depression, the anxiety, the bipolar.

(00:21:20):
It's also like the personality.

(00:21:22):
I think a little too is that I think a lot of alcoholics that...

(00:21:27):
There's different kinds of alcoholics too.

(00:21:29):
Like I think AA is great.

(00:21:32):
And again, I got sober through AA.

(00:21:34):
I have it tattooed on my wrist.

(00:21:36):
I have.

(00:21:36):
Oh, beautiful.

(00:21:37):
Awesome.

(00:21:38):
I left room for my sobriety date because everyone scared me off and was like,

(00:21:41):
don't put your sobriety date.

(00:21:42):
And again, those are like... And those are probably...

(00:21:47):
Well, they're people who had more sobriety than me at the time.

(00:21:50):
And I know that they were saying it from a good place.

(00:21:52):
There's just I think there's this new generation of sobriety coming around.

(00:21:57):
And I would hate to be a part of a meeting where I feel it's so sometimes they

(00:22:03):
don't want to they want to be in like inclusive to the hardcore degree versus like.

(00:22:10):
Hey,

(00:22:10):
we can help each other,

(00:22:12):
like no matter how big or how small,

(00:22:15):
you know,

(00:22:15):
it doesn't have to be a competition of who had the bigger drinking disease or.

(00:22:19):
Oh, and sometimes it gets that way.

(00:22:21):
Yeah.

(00:22:21):
It's sometimes it gets that way.

(00:22:22):
We're like,

(00:22:23):
oh,

(00:22:23):
well I was drunker than you or it's like,

(00:22:25):
whoa,

(00:22:25):
we're going off the other side of the,

(00:22:28):
it's not it's a we're looking for commonalities we're not trying to be different

(00:22:32):
we're trying to be the same like it's the same that i didn't use meth or anything

(00:22:38):
you know but i can tell that the way someone talks about that like with their meth

(00:22:44):
problem which i i always laugh at there the cma and someone's like don't think

(00:22:50):
that's the country music awards yeah

(00:22:52):
They were like, it's the crystal method, anonymous.

(00:22:55):
And it's like,

(00:22:56):
okay,

(00:22:57):
so I might not have done it,

(00:22:58):
but I can totally relate to his cycle of drinking.

(00:23:02):
And then the next day is swearing you're not going to do it.

(00:23:04):
And then you end up doing it again.

(00:23:05):
And like, we can substitute whatever word or drug for that.

(00:23:11):
And I totally get it because I know that feeling.

(00:23:14):
And that's where

(00:23:16):
I stick to the primary purpose of alcohol,

(00:23:18):
but I can totally expand my mind to understand another addiction and understand

(00:23:25):
that like I did recover from alcohol.

(00:23:26):
So I bet you can also recover from insert XYZ.

(00:23:32):
Yes.

(00:23:32):
Yeah.

(00:23:32):
And that's and that's and that's the hardest part.

(00:23:35):
Sometimes it's, you know, understanding your own alcoholism.

(00:23:38):
You know, sometimes it's not defined in the in the big book.

(00:23:42):
It's not defined in the 12 steps.

(00:23:43):
I was a binge drinker.

(00:23:45):
I was never an everyday drinker.

(00:23:46):
I was always huge on the black.

(00:23:48):
It was a binge everyday drink.

(00:23:51):
I did it every day.

(00:23:53):
And there were times where I relate to that completely where it'd be like 10 days

(00:23:58):
straight of getting drunk because I was on a staycation.

(00:24:01):
I just was sitting home.

(00:24:02):
Oh, I can't wait to sit home and drink for 10 days in a row.

(00:24:05):
I just feel like total dog shit.

(00:24:07):
It's always like the different – there's levels to everything.

(00:24:11):
There's levels to everything.

(00:24:12):
And for me, it was hard for me to put a grasp on –

(00:24:16):
How am I an alcoholic?

(00:24:17):
I go to work.

(00:24:18):
I have a good job.

(00:24:20):
I went to college.

(00:24:21):
I was drinking through all of that.

(00:24:24):
An alcoholic would never be able to do what I did, not knowing that.

(00:24:28):
There's always a manipulation people put,

(00:24:29):
and that's another commonality of alcoholics is,

(00:24:32):
well,

(00:24:32):
if I do this,

(00:24:33):
then it's not a math equation.

(00:24:36):
It's not a...

(00:24:39):
drinking plus every day plus liquor, beer, wine, whatever.

(00:24:44):
It's a feeling that you're identifying with.

(00:24:47):
I love that part in the big book when they list.

(00:24:49):
It's like, oh, well, I'm not going to drink beer today.

(00:24:52):
I'm going to drink wine.

(00:24:53):
Oh, I'm not going to drink wine on the weekends.

(00:24:55):
And they had like that whole little list.

(00:24:56):
I tried them all.

(00:24:56):
Yeah, I did them all.

(00:24:58):
I remember reading that and like the very first time to like one of those big book

(00:25:01):
meetings and actually reading that for the first time and being like,

(00:25:04):
same,

(00:25:04):
just like you.

(00:25:04):
I was like, oh, I did all that.

(00:25:06):
Holy smokes.

(00:25:07):
Maybe there is something to this, you know?

(00:25:09):
I remember the stupidest ones.

(00:25:11):
Like,

(00:25:11):
it's just like,

(00:25:12):
oh,

(00:25:12):
maybe it's because I need to do all my liquor first and then I drink wine.

(00:25:16):
Maybe I shouldn't drink wine and then move to liquor.

(00:25:18):
And I'm like,

(00:25:19):
but don't they have that little saying like brown or liquor,

(00:25:23):
liquor,

(00:25:23):
liquor,

(00:25:24):
liquor,

(00:25:25):
whatever.

(00:25:27):
I'm different and I'm backwards and I need to do it the opposite way.

(00:25:30):
Yeah.

(00:25:31):
And,

(00:25:33):
I was obsessed with Captain Morgan's, like Captain and Coke's in college.

(00:25:38):
And then like through the first, like, I want to say like totally 22, 23.

(00:25:41):
That was like my drink.

(00:25:43):
And then but every time it would always be like,

(00:25:45):
oh,

(00:25:45):
man,

(00:25:46):
I drank Captain and Coke and texted this girl.

(00:25:48):
Oh,

(00:25:48):
man,

(00:25:48):
I drank Captain's and Coke and told this girl I love her when I've only been on a

(00:25:52):
first date with her,

(00:25:53):
you know.

(00:25:54):
or a girl from a class that I just shared homework with.

(00:25:59):
I'm like, I don't know.

(00:26:01):
Because Colin and I, the one that we would, and it's so, it was so stupid.

(00:26:05):
So Jameson was our go-to drink, but he loved rum.

(00:26:10):
And he would, with the Kraken.

(00:26:12):
And we would be like, should we unleash the Kraken tonight?

(00:26:15):
And we would get that big-ass handle of Kraken.

(00:26:17):
And it's like, unleash the Kraken!

(00:26:20):
And we're like...

(00:26:21):
It was drink as much as we could till we passed out.

(00:26:23):
It was the worst hangovers, too, because it was so sugary.

(00:26:26):
It was dry.

(00:26:28):
Yeah.

(00:26:29):
We didn't mix it with Coke or anything.

(00:26:30):
We just drank it straight.

(00:26:31):
Yeah.

(00:26:33):
And to have a significant other drinking with and then... Unleash the crack and never forget.

(00:26:39):
Yeah.

(00:26:39):
It's very...

(00:26:42):
I am so proud of both of you being able, because usually it's only one that gets sober.

(00:26:46):
And that's why now here in the meetings,

(00:26:48):
like,

(00:26:49):
you know,

(00:26:49):
my,

(00:26:50):
my spouse,

(00:26:51):
my significant other is an active user,

(00:26:54):
you know,

(00:26:54):
and I'm always like,

(00:26:55):
like,

(00:26:55):
how do you like,

(00:26:56):
I would never be able to do that,

(00:26:57):
you know,

(00:26:57):
because I'd be like,

(00:26:58):
they'd be like,

(00:26:59):
oh,

(00:26:59):
I'm going to waste it.

(00:26:59):
I'd be like, all right, me too.

(00:27:00):
You know, like it was,

(00:27:02):
Well, he said, I mean, if you ask him, he'll say he was waiting for me to crack.

(00:27:06):
Like he said, he was like, I just got to wait out Rachel.

(00:27:09):
And she's going to say, let's go get a bottle of Jamo.

(00:27:12):
And, you know, then I will be waiting for her.

(00:27:15):
And he's like, I just have to outlast her.

(00:27:19):
And because he thought I was the problem.

(00:27:21):
There was a point where he stopped going to meetings because he's like,

(00:27:23):
I don't know that I really have a problem.

(00:27:26):
And I was like, I told my sponsor, I want to leave this man.

(00:27:30):
I can't be in the same house.

(00:27:31):
And I remember yelling at him and he laughed at it down.

(00:27:35):
And I was like, why don't you want to be happy?

(00:27:38):
Why don't you want to be free?

(00:27:40):
Why don't you want the promises?

(00:27:41):
What is wrong with you?

(00:27:43):
And I like wanted to shake him.

