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Join Rem and Alvia as they navigate the joys and perils of adulthood as a married millennial DINK couple in the Philippines, while also trying to break the stigma against the DINK lifestyle or being childless by choice. We tackle challenges like facing adult responsibilities, managing finances, growing careers, breaking generational traumas, generating social impact, cultivating relationships, and determining who should be washing the dishes.
DINKWAP stands for Dual-Income No Kids with a Podcast!
Are you a DINK, SINK, or DINK-curious? Join us at DINK Lifestyle Philippines.
In
UP,
you lose your umbrella.
You don't have an umbrella there, right?
In UP, it's different.
You
don't lose your expensive things.
Umbrella.
You
lose your umbrella.
Handkerchief.
What's your house like?
It's
a throwback when you're at home.
Of course, it's like their house.
They feel that they have control over you,
your life.
Maybe it's like that.
More on control.
My parents told me that I can't get married, I can stay at home, and I might not get married.
It's like that fear.
You
won't get married.
I won't get married.
It's true.
They're
thinking the same thing.
But it's like...
The DINKWAP Show. Dual income. No kids. With a podcast.
Hey! Welcome to another episode of the DINKWAP Show.
Why is your voice so modulated?
It's like
we're doing a professional show.
And
we are your hosts, I am Rem.
I'm Alvia.
And let's get to the last episode.
We talked about the differences between the
culture
between the Western and Philippine context.
In regards to the separation of the children
and
building their own life.
In
the Philippines, it's more normal for the children not to leave the house immediately.
It's more preferred usually for the parents to
stay
there.
So, I want to talk about why. Why, in our opinion, or in our experience,
why
don't parents want their children to leave?
I don't know. Some people don't leave until you get married.
It's like that. It's the normal...
I don't know. It's like that.
Vibes or something. Do you guys have that?
For me, I don't feel like they want me to be a nandog.
Thanks, mom and dad.
I have a mother.
But I could
feel that they like me.
That's why
your father is 36 years old now.
Again and again.
For the nth time.
But I also want to get married.
But
I can't.
But I told myself that I will get married when I'm 30.
I
think that's
okay.
That's the ultimate thing for you.
But there are people we know that we don't want to let go.
Yes, there are people like that.
I don't know what to say.
But I know someone that even if the current comes, they still don't want to let go.
They really don't want to.
They will give
their house to them.
There are people like that.
They'll name their house after their parents.
I don't want a house. I want my own.
It's
so throwback when you're in your own house.
Of course, it's their house. They feel that they have control over you.
Maybe
it's more like that.
My parents said that I can't get married, I can stay here in my house,
And then, I thought I might not go home.
It was like a fear.
You didn't go home.
I didn't go home.
That's true.
They're thinking differently.
But it was after years of...
They really controlled more or
less...
You just go out, you don't have to explain where you're going.
You just go home.
And then, you
just left.
They messaged you, "What time are you going
home?"
You're
a full grown adult.
Oh my
God, yes.
As in with a master's degree.
As in, even if you say you're going to be an OT,
then it's like, "8 hours is OT, right? Why am I looking for a job?"
Because, remember, we worked from home.
And
then there's the pandemic.
They
can't understand that we work from home.
To be fair, we worked from home pre-pandemic.
So, they don't understand.
They don't understand.
And before, I used to leave because I had to study for
exams, for
school, for masters.
And then, they told me to go to school.
I was like, "What?"
It can be different. I left to study, not to go to school.
They don't
get it. They feel offended. They feel like you're a coward because you don't follow their orders.
Even during the pandemic, we all work from home.
We were forced to eat lunch together.
Sometimes, we were like, "What if you're on the ref?
Eat and eat
if you're
hungry."
Because
of course, when you have a meeting, you have to force yourself to cook the meal,
and you have to do it all at once.
And then, you're like, "Oh my God, my meeting is so stressful."
I get that they want to do it all together, but
sometimes, it's
not like that.
It's so hard.
You know what I mean?
When I was doing my master's, I was part-time.
