The Power of Vulnerability in Midlife: Building Authenticity and Deep Connections

In this episode of The Power Life Podcast, host Sabine Schopke delves into the concept of vulnerability, sharing her personal journey and insights gained from working with a writing coach. Sabine reflects on how writing has become a source of bliss and a means to express her thoughts and stories more vulnerably. Contrary to her upbringing, where she was taught to keep personal matters private, she now sees the value in sharing and connecting through vulnerability.

Sabine discusses the societal shift towards valuing vulnerability, particularly in the face of rapid technological advancements like AI. She contrasts this with her parents' belief in invulnerability and toughness, pondering how these differing views impact our understanding of human connection. Through personal anecdotes, including her experiences with trauma, illness, and loss, she illustrates how vulnerability is an inherent part of life that everyone encounters.

Exploring the dual perceptions of vulnerability—both as a personal sensitivity and a societal disruption—Sabine emphasizes the importance of finding a middle ground. She argues that vulnerability should be seen as a shared human condition that fosters openness and connection, rather than as a weakness or a technical flaw.

Sabine uses the example of Sarah Connor from the "Terminator" series to highlight the balance of toughness and emotional sensitivity. However, she advocates for a more realistic approach, where vulnerability is acknowledged as an essential aspect of humanity that enhances relationships, personal growth, and overall well-being.

Throughout the episode, Sabine offers practical advice on how to practice vulnerability in daily life, such as communicating needs, acknowledging mistakes, and taking emotional risks. She believes that by creating safe spaces for mutual openness and empathy, we can strengthen our connections and support each other through life's challenges.

In conclusion, Sabine encourages listeners to embrace vulnerability as a strength that can lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships and a more compassionate society. She calls for a collective effort to lean into vulnerability, which she believes will ultimately contribute to personal happiness and societal resilience.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Power Life Podcast. I am your host Sabine Schoepke.
Over the last three months I’ve been working with a writing coach and it’s been absolutely amazing. Writing has become my greatest bliss and the number one thing I have learned is to share my stories and my thoughts through making myself more vulnerable.
And this is new for me. I was always told to keep things to myself – things are personal and nobody cares. But it turns out, that’s not entirely true. It’s not that black and white. So I wanna talk about this today. I think, especially with AI coming in so strong, it’s a really important topic. And with that, it’s not just personal anymore, but it concerns us as a society. Even as a humanity and a civilization.
Invulnerability and invincibility seem to be desirable for so many these days. Some dream of transhumanism, merging humans with machines for invincibility and greater productivity, yet even Jennifer Lopez in her latest movie ‘Atlas’ that is about AI is in the beginning of the movie really concerned about humanities future.
At this point in my life, I am a big advocate for human vulnerability, and not just in my writing. But, as I mentioned earlier, that wasn’t always so. So let me take you on my thought journey.
My parents were big opponents of vulnerability. If I reacted too vulnerable, they would tell me to not be so emotional and that I should be tough. And they still do that to this day.
They’ve always advised me to abandon vulnerability. But I always wondered how one could simply abandon vulnerability? Isn’t it an inherent part of us, of life? Or was there something wrong with me that I felt deeply and had no problem showing it? And yes, on one hand, yes, it seemed appealing to be invulnerable, imagining how nice it would be if insults or injustices from others didn't hurt. But on the other hand, I feel like there is something positive and important linked to vulnerability. Don’t we need vulnerability? These are some of the questions I want to think about with you today.
Vulnerability is a topic that really concerns everybody. Each one of us has experienced it, and we have all suffered from it. Getting my heart broken or having lost somebody I loved. Then there is illness or an injury that can take away our sense of strength and independence. Or think of natural disasters like earth quates, floods, fires or tornados that can be extremely devastating. Or the brutal attack I experienced in my own home while I was asleep, as well as the sexual assault, all of those can profoundly damage our trust in others. For all of us, the question is absolutely relevant: how do we deal with our vulnerability? How do we cope with severe and terrible things? And now with AI invading and taking over our humanism, the question really becomes one for society as a whole.