(00:27:44):
yeah like it's frustrating it does you receive the promises on the wall why don't

(00:27:48):
you want that life and but you can't do that no you can't every time you like again

(00:27:55):
before i had to really and this is where our marriage grew was when i finally

(00:28:00):
focused on myself but asked did you get sponsored yet did you get sponsored yet and

(00:28:05):
what step are you working what step are you on and it was none of my business and

(00:28:08):
once i started being like you know what i don't care

(00:28:11):
he said he saw a change in me that was like he it validated him so like he stayed

(00:28:17):
dry he never drank so we have the same sobriety date but then he got a sponsor and

(00:28:21):
he's worked the steps and he he's more religiously meeting his sponsor now than i

(00:28:28):
and we've kind of flipped in that way and it's that whole yeah that whole

(00:28:33):
motherhood having a kid thing so there's a difference yeah

(00:28:37):
oh my god but i'm telling you like when i can remember crying in the closet and

(00:28:41):
then yelling at him like why don't you want to be happy yes i'm like it is so

(00:28:46):
simple just work these steps get a sponsor like and i was like reading the promises

(00:28:51):
like well i guess you don't want that you don't want to regret your past you want

(00:28:54):
to just sit there and regret your past for forever calling and i'm sitting there

(00:28:58):
like am i really working my steps by doing that am i be every time i'm belittling

(00:29:03):
in judging and focusing on him, I'm taking away from time.

(00:29:07):
I can recover.

(00:29:08):
And you're building up that resentment, which is, which gets us to the bottom of the bottle.

(00:29:12):
Like,

(00:29:13):
I think that that is,

(00:29:14):
but it took time to,

(00:29:15):
and like,

(00:29:16):
when I say I was that person too,

(00:29:17):
like you had said,

(00:29:19):
reaching out to my sponsor,

(00:29:20):
probably a little more than what even sponsors have reached out to me.

(00:29:24):
Cause I was living with him.

(00:29:26):
And then I would have the fear of like, what if he does come home and drink?

(00:29:29):
Like,

(00:29:31):
do i just take out evan and it's like a scene from a movie it's like i'll never see

(00:29:34):
you again slam the door and slam the door swing swing your hair as you're walking

(00:29:40):
out of the door i was so dramatic with all my thoughts and now i'm like i don't

(00:29:47):
really think about it till it happens i'm pretty much like am i in that moment yet

(00:29:52):
no i'm not gonna let my my fear run my

(00:29:57):
fantasy of like what like I really fear is just diminished and that's like

(00:30:01):
something alcohol was like fuel to the fire it was like let's make this fear bigger

(00:30:06):
and bigger and bigger until it explodes and now I sound like a crazy person yeah

(00:30:10):
you're drunk filing your high school boyfriend being like you know why I hate you

(00:30:15):
it's like

(00:30:16):
Yeah.

(00:30:16):
Did you actually ever really love me or were your bags packed the entire time?

(00:30:20):
Like, yeah.

(00:30:21):
It's like, yeah, you start building those.

(00:30:22):
I mean, I build those fantasies anyway.

(00:30:24):
I build those fantasies sober.

(00:30:26):
You probably even more, more lucidly.

(00:30:28):
Oh, you know, building up them easier though.

(00:30:30):
You can say, Hey, let it go.

(00:30:34):
Give it to God.

(00:30:35):
I think about it later.

(00:30:36):
Like,

(00:30:37):
again in god very fluid word i don't think of it as like the church god that people

(00:30:43):
have grown up with i think of i say can you hand this it's too big for me hold it

(00:30:48):
hold on to it for letting go letting god that's one of my favorites letting go and

(00:30:52):
letting god it's like with anything like the the person in front of you that's

(00:30:56):
paying at the supermarket with all pennies let it go let it go you know pennies

(00:31:01):
anymore bro yeah just kidding exactly

(00:31:04):
No, it's so true.

(00:31:05):
And then that, it's always like the letting go and then always my yets.

(00:31:09):
My yets are a big one.

(00:31:11):
Yeah, okay, I didn't go, I didn't get a DWI yet.

(00:31:15):
I didn't, I'm not homeless yet.

(00:31:17):
I'm not living.

(00:31:18):
I'm not divorced yet.

(00:31:20):
Yeah, yeah.

(00:31:21):
I'm just kidding.

(00:31:22):
No, no, no.

(00:31:23):
We actually,

(00:31:23):
like I said,

(00:31:24):
it's,

(00:31:24):
it's really hard to,

(00:31:26):
I think it's hard not to have a good marriage if you're both practicing your

(00:31:30):
program,

(00:31:31):
because if you're individually working 12 steps,

(00:31:34):
right.

(00:31:34):
And there's really anytime we have, like we share it with each other.

(00:31:39):
And now, I mean, we really don't have too many.

(00:31:42):
Like once we did, it's almost like we did a marriage fourth and fifth step, if you will.

(00:31:47):
And since then it's,

(00:31:50):
Anything that's bugging me, I know is a me problem.

(00:31:52):
And really,

(00:31:53):
It's so crazy.

(00:31:54):
It's like, it's crazy.

(00:31:55):
I wish more couples,

(00:31:57):
even if they didn't have a drinking problem or addiction,

(00:32:00):
like that's why I think we're lucky that we're alcoholics because otherwise we

(00:32:04):
would have never had this good of a marriage.

(00:32:06):
Like there's just no way if we were not addicts that almost destroyed our life that

(00:32:10):
we would actually have this great marriage.

(00:32:13):
I mean, I'm not married.

(00:32:14):
I've never been married.

(00:32:15):
I've been in an awesome relationship.

(00:32:17):
Relationships even.

(00:32:18):
It doesn't matter.

(00:32:19):
Yeah.

(00:32:20):
And it's, it's always that.

(00:32:21):
And friendships.

(00:32:22):
Yeah, friendships too.

(00:32:24):
If you let that sink in, you don't do that step four.

(00:32:27):
You don't face it.

(00:32:28):
You don't do that.

(00:32:30):
And it's always like my sponsor would already say,

(00:32:31):
it's like it's human being practice,

(00:32:33):
like doing the 12 steps because you're not supposed to keep that bottled up because

(00:32:36):
then it blows up and then that could manifest into a divorce.

(00:32:39):
It could manifest into domestic violence.

(00:32:41):
It could manifest into a lot of bad things or even just going back out.

(00:32:46):
And when you practice that human being a human,

(00:32:49):
Hey, listen, Rachel, you're pissing me off.

(00:32:51):
What, why did you do that?

(00:32:53):
Or, um, you know, your husband goes, it's like, most of the time I don't know.

(00:32:56):
I'm like, I had no idea.

(00:32:57):
I felt like most people don't know.

(00:32:59):
Most people don't know that you're,

(00:33:00):
that you smell bad or that,

(00:33:02):
like,

(00:33:02):
you know,

(00:33:02):
you're annoying someone by breathing the way when,

(00:33:04):
when you're,

(00:33:05):
yeah.

(00:33:05):
Like, Oh my God, that's another one.

(00:33:07):
Yeah.

(00:33:07):
The chewing.

(00:33:08):
Oh man.

(00:33:09):
Like, yeah.

(00:33:09):
I can't, I eat by myself.

(00:33:11):
I don't go to the, I don't go to the staff lounge because of that.

(00:33:16):
I literally, I'm like, how do you live with yourself?

(00:33:18):
Yeah.

(00:33:19):
yeah exactly yeah but he's just like sorry i'm like let's drink a smoothie it's

(00:33:28):
funny because i've actually been through my life i've been complimented they're

(00:33:31):
like yo are you breathing over there i'm like what they're like it's you're so

(00:33:34):
quiet and i'm like yeah because other people that are allowed and sitting there

(00:33:38):
annoyed the hell out of me

(00:33:41):
My poor husband.

(00:33:42):
But he knows it's a me thing.

(00:33:44):
I told him, I'm like, it has nothing to do with him.

(00:33:47):
It's not him specifically.

(00:33:49):
It is just in general.

(00:33:50):
And most of the time, there are solutions.

(00:33:52):
We can put TV or music on in the background.

(00:33:55):
That solves it.

(00:33:56):
Or I can leave the room.

(00:33:57):
He can leave the room.

(00:33:58):
Or sometimes now we just laugh about it because it's so ridiculous.

(00:34:02):
How many couples?

(00:34:03):
I'd probably say there's definitely a 75% chance that

(00:34:08):
couples don't do that they'll just sit there and get annoyed and get annoyed and

(00:34:11):
finally like you know the husband or wife drops a book or breaks a dish and all of

(00:34:16):
that energy that you had that's what used to happen yes that's what used to happen

(00:34:20):
now when we drank and colin was the one that would not share and something would

(00:34:25):
break or i or like i threw something because i was a thrower and then he would

(00:34:31):
bubble bubble bubble burst and we would just have one really big argument yeah

(00:34:36):
It was terrible.

(00:34:36):
It was we that doesn't really happen.

(00:34:40):
That's awesome.

(00:34:40):
It doesn't happen at all.

(00:34:42):
I actually, I don't have any big arguments with my friends either.

(00:34:45):
Like,

(00:34:45):
it's not even just marriage,

(00:34:47):
but like,

(00:34:48):
again,

(00:34:48):
as long as I'm like practicing these principles in all my affairs.

(00:34:53):
And of course, I'm not perfect.

(00:34:55):
Like, I still can raise my voice or get aggravated more easily.

(00:34:59):
We all have feelings.

(00:35:00):
It's like, just because you go to AA and you're sober, that's what a lot of people think.

(00:35:02):
It's like, oh, I'm sober now.

(00:35:04):
I shouldn't feel mad.

(00:35:05):
But I don't grow things anymore.

(00:35:07):
I don't like that was the alcohol.

(00:35:10):
That was where like the alcohol was like,

(00:35:13):
hey,

(00:35:13):
we're going to get something that like,

(00:35:15):
really,

(00:35:15):
it shouldn't be that upsetting.