I worked full-time.
My
parents are like the celebration of the family.
They need complete attendance.
They can't
join because they need to study.
Because
I don't have time the whole week.
Because I work.
So I need to go to a birthday party.
I
didn't
notice that. At least to those we know
from your case.
When you do something for your betterment, they can't support you properly.
You'll be in a hurry.
Yes, actually. That's their concern. Why do I have to study?
For me, I'm more of a sports person.
And then you just get rid of the stress.
Why do you have to do that?
You can just rest.
I can't explain to them. They won't understand that that's my rest.
I can't just sleep at home.
There are days for that.
But even if you're already asleep, if you're already tired,
although you have a choice, you can do it.
But if you're tired,
you'll be lazy.
You don't know where to go.
You won't be
able to sleep because you'll wake up.
My room is near the kitchen.
My room is on the corner.
So
the other side, it's the same angle as the kitchen window.
So when they're screaming,
I can hear them.
First, I'm a morning person.
Then you'll go to sleep, right?
Then I'll wake
up.
What if it's weekend?
And when you wake up, someone is screaming.
Oh, it's gone.
It hurts my head.
It's gone.
You don't have your wish anymore, you're already asleep.
It's not relaxing for me.
There are days when you have to stay at home because you have to rest.
But you can't rest.
Yes, I
can't rest.
And what's the point of wanting to play sports?
Sometimes
when I study, I'm outside.
Because I can't study.
Right? Those situations.
I feel that as parents, as their generation, they believe that because you're just a child,
your
life should revolve around them.
Yes.
They say
around family, but parents are the real thing.
But if you're a graduate,
you're starting out
in life, you're building a life for yourself.
You're finding out or
trying to find out your
place
in the society.
And then they're like, "No, you should..."
"Just like this, just here."
"Just here. They're draining you in."
And what's funny is that while they're doing that, they're telling you to be like this at work.
You have to be hardworking.
Wait, what is this?
Right? You have to do everything to promote yourself.
And when you're on an OT, you can't.
What was it?
What was it?
You always tell me, "You cheated on your father."
Like that.
I mean, I really salute my
father.
My parents were hardworking.
They were really hardworking.
But it was a different time.
And first
of all, you're hardworking.
But
when he got tired, he screwed up his company.
Yes. And also, he's not just a work person.
Sometimes,
you'll go out with them for
camaraderie.
And of course, you'll also become a boss.
And the parents will be like, "Why do you have to do that? You should work hard."
And
sometimes,
they'll be like, "How if I just want to?"
Yes, if you want to. But there are times when you don't have a choice.
You have to join.
You're the boss.
And
it's
true that you have a degree that you really need to join.
Especially in corporate. There are times when you're dead.
And
you don't get to join inside jokes.
That's right.
It's hard.
And it
makes
your work easier.
For me, it makes your coworkers more human
when you're with
them and you don't have to work.
It
doesn't have
to be a real friendship. It's just that you can build rapport.
And it's
also annoying because
people
outside of work can get to know you.
Sometimes I get frustrated because I don't want to be allowed to do it.
That's
it?
Right?
I'm laughing at you.
You're 25, 26. Why do
you have to say goodbye?
And
this is because when we were in high school, we didn't want to bother you when you were working.
Wow.
And when you're working, it's like, "Oh, it's a
prank?"
I
get it. You're
a girl and our subdivision
is dark.
I get it that I'm commuting.
But when I'm driving,
it's still the same.
How many obstacles should we have?
They say that because it's comforting.
When you're at home and I'm like, "You don't know I'm at
home."
It's arbitrary.
Moving
goalposts. That's
what I don't like.
Luckily, in
my experience,
I got a swill early.
You're
a
little bit of a man. Rules are different.
Yes, I'm
a man but the rules are different.
Although
I've been beaten up many times.
He lived to this age.
But it's okay.
It's a good thing.
I
lived long enough to have two podcasts.
For you, you're
two boys.
It's like a
board.
For us,
it's my brother and me.