I believe that vulnerability is a vital and indispensable component for our human connection. And with that, I want to go as far as saying that vulnerability is both a blessing and a curse. On one side, no one wants to be vulnerable, because it is painful. It sucks. It sucks to hurt emotionally or physically.
There is a new strange emphasis on individual vulnerability. Contrary to my parents attitude, vulnerability is almost celebrated these days. It’s become a major buzzword. It’s about being sensitive and open about ones feelings. And just like my writing coach, there are tons of coaches and advisers urging us to show our vulnerability.
And looking at social media, many people today share all of their feelings and experiences and want to be seen as highly sensitive.
So… there’s a societal shift towards emphasizing individual openness and sensitivity.
But then there is also vulnerability as a buzzword when it comes to objects and systems that can be damaged. These days almost everything is considered vulnerable: our energy systems, our climate, our groundwater, computer systems, our health. In this case, vulnerability is seen as a disruption that should be eliminated or at least minimized. And this school of thought is back in line with how I was brought up.
And, oh yeah, talking of buzzwords, another one that comes to mind when talking about vulnerability is: resilience. It is defined as toughness – or the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties. The ability to spring back or bounce back into shape.
So ideally, we are sensitive and tough at the same time. Isn’t that right?
Think of Sarah Connor from the "Terminator”, especially in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day." Sarah, evolves from an ordinary waitress in the first film to a hardened, survivalist warrior in the second. And despite the pressure of knowing that the future of humanity is resting on her shoulders, she displays superhuman strength and toughness AND deep emotional sensitivity. This blend of emotional depth and resilience makes Sarah a quintessential example of a character who is both sensitive and tough. But, she is a superhero.
So.. there are really two trends—vulnerability as a weakness and a disruption, and vulnerability as an individual sensitivity—to me, both are extreme views. I believe that neither the idea that vulnerability is a hindrance nor the idea that we should fully embrace our individual sensitivity works for me. I struggle with it. It ‘s confusing. I am really challenged with embodying both. I guess I am just not a Sarah Connor. And, I also don’t think it does it justice.
Instead, I suggest a different perspective. A middle ground so to speak. Something that can make sense to us when it comes to our daily emotional wellbeing: how about we look at vulnerability as a shared human condition, since all humans are vulnerable to some extent. So it is no longer an individual sensitivity, nor is it a technical disruption, but an essential part of being human. Something that is shared with all living beings. I suggest seeing vulnerability as an openness and connection to the world. That’s it. Nothing negative.
Let me give you an example. Think of your skin: yes, it is vulnerable to injury, but it also allows for beautiful experiences. Like a loving touch or a kitten licking your hand. Touch is essential for survival.
Living vulnerably implies an openness to the good and to the hurt. We long to be touched physically, through conversations, by reading or listening to music, or relationships in general. All these forms of touch make up an amazing life because they contribute to our connectedness and with that, our happiness. The truth is, if we can be touched, we can also be hurt.
And now, let’s take it a step further: as a society that values unity, solidarity, compassion, community, and responsibility towards others, openness and touchability isn’t just a parallel thing among us, but enables us to care for each other. As human beings, we rely on each other. I could never have made it through some of my greatest struggles like PTSD, cancer, infertility, or break-ups without the support of others. Vulnerability is crucial for us as human and social beings. It’s a part of our basic needs. It’s a part of community. A part of our social structure. Sharing joy and pain is the glue that connects us. It establishes trust and gives us hope and courage to face life’s challenges. And we ESPECIALLY rely on each other when we are young, old, sick or injured.
Vulnerability, when viewed as openness and touchability, just like our skin, is a powerful and positive attribute. It signifies the courage to be authentic, the willingness to show our true selves, and the capacity to connect deeply with others. This form of vulnerability is not about weakness but about being genuinely human, embracing our imperfections, and building trust and intimacy in our relationships.
By redefining vulnerability as a form of openness and touchability, I see it as a strength, not a weakness as I was originally told. As something that enhances my relationships, my quality of life, my personal growth, and really my overall well-being and happiness. I don’t have to pretend. Pretend to not feel or feel something that I am really not.
Not only do I feel emotionally honest towards myself and others, but how often have I shared something, that I was struggling with, and it turned out, that that was just what somebody else needed to hear to not feel so alone? It’s beautiful, isn’t it.
So how do we do it? How can we practice vulnerability as an openness for giving and receiving?
I do it for example by communicating my needs and desires in my personal relationships, as well as at work. If we don’t tell people what we need, we basically expect them to read our minds. And I don’t know about you, but most of the people I know, can’t read minds. And then that leads to frustration and resentment. I go into more details about this in my book called ‘’The Love Odyssey”.
Another example of vulnerability I can think of is, acknowledging that we are wrong, made a mistake or that we do have flaws. It’s tough to get over our egos sometimes, but God it feels good when we can just be perfectly imperfect. Just like everybody else. Whether they know it or admit it or not. But WE know it, and that gives us the courage to stand by our imperfections.
And that actually brings me to another one: the one of taking emotional risks. For me, showing up on social media, sharing my stories and thoughts here on this podcast, I am opening myself up to all kinds of judgement and criticism. But you know what? I have committed myself to my purpose, my own personal growth and living authentically. For me, it’s absolutely worth the risk. As long as I am in integrity, I can stand by all of this and take it.
And then there is this beautiful place we can create by making ourselves vulnerable. It’s a safe space where mutual openness and trust can flourish, by being fully present and listening with empathy and without judgement. This happens when we surround ourselves with people who respect and mirror that same openness. This is when I feel truly at home, safe and loved.
Well, now that I think about it, maybe we can all be Sarah Connors after all? We all have vulnerability inside of us. It’s innate. And what stands in the way of letting it out? Being authentic? Being open? We don’t have the pressure of saving humanity on our shoulders. Or do we? In a way we do and I believe we are up to the task. If each one of us opens up a little more, humanity is invincible. All it requires of us is the courage to show up that way. And the strength of overcoming the fear of being hurt. But we got this. It won’t happen in one day, but leaning into this a little bit more every day, will make you happier AND save humanity after all.