(00:35:17):
And I'm going to like, I'm going to blow this shit up.

(00:35:22):
And it is it is like I get it.

(00:35:24):
And then the drink is like, we're going to do some crazy shit.

(00:35:27):
Yeah, no, and I relate to you there.

(00:35:29):
Like,

(00:35:30):
obviously,

(00:35:30):
it wasn't in a marriage,

(00:35:32):
but there would be times that just everything in my normal life was just bad,

(00:35:35):
bad,

(00:35:36):
bad.

(00:35:36):
And literally, I would go to the bar and look for a fight.

(00:35:40):
Like, yeah, oh, my God.

(00:35:42):
Yeah, and I got into a lot of bar fights.

(00:35:44):
I could see a couple of teeth are fake.

(00:35:46):
You know, like, I've messed myself up.

(00:35:48):
And I've broken my nose.

(00:35:49):
Yeah, like, and it's all because I was angry at something else.

(00:35:53):
And then I went, I wanted to go just take it out.

(00:35:55):
And then you wake up and you're like,

(00:35:57):
What did I do?

(00:35:59):
And now I have to go to work, the thing that made me stress out.

(00:36:02):
Now I have to drink more because I got to figure out how he's out.

(00:36:05):
I remember I hid Colin's phone when I was super angry.

(00:36:10):
I don't even remember about what.

(00:36:12):
And I got so drunk and I couldn't remember where I hid it.

(00:36:16):
And so I was like, my idea was I had to get drunk again.

(00:36:19):
So drunk Rachel could appear to find it because drunk Rachel would know.

(00:36:23):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, that sentence in itself is like what insanity is.

(00:36:30):
And we didn't find it for four days.

(00:36:31):
He ended up getting a new phone and we found it.

(00:36:33):
I hid it in my, in my son's bathroom dresser in like, in like the back of the drawer.

(00:36:39):
And I was like, huh?

(00:36:41):
And I turned it off, of course.

(00:36:42):
And I turned off, find my iPhones.

(00:36:44):
We couldn't find it.

(00:36:44):
I mean, I was, and those are things where,

(00:36:48):
red flag but we that was just normal for me i would hide stuff all the time when i

(00:36:53):
got angry and and you had a guest on recently she was talking about smoking dabs

(00:36:58):
and like throwing up all over the place and being like oh well man i i didn't do

(00:37:02):
that right let me go do it again and that's like the insanity that was me all the

(00:37:06):
time i'm like man i only got through 25 of the 30 of beers in that case man i gotta

(00:37:11):
go to 30 today because i you know i dropped to 25.

(00:37:14):
Who thinks like that?

(00:37:15):
Or, oh, man, I lost the fight in the bar last night.

(00:37:18):
Man, I got to go home and get more wasted because of that.

(00:37:23):
It's the insanity.

(00:37:24):
It's the repeating the same thing and expecting a different result.

(00:37:29):
But back to your point,

(00:37:30):
too,

(00:37:31):
is that that might have been what saved you and gave you that moment of that God

(00:37:35):
set moment that you didn't get that ticket.

(00:37:36):
And you realize,

(00:37:37):
like,

(00:37:38):
had all those other bar fights,

(00:37:40):
all those experiences,

(00:37:41):
all of those other car wrecks had not happened.

(00:37:44):
Like.

(00:37:45):
That might not be of what it took.

(00:37:47):
So that's where I think we full circle learn.

(00:37:49):
I don't regret the past, nor do I want to shut the door.

(00:37:53):
Had any of those things not happened, I wouldn't be right where I am right now talking with you.

(00:37:58):
Like I would not have a podcast.

(00:38:00):
I would not.

(00:38:01):
Both of us.

(00:38:01):
I would not want to either.

(00:38:02):
Yeah.

(00:38:03):
I would be, I would be on the couch right now.

(00:38:05):
on the couch right now probably getting drunk and watching netflix or something you

(00:38:07):
know like yeah and that's the insanity if i was alive exactly yes and that and

(00:38:14):
that's one of the things i always like i believe in parallel universes i feel like

(00:38:17):
there's like you know there's a there's a me and there's a you and a thousand of us

(00:38:20):
all over the place so bad for that drunk race

(00:38:22):
well that that's what i always say i'm like i'm like man i wonder what drunk

(00:38:25):
danny's doing in that universe right now not much exactly exactly exactly and it's

(00:38:32):
also like a realization too like no i like this probably i like this universe that

(00:38:36):
i'm in right now i don't want to be in that you know i don't even want to think

(00:38:39):
about that universe even though like that there's always that drunk mind it's

(00:38:42):
always like oh yeah you you could drink you two years and a half that's fine

(00:38:47):
no one will know and that was another another guest that talked about that uh they

(00:38:51):
they will never know you know if i just get drunk by myself here if i'm at my house

(00:38:55):
no one knows the liquor store the guy liquor store might know but you know that's

(00:38:59):
the gap that and that is where i know

(00:39:02):
You know,

(00:39:03):
I know all this knowing,

(00:39:04):
but that that is what I know that I would feel horrific if I did,

(00:39:08):
you know,

(00:39:09):
so not.

(00:39:10):
That's what was eating you.

(00:39:11):
And then you'd have that fourth step and that's where it builds.

(00:39:14):
And if you noticed all of the stories in the more about alcoholism,

(00:39:18):
they all talk about they each start with someone who has a resentment,

(00:39:22):
who was sober.

(00:39:23):
They all start all four stories sober and they end up taking that first drink.

(00:39:28):
Yes, it's insanity.

(00:39:32):
Yeah.

(00:39:33):
And it's I love the story with the businessman where he was like, I was fine.

(00:39:38):
I was sober.

(00:39:38):
But then I heard the people having a party inside the bar.

(00:39:43):
And he's like, No, don't go in there.

(00:39:44):
No, don't go in there.

(00:39:45):
Oh, maybe I'll just go in and talk to some people.

(00:39:47):
Or he's like, I'm just going to go in and have a sandwich.

(00:39:49):
There's no whiskey with milk.

(00:39:52):
The milk, yes.

(00:39:52):
I was thinking, as you were just about saying, I was like, something about milk is in there.

(00:39:57):
Whiskey and milk.

(00:39:57):
And he goes, oh, I've never done whiskey with milk in it.

(00:40:00):
So the resentment that he's going in is he is mad because he's driving to a job.

(00:40:06):
He's a salesman.

(00:40:07):
And he now works for...

(00:40:10):
Someone who he used to be the boss of and because he lost that due to drinking.

(00:40:14):
And so he's like, I'm on my way.

(00:40:16):
And I used to be this guy's boss.

(00:40:19):
Like, how does he think that I'm going to end up being working for him?

(00:40:22):
And so now he's resentment because he's now not the boss.

(00:40:27):
And he goes, oh, I'm going to stop in.

(00:40:28):
I need to get lunch.

(00:40:29):
Oh, well.

(00:40:31):
You have that thought of I used to be the boss.

(00:40:34):
I'm now in discomfort.

(00:40:35):
I'm not content with myself.

(00:40:37):
I'm going to get a sandwich.

(00:40:38):
And then you see whiskey.

(00:40:39):
Oh, I've never done it with milk.

(00:40:40):
Rationalization done.

(00:40:41):
Yep.

(00:40:42):
There you go.

(00:40:42):
Boom.

(00:40:43):
And that's all you need.

(00:40:43):
You need that one little.

(00:40:45):
Oh, yeah, sure.

(00:40:46):
Oh, yeah.

(00:40:46):
Yeah.

(00:40:47):
Go, go.

(00:40:47):
Yeah, that's fine.

(00:40:48):
Yeah.

(00:40:48):
The jaywalker is a big story in the treatment centers because we would take

(00:40:51):
meetings to the treatment center.

(00:40:53):
And, you know, the jaywalker hurts his arm.

(00:40:56):
Doesn't matter.

(00:40:57):
And now he runs, breaks both of his legs.

(00:41:01):
It's like, why do you keep trying to jaywalk when you keep getting hurt?

(00:41:05):
That is the setting ourselves on fire type of thing,

(00:41:08):
especially in the alcoholism or in the drug use or gambling.

(00:41:11):
I see gambling now, especially with these apps, you know, like the DraftKings and all that.

(00:41:16):
Hey, do your thing.

(00:41:17):
Do your thing.

(00:41:18):
I mean,

(00:41:18):
yeah,

(00:41:19):
if you're into that,

(00:41:20):
I love sports,

(00:41:20):
but I've never been one to like bet money because I don't understand it.

(00:41:25):
Yet people don't,

(00:41:26):
you know,

(00:41:27):
a bettor would probably be like,

(00:41:27):
yo,

(00:41:28):
you drank a bottle of Jameson by yourself.

(00:41:29):
It's like,

(00:41:30):
Yeah.

(00:41:30):
Yeah.

(00:41:31):
Yeah.

(00:41:31):
Exactly.

(00:41:31):
Yeah.

(00:41:32):
That's what that's weird to you.

(00:41:34):
You know, like they're the same.

(00:41:36):
It's all the insanity.

(00:41:37):
Yes.

(00:41:38):
And then it's like feeling.

(00:41:39):
Yes.

(00:41:39):
And it's like and I feel that sometimes.

(00:41:42):
And like sometimes you kind of like,

(00:41:43):
you know,

(00:41:43):
when you're in sobriety,

(00:41:44):
you know,

(00:41:45):
it's at the beginning,

(00:41:46):
it's kind of hard to not to tell people,

(00:41:47):
you know,

(00:41:47):
I'm so.

(00:41:47):
Yeah.