And my dad gets frustrated.
Because my brother is
just a housewife.
For you, it's like you can go home anytime.
It won't come
out. It's rare.
Even if his boss forces him to.
It's
rare.
But for me, it's like you're a housewife.
But
when I
was a kid, I was really into college.
I was in high school,
but I was in college.
Ah, freedom! Bye,
guys!
Yeah, because it's your
first time.
I feel like you
really need to experience it.
Especially since you're in college.
I was in college early in my career.
Imagine
if you were in your 30s for the first time.
You wouldn't be able to ignore it.
Oh, we know each other.
I know someone like that.
Too bad Des isn't here.
She has a lot to tell.
No, Des
isn't that early.
Not Des. The
ones around him.
There are also people who
are like, "What's this? Late stage rebellion? I'm 30, right?
It's so cringy, man."
It's because, you need to experience, not necessarily need,
but
you need to be aware of the child
at the earliest age.
Because if you make a mistake, not only the fatal one,
of course, and bodily harm, illegal or anything.
But you need to make a mistake at the early stage.
So you can learn it right away.
So you can learn it
right away and you can recover.
You have the
rest of your life to recover.
I also said that. First time I commute, college.
But if you
don't commute, I don't know if you should.
When you commute, you have to be careful.
You have to be mindful
of
what you use,
of yourself.
You have to look out for what's sketchy.
What if I'm old and I don't know what to do?
There are people who don't know how to run away.
It's like when
someone approaches you, you know it's a sketchy person.
But they
grow up without being exposed to the world.
They
don't have an idea.
It's okay if you have a driver or
bodyguard.
Because even if you have that, you never know what happens, right?
Yes.
How
if we know someone who grew up as a driver,
and
then eventually something happened
to
his family's financial situation.
He died.
Now, you can suddenly adjust.
I mean, he'll learn but I believe that there are things that you have to be exposed to,
You have to experience that it's what will make you whole as a person.
That's why I get frustrated when you don't get accepted and the reason is that you don't want to.
It's like, why?
For example, let's say
you're
going to varsity.
The only reason I got accepted in high school was because our grade was 30%.
They were convinced.
And in the usual Filipino fashion, they saw that you have a chance to win.
So it's like, "Okay,
I can do it."
It's not just the one who enjoys it.
It's
a competition.
And I think you need to get something out
of it.
It's not just for fun.
When we were in college, we also learned how to teach English.
I thought
you were going to teach English.
I'm just kidding.
I learned how to teach English to Japanese
students.
I wanted to try that.
I didn't understand
that much because it's just online
work.
I was just at home with my headset.
My dad got offended and said that I need to work and they will support me.
It's not about
them.
That's not the point.
It's not about
them.
You're doing it for yourself.
If
you're in college and you pay 120 per hour, that's a lot.
And besides,
I just want to try.
The skills you'll build
there.
That's it.
My parents have a lot of ideas.
I guess it's their generation that I don't really get.
And when you ask, they'll get mad at you and say, "Just follow them."
They don't have an explanation.
I
get it when you're late to go home, especially during
that time, because
there's no Grab,
I
didn't drive, and our subdivision doesn't have people.
I get it, but even if someone would drive me, they've known me since high school,
I just don't want to.
For the, you said it felt more like control other than for my own sake.
It's extending now, right? You
have
kids going to
college.
And
we were hoping that it wouldn't be only there.
We
don't really make the schools late.
But we
want the child to...
The child.
The child.
The child.
He's so big.
What is
he now?
He's 18.
I feel like I'm still old.
That sister.
We
want to expose him to the world.
Because
he's their child.
To expose him outside of Antipolo.
Because that's not the only world.
It creates a bubble.
And
we also have to face the top schools in the Philippines outside of
Antipolo.
Aside from that, there's a larger world outside of that
area.
I mean, there are good schools in Tepolo, but it's still different when you experience what's out there.
If you have a means to actually study abroad, why not?
Because
you can see the difference, including the culture, what we miss as Filipinos, how much they are
good at it.