(00:41:48):
But especially like people at work, you feel like I'm the secret.

(00:41:52):
Yes, exactly.

(00:41:53):
And you want to tell people about it.

(00:41:54):
It's like, yo, you'll feel so much better if you don't have that third drink, you know?

(00:41:57):
But then you feel that you realize you can't, you don't have the power to do that.

(00:42:02):
And people don't like it.

(00:42:03):
And people will take it the wrong way.

(00:42:05):
The better way is just to be an example.

(00:42:08):
And they're going to be like, what is that guy doing?

(00:42:10):
Like, why is he so happy?

(00:42:11):
I think that's one of the big things with me.

(00:42:13):
It's, uh, number one, my face slimmed down.

(00:42:15):
Like I look at pictures of myself on Facebook from like three years ago.

(00:42:19):
I had that inflated retention.

(00:42:21):
I was a spot.

(00:42:23):
Oh yes.

(00:42:25):
You could like squeeze my cheeks and make a mixed drink out of it.

(00:42:28):
Oh, I need another shot of James.

(00:42:30):
And it's like, oh, my face isn't puffy enough.

(00:42:32):
And I can even Hollywood talk about it.

(00:42:33):
People in Hollywood talk about it.

(00:42:34):
Like,

(00:42:34):
oh,

(00:42:35):
you know,

(00:42:35):
take a couple of shots before going out on The Tonight Show because it makes your

(00:42:38):
face look nicer.

(00:42:38):
It's like, no, it doesn't, man.

(00:42:40):
That's not the way to do it.

(00:42:41):
Just get some moisturizer.

(00:42:43):
Yeah, get some moisturizer.

(00:42:43):
That's what you need.

(00:42:45):
Yes, exactly.

(00:42:46):
Exactly.

(00:42:48):
Don't say that.

(00:42:49):
It's not it's not true, guy.

(00:42:51):
It's not true.

(00:42:52):
And that and that is but that is the insanity of it.

(00:42:55):
You know,

(00:42:55):
it's and we always go back to that when you were when you finally went some stuff

(00:43:03):
from like drinking,

(00:43:04):
like,

(00:43:04):
you know,

(00:43:04):
the Jameson with your husband and all that to like the first like what were those

(00:43:08):
first few days for you?

(00:43:10):
Were you depressed or were you riding that pink cloud of that third day of not drinking?

(00:43:14):
You're like, I feel so good.

(00:43:15):
I can't.

(00:43:16):
I don't.

(00:43:17):
Well, I also have a two-year-old.

(00:43:20):
And I was a stay-at-home mom because I still say I don't think that desire chip

(00:43:24):
left my hand for probably the first week.

(00:43:27):
It could have been imprinted that I was just like...

(00:43:31):
I mean, I remember wanting a drink.

(00:43:33):
I remember texting my mom because I had that list of phone numbers,

(00:43:37):
but I did not have the courage to like reach out to some stranger,

(00:43:40):
even though they all are like on that newcomer packet.

(00:43:44):
It's like call.

(00:43:44):
I still have it.

(00:43:45):
I have it in my I have like four of them still.

(00:43:48):
Yeah,

(00:43:48):
I keep them like I think it was just really I just kept saying I can make it to the

(00:43:52):
next meeting.

(00:43:53):
Like I can make it because I would go to the 6 p.m.

(00:43:55):
My mom would come over and watch the baby.

(00:43:58):
So so I praise you so much for being a mom and getting.

(00:44:00):
So how did you do it, though?

(00:44:02):
Me?

(00:44:03):
I was horrifically depressed.

(00:44:05):
Like, I want to say that.

(00:44:06):
And I was going by that point, it wasn't even a breakup.

(00:44:09):
It was an obsession on my side.

(00:44:11):
I was obsessed with this girl.

(00:44:13):
And that obsession was like the main point of my drinking,

(00:44:17):
especially towards the end,

(00:44:18):
especially when I found that she was dating somebody else.

(00:44:20):
You know, you hear that and you're like, oh, my God.

(00:44:23):
She's gone forever.

(00:44:25):
And yeah,

(00:44:26):
so I think it was remnants of that,

(00:44:28):
but also just the point of me being depressed about,

(00:44:32):
I know I'm going to F this up.

(00:44:33):
I know that I'm like, I'm going to try to get sober.

(00:44:36):
This guy, the sponsor, he's being so nice.

(00:44:39):
He's calling me like twice a day,

(00:44:40):
making sure I'm good,

(00:44:41):
making sure what meeting I'm going to and everything.

(00:44:43):
And I love that.

(00:44:44):
However, I was like, man, I'm going to let this guy down.

(00:44:47):
I'm going to let my friend from college down.

(00:44:49):
I'm going to let my family down.

(00:44:51):
It's a depression.

(00:44:51):
That's the depression.

(00:44:53):
Yeah.

(00:44:54):
So exactly.

(00:44:55):
So I had been going to, um, a mental health counselor for about two years before I got sober.

(00:45:02):
I went,

(00:45:02):
um,

(00:45:03):
so I,

(00:45:03):
I,

(00:45:04):
I was at the finish line in 2013 at the Boston marathon when they bombed it.

(00:45:09):
And, um, I actually went, yeah, I wound up doing CPR on the Asian, um,

(00:45:14):
the Asian exchange student that passed away.

(00:45:19):
And that was drilled in my head for about a year without not talking to anyone about it.

(00:45:23):
Everyone knew that something was wrong with Danny,

(00:45:25):
but no one really,

(00:45:26):
because I was with coworkers at the finish line.

(00:45:30):
So when I was messed up and I got a psychiatrist, the hospital actually provided a psychiatrist

(00:45:38):
And she wound up being awesome and it worked out really well.

(00:45:42):
And then like, you know, I got better.

(00:45:43):
I was fine.

(00:45:44):
All right, cool.

(00:45:45):
I maybe got like eight months of sobriety in that time.

(00:45:48):
I did not touch a mental health counselor or a psychiatrist for almost six,

(00:45:52):
seven years after that.

(00:45:54):
And then finally,

(00:45:55):
when I was going to him,

(00:45:57):
but,

(00:45:57):
you know,

(00:45:58):
I was still drinking,

(00:45:58):
but telling him I wasn't.

(00:45:59):
Oh, I didn't drink today.

(00:46:01):
And sometimes I'd even be so hungover in there.

(00:46:03):
Yeah.

(00:46:04):
And like you, you lie, you get really good at lying.

(00:46:06):
That's always the stupid power.

(00:46:09):
Yeah.

(00:46:09):
Oh, oh, big time.

(00:46:10):
Oh, you weren't that drunk last night.

(00:46:13):
Then you get phone calls like, yeah, dude, you were pretty wasted last night.

(00:46:15):
You know,

(00:46:16):
like it becomes like a compulsive lie that it's like you don't even understand that

(00:46:19):
you're lying at that point.

(00:46:21):
Like that's how it was for me anyway.

(00:46:23):
No, no, no.

(00:46:23):
It is because it's your truth and you don't think you're lying because you're

(00:46:26):
expressing your truth,

(00:46:28):
even though everybody else in the bar was like,

(00:46:29):
no,

(00:46:29):
that's not the truth.

(00:46:31):
You were you were doing cartwheels without your shirt on.

(00:46:33):
It's like, what?

(00:46:35):
What?

(00:46:35):
Really?

(00:46:36):
We literally have the video if you'd like to see it.

(00:46:38):
And I'm like, that's how it happened.

(00:46:40):
Yeah,

(00:46:40):
that's the best thing,

(00:46:41):
because I like I feel like when iPhones came out,

(00:46:43):
I was getting tamer in my 30s.

(00:46:45):
So it was there's not videos of me, but Jesus.

(00:46:48):
When I got the mental, when I got sober and I was I'm a big note taker.

(00:46:53):
I'm really I love like,

(00:46:54):
you know,

(00:46:55):
especially if I'm in the meeting or I'm not even in a meeting and I like my

(00:47:00):
counselor counseling session.

(00:47:02):
I write that I fold a paper and four and have like a little bit of writing.

(00:47:06):
And I had all these,

(00:47:07):
all this chicken scratch for years,

(00:47:09):
for those two years that I was going to him and lying the whole time.

(00:47:12):
But there was such golden stuff in there.

(00:47:14):
So I want to say like that first week I was like binge eating,

(00:47:18):
you know,

(00:47:18):
I was like,

(00:47:18):
you know,

(00:47:19):
like a Big Mac will help,

(00:47:20):
you know,

(00:47:21):
and.

(00:47:22):
Or five.

(00:47:22):
Yeah, exactly.

(00:47:23):
Exactly.

(00:47:24):
And it was, it was that, it was that.

(00:47:26):
And then finally I started like reading back those notes.

(00:47:29):
Once again, a godsend, you know, like one of those, like, man, why am I writing this down?

(00:47:33):
You know, it's like almost like a parallel universe telling you to, you know,

(00:47:35):
Write this stuff down.

(00:47:36):
You know, you're going to use it.

(00:47:37):
You're going to you're going to use it.

(00:47:39):
Yeah.

(00:47:39):
Yeah.

(00:47:40):
And then and literally I went back to that and then boom, it all started making sense.

(00:47:46):
It all like all this all like the this.

(00:47:49):
What is it?

(00:47:50):
What's the word?

(00:47:52):
personal development the personal development stuff that my mental health counselor

(00:47:56):
taught me though at those first two years that i wouldn't listen to but wrote down

(00:48:00):
all that started making sense like wow like within the first week people were like

(00:48:05):
um my two friends that i speak to all the time they were like dude yeah you you

(00:48:09):
sound sober this is the first time i've heard you talk normal to me in months and

(00:48:13):
i'd be like yeah yeah

(00:48:14):
And I was like kind of like almost post pandemic where like everyone we saw and

(00:48:18):
really seen a lot of people face forward,

(00:48:20):
especially me because I worked in health care.

(00:48:22):
No one wanted to see me.

(00:48:23):
But the the that translation, I was like, oh, OK, maybe that does work.

(00:48:29):
OK, maybe this is working.

(00:48:31):
And then going back to the personal development of being like, hey, you do better.

(00:48:35):
You look better.

(00:48:36):
You feel better when you're working out.

(00:48:38):
you look better you feel better when you're not drinking you look better you feel

(00:48:43):
better if you're not binge eat i'm a i love fast i still love fast food i saw a

(00:48:47):
psychiatrist pre-sobriety and post-sobriety and me too yeah um big and obviously i

(00:48:54):
lied i think i read my intake form and i was like jesus christ like i was like i i

(00:49:01):
had said like

(00:49:03):
I have three shots of whiskey before the baby goes to bed.

(00:49:08):
And then I have a couple of glasses of wine after the baby's asleep.

(00:49:10):
And I was like, where did no one red flag me?

(00:49:14):
Like who has shots of Jameson and then ends the night with some wine?

(00:49:20):
I love that you bring up Jameson.

(00:49:21):
That was my last shot when I told you when I was at that bar on the bad date.

(00:49:25):
I have a picture of it.

(00:49:26):
I have a picture of the tall boy.

(00:49:27):
It's a craft beer up here.

(00:49:29):
It's called the Lord Hobo.

(00:49:31):
Really, really good Massachusetts.

(00:49:33):
And that's one thing I will say.

(00:49:34):
Craft beers, Jesus, they're like a million calories.

(00:49:38):
But that was my ending.

(00:49:39):
That was because I was like, Jesus, these beers are like a 3,000%.

(00:49:43):
Like, what am I doing?

(00:49:45):
And then in the white... You texted the craft too, yeah, yeah.

(00:49:47):
Yeah, and then also like the white claws because they were easy to go down.

(00:49:51):
And the last girl that I dated loved those.

(00:49:54):
So I got into those and then boom, when that Jameson shot, I still have it.

(00:49:59):
It's like a tall boy of Lord Hobo and then a shot of Jameson.

(00:50:03):
And it's like, as soon as you said Jameson, I still have it in my camera.

(00:50:07):
That was my last drink.

(00:50:09):
Yeah, that was my last drink.

(00:50:10):
And I'm so happy that even in a blacked out moment,

(00:50:12):
I took a picture of my last drink because that is intense to think that

(00:50:17):
Man, that I can't believe you didn't know how significant that picture.

(00:50:20):
I didn't know my last drink would be my last drink.

(00:50:22):
So I didn't take a picture.

(00:50:23):
I still remember it, though.

(00:50:25):
Like, I mean, I will never forget like that.

(00:50:28):
just that moment of like couldn't do it anymore being drunk at the zoo um oh yes i

(00:50:34):
did that once yeah then it was yeah it's uh but j and we almost named evan was

(00:50:42):
jameson was the other name we had really good that's how we got here we were drunk

(00:50:45):
on jameson when we found out like i mean oh yeah literally our lives ran around

(00:50:50):
alcohol and i'm thankful for

(00:50:53):
He looked like an Evan.

(00:50:55):
He's Evan.

(00:50:56):
Because I don't know how it would be sober with,

(00:50:59):
like,

(00:50:59):
oh,

(00:51:00):
yeah,

(00:51:00):
well,

(00:51:00):
did you name your son Jameson?

(00:51:03):
Or how much you loved it?

(00:51:04):
Because that's what we almost did.

(00:51:07):
Yeah.

(00:51:08):
It's insane the way, like, how our habits, like, creep into other stuff.

(00:51:12):
I wish I had a picture.

(00:51:13):
I think that's really,

(00:51:14):
really cool that you're,

(00:51:15):
like,

(00:51:15):
and it's very...

(00:51:16):
Yeah,

(00:51:18):
I just,

(00:51:19):
I didn't know my life.

(00:51:20):
I still remember it, but...

(00:51:22):
I think it had to be that way.

(00:51:23):
Like if I would have tried to make it this like goodbye,

(00:51:27):
which I tried many times to be like,

(00:51:29):
this is a perfect last meal,

(00:51:32):
last drink.

(00:51:33):
And it would be so glorified.

(00:51:36):
And then the next day it's like,

(00:51:39):
I'm not ready to let it go.

(00:51:40):
We build it to what it's not.

(00:51:41):
It's not really like that.

(00:51:43):
And like, I think back to my drinking and it was really, the moments were not that great.

(00:51:49):
You know, it was the idea of the whining and dining and like,

(00:51:55):
High end shots.

(00:51:57):
You know, that's not how it looked.

(00:51:58):
I was sloppy.

(00:51:59):
I forgot the night.

(00:52:00):
And most of the times I said it a bunch of stuff that I really wish I hadn't said.

(00:52:05):
Yeah.

(00:52:05):
Or are you like you're being calmed down because you're being loud and drunk and

(00:52:08):
you know,

(00:52:09):
but,

(00:52:09):
oh,

(00:52:09):
I had a great time.

(00:52:10):
Oh, last night was so much fun.

(00:52:11):
And then like, there's like,

(00:52:13):
yeah i don't know about fun but i'm so i'm sorry for all the embarrassing shit i

(00:52:18):
said and i'm that loud guy even even now like talking here i feel like i'm like i'm

(00:52:24):
like equilatering you um i was always that guy like as soon as like the the beer

(00:52:29):
hit the lips it was like yo what's the deal start freestyle rapping and like yeah

(00:52:34):
oh my god and that was a lot of times why people wanted to start fights with me

(00:52:37):
because I was just being obnoxious you know and and but I thought I always thought

(00:52:42):
yo I am the coolest person drunk you want people want to get my friend yeah

(00:52:46):
everyone wants it oh I had like three I had three girls talking to me last and I

(00:52:50):
got two numbers

(00:52:51):
i'm not doing anything wrong when like you know they definitely gave me the wrong

(00:52:54):
number or they gave me a number with like eight digits you know it's like oh my god

(00:52:58):
it's once again the insanity but yeah i that was my obsession with drinking was i

(00:53:04):
thought i was the coolest guy in the room only if i was drunk because if i'm not

(00:53:07):
drunk i'm a nerd who you know went to school has a great job pays all his bills but

(00:53:14):
i'm terrible quality horrific who

(00:53:17):
Who wants to marry a guy like that?

(00:53:18):
You know,

(00:53:19):
disease telling you're not good enough,

(00:53:22):
which he totally,

(00:53:23):
you know,

(00:53:24):
and in sobriety,

(00:53:25):
at least the more time I've spent,

(00:53:27):
it's I get to know who I actually am.

(00:53:29):
And I learned that I actually like myself a lot more than what that alcohol used to

(00:53:35):
tell me how terrible or how ruined.

(00:53:38):
crazy bat shit is another word i used to use like you're such a piece of shit that

(00:53:45):
you need me the alcohol you need me the alcohol to make you a better person and

(00:53:49):
that is you know that is such a tunnel down like the darkness you know and that was

(00:53:53):
me every day for all those years the alcohol told me that why the alcohol was like

(00:53:57):
you suck without me

(00:53:59):
yes boom and really exactly that exactly it sucks with it like it it was the the

(00:54:07):
devil that was really pulling me down and it took time and like you asked about the

(00:54:13):
beginning i don't i i remember wanting it i don't really remember when i stopped

(00:54:21):
wanting it or stopped thinking about it they talk about in aa that neutrality is

(00:54:26):
you're just like

(00:54:28):
You're not for it.

(00:54:28):
You're not against it.

(00:54:29):
You don't crave it.

(00:54:30):
You don't want it.

(00:54:32):
You pull away like a hot flame.

(00:54:34):
And I can't really tell you when it happens.

(00:54:38):
It's kind of like when you just keep doing it till it happens.

(00:54:43):
And the minute you stop thinking about it, it's like, oh my God, it's happening.

(00:54:48):
And then you turn around and now you get to tell someone else about it and it only

(00:54:53):
strengthens what you're doing.

(00:54:55):
And that's kind of the whole program.

(00:54:57):
Yeah.

(00:54:57):
And that's,

(00:54:58):
and that was,

(00:54:59):
um,

(00:54:59):
when you were saying that I,

(00:55:01):
I remembered in about,

(00:55:02):
so I got sober in August and then it was one of my best friend's weddings.

(00:55:06):
I think that November and,

(00:55:07):
you know,

(00:55:08):
it was only four or five months over my,

(00:55:10):
my sponsor was like,

(00:55:10):
yeah.

(00:55:12):
And that, and I was part of the wedding party.

(00:55:13):
So I was one of his groomsmen.

(00:55:15):
So,

(00:55:15):
you know,

(00:55:15):
like you've been to weddings,

(00:55:16):
you know,

(00:55:16):
when you're part of the wedding party,

(00:55:17):
you'd be like basically a little celebrity in that,

(00:55:19):
you know,

(00:55:20):
reception.

(00:55:21):
Yeah.

(00:55:21):
Yeah.

(00:55:23):
And, and, and honestly, up until, up until this wedding, this was my first sober wedding.

(00:55:27):
It was kind of like that too.