Their attitude.
Why? For example, if you're in the West,
how
are they going to succeed? Why
are
they leading in these markets?
But if you're just there, maybe you can use the internet if you're aware.
But how would you know? You're not even
exposed.
You're not aware.
I
just said that it feels unfair because we're all older siblings.
We
all had the chance to study
or
at least try to apply to top schools
in Metro
Manila.
None of us went to a provincial school.
I just said that he deserved it.
Outside of Antipolo.
It's more difficult because we can commute in high school.
She doesn't
want to go on a tricycle alone.
That's it.
You're 18 already.
She only started this late
last year.
18, you should've gone to LRT.
You're
already in a jeep.
LRT is now from Antipolo.
It's more like a
polo.
It's not a
You'll be so lost.
It's like
you're
walking on
a...
And
you'll
recognize where you are.
It's like that.
And you'll be guarded because you know there might be bad...
You might be that...
I'm
like that.
I don;t want people to experience it.
Of course.
But there
are times
I'm being robbed of...
I got my bag slashed.
I was like, "Okay, I should be the one to do it."
So, you know, in this place, it's dangerous.
Yeah, I'll get my phone out.
And also, I
don't know if you do that or if it's with girls, you have a main wallet and you have your wallet.
I'm not afraid of money.
No,
the problem is your ID.
So you
have a main wallet and you have a coin purse, the wallet is just right.
Because you'll be going out.
So,
if it's Monday, your bag will still be complete.
So, you might see it.
So, what you'll do is, the coin purse is just right for your luggage.
So,
if you get snatched, you'll be going out in the jeep.
If you get snatched, you'll still have luggage to carry.
I did that when I was young.
I
have a coin
purse.
Yes, I'm using that when I'm getting paid.
That's what I use.
That's what I use when I'm getting paid.
That's a barrier.
Wait, bro.
Okay, you can take this.
It's heavy.
Yeah, those things.
And your phone is inside the bag that you're texting.
That's how you learn.
Because when I started commuting, no one taught me how to do it.
You learn. But it's like college, you just have to learn how to do it.
I lost
my 3310 a few times.
Me too. How many times did I lose it?
It's like it's so hard on my head.
You'll learn.
But eventually you'll learn.
It's
an expensive lesson.
But
you have
less to lose if you're young.
Yes, if you're
young, it's easier
to recover.
Compared to when you're old and it's hard to recover.
Imagine if you're old and you have a work laptop.
You'll
just leave it.
You'll just go to the jeep.
We don't have that in the safe places like Taipei, Japan,
Singapore.
You can just leave it like that.
In the Philippines, it's really hard.
In the Philippines, you can only get a umbrella.
No, in
Davao, it's okay.
It depends, but in UP, you can't get an umbrella.
You can't get an umbrella there.
In UP, it's different.
You can't
get expensive things.
Umbrella.
Umbrella.
It's a waste.
Okay, I'll just read it.
To be fair, you need to go to UP because the buildings
are
separated.
You're the only one who needs a umbrella.
I'm already there.
You
don't need the umbrella you got.
I
was so embarrassed in UP.
That's why you're always the same.
Yeah, when I was gone, I was like, "I'm not going back
here. It's
like this."
This is hell.
My umbrella is so expensive.
Anyway, let's continue.
In the next episode, we'll talk about...
They didn't let me go.
They also didn't realize that it would be better if they left.
Actually, it's more on my parents.
My mom's side,
her
family is from Mindanao.
She graduated from here. So she had no choice but to leave.
She graduated six years ago.
Sorry, ma.
That's why my dad,
he has that feeling because he dreams of having a child in UP.
Then when he got in, he was like, "Your mother is six years old and she's an activist?"
So, let's continue with the next episode.
And let's stop this nonsense.
Anyway, thank you for listening to The DINKWAP Show, another episode of our podcast.
And we'll see you on the next one.
Bye.
I'm going to vlog.
Bye.
You were listening to The DINKWAP Show.
*outro music*