(00:55:28):
I'd always be,

(00:55:29):
I'd always behave myself,

(00:55:30):
you know,

(00:55:30):
with,

(00:55:31):
for like the ceremony and the pictures and make sure that I make myself look good

(00:55:34):
because I don't want,

(00:55:34):
I want to still look good.

(00:55:36):
But yeah,

(00:55:36):
I was always that guy in the pictures later on,

(00:55:38):
like,

(00:55:38):
you know,

(00:55:38):
holding up like the empty champagne bottle and all that.

(00:55:41):
I didn't make it in the pictures.

(00:55:43):
They cut those eyes are too crooked.

(00:55:47):
I was overweight too.

(00:55:50):
It's always,

(00:55:51):
and then that first wedding when I went sober and I had my numbers ready and my

(00:55:55):
sponsor was ready.

(00:55:56):
He's like, don't worry about it.

(00:55:57):
We got you.

(00:55:58):
We got you.

(00:55:59):
I went to a meeting in New York and then that was the thing is when I was there at

(00:56:02):
the wedding and I was like seeing everybody else drunk and then seeing the fights,

(00:56:07):
the little quarrels that people have when they're at the bar,

(00:56:09):
they're arguing about the New York Giants.

(00:56:11):
Next thing you know, it's like they're digging into stuff from high school.

(00:56:14):
I was sitting back and I was like,

(00:56:16):
oh wow I'm not part of like no one's mad at me right now yeah no one's mad at me

(00:56:22):
yes exactly and I was like and that was my moment that's my realization at that

(00:56:28):
wedding when I was like okay I'm not the guy that got cut off at the bar one of my

(00:56:31):
friends got cut off at the after party one of them I was hanging out with the wives

(00:56:36):
and that was one of the first times I ever hung out with the wives because the

(00:56:38):
wives kind of I wouldn't say hated me but I was the drunk friend you know like a

(00:56:41):
drunk unmarried friend and they have kids and stuff

(00:56:45):
Yeah, exactly.

(00:56:47):
I,

(00:56:48):
I was hanging out with them and they were like,

(00:56:50):
Oh my God,

(00:56:50):
Danny,

(00:56:50):
this is your,

(00:56:51):
this is not,

(00:56:52):
this is not the Danny I've known for the last 15 years.

(00:56:54):
And I'm like,

(00:56:55):
I'm like,

(00:56:55):
yeah,

(00:56:55):
you know,

(00:56:55):
the sobriety that,

(00:56:56):
you know,

(00:56:57):
cause I didn't want to vocalize like being sober at a wedding,

(00:56:59):
you know?

(00:57:00):
And yeah, that was my realization of being like,

(00:57:03):
I'm not part of the drunk crowd and I kind of like it, you know, it's.

(00:57:07):
Oh my God.

(00:57:08):
And I don't know about you,

(00:57:08):
but the first sober wedding I went to and I same,

(00:57:12):
actually it was,

(00:57:13):
um,

(00:57:14):
I was doing a,

(00:57:15):
uh,

(00:57:15):
girl,

(00:57:16):
a palooza that they had here in Dallas.

(00:57:18):
It's like a, a women's, uh, AA conference.

(00:57:20):
Cool.

(00:57:21):
And I did that during the day and had the wedding first one.

(00:57:24):
And I was like, Oh my God, what if I want to drink?

(00:57:26):
Like, yeah.

(00:57:27):
And then there's at this wedding,

(00:57:29):
because at that point I wasn't like completely I was I didn't really want alcohol,

(00:57:34):
but I'd never been at a wedding and it was a drinking wedding.

(00:57:38):
And I just remember how much I enjoyed being like watching the actual wedding and

(00:57:45):
like watching my two friends get married that like and watch the vows like.

(00:57:49):
I'd never been like.

(00:57:52):
Before,

(00:57:53):
it had always been about the drinking or making sure I'm not too drunk or I'm not

(00:57:57):
drunk enough.

(00:57:57):
And I'm more so worried about myself.

(00:58:00):
I didn't watch the wedding.

(00:58:01):
And my first time in sobriety, it was like, this is beautiful.

(00:58:04):
It is.

(00:58:05):
It is.

(00:58:06):
Yes.

(00:58:07):
Weddings are.

(00:58:08):
They really, really are.

(00:58:09):
Awesome.

(00:58:09):
And I feel badly for all the ones I wasn't present for because I can tell you,

(00:58:14):
I don't think I really understood or really listened to

(00:58:18):
Or watched the wedding.

(00:58:20):
And thankfully, it was at the Arboretum.

(00:58:22):
It was beautiful.

(00:58:23):
I just felt like it was the first time I was able to be comfortable in my own skin,

(00:58:30):
be fully present.

(00:58:32):
And I didn't even want to drink.

(00:58:33):
It didn't look good.

(00:58:34):
And I also noticed people weren't really drinking as much as what I would have been.

(00:58:38):
I was the wild card.

(00:58:41):
Yes.

(00:58:42):
And that's what you realize.

(00:58:43):
You're always like, Oh, I'm not the drunkest here.

(00:58:45):
But then when you're not the drunk one,

(00:58:46):
you're like,

(00:58:47):
man,

(00:58:47):
I would be the drunkest here right now.

(00:58:49):
Like everyone's like, we want to get remarried and we want to do like a vow.

(00:58:54):
And we want to do it because I don't think that we looked at the wedding,

(00:58:58):
like how we do in sobriety.

(00:59:00):
It's like,

(00:59:02):
we want to be present.

(00:59:03):
And I know before it was very rushed.

(00:59:05):
It was, I was pregnant.

(00:59:07):
So technically I was sober, but that was the hardest I had fought not to drink.

(00:59:11):
I wanted Jameson's so badly.

(00:59:12):
And I, I almost did, but I didn't do it because I knew I wanted.

(00:59:16):
I worked in the delivery room for two years and I see what you women go through for birth.

(00:59:21):
I I'm like, why in my head, I would always be like, how are you not allowed to drink?

(00:59:26):
No, no, we had Jameson's in the delivery.

(00:59:28):
Like I had that after.

(00:59:30):
But it's so scary.

(00:59:31):
I can't even imagine.

(00:59:33):
But it was,

(00:59:35):
yeah,

(00:59:36):
weddings or any really events that I used to get invited to that I would just look

(00:59:41):
at party after.

(00:59:43):
Now I'm like,

(00:59:45):
I want people to come to our vow renewal and I know that they're going to be there

(00:59:48):
for our vows to watch us renew and not just for a party.

(00:59:53):
Cause I think before I was very shallow in the fact of like what's in it for me.

(00:59:58):
And like the beautiful gift of that first sober wedding was like,

(01:00:02):
Oh my God,

(01:00:03):
it was really,

(01:00:04):
we felt lucky to be a part of what,

(01:00:06):
like just being allowed to watch or witness it.

(01:00:09):
It was like,

(01:00:10):
Didn't care as much about the after part as like I'm like the wedding part.

(01:00:15):
You know what I mean?

(01:00:16):
The drunkenness would overshadow everything else.

(01:00:19):
Like I remember.

(01:00:20):
Yeah, I was.

(01:00:20):
Oh, my God.

(01:00:21):
I'll never forget this.

(01:00:21):
I was at my little sister's high school graduation.

(01:00:24):
I was two years into college already.

(01:00:26):
It was a Sunday.

(01:00:26):
I know it was like I think like a Saturday.

(01:00:29):
I had gotten wrecked that Friday all night in New York and Manhattan.

(01:00:33):
with my new york friends because that's where everybody lives um and then like got

(01:00:37):
home at like three in the morning and then went to her graduation at like nine in

(01:00:40):
the morning like wrecked and you're not enjoying it no oh my god i couldn't wait to

(01:00:43):
leave i was like oh just and and like it's so selfish you know it's it's nuts and

(01:00:48):
then even my uh my sister's wedding um she i i was out to like five and i went to a

(01:00:54):
yankee game the night before and then wound up getting trashed over because it's uh

(01:00:58):
that was the new yankees that was at the year that they made the new yankee stadium

(01:01:01):
and they made a bunch of bars and clubs and

(01:01:03):
It was beautiful.

(01:01:04):
It was awesome.

(01:01:04):
It was a great night out.

(01:01:05):
But once again, blacked out, woke up on alcohol.

(01:01:08):
Yeah, the suit on and they went to my sister's wedding.

(01:01:10):
And and it's like, oh, my God, when I look back on that, it's like you're so selfish.

(01:01:16):
You're like you're not.

(01:01:17):
I wasn't taking my inventory.

(01:01:19):
You see you see all the stuff pop in your head.

(01:01:21):
You're like, oh, you didn't do this.

(01:01:22):
You weren't, you know, like caring for other people.

(01:01:24):
You know, you're being so selfish.

(01:01:26):
You're edging God out.

(01:01:28):
and that and that is always the conclusion that I draw to myself it's like you have

(01:01:31):
to remember that like yeah you were functional and people loved that you were there

(01:01:35):
but people love you so much more when you're present like you stated yeah and how I

(01:01:39):
felt and now I'm like my amend is like I don't ever want to do that again I don't

(01:01:44):
ever want to go to a wedding and not be as present as possible you know and like of

(01:01:50):
course that's again what puts like

(01:01:55):
the the part of what amazing is like not drinking you know like the full circle of

(01:02:02):
we talk about it and we can talk about all these crazy yeah fun not fun times and

(01:02:09):
you get to just like really appreciate the moments that i'm sure most people don't

(01:02:14):
really think about no and and that and that is because we were at such a bottom

(01:02:19):
Yeah.

(01:02:19):
And that's because we were at such a bottom that now,

(01:02:21):
you know,

(01:02:22):
even seeing a little kid laugh in the supermarket makes you happy.

(01:02:25):
It's like, oh, my God, it's so great.

(01:02:27):
You know, it's perfect.

(01:02:28):
It's perfect.

(01:02:29):
It's pure.

(01:02:29):
It's joy.

(01:02:30):
It's it's not manipulated.

(01:02:33):
You know, that's what it is.

(01:02:34):
Yes.

(01:02:35):
What I wanted to ask was, do you agree with the group therapy part of AA?

(01:02:43):
That's one of the things I feel like it gets lost in people sometimes.

(01:02:46):
Like, oh, I don't like to go to AA.

(01:02:47):
It's like, no, it's like, yes, okay, you could whatever.

(01:02:50):
You call yourself an alcoholic or think maybe you don't have a problem or you're

(01:02:53):
there because a judge tells you to do it.

(01:02:55):
But there is such a,

(01:02:56):
the one thing I never realized,

(01:02:58):
because I always thought one-on-one psychology,

(01:03:00):
you know,

(01:03:00):
me lay on the couch,

(01:03:01):
just your typical Freudian,

(01:03:02):
you know,

(01:03:03):
painting that you see.

(01:03:04):
I don't like Freudian.

(01:03:06):
Yeah.

(01:03:06):
Well, okay.

(01:03:07):
I'll use a psychologist.

(01:03:08):
No, I'm kidding.

(01:03:09):
I mean, there's, Freud just had a lot of extreme.

(01:03:12):
Oh, yeah, of course.

(01:03:13):
Outside of the therapy.

(01:03:14):
Like, I'm getting my bachelor's in psychology.

(01:03:17):
Oh, beautiful.

(01:03:18):
Nice.

(01:03:18):
Beautiful.

(01:03:19):
I'm like,

(01:03:19):
Freud is one of the,

(01:03:20):
like,

(01:03:21):
his whole theory is on,

(01:03:22):
like,

(01:03:22):
mother and your stages,

(01:03:24):
the nine stages of growing up.

(01:03:25):
And, like, there's, he did set the, he made counseling the way that it is today possible.

(01:03:31):
He definitely broke the barrier.

(01:03:33):
But beyond that, I mean.

(01:03:35):
I think it's always like the guy with the beard sitting with like a pad,

(01:03:41):
you know,

(01:03:41):
and that's always.

(01:03:42):
Well, and his style is that you were backwards.

(01:03:44):
So he didn't see you.

(01:03:45):
You didn't see him.

(01:03:46):
Yeah.

(01:03:46):
And I think the face to face is exactly what you do need in therapy,

(01:03:50):
you know,

(01:03:51):
because you need that connection.

(01:03:52):
You need to have that trust with,

(01:03:54):
you know,

(01:03:54):
because I've heard a lot of people like,

(01:03:55):
you know,

(01:03:56):
even me,

(01:03:57):
I didn't trust my psychologist or my psychiatrist enough that first time because

(01:04:00):
I'm like,

(01:04:01):
yo,

(01:04:01):
she's going to get me committed.

(01:04:02):
She's going, you know, she's going to sell it to the hospital.

(01:04:04):
So I can't tell her everything when with this, with my new counselor.

(01:04:09):
Yeah.

(01:04:10):
Yeah.

(01:04:11):
Yeah.

(01:04:11):
I was Jesus.

(01:04:12):
And like, sometimes I'm like, yeah, I'm like, wait, why did I just say that?

(01:04:16):
You know, there was no reason to talk about that.

(01:04:18):
But yeah, and he's so cool.

(01:04:21):
For sure.

(01:04:21):
The group therapy and I think I leaned on that in the beginning that there's that

(01:04:27):
and this might just be like my dad and he's on his own alcoholism and he has his

(01:04:34):
own extreme points.

(01:04:36):
But, you know, one of the things he used to say is like, we can't all be crazy.

(01:04:40):
Like not everyone else can be wrong or like.

(01:04:43):
Yeah.

(01:04:44):
it was or something like even when I did in school he's like well they can't all be

(01:04:48):
wrong and you be right it's more likely they're all right and you're wrong like

(01:04:51):
you're the outlier and so in groups especially in the beginning I almost didn't

(01:04:57):
believe it like there's no way there's all these people that are alcohol free and

(01:05:00):
happy and then you hear someone with like 30 years I'm like that bitch is lying

(01:05:04):
yeah oh that was my toy I judged anyone I'm like I'm like there's no way your skin

(01:05:09):
could be that wrinkled if you've been like not drinking for 30 years and I'm like

(01:05:12):
And it's like the insane things.

(01:05:14):
Yeah.

(01:05:14):
And I'm so happy you're getting your psychology degree.

(01:05:16):
That's what I saw.

(01:05:17):
Because you start and then it's after the first like five people that you see come

(01:05:23):
in and you see a complete change,

(01:05:25):
especially because I was going to the same group every single night of the first

(01:05:28):
year.

(01:05:29):
Like there was not a night I didn't miss.

(01:05:31):
Weekends, holidays included.

(01:05:33):
And you see the people that come in and come out and you see the change in just a few people.

(01:05:40):
It'll rock your world.

(01:05:41):
And then you become one of the changes that someone else sees.

(01:05:45):
And I can just,

(01:05:46):
I can tell you multiple,

(01:05:48):
not even people I sponsored,

(01:05:49):
like I've walked quite a few women through the steps and they're still sober and

(01:05:54):
it's great to see them.

(01:05:55):
Every time I see them, it's literally a spiritual experience because I remember that.

(01:05:59):
the person on day one and i remember what it was like and i i just call them like

(01:06:05):
the dumpster fire you know like that's what i was i was a dumpster one of her one

(01:06:09):
of mine called her she had a dumpster fire on her bag literally like a picture yeah

(01:06:13):
yeah yeah yeah like i have a figurine somewhere around here that is a little dumb

(01:06:17):
just to remind me you know like i'm like you are not a dumpster like don't say that

(01:06:21):
about yourself and it's um

(01:06:25):
I mean, yeah, I can just think of people, like I said, I didn't even sponsor.

(01:06:28):
It was just in the group and you see them change and you know,

(01:06:34):
you're not drinking,

(01:06:34):
they're not drinking and you're hanging out like you see them in that group and you

(01:06:38):
see the evolving.

(01:06:40):
It's what do people say?

(01:06:42):
Or they're like, you know,

(01:06:44):
make space for the miracle to happen you know like you gotta like and also stay to

(01:06:49):
watch watch them stay to watch is the big one yeah i remember it doesn't happen not

(01:06:54):
everyone's the same time like i just talked about colin and i colin probably took a

(01:07:00):
little over a year i was within months of ready to but

(01:07:07):
it happened when it happened and we had to allow grace,

(01:07:09):
which is why we couldn't start this podcast till,

(01:07:12):
you know,

(01:07:13):
what at three years is where we're kind of like,

(01:07:16):
okay,

(01:07:16):
we're kind of at the same level,

(01:07:17):
but it took a lot of time and we live in the same house.

(01:07:20):
Yeah.

(01:07:20):
And it's a lot of work because, because your paths are completely different.

(01:07:24):
You know, you, you got, we were in the same life.

(01:07:27):
Yeah.

(01:07:27):
And I, and it's so weird because you're like, Oh, it should, it should be parallel.

(01:07:31):
We should be the same, but it's never is because two people always face problems differently.

(01:07:36):
And that's how we realize with marriage, it's like, it's not about the cookie cutter stuff.

(01:07:42):
Like it's people think it's like, oh, doing everything together.

(01:07:45):
And it's like, really, we have a lot of things apart.

(01:07:49):
But when we come together, we really enjoy our time together.

(01:07:52):
Yeah.

(01:07:52):
And that's where like the codependency,

(01:07:54):
like your psychology stuff,

(01:07:55):
like that's where like that gets unhealthy,

(01:07:57):
you know,

(01:07:58):
where it's like,

(01:07:58):
we have to do everything together.

(01:07:59):
It's like, then you get resentments.

(01:08:01):
Why do we have to do everything together?

(01:08:02):
And like,

(01:08:03):
and that,

(01:08:03):
you know,

(01:08:04):
that boils into those own problems,

(01:08:05):
but it's like,

(01:08:06):
it's so,

(01:08:06):
it's so great that you guys got super together.

(01:08:08):
Well, you see codependency, that would have been me.

(01:08:11):
I was a hundred percent in my first year.

(01:08:13):
I, thankfully I had a good sponsor who also dealt with codependency that, uh,

(01:08:19):
helped me not fall into that because easily I could have subbed the alcohol for

(01:08:24):
codependency especially if Colin had stayed the course and like been AA with me it

(01:08:30):
probably wouldn't have wound up the same I probably would have been like still so

(01:08:34):
in love with him and ready like

(01:08:37):
I'll only caring about what he thinks, which let me tell you, I do not like whatever.

(01:08:43):
And he doesn't care.

(01:08:44):
Like vice versa.

(01:08:44):
What I think,

(01:08:45):
like,

(01:08:45):
I mean,

(01:08:45):
obviously on important stuff,

(01:08:47):
of course,

(01:08:48):
give me his,

(01:08:49):
like,

(01:08:49):
I know he'll be honest with me.

(01:08:51):
That's we had to get to that place there.

(01:08:53):
We didn't.

(01:08:54):
There's a lot of growth.

(01:08:54):
There's a lot of growth there.

(01:08:55):
There's a lot of growth.

(01:08:56):
We did not start there.

(01:08:57):
I promise.

(01:08:58):
And I didn't know that we were going to necessarily stay together.

(01:09:00):
Like I,

(01:09:01):
um it's just we ended up re-dating and it's like i said you're using the steps in

(01:09:06):
like your relationships like how you're truly living your life it's kind of hard it

(01:09:12):
is to get along with almost anyone and i think that's like the that's a part of

(01:09:16):
that pink cloud especially at the beginning where like oh these people love me you

(01:09:19):
know and they i can't let them down you know there's a codependency to that too i

(01:09:23):
think the group does help yeah i think that that that's that was actually um

(01:09:28):
Last year,

(01:09:29):
my goals are changing a little bit now because of career stuff,

(01:09:31):
but I took a couple of psychology courses for my own interest,

(01:09:37):
especially when you're sober.

(01:09:38):
Yeah,

(01:09:38):
I have a lot of free time now to read books,

(01:09:40):
and all these classes are online here through University of Massachusetts in

(01:09:43):
Lowell.

(01:09:44):
So I took abnormal psych,

(01:09:46):
just took a bunch,

(01:09:46):
and then I was thinking about even going to that mental health counselor route,

(01:09:50):
getting the master's in it and doing it that way.

(01:09:52):
Yeah, it's really, it's awesome.

(01:09:54):
But the one thing you do learn in all those psychology classes and all that is the ownership.

(01:10:00):
You know,

(01:10:00):
you have to take,

(01:10:01):
like,

(01:10:02):
there's no way you're going to get better if you don't face the problem.

(01:10:06):
You know, we all beat around the bush.

(01:10:08):
Oh,

(01:10:08):
like you said,

(01:10:08):
like the page,

(01:10:10):
I stopped drinking beer on the weekends and yada,

(01:10:12):
yada,

(01:10:12):
or only wine at this time.

(01:10:14):
We tried all that.

(01:10:15):
And it gets to the point where you...

(01:10:18):
I hate using the word hopeless because it's like not everyone gets hopeless when

(01:10:22):
they want to get sober,

(01:10:23):
but there is almost that like,

(01:10:25):
man,

(01:10:26):
I need to give up and I need to give myself to something else.

(01:10:30):
And that's where things I feel like start clicking in your head.

(01:10:33):
Like I said,

(01:10:34):
I always wrote things down in my psychology sessions with my counselor,

(01:10:38):
but I never knew what I was writing down until I got sober and I realized,

(01:10:42):
oh my God,

(01:10:43):
all this personal development stuff

(01:10:46):
makes sense now because the what's hard though is as the counselor and this is

(01:10:51):
where I'm struggling right now is I I just I get real invested and emotionally

(01:10:59):
connected and like it's I it's hard for me to really separate and I've had to do it

(01:11:04):
when I sponsor especially

(01:11:07):
I try it like we're talking from a professional paid standpoint.

(01:11:11):
It's going to be hard to try and like I don't want to do one on one counseling anymore.

(01:11:16):
I originally kind of did.

(01:11:17):
But you have to kind of give that advice and be able to watch it and let it go.

(01:11:21):
Like there was your counselor who saw you writing all those things, but probably saw it not.

(01:11:25):
And you don't know when it's going to implement.

(01:11:28):
You know, now you're obviously it's much later, but it's not instant work.

(01:11:34):
It is very much.

(01:11:35):
And you might have to work with people that, you know, are not telling you the full truth.

(01:11:40):
And you're like, come on.

(01:11:41):
Yeah, I know I was there.

(01:11:43):
Yeah.

(01:11:44):
Okay, whatever.

(01:11:46):
And you know what I mean?

(01:11:47):
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.

(01:11:49):
There's a part of me that's like,

(01:11:51):
I think I might want to go more of a group setting or running a treatment center or

(01:11:56):
finding new strategies and ways to break down things.

(01:12:00):
people who have a harder time getting to the rooms you know like i don't know that

(01:12:05):
that's like running women's support groups and stuff like that like that like that

(01:12:10):
that alley is huge because there's probably so much need for it you know wherever

(01:12:14):
it's hard because no it's super hard to not separate

(01:12:18):
you know,

(01:12:18):
like I,

(01:12:19):
I always do a prayer before any meeting of any time I met with someone,

(01:12:23):
it was always,

(01:12:23):
you know,

(01:12:23):
fine.

(01:12:24):
Give me the words to say, and it's not anything religious prayer.

(01:12:27):
I had a heart as a Jewish person.

(01:12:31):
I'm sure your friend, the same thing.

(01:12:33):
It's like,

(01:12:34):
you're so ingrained that you have to kind of unlearn some things and separate it

(01:12:42):
and it takes time it's not it's not an overnight it's not an overnight thing and

(01:12:46):
that's why i love the whole 24 hour thing you know 24 hours of time that helps and

(01:12:51):
i have this one friend that's like yo sometimes it's a minute 60 seconds here i'll

(01:12:56):
just get to the next minute just get to the next minute

(01:12:58):
And I'm like,

(01:12:58):
yes,

(01:12:59):
because sometimes like I always like at work,

(01:13:02):
you know,

(01:13:02):
like,

(01:13:02):
oh,

(01:13:02):
man,

(01:13:03):
we were we must have been in that patient's room for like an hour trying to save

(01:13:06):
their life.

(01:13:07):
And they wound up, you know, like expiring.

(01:13:09):
But yeah, like and then you look up, it's like, no, it was only like five minutes.

(01:13:12):
It's like so relative sometimes when you're going through it,

(01:13:15):
you know,

(01:13:15):
like when we've been here for so long and you look back,

(01:13:17):
it's like.

(01:13:18):
No, you really haven't.

(01:13:19):
And or you get sober.

(01:13:21):
You look back, you're like, has it been two years and eight months?

(01:13:23):
Like what?

(01:13:24):
Like I know it's all relative in that way.

(01:13:28):
And that's where I feel like that whole 24 hour thing,

(01:13:30):
that 24 hour chip is is the one you could cornball,

(01:13:34):
whatever.

(01:13:34):
But it is the most important thing because you got through this 24 hours and that's what counts.

(01:13:39):
when it went in and it's it's just a bunch like i love the guys that say like oh

(01:13:43):
i've been sober for 2167 days why do i say that because it was one day at a time

(01:13:49):
and i was like ah there we go yes so it's the same i liked an old timer who when

(01:13:55):
people would say it's only a few days it's like first off take away that only and

(01:13:59):
secondly he'll ask like what time did you wake up

(01:14:03):
And if it,

(01:14:04):
he'll always,

(01:14:05):
I mean,

(01:14:05):
no matter what,

(01:14:06):
he'd be like,

(01:14:06):
you woke up before me,

(01:14:07):
you have more sobriety than me,

(01:14:09):
you know?

(01:14:09):
And it was a great way to always make him smile or chuckle.

(01:14:13):
And it's, that's what it's all about.

(01:14:16):
It's like just connection and talking it.

(01:14:21):
And I am so thankful you came on the spot.

(01:14:23):
You are such, you are such a vibe for us.

(01:14:25):
Like I wish Colin were here because you're.

(01:14:28):
Yeah.

(01:14:29):
I would love to come back.

(01:14:30):
Yeah.

(01:14:31):
Or I have you guys on mind.

(01:14:32):
Yes.

(01:14:32):
Because,

(01:14:33):
How can people find you?

(01:14:34):
What's the best way?

(01:14:35):
So best way is Instagram, the hendog half.

(01:14:39):
And then also I'm on YouTube.

(01:14:41):
I'm going to put all the links below.

(01:14:43):
Yeah, you can type in hendog half in the YouTube search.

(01:14:46):
I'll come up.

(01:14:48):
I'm on Facebook.

(01:14:49):
My real name, Danny Henriquez.

(01:14:51):
Just add the Riquez, add the Latino to the hen.

(01:14:54):
Add the Latino.

(01:14:55):
Yeah.

(01:14:55):
add the latina to the hen and you got me and i and i'm i'm blue checked on

(01:14:59):
everything so you'll know it's me and i'm and i'm always here and that's the thing

(01:15:02):
is is i tell everyone that i meet you know even you and or your husband who i

(01:15:06):
haven't met but i feel like i i i you could dap now and feel like i feel like i'm

(01:15:10):
his buddy now probably have a whole other session be like thing and just he he's

(01:15:15):
very much the same vibe and i

(01:15:17):
And I love this whole like the sober theme.

(01:15:19):
That's one thing that I don't have in my in my podcast.

(01:15:22):
I don't have a theme.

(01:15:23):
I just want to talk about it.

(01:15:25):
Yeah.

(01:15:25):
Podcast is like one like one day is a Disney.

(01:15:28):
One day is me fixing my fence outside.

(01:15:30):
Like I'm all over the place.

(01:15:31):
But for you to have a theme of sobriety, love it.

(01:15:34):
And if you ever need other guests,

(01:15:35):
I have a bunch of a sober community here that would love to sit here and talk to

(01:15:39):
you for an hour and 37 minutes.

(01:15:41):
Yes.

(01:15:41):
I was like emailing it.

(01:15:42):
Why I try to be other than when the internet will be in Texas has the wildest storms.

(01:15:47):
And thank you so much for everything today.

(01:15:50):
Thank you.

(01:15:50):
I will tag everything.

(01:15:52):
So it's super easy to find you.

(01:15:53):
And again, thank you for coming on.

(01:15:56):
I hope you have very good.

(01:15:57):
Yes, I can.

(01:15:58):
Yes.

(01:15:58):
I can't wait.

(01:16:00):
Also, thank you, Danny, that I'm going to run again.

(01:16:04):
Team Green.